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VIDEO BLOG #58: “My Dog Trouble” ““
What does a production staff do with one 160-lb. dog on the third floor who needs to go home, but the elevator is down and the dog is terrified of the three flights of stairs? Find out in this week’s video blog…
Download Scrubs Video Blog #58:Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â
by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee
Larger sized comic | ARCHIVES | OLDER ARCHIVES
To see Spook’d host Alastor’s blogging silliness and more fun Spook’d stuff,visit the Spook’d Web site!
Check out the preview to…
E-MAIL WRITER | ABOUT JEFF | ABOUT SETH | SPOOK’D BLOG | SPOOK’D FORUM | ARCHIVES | OLDER ARCHIVES
Disclaimer: All material in Spook’d is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.
Everyone knows that holidays and movies go together like monkeys and tuxedos, and yet, year after year, we see the same three or four of them on screen, as though those were the only ones worth mentioning. Is Halloween the only scary holiday? Did they forget Valentine’s Day? Tax day? What about a horror movie set on President’s Day, when all of the mattress and car salesmen come out of their caves to make loud, annoying commercials and feed on unsuspecting consumers?
Admittedly, when Hollywood does try to mix things up, it’s rarely pretty. SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT is, for all intents and purposes, basically MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET with a few more axe murders (although barely half as many as in the original MIRACLE book), but NIGHT has so far failed to make it onto the schedule even half as much as the feel-good “classic” does. Even worse, IT’S SECRETARY’S DAY, CHARLIE BROWN hardly ever gets played anymore, and the less said about BENJI’S TAX DAY ADVENTURE the better.
Still, hard as it may be to believe, there have been worse:
A FINE MOVING PHOTOPLAY OF LADIES ENJOUYING AN OUT-OF-DOORS PICK-NICK LUNCHEOUN ON THE DAY OF LABOURS (1892): Perhaps the earliest known “holiday” film in existence, this was merely one of Edison’s early cheapies, a depiction of several women eating lunch on Labor Day, which, at the time, actually honored America’s butlers. The film had a short run before being withdrawn over a scandalous glimpse of one of the ladies’ exposed philtrum. Also, in one frame, it was claimed that you could see the silhouette of a child who had died on the site years ago. Later, this was proven to be a cardboard cut-out of President McKinley.
LAUREL & HARDY’S FATHER’S DAY FRACAS (1936): Following a bitter feud, the duo’s legendary producer, Hal Roach, attempted to assert ownership of the characters with this misguided story in which neither Laurel nor Hardy actually appear. Instead, their elderly “fathers” accidentally kidnap Pope Pius XI. The film was never released. Interestingly, this marks the one time that the word “Fracas” was used in a movie title that wasn’t gay porn.
THE ROAD TO PUNXSUTAWNEY (1947): The only Hope and Crosby “road” movie to take place domestically, the film tells the story of two escaped convicts who systematically murder and then dismember dozens of people in a PCP-fueled rampage as they attempt to make it to Pennsylvania for the annual Groundhog Day festival. Features Crosby’s chart-topping toe-tapper “Where’s My Damn Money, Bitch?”
MEMORIAL DAY VACATION (1995): This ABC “Movie of the Week” starred C. Thomas Howell as Clark, and depicted the Griswold’s trip to Iwo Jima. The film culminates with Audrey being sold into white slavery while Clark is thrown in a Singapore prison for fondling the prime minister. Widely considered the second least funny of the VACATION films.
CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD (1998): Although it is never mentioned on screen or the script, and has never been acknowledged by Carrot Top or anyone else associated with the production, the film takes place on Arbor Day. Anyone who says differently is lying, and a communist. And sells crack to infants.
BILLY BOB THORNTON EXPLAINS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME (2002): Thornton, a well-known time enthusiast, produced, wrote, directed, edited, and catered this feature-length documentary on the benefits of Daylight Savings Time, which, according to the actor, include “improved Japanese-American relations, higher sperm counts in many species of toad, better tasting coffee, and an overall decrease in the number of reported zombies.”
NICK AND JESSICA’S VALENTINE’S ADVENTURE (unproduced): Originally planned to be a modern-day remake of MY FAIR LADY, the script was rewritten several times at the insistence of the soon-to-be-divorced Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. Jessica insisted that Nick’s character, Rick, change from a promising architect to a syphilis-ridden mental patient. The next draft saw Jessica’s character, Cathy, violently die in a flaming bus crash in the first two pages, never to appear again. After another rewrite, Nick’s character, now called “Rancid Bag of Vomit,” confesses on national television that he is into unspeakable sex acts, many of which involve lighting small animals on fire. He spends the rest of the film being savagely beaten. Subsequent drafts see representations of acts that could never be depicted on screen. The project is currently being developed as a vehicle for Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown.
