By Christopher Stipp
January 16, 2004
Welcome Mat
Hello, my name is Christopher and I’m an alcho….
Sorry, wrong meeting.
The very nature of a trailer is a tricky thing to nail down. The easiest definition of one that works is that it provides sufficient reason, in a very short amount of time, of why you should get your lazy ass out of the La-Z-Boy and into the theater to see a movie. They are powerful when done right (SPIDER-MAN) and make you seethe with hate when the makers do a bait-and-switch (STAR WARS: EPISODE I). They are advertisements, but I would gladly sit through dozens of mediocre trailers before I would sit through one showcasing for me the wonderful powers of Sierra Mist Lemon-Lime carbonated beverages. I know the latter are lying to me outright but I can’t help but be seduced every single time I see a trailer for a movie that does its job right. I’ll be here to give initial impressions, dig on the ones that smell rank, praise the ones that get me all bothered inside and add rambling commentary whenever I see fit.
I do want to give props at least once a week for one trailer that everyone needs to take a look at immediately. This week, my hat goes off to DAWN OF THE DEAD. I don’t care if you don’t like horror movies, I could care less if you don’t think you’d be interested, but this is a trailer that does all the right things.
When possible, I only link to Quicktime trailers, as I’m sure enough nerds out there will send me e-mails telling me that “Windows Media is the suck,†and so I hope you send your other comments, suggestions for other trailer reviews, or pleas for me to shut the eff up to me at Christopher_stipp@yahoo.com.
There are lots of trailers out there and there is something to be said for each one of them, good or bad. Let’s begin.
CLUB DREAD (2004)
Director: Jay Chandrasekhar
Cast: Jay Chandrasekhar, Kevin Heffernan, Steve Lemme, Paul Soter, Erik Stolhanske, Bill Paxton, Brittany Daniel
Release: 2004
Synopsis: When a serial killer interrupts the fun at the swanky Club Dread — a hedonistic island paradise for swingers — it’s up to the club’s staff to stop the violence … or at least hide it!
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Progonosis: Positive.
Guilty pleasures.
I really enjoy some comedies that most would turn their nose up at: REAL GENIUS, BRING IT ON, THE MEXICAN, even MISSION IMPOSSIBLE II. A few years ago I found SUPER TROOPERS on a DVD shelf and bought it sight unseen. I had heard from many that Broken Lizard’s first foray into comedic cinema was hilarious, fresh and needed to be seen. It still is a favorite of mine almost simply based on its replay factor. The new trailer for CLUB DREAD wisely starts with footage from SUPER TROOPERS as it reminds people who are brining this comedy to the big screen. With good establishing shots of the players, a quick rundown of the needless plot, a sprinkle of some T&A, which always does a body good, and some great screen time of Bill Paxson, I now have a reason to look forward to February 27th.
With only one major motion picture under their belt, the members of Broken Lizard have some experience on their side and, hopefully, the steam to keep these kinds of comedies alive.
MIRACLE (2004)
Director: Gavin O’Connor
Cast: Kurt Russell, Eddie Cahill, Michael Mantenuto, Patrick O’Brien Demsey, Kenneth Mitchell
Release: February 6, 2004
Synopsis: MIRACLE tells the true story of Herb Brooks (Russell), the player-turned-coach who led the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team to victory over the seemingly invincible Russian squad.
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Progonosis: Positive.
Some basic things are needed to make a trailer for a sports movie about making dreams happen:
1. Have some good era specific music-Cue Aerosmith’s “Dream Onâ€
2. Add some snippets of a wise talking coach-“I’m not looking for the best players; I’m looking for the right ones.â€
3. Show said coach having at least one angry outburst where miscellaneous crap flies everywhere-“I got no time for quitters!â€
4. Have it based on a true story and produced by Disney-Check.
I think I really didn’t want to like this trailer, but was sucked in by the near-always dependable Kurt Russell in his late-seventies-era hair helmet. This new movie from the Mouse House looks splendidly enjoyable for the sheer amount of times I’ll be able to hear the word hockey uttered by Bostonian accented thespians as “Haa-Key.†This is a trailer that does everything it’s supposed to when trying to sell an inspirational tale of the odds stacked against (insert underdog here). I didn’t especially enjoy REMEMBER THE TITANS, if only for its strict adherence to formula, so I’m hoping this one shakes things up a bit, but who am I kidding?
Boasting a cast who’ve been in everything from Felicity to Another Teen Movie, you can expect some unfamiliar faces mixed in with Ol’ Kurt leading his team to victory in the 1980 Olympics.
