Author: UncaScroogeMcD

  • Nocturnal Admissions: DVD Review – Beowulf

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    One of the best DVD videos you are likely to see this year is a solo production of Beowulf. Yes, Beowulf.

    Philip Larkin is reputed to have moaned a litany of the turgid works of English literature that he was forced to study in college, each more boring than its predecessor, in defiance of chronology and mounting sophistication, works from Beowulf to Paradise Lost. Today, in the popular imagination Beowulf is just a Woody Allen punch line. But once upon a time there was a thing called literature, then in its infancy. It dealt with the doings of great men, men the auditors of this “literature” were meant to admire, literature in those days being spoken, or rather sung, by roving scops, who were rewarded with food and shelter for their efforts. History was presumed to be scripted by great men doing great things, and their deeds needed recording so that the public could know how they got where they were now, and perhaps appreciate it. Though just as influenced by his Roman and Greek antecedents, Shakespeare surely, whether consciously or not, maintained the same vigilant scrutiny of the masters, it being easier to tell tales of mass appeal when the characters are “known” and their doings of vast importance. Over time, the masses were taught to read, it being believed that this would make them better employees. In the event, it increased their appetite for stories (and political change), and when the novel was the art form, it still told of the doings of the great. Eventually, the professors took over, and literature became a game, one designed to thwart the efforts of the dominant society to “inscribe” within the “text” the prevailing and imprisoning ideology. Thus taught, students of this new “literature” go on to write what they know, which is about seduction at the hands of their hypocritical professors.

    Beowulf lies at the very birth of this literature as we know it, or at least once knew it. Though most people affect boredom with the poem, it has had a great and insinuating influence. Tolkien, for example, translated Beowulf (that’s where he got the noun Orcs), and its impact on the most popular film cycle so far of the 21st century is pronounced. Another contemporary fascinated by the text is Benjamin Bagby, a Medievalist and musician, whose musical ensemble, Sequentia, formed in 1977, recreates music from all periods of the pre-recording era. Starting in 1990, Bagby began mounting solo performances of Beowulf, accompanying himself on an Anglo-Saxon harp, a long, thin square of hollowed out wood with short strings attached.

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    I know this is going to sound a little PBSy, but Bagby’s performance is amazing. He doesn’t read the poem, so much as sing it, to melodies that emerged to him over the course of his study of the work (the music can even change from performance to performance). Bagby’s voice is a beautiful instrument, capable of doing almost anything, and his interpretation of the poem inspires a wide range of emotions, but wistful romanticism to rage in battle. Bagby’s stated goal is to recreate the experience of the poem as medieval audiences might have from a traveling storyteller. Bagby is utterly engaging, despite the fact that he is sing-speaking a poem in an early form of English that sounds Scandanavian.

    Bagby captures the masculine urgency otherwise invisible in the lines on the page. Following along with the subtitles, the viewer is dropped into the mead halls and battlefields via Bagby’s marvelous instruments, both the harp and his voice. Listening, one realizes how the TV show 24 gets it right. By concentrating on the doings, both nefarious and well-meaning, of our leaders, their court battles and their power jockeying retinues, the show’s creators have made a suspenseful show that in essence harks back to the concerns of the theatrical literature from the Greeks to Shakespeare.

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    Beowulf captures on video Bagby’s performance of the poem in a Swedish culture center. Sitting the whole time, his harp on his left thigh, a subtly lighted blue curtain behind him, the full emphasis of the show falls on Bagby’s voice and facial expressions. which carry us powerfully through the narrative, indeed making us see that it is powerful. It’s one huge song. You may not understand the words, but then, how many songs have you heard on the radio without understanding the words?

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    This disc from Koch Lorber, which hit the street February 13th for $29.95, comes with two extras, each about 20 minutes long, neither of which explain how Bagby fell in love with Beowulf. In the first, Bagby is joined in a bookstore called the Poet’s House in New York, by three scholars, Mark Amodio Vassar, John Miles Foley of the University of Missouri, and Thomas Cable of the University of Texas, who served as a close advisor to Bagby in his creation of the stage show. They discuss the likely genesis and history of the poem, Cable guessing that it might have been written down by a monk remembering performances from his youth.

    In the second extra, Bagby attempts to answer the difficult question of how he comes up with the music and melody of his piece. In the end, it is unanswerable because it is so embedded in his process, but he at least does go into detail about the structure and unusual facets of his harp.

  • QSE News: 4/2/2007

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    Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

    • qsnews.jpgThe Will Ferrell vehicle Blade of Glory was number one at the box office this past weekend, raking in more than $30 million. The film’s originality and success will surely spawn a number of copycat films in which downtrodden athletes battle against the odds to become champions.
    • Cillian Murphy has joined the cast of the upcoming film The Best Time of Our Lives. Murphy will star alongside Keira Knightley, Matthew Rhys and Lindsay Lohan. The film will begin shooting later this year after Lohan has “the best time of her life” leading to another rehab stint.
    • In other casting news, actor Luke Goss has been cast in Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. The casting of Goss came as a complete surprise to many as no one is quite sure who Luke Goss is.
    • Director Richard Donner is teaming up with comic writer Geoff Johns to create a comic sequel to the hit movie The Goonies. The book with follow the young adventurers as they search for the lost career of Corey Feldman.
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    That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

    (Compiled by J. Allen)

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  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 4/2/2007

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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    • Sid Caesar, Carl Reiner, & Howie Morris… (Thingamabob)
    • Ricky Gervais meets Garry Shandling – the highlights… (Thingamabob)
    • Where are my It’s Garry Shandling’s Show DVDs????… (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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  • Weekend Shopping Guide 3/30/07: Werewolves Of London

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    The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

    I can think of no better way to spend this weekend than kicking back and making my way through a few dozen listens of the new Warren Zevon remasters. Not only have we got a pristine edition of his legendary album Excitable Boy (Rhino, $18.98 SRP) – featuring “Werewolves of London”, “Roland The Headless Thompson Gunner”, “Lawyers, Guns And Money”, and the still-shocking title track – but we’ve got a pair of previously unreleased on CD gems, The Envoy and the live Stand In The Fire ($11.98 SRP each). All 3 discs features a nice selection of bonus tracks, but the real delight are the albums themselves. Viva la Zevon!

    With the DVD release of Batman and Superman’s animated adventures already wrapped, it’s with a measure of sadness that the release of the third seasons of Justice League Unlimited & Batman Beyond (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$26.98 SRP each) mark the official end of the Bruce Timm version of the DC Universe (those new direct-to-videos don’t count, as they’re heavily influenced by the talentless bastard currently running Warner Animation… but I digress). Both of these 2-disc sets features creator interviews, featurettes, and more (but surpassingly no audio commentaries).

    You might think that you’ll be drown in saccharine smarm watching a flick about a black sheep penguin who’s unable to sing a note in tune in an Antarctic penguin society that relies upon song (popular tunes, no less!) for their courting rituals. As if that didn’t make him enough of an outcast, young Mumble (Elijah Wood) does have a talent – for dance. Eventually kicked out of his Emperor penguin society, he sets out to find his place in the world, accompanied by a ragtag, fun-loving group of Adelie penguins (most of which are voiced by Robin Williams). But here’s the shock, for those of you thinking Happy Feet (Warner Bros., Rated PG, DVD-$28.98 SRP) would give you insulin shock – it’s actually a fun, enjoyable flick. Imagine that? Bonus features include a pair of new animated sequences, music videos, a private dance lesson with Savion Glover, and the classic Warner/Tex Avery cartoon “I Love To Singa.”

    Our documentary corner this week features two different looks at childhood. The first is Stagedoor (Docurama, Not Rated, DVD-$26.95 SRP), about the children who attend the Stagedoor Manor theater camp deep in the Catskills, leaving their regular humdrum lives behind and letting their inner diva out for a romp, some of whom hope to follow in the footsteps of famous camp alums like Natalie Portman and Zach Braff. The other doc is Following Sean (Docurama, Not Rated, DVD-$26.95 SRP), which follows up with a 4-year-old flower child who literally spent his late-60’s childhood running barefoot in San Francisco’s Haight-Ashbury. Now in his 30’s, it an interesting perspective on the legacy of the 60’s generation.

    Long before it became fashionable, Victor Meldrew was forced into an early retirement. Unfortunately, his transition into a life of leisure is stymied by the maddening, frustrating world around him, which – with its hypocrisies, lack of logic, ignorance, and indifference – never ceases to get on his nerves. One Foot In The Grave (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$24.98/$29.98 SRP) is one of those modern classics of British Comedy, and Richard Wilson’s Victor Meldrew is as memorable a comic creation as Basil Fawlty or David Brent. By all means, snap up the first two seasons, featuring a total of 12 episodes, the 1990 Christmas special, and a “Britain’s Best Sitcom” featurette.

    Although he’s a bit of a culture lightning rod in his native England, Jeremy Clarkson is one of the most engaging – and often funny – TV presenters I’ve ever run across. Although he’s often to be found on panel shows and presenting a series of historical and cultural documentaries, his main focus is automobiles – reviewing and featuring them. I could care less, really, about cars, but if it’s one of Clarkson’s programs – including the wonderful Top Gear – I can’t help but enjoy it. For the past few year’s, he released an annual home video in which he features his favorite cars, eviscerates his least favorite, and blows things up (usually the objects of his derision). Finally, one of these vids has made its way to the US – Clarkson: Heaven and Hell (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$19.98 SRP), and it is fantastic. Can we have more, please?

    Forest Whitaker arrives on the scene as Lieutenant Jim Kavanaugh in the 5th season of The Shield (Fox, Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP), shaking up an already tense situation in the Barn. Kavanaugh is an internal affairs cop focused on bringing Vic Mackey down – even if it means going through Vic’s ex-wife. This 4-disc set features all 11 episodes, plus audio commentaries, deleted scenes (with optional commentary), behind-the-scenes featurettes, and a season 6 prequel.

     

     

    IMAX films aren’t really about narrative, so let’s just say that the new DVD release of IMAX: Deep Sea (Warner Bros., Rated G, DVD-$27.98 SRP) looks absolutely stunning on my big HDTV. Presenting stunning views of the creatures populating the ocean depths, it’s one of those “oooo” discs that are fun to pop in just for the visual thrill.

     

     

    You gotta love a nice little dystopian future pic – one that gets the inner sci-fi geek rooting for the small glimmer of hope that enters into that world. In Children of Men (Universal, Rated R, DVD-$29.98 SRP), that glimmer of hope is a pregnant woman – in a future (2027, to be exact) where the last human birth occurred 18 years prior and society has largely disintegrated. Clive Owen is tasked with delivering the woman and her unborn charge safely out of the country, potentially saving the human race in the process. Slick and largely satisfying, it’s worth checking out. Bonus materials include an audio commentary, behind-the-scenes featurettes, deleted scenes, and more.

    Another week, another great Teeny Weeny Mini-Maquette from Electric Tiki and Sideshow Collectibles. This week, it’s everyone’s favorite near-sighted septuagenarian, Mr. Magoo ($59.99). As you would expect, the nifty design (courtesy of Tracy Mark Lee) finds Magoo stepping gingerly into the abyss, blissfully unaware of what’s in front of him. The piece is limited to an edition size of 500.