Happy holidays, everyone!
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Los Angeles, the past, old mysterious crimes still “unsolved.” Would these be the obsessions of movie makers if they didn’t all live for the most part in Los Angeles? If the movie industry had settled in, say, Wisconsin, would films be filled with snow, reindeer, and Ed Gein? Or perhaps San Francisco, with its fog, beatniks, and alternative sexualities? Of Miami: lizards, go fast boats, and Cuba as a dream – nightmare?
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The other film this year about Superman, as others have pointed out, is  Hollywoodland. Directed by Allen Coulter from a script by Paul Bernbaum, it tells, as is well known, two stories simultaneously, that of the late career of George Reeves – minor actor who lucked into the syndicated role of Superman on TV, a career sustained by his affair with Toni Mannix, wife of the then head of MGM, and which ended with a mysterious suicide – coupled with the tale of a fictional sleazy private investigator, who starts out cynical and mercenary but who comes to admire, identify with, and respect the subject of his inquiries (like James Stewart in Call Northside 777 and Jack Nicholson in Chinatown).
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The connection to Chinatown is almost explicit. Many of the music cues evoke Jerry Goldsmith’s score for that movie, Diane Lane as Toni has a Faye Dunaway look and sound, there is a crucial fight between a man and a woman in a bungalow not unlike the famous one from the earlier film, and there is even a little crux borrowed from it, in this case where the PI, Louis Simo (Adrien Brody), after a brutal interlude, finally takes a moment to rest “¦ and then the phone rings, mirroring a similar scene in Chinatown.
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Unfortunately, the Simo story is boring, and Brody is miscast. He is too lean and cocky to seem like a tough PI; it’s nice that he changes, but his evolution doesn’t seem to have that much to do with Reeves’s case.
On the other hand, the Superman half of the movie is poignant and good natured. Ben Affleck is also miscast, but he does something with the part that isn’t just coasting on charm (Affleck won an acting prize at the Venice film festival), but generally doing three things at once: scheming, searching, but also just enjoying himself.
Because Reeve’s romantic complications and depression are unconnected with
Simo’s existential crisis, I think that most viewers find themselves a little impatient with Simo’s half of the movie (unless they are huge fans of Brody’s). A better story would have been to show a PI as an adult investigating, on his own, the crime that troubled him as a youth by running down all the survivors (though I don’t buy it that little kids all over the nation were burning their Superman costumes in grief and disillusionment) .
If Hollywoodland harks back to Chinatown for its tone and tropes, The Black Dahlia is unavoidably comparable to L. A. Confidential. But Brian De Palma’s film feels cartoony and unlived in, with its picture perfect settings and its nostalgic wipe dissolves. Many of De Palma’s films feel cartoony, and De Palma manages to tilt the film away from the world of source novelist James Ellroy, where schemes and conspiracies pile on top of each other in spirals of infinity, and to De Palmaville, where naifs wander through a landscape they don’t fully understand, only to be betrayed by the one person they deem a best friend.
Josh Friedman’s script is reasonably faithful to Ellroy’s sweeping, intense novel, which has huge swaths of back story presented as present story, but while the book is told in the first person, the movie, which starts out with narration, becomes quickly third person, and we are looking in on Bucky Bleichert (Josh Hartnett) as he gets set up in a boxing match with charismatic fellow officer Lee Blanchard (Aaron Eckhart, the film’s Kevin Spacey equivalent role) as a benefit, then becomes his friend (while Bucky is living in what looks like the Pretty Woman apartment building), then his partner, during which routine investigation they stumble onto the perimeter of the real life Black Dahlia case (or that of Elizabeth Short, a young woman whose body was found on January 15, 1947, cut in half and mutilated, abandoned to a vacant lot at the 3800 block of South Norton Avenue in the Leimert Park area of Los Angeles). The case was never solved and formed the basis for other popular works, including the book and film of True Confessions, and even an episode of Hunter.
Once the Black Dahlia enters the picture, Lee leaves it, for long stretches of time, which doesn’t help us understand his sudden obsession with the Dahlia case (explained at the end, if you can follow it), while Bucky gets mired in affairs with both a hot socialite (Hilary Swank, also miscast) who dabbles in Lesbianism, and with Lee’s mysterious girlfriend, Kay (Scarlett Johansson). By this time, The Black Dahlia has become three movies in one, a boxing film, a murder mystery, and a romance. Plus it throws a lot of names at you – Bobby Dewitt, Nash, Baxter Fitch, George Tilden (87 cigarettes into the film and I still don’t know who this guy is suppose to be, though I recognized the actor playing him as De Palma standby William Finley). This is the kind of mystery where a statement made in passing at a dinner table returns via a flashback to illuminate the whole case at the last second.