THE BIG BOUNCE (2004)
Director: George Armitage
Cast: Owen Wilson, Morgan Freeman, Gary Sinise, Sarah Foster, Vinnie Jones and Charlie Sheen
Release: January 30, 2004
Synopsis: Surfer/drifter/con man Jack Ryan (Wilson) makes his way to Hawaii and lands a job caring for Walter Crewes (Freeman), a judge on the island. His new gig leads to an involvement with a beautiful, enterprising woman (Foster), who’s really the lover of a real estate tycoon (Sinise) – a shady businessman and longtime rival of Judge Crewes. Ryan, naturally, has to choose between the woman, the money, or the honorable path.
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Progonosis: Positive.
The first thing you hear when you see the trailer for THE BIG BOUNCE is Owen Wilson’s voice. It’s a comforting thing to hear after his absence from the big screen since last years’ commercial hit SHANGHAI KNIGHTS.
The trailer gets down to business by letting us all know this movie is based upon an Elmore Leonard novel and showcases the wonderfully assembled cast that consists of Gary Sinise, Morgan Freeman, Charlie Sheen, and the always-fun-as-the-heavy Vinnie Foster. Then there’s some newcomer, Sarah Foster, who plays, from what I can tell by the trailer, the femme fatale, or the annoying nympho, I’m not sure yet, who gets Owen to steal some cash. I don’t know why, but it bugs me that she’s given so much time when there could be more play given to the other, more established actors who would be a better draw to get people to see this film.
A note to the execs: If you want people to come because there is the possibly of wanton nudity, super, but if you can’t deliver the goods when it’s go time, and judging by the PG-13 rating you’re not, it’s probably better to accentuate the story. If your movie blows and this is the only way you can sell it, I apologize profusely.
Other than that small bit of gnat buzzing annoyance it does look like it could be another solid film from the man who has written some great fiction and who has been adapted well by Steven Soderbergh and Barry Sonnenfeld. There is always a double-cross involved in these kinds of crime capers and with good ones that have been really solid lately, read here: MATCHSTICK MEN, I hope I won’t be able to figure it all out in the first twenty minutes.
THE PUNISHER (2004)
Director: Jonathan Hensleigh
Cast: Thomas Jane, John Travolta, A. Russell Andrews, Samantha Mathis, Ben Foster, Laura Harring, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, Roy Scheider, James Carpinello, Jeff Chase, Mark Collie, Russell Durham
Release: April 16, 2004
Synopsis: Special agent Frank Castle (Jane) had it all: A loving family, a great life, and an adventurous job. But when his life is taken away from him by a ruthless criminal (Travolta) and his associates, Frank has become reborn. Now serving as judge, jury, and executioner, he’s a new kind of vigilante out to wage a one man war against those who have done him wrong.
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Progonosis: Hopeful.
There are just some films you hope are great just because you know the source material from whence it came.
Such is the case with THE PUNISHER.
Way back when I was but a wee lad I was enamored by a comic visage that sat next to my monthly issues of G.I. Joe. It was Frank Castle in any one of his many pissed off poses, ready to shoot the living hell out of anyone who happened to happened to get him out of bed that morning. It was a forgone conclusion that this fanboy should have been first in line to see the first adaptation put to celluloid. It was not meant to be as it never even came close to ever being played in my neighborhood, and the first chance I had to see the first PUNISHER starring Dolph “Seriously, I’m A Chemical Engineer†Lundgren was on home video. It sucked.
This next installment, finally, has Thomas Jane donning the signature skull on his chest. The trailer is great in setting up the story of how The Punisher came to be, but there is just something about it, the lack of palpable moodiness, Jane’s dashing good looks, or Travolta really vamping it up as the screen’s baddie, that make me pause for a moment. I would have assumed it would be slightly more gritty, dirty, or even depressing. As it is, though, everything seems really well-lit. There are, however, some nice explosions, lots of assorted weaponry, senseless violence, pummelings galore, and some delicious peeks at Rebecca Romijn-Stamos that make this flick a hopeful crapshoot.
HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN (2004)
Director: Alfonso Cuarón
Cast: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Robbie Coltrane, Michael Gambon, Richard Griffiths, Gary Oldman, Alan Rickman, Fiona Shaw, Maggie Smith, Timothy Spall, David Thewlis, Emma Thompson, Julie Walters
Release: JUNE 4, 2004
Synopsis: In Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) and his friends Ron (Rupert Grint) and Hermione (Emma Watson) return for their third year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where the teenagers are forced to face their darkest fears as they confront a dangerous escaped prisoner (Gary Oldman) and the equally foreboding Dementors, who are sent there to protect them.
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Progonosis: Positive.
I’m hoping it was wasn’t just after the scene in Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN where two young men were just “finishing off†a session of self-love when execs at Warner’s thought Alfonso Cuaron would be perfect to helm one of the their greatest movie franchises.
