Author: UncaScroogeMcD

  • Nocturnal Admissions: Movie Review, Deja Vu

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    Poster Many people could have directed Deja Vu, the new sci fi romance action thriller with Denzel Washington as an ATF agent who time travels in order to squash a terrorist attack. It’s the sort of idea that would appeal to numerous directors. For example, if Terry Gilliam had directed the film, it would end tragically, with time ineluctable and resistant to revision (as in his film 12 Monkeys), the lovers dying and the explosion going off as planned. If Brian De Palma had directed it, Deja Vu would have devolved into Denzel Washington learning that his best friend had sold out and helped the terrorists, and evil would once again triumph. If Michael Mann had helmed the film, the focus would be on the wear and tear on the team of agents, their exhaustion and the lack of appreciation for their labors. If Tony Scott had directed it, the film would be a non-stop tapestry of visual effects, MTV editing, and even text and other advertising techniques across the screen.

    Fire

    In fact, Tony Scott did direct the film (from a script credited to newcomer Bill Marsilii and Terry Rossio, who wrote Small Soldiers, Shrek and numerous other kids films). But it is a different Tony Scott from the one you may be familiar with from recent films such as Domino and Man on Fire, where he tries to outdo Oliver Stone in visual pyrotechnics (but even Stone has calmed down of late). The downshift in gears may be due to the fact that the narrative is so complex, to augment it with visual tricks would be to further burden an already taxed viewer with even more impediments to clarity.

    Heroine

    Denzel Washington plays Doug Carlin, a New Orleans ATF agent investigating the bombing of a ferry on Fat Tuesday. Soon enough he is approached by alleged FBI agent Pryzwarra (a puffy Val Kilmer), who tells Carlin about a new government technology that allows them to essentially videotape the recent past, but only exactly four days and X hours into the past. Through these technologies, Carlin is able to explore the case of Claire Kuchever (Paula Patton, of Hitch), whose body was found the same day as the terrorist attack (we used to call it sabotage), yet whose corpse bore evidence suggesting a connection with the attack. As Carlin studies her life (and falls in love with her), he yearns to find a way to go back and save her. The rest of the movie plays on that possibility. Here’s a hint: call him Saint Elsewhere.

    It’s a clever script that plays fair with the audience, once you get past the idea of time travel in the first place. It also links up with, and completes a trilogy of Scott’s recent forays into Stonian cinema of paranoia in films such as Enemy of the State and Spy Game, but it takes a softer stance. The massive intrusion that the so-called Snow White technology offers is only for the good, and maintained by essentially loyal hardworking Americans.

    Clue

    On the zeitgeist level, the film ties in with recent cultural products such as the British crime series Life on Mars (to be remade for the American market) and Day Break, a kind of Groundhog Day policier for network television. Why the sudden interest in time travel and rectifying mistakes? Perhaps we are all suddenly taking life more seriously within the current climate of war and terror and wish we could make the right decisions as we stumble though the day, with the option of fixing things if we totally mess them up anyway. Of course it is impossible, and the tragedy of life is that we have but this one chance.

    Helmet

    Anyway, it’s a terrific movie, perhaps a tad slow in its second quarter, revivified by a scene that is half gratuitous chase sequence and half deeply clever and mulit-layered. The love story is quite poignant, and the various deaths evoke memories of the darker elements of supposedly light fare on similar themes such as It’s a Wonderful Life. The cast is uniformally excellent and naturalistic, and it’s one of the best films of the already bloated holiday season so far.

  • Music For The Masses: Turkey Day, 2006

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    Hello, friends! Welcome to a special “Turkey Day” edition of “Music for the Masses.” First things first… Happy Thanksgiving everybody!! Having fun yet? If your household is anything like the Bell household, and I’m sure it’s EXACTLY like mine, you are just now beginning to remember that Thanksgiving is that one, “magical” time of the year where we gather our family and friends into one, tight-fitting location to firmly re-establish each and every dysfunction. Okay, maybe not every dysfunction… hell, for the Bell’s to cover everything we would need to extend Thanksgiving by a couple of days… a week, at the most. You’re also remembering that Thanksgiving is a time to dust off and celebrate your proud family traditions. For me, those “proud family traditions” include an under-cooked turkey, a fully cooked bag of “innards” inside said turkey (I get the neck!!), a gin-soaked grandmother telling jokes that would make a sailor blush (where the hell does she hear this shit?), a bathroom that smells like somebody killed a skunk in a French morgue after one of grandpa’s “movements” and, of course, my “uncle” showing up, “dressed to the nines” and looking like a reject from a bad Baz Luhrmann film. Good times… good times.

    M4M-NANCY-TURK

    My Uncle Nancy

    Yep, as you can probably guess, I’m glad that “Thanksgiving at the Bell’s,” much like a married man, only comes once a year. However, lest we forget, Thanksgiving isn’t just a “frying pan to the face” reminder of just HOW fucked up a family can be when assembled under one roof. It’s also a time for one to give thanks to… well, to whatever the hell it is you’re thankful for. Personally, I’m thankful for lots of things. For instance, I’m thankful that Michael Jackson now lives in Ireland, where, one assumes, he is trying to determine if young Irish boys are “magically delicious.”

    M4M-JACKO-TURK

    I’m thankful for Kevin Federline’s “talent” and Brittany’s parenting skills and the many hours of laughter those two have brought me. I’m thankful for Pearl Jam fans and the numerous and colorful ways they told me to go fuck myself when I made fun of their “favorite” band awhile back. I’m thankful for the cookouts I attended at Reverend Ted Haggard’s house this summer. Say what you will about the man, but let me tell you this… he is an absolute magician with those wieners!!

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    I’m thankful that I’ve never met Dateline reporter Chris Hansen. I’m thankful for internet porn sites that have shown me the glory of the Cleveland Steamer, the Rusty Trombone, “ATM,” “Cream Pies,” Bukaki and Brazilian Fart Porn (yes, sadly, that really exists). I’m thankful to Paris Hilton for showing the world that you don’t need talent to be famous. I’m thankful that I was never an alter boy thus denying a Catholic priest a chance to size up my anus with his index finger. In that regard, I guess I’m also thankful I was never in the Boy Scouts. I’m thankful for Don Julio Tequila® and its ability to turn this…

    M4M-DOGS-TURK

    Into this. . .

    M4M-BABES-TURK

    But you know what I’m most thankful for? Why, I’m most thankful for you, dear reader, and your enormous capacity for putting up with all my bullshit for the past year. All ten of you are the ABSOLUTE best and I’d give each and every one of you a giant kiss right this very minute, but I got this sore-thing on my lip and… well… you know.

    But enough about all of that. It’s time now to check out some new music! We’re keeping it short this week as I take a quick look at the soundtrack to the new Tenacious D movie and Double A fires up the latest from Snoop Dogg. Plus, we provide another opportunity for aspiring artists to “Pimp Their Band.” Should be fun. So, what do you say? Let’s get to it, shall we??!!

    M4M-TDPICK-TURK Artist: Tenacious D
    Album: The Pick of Destiny
    Bastard Love Child of: Ronnie James Dio and Frank Zappa
    Best for: Rockin’ Your Fuckin’ Socks Off!!!

    A long ass fuckin’ time ago,

    In a town called Kickapoo.

    There lived a humble family

    Religious through and through.

    But nay there was a black sheep

    And he knew just what to do.

    His name was young J.B.

    And he refused to step in line.

    A vision he did see-eth

    Fuckin’ rockin’ all the time.

    He wrote a tasty jam

    And all the planets did align. . .

    -from the opening track, “Kickapoo”

    M4M-TDPOSTER-TURK

    I don’t know about you, but I cannot wait to see this movie. In fact, just the thought of seeing it makes me more euphoric than Lindsay Lohan with a belly full of pills and an arm-full of knife wounds. Sure, some of the things I saw in an early trailer at Comic-Con this year and some of the things I’ve heard regarding the movie (especially the whole “flying Sasquatch” thing) are fucking bizarre even by Tenacious D standards, but, regardless, I’m confident that if anybody can pull it off, it’s Jack Black and Kyle Gass. They always do. After all, they’re fucking rock gods…

    M4M-TD-TURK

    Seriously. I LOVE the “D” and their first studio album with its blend of humor and acoustic “folk metal” is absolutely brilliant. In fact, I shit you not when I say that it is one of my all time favorite discs. If you don’t have it yet, buy it. Now. Go ahead… I’ll wait. “Kielbasa Sausage… your butt checks is warm.” Pure gold. I’m also confident that the new movie will be absolutely brilliant, but after giving the accompanying soundtrack more than enough time to grow on me, I gotta say… this is not a disc befitting the “Greatest Band in the World.”

    M4M-PICK-TURK

    For those of you playing along at home, all of the elements that made the first disc so damn entertaining are present here: JB’s surprisingly impressive voice, KG’s surprisingly nimble guitar work and liberal rhyming of the words “cock” and “rock.” Unfortunately, none of these elements are given sufficient time to shine and too much of the disc’s RIDICULOUSLY short running time is spent flushing out the plot of the movie… which, as I’ve already noted, most of us haven’t seen. I gotta ask, guys… what the fuck?? Why the hell release it a week and half before the movie? WHY??!! I haven’t seen a gross miscalculation on this scale since Michael Richards sparred with some hecklers. What I’m trying to say here is that the end result is a choppy and, perhaps more surprisingly, largely unfunny disc. I’m guessing that when paired with the movie, this soundtrack is going to prove frickin’ (yes, frickin’) hilarious but until then, and as a stand alone disc, it just falls flat.

    M4M-SKIVY-TURK

    “D” fans deserve more and, I’m confident, we will eventually get it. Unfortunately, now is not the time.

    Rating: 2.5 out of 5

    M4M-DOUBLEA-TURK
    M4M-DOGG-TURK

    Snoop Dogg’s “Glamour Shots®?”

    You remember Pee Wee’s Playhouse? You remember how every show started off with Pee Wee going to his robot Conky and finding out the secret word for the day? If Pee Wee had been listening to The Blue Carpet Treatment by Snoop Dogg, the secret word would have been “Boring.” Either that or “Collapsible Baton,” but that’s a joke for a whole other criminal trial. I didn’t have that high of hopes, no pun intended, for this disk. I was never a huge Snoop fan, but I have bumped his tunes several times in the past. That’s what makes this album all the more disappointing. I like they guy, I just don’t like this album. Hopefully me saying this wont force Snoop to come after me with the aforementioned “Collapsible Baton.” Well, not the same baton he tried to smuggle on that plane. I’m guessing that one got confiscated, but I would assume Snoop has two or three back-ups. He seems like that kind of person. But I digress.

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    Like I said, this album is just flat-out-boring. I have listened to it several times and I cannot recall anything that stands out. I’m even listening to it as I write this, and besides the song that’s on, I can’t tell you a thing about this disk. Well, that’s not entirely true, but I’m trying to prove a point here. If I were to choose another word to describe this album, it would be “lazy.” Snoop, to me, has always been all about “being different than everyone else.” From his lyrical stylings to his delivery, no one else on the scene sounds quite like Snoop. While this album is still very “Snoop,” the flashy raps are gone. All the lyrics here are stale, stale, stale… kinda like Snoop just needed money to keep himself in “the weed.”

    Nothing on this album stands out. Okay… if you were to twist my arm, or threaten me with a collapsible baton, I would say that the song “Candy (Drippin’ Like Water)” is the best on the disk, but even that’s stretching it. Filled with guest stars like E-40, MC Eiht, Daz and Kurupt, this song should be a good one. Unfortunately it falls just as flat as the others. With so many good guest stars on the album, Dr. Dre, B-Real, R. Kelly, The Game, Jaime Foxx, you would think that there would be something to go on here. Come on Snoop! You have R. Kelly on this album! At least put some rhymes on there about peeing on underage girls! Well, if anything, at least I got to make several jokes about Snoop and his “collapsible baton.”

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    R. Kelly

    Rating: 1 out of 5

    BAND OF THE WEEK!!!!

    You know? In addition to MySpace being a GREAT place to meet a Dateline reporter. . .

    M4M-CHRIS-TURK

    it’s also a great place to check out some new and/or unsigned artists. To honor these individuals and their art, I thought it would be cool to feature a band here each time out, sans any remarks or comments from yours truly. Consider this your place to shine. If you want you or your band featured here, just drop me a line. Up this week…

    M4M-STEEL-TURK

    Steel Loaded

    Waco, TX

    www.myspace.com/steelloaded or www.steelloaded.com

    Band Members:

    Brian: Vocals and Guitar

    Taylor: Lead Guitar

    Kevin: Bass

    Rance: Drums

    Upcoming Shows: Waco’s “Battle of the Bands Finals” (Graham’s on 11/29/06)

    CD Available? Yes… “You Don’t Know Me”

    Band’s Bio: ” Since my early childhood years, it has been a dream of mine to one day have or play in a slamming rock band. I got my first electric guitar at age 6. By the 5th grade I was trying to get something going.

    It wasn’t easy being a 5th grader and trying to find a group of guys to jam with. This is when I met Kevin Knox (better known as “Big Kev”). He quickly became a good friend and a really good bass player. The next big thing that happened came when we met Rance Northern.

    Me and Big Kev were invited by Rance’s dad to a Christmas party at their house in 2004. We were told to bring all of our equipment because we were going to rock out that night. Rance played the drums all night. I always knew he could play but it just blew us away! We knew right then we had found our drummer and quickly began practicing regularly and learning cover songs and things like that.

    All this time we are getting anxious for find a “kick ass” singer so we started letting our friends sit in and they sounded ok but we all wanted something better. Big Kev saved the day for us when he invited Brian Courtney to come and watch us play and sing a song or two. Kevin told us that Brian could sing and play the guitar. We were ready to listen.

    So, next things next, we are at the “jam pad” and all these people are around listening to us play. We started playing “Creep” by the Stone Temple Pilots and Brian grabbed the microphone. WE WERE SHOCKED!!! Everbody in the room was like “Oh Hell Yea!!!….this guy has to be your new singer!

    By March of 2005, STEEL LOADED was officially formed. So Let’s get JAMMING!!!”

    —Taylor Williams

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    Message from the band: October 2006: Steel Loaded is back in the studio again. They are working on a 5 song demo with all new songs! It will be finished sometime in early 2007.

    M4M-STEEL3-TURK

    Be sure to check them out!!!

    Well, folks, that’s going to do it for me and the gang this week, so. . .until next time… keep wearing it proud and playing it loud.

    Send your left-over turkey necks, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:


    M.C. Bell
    P.O. Box 1222
    Arvada, CO 80001

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    HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!

    E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 11/22/2006

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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    • Why so depressing, Charlie Brown? The 5 lamest Charlie Brown cartoons… (Thingamabob)
    • New Kaspar Hauser comedy. Go. Watch. Laugh. (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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  • Take Me Home Blog #16: In Memoriam – Robert Altman

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    I was washing dishes this morning when I heard the news on the radio. In some unspecified Los Angeles hospital, at some unspecified time of night, director Robert Altman died. He was 81 years old. In his parting, he leaves with us a body of work that pushed the limits of filmmaking.

    TWO JOURNEYS
    Robert Altman was, and will forever be, an exception to many rules. Practically every film released by a major studio since the success of Star Wars has followed The Hero’s Journey first defined by Joseph Campbell; a young man/woman must accept a task and ultimately overcome personal and situational obstacles to succeed in the end. But Robert Altman never seemed to play by these rules of cinema. His work wasn’t about the ordinary person against extraordinary odds, but the ordinary person against common odds. His films are as close as cinema has come to an honest depiction of life.

    Beginning with Countdown in 1968, it was clear Altman had a different focus. The film, starring Robert Duvall and James Caan, was a documentary-style drama that revolved around the first mission to the moon and the toll it took on both the astronauts and their families. The film, though not considered among his best, indicated two very important characteristics of the films to come. Firstly, the film was topical; America was to land their first man on the moon later that year. But it was the documentary style, the attempt to catch characters in the middle of struggles rather than from beginning to end, that Altman quickly perfected. Two years later he would shadow the Vietnam war with the anti-war classic M*A*S*H.

    THE (anti)ANTI-WAR FILM
    The film, set during the Korean War, is as black a comedy as you’re likely to come across. No “Hero’s Journey” here. No scenes of precious indignation, no long-winded speeches about the atrocities of battle. The people of this film are too busy creating havoc with episodic parties and pranks. Isn’t this a more honest depiction of how we as human’s cope with life during wartime? Most other films about war, no matter how light their mood at the onset, eventually culminate with some remarkably “honest” realization for the hero (see also Good Morning Vietnam). That, for the first time, the hero (and thusly, we the audience) get the point: that war is hell. We see bodies on stretchers. The carnage left after artillery fire. What’s the brutally honest climax of M*A*S*H? A fixed game of football featuring heavily doped athletes. Offensive? Possibly? But… accurate?

    One of the other constraints of The Hero’s Journey is that the hero/heroine is called to duty and mentored throughout his quest by an old wise man (see also Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and of course Mr. Miyagi). What’s Altman’s answer to that? Quite possibly Jack Lemmon’s character from Short Cuts, an estranged father who tries to gain his son’s sympathy by explaining his infidelity. He’s clearly the elder statesman of the film, but all he can offer the hero is shameless rationale that borders on denial.

    DECADE (AND A HALF) UNDER THE INFLUENCE
    While Altman may have faltered through most of the late eighties and early nineties, it had more to do with the enormous shift in cinema than with the director’s vision. His film adaptation of the beloved cartoon Popeye was a risky failure. Altman was exploring many new creative avenues… perhaps too many. His film was a musical about a popular NON-musical cartoon icon. It was Altman’s largest budget. It was also a critical and commercial failure. Popeye, along with Coppola’s Apocalypse Now and Michael Cimino’s notoriously bloated Heaven’s Gate tightened the reigns on 70’s filmmakers. Because of these costly endeavors, the studios took back the power from directors and have retained that control ever since. Altman would never helm a major studio film again. It may have taken the next decade for Altman to come to terms with these constraints. In the end, was worth the wait.

    In the early 1990’s, Altman returned to critical acclaim with the searing black comedy The Player. Born out of the creative turmoil he faced in Hollywood following Popeye, The Player was a sinister look at the inner-workings of an industry that had given him every freedom and inevitably taken them all back. What was most notable about the film’s reception is that its champions were, coincidentally, Hollywood insiders themselves. Did this in some respect pave the way for the self-congratulatory work to come (how much fun has this industry gotten out of patting its own back? See also HBO’s over-hyped and under-amusing Entourage).

    EAVESDROPPING
    It can be said that Altman was not meant for the big-budget film, and vice versa. His films didn’t hit you over the head with lessons to be learned, nor did they flourish due to grand camera moves and roaring musical scores. It’s comical to imagine him at the helm of a Gladiator or Troy. Those situational “epics” didn’t seem to interest him in the slightest. It wasn’t the grand that fascinated Altman, but the mundane. His films are the conversations you hear from the next table over, the ones you probably shouldn’t be listening in on, but can’t help yourself.

    If a person approaches an Altman film expecting to see anything BUT a Robert Altman film, he or she is likely to be confused and possibly anxious. This may be what kept his audiences relatively small, but also incredibly loyal. Altman didn’t reveal his themes, nor did he indicate where these particular stories would lead. He didn’t seem concerned with where he was taking you. It was never about the destination to Robert Altman, but the journey itself.

    That was the kind of journey Altman knew to be endlessly more rewarding.

    -Sam Jaeger

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  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 11/21/2006

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

    ————————————————

    • Watch an episode of Quick Draw McGraw, right now, on your computer. Will miracles never cease? (Thingamabob)
    • Watch a fascinating interview with Bob “Captain Kangaroo” Keeshan… (Thingamabob)
    • Who knew that finding a bar of soap in the woods could change your personality so drastically? (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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  • Keneteph’s Korner: Industry Profiles – Thomas Golubic

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    Industry Profiles: Thomas Golubic

    keneteph2006-11-20.jpgSuccess and innovation come to those who have a general interest in helping others.  Music supervisor Thomas Golubic is an example of this.  His own creative innovation has brought about a new sound in cinema and music that hasn’t been heard before.  He started a monthly scene in Hollywood, CA called Synchronize Live where he re-scores classic films, putting new songs and mixes in them.  A few of the films he’s re-scored are 2001: A Space Odyssey, Requiem for a Dream, and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.   Golubic got his start in the business as a DJ on Los Angeles station KCRW, after having a not so successful internet magazine.  “I volunteered at the station because I wanted to help them avoid the mistakes I made from having an internet magazine,” he stated.  Being heard on the air eventually landed him the opportunity to be a music supervisor.  Some of the projects he’s done music supervision for are the TV show Las Vegas, and the HBO series Six Feet Under.

    For those who don’t know, music supervisors are in charge of finding the right music for film and TV productions.  “We look at things from a creative process, with each step being different depending on the project.  Music for film is very different than finding music for TV-even steps in finding music for an independent film vs. a mainstream film is different.”  Admitting he’s better enjoyed music supervising for film, he took his passion to create Synchronize Live.  Combining the mash-up skills of a true DJ, and his experience as a music supervisor, Golubic is able to enhance the score of a film with new music, without taking away from the original audio.

    Golubic has stuck true to the art of mash-ups and has also formed a group called The Arbiters.  The group is made up of himself and other music enthusiast who creatively mash-up hip hop, rock, soul, and every other inspiring music to make an even more powerful sound.  “This started when I was a DJ for the closing parties at the Sundance Film Festival, and took older songs, and put accapellas to new songs to them.  The crowd really loved it.”

    Before writing this article I was listening to their mashup The Sure Side of Fame, which takes elements from David Bowie’s Fame, John Lennon, and combines it with accapellas from Biggie and Tupac.  The art of Mashups, actually started with hip hop, which Golubic calls “one of the most important movements in the past 30 years.”  “There is more great music available now than ever.  What is popular may not be great, but there’s a lot of good lesser known underground music.”  The Arbiter’s musical innovation awarded them the myspace music pick of the month this past June.  What makes their mixes so nice to listen to is that you can hear the passion that was put in each mix.  It’s like eating your grandma’s cooking where you can taste that she made it with love, only with this the sound your ears are taking in you can feel was put together by people who have a sincere keenness for what they are doing.  “I love touching people through music.  Good music and film can reach people’s souls and open them up to ideas they would otherwise never have thought of.”