Though it is fun to see this cast, and others, including Rose McGowan and Mia Kirshner, you have a feeling that they are all second tier. But the cast of L. A. Confidential was also second tier until the film made stars out of all of them, and that may be a mark of the difference between Curtis Hanson, who wants you to believe his films, and De Palma, who is essentially drawing a cartoon and thinking about the set pieces. It doesn’t help that Swank acts all vampy and sophisticated in an unconvincing way (though she is good in the vulnerable moments), or that Fiona Shaw, as a dipsomaniacal socialite, gives one of the worst performances in a De Palma, or any other kind of film. I was also disturbed that a stag film that figures in the plot was too well lit for a porno film (although there might be an explanation for that implicit in the mystery’s solution), and that people were still going to silent movies – in this case, The Man Who Laughs, from 1928, the Paul Leni film starring Conrad Veidt. I don’t think that De Palma is much of a film buff, at root, otherwise he would have striven to get these details right. He is a student of film, but only as a source of solutions to the specific problems of construction he faces on a per film basis. But remembering how much he ridiculed his pal George Lucas over rough cuts of Star Wars makes me think that essentially he doesn’t really like movies all that much, at least pop culture movies.
But the case isn’t closed.
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Always eager to try something different, we’re launching a new series of Quickcast Commentaries here at Quick Stop. Essentially, they’re audio commentaries for existing movies, TV shows, short films ““ whatever the case may be ““ that you can download and sync up to your own personal copies of said films, programmes, etc. In the future, we’ll be offering commentaries from writers, artists, directors, actors ““ a whole range of creators ““ on films they’ve worked on, films they love, or films they loathe. We hope it will be a fun little corner of the Stop, and we’re eager to hear your feedback.
This week, we’ve got a commentary for Peter Hyams’ 2010: The Year We Make Contact, featuring Quick Stop editor-in-chief Ken Plume and QS columnist (“Widge Goes Off”) Widgett Walls.
All you have to do is download the mp3 file below, cue up the film/episode/whatever on your TIVO, VHS, DVD, or computer, then hit play on the commentary (or you can download the free Sharecrow DVD player, which allows you to sync up commentaries on your computer). Hope you dig it”¦
DOWNLOAD:
mp3 Format (106 MB)
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/commentaries/qsecommentary-2010.mp3]
The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…
Jonathan Coulton is an evil, evil man who must be destroyed. That’s because he’s immensely talented, an amazingly gifted songwriter, and his incredible creativity both intimidates a normal, ungifted person like myself and drives me to distraction with catchy tunes and wordplay. Damn him to hell, I can’t stop listening to his CDs. Those include his first album Smoke Monkey ($10.00), his first EP, Where Tradition Meets Tomorrow ($7.00), and the first collection of his online songwriting experiment, Thing-a-Week ($10.00). You can purchase all of these discs, plus other merch, as well as partake of more sonic goodness at www.JonathanCoulton.com. That talented bastard. Dammit.
After a shaky first season finding their own voice, the second season of the US version of The Office (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP) came fully into its own, becoming a unique entity unto itself and a damn funny comedy to boot. What’s even better is that they did it without betraying the formula that made the original version of the show so successful – they just began writing for their own versions of the characters and have taken the arc into new territory. The 3-disc box set features all 22 episodes, plus deleted scenes, commentaries, NBC.com webisodes, fake PSAs, Olympic promos, a blooper reel, and more.
If you’re going to write a sequel to a classic comic book story, you damn well better make sure that you don’t drop the ball. Luckily, Don Rosa’s return to Carl Barks’s land of Tralla La – “Return to Xanadu” – is a worthy successor to The Master’s original tale (which featured Scrooge’s complete derailment of the idyllic – and moneyless – Tralla La-ian society via the introduction of a single bottle cap from a bottle of his nerve tonic). After being run off by the none-too-happy populace of the isolated Himalayan valley, Scrooge, Donald, and Huey, Dewey, & Louie find themselves returning to paradise by sheer accident – and their return is no less traumatic than the first time. You can find Don Rosa’s giant-sized epic in this month’s Uncle Scrooge #357 (Gemstone, $6.95).