I could be wrong about the whole thing, but how else could you explain how a man who made a wonderfully crafted film about a couple of boys coming of age filled with illicit drug use, sex, and some of the most frank dialogue that side of the border, get to film a slice of the biggest kid book craze since The Berenstain Bears? I’m very excited, however, that Alfonso was picked to guide an obviously pre-pubescent, judging by a line of dialogue that almost cracks though the speakers, Daniel Radcliffe and Co. with a greasy looking Gary Oldman as the movie’s nefarious villain in this third installment.
If you compare the feel and mood of the first trailer to this one you would see a substantial and noticeable difference. Whereas the first one set some things up and showed some of the more cheeky moments the film had to offer, this latest offering steamrolls over the pleasantries of the past and lets you know this edition of the Potter sequels might give the kiddies some nightmares. Good. It’s about time someone did something to give the little rugrats a little jolt. The trailer is dark, moody, let’s you know exactly what will he happening, but doesn’t give away an ending to an audience who could probably spend hours on end explaining it before you ever have a chance to experience it yourself.
TROY (2004)
Director: Wolfgang Petersen
Cast: Brad Pitt, Eric Bana, Orlando Bloom, Brian Cox, Sean Bean, Brendan Gleeson, Peter O’Toole, Diane Kruger, Saffron Burrows, Rose Byrne, Julie Christie, Garrett Hedlund
Release: May 14, 2004
Synopsis: In 1193 B.C., Prince Paris (Bloom) of Troy stole the beautiful Greek woman, Helen (Kruger), away from her husband, Menelaus (Gleeson), the king of Sparta, setting the two nations at war with each other, as the Greeks began a bloody siege of Troy using their entire armada, led by Achilles (Pitt), that lasted over a decade…
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Lemme see if I got this one right: The same man who directed DAS BOOT is making a movie, written by the same dude who crafted 25th HOUR based on one of Western civilization’s very first stories, and starring no less than Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, Sean Bean, Brian Cox, and Eric Bana? This could be a movie that could rival Gladiator in its grandeur of a time lost to history. Or it could completely suck.
One of the things that make this trailer so effective is its single shot opening of an armada of ships sailing towards land with the notion that there is going to be killing on a mass scale. That’s a very good thing going into the summer movie season. Also knowing how one of the key players bites it is also a great image to pine upon as the trailer goes on to show clashing armies, fireballs, swords, some hint there might be some tender lovin’ goin’ on, more swords, shields, and then a soft, dissolving flourish.
If you ever had to read the Iliad and the Odyssey as a kid you know that the events that transpire within its pages are the stuff of legend. Keeping that in mind, and realizing it is in the hands of some really established players, it has the potential of either being very fulfilling or going direct to video in four months. I know there’s a contingent of people who think Brad Pitt is a walking Ken doll but he’s done some notable work from FIGHT CLUB, SEVEN, even SNATCH. He deserves some credit. The trailer carries the hope it could be an Oscar contender come awards time but we won’t know anything until TROY hits in May.
DAWN OF THE DEAD (2004)
Director: Zack Snyder
Cast: Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, Jake Weber, Mekhi Phifer
Release: March 26, 2004
Synopsis: As the United States is turned upside-down by a strange plague-like event in which millions of corpses walk the earth as blood-thirsty zombies, a small group of survivors of the onslaught, which include a nurse (Polley) and a police officer (Rhames), try to find shelter and protection within a massive shopping mall.
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Progonosis: Excited.
I know it’s only January, but this could turn out to be one of the year’s best scare flicks.
In the last few years, Hollywood seems to be of the mindset that if you make it loud, visually in-your-face, have a wafer thin plot, and have a soundtrack that has “music inspired by†any number of forgetful garage bands, teenagers will give up their dough to see “horror†movies a la Final Destination 2, Jeepers Creepers 2, Darkness Falls, etc…
They were right.
However, the youth have been done a great disservice by not being allowed to have the same great visceral experience that comes with low budget, quality gore fests that were produced no more than a couple of decades ago and spawned the likes of Freddy Kruger and Jason Voorhees who, in the year 2003, were given the same treatment that made the other movies I mentioned so weak. Sigh.
This new remake of George Romero’s classic tale deals with zombies who need to live on human flesh after an unexplained plague takes over a small town and gets some help from Sarah Polley, Mekhi Phifer and Ving Rhames. While purists may cry out for any remake to go back to hell from whence it came I believe this trailer, starting the party by showing a little girl noshing on her daddy before trying to get to mommy, shows there is still life left in the zombie horror genre. There’s chaos, fire, guns, and more undead than you can shake a boomstick at. The action moves quickly, there is no nu-metal soundtrack, and does a near perfect job in setting the mood. Near the end of the Yahoo! trailer there is some manipulation with the picture and sound that gives this thing a nice touch.
Coming Next Week: JERSEY GIRL and much more!
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