    In the future, Thomas Golubic wants to get synchronize in more film festivals, and continue to work with great filmmakers.  For more information on his work go to www.arbiters.multiply.com, and www.myspace.com/synchronizelive.

    Copyright 2006 Keneteph Entertainment

  • “Oooooh”¦ Shiny.” #1: ARK II The Future

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    Okay, here it is – only I’m not quite sure what “it” is going to be. But as the boss of this site, Ken Plume, tells me, this is my own little section of cyberspace to do with as I please. I’ve been here in cyberspace before – most recently reviewing DVDs for a site called DVDAngle, a combination of two events ended my participation. First, I became very tired of reviewing the constant barrage of “Red Green” DVDs that were sent my way, and around the same time I experienced trouble critiquing Red’s adventures with duct tape, the site stopped operating entirely.

    Before that, I tried to revolutionize the movie review industry with my own site “The Movie Monkey,” an award-winning, yet time consuming effort whose brilliance can still be enjoyed via “waybackmachine.com.”

    But that was then, this is now – and as I said earlier, “this is it” – and as I say now for the first time, “here I am.” But who, am I? In my bio, I describe myself as a writer in various media. After spending 14 years at the Jim Henson Company (working on everything from full scripts to the backs of trading cards), I went freelance and have written episodes of Courage the Cowardly Dog, Oobi and several pilots that you’ve never heard of. My most recent achievement is the creation and writing of a series of Disney Channel interstitial cartoons called Lou and Lou: Safety Patrol. And, I write my own plays and screenplays to help keep me sane.

    I am also on the Board of Directors of The Jim Henson Legacy, a non-profit organization which helps to preserve Jim Henson’s work. It is through my continuing association with the Henson organization that I began dabbling as a documentarian – first producing a one-hour Emmet Otter retrospective for the show’s most recent DVD release, and now I’m working on producing a new project to bring Jim Henson’s short films and commercials to a wide audience.

    Full disclosure: I am very happily married to the lovely and talented Stephanie D’Abruzzo, Tony-nominee for her performance in the original Broadway Cast of Avenue Q. And, in a nice bit of Quick Stop synergy, she recently filmed a guest star role in the musical episode of Scrubs, during which I incessantly shot oodles of tape so I could make some guest contributions to the “Scrubs Production Blog.”

    Stephanie also gave me the name for this column – describing “Ooooh… Shiny!” as the expression of wonderment that comes over my face when I see something incredibly cool – either on television or in a store window when she’s trying to pull me through the mall on the way to buy socks or some other necessary item. Mind you, I don’t really say it – I just look like I may do so at any moment. Stephanie also inadvertently supplied the graphic that accompanies the title when she commissioned Avenue Q’s Rick Lyon to construct a puppet version of me as a recent birthday gift. Trust me, it’s a perfect likeness.

    So as I said twice previously, “this is it.” And, to be slightly more specific, yet still vague, “this” is anything I want it to be – Reviews, Opinions, Anecdotes, Pictures, Audio, Video – who knows, but we’ll find out together. And what do we find this week? A review of one of may favorite Saturday morning kid shows of the 1970’s, and the most recent to arrive on DVD, Ark II.

    shiny2006-11-20-01.jpgI can just imagine the pitch meeting.

    “It takes place on post-apocalyptic Earth… the place is a wreck. The cities are all gone. A nuclear holocaust. Wars! Environmental disaster! Overpopulation! Are you with me? And, there’s this team of young people in a souped-up RV and they go throughout the wastes and deserts and help people. The planet blew itself up and our heroes are in this portable laboratory and they’re helping everyone.”

    “Sounds good, Lou.”

    “Yeah. And it’s a Saturday morning show for the kiddies.”

    “We’ll take it. But, you gotta throw in a talking monkey.”

    “Deal!”

    Well, maybe it didn’t happen that way, but I’m guessing that’s close to how one of my favorite shows of my youth was born. The show was Ark II and for those of you who were too young or too old to enjoy the program when it was broadcast on CBS back in 1975, that really was what the show was about.

    Produced by Filmation, which was primarily an animation company before it had some success in live action with Shazam and Isis, Ark II was the first of Lou Scheimer and Norm Prescott’s science fiction series – Space Academy and Jason of Star Command would soon follow. Their live-action Ghost Busters starring Forrest Tucker and Larry Storch is also worth mentioning, and may be the topic of an entire essay in the future.

    Terry Lester (later to star in Young & the Restless) led the Ark II crew as Jonah, accompanied by Ruth (Jean Marie Hon), Samuel (Jose Flores) and a talking chimp named Adam (played by a non-talking chimp named Mooch).

    Oh, and the guest stars!! The guest stars!!!! The DVD is well worth the price just to see Lost in Space‘s Jonathan Harris chew the scenery in TWO episodes as Fagon – a futuristic play on Dickens’ Fagin, leading a group of orphans in small time crookery. (Chewing the scenery is more figurative than literal, as Filmation’s early live action programs were shot almost entirely outdoors to avoid the cost of building sets – why do you think Billy Batson and Mentor drove around in a Winnebago and didn’t have a cool Batcave-like HQ?) Don’t forget to watch for a very young Helen Hunt, a very old Jim Backus and an ageless Robbie the Robot.

    And the greatest star of all – the Ark II vehicle, which to a 10-year old child in 1976 was the coolest thing on wheels since the Batmobile – trust me, I happened to be a 10-year-old child back then. We can’t forget the Ark Rover, a small jeep-like thing which was carried in the back of the Ark (although even a ten year old had questions about how the passenger quarters of the Ark could be so large and still carry the Rover inside). Oh, and of course, there’s the Jet Jumper – which was just a fancy name for the real-life experimental Bell Rocket Belt. (Yup, the same thing that we all thought we would be flying around with by now, if the scientists could every figure out how to carry more than one minute’s worth of fuel in the darn thing).

    Well, after decades of relative obscurity under the ownership of various parties (including a stint with Hallmark entertainment), various Filmation properties are emerging on DVD for the first time courtesy of BCI-Eclipse. Ark II is the first of the live action programs to be seen outside of the bootleg DVD tables at every science fiction and comic book convention across the country.

    BCI-Eclipse has packaged the program beautifully, adding several bonus features to the mix, the most significant of which is a retrospective documentary. Produced by novelist and entertainment writer, Andy Mangels, the 30-minute “Launch of Ark II” is a well-made collection of interviews and photos. Mangels managed to assemble a pretty good collection of insiders – a pretty neat trick when you consider the program is 30 years old and produced only 15 episodes during its entire run.

    Leading the list of interview subjects is Lou Scheimer, a name those in my generation will only recognize when accompanied by “Norm Prescott” in a revolving circle of text. The still beautiful Jean Marie Hon-Trager (Ark II‘s Ruth, whom we learn is now a pharmacist in California), producer Richard M. Rosenbloom, director Henry Lange and writer David Dworski also participate. Long time fans and newcomers will enjoy their behind-the-scenes anecdotes, (did you know Ark II was built on a very cheap truck chassis that kept breaking down so much that they had a welder on standby?)

    Also included are two audio commentaries by those involved in the documentary interviews, a photo gallery and an art gallery of illustrations for a proposed animated version of Ark II (And no, its not Lou Scheimer’s Ark II Babies). A booklet containing basic information and fun facts about each episode is packed inside the crisply designed colorful packaging (although I will say some of the print was a bit tiny for those of us who actually grew up in the 1970’s).

    The only bad news here (other than the really depressing cold-war era pessimistic mood you’re in after watching this show for a few hours) is the actual condition of the episodes themselves. The show was most likely shot on 16mm film, which yields a somewhat low resolution image to begin with, but the Ark II episodes on this DVD look like they themselves have been dragged behind the Ark Roamer through the desert wastelands. While certainly more watchable than the convention bootleg versions, the image quality is a disappointment.

    My own theory is that the original 1970’s era videotape transfers of the 16mm film masters may have been used for this release. Telecine technology has improved over the past quarter century and I can’t help but think that new transfers would have really made a difference here, but I can’t be sure. This material may have been the best available, or the only material available. Pure conjecture here, but sometimes properties that are sold from entity to entity occasionally lose some elements along the way.

    In any event, BCI-Eclipse has shows a great deal of respect to Ark II and they should be applauded. In an industry where legendary television shows like The Andy Griffith Show are released without any DVD extras, and a 15-episode, mostly forgotten children’s show from the 1970’s gets a package like this, the DVD label responsible should be supported with sales and kudos, so they continue to offer this same treatment to future releases (and maybe even work on getting better quality elements!).

    Go buy this DVD – and consider its grainy image quality an unlisted bonus feature – let’s call it “Seventies Vision” – because I just realized that Ark II looks just like it did when I was watching it on broadcast television in 1976 (except I think we were between color televisions at the time, and this DVD has no Evel Kneivel toy commercials on it). And just as most Filmation shows ended with some sort of public service commentary, let’s end this review the same way. “Put litter in its place, kids. Now stay tuned for In the News on most of these CBS stations.”

  • Spook’d #104: The Spook’d Finale

    by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee

    Well, Seth and I made the tough decision to put Spook’d on an indefinite hiatus while we work on some other projects. As long-time fans of the horror genre, we’ve had a lot of fun working on this series for the past two years, but we have some other projects that need our attention right now. We might revisit Spook’d at a later time (and we already have a couple characters that made a cameo appearance in Spook’d that will be branching off into their own stories), but for now, it’s time to say good-bye.

    ARCHIVES | OLDER ARCHIVES

    Spook’d Finale – Part One | Spook’d Finale – Part Two

    To see Spook’d host Alastor’s blogging silliness and more fun Spook’d stuff,visit the Spook’d Web site!

    Check out the preview to…

    E-MAIL WRITER | ABOUT JEFF | ABOUT SETH | SPOOK’D BLOG | SPOOK’D FORUM | ARCHIVES | OLDER ARCHIVES

    Disclaimer: All material in Spook’d is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.

  • Party Favors: Sundance Or Bust

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    PARK CITY, UTAH – I’m the King of Sundance, bitches!

    In what’s gonna be the worst kept secret, my documentary Moving Midway will be this year’s big buzz flick on the snowy slopes.  We’re pretty much a lock for the festival. There’s a lot of fakers who claim their films will be playing Sundance. But our movie was directed by Godfrey Cheshire, who swears that the fix is in. Geoffrey Gilmore is so dazzled by Godfrey that if we sent in a blank video cassette, he’d book it for two hours. And the audience would see what Godfrey had intended to film in the blackness on the screen. They’d call it a silent version of Derek Jarmen’s Blue. I’m the Deconstruction Producer on the film (which will make me a superstar in France).

    The movie itself is an amazing tale about a New York film critic who periodically returns to the South to see the family’s old plantation house get moved after his cousin accepts millions of dollars for the land. They’re turning the space into a Target and Home Depot. The main focus of the film is that Godfrey’s ancestors were nice to their slaves. Indeed we discovered that the slaves on the plantation had health and dental benefits. They also had a 401-K set up by their owners. Unfortunately they mostly invested in .com stocks. There’s a sweet moment when Godfrey discovers that many of his ancestors enjoyed screwing the owned help. The slave owners didn’t consider it rape. They were merely diversifying the portfolio. As far as the house moving goes, Godfrey takes what would be a 10 minute segment on The History Channel’s Mega Movers and draws it out for two and a half hours. It’s so thrilling to watch a house move a mile every five hours.

    I cried after I saw the first cut. I knew that there’s no way those sissies up at the Sundance Institute wouldn’t just give us all the big awards before the first screening. Maybe they should just only show Moving Midway at Sundance this year because it’d be a shame that the other 100 movies to be forgotten in it’s deep, dark shadow of brilliance. Godfrey might be on the cover of TIme, Newsweek and Film Superstar Journal in the same week.

    What’s amazing is that a majority of my work on the film, consisted of a crew including the cameraman and…..me. We spent days roaming around the site videotaping the house being deconstructed and readied for it’s big move. This is why I claimed the title of Deconstruction Producer. Godfrey would show up for maybe 10 minutes to be able to get himself filmed near the project. But yet he was the best damn director you’d ever experience in those 10 minutes. I would never consider myself a director during those dirty, nasty, buggy days as dust rose from that old house. No one can take credit for the auteur vision that belongs to Godfrey! But of course with such a cool title as Deconstruction producer, I’ll get a special award when we arrive at Cannes. I believe they are already calling me “the New Jerry Lewis” in Paris.

    I’ve already heard a rumor that Robert Redford is going to let me stay in his compound instead of a dumpy hotel. We’re going to spend most of the day hunting elk, skiing Mount Mitt and getting massages from Parker Posey. He’s even contemplating letting me call him Bob. He might even forgive me for once quoting Elmer Bernstein when he said, “Robert Redford imagines himself as a bronze statue in Central Park that is so dazzling and brilliant that the pigeons won’t shit on him.” Damn it. I repeated it. But it’s what Elmer said when we chatted.

    The film itself is the work of a genius. There’s no way a pigeon will shit on Moving Midway: The Future Grand Prize Winner for Documentaries at Sundance.  I’ve known Godfrey Cheshire for over 20 years and he’s the kind of friend who would give you a kidney and a chunk of liver without even being asked. Godfrey would reach into his mouth and yank out a kidney. I felt that our time on the location watching that house move that I had gone back to film school. He knew so much about the camera and sound. He’s just like Kubrick or Marty. I know that when he becomes big and famous, he’s bringing me along on his next project. He’s loyal to his crew like a pirate captain. Godfrey Cheshire is the greatest friend I’ve ever had. If my dad died, he’d adopt me. And he always had time to ask how I was doing. The man cared about my emotions. He’s like a cinematic Dr. Phil.

    The owner of the house, Charlie Silver was the sweetest guy in the world. He was so open to me during our long days at his house. And he made sure that we knew everything that was going on. And he was so truthful about me when talking with others. The man was one big ego massager. I might name my next kid or hunting dog after Charlie Silver. I’m thrilled that his life story will now be coming to theaters around America.

    I hope that my news of Moving Midway being the toast of Park City won’t sadden other indie filmmakers. But let’s face it, you’re all a bunch of second class citizens when compared to Godfrey Cheshire. He’s the future of films. You’re just a bunch of frauds. So learn to bow your heads when he walks down the street. Or you will be dealt with extreme smite action.

    And if any of Sundance bound reporters can’t hook up with Godfrey (because you know he’s going to be exclusive property of the top line publications), drop me a line and I will tell you of his greatness. Also keep an eye out for my “making of” Moving Midway coming to Youtube.com. Of course being the greatest Deconstruction Producer to grace Park City, will mean I might be busy trying to juggle Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan and Estelle Getty through my bedroom. I mean Estelle Warren. I’m saving Estelle Getty for a torrid night in Cannes.

    HOW IS IT INDIE FRIENDLY?

    The Indie film community does need to revolt against Sundance. It’s the most over priced film festival in America for filmmakers involved. Who thought of throwing a film festival in the middle of ski season in a ski town to pay tribute to brokeass filmmakers? When I get prices for rooms quoted to me, why does it seem cheaper to just buy the frickin’ ski lodge? I can buy a new car cheaper than a week to get in touch with my poverty row indie filmmaking kin.  A few folks hit the lottery during their stay. But a majority of the filmmakers just have one more maxed out credit card to go with their Robert Townsend collection.

    Would it kill Sundance to move the festival to the off-season?

    Money shouldn’t be a problem to me since Miss Cleo predicted that Tom Cruise and Harvey Weinstein will have a bidding war for Moving Midway: The Front Runner for Sweeping All the Awards at Sundance. Harvey is still bitter from when I said that his best feature was his intestinal parasite.  Of course after Harvey and Bob made an exclusive deal to only have their Weinstein Company DVDs rented from Blockbuster, I don’t want to deal with them. I’m a Netflix user. And that deal is a slap in my face. It’s also a slap to every indie chain that carried Miramax films over the decades. Harvey Weinstein is a ratass bastard who would kill his puppy for a chance to win a pony. Of course if Harvey pumps out more Doogle flicks, his company might collapse before this deal expires. And judging from the lack of box office sizzle from The Matador, Lucky Number Slevin and Transamerica, Harvey doesn’t have his Miramax touch. Guess Disney kept it as part of the settlement.

    I’m already missing Harvey’s parasite. That parasite knew how to play Gin Rummy.

    TURKEY TIME

    Does anyone care about Thanksgiving as a real holiday? It’s no longer about Pilgrims, Indians and small pox. It’s merely the starting gun for the Christmas holiday. Even Thanksgiving dinner seems like a dress rehearsal for Christmas dinner.

    The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade ends not with Pilgrims, but Santa. Why doesn’t Fox News want to defend Thanksgiving? Have they been bribed by big businesses that want to start Christmas season in July? Why won’t John Gibson ban holiday ads until December? They even have stores that start their Christmas sales on Thanksgiving. A local christmas tree site has a sign saying, “We’ll be open on Thanksgiving!” Stop the madness!

    Take a pledge that this Thanksgiving you will not talk about Christmas. Focus on the one tradition that I remember fondly from a child: watching King Kong and Godzilla movies after a lot of turkey. I do not recommend celebrating Thanksgiving by giving Native Americans a contagious disease. Don’t be guilted in to giving up on the true meaning of Thanksgiving – wearing pilgrim hats and indian headdresses at dinner.

    OPIE SNOOZES

    Was The Da Vinci Code the most boring thriller of the year? I didn’t read the book, but I watched way too many History Channel specials that dealt with parts of the book. Those shows were much more entertaining than what Opie and Tom Hanks cranked out. And why is it that no one can make an entertaining American film with Jean Reno? Godzilla and Pink Panther and now this….. Reno must have Michael Caine’s old manager.

    Although watching Code has inspired me for a horror flick idea. What if vampires came after the “Holy Grail” woman? Imagine Dogma meets Dracula. The vampire wants to suck her blood because he swears it’ll allow him to remain immortal and have a soul. Or maybe after he drinks her blood, he wants to kill himself, sneak into heaven and suck souls at will? Angels vs. Vampires! This idea is cinematic gold. The US Mint will print money just for this blockbuster.

    FIVE MINUTES FOR FIGHTING

    The opening credit montage for Casino Royale sucks. Maurice Bender’s maggots could have come up with a more seductive piece. And the theme song stunk. And what the hell was up with people playing Texas Hold ’em instead of bacarrat? But amazingly enough this was the best Bond script since On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.

    What about Daniel Craig as Bond? He looks more like a hockey goon than a international super spy. But it works for the film. He’s a killing machine. When he turns on the suave, it’s just not quite there. Which was the point of the film. Once I thought to myself that he’s really 008, his performance improved.

    MY NEW NETWORK SHOW

    There’s nothing like success to spawn mid-season replacements. For those of you who are fans of Ugly Betty, I’m proud to announce my new reality sit-drama Creepy Joe. The plot is pretty simple; when girls get tossed off America’s Next Top Model, they arrive at my photography studio for a chance to get on the cover of Honda Honey Monthly.

    “Someday you’re going to have to do things that disgust you in order to further your career. Well the line starts at my tongue!” will be used in the promos. See you on Thursdays on Dumont!

    SISSY FIGHTS!

    Watching the bitch fight between Mark Cuban and Donald Trump is hilarious. Talk about two dorks who could both get their asses handed to them by Omar Little. I’ve semi-encountered both of them. I forced Trump to shake my hand during a party in Manhattan. And I’ve swapped email with Cuban. I offered Cuban my services as his designated ref abuser. Who do I favor in their verbal knife fight? More blood the better.

    Both guys have haircuts that pro wrestlers would refuse. Both guys need to supplement their diets with big mugs of “Shut the Hell Up” cod liver oil and mustard sauce. Trump’s Atlantic Casinos suck. Cuban’s Mavericks suck. So they’re pretty much even. Best is watching Trump attack Cuban’s TV show. As if anyone cares about Trump’s show. Do we really want to see people being humiliated for a one year contract gig? If you want that sort of crap, live the dream at IBM. Trump’s show is on the chopping block. It’s no Dancing with the Stars.

    What’s hideous is when Trump goes on his resume spiel as he mentions every project he’s doing. He drones. And what’s up with him putting his name on a vodka when he refuses to drink the stuff. I on the other hand love to suck down a couple quarts of Party Favors Rye and Pickle Juice when I’m ready to party with the big boys. Cuban also has to mention all of his lame projects as if we f’n care.

    The sad thought is that of these two guys, I envy neither of them. Trump’s gaudy opulence is disgusting. Cuban’s frat boy persona annoys me. And their macho posturing reminds me of Paul Lynde vs. Liberace. I do hope if Trump and Cuban mix it up, they don’t mess up their hair.

    SPOOKY LOVE

    Did I forget to give weird raves about the Elvira Movie Macabre series that Shout! Factory put out in time for Halloween? After watching the films, I wish they’d just put out Elvira’s segments and skip the films. I’m not sure where they dug up these prints, but they look like they’re been run through a sander instead of a projector. But it’s a small price to pay to get a nice look at Elvira in her prime. That woman knew how to flaunt a dagger.

    BYE BOB

    Happy retirement wishes goes out to Bob Barker with his upcoming retirement from The Price Is Right. Bob is the greatest guy in showbiz. He did the intro for my piece on IFC’s Split Screen about the Student Academy Award winning Man and Dog documentary. Bob was so moved by the film about a rural animal control officer that has to gas puppies that he gave an on camera testimonial from the set of The Price Is Right without any compensation. He even paid to FedEx the tape to us. We did send him a few t-shirts to wear when he jogs with his dogs.

    And Bob is an entertainment superstar. Do you think Adam Sandler would have been a movie star if Bob hadn’t fought him in Happy Gilmore? Sandler would have David Spade”s career if Bob hadn’t belted him on the green. Bob is a kingmaker.

    Bob is a prince of a man. And he knows that my living room is always open to him, even if he isn’t on TV at 11 a.m. weekdays.

    LIKE A SPORTS MACHINE

    It’s sad to hear that George Michael’s Sports Machine is going off the air in March after 23 years when George retires. When I didn’t have cable, this was the best way to catch decent highlight footage on a Sunday night. George did a better job than most of the blathering dorks that dominate ESPN. George, you’ll be missed.