Before it his a brick wall in its final season, Roseanne (Anchor Bay, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP) was must-see TV in my house, which was still going strong in its fifth season. Roseanne and Dan celebrate their 20th, Roseanne opens the Lunch Box (gotta love those loose meat sandwiches), Jackie & Roseanne’s dad dies, David movies in, Darlene turns 16… Oh, and even Tim Curry shows up. What’s not to love? All 25 episodes are uncut (please tell me we’ll eventually get a reissued, corrected season 1 set), and there’s both video commentaries with Roseanne and a Q&A featurette.
Like The Simpsons, Roseanne Barr’s eponymous sitcom made a beloved annual tradition of its Halloween episodes, all of which are collected on Roseanne: Halloween Edition (Anchor Bay, Not Rated, DVD-$14.98 SRP). That’s 7 episodes of spooky goodness, and you even get commentary from Roseanne.
Opting for a more manageable handling of the latest seasonal set, the fourth season of Spongebob Squarepants (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$36.99 SRP) gets a 2-disc Volume 1, featuring 20 episodes plus animatics for 2 episodes and a behind-the-scenes look at the denizens of Bikini Bottom.
And speaking of Spongebob, the voice behind the square-pantsed one – Tom Kenny – has co-written and co-produced a positively infectious album starring the denizens of Bikini Bottom, recast as the pop group “Spongebob & The Hi-Seas” who are appearing in concert on WH20 Radio. Before you go thinking The Best Day Ever (Nick Records, $13.98 SRP) is just some lame vanity project, let me tell you that the songwriting is positively infectious – Kenny is a huge fan of Brian Wilson and The Beach Boys, and the melodies and arrangement is in that vein… In fact, Wilson even provides backing vocals. Kenny’s love of the sound radiates in each track. Crikey, I think I love this album… And want a follow-up ASAP.
Never a fan of the series, I was surprised by just how much I enjoyed Beavis and Butt-Head Do America (Paramount, Rated PG-13, DVD-$19.99 SRP). Like South Park to come, it’s a sly little satire, all through the lens of its naïve leads. It’s been a long wait for this to finally hit DVD in a decent edition, but they pulled out all the stops, with an audio commentary, TV spots, shorts, a fight montage, trailers, and a look at the film’s score.
Titan Books has practically cornered the market on comprehensive, behind-the-scenes episode guide and companion tomes for science fiction shows, and they continue that with the release of the first volume for Joss Whedon’s Firefly (Titan Books, $19.95) – which features the uncut scripts for the first 6 episodes – and the official companion for the second season of Stargate Atlantic (Titan Books, $14.95 SRP). If that weren’t enough, they’ve also released the official companion for the first two seasons of 24 (Titan Books, $16.95 SRP).
Forming a triumvirate with Matlock and Murder, She Wrote, Diagnosis Murder (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$49.99 SRP) was must-see TV for the geriatric set, featuring Dick Van Dyke as the rascally doc that became involved with a disquieting amount of murders, proving that you should never be friends with Jessica Fletcher or come anywhere near Dyke’s Dr. Mark Sloan – at least if you want to make it out alive. The 5-disc set features all 19 first season episodes, plus the Jake and the Fatman episode that introduced Sloan.
It’s complete popcorn, but that’s the appeal of Lucky Number Slevin (Weinstein Company, Rated R, DVD-$29.95 SRP) – a bang-up dust-up that finds a young man named Slevin (Josh Hartnett) caught between two rival crime bosses (Morgan Freeman & Ben Kingsley), on the run from an assassin (Bruce Willis) and fending off the advances of his neighbor (Lucy Liu). It’s a pulpy romp perfect for a Fall viewing on a cold Saturday night. Bonus features include audio commentaries, deleted scenes (with an alternate ending), a making-of featurette, and the theatrical trailer.
As Mark Evanier is fond of saying, even sub-par Laurel and Hardy is better than no Laurel and Hardy. The three films found in the second Laurel and Hardy Collections (Fox, Not Rated, DVD-$34.98 SRP) are certainly not the boys’ best work. The three flicks featured are The Dancing Masters, The Bullfighters, and A-Haunting We Will Go, and all 3 feature commentaries with L&H scholars, featurettes, trailers, and Fox Movietone News footage.