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    As if the Zevon releases weren’t enough, Rhino has doubled the listening pleasure this weekend with the 40th anniversary remasters of all 6 Jim Morrison Doors albums (Rhino, $11.98 SRP each). The albums in question – The Doors, Waiting For The Sun, L.A. Woman, Morrison Hotel, The Soft Parade, and Strange Days – all sport a wonderful selection of bonus cuts, including alternate takes and rarities. Show me the way to the last whiskey bar…

     

    It’s documentary series like Engineering An Empire (History Channel, Not Rated, DVD-$49.95 SRP) that call me out as the geek I am. This 12-part series focuses on the engineering marvels of civilizations from the Egyptian empires of the pharaohs to more modern structures including the Kremlin and Notre Dame. Hosted by Peter Weller, it will appeal to all of your basest nerdly needs. I love it.

     

     

     

    A few years after wrapping his multi-year stay with the Tanner family, ALF found himself a prisoner of the US government in the TV movie Project: ALF (VSC, Not Rated, DVD-$14.95 SRP). Co-starring Martin Sheen, Ed Begley, Jr., Miguel Ferrer, and the late, great Ray Walston, this special edition features a brand new commentary track with creator (and ALF himself) Paul Fusco.

     

     

    Warners Signature Series sets have oft-times been anchored by one or two films that have been on DVD previously. It’s always welcome, then, when we get a set that features a completely new-to-DVD line-up, which means we’ve essentially “raided the vaults” for goodies that, save for these themed sets, probably wouldn’t have seen the light of day. Such is the case with the 5 flicks featured in the Erroll Flynn Collection: Volume 2 (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP) – which sports The Charge of the Light Brigade, Adventures of Don Juan, Dive Bombers, Gentleman Jim, and The Sawn Patrol. Bonus features include vintage cartoons & short subjects, radio shows, making-of featurettes, trailers, and a commentary on Don Juan.

    I’m a sucker for rarely seen comedic performances, so I’m very pleased with what we’ve gotten from MPI’s “Comic Legends” line so far, including their two latest releases. The first – Dick Van Dyke: In Rare Form (MPI, Not Rated, DVD-$14.98 SRP) – features classic comic and dance sequences from Van Dyke’s recurring appearances during the 1958-59 season of The Pat Boone Chevy Showroom, plus an episode of Van Dyke’s ultra-rare panel show Laugh Line. The second release is a double bill – Groucho Marx & Redd Foxx (MPI, Not Rated, DVD-$14.98 SRP) – and the stars alone should make this a must have.

    Continue your collection of the creepy, kooky, mysterious, and ooky Addams Family (Fox, Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP) with the second and penultimate volume, featuring the middle 21 episodes from its all-too-short 2 season run. Bonus materials include audio commentaries, a “Mad About The Addams” appreciation featurette, and an interactive guest star featurette. For some reason, though, Fox continues to urinate on the parade with their abysmal double-sided discs. Please guys… Stop.

     

     

    It’s definitely a piffle, but there’s something eminently likeable about sprite-ly, vivacious Amanda Bynes in Lovewrecked (Genius, Rated PG-13, DVD-$19.95 SRP), where she stars as a young woman who finds her self stranded on a deserted island with her rock idol. Well, maybe not so deserted – as their resort is only a stone’s throw away – but she tries everything in her power to hide that fact in order to spend as much time with him as possible.

     

     

    Night Of The Comet (MGM/UA, Rated PG-13, DVD-$14.98 SRP) is on DVD. Can you believe that? One of the most gloriously schlocky 80’s cult flicks has hit little shiny disc. A comet! Zombies! Valley girls as humanity’s saviors! And there’s even time for shopping!

     

     

     

    In the 1970’s, a rather fascinating by-product of the success of The Godfather films was a mini-series that featured a re-enactment filled history of organized crime in Italy and its eventual arrival in America. Stretching back 400 years, the 5-part Origins of The Mafia (A&E, Not Rated, DVD-$19.95 SRP) featured a cast that included Eddie Albert, Joseph Cotton, and Lee J. Cobb. It’s certainly an interesting overview of the roots of organized crime in America, a subject that continues to be mined in films and television to this day.

     

     

    In front of the camera, George and Weezy become grandparents in the 6th season of The Jeffersons (Sony, Not Rated, DVD-$29.95 SRP), while behind-the-scenes, actor Mike Evans returned to the role of son Lionel, which he had originated all the way back during All In The Family. Still at the top of its game, this season also found George coaching neighbor Tom Willis on how to act black and also wining small businessman of the year (literally), and Louise even fires Florence. Season 7, post haste!

     

    She may not have one another Oscar this year, but you can get more than your fill of everyone’s favorite stern Dame courtesy of the BBC’s 8-film Judi Dench Collection (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$99.98 SRP). The films on the docket are both the 1962 & 1981 versions of The Cherry Orchard, Talking To A Stranger, Keep An Eye On Amelie, Going Gently, Ghosts, Make And Break, Can You Hear Me Thinking?, and Absolute Hell. Bonus features include a trio of radio plays, Dench singing “Send in the Clowns,” interviews, and more.

     

    No 80’s childhood was complete without at least one viewing (on cable) of the post-apocalyptic roller-skating flick Solarbabies (MGM/UA, Rated PG-13, DVD-$14.98 SRP). In a world where water is a rare commodity controlled by a global corporation that snatches children from their families to raise them as workers, can a band of roller-rebels change the future? What about if I throw in a weird, glowing extraterrestrial globe with healing powers? And Charles Durning?

     

     

    I would hope that, after the numerous failures in the last election and the disturbing lack of a paper trail, the existing electronic balloting system would be cause for concern amongst American voters. If it’s not, then I recommend you take a look at the documentary Hacking Democracy (Docurama, Not Rated, DVD-$26.95 SRP), which examines the machines and the system behind them.

     

     

     

    Before Soap, Norman Lear’s Mary Hartman Mary Hartman (Sony, Not Rated, DVD-$29.95 SRP) was the first sitcom to spoof the conventions of the serialized storytelling known as Soap Operas. Housewife Mary Hartman (Louise Lasser) lives in the fictional town of Fernwood, a burg best by kidnappings, mass murders, and a recurring flasher, but she’s more focused on her daily travails, specifically the shine on her kitchen floor and saving her marriage. It really was a groundbreaking show, and it’s well worth checking out the 25 first season episodes featured in this 3-disc box set.

     

    I have to admit, by the third season of A Family Affair (MPI, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP), I’m mainly watching it for the wonderfully subtle Sebastian Cabot as English manservant Mr. French. Otherwise, it’s still an amiable sitcom that’s a very comfortable viewing experience, even 30 years later. The 5-disc set features all 28 episodes, plus the Family Affair reunion special.

     

     

    The Tanners return in the wacky and comfortably predictable sixth season of Full House (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP). If you’ve seen any episode of the show, you know what to expect… It’s like comfort food for Gen Y. Sadly, no bonus features… Not even an uncensored Saget commentary. Shame.

     

     

     

    In the age of Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings, there’s something a bit naff about the big screen adaptation of the kid and his dragon fantasy Eragon (Fox, Rated PG, DVD-$34.98 SRP). It’s like The Neverending Story, but without the charm. The 2-disc special edition features an audio commentary, behind-the-scenes documentary & featurettes, interviews, galleries, and more.

     

     

    As the big 30th anniversary Star Wars Celebration approaches, I thought we’d end this week with a look at Sideshow’s 1/4-scale Premium Format Luke & Yoda – Dagobah Training figure ($349). Featuring a pretty spiffy likeness of Mark Hamill (and Yoda, too), as well as the attention to detail – including clothing and the Dagobah Swamp environment – that we’ve come to expect from Sideshow, it’s another stellar piece to add to your collection. And, if you order the Sideshow inclusive edition, you’ll get a 1/4-scale replica of the Luke/Vader head from Luke’s training vision in the cave. Creepy, ain’t it?

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    So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

    -Ken Plume

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  • QSE News: 3/30/2007

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    Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

    • qsnews.jpgU2 singer Bono has become the latest celebrity to become a knight of the British Empire. Bono was reportedly excited about the new title and immediately asked when he would get his suit of armor and where he could get some “princess tang.”
    • The Beastie Boys have announced that they will be performing several acoustic shows this summer. To help promote the shows, group members plan on getting arrested for drunk driving, getting caught shouting racial slurs and entering rehab. “It’s worked for all the other rappers… so we might as well,” said Beastie Boy Mike D.
    • Actress Halle Berry has admitted to Parade magazine that after her marriage with baseball player David Justice ended, she tried to kill herself. Berry apparently tried to asphyxiate herself by sitting in a running car in a garage, but stopped when she thought about her mother finding her. We here at QSE News would like to congratulate Ms. Berry for having the courage to admit this, but we would also like to remind her that no one likes a quitter.
    • Microsoft has announced plans to release a new version of their next-gen gaming console, the Xbox 360. The Xbox 360 Elite will come with a High Definition Multimedia Interface port as well as a 120 gig hard drive. Gamers across the country are preparing for the new system by collecting 119 gigs worth of digital porn.
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    That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

    (Compiled by J. Allen)

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  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/30/2007

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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    • Can we give a medal to The Sound of Young America‘s Jesse Thorn? Can we do that? Because he deserves it for helping to bring more attention to the criminally overlooked comedy of Coyle & Sharpe… (Thingamabob)
    • Top 100 April Fool’s Day Hoaxes Of All Time… (Thingamabob)
    • This is wrong on just so many levels… (Thingamabob)
    • For those of you who’ve ever been curious about that whole Pink Floyd/Wizard of Oz thing… (Thingamabob)
    • Garden gnome problem? Try “Gnome-Be-Gone”… (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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  • The Fred Hembeck Show: Episode 97 – Vault Hembeck

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    This week, we have a real curiosity for you folks.

    Fact is, I’M sorta curious about it myself!…

    Several years ago, I inadvertently stumbled across a small pile of 3×5 index cards (a thick rubber band wrapped securely around them) tucked away with the rest of my original artwork. It was twenty eight pages of rough layouts – plus cover – for something I chose to call “Living In The Marvel Universe starring Fred Hembeck”. The thing is, I have absolutely no memory of when – and especially WHY – I did this!! (Internal evidence garnered from some baseball references – don’t worry, non-sports fans, they’re only of a passing nature – would indicate that this was cobbled together during the 1985, ’86, ’87, or ’88 seasons, most likely earlier than later.)

    But more importantly, WHY? Clearly, these AREN’T thumbnails for full-sized pages, what with the severely limited amount of panels found on each page. It kinda looks like I was designing some sort of pocket-sized flip book, but why I ever thought that would be a good idea, well, like I say, at this late date, I have absolutely NO clue. Considering that things never progressed past the extremely embryonic stage on display here, I would venture to guess that I eventually came to realize the folly of my labors.

    But you know what? Despite some hastily scrawled drawing (not to mention some occasionally shaky lettering), reading this over again recently (and please, pardon me for saying this) actually made me chuckle several times. Try and get past the raw nature of this piece, and who knows? Maybe it’ll do the same for you! Here’s hoping…

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    Coincidentally, the New York Mets 2007 season begins this very Sunday. Y’know, I haven’t heard anything as of yet, but I’m still hoping good ol’ Spidey can swing on over to catch the opener with me!