  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 11/20/2006

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

    ————————————————

    • Whit Haydn performs “The Ambitious Card” trick. (Thingamabob)
    • I so dearly wish this cereal existed… (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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  • Contest: “Code Monkey” Remix

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    codemonkey-04.jpgFrustrated software designers, angry DJs, glue-addled loop kids: now is your chance to shine. This is the “Code Monkey” remix contest, in which you are all invited to use the source tracks from Jonathan Coulton‘s internet hit Code Monkey (download the original HERE) to create something new and awesome. “Code Monkey,” as you well know, was song #29 in the astounding 52-song smorgasbord that was Thing a Week. As you are also no doubt aware, volumes three and four of this collection will be out on CD, right about the time this contest ends, just in time for Christmas. This is not a coincidence.

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    First, let’s just be legal about everything. All of Jonathan Coulton’s music is released under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license, so anyone in the world is entitled to use pieces of it in a new work provided they 1) do not profit from it, 2) credit Jonathan Coulton, and 3) release the new work under the same Creative Commons license (for more about Creative Commons, check out CreativeCommons.org). All entries in this contest will automatically have this license, so when you’re choosing other source material, please don’t use anything you don’t own or aren’t allowed to use under this license.

    Other than that, whatever you like. Maybe a nice jazzy thing in 5/4, or perhaps a huge orchestral soundscape that you can dance to. Where does Code Monkey lead you?

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    Below is a zipfile containing all the tracks from the original recording, for the most part without effects (don’t judge). The tempo is 160, and all the loops should lock to a grid quite nicely. There is plenty of great stuff that you can use in your remix over at ccMixter, a huge database of Creative Commons licensed loops, beats and vocals (just make sure their CC license is compatible with the Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike license). Lots of music software like Soundtrack, GarageBand, Acid, Ableton Live, come with royalty-free loops that you can use. And of course you can always add stuff that you record. Bagpipes, anyone? Please?

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    We have traveled the world in search of the people most qualified to judge your entries, or at least we have gone through our rolodexes and called in some favors. Either way, here are the people who will be listening to the remixes and picking the winners (more judges will be added to the list as we go along, including a “mystery judge” whose very presence is even more mysterious than that of your average mystery person).

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    The very best of the best will receive the first ever box set of Jonathan Coulton’s Thing a Week project, 52 songs written and recorded weekly over one year on 4 CDs, all in some kind of fancy case. These box sets will be numbered and signed, and the winner will receive #1. We’ll also be choosing 4 runners up, who will get #2-#5. These will be worth a lot of money someday, and you will all be rich. That’s a promise.

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    Submit your remix at any time, but we’ll stop accepting entries at MIDNIGHT on Friday, December 8th. Please send your entries in MP3 format (at least 128k) to:

    …with “Code Monkey Remix” in the subject line (BE SURE TO ATTACH YOUR REMIXED VERSION OF CODE MONKEY). If you have file hosting ability, you can send in a link (or use a file service like YouSendIt or Rapidshare). Be sure your entry includes your mailing address, so we know where to send your prize if you’re amongst the lucky winners. Speaking of which, the winners will be announced on Friday, December 16th.

    Good luck and get mixing!

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  • Nocturnal Admissions: Movie Review, Casino Royale

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    “The scent and smoke and sweat of a casino are nauseating at three in the morning.”

    That’s the very first sentence of the very first James Bond novel. And it is all there, the glorious tone and setting and sense of worldliness. The decadence, the sophistication, the world weariness, the feeling of being on the brink of something dramatic or drastic, something of global importance. What’s been wrong with the Bond films, since about 1971 or so, with Diamonds are Forever, or perhaps earlier, is that they dropped whatever darkness the movies retained for comedy and wisecracks.
    Bond posterCasino Royale was published in 1953, and was quickly adapted into a TV show called Climax Mystery Theater in 1954 with Barry Nelson as an unlikely Bond, at least as we now know him. But after that, the annual Bond novel flourished only in England, not unlike the Patrick O’Brien seafaring novels, until someone reviewed them with such enthusiasm that suddenly 17 O’Brien books appeared in trade paperback virtually simultaneously. In the case of Bond, as is now famously known, JFK mentioned to a Life reporter that the Bond books were among his favorite reading matter, and if indeed he really read them and didn’t have a press secretary make something up on his behalf, it is clear to see why Kennedy might like the books. They mirrored his real life: saving the world, bedding the planet’s best looking chicks. Once the books started to become movies it was clear to see why they might appeal to the masses, especially a society that had grown easily airborne to exotic locations, and a reborn movie going public that was enjoying more freedom, fueled by the Pill, the Playboy philosophy, and the collapse of the movie Production Code.

    The Bond world became so intoxicating that eventually directors from Spielberg to Tarantino expressed interest at one time or another, mostly out of sorrow than excitement, since the franchise preferred amiably competent hacks such as Guy Hamilton and Terence Young. Only recently have directors with more personality, such as Michael Apted, been ushered into the realm, but even then they still conformed to what ever still the decade demanded from them. In addition, eventually there was a lot of competition for the Bond market then there used to be. From Die Hard to Indiana Jones to Jason Stratham movies to Mission Impossible, to the Asian action films, diverse filmmakers smuggled a little of the glory of Bond into their films while exceeding them in excitement and gravitas. In fact, the new Casino Royale appears to be an awful lot like MI3, even down to the girlfriend-enacted defibrillation. It’s a sign that the Bond films have flipped places with other franchises such as Mission Impossible. Casino is an attempt to reconfigure the Bond films in the direction of the competitors. The typical Bond film will no longer be outlandish, wiseacre-filled comedies of world domination. They will harder, darker, character driven, with state of the art stunts.

    Bond bathroom

    Whenever there is a new Bond film key questions arise. One, is the theme song any good? Two, how are the credits? Three, how hot are the Bond girls? Four, what new toys does Q give Bond? Five, how is the villain? Six, when and how does he say, “Shaken, not stirred,” and “Bond. James Bond”? Creating anticipation for the answers to questions was a terrific marketing strategy, but so often without sufficient follow through, leading to post-cinemal disappointment.

    And the big question comes whenever there is a new Bond, which has happened five times now since Connery. Does the new guy match up to Sean? (And yes, Virginia, someday, in 2046, there will be a female Bond.) Does he evince the blend of wit and sheer animal magnetism that we want out of a Bond? Connery is the template, sophisticated and lethal, and even resembling the book’s Bond, whom Fleming said he imagined looking like Hoagy Carmichael. Australian car salesman George Lazenby looked the part, but couldn’t deliver lines with conviction. Roger Moore was of the David Nivin school, vacuous and suave, the kind of British film figure who sniffs his nose at a poorly creased pant leg and is angered by improprieties toward women because they bespeak less then impeccable manners. Brosnan was in the Moore mode, and for three films Timothy Dalton was the last attempt to create a “darker” Bond. Unfortunately he had all the vices of Lazenby with few of the virtues of Connery.

    Bond torso

    First things first, Daniel Craig is a great Bond. He is handsome in a damaged boxer sort of way, can be suave when he needs to, but has lower class roots that give this Bond an edge of anger. He is a different Bond, a colder, harder Bond who is eventually shaken and stirred.

    Bond shooting

    With Casino Royale, the hard drive has been erased. The series has begun again, as if the previous 20 films (or 22) (or 23) didn’t exist. The film has elements of an origin story without dwelling on it too much. There is little effort toward the Bondian witticism. There is an attempt at some repartee on the Chunnel train, but it is so far below the quality of Hitchcock’s NXNW that right now I can’t remember a single line of it. Craig isn’t built to banter. Rather, he is built to tear fire hydrants off curbs. He’s got the shoulders of a Transformer, with a tiny mashed potato of a head. He’s not so much Bond as the Terminator. He runs like Robert Patrick in Term 2, like a speeding bullet. At one point, when Bond is standing bruised and cut in front of a mirror, you half expect him to peel back his eye, like Schwarzenegger in the first Terminator.

    Bond villain

    And speaking of eyes, the villain this time is someone named Mads Mikkelsen, who played Tristan in King Arthur in a film with another Bond candidate, Clive Owen. His Le Chiffre has an eye that weeps blood, an unexplained physical phenomenon. He’s good looking enough to play Bond himself, so he makes a good match for Craig’s more battered Bond. He is a fine villain who has higher constraints on himself that give him plausible, anguished motivation. His blood seeping eye evokes the classic opening of each Bond film up until now, perhaps another symbol of “rebirth.”.

    The Bond girls this time around are gorgeous model types, if slightly more serious and fully fleshed out (without showing much flesh). Eva Green provides a tad bit of eye candy with her Herculean cleavage,

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    Frankly, the plot is a tad hard to follow, but that is the lot of most action movies, since the important plot stuff is muttered as people are walking hurriedly from one spot to another in the boring scenes between fights and explosions. And there are some terrific stunts. The first 15 minutes or so is one long, exhausting chase scene through an Ugandan work site. And how do you make a Texas Hold-’em game interesting? Interrupt it occasionally with more exciting things, such as a a poisoning or a terrific staircase fight, with Bond and foes virtually chasing Green down the steps.

    Bond M

    Casino Royale has a great beginning and a great punchline of an end, but parts of the middle are so-so. Giancarlo Giannini pops up as a aide to Bond in Montenegro, where the casino has been relocated. He begins by being the Bondian equivalent of John Madden, offering color commentary on the poker game that is supposed to be the center of the movie, as it was in the book (where the game was the more exotic baccarat), saying such exciting things as, “My god, James was right.”

    And what would a contemporary film be without a torture scene? Fortunately, Fleming’s source book provides a nifty one, which Bond seems to endure with Stallonian resilience. This part of the film follows the novel closely, and it is well to do so, given the layers of motivation and morality it compresses.

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    For the rest, there is no Q and thus not much in the way of gadgets, excellent credits, an unmemorable but not annoying song by Chris Cornell, a clever way of introducing the bloody eyeball opening. And Craig does say, “Bond. James Bond,” and orders a martini, but you’ll be surprised at the results.

  • Scrubs Blog: Writers’ Blog 2006 #2

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    Hello Scrubs fans and internet folk who accidentally mistyped “Waiters’ blog.”

    For the past few months, we (Dave Tennant and Andy Schwartz) have been working as lowly staff writers on Scrubs, and as of today (November 15th, 2006), nine episodes have been shot and we’re currently working on number ten.

    Make sure to tune in starting Thursday, November 30th – and, since we’re up against Grey’s Anatomy and CSI, also make sure to tell one hundred and twenty of your closest friends.

    And now, for all those hardcore fans who might say: “Zach Braff?! Donald Faison?! Who cares?! I want to see me some hot photos of staff writers and their occupational digs!” Here are a few totally candid shots of us at work:

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    And here are some photos of the most important, time consuming, and necessary part of our job.

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    -Dave Tennant & Andy Schwartz
    Writers

    ##

  • Review: Showin’ Some LOVE In Vegas

    -by David J. Lieto (aka The Squeeg)
    love2006-11-17-01.jpg(Las Vegas, NV)   When you think of Vegas – or at least when I think of Vegas – “shows” aren’t at the top of the list.  Those kinds of things are more suited to Mrs Squeeg’s liking.  Of course, I’d go to the shows with her (often times enjoying them more than I anticipated) but, in general, I rarely leave the poker pits.  That is, until I heard about this new show at the Mirage.

    See, the most  recent offering by Cirque du Soleil is “new” in more ways than one.  Sure, there’s still fantastic acrobatics, great choreography, and stunning costumes, etc.  But LOVE adds an element which makes this production unique — the music of the Beatles.   Sir George Martin (Producer of nearly all the Beatles albums) and his son, Giles, spent two years assembling the music for LOVE.

    “One of the challenges of the job was getting the balance of the songs right.” Sir George  adds, “We wanted to make sure there are enough good, solid hit songs  in the show, but we don’t want it to be a catalog of ‘best of’s.’” The Running Order includes songs as well known as “Help!” and “Lucy in the Sky with  Diamonds” to “Because” and “A Day in the Life.”  The addition of surround sound amplifies  the richness of the music in an intimate and unforgettable way.

    As blasphemous as this may sound, you really don’t have to be a Beatles fan to enjoy the show.  Several different forms of dance are represented.  Inline skaters jump 11-ft tall ramps – jumping, twisting, and flipping.  Then there is the acrobatics involving the teeters and trampolines.  Mix this with the lighting, theme-relevant projections, and the props and you’ve got a real feast for the eyes.

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    Everything happens at the center of 2,013 seats surrounding the stage in a 360-degree configuration.  Of course, those of you who know Cirque du Soleil know the stage is only one of the planes the action takes place on.  From the moment the lights go dark the audience is pulled into the action as characters climb up from the partially sunken stage.  love2006-11-17-03.jpgThen, there is a burst of music and light.  Costumed characters enter from runways or swoop in from above.  Later in the show there are comedic interludes and a rather unique bit of audience participation.

    Personally, “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” is my favorite segment of the show.  Here a tethered “Lucy” swoops down from above to tantalize the “Fireman” character.  What really grabbed my attention were the lights that streamed upward during the chorus as “Lucy” is yanked toward the Heavens.

    As for Mrs. Squeeg, she really enjoyed the “Hey Jude” number with red poppy petals swirling first from the performers umbrellas then raining down  from above.   She is really my barometer as far as shows are concerned.  If she’s tapping her feet or mouthing the words to the songs, then I know it’s a good show.  After confirming her reaction to the show, I was pleasantly surprised  to find myself having the same reactions – and let me tell ya, being paralyzed and all, tapping my feet isn’t easy!

    This is a great show.  Go see it.

    Cirque du Soleil has, yet again, set a new standard for Vegas shows.

    ##

  • Weekend Shopping Guide 11/17/06: Black Books

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    The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

    It’s been a long wait, but I’m thrilled that the second season of Black Books (BBC, Not Rated, $24.98 SRP) is finally hitting the US. Giddy, in fact, since it’s one of the finest comedies – British or American – ever produced. Created, co-written by, and starring Shaun of the Dead co-star Dylan Moran, it centers around the twisted world of customer-hating bookshop owner Bernard Black, a man fond of drink, swearing, antipathy, anger, but definitely not customers… Imagine if Basil Fawlty’s antisocial tendencies were given full reign and a bottle of vodka. Paired with Black is new-hire Manny (Bill Bailey), a good-natured man clearly out of his element and an easy target for Bernard’s ire and ridicule – which is only mitigated somewhat by the presence of daffy friend Fran (Tamsin Greig). Crikey, how I love this series. The complete second series features all 6 episodes, plus commentaries and outtakes. Here’s hoping they hurry up and release the already-available-in-the-UK third series post-haste.

    3rd Rock From The Sun was one of those shows that, despite a decent run, was cancelled before the steam had run out of the series. In some ways, I suppose I should be thankful that I was spared the often sad decline of many a once funny sitcom, but after watching the 20 episodes comprising the 6th and final season (Anchor Bay, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP), I found myself wanting more of the Solomon family’s tenure on Earth. The final 4-disc set features the alternate ending to the finale (the one that was shot in case the show somehow got a seventh season), introductions to the alternate ending, and a retrospective featurette.

    It’s one thing to lovingly restore “classics” like Citizen Kane or Casablanca, but I really get excited when a seminal piece of science fiction cinema gets treated with equal respect, as Warners has done with Forbidden Planet (Warner Bros., Rated G, DVD-$26.98 SRP). The print is positively pristine, for one thing – it probably didn’t even look this speaking in theaters, and it certainly didn’t feature the 5.1 mix found here. A beautiful presentation of the film would be enough, but the 2-disc special edition also features deleted scenes, a complete follow-up vehicles starring the iconic Robby the Robot (The Invisible Boy & an episode of The Thin Man TV series), a trio of documentaries, an excerpt from the MGM Parade TV series, and trailers. If only Universal had given half this level of attention to This Island Earth, I’d be a happy man.

    The real highlight of the second volumes of both DuckTales and Chip ‘n’ Dale’s Rescue Rangers (Walt Disney, Not Rated, DVD-$34.99 SRP) – besides the fact that they’ve come out at all – is that Disney managed to listen to the fan outcry over their lunk-headed negligence in including both series’ 5-part pilot storylines in their respective Volume 1 sets. Unlike the excellent TV animation sets coming out of BCI, Disney still doesn’t even take the time to put a single bonus feature on these discs, which is a damn shame considering what seminal shows these were.

    “Gummi Bears – Bouncing here and there and everywhere…” If you’re of a certain ages, chances are you know every one of the lines that follow… and are probably singing them right now. There once was a time when Disney crafted some remarkable TV animation that could be enjoyed by all ages, and it all started with Gummi Bears (Walt Disney, Not Rated, DVD-$34.99 SRP). You can now own the first three seasons, but as with all Disney TV animation releases, there are absolutely zero bonus features. Disney – ring up BCI. They know how to do it right.

    In what has turned into an incredibly supermonth, not only do we get the fifth and sixth seasons set of George Reeves’s Adventures of Superman (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP) – wrapping up the show’s run – but we also get the fourth and final season of Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP). The Reeves set features a featurette on Jack Larson (Jimmy Olsen), while Lois & Clark features an interactive Superman timeline hosted by Dean Cain.

    Although initially put off by The Fellowship of the Ring, I was eventually won over by Peter Jackson’s epic, almost-Wagnerianly operatic filmmaking, with its immense running time and larger-than-life cinematic bombast. I had high hopes for Peter Jackson’s King Kong, hoping that its over 3-hour running time would fly by with the energy, exuberance, and obvious love for the original that Jackson has professed over the years. Unfortunately, that was not the case – instead, I found Jackson’s Kong to be overly long and self-indulgent, plodding along from effect to effect, with leaden drama (and the worst case of Stockholm Syndrome ever). It was surprising, then, to learn that an even longer extended cut would be coming down the pike (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$34.98 SRP), adding 13 minutes of what mainly amounts to even more time on Skull Island. Despite my disappointment with the film, I will say that no one puts together bonus features as well as Jackson & company, and this 3-disc set is no exception. In addition to a wonderful commentary with Jackson and co-writer/producer Philippa Boyens (it’s more enjoyable than the film, for me), an additional 38 minutes of deleted scenes, a short film made by the cast, outtakes, brand-new making-of featurettes, a spotlight on the creation of Skull Island, video conceptual art galleries, both the 1996 and 2005 scripts (Jackson had been wanting to make Kong for years), and more. Even if you’re no fan of PJ’s giant ape, this is a nice set with some very spiffy behind-the-scenes materials.

    Johnny Cash’s concert behind the prison walls of San Quentin on February 24th, 1969 is the stuff of legend second only to his gig at Folsom, and for the first time since that performance, the 3-disc special edition of Johnny Cash At San Quentin (Sony Legacy, $39.98 SRP) features 31 tracks, most of which were previously unreleased, in addition to a DVD featuring the original Granada TV documentary of the concert.

    Peter Bracke’s Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History of Friday The 13th (Titan Books, $39.95 SRP) is a comprehensive volume chronicling the history of the seminal slasher franchise, from Jason’s very first musical sting stalking of horny teenagers in an isolated summer camp to the latest efforts to revive the hockey-masked terror. For any fan of the series, it’s a must-have tome.

    As environmental consciousness has been moving increasingly towards the mainstream in recent months, we’ll probably be seeing more films like Chris Paine’s Who Killed The Electric Car? (Sony, Rated PG, DVD-$26.96 SRP), which tries to uncover what exactly happened to GM’s once-promising line of electric vehicles that made a splashy debut in the mid-90’s only to me mysteriously recalled a short time later. Was it business? Was it politics? Was it something far more insidious? Bonus features include deleted scenes, a behind-the-scenes featurette, and a music video.

    There’s been quite a few concert DVDs from Paul McCartney in recent years, but I think my favorite is the just-released Paul McCartney: The Space Within (A&E, Not Rated, DVD-$24.95 SRP). Maybe that’s because it’s in support of an album I really dug (Chaos & Creation In The Backyard), and it’s always a thrill to hear what good voice the 64-year-old former Beatle is in. The disc features interviews with Macca and the band, plus sound checks, the US Tour pre-show film, and a behind-the-scenes tour featurette.

    Marlo Thomas is back in the complete second season of That Girl (Shout! Factory, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP), as Ann Marie’s career begins to take off (with commercials, magazine covers, and a Broadway show opposite Ethel Merman) and her relationship with Donald (Ted Bessell) becomes strong… But not so strong that the fiercely independent Ann Marie is ready to sideline her burgeoning career for marriage. The 4-disc set features all 30 episodes, plus audio commentaries, a featurette, and a never-before seen 1965 pilot for “Two’s Company” (starring Thomas).

    Crikey, has it really been almost a decade since The Green Mile (Warner Bros., Rated R, DVD-$20.98 SRP) was released? Due to its massive length, the original DVD release was practically featureless – which is a shame, because it was one of the best adaptations of Stephen King’s work, and featured a clutch of amazing performances. Well, all is rectified with a new 2-disc special edition, featuring an audio commentary with writer/director Frank Darabont, a making-of documentary, Tom Hanks makeup texts, Michael Clarke Duncan’s screen test, a 6-part documentary gallery, a spotlight on the teaser trailer, and the theatrical trailers.

    Alex Borstein is best known for her characters MADtv‘s “Ms. Swan” and Family Guy‘s “Lois Griffin”, but in Alex Borstein Is Drop Dead Gorgeous In a Down-to-Earth Bombshell Sort of Way (Fox, Not Rated, DVD-$19.98 SRP), she sets out to answer the question “What the hell happened to all the cool chicks on TV and in the movies?” in a live stage show that explores why the Mary Tyler Moore’s of the TV world have been replaced with the likes of Paris Hilton (What the f*** happened?) . In this hilarious show, Alex moves seamlessly and conversationally through stories, characterizations, impressions and yes, even a bit of song. From Scooby Doo’s Velma to Renee Zelwegger to Tina Turner, no one is safe from her keen eye and often bizarre take on the world. The disc also features a trip behind-the-scenes of Family Guy.

    When it first premiered, I was immediately hooked on Little Britain, which played like the bastard child of The League of Gentlemen and Benny Hill. Unfortunately, by the time the third series rolled around (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP), creators Matt Lucas and David Walliams had become over-reliant on recurring one-note characters, cheap laughs, and catch phrases. Unlike The League of Gentlemen, which radically rejiggered its formula for each consecutive season while still retaining the comedic essence, Little Britain wound down with a tired thud – which is unfortunate, because Lucas & Walliams are appealing performers. I hope they can reinvent and reinvigorate themselves in the near future. The 2-disc set features highlights from the BBC’s Little Britain night, audio commentaries on all the episodes, deleted scenes, a Richard & Judy interview with Matt & David, a Heresy radio episode, and David on Top Gear.