Despite the inordinate amount of buzz it’s generated and the dedicated fanbase it’s engendered, I still can’t get into Grey’s Anatomy (Buena Vista, Not Rated, DVD-$59.99 SRP). Every time I’ve tried to sit down and watch an episode, I’ve come out the other side feeling like I’ve just viewed an overindulgent soap opera that consistently “borrows” plots and jokes from Scrubs. Still, there are legions of fans out there, and I’m sure they’ll devour the new 6-disc set featuring all 27 episodes from Grey‘s sophomore season, including four extended episodes, a cast Q&A, interviews, deleted scenes, behind-the-scenes featurettes, and more.
Some dismiss it as prog-rock pap, but I can’t help but get a warm and fuzzy feeling from Jeff Lynne’s completely bombastic orchestral tour de forces contained in every Electric Light Orchestra album. They’re just so unashamedly over-the-top that it’s hard to resist their goofy, catchy charm. Another trio of ELO albums have gotten the remastered treatment – Face The Music, A New World Record and On The Third Day (Sony Legacy, $11.98 SRP each) – with each disc containing a clutch of bonus tracks.
Any all-ages book of general knowledge and trivia that promises that the meaning of life can be found on page 42 automatically gets kudos from me, and the fact that the rest of Pick Me Up (DK, $29.99 SRP) is just as fun and informative – even for an adult. From a series of “what ifs” that explore the first two World Wars to naked mole rats to the reason no one can live forever (simple statistics), it’s chock full of so much fascinating goodness that once you pick it up, it’s hard to put down. I’ve always wanted to know what a Viking girl might post in her blog…
Akeelah And The Bee (Lionsgate, Rated PG, DVD-$28.98 SRP) reminded me of a sweet mash-up of Finding Forrester, Searching For Bobby Fisher, and an After-School Special. Young Akeelah Anderson has one dream – to make it to the National Spelling Bee, and like Pollyanna before her, she united all around her in her quest. Bonus features include deleted scenes, behind-the-scenes featurettes, a music video, and a gag reel.
While lesser lights of the DC animated universe (granted, I still can’t stand the latter), fans can pick up the complete second seasons of Teen Titans and The Batman (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$19.98 SRP each). Both 2-disc sets feature all 13 episodes, but the sole bonus features are season one recap featurettes.
With his recent expulsion from Paramount – and the fact that he’s nuttier than a Xenu fruitcake – Fox might be reconsidering their idea of placing a sticker touting the fact that Taps (Fox, Rated PG, DVD-$19.98 SRP) was his second film role. The film is still a nice little character piece, benefiting from a new special edition featuring a commentary from director Harold Becker, a behind-the-scenes featurette, a look at the origins of playing “Taps,” and TV spots. Time to start scraping those stickers off, tho.
With the merger of Disney and Pixar, I sincerely hope that we won’t see the awkward, cheapie likes of The Wild (Walt Disney, Rated G, DVD-$29.99 SRP) again, with its poor animation and lame script. Bonus features on the disc include deleted scenes with optional commentary, and a blooper reel.
In it’s soap-filled three seasons, Las Vegas (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP) has truly become a latter-day Love Boat, packed to the rafters with B- and C-list guest stars (the third season alone features Ron Jeremy, Rachel Leigh Cook, Dennis Rodman, Dean Cain, and more), all under the watchful eye of Captain Steubing, played here by James Caan. The 3rd season set features all 23 episodes, plus a time-lapse featurette on the building of the new hotel and a gag reel.
If chasing down individual figures in order to complete a set of your favorite bust-ups is just too time-consuming for you, then Gentle Giant has made your life a whole lot easier by packaging sets together – in fact, right now you can pick up the complete set of all 7 Star Wars: Bounty Hunters (Gentle Giant, $29.99 SRP), featuring brand-new sculpts of your favorite rogues, plus Darth Vader. You know you want them.
So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…
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Welcome back, friends! I’m so glad to see you again and I hope all is well with each and every one of you out there. For me, things are absolutely fantastic. Know why? That’s right!  It’s football season, baby, and I’ll tell you right now that makes me happier than John Michael Karr chewing on a pair of Dora the Explorer® panties. Yes sir. . .like the proverbial pig-in-shit!! And boy, I’m even more excited than usual this year because besides the normally full college football schedule (a quick aside to you CU fans out there. . .”HA HA!! SUCK IT!!!), you now have the new NFL channel, double-header Monday Night Football on ESPN and Sunday night games on NBC. I’ll tell you, my friends, there is more football on your basic cable television than you can shake a baby at (and yes, professor, I just ended that sentence in a preposition).Â
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Today, unlike in years past, we football fans have an unprecedented number of opportunities to catch not only some great match-ups, but more chances to scope that *cough* HILARIOUS *cough* Peyton Manning “porn-stache” commercial at every conceivable break, Bill Cower’s horrific under-bite jutting from the sidelines and onto the field of play and, of course. . .Â
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. . .the wit and witticism of John Madden, pictured here on break during the recording of one of his four sayings featured in Madden “˜07.