    And remember, fans, at Hembeck.com, we ALWAYS play ball!

    -Copyright 2007 Fred Hembeck

  • QSE News: 3/29/2007

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    Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

    • qsnews.jpgThe cover for the next, and last, Harry Potter novel has been revealed. The cover features Harry Potter alone, reaching for the sky. Fans of the series had hoped the cover would feature the three main characters of the book, naked and in a loving embrace.
    • With the success of the LEGO Star Wars videogames, LEGO has announced a similar game based on its Batman license, LEGO Batman: The Vidoegame. The game will allow gamers the opportunity to play little LEGO versions of many classic Batman characters. The game is geared towards children, but to help draw adult gamers, developers built in features like sex with hookers, car jacking, vandalism and a crazy amount of violence.
    • Black Eyed Peas member Taboo was arrested for drinking, driving and smashing in Industry, CA. According to reports the rapper was picked up and charged with Driving Under the Influence after a collision. We at QSE feel for Mr. Taboo and hope that he remains strong in these difficult times but we’d also like to caution and remind him that no amount of alcohol will make him forget that he is in part responsible for “My Humps.”
    • And finally today, writer/director Guy Ritchie is set to launch a new graphic novel with Virgin Comics.  The comic, called Game Keeper, is said to be a gritty crime drama.  Much like the last few projects Ritchie has spearheaded, it is expected that his wife Madonna will soon become involved and make a once cool project totally lame.
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    That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

    (Compiled by J. Allen)

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  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/29/2007

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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    • An insider ode to the impending crap Transformers flick… (Thingamabob)
    • Of course, we have to follow that up with Today’s Special(Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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  • QSE News: 3/28/2007

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    Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

    • qsnews.jpgComedian Eddie Griffin destroyed a Ferrari Enzo worth $1.5 million while driving the car around a track. Griffin lost control of the rare car while preparing for a charity race in promotion of his new film Redline.  Producers of the film were quick to point out that the wreck was just an accident and in no way foreshadowing with regard to the film or Griffin’s career.
    • MTV has announced that it will premiere the entire final season of the hit show Punk’d on April 7th.  All eight episodes will be shown back to back in a special “Sneak Peek,” then the show will make it’s regular “premiere” on April 10.  Insiders see this as a brazen move showing that MTV’s executives are indeed retarded.
    • According to rumors, Johnny Depp may be appearing in the next Sin City film from director Robert Rodriguez. Although he may still appear, Depp was more excited about the role when he thought the title was in reference to a party at Rodriguez’s house and not a film.
    • Former Limp Bizkit guitarist Wes Boreland is coming back with a brand new band and a brand new album. The new band called Black Light Burn will release its first album on June 5th.  In related news, former Limp Bizkit singer Fred Durst will also be releasing an album with his new band Come On, I Need Some Money.
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    That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

    (Compiled by J. Allen)

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  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/28/2007

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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    • My surrender to the internet has finally reached the point where I’ll watch a man’s beard grow… (Thingamabob)
    • Like me, I’m sure you’ve often wondered exactly who has been banned from ever making a repeat appearance on Saturday Night Live(Thingamabob)
    • And then, for the loveogod, go listen to the latest episode of Jordan, Jesse GO!(Thingamabob)
    • Finally, wrap things up with an online preview of the very first episode of Ira Glass’s This American Life(Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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  • QSE News: 3/27/2007

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    Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

    • qsnews.jpgVelvet Revolver frontman Scott Weiland is in trouble for trashing a hotel room in Burbank, CA. According to reports, Weiland and his wife got into an argument and the couple proceeded to destroy the hotel room. Weiland and his wife were arguing over the best way to inject heroine. Weiland maintains that the “old school” way of using arm veins is the best while his wife thinks shooting heroine directly into the carotid artery is totally the way to go.
    • Corbin Bernsen, perhaps best known as Arnie Becker on L.A. Law, is set to direct the new horror film Dead Air.  The film involves a pair of radio hosts who have to warn L.A. about a zombie attack.  At this time it is unclear if the producers of the film will push the envelope of horror by actually casting Bernsen himself in the film.
    • Actor Kal Penn, Kumar from the film Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, is set to become a guest instructor at the University of Pennsylvania in the Spring of 2008.  Penn will be teaching two courses at the university, “Images of Asian Americans in the Media” and “How to be in 22 Movies and Several TV Shows and Not Have Anyone Know What Your Name Is.”
    • Amongst the guitar and drums, the White Stripes will add bagpipes and trumpets to the band’s next album. The next Stripes album, titled Icky Thump, is coming out in June. The bagpipes will add a much needed element of [EXPLETIVE DELETED] annoying suck to the White Stripes sound.
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    That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

    (Compiled by J. Allen)

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  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/27/2007

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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    • How exactly do they turn around an episode of South Park in 6 days? (Thingamabob)
    • A very special guest on the final episode of What’s My Line?(Thingamabob)
    • Great Moments In Comic Book History: Volume 2 – Nick Fury Appears Like A Human Cyclone… (Thingamabob)
    • Billy Connolly sings of D-I-V-O-R-C-E… (Thingamabob)
    • And last but not least, Billy on Craig Ferguson… (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

    ##

  • SModcast 7

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    SModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.

    The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.

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    SModcast 7: An Icelander Showing You Your Own Beating Heart –

    In which our heroes marvel over the success of Wild Hogs, discuss theater-jumping with parental consent, lament a child’s lack of keys, talk about Scott’s sister yet again, fear sleeping on a foreigner’s couch, puzzle over the chicken-hawk compulsion to be featured on Dateline, show no interest in sex with teenagers, and have fun but don’t run.

    [CONTENT WARNING] SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.

    DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
    SModcast 7 (MP3 format) – 58.16 MB

    [display_podcast]

    SUBSCRIBE
    Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes
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    Wanna add your two cents? Spend it here, in the SModcast mailbag.

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    CLICK HERE FOR THE SMODCAST ARCHIVES

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  • QSE News: 3/26/2007

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    Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

    • qsnews.jpgA film about four talking ninja turtles who also happen to be teenagers has won the weekend box office.  Producers of the film were surprised at the film’s success, as many insiders believed the film was doomed after Corey Feldman declined to reprise his role as the voice of Donatello.
    • Snoop Dogg has been denied a visa into England and will not be able to play the five scheduled concert dates within the country. Dogg and several of his friends were arrested and spent an evening in jail back in 2006 for a brawl started at Heathrow Airport. According to his lawyers, Dogg is willing to do whatever it takes to clear up any outstanding issues – unless that would entail eating British food (ok… we’ll do it… we weren’t going to but here it is) and handing over his pot.
    • Canadian band The New Pornographers are in the studio recording a new album.  The album, which is a follow up to the band’s 2005 release Twin Cinema, is said to have more of an “epic” feel.  In related news, the old Pornographers will also be releasing a new album, full of naked people doing it.
    • Toys for the highly anticipated movie Spider-Man 3 have hit shelves, revealing major plot lines from the movie.  Stores were prohibited from putting the toys out until the 24th, but that didn’t stop a few thousand from hitting the internet early.  We here at QSE News would like to thank dorks all over the country for raising the bar of theft and sloth to new heights.
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    That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

    (Compiled by J. Allen)

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  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/26/2007

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

    ————————————————

    • Ricky Jay on classic Sound of Young America... (Thingamabob)
    • Peter Cook & Dudley Moore – “Poor Uncle Bertie”… (Thingamabob)
    • Great Moments In Comic Book History: Volume 2 – The Unconquerable Captain America… (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

    ##

  • The Venture Bros. Season Two DVD Teaser

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    Treat yourself to an exclusive teaser for the forthcoming Venture Bros.: Season Two DVD set, courtesy of the fine folks at AstroBase Go!…

    Fashioned by the mysterious Doc Hammer deep within the labyrinthine bowels of the orbiting AstroBase, this “teaser” (so-called for its uncanny ability to tease money from your grubby paws) was constructed exclusively for the select audience who attended the Venture Bros. panel at this year’s New York Comic-Con

    Many Bothans died to bring you this DVD teaser. Do not make their sacrifice in vain.

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    Download The Venture Bros.: Season Two DVD Teaser:

    Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 36 MB)
    Small (320 x 240 – QuickTime – 15.6 MB)

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  • Scrubs Blog: My Creepy Picture Contest Winners

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    VIDEO BLOG #80: “My Creepy Picture Contest Winners” ““
    All of our uber-fans came out in full force for our big Creepy Picture Contest, and a lucky few met the challenge and are going to be getting some fabulous prizes. All winners will be notified by e-mail shortly, but first we have a special congratulatory video for those lucky labcoats, followed by al of the answers…

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    Download Scrubs Video Blog #80:

    • Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 26.95 MB)
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  • Weekend Shopping Guide 3/23/07: Good Times

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    The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

    My memories of the 5th and final season of NewsRadio (Sony, Not Rated, DVD-$39.95 SRP) are of a show that was struggling to regain its footing after the devastating loss of both Phil Hartman and his character, Bill McNeal. While in my memory the transition was rather rocky, re-watching the season on DVD has shows that the writers and cast very quickly regained their footing, and Jon Lovitz’s Max Louis very rapidly became a member of the family. All in all, it’s a nice farewell to a series that was cancelled before its time, and I’m just glad we got the entirety of it out on DVD. The 3-disc set features all 22 episodes, plus audio commentaries (during one of which my question about the cast’s Donny & Marie Show appearance is mentioned, but not answered), deleted scenes, and a gag reel.

     

    If the great Sgt. Bilko had to depart the airwaves, at least a show like McHale’s Navy (Shout! Factory, Not Rated, DVD-$44.98 SRP) was waiting in the wings. Doing for the navy what Bilko did for the army, the crew of PT Boat #73 – including Tim Conway and captain Ernest Borgnine – brought a healthy anti-establishment joie de vivre to the small screen. A very, very funny show. This 5-disc box set features all 36 first season episodes in their original black & white, plus a crew reunion featurette with reminiscences from the cast.

     

    Divorced from the Oscar season hype, there’s much to be said for the flawed yet powerful Blood Diamond (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$34.98 SRP). As actioners go, it’s got the requisite amount of intrigue and adrenaline, and it very much wears its social message – about the often bloody diamond trade – on its sleeve. When civil war overtakes Sierra Leone in 1999, an ex-mercenary (Leonardo DiCaprio) with his own agenda aids a Mende fisherman (Djimon Hounsou) in locating his kidnapped son, who has been conscripted as a child solider in the rebel army. The ex-merc, however, is more interested in an outrageously valuable pink diamond, and will let nothing get in his way. The 2-disc special edition features an audio commentary from director Ed Zwick, a documentary on the diamond trade tracking the patch of a gemstone from the earth to the store, a Leo profile, a featurette on women journalists, a look at the pivotal “Siege of Freetown” sequence, a music video, and the theatrical trailer.

     

    As independent as the protagonists of That Girl and The Mary Tyler Moore Show had been, the first unashamedly, boisterously feminist show to arrive on television screens was a spin-off of All In The Family, and starred Bea Arthur as Edith Bunker’s outspokenly independent Maude (Sony, Not Rated, DVD-$29.95 SRP). Whether keeping her fourth husband, Walter (Bill Macy), in line or disagreeing with conservative neighbor Arthur (Conrad Baines), the show’s humor has aged very little, and the arrival on DVD of such a seminal sitcom is always appreciated. The 3-disc set features all 22 first season episodes, but zero extras (a Bea Arthur/Norman Lear commentary would have been incredible).