    While not the seasonal sets most fans were hoping for, there’s no mistaking that – much like their Sgt. Bilko set earlier this year – Paramount has attempted to put together a rather nice package for their 3-disc Gunsmoke: The Directors Collection (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$36.99 SRP). In addition to the 15 remastered episodes (directed by the likes of Arthur Hiller, Robert Stevenson, Dennis Weaver, Peter Graves, William Conrad, and Victor French), there’s also audio commentaries from a selection of the directors in question, an Amanda Blake interview from The Mike Douglas Show, CBS radio broadcasts, a soundtrack scoring session, and more.

    Babylon By Bus (Penguin Press, $24.95 SRP) is one of those stories that is just unbelievable enough to be absolutely – and amazingly – true. Bus‘s true story focuses on a pair of Boston schlubs named Jeff Neumann & Ray Lemoine who, on the spur of the moment, decide that high adventure is the order of the day, and its to be found in post-liberation Iraq. Arriving shortly after the fall of Baghdad when reconstruction was still a seemingly workable thing, they found an often lawless, surreal ball of confusion torn between the American military presence, the citizens of Iraq, the insurgents, and the increasingly unstable relationship amongst them all. Their memoir (written with Donovan Webster) is at times funny, at times disturbing portrait of the region from a pair of modern, everyday observers who find themselves caught in the mess.

    After five years and dozens of leaps, Dr. Sam Beckett faced hi final batch of televised adventures in the final season of Quantum Leap (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP). The show had its ups and downs, but the ending is a sucker punch that I still feel, all these years later, that ranks right up there with the brutal slap across the face that wrapped up The Wonder Years. Sadly, there’s not a single bonus feature in sight, but at least another TV series has managed to eke out its full run on DVD.

    As I eagerly await this year’s Doctor Who Christmas special, I can bide my time with another pair of classic adventures on DVD – The Mark of Rani (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$24.98 SRP) from the Colin Baker years, and Tom Baker’s Doctor in The Hand of Fear (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$24.98 SRP). Bonus features include audio commentaries, behind-the-scenes documentaries, continuity announcements, vintage featurettes & interviews, and more.

    Jumping on the bandwagon begun by companies like Warner and Fox, Universal has begun to mine their incredible film archives and issue some very nice collections of more obscure catalogue titles grouped under a given film icon. Their latest in what they’ve labeled the Screen Legend Collection (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP each) spotlight 5 films apiece from Bing Crosby (Waikiki Wedding, Double or Nothing, East Side of Heaven, If I Had My Way, Here Comes The Waves, Cary Grant (Thirty Day Princess, Kiss and Make Up, Wings In The Dark, Big Brown Eyes, Wedding Present), and Rock Hudson (Has Anybody Seen My Gal, A Very Special Favor, The Golden Blade, The Last Sunset, The Spiral Road) in 3-disc sets.

    I think I’m falling out of love with Family Guy. I used to be a big fan, and would laugh at its often absurd left-field stream-of-consciousness writing style, but with the episodes featured in the fourth volume (Fox, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP), I’ve become weary of the often senseless storytelling and paper-thin characters. It reminds me of a bad season of SNL, when the writers throw anything at the screen – overused catchphrases, included – and hope that something sticks. It’s just lazy, and it’s unfortunate – because I did like the show. A lot. Come back to me, Family Guy. The 3-disc set features audio commentaries on all 14 episodes, deleted scenes, featurettes, an optional censored audio track on 5 episodes, and multi-angle scene studies.

    I still, for the life of me, can’t understand the appeal of The Da Vinci Code (Sony, Rated PG-13, DVD-$29.96 SRP). It’s a turgid, uninvolving, hack-pulp novel that seemed to have latched onto airport-zeitgeist and made a multi-millionaire out of its author, Dan Brown, and stirred biblical controversies that leave me completely uninterested. The same can be said of Ron Howard’s equally turgid adaptation, starring a shaggy Tom Hanks as symbologist Robert Langdon, hot on the trail of something or another having to do with a church conspiracy to cover up the concept that Jesus knocked up Mary Magdalane. Okey dokey. The 2-disc special edition features behind-the scenes featurettes, a first-day diary with Ron Howard, and conversations with Hanks and Brown, and more.

    Like most shows that take the awkward plunge into the abyss of romantic tension dispersment by hooking up their opposites attract couple, by the 5th season of Northern Exposure (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP), Dr. Joel Fleischman (Rob Morrow) and Maggie (Janine Turner) were a seemingly permanent fixture around Cicely, Alaska – with all of the dramatic confusion that usually entails. Of course, this also turned out to be the penultimate season, and by the following year, Morrow (and Fleischman) would leave the show mid-season, and things would limp to an awkward close for the eccentrics of Cicely. The 5-disc set features all 24 episodes, plus almost 40 minutes of deleted scenes.

    Dig into the sitcom stacks this weekend with the complete sixth season of The Golden Girls and the fifth season of Home Improvement (Buena Vista, Not Rated, DVD-$39.99 SRP each). Golden Girls features conversations with the cast from the Museum of Television & Radio, while Home Improvement sports a blooper reel.

    While not up to the level of a college classic like Animal House, Accepted (Universal, Rated PG-13, DVD-$29.98 SRP) is an affable comedy that – while no work of genius – is genuinely enjoyable if taken as a throw-away laugher. When a schlubby high school student gets turned down by every college on his list, he decides to do what any aspiring academic would – start his own school. The South Harmon Institute of Technology is a bizarro reflection of college life, with the students in charge. Bonus features include a making-of featurette, deleted scenes, and a gag reel.

    Yeah, yeah, yeah – the second season of NCIS (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$64.99 SRP) still features the same kind of pulse-pounding anti-espionage, anti-terrorism stories, but the real reason for watching the show is to support the continued career of Mark Harmon. I do it for the man who gave us Summer School. The 6-disc set features a quartet of featurettes (“Investigating Season 2,” “What’s New In Season 2,” “The Real NCIS,” and “Lab Tour with Pauley Perrette”).

    Anyone expecting a frothy romantic comedy out of The Break-Up (Universal, Rated PG-13, DVD-$29.98 SRP) will be in for quite a shock, as the bubbly laugh-fest of the trailers is actually a rather dramatic tale of a disintegrating relationship – that of Gary & Brooke (Vince Vaughn & Jennifer Aniston) whose break-up eventually manifests itself as a bitter struggle for their shared apartment. Think of it as a take off on The War of the Roses, but without the humor. Bonus materials include an alternate ending, deleted scenes, audio commentaries, and more.

    As train wreck television goes, the second seasons of Flavor Flav’s search for a mate, Flavor of Love (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$38.99 SRP) has got to be near the top of the list. When one of your prospective paramours has to be excused to use the bathroom, you know you’re on a roll. The 3-disc set features all 11 uncensored episodes, plus bonus scenes and interviews, plus a bevy of behind-the-scenes featurettes.

    So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

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  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 11/17/2006

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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    • Sucks Less, episode 4. Go. You watch now. (Thingamabob)
    • Legendary Disney animator Ward Kimball – on a game show. (Thingamabob)
    • Kaspar Huaser Comedy Podcast – solving the problem of white literacy, one joke at a time… (Thingamabob)
    • Treadmill stupidity – Darwin would be proud… (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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  • The Fred Hembeck Show: Episode 81 – Best Episode Ever!

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    A couple of weeks back, I got an excited call from Ken Plume. Ken, y’see, is the fellow who is – among his many other duties here at Quick Stop – responsible for overseeing The Fred Hembeck Show (as well as keeping my daughter supplied with Billy Joel mp3s…). And beyond that, it seems he also conducts in-depth interviews – a truly multi-faceted individual!

    Well, the news he had for me that evening concerned just WHO he had been happily chatting over the phone lines earlier that week – none other than Tom Kenny!

    While Tom Kenny may not be a household name in YOUR household, he sure is in mine! Tom, in case you didn’t know, is the voice of SpongeBob SquarePants, and people, THAT’S a name I KNOW you’re all familiar with!

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    But Ken wasn’t just alerting me to his latest celebrity conversation because he knew me to be a major SpongeBob fan. Oh no – he was calling to report that, besides delving into the making of the recently released SpongeBob CD, The Best Day Ever, he and Tom had even spent a few minutes discussing (of all things) ME!

    Wow!

    The thing is, though, I sorta figured maybe my name just came up briefly, y’know, as the call wound down? I never actually expected it to turn up in the published piece! But last week, when Ken finally posted the interview on-line at Quick Stop (you can read it by going here), much to my surprise, there I am, all over the fourth page of the discussion!

    Allow me to reprise a few pertinent excerpts of what the oh-so-kind Mr. Kenny had to say about yers truly…

    Even as a kid, a younger teenager, I always liked his Dateline @#$% and stuff that he did. I love that stuff. I thought it was so great. Then when The SpongeBob Movie came out and they put out the soundtrack, they needed a couple extra filler tracks and Andy and I had just begun work on what would become the Best Day Ever album, but Hillenburg heard our songs, they needed a couple of songs to pad out the soundtrack album, and he said how about “Best Day Ever” and Patrick’s “Under My Rock.” So they kind of cherry picked those songs and put them on the movie soundtrack. And then “Best Day Ever” wound up on the closing credits of The SpongeBob Movie. Which was never intended. They were kind of works-in-progress at the time, but they just needed filler for the soundtrack album. Hembeck, on his column – and somebody steered me to it – just raved about those two songs. Just said, “Wow, these are great,” and he’s a Beach Boys freak, and he said, “I pulled over the car and I looked at the CD booklet. And I’m like, ‘Who is responsible for these songs? Why is this so perfect?’ And I saw Tom Kenny, the voice of SpongeBob, wrote the songs, and Andy Paley who’s done Brian Wilson’s best post-Beach Boys work,” and it was just amazing to read somebody that connected all the dots in a way that nobody ever had. Nobody at Nickelodeon gave a shit. Nobody at Paramount gave a crap about those two songs, or probably never even listened to them. And Hembeck just got everything and really listened and connected the dots and knew what we were trying to pay homage to.

    He was the first and only person who gave a shit about our two songs on that. Everybody talked about The Flaming Lips and Wilco, and no reviewers even mentioned our songs when they’d review the album and then…

    Then Hembeck did a review that only talked about our songs, and again it was like that Earth-2, Comic-Con universe where it’s like, “Great!” And he was so perceptive about where we were stealing our shit from, that it was great. But so positive.

    I’ve been wanting to call him for two years. I’ve been wanting to e-mail him or write him a letter or something for two years because he was the first person who was enthusiastic about what we were doing. It was one of the things that got our mental ball rolling for, “Wow, maybe it’d be cool to do a whole album of this shit.”

    His review to me means more than USA Today.

    Well, as you could probably imagine, I was totally floored by the above comments! Especially the part where Tom credits MY review of his work on the movie soundtrack CD as at least some small impetus for his latest musical endeavor!

    I know I said it earlier, but I truly believe it bears repeating: Wow!

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    Hey, it may not be quite the same as inspiring the likes of Revolver, Born To Run, Dark Side of the Moon or Get Away From Me, but friends, I’ll gladly take it! (And just as an aside, I must confess that, in the course of their chat, Ken gives me far too much credit in relation to my knowledge of musical minutia. The truth is, beyond the likes of James Burton, Carol Kaye, and Hal Blaine, I really don’t know my sixties era session players by name as the overly-enthusiastic Mr. Plume implied! Sorry – though I CAN name pretty much all of Jack Kirby’s inkers, and that’s gotta count for SOMETHING, right?…)

    Anyway, full review of the new CD to follow (sans the annoying USA Today pie chart, of course…), but first I thought, as a public service to the cyber-shy Tom K, I’d offer up a trio of entries from the back pages of my unorganized “Fred Sez” blog, all dealing with (no surprise here, Einstein) his lemon-hued absorbent alter ego. Another time for the Kirby embellishers, okay?…

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    First up, we hearken way, way back to March 19th, 2003, when I first attempted to explain to a largely disinterested world the origin of my ongoing fixation with the yella fella…

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    It’s a SpongeBob SquarePants world – we all just live in it! You, me, and Jim Starlin alike!

    That’s right – I’ve linked the names of Stephen Hillenburg’s lovable nautical Nick sensation with that of comics legendary leveler of multiverses. Why? Well, it all goes back several years now…

    I’ve mentioned Julie from time to time. My kid. Like any other kid, she watches her share of TV – though being a pretty active one, usually only as a last resort. But when she does plop down in front of the tube, odds are that the dial is switched to Nickelodeon. Over the years, she’s tuned into just about every program they’ve aired, including all the cartoons – CatDog, The Wild Thornberrys, As Told By Ginger, The Angry Beavers, Hey Arnold!, Rocket Power, and, of course, the always popular Rugrats. None of ’em ever did a thing for me. Of course, I generally didn’t sit down and actually watch a full episode all the way through with Julie – y’see, having her attention focused on the tube usually gave me a rare couple of minutes to myself!! Especially when she was younger, she kept me hopping, so I took my breaks when and where I could get them. Usually, I was located nearby, so I HEARD more than my share of the aforementioned animated series, and frankly, I was never felt motivated to investigate any of them much further. I relished my downtime instead. Ah, the peace and the partial quiet…

    Then one day Julie came up to me and said Nickelodeon had a brand new cartoon, one I just HAD to see!! I was skeptical, but just to keep the conversation moving along, I casually asked, only half caring, what the name of this new masterpiece was.

    SpongeBob SquarePants“, she said.

    …? What? WHAT was that? Well, she repeated the name, a name that combined four separate words in a configuration that, given all the time in the world to consider, I NEVER would’ve expected to hear in the same phrase!! Needless, to say, she now had my full attention. I was so stunned by what I’d heard, I initially accused Julie of making it all up (if only…), but once I was assured by a quick glimpse at the program listings in the TV Guide that this SpongeBob SquarePants did indeed exist, it was just a matter of time, waiting for the next scheduled broadcast to begin. My curiosity had been piqued.

    All this time later, I’m not sure what I expected from my first exposure, but I certainly didn’t expect to be so totally entranced, I can guarantee you that!! I do recall that upon seeing the little guy for the first time, I pegged him as a rip-off of one of Robert Crumb’s Snoids, a notion I’ve never been totally able to shake (in fact, there’s an actual episode – the one in which our star vainly attempts to write an essay – that offers a knowing wink at this accusation. Crossing the screen to get a pencil, SnoidBob looks directly at the viewer, smiles, and carries himself to his destination in an exaggerated “Keep On Truckin’” fashion!!)

    Getting past that initial impression, I found myself continuously surprised by what I saw. Frankly, I’d never cared for the other animated Nick fare largely because of the generally unattractive designs utilized for the characters. It limited my enjoyment. But here in Bikini Bottom, all the denizens seemed to posses the fluidity of classic cartoon characters – and the animators weren’t at all shy about putting their malleability to good use in the pursuit of surrealistic silliness!! The stories, over time, came to remind me of the simple, direct sitcoms of my youth: The Honeymooners, I Love Lucy and most especially, the antics of those two classic comedy teams, Laurel & Hardy and Abbott & Costello. A small plot point would quietly unfold, and then slowly be elaborated upon exponentially, the laughs amassing as the situation increases sky high in absurdity!! And all done without the sort of rude or mean-spirited gags all too typical of today’s entertainment! Wow! In this day and age – who’da thought it possible?

    And then there was that voice! Do they dole out Emmys to voice actors?? If they do, Tom Kenny should get a passel! His expressive yet distinctive tones run the gamut of emotions, inducing a smile with each and every one!! As do the talented folks who portray Patrick, Mr. Krab – purveyor of the Krabby Pattie – Sandy, and, omigosh, Squidward!!! Culture lovers, I have to admit it – I was won over, and I was won over big-time!!

    Remember how I said this was a couple of years back? How the show had just hit the airwaves? Well, I felt as if I’d discovered buried treasure, and I wanted to share my find with all my friends and colleagues! Towards that end, I started proselytizing the virtues of SpongeBob at the ongoing volleyball game I gamely participate in. Confronted with the absorbent actor’s jaw-dropping nomenclature, most of my buddies thought I was making up the ridiculous name (and to reiterate my earlier comment, I wish…), so to prove my veracity, I had to go home, tape an episode, put the tape on pause, and quickly whip up a black and white sketch of the squeezable star to bring with me the following week to appease all my doubters!! Whew!! Can you imagine? A time when the image of SpongeBob wasn’t all-pervasive in our culture? When, if you wanted a picture of Senor SquarePants, you had no alternative but to draw it yourself?!? Man, were those ever the dark days…

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    I brought along the picture to our next gathering. Having previously played up this new character as perhaps the greatest breakthrough in animation since Winsor McCay embarked on a traveling show with Gertie the Dinosaur, it didn’t do very much for my credibility. Frankly, the group began to look at me funny. Okay, I mean, even MORE so than usual. I think they thought I was nuts. They’d never heard of this character, and if not for me, I’m sure they figured, they probably never ever would have. So, I just shut up and played the game…

    A little bit of time passes in our tableau. Several of the more adventurous amongst the regulars deign to dial over to Nickelodeon to see what all my fuss was about. The initial results were underwhelming. Consequently, I’m receiving more odd looks than usual. Then, a rift breaks out between factions of cartoon connoisseurs – a friend I really thought might like SpongeBob didn’t. Found it not at all to his tastes, I was made to understand. He instead much preferred the Cartoon Network’s Power Puff Girls, a series I, as it turns out, have never managed to work up very much enthusiasm for. This led to a very peculiar – some might say “pathetic” – sight: two grown men heatedly debating the merits of SpongeBob SquarePants versus the Power Puff Girls!?! Truthfully – are there ANY winners in THAT argument?!?…

    And then, the breakthrough. One fine game day, Jocular Jim Starlin – yes, the man who killed Captain Marvel, re-invented Warlock, and gave the comics world it’s first bald super-heroine, the folically challenged Moondragon – came up to me with a piece of paper he’d clipped out of the latest edition of Newsweek. It was from their Newsmakers page, and it heralded the arrival of a new star, my old friend SpongeBob SquarePants. Jim smiled as he handed it to me, and while I don’t recall exactly what he might’ve said, I’d like to believe this was his way of showing me that he didn’t consider me nearly as crazy as he once might have!! Or if he did, here was legitimate proof that I wasn’t alone in my madness!! It was a moment of great satisfaction, and that little clipping would henceforth spend the next several years taped to the front of our refrigerator, coming down only when time and errant squibs of Tropicana orange juice demanded it’s removal. (…but no, Jim never became an acolyte. I’m gonna argue with the man who decimated Jason Todd?? I may be crazy, but I ain’t NUTS!?!…)

    Now he’s EVERYWHERE!! No, not Starlin – SpongeBob!! And for once, I can proudly say I didn’t follow a trend – fact is, I may well have STARTED it!! Um, well, okay, sure – AFTER Julie told me about it, of course, but heck – she’s got her own section here at the site; if she wants to grab credit, let her do it over there!! Meanwhile, let me pleasantly revel in my prescience. The biggest cartoon sensation since The Simpsons, and I knew it before anybody!! (…Is it time to use the word “pathetic” again?…) All kidding aside, I’m happy for the folks behind the scenes, and both my daughter and I continue to enjoy the undersea antics of the submerged superstar and his friends!! (Which, at this point in her young and potentially rebellious development, is an increasingly rare instance of the two of us digging the same thing! Thank you, SpongeBob, for giving me a welcome conduit to my growing child!!…)

    Y’know, we spent a week at the Jersey shore last summer, and up and down the boardwalk, all one could see hanging from the multitude of gaming booths was a veritable sea of stuffed SpongeBobs, with a few Spider-Mans thrown in mostly to break up the monotony! (…Didn’t spy any Power Puff Girls merchandise, I might well point out! Hah!…) In addition to all the toys, band-aids, party goods, and even food bearing our boy’s likeness, word is, the hottest new variation on America’s most popular doll is the SpongeBob SquarePants Barbie!! (No, she’s not square and absorbent, merely wearing a dress festooned with the yellow fellow’s image, accompanied by her very own SpongeBob throw toy!! Can a Squidward Ken be all that far off?…)

    And howabout the show-stopping guest-shot Mr. Pants made on last weeks “X-Presidents” entry over at Saturday Night Live?? For those who missed it, X-president Reagan proposed the manufacture of propaganda cartoons not unlike the anti-Japanese ones Bugs Bunny starred in back during WWII to help sway positive public opinion towards engaging Iraq in armed conflict. To that end, he brings out Spongy – voiced and most likely animated by all his regular crew – who, true to character, balks at his new role, protesting that their depiction of Arabs is, well, racist! (It was. That was part of the joke…) Immediately put under lock and key by the no-nonsense Ronnie, a rescue is attempted by… The Power Puff Girls? Hm. Things don’t go all that well for our cartoon friends, but in the end, it makes for a sharp and satisfying piece of political satire!! Again, who woulda thought??

    Can you believe I’ve written all this because, at the outset, I merely wanted to alert the comics fans in the audience to a publication they may not be aware of – but well should be?? Haunt the newsstands, Silver Agers, because you don’t want to miss the third in what appears to be one of Nick Mag’s semi-annual SpongeBob SquarePants Specials!!

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    Chock full of cutting-edge comics creators – Roger Langridge, Sam Henderson, Mark Marek, and James Kolchalka, amongst others – the REAL treat comes when you get to the three page “Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy” adventure. You might recall this pair as SpongeBob and Patrick’s favorite heroes, and were drawn in outfits EXACTLY like Aquaman and Aqualad’s, save for a starfish covering Mermaid Man’s nose, a few shells on his chest, and a hat and domino mask for his younger partner!! Well, for this thrilling installment, the fine folks at Nick have lured the Great Ramona Fradon out of retirement to contribute the artwork – and lemme tell ya, it looks just as good as the stuff DC Comics recently issued in their premiere Aquaman Archives Volume One!! I know I’ve been a little…harsh on the Sea King over the years, but even I can appreciate the sentimental if slightly skewed reunion taking place betwixt creator and character!! Heck, even my Power Puff Pal bought a copy!! I wholeheartedly advise the rest of you to run out and do so as well!