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In fact, the only thing about this new football season that I am NOT looking forward to is seeing more of Pink as “she” sings her homage to football during the opening of NBC’s Sunday night coverage. I caught the song this week and from it, I can discern two things: I sure as hell hope Joan Jett got some kind of compensation for that and, to paraphrase the immortal words of Austin Powers, “That’s DEFINITELY a man, baby!”  Seriously. Large hands, Adam’s apple. . .huge, giant dick.  Sure, it’s made of rubber, has a big, brass buckle on the back and “Tonsil Train” engraved on the side, but it’s still a dick.Â
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“I wanna see you in your pink tuxedo. I wanna sink you with my Pink torpedo.”
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So, I’m not sure what marketing genius thought up this move, but whoever they are, they dropped the ball in a major way because I am confident that I speak for most of the male, viewing audience when I say that we view “chicks” who can AND want to kick the living shit out of us as a general “turn off.” Nice try, though. And thanks, NBC, for not listening to the guy who wanted Clay Aiken to sing that opening.  We dodged a bullet there for the only choice worse than having Pink man-grunt her way through “Waiting All Day for Sunday Night” would have been getting your audience pumped up for football while sitting through Aiken’s “I Want You To Put A Vicious Hit On My Tight End.”
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Measure of a Man, huh?Â
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But enough about all of that. Screw football for the time being, friends, for we have more important things to do like. . .well, like checking out some new releases. This week, we spend some time with the new ones from Iron Maiden and the Barenaked Ladies. Plus, Double A hits us with the new one from Method Man and we have a Dave Mathews concert review from a faithful reader. Should be fun. So, what do you say? Let’s get to it, shall we??!!Â
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Artist: Iron Maiden Album: A Matter Of Life And Death Bastard Love Child of: Black Sabbath and King Crimson. Best for: Pumping up your “street cred” at the local Hot Topic by cruising in there with an ACTUAL concert shirt. |
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No. . .this is not a scene from Spinal Tap II. But it easily could be.
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I’m not ashamed to tell you that, much like pubic hair, I came into Iron Maiden late. Then again, having Iron Maiden in my life has never made a “clean wipe” a challenge, so maybe that’s a bad comparison. Whatever. I guess my point here is that I never gave Iron Maiden’s music a fair shake until well into my college years; always dismissing them as a “poor man’s Sabbath.” Hey, fuck off. I never said I was a smart man, Jenny.
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Needless to say, in the years since “my discovery,” I have actually become a big fan of the band, more so of the band WITH Dickinson, and have been anxiously awaiting the release of this, their 14th studio album, A Matter Of Life And Death. So, right about now, you are probably asking yourself “was it worth the wait?” Well, chuckle nuts, I’m glad you asked.
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Quite simply, this is the best Maiden disc in years. Hell, I’d gladly argue that it is the strongest album that Maiden has released since the “˜80’s and it is EASILY one of the best metal discs I’ve heard this year. I mean, sure, the band is getting a little long in the tooth, but it doesn’t show in the music. Not in the least. Dickinson’s voice is as strong as ever and the impressive, 3-guitar attack of Dave Murray, Adrian Smith and Janick Gers delivers enough punch to make your sphincter tighten. I’m not sure what that really means. . .I just like the word “sphincter.”
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The band has always had progressive leanings, but on this album, they lean a bit harder as they switch up tempos, keys and styles while galloping through the 10, epic songs on this 70+ minute disc. All of the songs are engaging with soaring melodies and catchier-than-usual choruses, but my personal favorites include the slow-burning The Reincarnation of Benjamin Breeg, the punishing Different World and the driving The Longest Day.
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Simply put, this album is a must-have for any fan of good, old-fashioned, ass-kicking metal.
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Rating:Â 4 out of 5
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Artist: Barenaked Ladies Album: Barenaked Ladies Are Me Bastard Love Child of: They Might Be Giants and R.E.M.. Best for: Proving that the fully-clothed “˜Ladies are a hell of a lot of fun, too! |
Man. . .I absolutely LOVE Barenaked Ladies. In fact, if I had to guess, I probably spend a MINIMUM of 4 hours a day searching them out on free sites on the internet. Hey, why buy the whole cow when you can get a sample of the jerky for free?  Know what I’m saying?  So, imagine my surprise, whilst chasing down a “golden shower” string, when I found a BAND named Barenaked Ladies. No shit. Here’s a picture of them. . .