     

    The third series of the Doctor Who relaunch is about to hit screens in the UK (and computers here in the US, because certain networks don’t seem to understand the 21st Century), so that means another batch of classic Who is hitting DVD. First up is a classic tale from the Patrick Troughton years – The Invasion (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$34.98 SRP) – which also happens to be one of those unfortunate adventures where footage is missing. Happily, though, those installments have been reconstructed with animation from Cosgrove Hall (of Danger Mouse fame) and the still extant original soundtracks. The second release is from the Tom Baker Years – The Sontaran Experiment (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$14.98 SRP). As usual, these are positively packed with bonus materials, including audio commentaries, featurettes, interviews, trailers, and much more.

     

    Rightly considered one of the finest documentaries ever produced, D.A. Pennbaker’s portrait of Bob Dylan’s landmark 1965 tour, Don’t Look Back (Docurama, Not Rated, DVD-$49.95 SRP), has gotten a deluxe remastering and special edition treatment. In addition to restored picture and sound, the 2-disc collector’s set features audio commentaries, additional audio tracks, an alternate version of the “Subterranean Homesick Blues” cue card sequence, a second documentary utilizing unused footage, trailers, and a reproduction of the original photo-filled 168-page companion book. A definite must-have all around.

     

    After viewing it again, in expanded form, on DVD, there’s something cringeworthy about the Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$19.99 SRP). Roasters of old were usually friends of the roastee, so an overwhelming sense of love would come through the often scathing jibes. On the new brand of Comedy Central roasts, there’s usually a token 2-3 friends of the roastee, with the rest of the time filled by Comedy Central’s stable of go-to comics, making for an impersonal, often attack atmosphere of blood in the water comedy that makes for the aforementioned cringing. It’s a shame, really. Bonus materials include behind-the-scenes footage, red carpet interviews, and a behind-the-scenes featurette.

     

    The films may be hit and miss, but I always have time for that crankily loveable Fieldian presence. The second volume of the W.C. Fields Comedy Collection (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP) features You’re Telling Me!, The Old Fashioned Way, Man On The Flying Trapeze, Poppy, and the wonderful Never Give A Sucker An Even Break. The 5-disc set also features a bonus vintage documentary.

     

     

    Although it shouldn’t surprise me so much in this DVD age, I never thought I’d see a 2-disc, fully restored and remastered special edition of the original Re-Animator (Anchor Bay, Not Rated, DVD-$24.98 SRP). Starring Jeffrey Combs as truly mad scientist Herbert West in this adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s tale of meddling in life after death, it’s one of the goriest flicks you’ll run across – but it’s all held together by Combs’s performance. The 2-disc edition features audio commentaries, a 60-minute documentary, interviews, deleted/extended scenes, TV spots, galleries, a trailer, and more.

     

    Federal Agent James West is back defending American security at the behest of the Grant administration, against evil geniuses, revolutionaries, oddballs, and malcontents in the second season of Wild, Wild West (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$49.99 SRP). The 7-disc set features all 28 episodes, beautifully remastered in full color. Sadly, no bonus features, which is a damn shame as a nice retrospective feature would be quite nifty. Perhaps in the future, one hopes.

     

    Crockett & Tubbs have arrived to drain your wallet, with the concurrent release of both the 3rd and 4th seasons (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP each). As usual there’s not a single bonus feature to be found, but at least we get all of the original music (which I can only imagine cost a fortune). Crack out the pastels and your pet gator, and snag ’em both.

     

    While we’ve had some special preview sets come down the pike – the family couch and the Ironic Torture diorama – the first actual wave of Simpsons figures is now hitting shelves ($11.99 SRP each). Included in this initial offering (done in the McFarlane fixed “scene” style) are Homer & Krusty in a memorable moment from the end of the episode “Kamp Krusty,” Homer & Bart in their superhero outfits from “Simple Simpson,” Homer & Marge” during their InnerSpace interlude within Mr. Burns during the “Treehouse of Horror” segment “In The Belly Of The Boss,” and a generic scene of Homer & Bart engaged in mutual throttling. Check the pics out below…

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    So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

    -Ken Plume

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  • QSE News: 3/23/2007

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    Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

    • qsnews.jpgOur nightly prayers have been answered as it appears that the last hold-out Spice Girl has caved in response to a Spice Girls reunion. The Spice Girl known as Mel C, known to her fans as “Sportified spice” or “The Butch One,” was initially against the reunion as she was busy concentrating on a solo career. A spokesperson for the remaining Spice Girls (with the exception of Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham who doesn’t need the money) released a statement to the press noting that “the girls will require at least two weeks notice for any reunion as McDonald’s has a minimum of a two week notice on all leaves of absence.”
    • Actor Russell Crowe is set to make his directorial debut with the film Bra Boys.  The film is said to be a fact based drama about the surf community in Australia and not a biography picture about famous cross-dressers RuPaul, Hilary Swank, Reese Witherspoon, Sandra Bullock and Ryan Seacrest.
    • Author Terry McMillan is suing her former husband and inspiration for her book How Stella Got Her Groove Back for $40 million.  In the suit McMillan claims that Jonathan Plummer only married her to become a US citizen and tried to ruin her reputation during the divorce.  While McMillan is awaiting the courts decision, she is busy writing her latest book tentatively titled How Stella Sued Her Former Husband and Made Enough Cash to Never Have to Write Another Book Again.
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    That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

    (Compiled by J. Allen)

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  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/23/2007

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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    • Wings For Wheels interviews Jordan Zevon about his music and his late, much-missed father Warren(Thingamabob)
    • CD and a dremel… Not too smart a combination… (Thingamabob)
    • Spike Jones & His City Slickers – “Yes Sir, That’s My Baby”… (Thingamabob)
    • New Kasper Hauser podcast – “Slide Show”… (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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  • The Fred Hembeck Show: Episode 96 – The Cover Of The Rolling Stone

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    It was a late summer’s eve in 1971, scant days before I was scheduled to start my freshman year at college. My buddies and I had hopped onto the Long Island Expressway and made the fifty plus mile trek into The Big Apple for the evening. After catching a Marx Brothers flick at a Greenwich Village revival house – or maybe it was Humphrey Bogart classic – we found ourselves roaming the teeming streets of Manhattan in search of some grub.

    All thoughts of something so pedestrian as food left my mind entirely when my eyes suddenly spotted a startling image hanging from the side of a newsdealer’s magazine booth.

    This…

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    The Hulk! On the cover of Rolling Stone magazine! (Number 91, September 14th edition, to be precise) My good golly gosh, but was I ever stunned! I’d first come across the fledgling music magazine with its 19th issue, but didn’t encounter it again until number 27’s special “Groupie” edition somehow made its way out to our sleepy little town of Yaphank – at which point, I decided to leave nothing further to chance and began a subscription that, yes, still exists to this very day! But if all you know is the RS of today – or for the last 30 years, for that matter – you’ve gotta understand, Rolling Stone once was an amazingly vital, truly cutting edge publication, one I’d gleefully devour cover to cover as soon as each bi-weekly issue arrived in my mailbox – and then I’d proceed to reread the stuff that REALLY interested me! About the only thing that held my attention as steadily as the exotic doings reported in the Stone was (uh huh, you guessed it) comic books! And ESPECIALLY Marvel Comics!

    So when I spied my two primary obsessions intermingled as never before, just dangling there from a small metal clip on the bustling streets of NYC, I knew I HAD to have a copy, and I had to have one IMMEDIATELY! Knowing full well that a copy would soon be delivered by my local postman, I nonetheless went right ahead and dipped into my not-overly-impressive finances and shelled out the sixty cent cover price for the privilege of reading Robin Green’s affectionate examination of the Marvel Bullpen a few measly days sooner than I would’ve otherwise (and YOU can read it now, for free, by going here!).

    To satisfy my curiosity alone, it was well worth it – plus, I eventually wound up with TWO copies of that must-have collector’s item! Besides, sandwiched between cover shots of George Harrison on stage at The Concert For Bangla Desh (RS 90) and Jefferson Airplane (RS 92), Herb Trimpe’s illustration of the gamma-irradiated cover boy remains (in my mind anyhow) one of the most iconic images ever produced of the Green Goliath! “Hulk smash puny Wenner’s counter-culture rag! Cream’s Wheels of Fire deserved much better review – bah!”

    I giddily related this otherwise rather pointless personal anecdote to the artist himself last week in an Italian eatery by the name of Goodfellas (found not on the mean streets of New York City but in the comparatively tranquil environs of Poughkeepsie) as I sat with Herb Trimpe and wife Patricia Vasquez, munching down a sausage and peppers sub for lunch shortly after putting in time as a guest speaker at the weekly cartooning central studies class the couple presides over at Poughkeepsie Day School (which institution – if not class – my daughter Julie not-so-coincidentally attends.).

    (For those of you who may’ve come in late, a central studies class is generally one dealing in art, music, or theater – though there have been courses rooted in both math and science – that meets three times a month on Wednesdays from 8:30 until just past noon, and for the entire day the fourth Wednesday. The courses run for nearly half a year, with a short, five week CS rounding out the second semester (providing juniors the time to take a mandatory college prep course). Herb and Patricia (who, in the 9th and 10th grades, taught my daughter Spanish – or at least tried to; like her dad’s long-ago doomed attempts to master German, foreign lingo has consistently been Julie’s glaring academic Achilles Heel – as well serving as her student adviser the latter year) first introduced the course during the final five week slot last May, and since it was so well received, the duo brought it back for a lengthier run commencing this past January.)

    And then, somehow, I got involved!

    Actually, it was simple enough – Patricia had queried Julie at school as to the possibility of yours truly coming in one week and speaking to the students. To share my (ahem) expertise, such as it is. Well, sir, I was both flattered AND terrified by the request. Terrified because I am NOT – nor will I ever be – a comfortable public speaker; and flattered because hey, this was Herb “Incredible Hulk” Trimpe asking, y’know? Which he did, formerly, over the phone, a day or so following Julie’s passed along invitation from her former instructor. Truth is, there was a part of me that just wanted to decline and save myself the inevitable stress I’d suffer as the date of my classroom cameo drew inexorably closer, but I did my level best to shunt those feelings of doubt aside, deciding instead to step squarely up to the plate. There were several reasons why I was willing to accede to Herb and Patricia’s wishes – not the least being Mr. T’s assurance of this being pretty much a very low pressure situation for even the most skittish of speakers (i.e., me) with a good group of truly motivated students – but aside from that, a primary one definitely was the rare opportunity to spend a little time inside the walls of PDS during an actual school day!

    Y’see, going all the way back to the days when Julie was attending pre-school, I’ve made a point of volunteering to chaperon as many field trips (or assist with as many holiday parties) as possible, all in not only a selfless effort to help, but (okay, I’ll admit it) in a selfish effort to get at least a small glimpse into what goes on in my daughter’s life during those otherwise mysterious school time hours. In the course of my efforts, I’ve been to an awful lot of pumpkin patches, served up a plenty of Valentine’s Day cake, and seen my share of historical landmarks, but in the two plus years Julie’s been at PDS, I’d somehow never managed to get myself involved in ANY classroom activities whatsoever! NOW was my chance! Okay, sure, my offspring was gonna be down the hall, lurking around in the dark in her photography class – nothing ever works out perfectly, y’know – but c’mon, did I mention that Herb “Phantom Eagle” Trimpe was gonna be in attendance?