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    Or look for a copy on eBay, I guess…

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    Fast forward with me now to November 21st, 2004, and my reaction to the spongy one’s big screen debut…

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    Yeah, yeah, I know – The Incredibles.

    Don’t worry, I’ll get around to seeing what’s shaping up to be the best reviewed animated film EVER eventually, honest. But in the meantime, I’m here to report that yesterday I transported a contingent of rabid fans – in whose number I proudly count myself – to a matinee showing of The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, and I’m happy to say, NO ONE was disappointed.

    Long time readers of “Fred Sez” might recall me recounting the tale of being turned on to the Nick Toon in its virtual infancy by my daughter Julie, and immediately falling under the spell of the energetic, good-natured silliness that’s at the heart of its now broad appeal. Understand that this was SO early on that, in order to explain to my friends at our weekly volleyball game what I was ranting about, I needed to actually tape an episode, freeze frame just the right pose, and then draw a copy of what was up on the screen myself, all merely in order to show the uninitiated just WHAT a SpongeBob SquarePants was!!

    Stop and consider that notion for a moment: there was once indeed a time when you literally could not find a visual image of the little guy anywhere, save for the earliest, intermittent broadcasts of his nascent program!

    And NOW, well…

    Now he’s everywhere, including the big screen. Oh, there’s been a certain amount of backlash due to his overwhelming presence on the current cultural landscape – I’ve heard more than one parent bemoan his very existence, much the way the ever pervasive Barney got slammed similarly a decade earlier. I contend that these folks either haven’t actually sat down and absorbed (if you’ll excuse the pun – or even if you won’t…) an episode, or they’re likely the kind of people who automatically turn their noses up at most anything that could be conceived to be of a childish nature. But perhaps this movie will finally convince enough of those unbelievers – the film appears to be getting generally good, if not Incredibles reviews – of the character’s innate worthiness, see?

    Lynn and I took Julie and two of her pals (all aged fourteen, for those of you keeping score at home) to see the Saturday afternoon showing (we would’ve gone opening night, save for a conflict the girls had with a dance). Me and the missus went in and got our seats while the kids waited out in the lobby for another buddy to join them, and by the time she showed, the only good seats left were the ones directly behind us. This allowed me the unique ability to gauge their reaction to the movie. But first we all had to sit through something new, or at least something I’d never encountered before: a loosely connected series of commercials for upcoming DVDs, video games, TV shows on NBC, the Sci Fi Channel, and the Cartoon Network, a creepy car ad that sprung the long-dead Steve McQueen on us unexpectedly, and of course, plugs for the lobby’s candy and soda, all under the umbrella title of “The Twenty” (which was either it’s length in minutes, the number of ads it inflicted upon us, or most likely, both…)

    Then, finally, the lights went down and we STILL had to sit through the requisite half-dozen trailers of future presentations (the concept for the upcoming live action Fat Albert movie looked mighty peculiar – and it was hard to tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. But it was definitely an ODD thing…) The main event hadn’t even started yet, and already I was worn out from all the visual stimuli that we’d been bombarded with. Was this going to affect my potential enjoyment of our little yellow friend’s cinematic debut, I fretted?

    I needn’t have worried. Commencing with a cleverly off-kilter opening live-action sequence set on a pirate ship, once the laughs started, they never truly stopped! While the plot was little more than your standard quest chestnut – SpongeBob and pal Patrick must find King Neptune’s missing crown in order to save the life of the unfairly condemned Mr. Krabs – it served as the perfect template for any number of hilarious set pieces.

    (One favorite: while attempting to retrieve the key to their hijacked Patty Wagon – long story – in a bar full of thugs, the pair inadvertently break the dive’s one cardinal rule, allowing a bubble to float out of the soap dispenser in the washroom. The head hard case proceeds to line up everybody in the bar, and begins playing the “Goofy Goober” theme song on a turntable, knowing full well that no “babies” – as he likes to call them – can resist joining in for long, and once they do, he’ll have his bubble blowing culprits dead to rights! Well, just watching the animated agony of our two stars as they try mightily to resist the siren song of the Goofy Goobers had me laughing uproariously! Silly, yes – but exquisitely executed as well….)

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    Patrick, in fact, has some of the funniest moments in the entire film. As someone who makes SpongeBob look like a prime candidate for the Bikini Bottom chapter of Mensa, his dumber than thou reactions to most any mundane situation can easily evoke a guffaw. Watch for his deliciously ridiculous encounter with Neptune’s daughter, as he finds himself immediately and totally smitten with the young mermaid. Believe me, love never looked so stupid. And in a moment towards the end of the film that had children and adults in the audience alike howling, our pink pal receives an… unexpected wardrobe modification, one I won’t otherwise spoil for you.

    When the end credits began to roll, I heard Julie’s friend Lisa say, over and over again, almost in a reverential tone, “That was the BEST movie I’ve ever seen…” I’m not willing to go QUITE that far – in fact, I’d even be willing to admit that, sight unseen, The Incredibles is probably a better piece of cinema – but this was anything but a quickly churned out, simply elongated episode of a kid’s cartoon show. Thanks to the efforts of creator Stephen Hillenburg and all the talented writers, animators, and voice artists – with Tom Kenny and Bill Fagerbakke leading the pack in their roles of SpongeBob and Patrick – The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie should spawn an entire series of wildly inventive and gloriously fun-filled sequels!!

    So, I guess my advice to you is simple: go see it!

    And maybe – just maybe – I’ll get the whole group together again to take in a showing of The Incredibles sometime real soon, okay?…

    ————————————————————-

    Eventually I did see it, and y’know, maybe it was just a case of having to wade through the overwhelming amount of praise heaped upon it, somehow making me involuntarily react contrary to the masses, but I wasn’t as impressed by The Incredibles as the vast majority seemed to be. However, I’m here to praise SpongeBob, not bury The Incredibles, so let’s put aside THAT controversy and complete our visit to the past with the toon’s tune review from November 28th, 2004 that caught the eye of music-minded Tom Kenny in the first place…

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    There’s probably nothing more delightful – or satisfying – than when two of my many seemingly disparate obsessions unexpectedly collide and combine to make for one near transcendent – if oft times silly – sensation.

    Just such a magical moment occurred earlier this week, shortly after I eagerly purchased a copy of the brightly colored CD you see below.

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    By now, you’re all at least peripherally aware of my allegiance to friend SpongeBob, of whose big screen debut I raved about not long ago. And you might recall the glowing review I gave Brian Wilson’s SMiLE last month. Well, no, this soundtrack collection ISN’T the next SMiLE, but it does include any number of gems in its 15 selections. Fine, fresh tracks from the likes of The Shins, The Flaming Lips, Wilco, Avril Lavigne, and (gulp) Motorhead are judiciously mixed in with cuts either utilizing dialog clips from the cartoon, or the actual voice artists themselves, singing happily in character. And, gang, THAT’S where the fun begins!…

    We initially listened to this CD while driving over to Grandma’s for Thanksgiving dinner, and I was immediately taken by “The Best Day Ever” (sung by Tom Kenny as SpongeBob), and “Under My Rock” (performed by Bill Fagerbakke as Patrick). The two tunes – aside from the unavoidably goofy vocals – sounded exactly like something piping out of a hand-held transistor radio, circa 1965/1966!! The SpongeBob solo was especially reminiscent of the “Help Me Rhonda”/ “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” era Beach Boys, replete with echoes of Boss Boy Brian’s trademark Spector-like wall of sound, exotic percussion included. Throw in a few hints of the organ flourish from the Monkees’ “I’m A Believer”, wed them to some gloriously sunny lyrics, sung with undeniable enthusiasm by the faux sponge, and you have yourself a perfect piece of pastiche, one whose enjoyment upon repeated listenings admittedly hinges on your own personal tolerance of Kenny’s high-pitched (yet tuneful) voice characterization. Me, I could just listen to him all day, but I’ve been told that not EVERYONE feels the same way. Huh – hard to figure…

    Patrick’s “Under My Rock” is far broader lyrically, and not nearly as ambitious musically. Still, an authentic British blues rock feel is nicely achieved with the aid of some harmonica and a concise guitar rave-up. Why, you might even think this number was the Yardbirds, the Animals, maybe even the Stones themselves – if it weren’t for THAT voice. While Brian Wilson could himself conceivably croon “The Best Day Ever”, there’s NO way Mick – or anyone else for that matter – could attempt a go at “Under My Rock”, since the words are laser specific to Patrick (who, for those not in the know, is a starfish who lives under a rock and has nearly the same I.Q. as one). Fagerbakke talk-sings the comedic couplets as the back-up band blisters in the background, easily eliciting laughter and furious toe-tapping simultaneously.

    Midway to our holiday destination, I couldn’t help but wonder: just WHERE’D these things come from anyway? So, to satisfy my curiosity once and for all, I asked Julie to hand me the CD case from the back seat so that I could check out the credits in the little booklet that came with it.

    Imagine my surprise when I discovered that both tunes were the work of the freshly-minted songwriting team of Tom Kenny and Andy Paley, with the latter responsible for the production on this pair of retro tracks. Paley, you see, is a long-time music biz veteran and is perhaps most celebrated for his collaborations with – uh huh – Brian Wilson on two of the ex-Beach Boy’s highly regarded solo albums (one of which was never officially released, but that’s a whole ‘nother story…). No wonder these two cuts so precisely – and lovingly – aped an era. Paley – who’s also worked with acts ranging from NRBQ to Madonna – invested each piece of fresh nostalgia with his considerable expertise – and while that doesn’t make Music From The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie and More the next SMiLE, it should make it of at least passing interest to those of you out there who thrive on the sounds of deliciously replicated sixties era surf pop – even when it IS sung by a squeaky voiced cartoon character!!

    (This isn’t the first time the SpongeBob braintrust has wandered off into such celebrated waters, by the way. A memorable first season cartoon episode featured a brilliant, non-Paley Beach Boy send-up called “I Ripped My Pants” (..don’t ask…). From its ersatz “Be True To Your School” melody right on down to its tell-tale reverbed tambourine intro that spot-on duplicates the wistful opening to the unforgettable “Caroline, No”, its long been evident to this viewer that the folks who mastermind Bikini Bottom’s inhabitants have a deep and heartfelt appreciation for the music of their land-based surfing counterparts.)

    (One warning, though: the CD also features “The Goofy Goober Song”, the very number whose key plot-turning sequence in the film I spotlighted in my recent review. Just as the thugs challenged their terrified listeners not to sing along with the tune’s inane melody – snatches of the very self-same dialog are in fact included on the CD track – you’ll most certainly find yourself unable to resist, and you’ll soon be helplessly wandering about your house, musically muttering, “I’m a Goofy Goober” under your breath, over and over. Hey, there’s no shame in it, folks – it happens to even the, ahem, strongest of us…)

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    Okay, folks – that brings our little swim down memory lane up to shore and to a close. Now it’s time to take a closer look at some NEW product – namely, the Best Day Ever CD.

    Simply put, it more than delivers on the promise the title tune and “Under My Rock” hinted at when those pair of tracks snuck their way onto the movie soundtrack a few years back. Clocking in at little over fifty minutes, the aural experience is structured to ape the broadcast of a sixties Top Forty DJ, as disc-master Al Bacore (Jerry “The Geator” Blavat) introduces tunes from each member of the water-logged cast – The High Seas, don’tcha know – with the lion’s share of the mirthful melodies crooned by SpongeBob himself. In between each number, jingles, weather forecasts, ads, contests, and other AM radio staples are satirized in short and snappy comedy bits.

    This tact recalls The Who Sell Out, which dropped mock-British radio ads in between the long-player’s hard rocking numbers. Funny thing was, when I was younger I always avoided buying that particular album for that very specific reason! I just figured it’d become tedious after two or three spins, and contented myself instead with my copies of Tommy, Live at Leeds, and Who’s Next. It wasn’t until the LP was re-released on CD – in expanded form, natch – in the mid-nineties that I decided to take a chance and pick it up.

    The result? It sparked a massive revival in my interest in the group, an appreciation that hasn’t dimmed in the intervening years, and now The Who Sell Out ranks right up there with the other three aforementioned Who classics. If anything, The Best Day Ever takes its conceit even further than the Who did way back when, and even without the aid of funny voices supplied by Keith Moon, I can attest to the fact that the humor stands up well to repeated listenings. As you might suspect, it’s filled with a boatload of marine based puns, character-derived comedy, and just plain inspired silliness. Without blowing any punchlines, I’d point to the “Caller Number Five” interlude, as well as the disclaimer on the Krusty Krab Radio Spot, as my favorite laff-getters – and I’ll even shamefacedly admit that it took me half a dozen listens to appreciate DJ Al’s intro to Patrick’s “Under My Rock” as a bolder (boulder – get it?) new direction for the starfish! Who knows (which might make a fine title for your NEXT recording, Pete…) – maybe there are STILL some gags I haven’t gotten yet! Something to keep bringing me back, no doubt…

    That, and the songs, of course!

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    Each and every one a collaboration of Tom Kenny and producer Andy Paley, the numbers generally succeed at serving twin mistresses: cleverly amusing lyrics specific to each character, simultaneously wedded to tuneful music echoing a warmly recalled but bygone era, expertly performed by an ace group of musicians (of which, as I admitted earlier, I was only familiar with a few – sorry, Ken…).

    When the microphone is turned over to such non-crooner’s as Squidward (Roger Bumpass) for “Superior” and to Mr. Krabs’ (Clancy Brown) “Fishin For Money”, Tom and Andy wisely approach their numbers much the way a Broadway composer might knowing he had to cobble together a showpiece for a vocally-challenged thespian. While probably as far away from the sunny charm of the title track as anything on the disc, I challenge you NOT to soon begin muttering the title chorus of Mr. Krab’s show stopper to yourself after a mere couple of spins! And on a similar note, Sandy’s (Carolyn Lawrence) “Who Wants To Race Me” is a fast and furious country and western ditty, delivered with the girl squirrel’s nasally down home Texan charm, all the while ably aided by Jeremy Wakefield’s snappy steel guitar!

    You’d think Plankton (Mr. Lawrence) might fall in this selfsame category, but somehow his bark-singing the commanding couplets to “You Will Obey!” mirror the best of the aggressive rockin’ blues vocalists of the past, all the while barreling along over a killer “96 Tears”-like organ riff! Okay Plankton, whatever you say – I WILL obey!

    “Barnacles” is a particularly catchy number that utilizes the varied personalities of the entire, rich cast, as each member contributes a personally-tailored stanza extolling the virtues of the title word, which for the folks of Bikini Bottom, is “the way we say what they we say we can’t say” – got that?. Provided a little South of the Border, Jay and the Americans-like flavor by the tasteful accordion fills of Flaco Jimenez, this is the one you’ll most want your little ones singing! Because, believe me, I’ve heard the alternative, and it AIN’T pretty! (Guess this track is the Bizarro World version of “The Fish Cheer”, huh?…)

    SpongeBob, being the big star here, naturally takes the lead on “Barnacles”, then again shares the spotlight with the rest of the gang on the finale, “Bikini Bottom/Rock Bottom”. He trades lines with Patrick on both “Ridin’ the Hook” and “Doin’ the Krabby Patty”, and then solos on “Employee of the Month”, “My Tighty Whiteys”, and “Where’s Gary?”, as well as gloriously setting the tone with the title track.

    Oh, and there’s one OTHER undersea denizen I’ve neglected to mention this far: honorary Bikini Bottomer – and Beach Boy founder – Brian Wilson!

    On the rare occasion you find the name of as legendary a musical luminary as Brian Wilson listed in the production credits of a CD, you just might as likely have to strain your ears to the breaking point in hopes of actually HEARING their contribution, buried way deep in the mix as it usually is.

    That’s not the case here, not by a long shot!

    While stopping short of stepping up to the mic for any lead vocals, two tracks in particular – “Doin the Krabby Patty” and “My Tighty Whiteys” – glisten with Wilson’s gorgeously layered back-up harmonies. The former number effortlessly conjures up the sense of good-time fun found in The Beach Boys early up-tempo surfing hits, while the latter ballad – save for its decidedly off kilter lyrical content – would otherwise musically sound perfectly at home on Pet Sounds (or at least Friends…)! And even on songs where Wilson clearly isn’t on hand, well, even THEY just drip with his inspiration – there’s a short musical interlude towards the end of the CD’s finale, “Bikini Bottom/Rock Bottom”, that sounds, with its ukulele flourish, like it was lifted directly from a Smiley Smile out-take – and believe me, friends, that’s a GOOD thing! Hey, I sincerely doubt any theremin players ever attended recording sessions for any “Barney” discs, dig?..

    I could go on – hey, isn’t that a little of Sam Cooke’s “Chain Gang” I’m hearing on “Employee of the Month”? – but I won’t. Suffice it to say, this CD works on so many levels, and I’m thinking, if you’re a SpongeBob fan, or someone who just appreciates classic Top Forty radio AND music of a certain era , or maybe someone who flat out worships Brian Wilson, or even just loves a skillfully concocted novelty record (me, I’m all four!), then you, sir or madam, NEED to buy this record!

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    (And lemme tell ya, just the very notion of a Phil Spector-like collection of original Christmas carols crooned by SpongeBob and the High Seas is almost enough to make my head explode in sheer delight! Santa Hillenburg, I sure know what I want for Christmas, even if has to be NEXT Christmas!…) .

    So, Tom – there’s your review! Great job – and that goes for Andy, the entire cast, and all the musicians, too – Brian most definitely included!

    But as you might also recall, you told Ken – it’s on the record; just take a peek up above – you fully intended to ring me up and, y’know – heh – say nice things to me! Remember? Ken even called first to give me a head’s up regarding your intentions – I guess he wanted to prepare me. I promised Ken to be on my best behavior and try my level best to call you “Tom” and NOT “SpongeBob”, and that I wouldn’t badger you to use THAT voice for our entire conversation.

    Unless, of course, you wanted to!…

    Well, as of yet, I have as yet to hear from the multi-talented Tom, but there’s probably any number of good reasons for that. Mr. K does, after all, cop to being shy about calling up perfect strangers during the course of his conversation with Ken (though I’d never claim to be perfect…), so perhaps that’s the source of his reluctance.

    Or maybe Ken passed along certain nuggets of information he subsequently garnered from me during that pre-call alert he gave me. Such as my semi-exhaustive collection of SpongeBob ephemera:

    The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie DVD
    Four seasons of SpongeBob on DVD.
    Four SpongeBob music CDs
    Three Nickelodeon SpongeBob magazines
    A SpongeBob puzzle book
    A SpongeBob jigsaw puzzle
    A SpongeBob metal trash can
    A SpongeBob Bulletin Board
    A Talking SpongeBob Cookie Jar
    A SpongeBob kitchen magnet
    A SpongeBob Uno card game

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    A Plankton watch
    Plastic figures with the recorded voices of SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward included within
    A SpongeBob bobbling statue
    A SpongeBob cushy toy
    Several years worth of SpongeBob calendars
    A SpongeBob embroidery sew on
    A SpongeBob sticker
    A SpongeBob pinata (broken)
    Paper SpongeBob birthday cups and plates
    Various SpongeBob Holiday cards
    SpongeBob Cheese snacks
    SpongeBob Krabby Patty candies
    An electric SpongeBob toothbrush
    SpongeBob toothpaste
    SpongeBob shampoo
    A SpongeBob soap dish
    A SpongeBob pillow case
    Two SpongeBob blankets

    …And somewhere around this point during our discussion, Ken interrupted my seemingly endless litany of product with a question that had suddenly become very, very important to him to:

    “Fred, ” he asked incredulously, “you – you don’t own any SpongeBob UNDERWEAR, do you?”

    “Well…”, I began to stammer…

    The pregnant pause gave me away.

    “NO!”, he exclaimed, beginning to laugh uproariously! “You DON’T?”

    “Um, yeah – I DO. Two pairs, in fact, Boxers, though – NOT thongs. But you gotta understand – a lot of the stuff I’ve ticked off, including the undies, were given to me over the past several years as either Christmas or birthday gifts. My family knows how much I like SpongeBob, so for them, it was just an easy out when present purchasing time rolled around again. Just load up on SpongeBob goodies, of which there is, like, no limit, y’know? Honest!…”

    “Suuure”, Ken replied, obviously not fully convinced.

    I don’t know how to quash his doubts, but if nothing else, Tom, this should convince YOU of my unwavering devotion to that cute li’l fellow you so ably help bring to life.

    Look – just like everyone else, you’ve heard of Cheesecake, right? Uh huh. Of course.

    Beefcake – you’re familiar with that too, righto? You betcha by golly YOW!!.

    Okay, but I sure hope you’re sitting down cuz it’s time for me to introduce the NEXT doughy delight – :

    SPONGECAKE!

    fredhembeck2006-11-16-12.jpg

    Sigh..

    I suppose Tom’s NEVER gonna call now, is he?…

    Visit Hembeck.com – that is, if your eyes haven’t already been burned completely out of their sockets….

    -Copyright 2006 Fred Hembeck

  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 11/16/2006

    thingamabobs.jpg

    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

    ————————————————

    • Is there any sex in the champagne room? (Thingamabob)
    • The Hayden Christensen School of Acting… (Thingamabob)
    • “Torn” on The Secret Policeman’s Ball. (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

    ##

  • Nocturnal Admissions: DVD Review and giveaway, Boston Legal: Season Two

    nocturnalheader5.gif

    I have an extra copy of the second season of Boston Legal to give away, but more about that later. [Update, Thursday, 16 November, 2006: the box has been won. Congrats to Canada’s Jeff Winkworth!]

    BL title

    Boston Legal is about reunions. That has become extremely clear by the start of the show’s second season. The first big trial arc of S2 features Heather Locklear as Kelly Nolan, accused of killing her much older husband. Locklear, of course, starred with William Shatner in T. J. Hooker (one of the greatest shows ever put on television). At the end of the season (and it’s a long season, 26 episodes, four more than typical) Jeri Ryan appears, introducing a third Star Trek veteran into a stew that also includes Shatner and Rene Auberjonois, all from different generations of Treks.