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Settle down, now. . .I’m just joking. The Barenaked Ladies are actually one of my all time favorite bands. . .even if they are Canadian.   They are a talented group of musicians, especially keyboardist Kevin Hearn and bass player Jim Creegan, who are funny, quirky and, hands down, put on one of the best, damn live shows I have ever seen. I shit you not. A live BNL show is NOT to be missed. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry. . .it’ll become a part of you.Â
That’s why I’m a bit perplexed by this new disc, Barenaked Ladies Are Me (Get it? Barenaked Ladies ARMY?). You see, it’s not that goofy. It’s not that quirky. In fact, the damn thing is actually a very *CRINGE* mature effort. What the hell, Ladies? Where’s my Yoko Ono? Huh? How about my monkey? You know I’ve always wanted a monkey. Seriously. I want one of you guys to explain just how in the hell I’m supposed to dance to the radio station that plays in my teeth if it’s playing this album? Huh? Fuckers.
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Yep, I’m sorry to say it, friends, but it appears that the Ladies are “all growed up” and all we are left with is. . .easily their most consistent effort to date. Sure, the wacky humor has been trimmed back to dry wit and the “rocking” is MIA, but these songs do a better job of showcasing the band’s musical craftsmanship and songwriting than any of their other albums. Oh yeah, and, lest we forget, in true BNL style, the songs are all catchier than Hep C. Right, Tommy?
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Tommy says, “RIGHT!!”Â
Even though the disc is more mellow in nature than previous BNL efforts, you should know going in that it is chock full of easily accessible tunes and that there are some real gems here. . .particularly, the album’s opener, “Adrift,” featuring some smart lyrics and incredible harmonies, the creative instrumentation of “Bank Job,” the nice and easy track. . .umm, “Easy,” which is also the first single and, my personal favorite, “Wind it Up.”
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Obviously, long-time fans of the band will get more out of this disc than casual listeners, but if you are one of those people who shied away from this band because they were just too damn wacky, give this disc a chance. I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s nice to finally see that these guys have grown up a bit.
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Rating:Â 3.5 out of 5
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Im going to admit something to you dear Quick Stoppers that I’m not proud of. I did not buy Method Man’s new album 4:21″¦the Day After on the day that it came out. Nor did I buy it the next Tuesday either. It took me 10 days to finally get around to buying this album. I like Meth, (the rapper, not the cough medicine derived drug that is produced in trailer parks across this great country). I enjoy his music. But there were so many other CDs and DVDs to buy in the last few weeks that I just kept pushing Meth further and further down my priority list. Now, after giving this album a good listen, I wish I had picked it up on the day it came out. I won’t go as far as to say this is the best rap album to come out this year, (Dr. Octagon is the best), but this is a very, VERY close second.
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With nightmares of the ill-fated and ill-conceived sitcom “Method and Red” running through my head, I listened intently to the songs on the disc. The first thing I noticed that separates this album from just about every other mainstream rapper out there is the beats. In a world of over the top beats where each song tries to be more complex than the latest hit, it’s nice to see someone take a step back and do it simply. That’s what made Dr. Octagon good, that’s what makes 4:21″¦the Day After good. Simple bass lines with simple melodies, often just a guitar or piano sample. Makes for a nice, retro feel. It also doesn’t hurt that Meth, or Mef, as he is often called, can rap.
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Seriously, Mef can bust a rhyme quicker and better than I can bust a flimsy lawn chair. All of the flows are smooth and the lyrics are tight. It also doesn’t hurt that this album is very “Wu tang-y.” Just about the whole gang is present and accounted for, with the only real exceptions being GZA and Ghost Face Killa. Hell, even Big Baby Jesus himself, the Ol’ Dirty Bastard makes a posthumous appearance. Another difference between this album and most other rap discs of late is that the guest stars don’t necessarily make the songs better. The songs are good enough as they are, the guests are just the icing on the cake. And being a gentleman of a larger stature, I likes me my cake and icing.
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There are no bad songs on this disc. Of course there are the obligatory rap disc skits, but they don’t bog the album down. They are short and seem more like song intros than actual skits. The best songs on the album are “Fall Out” and “Say.” Both follow the formula with simple beats and both are Mef solo and at his best. “Fall Out” is more of a hardcore rap song while “Say” is more of a biographical song. Out of all the many guest stars, the Dirty memorial song “Dirty Mef” is the best collaboration. It’s nice to hear that the memory of ODB is everywhere on this disc. Just about every song has a shout out to the Dirty, and seeing as he is one of my favorite all time rappers, its cool to see the memory kept alive.Â
Rating:Â 5 out of 5
REVIEWS. . .