    (A totally irrelevant aside: one of my favorite chaperoning anecdotes dates back to Julie’s kindergarten days. The class was planning a half day trip to the now shuttered Catskill Game Farm, and the mother of virtually every kid involved volunteered to go along for the ride, myself included. Inasmuch as the teacher clearly didn’t seem to like Julie very much – long story, but happily, the only discernible instance of that happening in the kid’s classroom career – I was somewhat surprised when I learned that I was one of the lucky few chosen to accompany the wee ones on the trip! My delight soon faded when I discovered the TRUE reason for making the final cut: the teacher needed at least one adult male to come along to perform the all important job of accompanying, as needed, any and all of the gaggle of five-year old boys to the men’s room! Yes, friends, it’s true – I was selected primarily for Potty Patrol! And lemme tell ya, I was exhausted like never before – and rarely since – after THAT particular sojourn!

    My chaperoning days came to an apparent end during a trip to one of George Washington’s wartime headquarters when Julie was an eighth grader, her last year in public school. The lackluster attitude evinced by most of the students on that trip was a long way from the sort of wide-eyed wonder kids just a few years younger had shown in the past, which I found a tad dispiriting. So a chance to spend some time in PDS with kids maybe a smidgen more lively than the bunch we had to basically drag from one Revolutionary War landmark to another that cold wintry day three plus years back sure looked mighty appealing to me by comparison…).

    But WHAT was I going to say? What was I going to DO? Once before, when Julie was in the fifth grade, I was presented with a similar situation – my daughter’s art teacher got wind of my cartooning, and asked me to come in and address her students. I did, and it went reasonably well – only with those kids, I could start with the absolute basics, kill a little time that way, and then eventually just draw whatever they shouted out. Herb and Patricia’s class, however, had undoubtedly zipped way past the basics long ago, leaving me…what? A Ted Baxterish monologue? “It all began in a 5000 watt radio station…”? Oh yeah – THAT’D sure go over like gangbusters! Ultimately, I simply gathered together a handful of my originals – including some published versions of same for comparison – and decided to concentrate on three key areas: humor; doing the entire job on your own; and creating autobiographical comics. I emailed Herb with my tenuous plans, and, a few days later, he phoned back the night before my appearance to give me the thumbs up. We both agreed that I could do a lot worse than simply winging it…

    Now, I’d like to blame my two cats, Mario and Luigi, because they often wake me up in the dead of night to go outside, then maybe an hour or so later, wake me again to come back in, and that evening was a particularly active one for the ol’ feline go-round (and no, I CAN’T just ignore them – their incessant yowling would allow for no rest whatsoever, trust me), so maybe THAT was why I got less sleep than usual, and it wasn’t at all due to a case of the nerves. Nope. Not at all. Well, whatever – I was wide awake when the alarm went off, and after dressing and gathering all my goodies, Julie and I were soon off to school together, just like old times – if you consider “old times” to be all of ten days ago! Y’see, now that Julie has secured herself a driver’s license, she’s begun to drive herself in, rather than hitch a ride with her mom three days a week, or have me make the early morning round-trip on the two days Lynn generally works at home. I’ve gotta admit, it’s quite an adjustment, having your kid drive off in a car, and you’re not with ’em. But it also saves everyone a whole lotta time and gas, so we’re trying our best to weigh the clear benefits against typical parental worries, and so far, so good. But this bright and beautiful Wednesday morning, father and daughter were once again driving into school together. I after all had me a very important appointment with Herb “Godzilla” Trimpe!

    Once we arrived in the pot-hole riddled parking lot, Julie and I split – she headed for morning meeting, sort of (as Herb “G.I. Joe” Trimpe later described it) a daily military style briefing for the entire student body, while I set out for the school’s other building, where Herb and Patricia’s classroom was located. I signed in, and a very nice woman by the name of Sarah walked me upstairs to my destination. As I strolled in, there was Herb, going through the class’s work (Patricia was, as usual, attending the aforementioned morning meeting ceremonies). After exchanging niceties, Herb proudly showed me what the class had been working on: they’d broken up into several small teams, with each putting together a comics strip (three to nine pages) as a group. The subject matter was wildly diverse, and while not up to professional standards – hey, these are eighth, ninth, and tenth graders, after all – the work WAS brimming with enthusiasm. And for that matter, so was Herb! The goal of the day, he informed me, was to put the finishing touches on this assignment, and then moving on to the next: solo work by each student. Which was part of the reason why my visit had been timed for this particular Wednesday, inasmuch as I regularly do the entire job on my own. But before I could spend any more than a few brief moments going over my plans with Herb, the first few students began slowly wandering in. It was eight-thirty, and Professor Fred’s lecture de jour was only minutes away. Oh boy…

    After a few opening remarks from Herb and Patricia – who’d accompanied the teen-aged throng as they made their way over to the upper school building after the mandatory AM get-together – Herb introduced me to the students (there were sixteen to begin with – though several more ambled in over the course of the morning – fully six of which were female, a pleasantly surprising percentage in an area of interest that stereotypically skews male). When asked if anybody knew who I was, several chimed in that they in fact did, but I’m guessing that was mostly due to Julie serving as my advance agent amongst those kids she knew personally enrolled in the course. So, directed to the board in the front of the room – a majority of the students were sitting around a large table, with several off to the side, ensconced in a deep and incredibly cushy couch (there were no individual desks) – I began my spiel.

    For days beforehand, I went over and over in my head just exactly what I was going to say: I had some amusing personal anecdotes, a handful of pre-planned quips, even a few motivational rants all at the ready. Naturally, none of my carefully crafted exhortations made it past my lips – mostly, I just showed the class the artwork I’d brought along. I had some originals from a Petey story (you can read all the adventures of Peter Parker Long Before He Became Spider-Man by going here), several pages of Little Freddy (the entire autobiographical canon of Growing Up In The Silver Age of Comics can be accessed through this link), a couple of stories that AREN’T (yet) posted over at my home site, Hembeck.com (including my lone “official” Hulk outing, a five pager from the Gamma Glamourpusses’ 1999 Annual – hey, how could I possibly walk into a class presided over by Herb “Thunderbolt Ross” Trimpe and NOT bring a Hulk story along, huh?…), and a handful of stand-alone illos, including this commissioned piece I did of Barry Allen racing with Jay Garrick…

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    I used this to explain funny: young guy, running along casually; old guy struggling to keep up. As someone getting inexorably older by the minute, maybe this gag isn’t quite as humorous as it might’ve seemed in times past, but at least it served the purpose of demonstrating how facial expressions and body language play a key part in effective cartooning. And speaking of facial expressions, both Herb and Patricia were somewhat taken with this piece (which I brought along in its original black and white state)…

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    Dig this – the pair borrowed the artwork overnight so as to make copies for future use! Herb intends to use it in the cartooning class, natch, but Patricia also hopes to get some mileage out of it with her Spanish students! HOW exactly, I’m not sure – perhaps she intends to have her classes guess as to exactly WHICH facial expression best suits the phrase “Aye carumba!” Whatever – I’m flattered at the mere notion that my cheery little cartoon checkerboard will live on, dutifully serving the lofty goals of higher education. Or at least, help people learn how to draw silly pictures…

    Well sir, I’m not sure exactly how long my scatter-shot meanderings rambled on, but once I sensed I wearing on the patience of my still groggy audience, I asked for suggestions as what to sketch up on the board.

    “Draw Wolverine!”

    For a moment, I thought I had somehow been transported behind a table at a comics convention, but I was quickly informed that this was a running gag with the class, who were well aware of their instructor’s history with the character. Before I had a chance to doodle up a Logan likeness, the consensus was for me to draw Petey instead – which I did, using the opportunity to show how a few simple lines around the eyes and mouth can change expressions entirely. All the while, it was Q&A time as well, and I fielded a few queries from the kids, and a bunch more from Patricia and Herb. Somehow, during the ensuing wide-ranging discussion it came out that daughter Julie has never actually read ANY of my comics, as – irony alert – she’s one of those poor, sad souls who, for whatever reason, simply can’t read comics! When word got back to her later about my inadvertent confession, she mockingly scolded me for blabbing her business (hey, at least I didn’t bring along this comic strip that I did of her as a baby, hanging out with both Cartoon Dad and Superman – be thankful for THAT, junior!…).

    Herb offered a little confession of his own, and while it may not be my place to reveal it here, aw, what the heck – it’s included in his introduction to the next, upcoming volume of Hulk Marvel Masterworks: artist Trimpe, y’see, never actually READ the finished product after the books came out! Hey look, by that time, he was three stories ahead of the game, and he already knew what had transpired anyway, so Herb just kept charging ahead without looking back! Since Marvel recently sent him copies of the tales to be included in the new collection for him to review, he FINALLY took the opportunity to peruse stories I first read when I was still back in high school! Now it was MY turn to profess mock-indignation, and quickly drew a picture of the Hulk up on the board, expressing his profound disappointment in Herb as only ol’ Greenskin could: “Herb not read my comics. Hulk sad…”

    After a little over a half hour of being the center of attention, it was finally time for me to take a seat and let the class progress in its normal manner. I’d survived my latest bout of public speaking, and Herb, Patricia, and, yes, the class thanked me with a small round of 9-in-the-morning-applause. I honestly enjoyed myself, I really did – and as is always the case in these sorts of situations, I always look back very fondly on the talk – AFTER it’s over! But since I wasn’t going anywhere, I settled in for the duration, and observed the goings on. A couple of short presentations given by a pair of students topped the list. The first concerned the Fox animated cartoon, Family Guy. Herb and Patricia seemed unfamiliar with the program, but were clearly intrigued by the unbridled enthusiasm for the show evinced by the student giving the talk (who at one point referred to creator Seth MacFarlane as “some sort of genius”). Said student spent a fair amount of time the rest of the morning attempting to call up clips from the cartoon comedy on YouTube to show both his teachers.

    I didn’t have the heart to throw any sort of wet blanket on his parade and confess that I’d watched the show when it initially aired for about six weeks, but eventually crossed it off my must-tube schedule. I DID however make a pitch for my own favorite later in the morning, briefly talking up the always magnificent SpongeBob (and should you so desire, check out the details of my animated aquatic obsession by looking over episode 81 of The Fred Hembeck Show, friends!).

