Director: Robert Greenwald
Cast:Douglas Cheek, Walter Cronkite
Release: July 16, 2004 (New York, California), Available for purchase on DVD at official site.
Synopsis: Documentary on reported Conservative bias of the Rupert Murdoch-owned Fox News Channel (FNC), which promotes itself as “Fair and Balanced”. Material includes interviews with former FNC employees and the inter-office memos they provided.

Prognosis: Positive. “Their methods are outlandish.”

Bill O’Reilley squeals out loud to cut someone’s mic. Geraldo Rivera and Sean Hannity talk over those who are either defending their points or are making one.

“Their technique is outstanding.”

We get a handful of the very same people, and some new faces to being the point home to make sure everyone knows, saying the word “flip-flop” in regard to John Kerry and, at one point, there is a picture of the comfortable footwear under his picture as a newscaster makes sure you see how absurd Kerry’s voting record really is.

“Their news is outrageous.” What comes next in this trailer is probably the funniest sound bite used against someone I have ever heard. The same man who mistakenly used the word “blow-job” in the same sentence as he tried to use the word “curb-job,” which has used for many miles on the bumpers for Howard Stern’s radio program, Shepard Smith, is quoted saying that the reason a city cannot attract more minorities to be police officers is because, “black guys are afraid of water.” Now, I’m no dummy. I watch MTV. I saw that one episode of Cribs where Trick Daddy, himself a black man, jumped into a pool not even wearing any safety devices and got out, his biznitches all huddled around him and his dong all outlined in a very graphic and disturbing sort of way behind his boxers, and he didn’t have a problem with the water.

Quickly after the minority comment, we get another Fox dude, Brian Kilmeade, who says that North Korea loves John Kerry. I must have missed that newsflash. I am usually up on Kim Jong-Il’s thoughts on nuclear weapons, plutonium fuel reactors, and what he thinks about the American political race. I have to say I am slipping in my older age. If Kim likes Kerry then Kerry must be a pinko, communist sympathizer, right?

I must come clean in admitting that the part in the trailer where it shows a zing-zang assault of John Kerry remarks, all of them personal opinion and none of them flowery or tender in nature, makes me wonder what is Fox’s deal. It only really piques my interest about what is happening at that network over there. We get Kilmeade, who seems to have an inside line on all things important, as he states that Saddam Hussein must love Jeneane Garofalo (he must as he seems to have a little more time on his hands lately to crochet and paint some color-by-numbers portraits while keeping up on far-leftist American comediennes.)

Then we get it: a guy who appears as an interviewee makes the statement that the Fox news channel is an adjunct to the Republican party.

Of course there’s something smelly and stinky in Denmark, my good man, Rosencrantz. I wouldn’t say, categorically, that the above remark is true, lord knows how close it could be, but this isn’t about the content of the statement but of the effectiveness of the trailer. This movie is propaganda. There should be no doubt about that. This film is going to disparage Fox News. There should be no argument about that. I enjoy a good fight and, love it or hate it, there seems to be good evidence to make a point about a network that just doesn’t feel fair and balanced.

Director: Paul McGuigan
Cast: Josh Hartnett, Matthew Lillard, Rose Byrne, Diane Kruger
Release: September 3, 2004
Synopsis: Intricately moving back and forth in time and revealing the story from each character?s perspective, Wicker Park is an intense psychological drama about a man (John Hartnett) caught in an obsessive search for a woman he fell deeply in love with – a woman who then vanished without a trace. Two years after her disappearance, he catches a fleeting glimpse of her in a local bar and begins a twisting search to find her and discover what really happened.

Prognosis: Negative. I had a bit of renewed interest in Josh Hartnett after seeing his performance in the mini-clip that Robert Rodriquez showed at the Comic-Con for SIN CITY. Josh encapsulated the slow talking, deeply affected hit man that rang perfectly with Frank Miller’s envisioning of a hard-boiled town run by heavy violence. I wanted to go back and see if some of what Josh showed on that screen was somehow transmuted to his performance here as someone who lost a woman without a trace and then thinks he finds her after a two year lapse and then obsesses about it.

Yeah, it’s disposable.