    This seems to be a conscious strategy because though David Kelley’s BL is ostensibly a legal dramedy, it’s really a “postmodern” show about television itself. Hence all the guests performances by old time TV people, from Betty White to Tom Selleck. At the end of one episode in S2 James Spader’s Alan Shore walks into the traditional episode ending chat on the balcony with Shatner’s Denny Crain and says, “Denny, I’ve hardly seen you the whole episode.”

    Boston Legal really began, as most of us recall, at the tail end of The Practice, though few knew that that show was coming to an end. It had begun in 1997, with movie stars Dylan McDermott and Lara Flynn Boyle spicing up the tiny tube with their big screen allure. It was a serious, heart-rending program, but by the end of its seventh season it had worn out its welcome. With season eight, Alan Shore joined the firm and his acerbic wit and ruthless practices rejuvenated “¦ Spader’s career. The show began a must-watch, just for its Spaderisms, but the fact that no one any longer cared about anyone else still left on the series seemed to justify ABC’s decision to finally cancel the show. Fortunately, by the start of the next season, Spader was back as Shore, in this new show, now in its third year.

    The sole reason to watch Boston Legal is for Spader and his witticisms. The show’s makers seem to know this. It has had more cast turn then almost any other show in television history. Lake Bell and Julia-Roberts-sound-alike Monica Potter didn’t survive long or at all into the second season, and the exotic Rhona Mitra, the other carry-over from The Practice, vanished soon into S2. Early S2 cast members Ryan Michelle Bathe and Justin Mentell soon vanished, and there was a flurry of additions across the end of S2 and the start of S3, including the great Parker Posey and the great Craig Bierko, who looks to serve as a fine nemesis to Shore.

    In its first season, Boston Legal began toning down Shore’s cutting remarks, the best part of the last legs of The Practice. There are even fewer wisecracks in S2. But what is emphasized are Shore’s various closing statements, which are clever, intricate, heartfelt, and in many cases politically daring. One of the best occurs at the end of episode S2E10, called “Legal Deficits.” In it Shore defends his new assistant, who suffers from onerous and punitive credit card debt, a situation that many viewers can related to. The speech is worth quoting in full.

    First, credit card company shill Attorney Melvin Palmer (Christopher Rich, of Murphy Brown, another TV connection) leads into the speech by saying, “Given that we [credit card companies] are bigger than Walmart or McDonalds or Microsoft we enjoy some security. And potential lawsuits like this? We have an expression in Texas, Mr Shore. You’re all hat, and no cattle.”

    BL talk

    Shore chuckles and begins, “Here’s the thing about me. I am a hoot. But I insist on putting adversary back into the system. And I do it openly and notoriously for all to hear. While a swell guy like you doesn’t want the public to know that of the thousands of industries tracked by the Better Business Bureau the credit card racket is number one in customer complaints. You don’t want them to know that you deliberately target those who won’t be able to pay off their debts. People you call, “˜Revolvers’. People who see “˜zero percent interest’ in big blue print and don’t know that with just one late payment you skyrocket their interest to thirty percent. That if they so much as inquire about leasing a car you raise their rates. You don’t want the public to know that while over seven million families have filed for bankruptcy in the last five years you got Congress to change the bankruptcy code to make it next to impossible for people to discharge credit card debt. You don’t want people to know that the credit card industry is essentially a pack of hyenas crunching on the bones of the poor. Do you? I smell something awful. He leans in to smell Jerry’s body. I think it’s you. Yes, this case has the stench of big tobacco and asbestos all over it. Luckily our firm has nine offices around the US, London and Hong Kong, strategically positioned for massive class action suits. And once the company you represent smells it too they’ll find you’re not nearly smart or powerful enough and they’ll drop you for a firm that employs expertise and intimidation rather than down home hokum and smiley handshakes. And this is my favorite part, when your firm fires your obsequiese ass for losing their client… Oh my God! The stress! Your tan will fade, you’ll gain a few pounds, drink a bit more, scream at the kids, and maybe your wife will finally leave you. For the realtor who sells your house because after all he’ll still be able to afford Christmas in Aruba and next year’s convertible. Hey, fella. Don’t worry about it. It’ll be a hoot.”

    Shore, of course, wins the case.

    BL hands

    Boston Legal is a show that you watch for the words, rather than the visuals. It’s like radio. All the important stuff is verbal. Julie Bowen is a fine contribution to the War of the Network Blondes, but what we’re really here for is Shore’s dicta. I’ve even grown very attached to the show’s credits lead in, which end with a punch line punctuated by the show’s jaunty theme music. Thus it becomes a doubly annoying tic of the show that they often tilt down to or up from moving hands, as if the only other part of the human body that communicates, besides the voice, is one’s paws.

    BL box

    As mentioned at the top, I have a giveaway set of Boston Legal season two, thanks to Fox Home Video. The first person to write me at dkholmcontests@mac.com gets it. Obviously I won’t be able to answer all respondents, so if you don’t hear from me anywhere from an hour from now to a week, you didn’t get it.

  • Interview: Chop Shop Entertainment

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    -by Ken Plume

    chopshop2006-11-15-02.jpgIn anticipation of the DVD release of Clerks 2, we took some time to go in-depth with Zak Knutson and Joey Figueroa of Chop Shop Entertainment, the two cats responsible for the online behind-the-scenes featurettes (affectionately known as “Train Wrecks”) that documented the making of Clerks 2.

    For the DVD release of Clerks 2, however, they’ve crafted a brand-new, feature-length documentary about the journey from the original Clerks to Clerks 2 titled Back To The Well. We chat about their work with Kevin Smith’s View Askewniverse, the ethos behind the “Train Wrecks” and Chop Shop Entertainment, and what it was like to document the journey back to the well…

    Before we get things started, though, how about a look at the trailer for Back To The Well (there are additional clips at the end of the interview):

    • Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 32.4 MB)
    • Small (320 x 240 – QuickTime – 14.2 MB)
    —————————————————————

    KEN PLUME: When did you both first get involved with Kevin?

    JOEY FIGUEROA: Well, there was talk of doing it long, long before we even got that on the budget to do it. That’s basically our holdout was the budget, and the okay from the studio, and Kevin and Scott (Mosier) really pushed for it. They’re really into it. More so Kevin, with the online stuff. For us, the documentary was the most important thing we really wanted to get off the ground.

    ZAK KNUTSON: Ken, are you talking about when we first got the idea to do the documentary?

    KEN PLUME: Even going further back than that. Respectively, when did you two first start working with Kevin?

    ZAK: Ah, okay. I was a production secretary and the visual effects assistant on Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back. And I stuck around. They were kind enough to keep me employed on Jersey Girl, and I kept in touch with Kevin & Scott through emails and whatnot, and then when Jersey Girl came up I was the post-production coordinator.

    JOEY: And me I came on during post-production on Jersey Girl as an office assistant. What led us to this point, I guess, was our work with (the Clerks 10th anniversary documentary) Snowball Effect at first, because we did the work with Phil Benson. Kevin was really happy about it.

    KEN PLUME: Speaking of that, when did Snowball Effect begin to come together? Because obviously you two both had worked on Jersey Girl

    JOEY: Well, Phil Benson – the one that directed and produced it – he had pitched it to Kevin, Kevin was all for it, and then he basically brought on Zak and myself to help out.

    ZAK: Phil had told me about it one day at the office. He said, “I got this idea for this documentary,” because they’re planning on doing this Clerks 10th anniversary DVD. He told me it was originally going to be called From Jersey to Sundance. And I told him, “If you don’t do it you’re a fool, because that’s a really great story.” Because I was a fan before I even actually started to work with these guys. And I used to beat Phil over the head so hard about it that when he finally got the balls enough to actually do the documentary, he asked me to do it and he asked Joey to do it. That was towards the end of Jersey Girl, because we were in post production hell on that movie, like everybody knows. And then I went off to produce a movie with Dave Klein, and when I came back Joey and Phil had already done a lot of prep work on the documentary, and we basically did the entire thing from start to finish in about four months.

    KEN PLUME: Which, considering how many things needed to be pulled together for that documentary, is quite an accomplishment.

    ZAK: It was a huge process, ’cause that documentary was basically done by four guys. It was done by Phil Benson, Rich Fox – the guy who actually cut the documentary – and then Joey and myself.

    JOEY: All the photography we did was in a span of only three weeks.

    ZAK: Yeah. We interviewed everybody in three weeks, and we went from L.A. to Washington to New Jersey to New York and then back to L.A. to finish up interviews.

    chopshop2006-11-15-03.jpg

    KEN PLUME: So, for each of you respectively, what was the biggest learning curve in diving in and doing something like that?

    JOEY: Just the whole process of putting something together from nothing, you know? You’ve got your basic story, and you just get the gist of what it takes to create something when it’s not always right there in your face… Without fabricating shit, is what I’m saying.

    ZAK: Myself, I basically fell in love with the documentary format. I’d never been a documentary guy, and that one really taught me what goes into it and how it’s filmmaking, but it’s kind of the exact opposite of when you go to a movie. When you’re doing a documentary you kind of have an idea of what the story’s gonna be, but you kind of create it on the fly in post-production, because that’s when you find your stories in the little things that people tell. It’s not written down in a script. But since then I’ve become a huge, huge documentary fan. I can’t get enough. That’s all I have on my NetFlix.

    KEN PLUME: When you talk about finding the story in editing, how different was the found story than what you originally set out to tell, and the original concept of Snowball was?

    JOEY: That would be more of a question for Phil. I don’t want to speak for him, but I think what he had in mind was basically telling the story of Kevin making his movie on a shoestring budget, and it selling to Mirimax at Sundance. That was his basic idea, and the whole journey from… remember, it was originally going to be titled From Jersey to Sundance. And through that, and interviewing all the people, you got a chance to get the insight into all these little characters that were in that movie and what their original characters were supposed to be, and what not. And you get all these little stories. One that was really interesting with us was the Ernie O’Donnell was originally supposed to play Dante, and basically couldn’t learn his lines, so he essentially got demoted to playing Rick Derris. You know, so little things like that just come up through all the interviews, and you get a chance to put them all out there, which was kind of cool.

    ZAK: Plus the black and white of the had already been out there for 10 years, and Kevin had told the story so much. But there were these other little stories that we kinda found out along the way, like how important the Ernie aspect was to how the film came out. And Ed Hapstack. Without Ed Hapstack, they wouldn’t have had things like lights, because he built them – and how he built them… all that kinda stuff. And then just the things with Jay (Mewes). Like, I didn’t know Jay was a roofer. And I didn’t know that when the movie came out, Jay was a roofer. Just these little things, and how the relationships were and how instrumental Bryan Johnson was in the actual story of Clerks.

    JOEY: Little things like Kevin not even liking Jay when they used to hang out. He was somebody that he didn’t want around, and he just kinda grew on him – to the point where, obviously, today they’re family. They’re like brothers. More like son and father, in a way. It’s kinda cool.

    ZAK: It’s almost kinda like a Batman: Year One story, where you get to learn where all the different characters came from… How Gordon and Batman and Alfred and al these guys just tied together. That was kinda what doing Snowball Effect was like for us.

    JOEY: And also in the process, for me anyways, I got the experience of kinda knowing Kevin even more, his whole life, and his whole story. His whole background and his home town, and talking to his mother and his friends, and just everybody back home. You got a sense of who he was as a kid, and it was almost like he was destined to be who he was today. I mean, the guy was writing as a child, and he had people listening. It was kinda cool. It made me feel like I got to know him better as a person.

    chopshop2006-11-15-04.jpgKEN PLUME: And you also were much closer to when there were still some raw nerves about Clerks in evidence, particularly with Jeff, and you got a much clearer picture of clarifying exactly what went down post-Clerks release…

    ZAK: Well, there was a point when we were doing the DVDs that Jeff didn’t want to have anything to do with it. Jeff wanted to get away from Clerks. He wanted to get away from being Randal, and when we called him up to actually do the documentary, he kinda expressed that he wasn’t that interested in doing it. And Kevin had to call him up and say, “Look, doing this thing is kinda pointless if we don’t have you. It’s like doing Indiana Jones without Indy.

    JOEY: Actually, Jeff was one of our last interviews on Snowball Effect. I mean, he really held out to the end. We interviewed him here at the office toward the tail end of the shoot, and it turned out that he kinda made a turnaround. Almost like on Clerks 2. It just took him a little while to get greased up, then he was all for it.

    KEN PLUME: So you actually had to grease him then.

    JOEY: Oh sure.

    ZAK: Oh yeah. In a very sexy way.

    KEN PLUME: Now I know what all the drums were that I saw at the office.

    ZAK: (laughing) Exactly.

    JOEY: There’s lubricant here just on standby, dude, like in a big fucking Crisco jar.

    KEN PLUME: Well, I believe you can buy it through the Stash, can’t you?

    ZAK: Yes, and it’s called “Frisco” because Crisco would sue us for copyright.

    KEN PLUME: I thought it was like Mooby’s sauce or something…

    ZAK: There you go.

    KEN PLUME: Coming off of Snowball Effect, were things kind of nebulous as to what your roles would be after that documentary and Jersey Girl were wrapped?

    ZAK: Well, one thing that Snowball did for us was that when we were wrapping up Snowball Effect, Kevin was big on Green Hornet, and he felt that we did such a good job on Snowball and Jersey Girl that he put us in the budget to make sure that we would be able to go over to Prague to film Green Hornet. Joe and I were kinda under the thing of, when we’re going over… we’re basically going over to Prague for a year. Let’s do something else besides what our jobs are – let’s try to forward ourselves somewhat, career-wise. So we had come up with the idea of doing these things for the internet, and kinda showing people – because Kevin was really big on the internet, and always has been, but we wanted to film some stuff and put it up on the web to kinda keep the fans informed and entertained and give us something to do besides either paperwork or running around Prague, or something like that. We wanted to do something as filmmakers ourselves, so we had the idea of doing kinda what we did on Clerks 2 on Green Hornet. And then Green Hornet fell out, and then Fletch came up. Fletch fell out, and then when Clerks 2 came around, we kinda looked at each other and went, “This is almost too perfect to do it. We gotta pitch this to Scott & Kevin, and they’re gonna have to go for it.”

    JOEY: Well, pretty much it’s that whatever project was going to get greenlit next, we were gonna make the same pitch. We wanted these internet diaries, we want to shoot a documentary, and basically just roll footage from beginning to end. That was our pitch for any of the movies. It turned out to be Clerks 2, which was fucking awesome because the experience was pretty amazing. It was like hanging out and goofing off with your friends. That’s basically what it turned out to be in the end.

    ZAK: But the internet diaries were gonna be nothing like they ended up being in Clerks 2. I was thinking, like, once every couple weeks putting something up with Kevin and Scott, and actually showing some stuff like the “Black Beauty” and all that kinda stuff. We had no idea the internet stuff was gonna explode and become as big as it actually did on Clerks 2.

    chopshop2006-11-15-05.jpg

    KEN PLUME: So when you take that pitch in for what you two wanted to do with the internet featurettes, what were Kevin & Scott’s reactions?

    JOEY: Well, you know, Kevin and Scott were all for it. They were all for it. The problem was more so the studio giving us the budget. Kevin was just like – at first he told us, “That sounds great, you guys do whatever you want.” We were just basically waiting on the budget. We actually started shooting and rolling footage prior to us even getting greenlit, just so we could have stuff in the can already, just in case. And it turned out that we did get the budget, and once we started doing the internet stuff, Kevin basically said “You guys can do whatever you want”… but, of course, later on he’s like, “Well, we don’t want to give away certain spoilers,” so he had to basically clear every Train Wreck that went up. They went through him first to make sure that “This is gonna be a spoiler, this is okay….” But other than that, he let us basically do whatever the hell we wanted, which was cool.

    ZAK: Yeah, Kevin & Scott were for it in a big, bad way. We first brought it up to Scott, and Scott was like, “That’s a great idea. Follow up on it. Write some stuff up, do a pitch, do a budget, do all that kinda stuff.” And then when we took it to Kevin. Kevin, I think, got halfway through the pitch, and he was just like, “This is it, this is great. Let’s do it, pitch it, pitch it, pitch it.” So at that point we took it to the studio, which was basically Shannon McIntosh. And the weird thing was that, at the time – at the time, this was gonna be a Miramax thing, when we were going through this, and the Weinstein’s were splitting from Miramax, and they were forming The Weinstein Company. So we got caught into this limbo of The Weinstein Company basically not having any money to do it. And we wanted to do it, The Weinstein Company wanted to do it, but they didn’t have the cash flow at the time. So we basically had to wait until about two weeks before the actual movie started to know we could do it. Shannon McIntosh loved the idea, and she approved it and she ran with it, and she was kinda the one person at the studio who really, really kinda had our back through the entire thing.

    KEN PLUME: Was there any real concern that it might all fall apart and you might not get the approval?

    JOEY: Every day.

    ZAK: Oh, we went to Vegas… (laughing) We went to Vegas as kind of a “feel bad for ourselves” trip, “Let’s go make ourselves feel better, let’s go get drunk and gamble.”

    JOEY: Actually, that weekend, Scott had told us it’s about 99% dead in the water. Then he called…

    ZAK: Five hours later.

    JOEY: … five hours later, while we were in Vegas, he goes, “Well, hold on, it’s not dead yet.” And then that’s all he said. And then he calls back and says, “You guys got it.”

    ZAK: That was all… in the period of five hours it went from “It’s dead” to “Harvey’s looking at it” to “Shannon pushed it through Harvey and it’s good, you’re gold, you got it.”

    KEN PLUME: So how well did you do in Vegas during that trip?

    JOEY: It didn’t really matter at that point.

    ZAK: I think we won, didn’t we?

    JOEY: I won some money the first night, and then I figured, “Fuck it, we’re gonna get paid now,” so I went and blew it all.

    KEN PLUME: Boy, that’s a common story in Hollywood…

    JOEY: We did pretty good in Vegas except for the last day. As usual. Vegas always wins. But we had a good time. It made the trip that much better knowing that when we got home, we basically had a job.

    KEN PLUME: Going in, was there anything besides spoilers that was off limits?

    JOEY: Um, yes. For a while, in the very beginning, Kevin wanted to hold out the fact that it was taking place at Mooby’s. So if you notice on some of the photos we put up, we turned them black & white just because the obvious purple & yellow colors would give that away. And being that it was at a location, not in a studio, he wanted to put it out that, “Okay, it’s gonna be taking place at a Mooby’s,” but then holding on to anything like the Quick Stop being on fire. We held onto that forever. Besides that, basically nothing was off limits as far as shooting, but everything had to be cleared with Kevin as far as what was going to be thrown out there on the internet.

    ZAK: Kevin watched every single Train Wreck before it went up, and every once in a while would have an issue with, “You know what, there’s some purple & yellow in the background,” or “We don’t want to show this,” or something like that he would pop up, but that happened very rarely.

    KEN PLUME: Once you were on the set – because the initial Train Wrecks were basically pre-production material…

    ZAK: Yep.

    KEN PLUME: When you were actually on the set and dealing then with talent and crew… I mean, it’s well known that Dave Klein wasn’t exactly happy to be on camera.

    ZAK: Which, by the way, is a total, total act. We had this planned out. We were talking to Dave about it. I mean, Dave doesn’t like being interviewed on camera to start off with, but he doesn’t really mind it because he knows… I’ve worked with Dave doing three different movies, but Dave was like, “What if I’m just the angry guy? That’ll be my character. I’ll just be the pissed off guy. The guy who doesn’t want to be…” and it turns… as soon as that camera turned off or as soon as I cut it, we were laughing our asses off.

    KEN PLUME: He did it so well.

    JOEY: It was all fun and games, man, he was just fuckin’ around and fuckin’ around. Half the time he’d slap the cameras because we were asking him to.

    KEN PLUME: What’s great is he was like this brilliant, angry combination of Moby, Charlie Brown & Phil Collins…

    ZAK: Totally!

    JOEY: More like Charlie Brown.

    KEN PLUME: You can tell him I said that, too.

    chopshop2006-11-15-06.jpg

    ZAK: Dave was always my cutaway guy. If I needed to cut away out of something, if I needed to cut away, “I need footage of Dave.” “Dave, I need footage. You’ve got to hit the camera. You’ve got to do something. Come on Dave, do something.” And he’d usually act pissed off or whatever, and I always had a cut away point to get into something or to get out of it.

    JOEY: You know, at first a few people were a little standoffish about the cameras being there the whole time, but during the preproduction meeting, all the heads were there and they’re like, “Look, these two guys are gonna be on set every single day with cameras filming all the behind-the-scenes stuff, so you’re basically going to have to get used to it.” And there were a few people that were kinda standoffish, but pretty much, like, after the first week on set, everybody warmed up to it, and everybody wanted to be on camera as opposed to not being on camera.

    KEN PLUME: So you had to start fending people off…

    ZAK: Pretty much.

    JOEY: And everybody was like, “Well, how come you haven’t talked to me yet, and bla blah blah blah.” It became one of those things where everybody wanted to have a little piece of their internet fame, I guess.

    ZAK: Yeah, because really the only person to have done this kind of thing before this was (Peter) Jackson on King Kong, and no one really knew what to expect. They were afraid we were going to make them to look like assholes, or that they didn’t know what their jobs were, or something like that, or we were gonna make fun of them. Kinda like what Project Greenlight did. Because Project Greenlight has got this thing ingrained in people’s heads to where movies are always a huge pain in the ass and no one has fun and everybody’s fighting with each other. But that’s their TV show. They create that for the TV show. But with Kevin’s movies, that was one of our goals with the Train Wrecks, mainly, was to show people what it was like to work on a View Askew movie. Because after every movie that Kevin and Scott do, everyone comes up to them afterwards and says, “This was the best experience I’ve ever had. And if you guys ever do anything, give me a call. I’ll leave what I’m doing just to come work with you guys.” And I only know of maybe one or two other directors, like Clint Eastwood, who actually have that kind of relationship with their crew. Where they can be working on a series, and all of a sudden Clint calls and they go, “I gotta leave ’cause Clint called.” Because it’s such a great experience, and that’s what working on a View Askew movie is like. I’d say there was probably three days on set that maybe people… and it was usually with Kevin, and it was basically when Kevin was up all night editing – and when Kevin’s up all night, and he hasn’t had any food, he gets kinda cranky. But even when he’s cranky it’s still pretty goddamn good. So out of two months of shooting, it was probably one of the best experiences I’ve had, of being on a set. Just seeing everybody work, it was probably one of the best experiences I’ve ever seen.