    Next up was a short but concise dissertation on Peanuts by Charles Schulz (who somehow managed to duck the genius appellation) by a second student, after which it was time for a fifteen minute break before the kids got down to working on their projects, either finishing up the old one or beginning the new one. It was at about this point that my daughter wandered in from the dark room down the hall. So, for laughs, I drew a cartoon version of her up on the board, adding several potentially embarrassing word balloons just to get a reaction out of her! And I certainly did – said reaction being, “WHERE’S THE @#$%ING ERASER??”. Hey, bring your dad to school at your own risk, sweetie – you pretty much gotta expect trouble, y’know? Well, she quickly erased the offending portions (no, I won’t say what they were, save that it was little bit funny…), but left the drawings alone, including the blurb that identified her as Julie Hembeck – which was noteworthy in that it was still on the board the next day, when the room served, as per usual, to host her very own English class! She tells me it’s gone now, but ah, the memories will last forever (heh)…

    After the class had reassembled, Herb further explained the new solo project to the kids, and then left them mostly to their own devices for the balance of the morning. However, since the room wasn’t really big enough for all 16 (or was it 18?…) students to stretch out to do their drawings (the actual more spacious art room downstairs was being used for – you guessed it – another art-centric central studies class), Herb sent two groups down the hall to a pair of empty rooms. At just about this time, we were joined by a young fellow from nearby Vassar College who was sitting in on a variety of PDS classes. Herb and Patricia explained the course to him, and then, like myself, he wandered in and out of the three work areas. In one, we found an enterprising trio putting the finishing touches on their nine page manga story. The plot was very excitedly explained to me – I seem to recall something about a quest for potato salad, and a big finish that included the execution of a Power Puff Girl! Yup, when in doubt, stream of consciousness non sequiters always work! Truth is, the thing had a lot of energy, not to mention charm – and hey, who, after all ISN’T on a quest for potato salad?…

    Mostly, like our Vassar visitor, I observed. Oh, to justify my temporary pretend teacher status, I contributed the occasional pithy observation, but largely, I stayed out of the way – I figured, hey, these teens really don’t need some virtual stranger hovering over their shoulders, telling them “why not draw that nose a teensy bit larger, and don’t forget – five fingers per hand” and such. Instead, I spoke a bit with some of Julie’s past teachers who’d spotted me roaming the halls (Donna, it seems, is almost as surprised as we are to see Julie consistently behind the wheel of a car), as well as both Herb and Patricia. After relating to me how he’d done several recreations of his famous Hulk #181 cover, Herb demonstrated up on the board (right above Petey and Cartoon Julie) how exactly he’d drawn Wolverine’s noggin alongside his signature on a series of signed comics some years back.

    I didn’t have a chance to explain to Herb how I too, um, do cover recreations…

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    EVERYONE loves that Wolverine debut issue, but I’ve gotta wonder, has Herb had a chance to revisit Hulk 170 yet? I have…

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    (Here’s links to the above pair of redos over at my cyber-home: Hulk 170 and Hulk 181.)

    We got to talking about web-comics, something I’ve only recently dipped my ink-stained toes into (see The Fred Hembeck Show Episodes 91 and 95), but that didn’t prevent me from encouraging Herb to start one over on his very own website! He’s got some pretty nifty notions for a strip – I figure, if he serializes it, soon enough, he’d have enough pages for a full-blown book, one I’m sure some enterprising publisher out there would be more than happy to get behind! If, like me, you’d like to see such a thing come to funny book fruition, well, go on over to Herb’s site (yes, Virginia, this is the link) and utilize the contact option found therein to drop him a line, urging the affable artist to share his heretofore unseen creations with the world!

    The rest of the morning zipped by, and soon, noon beckoned, which signaled clean-up time, followed immediately by lunch. I said good-bye to the class (and to Julie as well – I reluctantly had to skip her offer of a quick tour of the art room downstairs, as Patricia was pressed for time, needing to get back from lunch by one o’clock for some further, non-cartooning connected, duties. Next time, kiddo – promise!…), and so the three of us piled into Herb’s car for the short drive over to Goodfellas. Geez, what a day it was – Poughkeepsie set a new temperature record for the date, with the mercury topping out at a balmy 75. Which made the juxtaposition of rapidly melting snow leftover from weeks before all the more bizarre – and considering we were slapped with a full foot up brand new snow less than forty-eight hours later, even more memorable! Some people blame such extremes on global warming, but MY money’s on Flash’s old foe, The Weather Wizard! Makes as much sense as anything else, I’m thinking…

    On the way out, incidentally, Herb noticed a student who reminded him of Michelle on 24, commenting on the resemblance to Patricia. I didn’t see the girl myself, but I took Herb’s remark as an opening to query the pair about what long-time readers of my Fred Sez blog will recognize as my favorite current television show during lunch (which they so graciously treated me to – thanks again!). Turns out that Herb just sorta stumbled into the show way after the fact (unlike yours truly who’s been tuning in since day one), watching each season via the DVD route. Luckily, I discovered this fact before I blurted out any spoilers about the most recent episodes! Truth to tell, Herb, Patricia, and Natalia (Patricia’s teen-aged daughter) have only made it through the first four seasons thus far, though I was assured that they have day five sitting at home, merely waiting for the opportunity to be viewed. I’m anxious to hear what they think about it myself because, in many ways, it was the series best season to date. A lot of startling stuff took place on Jack Bauer’s fifth really, really bad day, and I’m curious to learn their reactions. Y’know, that sub I had for lunch was scalding hot, but I think the reason my tongue was sore afterwards wasn’t so much from superficial burns as it was from biting it so hard!…

    All too soon, lunch was over, and Herb dropped Patricia off at school, and me near my car in the parking lot. I think now would be as good as time as any to say a few words about Mr. Trimpe. Y’see, while I’ve known Herb for probably twenty years plus – I THINK I first met him at one of Berni Wrightson’s once-annual-but-lamentably-no-more Halloween Parties, and I KNOW I saw him at one of Joe and Hilarie Staton’s spring gatherings shortly after Julie was born – until last week (including a pair of quick run-ins at PDS last year), I’d likely never spoken to the guy for more than five minutes at a time, if that! Partially, this was my own doing – whenever I encounter anybody who was involved in producing the comics I read while growing up (particularly during the sixties), I’m automatically deferential to the point of being downright intimidated. It’s some sorta deeply ingrained “I’m not worthy!” syndrome at work, I suppose. But I’m here to let you in on something that’s no secret to anybody who knows Herb – he’s one heckuva guy! Amiable, enthusiastic, and just masterful at putting folks at ease – I can readily see how he’d make a great teacher. After, for the first time ever, spending so much quality time with him, the final results are in: Herb Trimpe, Marvel Bullpen Legend, also turned out to be Herb Trimpe, swell guy! And kudos to Patricia for making me feel so comfortable in unfamiliar environs as well! When the pair invited me to return later in the semester for a second go-round, I accepted without hesitation. I have absolutely no idea just WHAT I’ll be teaching the class (maybe how to write a really long-winded blog entry perhaps?…), but I’m sure I’ll think of something. Otherwise, I’ll just fake it, and spend my most of my energy on figuring out more ways to embarrass my offspring!

    As a sort of postscript to the above, I feel compelled to explain how my exciting day wasn’t over when I disembarked from the Trimpemobile, not by a long shot! Before it was time to drive Julie home from school, I had about ninety minutes to (deep breath now) drive to Staples to make some copies, drop in Best Buy to look for the new Neil Young CD (which they didn’t have in stock yet), pick up some organic cabbage and the like at the local health food store, zip on over to the regular supermarket for some corned beef and my annual six-pack of beer (for the then impending St. Patrick’s Day meal), and finally a quick peek into Barnes and Noble, arriving back in the PDS parking lot only moments before Julie exited from class and headed for my (or as she likes to call it, “her”) car. We spied a smiling Herb “Shogun Warriors” Trimpe parked not far away, awaiting a pair of passengers himself, and gave a hearty salute to our cartooning colleague as we left.

    You’dve thought that woulda been it for me, but no – in a bit of unintentionally ironic scheduling, the College Night prep lecture for parents of eleventh-graders was that very evening! So, after not setting foot inside PDS for over a year, this very day I was roaming those hallowed halls not once, but twice! Originally, the plan was for Lynn and me both to attend the evening’s discussion – and maybe I could’ve even begged off and sent my wife instead, save for one undeniably salient fact: Julie had a big pre-calculus test the next day, and considering the difficulty she was having with the subject, she needed SOMEONE to help her study. Given her options – and how I’d likely come in, at best, in a four way tie with our rabbit and two cats as to who’d be the most assistance to her – it was best that Lynn remained at home to help Julie. So, yeah, as wiped out as I felt – I even succumbed to a very atypical hour-long nap around five, feeling nearly as exhausted as I did after chasing kindergarteners around at that game farm over a decade earlier – I went back at seven for the nearly two hour talk. Sarah, who had first signed me in almost twelve hours earlier, jokingly wondered if I had even bothered to go home – at that point, it sure didn’t seem like it!

    But while I learned a lot of valuable information during that evening’s Q&A, not a single person requested a Wolverine sketch from yours truly, so I won’t bother to go into any further detail. Suffice it to say, when you send your kid to college, you end up with (as our friend the Hulk might put it) “Puny bank account!”…

    (I’ve already plugged Hembeck.com to death, but it’s customary to end these things with a link, so who am I to buck tradition?…)

    -Copyright 2007 Fred “Petey” Hembeck

  • Music For The Masses: 3/22/07

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    Happy Thursday, everybody and hang in there”¦the week’s almost over!!! Welcome again to my (by which, I mean, Mr. Smith’s) little slice of the “internets,” a slice that we like to call Music for the Masses. How ya’ll doing? Well, I hope. Me? Why, I’m doing better than Brittany or Lindsay in re-hab, by which I mean, I still have my hair, my skivvies and my dignity. However, I must admit, I am a bit concerned that my body appears to be rebelling against my latest bout of “partying” by taking this innocuous, seasonally-colored beverage”¦

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    Shane McGowan’s breakfast”¦ lunch”¦ dinner”¦ snack”¦

    “¦converting it quickly to piss by a process I think the scientific community calls “piss-mosis,” and forcing my body to rapidly expel it in mighty, prolonged bursts like this…

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    Tell me the truth, friends”¦ do you think it’s a problem that I’m still pissing green almost a week after St. Patrick’s day? Seriously. I’m scarred about this colored, explosive piss-thing and a bit un-nerved that I’m getting solicitations, now, from the Bellagio in Vegas to be a part of their “Fountain Show©.” I’m even more un-nerved that I’m actually contemplating taking the gig. Well”¦whatever. Tell you this, though, and you can take it to the bank”¦ that is the LAST time I drink green beer on St. Patty’s day AND get serviced at a $10 Glory Hole in an inter-state truck stop.

    But enough about all that, cherished friends, for we have some sweet new music to check out. This week, we have a review of the cheery new release from Modest Mouse, We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank, Double A checks in with the latest from Hieroglyphics and J.D. graces us with his presence.

    Sound like fun? Well, hows about we find out?

    mouse 3-22-07

    Artist: Modest Mouse

    Album: We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank

    Sounds Like: A band that I should have been paying a hell of a lot more attention to instead of surfing the net for nude pictures of Jodie Sweetin from Full House”¦after she grew up, you sick fucks.

    I’m going to be perfectly honest with you people. Up until I sat down to whip up this “review,” I didn’t know a whole hell of a lot about Modest Mouse. Sure, I’d heard of them. I remember that song “Float On,” I remember hearing that the lead singer, Isaac Brock, is a shitty drunk and that the man-god, Johnny Marr, had joined the band. But outside of those meager details, I didn’t know jack shit about these guys. So”¦I did what any person in that position would do and broke out the computer for a little research. Four hours later, dehydrated and nursing a sore wrist from viewing Malaysian Monkey porn, I entered “Modest Mouse” in the old, faithful search engine and here’s what I learned:

    For starters, did you know that you can get banned for life from Disney Land® for being an “Immodest Mouse?”