The trailer starts off good enough. We find out first that the girl Josh likes is a dancer (as does seemingly every onscreen girlfriend; I’ve yet to find one who has to work the graveyard at Winchell’s.) There are some slight glimpses that the camera work here is just slightly better than your average young adult drama and there are even some shots of good lovin’ between the blonde and Josh. If this was it, I’d say this was a first for the young man who has so far only proven to me he can cry real well on cue and can get down with his bombastic self in PEARL HARBOR. Although, I am not entirely biased against the young man as he showed stellar moves in BLACK HAWK DOWN which, if you all want to know, was a true testament to acting he hasn’t yet duplicated; it wasn’t just a fluke, I know it, but what comes next in this film just shows the kind of crap he’s signing on for.

So, when we last left our lovers in the sack, they were pledging undying affection for one another. How do we make this story movie worthy? By adding a whacked out, crazy bitch into the mix, that’s how. It seems that there is an interloper who wishes to horn in on Hartnett’s happiness and somehow, through a series of events and a couple of years of distance, this crazy woman claims to be the same chick that Josh lost the first go around by mimicking the lifestyle of the lost woman in question. She wears the same clothes, has the same perfume, uses the same Pearl Tampax, etc… At one point a sleeping Hartnett wakes up, startled, by this chick who is sitting on his bed. He asks what the hell she is doing. The woman says, “Watching you sleep.” Dudes of all nations, if a woman you really don’t know well looks crazy, sounds a little crazy and tells you that she has been watching you sleep after you think it’s awesome you get to bust a nut and then have a little sleepover? Knock that chick in the head with any available travel alarm clock and make a line for the door.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention, I already know the punch line to this: I’ve seen this movie years ago except it was called SINGLE WHITE FEMALE. I didn’t like it then and sure as anything I’ve seen this year this doesn’t look any better reheated with some plot differences to keep the lawyers at bay.

The rest of this trailer is forgettable, unfortunately, as I was really pulling for Hartnett. He has great potential if she sheds that pretty boy pin up allure and sticks to something with a little more substance than sub-par thrillers.

Director: Steven Brill
Cast: Seth Green, Matthew Lillard, Dax Shepard, Abraham Benrubi, Rachel Blanchard
Release: August 20th, 2004
Synopsis: Three young guys go into the Oregon wilderness in search of lost treasure. They take a canoe upriver and everything that can go wrong does go wrong. Hunted by two backwoods farmers, they encounter death-defying rapids, tree-hugging hippie chicks and a crazy old mountain man played by Burt Reynolds.

Prognosis: Negative. I wasn’t really going to touch this one, but I’ve seen previews starting to get heavy airplay and figured I’d give it the old once-over.

What we have here, in the tradition of great floating-down-the-stream-in-a-boat-with-a-bunch-of-dudes comedies like 1984’s UP THE CREEK (a true testament to shoddy moviemaking that makes for great late night movie watching), is something that doesn’t defy words. There are many, in fact, that describe the overall impression one gets after watching this trailer; none of them, however, have anything to do with “great,” “anticipatory” or even “desirable.”

What we have in the opening scenes of this trailer is the set-up: three childhood friends, all kind of oddball in their own cinematic way, take a trip on the water together. We have Lillard, who can’t commit to a hot girlfriend, Green, who looks like a neurotic hypochondriac, and Sheppard, who plays the best cliché of them all, the guy who basically doesn’t give two figs about anything, or anyone, just as long as he gets his. In fact, one of the few opening moments into Dax’s character exposition, as he responds to a police officer’s question if any of them were boy scouts, he says, “no, but I had a brownie once.” Zing! What a dude. Dax is then shown offering emotional support to Green, after they all fall out of their canoe and have to make their way to the head of the river up 20+ miles in the direction they came from, but stops everything as he finds, and acknowledges with great aplomb, a floating can of beer in the water. My sides still hurt from that laugh grenade.

What other kinds of gags can you look forward to seeing?

Well, there is a small enclave of forest women in the movie who ensure our men don’t go without a little possibility of getting their libidos on, but wait, we find out these chicks don’t shave. Oh, oh, oh, there’s also the part where these guys are out in the middle of nowhere with only their boxers on, it’s nighttime, and it’s raining. What do these guys need to do in order to get some sleep and keep warm? Huddle up, of course, but these are real dudes and real dudes are thinking about the implications of guy-on-guy-on-guy sex overtures before giving consideration to their own self-preservation. And, since this is a comedy, they all end up doing it anyway but Dax says, “This doesn’t leave the cave.” Laughs are dropping out of my tearing eyeballs like there’s an onion shredding competition going on.