    KEN PLUME: Obviously, when you have the camera there and you’re shooting people doing their jobs, or people having moments, is there anything that you felt was an awkward moment?

    ZAK: There was probably three or four times where Kevin said to turn off the camera. But it was never out of like “He’s talking to an actor.” It was never anything like that. It was usually because we had the camera in his face all day long and he was beat tired and he’s like, “Can we just turn this thing off now? Aren’t we done?” Like I said, out of 12 months of shooting, he only did that that a few times, and that’s pretty great. But there was never… it’s kinda the surprising thing when people watch stuff, there was never any high tension point. I mean, I was surprised at how great the actors were. Because usually actors are a little stand-offish when they stick that camera in, because the lines aren’t written for them or anything like that.

    JOEY: But Rosario (Dawson)…

    chopshop2006-11-15-07.jpg

    ZAK: Rosario had no problems whatsoever. Rosario was like, “Oh, you guys are doing that?” And she jumps right in front of the camera. And Jay was kind of the saving grace. Jay loved that camera. Without Jay we wouldn’t have half the Train Wrecks we did. And you know, Brian and Jeff, and just everybody, was just outstanding.

    KEN PLUME: So who was the biggest surprise and turned into the biggest camera whore?

    JOEY: I would say Jay was one of them, and Rosario was another. Them two, they were pretty neck-and-neck as far as really loving the camera and giving you little gold nuggets to paste together.

    ZAK: Panasonic provided us with all the cameras, and they gave us two hand held cameras because we wanted some for the actors. ‘Cause our original thing was we were gonna give Kevin and Scott these little handheld cameras so that they could record their thoughts throughout the entire day. But when they’re making a movie, they don’t exactly have time to sit there and go, “Okay, I’m gonna turn on my camera and talk for five minutes now.” So what we did was we started passing the cameras around. Actually, it was one of the cameras, because Jay grabbed one camera and he didn’t let it go for the entire shoot. As a matter of fact, I think he still has the fucker. And Jay would just go around and shoot shit. And at the end of the day he’s like, “You got another tape? You got another battery? You got another tape? You got another battery?”

    JOEY: I mean, we’ve got footage of Jay waking up in the morning, and recording himself taking a piss for no reason at all but he’s recording stuff.

    KEN PLUME: For posterity.

    JOEY: Yeah, sure.

    ZAK: And like I say, about 80% of it was useless. But that 20% that he gave us, that you ended up seeing, that was totally worth it.

    JOEY: Trevor (Fehrman) also loved that camera. He kinda got attached to it, also. He didn’t want to give it away. And that guy would shoot everything and anything that would get in front of that camera. I mean, he loved it.

    ZAK: He’s a natural ham.

    JOEY: Totally.

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    KEN PLUME: The biggest misconception people might have about the documentary, compared to the Train Wrecks, is that the documentary is just a duplicate of what they saw in the Wrecks…

    JOEY: Well, yeah. Everybody, just from reading stuff online and on the message boards and stuff, had the inclination that it was gonna be just a bunch of Train Wrecks pasted together. And we kinda let that fly. We’re like, “That’s cool that they’re gonna think that, because hopefully it’s gonna be a nice surprise when they see it’s something totally different.” We wanted to do something a little more in depth. Because if it was just gonna be pasted together Train Wrecks, why not just watch all the Train Wrecks back-to-back?

    ZAK: We really wanted to give them… Joe and I were kinda there to see all this stuff that we put in the documentary. Even when we weren’t doing the documentary. Like, we start out basically with the end of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. We go into Jersey Girl. We go into Green Hornet. Because Clerks 2 was kinda being bounced around throughout that entire time. So we kinda wanted to say, “Look, this is when it really started to roll.” Because at one point Kevin closed the book on the View Askewniverse. Now he’s going back into it. And after working with these guys for the last five years, there was a lot of story there to be told, that we just didn’t want to deal with Train Wrecks. We wanted to actually get in there and do some stuff. Like the fact that Scott left. Scott was really having issues with being a producer, and there were other things in his life that he wanted to do, and it’s the exact opposite of Kevin. You know Kevin – that’s all he wanted to do, is make movies and write. So there was all this stuff in there that we really wanted to get into and show, and kinda show the relationship between Kevin & Scott, because Kevin takes a lot of the spotlight, but Scott’s really the one who helps push Kevin, and when Kevin is on the fence about a joke or on the fence about a story or something like that, Scott’s the one that he goes to. Scott is kinda the unsung creative partner in the entire thing.

    JOEY: And it’s also just trying to answer some questions that people kept asking, and it’s like, “Look, let’s just put it out there, these questions are gonna get answered, and leave it at that.” The whole Green Hornet thing, everybody had their own answer to why didn’t Kevin do this movie. And they probably still will doubt him, but like he says in the documentary, “This is why I did not make this movie,” and there’s a couple reasons that led up to him deciding not to do Green Hornet. The so-called lack of success of Jersey Girl – how much of that influenced making something on a smaller level? It had a lot to do with it. And we try to touch on all those bases. All these people asking these questions on the internet. We figure, like, “Fuck it, man, let’s try to answer these, and then we can basically just put it to rest.” Or we can try.

    ZAK: Yeah, and one of our big things was, during the interview process, we didn’t want Kevin to give his standard interview answers – kinda like he does at cons – about Green Hornet, where he “would just have guys standing around the ‘Black Beauty’ talking about blow jobs.” We wanted the actual, real answers, the ones that we knew. And if we could get those out there to people who don’t know those answers. They know the ones that he gives at Comic-Con or the ones that he gives during his Q&As. If we could get the real answers… that’s one of the things that actually surprised Kevin when he watched the doc for the first time – he wasn’t used to watching himself not making jokes, and being totally serious. Because you’re used to seeing the stuff with the Evening with Kevin Smith, and stuff like that. Whereas on this one, he’s like, “I’m not used to watching myself being so goddamn serious.” And it kinda took him back a bit because he really gave us some great answers. He was totally open.

    JOEY: There were a few times where it actually took us a few interviews to get the one answer that we really wanted, because he’d give us an answer and we’re like, “Well, that’s kinda like a pretty generic answer,” and I don’t think he really wanted to talk about it, because there was a couple of times where he’d tell us, “What does that have to do with anything?” And we’re like, “Well, we’re just trying to get to this point of why – why you actually came to the point of finally wanting to do Clerks 2,” because that’s ultimately the whole first reel of the story. And it took him a little while to warm up to that, because I think he didn’t want to rehash ant Jersey Girl shit with J-Lo and Ben (Affleck). And that whole Green Hornet thing he really didn’t want to talk about it. But then after the series of interviews, he finally decided, or finally figured out, like, “Wow, this is part of the story.” So he was real honest with his answers and it took a little while, a few interviews, before he finally warmed up to the fact that, “Hey, fuck it. Let me just put it out there, and this is what it is.”

    ZAK: The lack of box office with Jersey Girl, and pulling out of Green Hornet, those things had to do with making Clerks 2. Those were reasons why he made Clerks 2, and that’s one of the things we wanted to answer with the doc, and we finally got around to it. And I think he’s real pleased that he actually can put out those answers and people can know.

    KEN PLUME: Was there anything that was completely off limits, that people just didn’t really want to talk about, period?

    JOEY: I think there was only one thing that he didn’t really care to talk about – and it wasn’t really big on our storytelling, anyway – and that was the Fletch thing. I think because it was such a short time where they actually considered getting it off the ground. So he’s like, “Meh, I don’t really want to get into that because I’ve told that a million times and it’s gonna be the same thing.” And we agreed. We’re like, “Meh, it’s not really something we really cared about covering anyway.” We were more interested in the whole Jersey Girl/Green Hornet connection, because it was like, everybody was up his ass about turning down an 80 million dollar budget movie. You know, it’s like, “Why, why, why?” And really, Fletch didn’t have anything to do with it. That’s the only time he really said, “I don’t want to talk about this,” was when we brought up Fletch.

    ZAK: And plus Fletch, in the grand scheme of things – out of the five years that we basically cover, Fletch was about a month.

    JOEY: Yeah.

    ZAK: Fletch was about a month. It was towards the end of Jersey Girl. It showed up. It got really hot. And then he just went, “Nah, I don’t want to do it.” It was basically that quick. So when you’re going through the grand scheme of things it’s like, “Do we really want to take this much time out of 90 minutes to focus on something that really only lasted a month, and didn’t have that much to do with Clerks 2?”

    JOEY: But for the most part, nobody gave us an off-limits – “That’s off-limits to talk about.” They pretty much answered everything that we asked. Every question that we asked pretty much got answered throughout the interview.

    KEN PLUME: I thought that in Jeff’s answers, that he seemed like he really enjoyed the ability to be fully candid.

    JOEY: You know, the guy was so honest and didn’t hold back at all. It actually surprised us. He put shit out there and said shit that surprised us. The big thing was that, “Hey, I had no interest in making this movie. I didn’t want to do it for these reasons.” And along with him just being honest about how he felt about the first Clerks, as opposed to this one – even when it got into production, and not wanting to be there on set, and it taking a few moments of him seeing that it’s gonna possibly be a pretty fuckin’ good movie. Or it was just looking good. He was pleased with what he saw, that he kinda, like, became that springboard, that cheerleader, for the rest of the way. But throughout the whole process, Jeff was one of the guys that I think we thank a lot for being so honest and fucking just open, and he made himself available to whatever when we needed him for an interview. He was fucking cool, man. Cool guy.

    ZAK: Yeah, Jeff… there are two interviews that people gave that we would not have been able to get as good a documentary as without those interviews. One was Jeff Anderson, for the reasons that Joe said, and the other one was Jen Smith, Kevin’s wife. She was our last interview, and we got that interview about two days before it was zero hour for me actually putting her in the documentary. Because the documentary was pretty much cut, but I needed Jen to put in there to hit a few certain things. And with that little amount of time, it was gonna be real iffy on how the interview went. And Jen came in, and she gave a personal perspective to Kevin, and making the movie, and what it was kinda like at home versus being a filmmaker and doing all that kinda stuff. Kevin gives that, but then to do that, you have to spend all this time away from home, and away from your family, and Jen gave really, really good insight into what it’s like to be married to a guy who all of a sudden, a year of his life is going to be given up to this movie. And she gave just an outstanding interview, and it was one of those things where, after the interview’s done, Joe and I looked at each other and went, “This is amazing.” Like, “This is really, really, really great stuff.”

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    JOEY: I think if it wasn’t for her interview, that whole Cannes section… who knows how it could have ended up. But she really set it off, man. The way she narrated that story, it made it so much easier to cut. She’s telling a story as we’re watching it, and if it wasn’t for that interview, I really don’t know how that would have turned out, that last section. Because she said it so perfectly. It was so, like…

    ZAK: It was awesome. And the Cannes portion of the documentary is something that I don’t think anybody really knows about. I don’t think anybody knows as far as the fans or anybody who kinda caught onto the fact that Clerks got an eight minute standing ovation at Cannes. When Cannes got accepted, we almost didn’t get in. We got in at the last, last, last moment. And then when it got in, everybody felt like it was just a political move… Harvey did some wrangling, got it in there, and the festival didn’t even want it there. It was more like, “Alright, we’ll put you in it as a favor to Harvey Weinstein.” And those guys had been over there with Dogma and Clerks before then, and they had really good experiences. So when they got over there, and we’re sitting there with them, it was kinda like, “Whatever, let’s just get this thing over with. You know, this is gonna be bad. They’re gonna hate the movie. The festival doesn’t want us here, the people don’t want us here.” And then all of a sudden it got this amazing reaction. Like, to be in that theater for the eight minute standing ovation, and to film these guys, and to catch it and know everything that they’ve gone up to… the fact that six hours before then, they all just wanted to get on a plane and go home because they thought it was gonna go terribly bad…

    JOEY: It was kinda fun for us, because we were stoked. We had never been there. We’re like, “Fuck yeah, this is hot, we’re in fucking Cannes,” you know, and having a good time, and Kevin’s like, “Meh, whatever.”

    ZAK: I think Scott got more enjoyment out of watching Joey and I. Because we were like two kids going to…

    JOEY: Chuck E Cheese or some shit.

    ZAK: Yeah, like, for the very first time. And Scott’s like, “I’ve been here before, but to watch you guys, and you guys are making a movie, and you guys are here for the first time in the south of France during the world’s more prestigious film festival and all that shit…” Scott kind of enjoyed watching us throughout the entire thing.

    KEN PLUME: So, in other words, Scott could have made a documentary about the two of you at Cannes.

    JOEY: The publicist that was assigned to us basically gave us a VIP pass type all access thing, but they only agreed to let us on the carpet with the rest of the photographers – the cameras on the carpet and whatnot – but we really wanted to film inside the theater, and she’s like, “They’re not allowing anybody inside the theater. They never do allow video cameras inside the theater. But go ahead and do it until they tell you not to. Just do whatever you want, and if they give you a problem, they’ll come see me, and they’ll just ask you to leave.”

    ZAK: She was totally on our side. It was like a guerilla filmmaker. It was fuckin’ outstanding.

    JOEY: Which made it really cool because when the movie was over, and they started clapping, Kevin didn’t even realize we were in there filming. I jumped on the stage and was shooting from one angle, and Zak was shooting from the back angle, and we’re covering this whole moment, and then Jen looks over the stage and sees me and they start waving, and then Kevin looks over and he’s like, “Holy shit! They’re filming this!” And it was like, “They caught this moment on tape,” which was awesome, and he didn’t even expect this… we didn’t expect to be in there. Which made it like… hey, you can go back home and tell everybody you got an eight minute standing, and they’ll be like, “yeah yeah yeah.” But now we got the fuckin’ proof to back it up. You know what I mean? It was a really cool moment.

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    KEN PLUME: What I found equally as fascinating – and I could tell you did as well, while filming it – was the look on Harvey Weinstein’s face.

    JOEY: That look on Harvey’s face said it all. It just looked like… he was just kinda like, “wow.” You know?

    ZAK: I didn’t even know he was there until I started to cut the footage together, ’cause Joey told me. I actually cut some footage while we were in Cannes. We would shoot all day then at night we’d go back to the hotel room and I would edit. And Joe was like, “Did you get the footage of Harvey?” I’m like, “What the hell are you talking about?” “Dude, fuckin’ Harvey was sitting right there with the biggest smile on his face, and he was a cheerleader in the whole thing and I got it.” All of a sudden I start going through the footage and fuckin’ A, there’s Harvey right behind Rosario. It so fuckin’ great to get that son of a bitch there.

    JOEY: Kevin actually said that he wanted to go outside and smoke. You can see him reach for his smokes and wanting to go out, and Harvey was like, “Don’t move.”

    ZAK: “Enjoy this. Don’t move. Enjoy this.”

    JOEY: It was a pretty surreal moment and it was cool and we’re glad we got it. And that moment right there was worth the whole trip. Everything else was just kinda like gravy on top of the fucking potatoes, you know?

    ZAK: Totally.

    JOEY: That moment right there was the whole trip.

    KEN PLUME: The two of you having been there… five years of history, from Jersey Girl through Fletch and Green Hornet and Clerks 2… Was there any moment in doing the shooting for the documentary that completely caught you off guard? That was a complete surprise to you? Something you learned that you had no idea actually happened during that period when you were pretty much front seat to most of this stuff…

    JOEY: I don’t know, give me a moment to think…

    ZAK: I don’t know if there was a moment that totally caught me off guard. I had kind of a moment of realization of how special this moment is, but it’s not on tape. It was a total personal moment between all of us. It was directly after the movie screened at Cannes. We had the eight minute standing ovation. Anything else we shot was kinda pointless. We all went back to the Hotel Martinez. The cast, everybody, and there was champagne. Kevin’s not a drinker. Kevin doesn’t drink. And Kevin was a bit tipsy from the champagne. Everybody was hugging each other and all that kinda stuff. There was one moment I wish I’d got on tape, which we kinda cover in Snowball Effect – in Snowball Effect, when Kevin and Scott were at Cannes for Clerks, they were on a boat with Simon Le Bon and they said they kinda had this moment where, “Hey, we’re on a boat in the middle of the South of France with the lead singer of Duran Duran. How fuckin’ surreal is this shit?” Well, when we got back to the Hotel Martinez, everybody’s drinking champagne, we got this eight minute standing ovation, it’s been this long thing, it’s fuckin’ amazing. All of a sudden somebody goes, “Hey, look who’s over there. Look who’s sitting down.” And they go, “Who?” “It’s fuckin’ Simon Le Bon.” We’re like, “Fuck! Somebody get a goddamn camera! Where’s the fuckin’ camera?” We wanted to get a still camera, but by the time we got a still camera, he left. So it was like, “Ah, fuck.” That was the one thing we missed.

    KEN PLUME: Maybe there’s not a real Simon Le Bon?

    JOEY: There’s a series of clones running around Europe!

    ZAK: Like, “There’s Kevin & Scott. Get the Simon clone.”

    KEN PLUME: Maybe Simon’s like The Mothman.

    ZAK: Totally. Totally! But that was one of those moments where it was just like… it was almost kinda like this… I mean, for Joe & I, after going through Snowball Effect, and then going through that, it was kinda like this thing had come full circle at that point.

    JOEY: What I think you were trying to ask is have we learned anything or found anything new storywise that we didn’t know about Kevin, Scott, or any of View Askew, the company… anything. To answer that question, I would say just the fact that you just… it’s not like you learn something new, it’s like you just kinda bring it home that these guys are fucking… cool. You know what I mean? It’s hard to explain. It’s like hanging out with your friends. And you just kinda, like… every moment, it’s almost like… you feel like it’s thievery. It’s like, “We’re getting paid to fucking do this? Are you kiddin’ me?” You know? It almost makes you wonder like, “What does a person with a real job do?”

    ZAK: And plus it’s almost like you get to document your friends on this journey. Basically we pick up with Scott, a documentary of him basically wanting to leave, like I said before. And then now, after going through Clerks 2, Scott’s got this thing to where he’s ready to make another movie. Scott kinda found…

    JOEY: He said it recharged his batteries. He got back to that moment of the original Clerks where there’s it’s just a few guys, some buddies making a fuckin’ movie for not that much money. And that’s kinda like the feeling that everybody got after making this movie.

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    ZAK: And it seems that for Scott & Kevin, Clerks 2 helped them find the place where they are most comfortable and can be the most creative. With smaller budgets, with smaller crews. It’s more personal. They can tell more personal stories and they don’t have to worry about shit they had to worry about on Jersey Girl, or were going to worry about on Green Hornet. They know it’s like, “Look, this is what we like to do, this is what we want to do, this is what we’re fuckin’ good at. We can still take chances. And it’s fun again.” Which is what it wasn’t since Jersey Girl. They know what they want to do, and they know how to do it, and they can have fun with it. And for them, and them being our friends, it’s kinda like – they’re at a place… and us as friends looking at them, it’s like we’re extremely happy, number one, for them, but number two that we were actually able to capture that for some of the fans.

    KEN PLUME: Tell me a little bit about Chop Shop Entertainment…

    JOEY: Chop Shop basically was a company that we started just recently, and it was specifically started for this project. That’s because when we got our budget, it was easier for The Weinstein Company just to cut us a check and not deal with us until we’re done, basically.

    ZAK: As actual employees.

    JOEY: As actual employees instead of like, you know, us having to ask them “we need to buy this, we need to rent this.” And usually it’s like, okay, then we gotta do the invoices and they gotta go through this chain of paperwork, and then we get the money, and then blah blah blah. It’s really easy for them just to say, “Look, set up a company, we’ll cut you a check, do your fuckin’ documentary.” That’s how we got started, as far as like Chop Shop goes. Now, Chop Shop is something we’re trying to build into something a little larger, doing the same shit.

    ZAK: Yeah. Basically what our things was, like Joe said, Chop Shop started off… we didn’t have a five year business plan. We didn’t have an idea. Joe and I just want to make movies and do our own thing and all that kinda stuff, and it presented itself to where it’s like, well, do it now, because now is when you have everything. And the great thing about The Weinstein Company, like Joe said, they basically wrote us a check and said go make your movie. There was nothing from the studio that said, “You know, we have to watch footage every couple weeks, we have to see what you guys are doing.” Now, granted, because of the Train Wrecks they knew what we were doing and they knew we weren’t just throwing the money away on coke and whores.

    JOEY: Just some of it.

    ZAK: Yeah, just a little bit. But the best thing about it was is that through this process, Joe and I have formed Chop Shop now, and what we want to do is what we did for Kevin and Scott – we want to talk to other filmmakers and to other studios. Because not only can we do these things for the internet, to get things out for fans – not necessarily just like Train Wrecks – but we’d like to do more informational ones and more technical ones and shit like that. But also to do the documentaries, so they chopshop2006-11-15-12.jpghave things to put on the internet as promotion to get fans excited about, but also to get new fans to come to the sites and go, “I wanna go see that movie.” And then when the DVDs come out, they then can have a feature length documentary, or a series of documentary shorts, that are more in-depth, that fans haven’t seen before, so that buying that DVD – which is now the studio’s number one priority money maker… studios make more money on DVDs than they do with the feature film release. So it’s the number one cash cow for those guys. They always want to try to make ’em better – or at least most studios do. So if we can do that; do what we want to do, help out the filmmaker, help out the studio, and then make some money at the same time, it would be outstanding. King Kong with Peter Jackson, those guys did an outstanding job. Those are the ones that I look to as being outstanding. They’re entertaining, they’re informative – it got people, in my opinion, to want to see that movie. It kept fans entertained and it brought more people over. Bryan Singer started to do it with Superman and then bailed out, which I heard his crew basically… they were falling out of fuckin’ windows and all kinds of crazy shit. I really feel bad for those guys. Now at the same time, it’s Joe and me. Joe and I did pretty much everything on the Train Wrecks and on the documentary except for the music on the documentary. Danny Sternbaum did that and he did an amazing job. So if we can keep our overhead low, bring the creative, bring the business, and do all that kinda stuff, I would love to see Chop Shop do things for other studios and other filmmakers. Like, if we can get to the Jerry Bruckheimers of the world, the Steven Spielbergs, get involved in their projects – because a lot of times, especially now with the internet, which is what helped Kevin out with the Train Wrecks, you can avoid spoilers just by having your own stuff out there. Kevin was able to fend off people ruining the beginning and end of Clerks through the Train Wrecks. We had fire trucks out there. The Quick Stop was burning. Then the Quick Stop was rebuilt. But because we had the Train Wrecks we were kinda able to throw people off the path. Now, I don’t want to say I’m lying to people…

    KEN PLUME: No. But you’re satiating that natural curiosity that people have about a project that’s interesting to them.