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    If you listen close enough, you can hear Walt’s head crying little, frozen tears.

    How about fans of Eek-A-Mouse being almost twice as likely as other reggae fans to be caught boarding a plane with a baggie of Jamaican Haze shoved up their ass? Talk about some stinky bud!! HEY OH!!

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    Did you just pull dat weed out your ass, mon?

    And, after chasing down some Mighty Mouse links for another idea I had, I discovered that I actually have a strong, sexual attraction to anthropomorphic mice chicks. Isn’t self-discovery fun?

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    “Here I Come”¦”

    Don’t get me wrong, I mean I still love bustin’ nut to the Betty Rubbles and Kim Possibles of the cartoon world, but now, as far as I’m concerned, nothing, and I mean nothing, can beat (no pun intended) a smokin’ pair of hot little mouse titties.

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    Mmm, hmm”¦ that’s what I’m talking about. Now bend over and squeak for me.

    Of course, I learned a bunch of shit about Modest Mouse, the Issaquah, Washington-based band that has been belting out alt rock since 1994 (See, learned that shit there, I did!), too, such as they have a distinct dislike for Dead Heads, Blender Magazine named them as one of the “25 Reasons to Love 2007” and Isaac Brock has a 3 nipples and an un-descended right testicle”¦okay, the last one came from some douche bag’s blog, so take it for what it’s worth. But, hands down, the most important thing I discovered about this band is that I absolutely LOVE this latest disc of theirs, We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank. Seriously. In fact, if it had a fuck-able orifice, I’d marry it. Let’s see them pull THAT quote and slap it on the front of the disc!

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    When Gap ads go bad.

    The thing I like most about this new disc, that je ne sais quoi, if you will, is the unmistakable and prevailing “fuck you” attitude. Isaac Brock is one pissed off dude (at radio stations, the fans that called him a “sell-out” after the success of “Float On” and life, in general) and he wants you to know about it. That’s why it was such a brilliant move to bring in Johnny Marr to “lay down the happy” under Brock’s tortured, and mostly non-sensical lyrics. Hell, Marr was doing the same thing with Morrisey back when Brock was still pissing his Pampers® and sniffing glue behind the local Shop’n Go”¦ or something like that. Of course, it would have been nice to have something on this album that screams “Holy Statutory, Batman! That’s Johnny Marr!,” but that’s me just being a picky bitch.

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    Quirky and purposefully dense bands like Modest Mouse live and die by their ability to weave melodies and hooks into the bizarre tapestry of their music and, in that regard, Modest Mouse is living “high on the hog” with this disc. Case in point, the discs opener, “March Into The Sea,” starts as an off-kilter, jarring and bombastic romp but by the time the chorus hits, BAM!!…you have a nice little melody. 30 seconds later”¦ BAM!!… your back wading through shit. However, by the second track, with its Franz Ferdinand earnestness, Brock and gang hit their stride and string together some of the tightest, most interesting and entertaining tracks that I have heard on a disc since Kidz Bop 9. Way to go, kids!!! That mother fucker was off the hook!!!

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    The fact that albums like this exist is proof to me there is no God. This and Sanjaya from American Idol.

    Again, there is not a weak track on this baby, but the album highlights for me are the tracks “Parting of the Sensory,” which sounds like it’s being sung by Mr. Garrison from South Park before devolving into an Irish folk stomp, the sure fire hit “Florida” that features some really cool backing vocals from the Shins James Mercer and the moody and slowly simmering “Little Motels.” This is a top shelf disc, folks, and I honestly can’t recommend it highly enough.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go and do a little more research on whether or not you get banned for life from Disney Land® for doing this”¦

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    In case you ever wondered why his voice is so high.

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    doublea-m4m

    hiero 3-22-07

    I’m going to confess something here, and I hope you all don’t get too upset. This album, Hieroglyphics Over Time, has absolutely nothing to do with the Wu-Tang Clan. I know, I was as shocked as you. Never fear though, next week I should be back with the brand new album from Redman, so you’ll be able to get your Tang fix then. Now, back to the subject at hand. Over Time was somewhat of a surprise to me, as I didn’t know that it was coming out. Hieroglyphics is a group of rappers that I really don’t know much about. I do know though that one of my favorite rappers, Del the Funky Homosapien, is a member of the group and that in and of itself was enough to get me excited about this album. I gotta admit, even though this isn’t a Wu-Tang project, this is a damn fine album. I do have a few gripes, but we’ll get into that a bit later.

    For an album that is a B-sides/ unreleased/ remix collection, every song on this album is good, and I can honestly say that there are no tracks that I automatically reach for the “skip” button. The thing about Del, and the rest of the Hieroglyphics crew, is that the raps just seem smarter. You don’t get the typical raps about fuckin’ bitches and poppin’ caps in punk asses. I’m not saying that those are bad topics for rap songs, it’s just refreshing to hear something new and different. Del is one of the most original rappers out there, and he shows it on the rhymes that he spits on this album. Picking the best song on this album would be like trying to decide which one of your short and curly hairs to pluck out first. You don’t want to have to do it, so anyone you pick is just as good as the one next to it. Off the top of my head, if you’re looking to sample some songs from this album, I’d say give a listen to “Soundscience” from the Souls of Mischief and “Battle of the Shadow” from Del and APlus.

    del 3-22-07

    My one and only gripe for this album comes on the remix for the Del song “Phoney Phranchise.” The song itself is great and sounds a lot better than the original, but as I was listening to it I noticed something. The damn song is edited. What the fuck is up with that? I call bullshit. There is no reason that this song should be edited as every other fuck and shit on the album is there in its full, four letter glory. It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

    It’s good to see a “new” release that includes Del, and this album only makes me want his long awaited cd 11th Hour even more. Hopefully it will see release at some point this year. In the meantime, do yourself a favor and pick this album up.

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    chair 3-22-07

    Reverb… with J.D.

    If you read last week’s MFTM, you know that MC called me on the proverbial carpet for leaving him hanging with no Reverb. It’s true, but I had a good excuse”¦involving booze and a blonde, buxom waitress who used to be a flight attendant for TWA. I’m not even kidding–T.W. F*ckin’ A!! So ultimately I called him up and said (in my best Spicoli voice) “Sorry, Mr. Hand, I just couldn’t make it to class.”

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    JD had a gnarly excuse for missing last week’s column

    Now, chances are half of you don’t know who Spicoli is”¦or maybe even what TWA is for that matter. A reader who called himself only “N8 Dogg” wrote to me after my Patrick Swayze column saying, “Dude, cut it out with the 80’s references already. Nobody cares about your stupid nostalgia for that lame-ass decade.” And as much as that stung, I know that N8’s got a good point. These are the Double Oughts, after all! So just for him I started wearing my jeans around my ass with my hat cocked sideways, and I began experimenting with ‘cutting’ myself – to let out the pain, of course, but also to get in touch with today’s generation (As it turns out, cutting is actually a lot more fun, and less dangerous, than our 80’s release/pastime of hanging ourselves with a belt while masturbating…kids are just so much smarter these days!)

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    Catching Up With Modern Fashion

    AND, to top it all off I recently went out and saw one of those ‘Modern Rock’ bands – Snow Patrol – that the youngsters love so much these days. When I first got the invite to go to this show, I got really excited because I thought it was Taylor Hicks’ band”¦talk about a chance to view the world through the eyes of a young hipster! Alas, as it turns out the name of that band is “Soul Patrol,” and my ‘American Idol’ aspirations were dashed.

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    Wrong Band Name, But This One’s Just For You, N8 Dogg

    Nonetheless, I was still excited for the concert”¦.it was reportedly Sold Out that night, and at a cool venue here in Denver (The Fillmore Auditorium). Plus, I didn’t know any of their music and was eager to see what the fuss was all about, as well as to see the accompanying ‘scene.’ I must admit though, I was halfway anticipating a suck-a** show, based solely upon the band’s lame name. Because sometimes you can just tell that a band is a pukey, flash-in-the-pan just by their name, can’t you? Think “Fastball” for instance. You knew they were never going to have a hit again. Same with “Brad,” and more recently”¦”Fall Out Boy” (Anyone who disagrees with me regarding these last-mentioned douche bags, I’ll take $20 bets that they aren’t doing sh*t in five years. Who want’s some action??)

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    On Tour Now: Fall Out Boy, sponsored by Massengill!

    Anyway, Snow Patrol met my expectations in some cases, and exceeded them in others. I figured the crowd would be amped for their hits, and disengaged during the rest of the filler. Which was essentially true”¦you could tell people were waiting around for the five or so ‘big’ songs by the band. But the weird thing was that the crowd was essentially disengaged even during the hit songs. For the duration of the show, there was very little dancing, fist pumping, or even palpable excitement shown by the crowd.

    I also expected that most of the music would sound the same”¦the local ‘modern rock’ station that was promoting the show refers to itself as “Area 93.3” (ooooooooh”¦”¦radical!) and most of the sh*t they play sounds exactly the same. Heavy guitar riffs and trumped-up angst sung in monotone voices rule the airwaves”¦.it’s quite depressing. And while it’s true that most of Snow Patrol’s songs sounded exactly like the ones that preceded it, it was clear from the outset that this band has some real musical chops. In fact, a majority of the songs flat out rocked”¦which made the crowd’s lack of enthusiasm all the more puzzling.

    When it was all said and done, I was glad to learn that I had generally underestimated Soul Patrol. They put on a solid show, if not one that I would necessarily clamor to see again. But all in all, it was a nice foray into the younger generation’s scene. So thanks for having me, kids! I’d stick around, but I’ve got to get going now. I’ve got a double date tonight”¦with a TWA stewardess and a belt.

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    Autoerotic Asphyxiation: It’s Not for Kids!

    E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

    NEW MUSIC RELEASES”¦ 3/27/07

    ARTIST

    TITLE

    GENRE

    FILTHY THIEVING BASTARDS I’m A Son Of A Gun

    ALT

    ANTELOPE Reflector

    ALT

    LET’S GO SAILING The Chaos In Order

    ALT

    POKEMON Pokemon X – Ten Years Of Pokemon

    CHILD

    GOOD CHARLOTTE Good Morning Revival

    N/A

    EVERYTHING AT ONCE Everything At Once

    POP

    GOJIRA The Link

    POP

    GRANT-LEE PHILLIPS Strangelet

    POP

    MIKA Life In Cartoon Motion

    POP

    TIMBALAND Timbaland Presents Shock Value

    POP

    TODD CAREY Watching Waiting

    POP

    TOUSSAINT MCCALL Nothing Takes The Place Of You

    POP

    HEATMAKERZ The Rush

    RAP

    J RAWLS & DECLAIME It’s The Dank & Jammy Show

    RAP

    J. FLEXX Billboard Dreams

    RAP

    KILLAH PRIEST The Offering

    RAP

    MESSY MARV / MITCHY SLICK Messy Slick

    RAP

    OMNI Batterie

    RAP

    PRODIGY Return Of The Mac

    RAP

    SPANISH FLY Crimes Of Agony

    RAP

    THA DOGG POUND Dogg Chit

    RAP

    THES ONE Lifestyle Marketing

    RAP

    BRIAN AUGER Reinforcements

    ROCK

    CHE ARTHUR Iron

    ROCK

    CLUTCH From Beale Street To Oblivion

    ROCK

    DAPHNE LOVES DERBY Good Night, Witness Light

    ROCK

    KLAXONS Myths Of The Near Future

    ROCK

    MACHINE HEAD The Blackening

    ROCK

    MADINA LAKE From Them , Through Us, To You

    ROCK

    NIGHT KILLS THE DAY The Study Of Man

    ROCK

    HACRIDE Amoeba

    POP

    KAZZER Broke

    POP

    KOLDBORN The Uncanny Valley

    POP

    PRETTY THINGS, The The Pretty Things

    POP

    RUBINOOS, THE Everything You Ever Wanted

    POP

    SHINER Making Love

    POP

    STERNS, THE Sinners Stick Together

    POP

    Well, there you have it, my friends. Have a good one and we’ll see you next week. Until then, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud!!