This really does look like a mediocre comedy with only the slightest hint that it could even be worth a matinee should you find yourself in the position of having seen every other movie that is in current release and it’s a toss up between this or YU-GI-OH!, you’re on Quaaludes and really can’t think straight. Come to think of it, actually, this film when paired up to the 1984 movie referenced above, would actually make up a good night of viewing on your local UPN or WB affiliate. It could be the midnight “UP THE CREEK,” “WITHOUT A PADDLE” marathon. (This is but a glimpse into the awesome power of my creativity.)

I’m sure you can skip this one until you can verify with your other friends, you know, the ones who aren’t as cool about movies as you are, that this is the legendary August sleeper hit of the year. I’d bet my left nipple it’s not, but as this movie is opening on a Wednesday, in August, I’m fairly confident I’m right.

Director: Gregory Jacobs
Cast: John C. Reilly, Diego Luna, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jonathan Tucker, Maeve Quinlan
Release: September 10, 2004 (limited)
Synopsis: Set in Los Angeles over the course of 24 hours, “Criminal” follows a day in the life of two small-time bunco artists who stumble upon a foolproof, and extremely lucrative, scam. The story begins in a casino when Rodrigo (DIEGO LUNA) is caught pulling a “change-for-a-hundred” swindle on two different cocktail waitresses. The escapade is witnessed by Richard Gaddis (JOHN C. REILLY) an older, more experienced con artist who intervenes. Posing as a policeman he escorts Rodrigo away. Richard explains that he is temporarily in need of a partner and invites the younger man to help him pull a few jobs. Rodrigo is suspicious, but desperate to help his father who is in serious trouble over gambling debts. He agrees to try out a partnership. The two men are taking a break from a series of “nickel and dime” schemes when Richard is summoned to the luxury hotel where his sister Valerie (MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL) who hates him for swindling her and their younger brother Michael (JONATHAN TUCKER) out of their inheritance, works as the concierge. Valerie explains that an older Spanish man named Ochoa had been making a scene in the lobby trying to see VIP guest William Hannigan (PETER MULLAN). While being escorted out, he had collapsed, but not before calling out Richard’s name and begging Valerie to call him. Incensed that Richard and his low-life friends might endanger her job, she tells her brother to make sure both he and Ochoa never set foot in the hotel again.

View Trailer:
* Medium (Windows Media, Quick Time)

Prognosis: Semi-Positive. John C. Reilly. Not quite at the same level as a Bill H. Macy but he comes about as close as one can. He has had some great parts in flicks like MAGNOLIA, CHICAGO and BOOGIE NIGHTS.

“People fall through the cracks in life. Why does this happen? Because people don’t know what they want. I don’t have that problem.”

It’s not too often that we get one of the stars of a film to do a voiceover for a trailer but John does a good job starting things off. He sounds more believable than throaty voiceover guy and it’s adds a layer of believability to the thing that a 3rd person wouldn’t be able to convey.

What we see, after the vague initial introduction to Reilly, is Diego Luna; he is also starring in the Spanish language movie NICOTINA and this role requires no work on your behalf to decipher what he is saying. The man has access to two moviemaking communities: one that speaks English and one that doesn’t. Imagine the world with a bi-lingual Keanu, Diaz as a polyglot or if Gwyneth Paltrow actually made all her films in England where she could employ her fake fuc$%&# British accent she oh so loves to embrace and flaunt. The results would still be the same on all involved, to be sure, but Diego is able to work both sides of the language fence with great believability and, since this is actually a remake of an Argentinean movie called NINE QUEENS, it adds some token credibility to the production. Diego plays the part of a guy who has some money to burn by gambling it all away but Reilly wants to step in and show the kid a thing or two. Out of nowhere we are launched in the direction of Maggie Gyllenhaal, Reilly’s sister in this film, and we are introduced to the setup.

It seems sis works for a hotel, she calls John up to tell him of a potential “job,” and she tells him of a rich Irishman that John could easily swindle. The job involves currency forgery and, through a series of misadventures, there is a sub-plot of Diego and Maggie getting together and of John trying to pull off a deal that could net him hundreds of thousands of dollars. The trailer, near the end, gets too jumbled up and I’m not quite sure what is going on. It’s slightly confusing. If this was done by design, 2 points for you Trailer Maker Person, because while I think I have a grasp on things I am thinking there is a missed opportunity to showcase a little more Reilly.

The music behind everything is all right, the production values look minimal (as should be the case for an “indie” like this) and the very end of this trailer, in which John asks a rhetorical question (the very worst kind to ask if you’re not prepared to answer it), just leaves me feeling on the fence about how good this movie can be. I appreciate the effort, but I’m not entirely convinced of this film’s potential. I do appreciate, however, the super-hero team-up of Reilly and Diego. They look proportionately humorous and I hope this is taken advantage of in the most appropriate way possible.