    ZAK: Totally. And other studios are starting to catch on. James Bond has done a few things. But I think what people are sick and tired of seeing is the standard EPK. The stuff you see on Entertainment Tonight, and, “Oh, it’s so great working with,” you know, “Tom Cruise. It’s so outstanding.”

    KEN PLUME: Where everyone’s obviously asked the exact same question and coached in the answer.

    ZAK: It’s the exact same questions, it’s the exact same B-roll. Now, if you can do that same thing but have Tom Cruise talking to the camera – have Tom Cruise talk to the fans directly and say, “This is our set.” Like, if it was on War of the Worlds and you have Tom Cruise standing in front of the 747 that’s on fire that just crashed into a fuckin’ house, that’s something right there. Now, if you want to hold onto that footage, you can totally do something else with it. There’s a million things you can do with it for promotion, for DVD, to keep the fans happy. ‘Cause that’s the one thing I think a lot of studios forget, they just put out the EPK to do everything. You want to keep the fans happy. Filmmaking has changed because of the internet. Now, whether you want to call it piracy or whatever, I don’t think you want to look at piracy as the unsung enemy. I think you want to look at that as the competition. And how you’re going to beat that, as the competition, is to load it up what you got with everything else… The internet webisodes, the documentaries… anything like that. Anything that you can do on there that’s creative, informative, and entertaining…

    KEN PLUME: Well, you’re creating an experience…

    ZAK: That’s what Chop Shop wants to do for everybody else, including Kevin.

    KEN PLUME: Right. And you’re creating an experience instead of what a lot of these guys are trying to do now, which is do it after the fact. You’re doing it in real time as the film is being put together, instead of having – after the fact – people going, “Did anyone catch anything?”

    ZAK: Totally.

    JOEY: And also real quick, once the studios figure out that for the price of a fucking Sunday ad in a Sunday newspaper you can get hours of what is basically commercials with the video blog, that are gonna live on the internet forever…

    ZAK: Now, for Clerks 2, Chop Shop put together four-and-a-half hours of Train Wrecks. We also did an hour-and-a-half documentary. We shot the EPK. We basically did everything for that. Now, when you put out an ad in the Sunday Times, it would have been more expensive than everything that we did for a year. I don’t want to run the numbers for everybody, because we’ve still got rent to pay. It makes more sense, though, and you can reach more people and get more people, than you can for just the stuff that everyone else is doing. I think the studios are afraid of the internet because they don’t know what’s there. And they don’t know how to control it.

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    KEN PLUME: One of the biggest keys, though – when you talk about four-and-a-half hours of Train Wrecks, that was, what, 40 weeks?

    JOEY: It was 48, almost 50 weeks.

    KEN PLUME: That’s the big comparison I see as well, is that it’s not just a Sunday newspaper in a specific location, let’s say in New York or LA, that runs on one day and you’re hoping to capture the audience in that one shot… this is stuff that not only exists in perpetuity, but also will run over the course of a huge span of time, providing constant promotion for the project.

    JOEY: Exactly.

    ZAK: Totally. And in some realms it will live longer than that. Like the Clerks 2 DVD comes out in three weeks. All those Train Wrecks clips are still on the Clerks 2 site for people to go see. They’re still available on iTunes. They’re on YouTube. Those Inaction figure shorts, they’re still on Quick Stop Entertainment, they’re still on YouTube. That promotion is still there, still keeping awareness out for people when the DVD comes out.

    JOEY: We’ve had over 10 million downloads of the Train Wrecks. It’s like, compare that to a newspaper ad. A newspaper ad, whatever the circulation may be, let’s say for instance 10 million people do see that ad. Well, the next day, some puppy dog is taking a shit, being potty trained on the Sunday ad. You know what I mean? The commercials on the internet are still rolling – but for the same, or less, amount of money.

    ZAK: Plus, you can’t take that newspaper ad and put it on your iPod. You can’t put it on your computer. You can’t put it on your favorites on your computer.

    KEN PLUME: You could but the glue would probably ruin it.

    ZAK: It’s something that lives and it breathes and it keeps going and it keeps doing exactly what it’s supposed to do.

    JOEY: And at the end of the day, the studio’s going to get a kick ass DVD, you know?

    ZAK: That’s the key for us, is you can take all this shit, and you can put it on the DVD. You can put it on a separate DVD.

    JOEY: Yeah, it serves two purposes. It serves as promotion for the movie, the whole run of the pre-production, production and post-production. Get the people involved and happy and looking forward to this flick if they’re interested or whatnot. And at the end of the day, you can load up the DVD with all these extras.

    ZAK: It’s not the standard “making of” you see on HBO. You’re getting something more. You’re getting more into the insight of the filmmaker. The making of a movie. The personalization of it. And when you spend your 20 bucks on it, you don’t feel ripped off.

    KEN PLUME: Not just that; you also have something that – going back to the sort of emergence of DVD and everyone scrambling to find stuff – you have an entire production documented with footage that can be mined for decades to come.

    ZAK: Out of the footage we shot, Joe and I figured we can probably do three more documentaries. Out of the stories, out of everything else, we could do three more documentaries. Like, we’ve already made jokes about, but one day it might be true, on the Clerks 2 10th anniversary DVD, doing an entirely new documentary out of the footage. Like, it’s totally possible. And it wouldn’t be a crappy documentary, either. It’d be really good. We just had to pick the stories that we felt were relevant at the time to telling the story. We’ve got so many others that we can go into. We can totally do another DVD just out of the footage that we have, as a supplemental, or as the one that stands alone five years from now. It’s a wellspring that I don’t think anybody has really thought about. And the other cool thing about the internet that I didn’t bring up, is you’re able to address stuff as it happens. If something happens at 11:00 that morning… this happened once or twice, where we wanted to get something on the net immediately. Kevin would say, “I want to put something on the net right now.” We would shoot his intro at 11:00, and by 4:00 I was uploading it to the server so that it could be up for 5:00 when people got home from work. That’s something that you don’t have with the newspaper. Something you don’t have with a regular article. It’s something that you can go all-out, boom, and it’s automatic. You can address something as it happens.

    chopshop2006-11-15-14.jpg

    KEN PLUME: So I guess the big question would be to ask, what’s next?

    JOEY: Well, we had some stuff going on where Kevin threw us this idea of shooting an in-depth documentary for the Chasing Amy 10th anniversary release. That’s kind of in a holding pattern right now for reasons we really shouldn’t even be talking about.

    ZAK: We’ve got two projects with Kevin. This is the official one. We have two projects with Kevin that we would… actually more like three… that we’re talking about doing right now, but we’ve got to wait for things like money and contracts and all that kinda stuff, and then there’s a couple other people that we just started talking to, because they’re really pleased at the way the documentary’s turned out, and the Train Wrecks. So we’re trying to get it out there, and we’re trying to get it together. We just got our website up, that Ming from View Askew is helping us out with, and we’re trying to get that up and get that running.

    JOEY: It’s a temporary site right now but Ming’s kinda diving into it pretty soon. He’s been real busy with all these screenings and whatnot.

    ZAK: And then it’s basically putting together packages and trying to get in touch with filmmakers to say, “You got movies coming up – we can help you. And it’s not gonna cost you an arm and a leg, and you’re gonna be extremely pleased and happy with it at the end of it, and your movie will make more money because of it.”

    KEN PLUME: What’s the URL again?

    ZAK: Oh, it’s chopshopentertainment.com

    KEN PLUME: So at what point are you two going to kill each other in some kind of Thunderdome battle?

    ZAK: (laughing) It’s almost happened a couple times.

    JOEY: Yeah, it’s almost happened a few times.

    ZAK: Joe has a tendency to stand over my shoulder when I edit. And I can’t stand it. It drives me insane. But out of the….

    KEN PLUME: Does he poke you and say, “Are we there yet?”

    ZAK: Well, that’s the thing – out of the 10 things that he’ll tell me, five of them in my opinion will be completely bullshit, but then the other five I totally reluctantly have to agree to.

    KEN PLUME: I’ll bet Paul Simon said the exact same thing to Art Garfunkel.

    ZAK: Joe and I have worked with each other for the last 10 years, pretty much, and we’ve been friends, and we’ve always hung out, and we always had a thing with film. And I think we’re one of the few partners in town who can actually work together and get along and have a friendship at the same time. Some people have said, “You know, it’s a very Scott & Kevin kinda thing,” but we spend more time with each other than Scott & Kevin do. Which shows when the booze comes out…

    JOEY: Not in a gay way.

    ZAK: Yeah, it’s totally…

    KEN PLUME: It’s good that you had to clarify that.

    ZAK: Once or twice we’ve gone at each other’s throats but I think that’s totally expected…

    JOEY: We chalk that up to alcohol sometimes.

    ZAK: Booze is a big help in going at each other’s throats, because your nuts grow really big.

    JOEY: Yeah.

    KEN PLUME: So who would win in a fight?

    ZAK: Joe.

    JOEY: No, I think Zak would.

    ZAK: I’m bigger. I’m like 6’4, 290. But Joe wears a lot of rings. So it’s kinda like wearing brass knuckles.

    JOEY: I’m closer to the nuts. I can get there faster.

    KEN PLUME: So, in other words, Joe would use the Jack Sparrow technique.

    ZAK: Yeah, we always say if there’s gonna be a fight, I’m not gonna do John Wayne – I’m gonna pull hair, bite, scratch… I’d hit you over the head with a fuckin’ chair… but the thing is he’s faster…

    KEN PLUME: I somehow get this vision of Mongo from Blazing Saddles

    ZAK: Dude, you have no idea. (laughing) That’s why I like to sit in front of the Final Cut Pro system. I just sit there and plunk away at keys.

    ———————————————–

    Download Clip #1 – “Rehearsals”:

    • Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 19.22 MB)
    • Small (320 x 240 – QuickTime – 8.51 MB)

    Download Clip #2 – “Make Or Break”:

    • Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 17.73 MB)
    • Small (320 x 240 – QuickTime – 7.86 MB)

    Download Clip #3 – “First Reactions”:

    • Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 19.06 MB)
    • Small (320 x 240 – QuickTime – 8.63 MB)
    chopshop2006-11-15-15.jpg
  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 11/15/2006

    thingamabobs.jpg

    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

    ————————————————

    • Hopefully, Tom Kenny will never see this… (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

    ##

  • DVD Late Show: I Scream, You Scream…

    dvdlateshow.jpg

    November 14, 2006

    Here’s the first half of my ever-timely Halloween horror DVD reviews. (Okay, I know it’s mid-November, but have mercy ““ I’m pedalling as fast as I can!)

    frankenhooker.jpg

    A few years ago, my pal Jim and I were hanging out one boring evening when we decided ““ as we often did ““ to rent a movie. On the way to the video store, I asked him what kind of movie he was in the mood for. “Something funny,” he said. “And scary. With naked girls. And explosions.”

    I said, “Have I got the movie for you.”

    Now, that film, Frank Henenlotter’s delightfully twisted horror comedy, FRANKENHOOKER (1990), has finally received a decent DVD release with a new special edition from Unearthed Films.

    When the fiancée of suburban New Jersey native Jeffrey Franken (James Lorinz) is dismembered and killed in a freak lawn mower accident, the aspiring mad scientist saves her head and conceives a bizarre plan to bring his beloved Elizabeth (pretty Patty Mullen) back to life. After a visit to New York City and a pre-Guliani Times Square, he decides to use the body parts of prostitutes to build a new body for Elizabeth. Securing the necessary raw materials (in a hilariously grotesque manner), he successfully resurrects his girlfriend, only to have her head straight for 42nd Street to turn some (deadly) tricks!

    Cult fave director Henenlotter’s (BASKET CASE) last film to date is a deliriously funny flick that pays respectful homage to the Frankenstein movies of the past while simultaneously wallowing in crude, lowbrow humor and unabashedly exploitative sex and gore. The special effects are decidedly rubbery and cartoonish, but that doesn’t make them any less fun; in fact, the unreality of the effects adds to the overall loony tunes feel of the film. Hell, what other movie offers the visual spectacle of exploding prostitutes?

    Previously released by budget label Simitar in a full-frame, slightly edited version, FRANKENHOOKER has now been given the full fledged special edition treatment by Unearthed Films, beginning with a flawless, uncut, 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer. In addition, the unrated disc includes a great audio commentary track from director Henenlotter and Gabe Bartalos, and on-screen interviews with Patty Mullen (who looks even more beautiful today than she did in ’90) and actress Jennifer Delora, who played one of the hookers in the film. Delora also contributes her scrapbook photos to the package. Rounding it off, there’s also a behind-the-scenes featurette on the film’s special effects, the theatrical trailer, and a production still gallery.

    FRANKENHOOKER is one of the best horror comedies, and well worth your time and money. Highly recommended.

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    Here’s what I liked about James Gunn’s directorial debut, SLITHER (2006):

    It wasn’t a remake of a 70’s horror film. The majority of the cast members were over 21 years old. It was rated R. It was fast-paced, funny, gory, and even grossed me out a few times.

    When a meteor crashes to Earth near a small, rural community, releasing a swarm of fast-moving slug-like creatures which can enter and take over human hosts, Sheriff Bill Pardy (Nathan Fillion, SERENITY) and his Barney Fife-esque deputies must stop the alien parasites from taking over the world.

    Borrowing heavily from such films as THE THING, INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, and especially, the underrated 80’s gem, NIGHT OF THE CREEPS, writer-director James Gunn (screenwriter of the DAWN OF THE DEAD remake and the SCOOBY DOO movies), has managed to pull together a fright flick that works extremely well, despite it’s lack of originality. The cast is top-notch, with great, darkly humorous performances by Fillion, Elizabeth Banks, and especially, genre vet Michael Rooker (HENRY-PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER) in a particularly challenging role. Worth mentioning are the special effects, which are particularly well done, nicely combining on-set animatronics and prosthetic make-ups with deftly executed CGI.

    Gunn manages to keep the pace brisk, wringing some genuine suspense out of the escalating alien slug invasion, and mining some choice black comedy nuggets from his characters and situations. And if the jokes are occasionally a bit too broad or lowbrow, we must remember that Mr. Gunn got his start at Troma, working with Lloyd Kaufman on such cinematic wonders as TROMEO AND JULIET. (A clip from Troma’s TOXIC AVENGER is briefly glimpsed on a TV screen in one scene. It’s a nice touch.)

    Universal has done a fine job on the DVD, too. The film is given a startlingly sharp 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer and a booming Dolby Digital 5.1 sound mix. The plentiful extras include several deleted scenes (including Lloyd Kaufman’s cut cameo), some extended scenes, a hilarious gag reel, the “Who’s Bill Pardy” featurette, a video set tour with Nathan Fillion, a “Making Of” documentary, a high-spirited audio commentary with Gunn and Fillion”¦ and a few surprises.

    It may not be a great flick, but even with its faults, it’s probably the best new horror film I’ve seen this year. Check it out.

    thewoods.jpg

    Back in 2002, director Lucky McKee’s first feature, MAY, generated some good reviews and strong word of mouth, and even got him invited into Showtime’s MASTERS OF HORROR directorial talent pool. Unfortunately, his second feature film, THE WOODS (2005), became embroiled in arcane studio politics and was shelved for over a year before finally making it’s belated debut on DVD.

    And that’s a real shame, because while the movie isn’t a classic, it’s a lot better than most of the direct-to-disc horror movies out there, and probably would have been very well received if it had gotten a theatrical release.

    Set in 1965 New England, a troubled girl, Heather Fasulo (Agnes Bruckner, VENOM), experiences mysterious occurrences in the forest surrounding the prestigious but isolated Falburn Academy, an exclusive girl’s school run by the somewhat sinister headmistress, Ms. Traverse (Patricia Clarkson, THE DEAD POOL). First she seems to hear voices in the trees, then her classmates begin disappearing in the night, leaving only dry, dead leaves in their beds, and Heather suspects that she may be the next to go missing. Unfortunately, it looks like escaping that terrifying fate may be impossible, even when her estranged parents (Bruce Campbell, THE EVIL DEAD, and Emma Campbell, FEARDOTCOM) come to take her home”¦

    Beautifully shot by John R. Leonetti, and sensitively directed by McKee, THE WOODS is an atmospheric, low key horror film that eschews gory shocks in favor of strong performances and a steadily building sense of dread. The cast is uniformly excellent, with Bruckner’s shining performance as Heather giving the weird events a solid anchor. Bruce Campbell atypically and effectively underplays his role as her concerned father, and Clarkson projects both authority and menace in equal measure.

    Sony has unceremoniously tossed the movie onto the marketplace with no support or extra effort whatsoever. The bare-bones disc features a gorgeous 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer (along with a disgraceful full-frame pan-and-scan option), and a robust Dolby Digital 5.1 audio mix. That’s it.

    While Sony may not recognize it, THE WOODS is a superior supernatural chiller and deserves to be seen. Recommended.

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    For several years now, I’ve been hearing how the makers of the no-budget indie hit, THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT “ripped off” THE LAST BROADCAST (1998). Well, now Heretic Films has re-released the film as a special edition, and I’ve finally been able to check it out for myself.

    According to the film, on December 15th, 1995, a four-man team from a cable access program called “Fact or Fiction” headed out into the New Jersey Pine Barrens to shoot a live broadcast about the legendary Jersey Devil. Only one returned. State police later found the bodies of two of the missing three and the lone survivor was convicted of their murders and sentenced to life in prison. But is he truly guilty?

    Presented as a documentary investigation of the case, comprised of interviews with “experts and “found video footage” supposedly shot by the victims, the movie does bear a superficial resemblance to THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, which came out a year later. But the devil’s in the details, as they say, and ultimately the two movies are quite different. While THE LAST BROADCAST starts out promisingly, the premise doesn’t really pay off in any satisfactory manner. The “surprise” ending makes no sense at all, and thus, has little impact.

    Heretic’s new special edition is quite nice, though, presenting the movie in its original full-frame format, with Dolby Digital 2.0 sound. The supplemental features include two commentary tracks with co-directors Stefan Avalos and Lance Weiler, behind-the-scenes documentaries on the production, post production and distribution of the film, and several video interviews with the makers of THE LAST BROADCAST. Heretic has also included an extensive still gallery and trailers for some of their other releases.

    It’s not a bad film, and it does deliver a few chills and surprises, but overall, I didn’t think it quite matched its reputation. You might disagree. I can say, though, that if you’re a fan of the film or just curious, Heretic Films’ DVD is a superior package.

    silenthill.jpg

    Based on a popular video game, Christopher Gans’ SILENT HILL (2006) is an atmospheric, visually striking film, that nonetheless feels a bit hollow.

    In fact, it feels very much like watching someone else play a video game.

    The story (secreenplay by Roger Avery), which I’m told is quite faithful to the game, goes something like this: Rose (Radha Mitchell, MAN ON FIRE) is a mother who takes her adopted daughter to the ghost town of Silent Hill, in a desperate attempt to cure the young girl’s strange emotional and mental problems. But Silent Hill is not like any other town on Earth. Seemingly abandoned and constantly shrouded in smoke and drifting ash from underground fires, the town may or may not exist in another reality altogether. When Rose and her child are separated, she must search the eerie town and attempt to unravel its secrets.

    In the course of the film, Rose must solve riddles, decipher clues and avoid terrifying creatures ““ creatures which never seem to have any plot purpose but to be avoided. There’s fiery baby demons, disfigured wanderers, an armored stalking knightmare, and scary nurses (yeah, I said nurses) ““ all well rendered with state-of-the-art CGI, but rarely relevant to the story. Of course, the town’s dark secrets are eventually revealed, but the backstory is so elaborate and convoluted that while I think I understand it, I’m not entirely sure.

    On the plus side, the performances are quite good, and the movie does succeed in creating an unearthly “reality” that is genuinely unsettling. On every technical level, the film shines, with astounding visuals and a decidedly effective use of sound effects and music. But it still feels empty.

    Sony/TriStar’s DVD presents the movie in a perfect 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer, accompanied by a haunting Dolby 5.1 sound mix. It’s not overloaded with supplements, but there’s an informative and engaging 6-part “making of” documentary and trailers for other Sony releases.

    If you’re a fan of the game, you’re probably going to enjoy the film more than I did, but I can still recommend the film to horror fans for its overall creepiness and memorable visuals. Check it out.

    Next time, we’ll be looking at some recent “classic horror” releases: THE INNER SANCTUM MYSTERIES starring Lon Chaney Jr., two BORIS KARLOFF collections, FRANKENSTEIN: THE TRUE STORY, and THE GROOVIE GOOLIES: SATURDAY MOURNING COLLECTION. In the weeks ahead, I’ve got some great drive-in action fare on tap, as well as a whole slew of dirty movies. Stay tuned.

    Comments about this column or DVD-related questions? Feel free to contact me at dvdlateshow@atomicpulp.com.

  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 11/14/2006

    thingamabobs.jpg

    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

    ————————————————

    • When the world is getting you down, nothing’s better than a baby panda. (Thingamabob)
    • Why do the Germans get all the great animators on their talk shows? (Thingamabob)
    • Jerry Seinfeld in a bee costume. ‘Nuff said. (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

    ##

  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 11/13/2006

    thingamabobs.jpg

    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

    ————————————————

    • Comedian Phill Jupitus blogs touring with the reformed Bonzo Dog Band. (Thingamabob)
    • The end of an era, courtest of Keith Olbermann… (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

    ##

  • Spook’d #103: Extreme Lair Makeover – That Secret Room

    by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee

    Larger sized comic | ARCHIVES | OLDER ARCHIVES

    Spook'd #103: That Secret Room

    To see Spook’d host Alastor’s blogging silliness and more fun Spook’d stuff,visit the Spook’d Web site!

    Check out the preview to…

    E-MAIL WRITER | ABOUT JEFF | ABOUT SETH | SPOOK’D BLOG | SPOOK’D FORUM | ARCHIVES | OLDER ARCHIVES

    Disclaimer: All material in Spook’d is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.