    Send photos of your favorite cartoon babe, review copies, assorted hate mail and sundry presents to:

    M.C. Bell
    P.O. Box 1222
    Arvada, CO 80001

    E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

  • Keneteph’s Corner: Fathers Of The Nether Beasts

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    Fathers of the Nether Beasts

    nether-01.jpgThe rules have changed for filmmaking and filmmakers are now achieving success in their own hometown. People no longer have to move to Hollywood, or New York as a sure shot of “making it” in the entertainment business. Arizona filmmakers Brian and Dean Ronalds formed Ronalds Brothers Productions as a means to make and release their own films. Me being an Arizona resident, I was inspired to interview these two because they continue to do what they love – making movies – while feeling no pressure to move to Hollywood.

    Their most recent film, Nether Beast Incorporated, stars View Askew’s own Jason Mewes, and also Steve Burns, the original host of the children’s’ show Blues Clues. Kevin Smith blogged about this movie last November, and now Quick Stop Entertainment brings you the inside scoop on the film and its creators in this interview.

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    THAAHUM: How did you guys get your start making films?

    RONALDS BROTHERS: We’ve have been involved in the entertainment industry for the past 20 years. Growing up in Los Angeles, Albuquerque, and Littleton, we were able to perform onstage and in front of a camera at our schools, dinner theatres and local broadcasting companies.

    THAAHUM: Do you guys specialize in one type of genre or different kinds?

    RONALDS BROTHERS: Our first short we produced, “When Dark Falls” was a 12 minute Horror flick, then we did a Crime Drama, “Bounty” in Denver, shot a 22 minute War short titled “A.W.O.L.”, we did another 3 minute Horror short, “SPLiT”, then we shot a 17 minute Drama, “Portrait”, and then we moved into comedies with the shorts, “The Netherbeast of Berm-Tech Industries, Inc.”(6 minutes) and “Little Victim” starring Robert Wagner and Lori Singer.

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    Dean and Brian Ronalds

    THAAHUM: Who are your influences?

    RONALDS BROTHERS: Directors ~ Mel Brooks, Neil Simon, Jim Jarmusch, Alfred Hitchcock, Actors ~ Gene Wilder, Tim Curry, Jimmy Stewart, Tom Hanks, Mike Myers.

    THAAHUM: Tell us about your current project?

    nether-04.jpgRONALDS BROTHERS: Nether Beast is based on the award-winning short The Netherbeast of Berm-Tech Industries, Inc., which took Best Screenplay at the London International Festival of Science Fiction and Fantastic Film; Best Comedy Short at Filmstock; Best Comedy Short at the Long Island Film Expo and at the Toofy Film Festival; and was the Micro Short Hall of Fame Winner at the International Horror and Sci-Fi Film Festival, among other awards and rave reviews. Both of us were named Best Arizona Filmmakers of the Year at the 2005 Phoenix Film Festival. Nether Beast is our feature film debut.

    THAAHUM: What was it like working with everybody, especially Jason Mewes?

    RONALDS BROTHERS: It was killer working with so many great folks. Steve Burns is so easy going, Judd Nelson is like a walking, talking encyclopedia, Dave Foley doesn’t have a non-funny bone in his body, Amy Davidson is as sweet as they come, Darrell Hammond was caring and supportive, Robert Wagner as always was a gentleman and a scholar, and then there’s Mewes. Mewes was on time and ready to go everyday. It was like hanging out with the homies when he was on set. Off set, he was very personable. We both have 4 year olds who took a liking to Mewes. He played with them and joked around with the little ones. Late one night after we wrapped for the day, Me, Dean, Steve Burns and Mewes were hanging out in the pool. We all decided to have a “Pool Olympics” by seeing who could swim the fastest and the furthest while holding our breaths under water. Mewes won. We then proceeded to see who could do more under water flips in one breath. Mewes won with 7. The dude is one athletic MoFo. Jason was a pleasure on and off the set and we think you’ll like his take on Waxy Dan. It’s definitely different then anything you’ve seen him do before!

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    Steve Burns, Jason Mewes, and Dave Foley on the set

    THAAHUM: Has Nether Beast shown at any film festivals?

    RONALDS BROTHERS: Not Yet. We’re scheduled for:

    WORLD PREMIERE
    AFI DALLAS INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL
    March 30th and 31st at the Landmark Magnolia Theatre
    for more info go to www.afidallas.com

    WEST COAST PREMIERE
    10th ANNIVERSARY SONOMA VALLEY FILM FESTIVAL
    April 12th and 13th
    for more info go to www.sonomafilmfest.org

    ARIZONA PREMIERE
    2007 PHOENIX FILM FESTIVAL
    April 14th and 15th at the CineCapri in Scottsdale
    for more info go to www.phoenixfilmfestival.com

    THAAHUM: What has the response been?

    RONALDS BROTHERS: So far, we’ve done small test screenings and the response has been very positive.

    THAAHUM: Now I read you prefer to stay here in AZ to make movies, which goes against the grain of those who move to LA or NY to make their films. What made you choose to stay here to continue your filmmaking career?

    RONALDS BROTHERS: As filmmakers, if you have an idea and a camera, it’s movie makin’ time whether your in Greeley, Colorado or Albuquerque, New Mexico!

    THAAHUM: How do you think things are changing for aspiring artist to have success with their craft in their hometown?

    RONALDS BROTHERS: One word. Technology. If you have a drive and willingness to follow through on what you say and dream, you can make things happen wherever you’re at!

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    Steve Burns & Jason Mewes with Leif Ronalds (Brian’sSon), loungin’ after a shoot.

    THAAHUM: Where can people find out more information on the film?

    RONALDS BROTHERS: www.netherbeast.com, http://www.myspace.com/netherbeast, http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=netherbeastmovie

    THAAHUM: What are your future goals and aspiration?

    RONALDS BROTHERS: We’re currently working with writer Bruce Dellis, Executive Producers Kevin Berman, F. Miguel Valenti, Chris and Rodney Rothert, and Dan Wilhoit on our next Feature Comedy, to be shot Fall 2007.

    Copyright 2007 Keneteph Entertainment

  • Nocturnal Admissions: Book Review – In The Studio

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    There’s breaking news in Todd Hignite’s In the Studio: Visits with Contemporary Cartoonists (Yale University Press, 320 pages, $29.95, ISBN 978-0300110166). The news appears in the first chapter, dedicated to Robert Crumb (does anyone call him “R .” anymore?) and concerns Crumb’s forthcoming comic book version of Book of Genesis, to be published by Norton.

    Yale cover

    Hignite’s interview took place June 28th, 2005 at Crumb’s studio in a village in rural Southeastern France (the name of the village is buried in the book but generally Crumb doesn’t like journalists to publicize it). Crumb announces to interviewer Hignite that he plans to do a literal version of the book, and Hignite reprints some sketches of the volume, the world’s first look at Crumb’s Genesis.

    At that time, Crumb had only done the first four pages of the book (!), and was still breaking it down. But he predicted that drawing the Book of Genesis would take years, and that he intended to do a literal version, not clean it up for modern readers. For example, Genesis repeats itself by offering two different versions of the Creation story, so Crumb will dutifully follow suit. As he talks about the Bible, Crumb sounds like a thoughtful scholar weighing this or that influence on elements of Genesis, not the trend-setting cartoonist of the late 1960s who showed nuns chopping off penises.

    I’d heard through the grapevine that Crumb had gone into seclusion to finish Genesis, and it is a now well known fact that Crumb doesn’t like giving interviews (the last formal interview he did was way back in 1999 for the L. A. Weekly, and appears at the end of my anthology, Robert Crumb: Conversations), but the next thing I know he is all over NPR and the British newspapers publicizing his new book, The Sweeter Side of R. Crumb in conjunction with his wife Aline’s new book, Need More Love: A Graphic Memoir, both from M Q Publications. Now comes this important and enjoyable book, which also contains interviews with Art Spiegelman, Chris Ware, Gary Panter, Charles Burns, Daniel Clowes, Seth, Ivan Brunetti, and Jaime Hernandez. The physical book itself honors the artists and their art, coming on thick glossy paper filled with gorgeous illustrations, not only of the work of the artists themselves but of the copious illustrators and the “detritus” of the culture who influenced them.

    Todd Hignite is the editor of the high quality, beautifully designed journal Comic Art, which takes the world of comic strips seriously and spans all eras of the art form. Be it the Mexican poster art of Ernesto Cabral, the history and influence of Kerry Drake, of the brief benighted career of underground cartoonist Rory Hayes, Comic Art treats them as if they were all major contributions to the culture, not disreputable crude throwaway artifacts. If it weren’t for the copious and delightful illustrations you’d think you were reading The Journal of American Literature. Some of the interviews printed in In the Studio first appeared in Comic Art. Every single one of them is fascinating (though I’d like to particularly recommend Burns and Spigelman for special attention because they are also, like Crumb, long students of the comic book). Though Hignite doesn’t spur his cartoonists to go into too much detail about their creative process, despite the book’s title, his interviews nevertheless offer expansive background on the comics and art that influenced them.

    In his interview, Crumb doesn’t go into much detail as to why he is pursing Genesis, but Crumb did admit in his Coffee Table Book that he believes in everything, be it UFOs or Big Foot, and an interest in the first book of the Bible may be a return to his Catholic roots, which caused him much fretfulness when he was a kid debating ethical situations with his brother and friends.

    The interview is very interesting in pointing out a key difference between Crumb and other cartoonists, especially those drawn to superhero stories. Friends of his are superhero fans and not as much into the humor comics that he liked as a kid. “It’s almost a different kid of nervous system that dictates it, a neurological difference. The kind of kids who liked superheroes wanted to be superheroes or emulate that, see themselves in that role or something. Some kind of Boy Scout thing.” Superhero buffs are much more prevalent than the funny animal fans, and so even within the outsider status of comic book fandom Crumb is doubly an outsider. The superhero fans are probably much more extroverted, while the funny animal fans are perhaps more introverted and yet paradoxically more literary as well as more attuned to comic book heritage. Crumb’s appreciation for the intricacies of Carl Barks’s Donald Duck comics shows an awareness of beauty within disposable art, and Crumb’s appreciation of it is itself kind of beautiful.

    Though Crumb can repeat himself in his interviews and comics, Hignite manages that most remarkable thing, getting the venerable artist to speak eloquently with fresh ideas and observations.