Director: Zhang Yimou
Cast:Jet Li, Tony Leung Chiu-Wai, Maggie Cheung Man-Yuk, Zhang Ziyi, Chen Dao Ming, Donnie Yen
Release: August 27, 2004
Synopsis: At the height of China’s Warring States period, the country was divided into seven kingdoms: Qin, Zhao, Han Wei, Yan, Chu and Qi. For years, the separate kingdoms fought ruthlessly for supremacy. As a result, the populace endured decades of death and suffering. The Kingdom of Qin was the most determined of all. The Qin King was obsessed with conquering all of China and becoming her first Emperor. He had long been the target of assassins throughout the other six states. Of all the would-be killers, none inspired as much fear as the three legendary assassins, Broken Sword, Flying Snow and Sky.

The King hung on every detail of this curious story. But then something most unexpected happened – the King has a different story to tell of how Nameless really came to sit there, face to face with the King! It appears that everything was not so simple. In the centre of the intrigue sits Nameless -a solitary ranger and the King of Qin – the ruler of the Kingdom, with only ten steps between them. Within those ten steps holds an earth-shattering tale of love, honour and duty, a story that moves beyond the reaches of history. A story about what it means to be a HERO. View Trailer:
* Large (Quick Time)

Prognosis: One of the best this year. Sometimes some extra attention should be given to those who need a little boost. With a movie like HERO, however, it doesn’t need any.

However, seeing how I reviewed this bad boy nearly five months ago I still feel this movie has put out two good trailers now that show why having a great movie just makes the job that much easier for the guys and gals who make these trailers. There is no deception going on. There is no need to spooge all the money shots across the screen like a poorly made porno. This is unadulterated wire-fu that will turn away the foreign film readers of the world but it will reward those who just sit their butts down in the seats and give up a brisk 96 minutes (although the director’s cut gives almost an additional thirty). What makes this trailer so different than the last one?

Well, this trailer feels more sensuous. By this I do not mean you feel burning deep within your loins but I am referring to the palpable sense of touch, taste, smell, sound and sight that you experience watching this thing.

Quentin Tarantino is prominently given credit for presenting the film, and for good reason too as he’s been this film’s heavy hitter deep inside the bowels of Miramax, and it’s as he’s given his due that Taikos drum into the soundscape. We’re shown Jet Li, walking across a grey slate table, perched low to the ground, as he stomps his foot. A tea cup rises in the air as his sword cuts deep into bunches of stacked logs that spans the circular circumference of this very gray room. The logs fall but the tea cup ends up resting on the flat part of Li’s blade, the room not stirring save for the rumble of the tumbling lumber.

Throaty voice over guy chimes in with his chime about Li being a warrior with no name, but, disregarding the man’s voice, what really makes this trailer cook are the arrows, deep black ones, shot by a phalanx of soldiers aiming their high pitched arcs at Li. They look like a swarm of fast moving locusts but Li just stands there. The arrows, after hitting a long wall behind where Li stood are revealed to have made a perfect outline of his body. The scene, with its emphasis on blacks and reds, and its use of location and time, plays better than most any other snippet of footage used to pimp a film this year.

As a horde of men with spears encompass Li as he walks ever so slowly, poetically, we get another round of flying black arrows. As if to top the previous moment with Li, this time the arrows are shown making direct hits in the backs of Li’s people. The assault is vicious, swift and I find myself entrenching deeper into a feeling of sweet anticipation.

After this we get the point that he’s out to defeat some of the kingdom’s biggest enemies, one by one, a la a real hard version of old school Nintendo’s Kung Fu where you get even more snakes and dudes coming after you, the action getting more and more intense with every confrontation. The backgrounds and costumes and direction look better than any action movie in recent memory. With a film like this there will be, invariably, connotations to CROUCHING TIGER… but those who feel the need to categorize this movie thusly for review purposes need a quick monkey punch to the temple. The film looks solidly able to stand on its own cinematic feet but these kinds of comparisons will hopefully raise the consciousness of the film and not deter potential converts.

Debate all you want but I’ll tell you this: I know where I will be, finally, come August 27th. Yes, I understand this is, after all, just a movie but to be able and see someone flex some of the more lost elements of an action movie (story, direction, acting, etc…) is a treat worthy getting excited for and anticipating.

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