 
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 by Tommy Gunn    Â
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TEN HUT, SOLDIER!!
Now, ladies. . .
Normally, a Dave Matthews Band concert held in a modern day sports arena wouldn’t warrant much attention or acclaim. DMB, though always good live, comes off much better in either smaller venues or outside.  But the performance at Denver’s Pepsi Center on September 12th bucked the status quo and was one of the better shows I’ve seen by Dave and Company.
With an opening act of Robert Randolph (who appeared again later with the group to close the show) and the guest addition of Rashawn Ross on trumpet, DMB concocted a production with great tempo and flow. As Dave himself mumbled in the mike, “We’re just gonna eeeeease into it,” before launching into a handful of mellow tunes before laying into more upbeat tracks like  Grey Street. Playing mostly well-known songs with a dash of newer titles, even the most casual follower of the Dave Matthews Band was able to sing along with the result being an arena that rocked for almost 2 hours. Â
 Dave’s affection for Colorado is always genuine and despite the venue, they gave an A-grade performance to a very receptive crowd.  The technical crew deserves kudos for this show as the audio and, in particular the video, were dialed in and overcame the typical shortcomings of a cavernous Pepsi Center. Of the 8 times I’ve seen DMB live, this was by far the best indoors and the energy rivaled previous epic performances at Folsom Field in 2001 and the legendary Red Rocks last September.Â
AS YOU WERE!!!!
Nice work, Major. Well, there you have it friends. That’s going to do it for me and the gang this week, so, until next time, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud!Â
Send your naked lady pictures, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:
M.C. Bell
P.O. Box 1222
Arvada, CO 80001Â Â Â Â Â
 E-MAIL THE AUTHOR | ARCHIVES    Â
Back in the spring of 1987, I received a call from Jim Salicrup, my editor over at Marvel Age Magazine, for whom I’d been doing a monthly feature for a number of years already at that point. He informed me that Marvel was going to include the fan-friendly promo publication amongst that summer’s roster of Annuals, and he had a swell idea as to how to not only promote the line’s upcoming books, but to entertain the readers in the process: he wanted me to expand my “Fred Hembeck Show” schtick that I’d been doing upon occasion over an entire double-sized issue!
The concept was this: Cartoon Fred would come out on stage at this mock late-night chat-fest, welcoming all the biggies (i.e., characters with their own ongoing titles) onto the couch one page at a time. There’d be some (hopefully) comedic banter, and then, in tried and true talk show tradition, I’d direct the audience towards the clip our guests inevitably brought along. In this case, that meant each alternating page in this book was handled by the costumed do-gooders current creative teams, showcasing the near future plans slated for such mainstays as Spider-Man, Thor, and the Avengers.
It was an inspired notion, and despite the fact that I had little over a month to write, draw and letter (and you betcha by golly, there sure was a WHOLE lotta lettering!…) nearly twenty pages, it was one of the most fun things I’ve ever been assigned to do in comics. Naturally, cranking out the set-up material at such a hasty pace, I didn’t have time (nor really, any need, since Cartoon Fred got to play the smoozing host who loves EVERYTHING, no matter what you put in front of him!…) to co-ordinate any of my intros with the folks who were actually in charge of this impressive parade of iconic Marvel characters.
With one exception.
Mark Gruenwald.
Truth is, he was the one who called me. Neither of us could’ve imagined at the time that he was merely at the comparative outset of an epic decade-plus long run scripting Captain America (1985-1995, issues 307 through 443, save for 423), but it was a task for which his enthusiasm apparently never wavered, and that was especially true for what he had prepared for the then immediate future. Only, he felt that the upcoming events in the Star-Spangled Avenger’s life needed a little more oomph than my (by necessity) generic, already completed introduction provided. So he suggested that I take a few further panels on top of the page entrusted to him (and artists Tom Morgan and Joe Sinnott) to really get across the title’s exciting new direction.
This is what it looked like…
Unfortunately, despite his near omnipresence at Marvel for nearly twenty years, that was the only time I ever worked with Mark Gruenwald (unless you count the fact that he’d done some production work for his friend, Dean Mullaney of Eclipse – color separations, mainly – on my first published collection, Hembeck: The Best of Dateline:@#$% back in the late seventies). We’d met up at conventions and parties on several occasions, but as I was never a regular New York City denizen, those brief encounters were few and fleeting. Still, he always seemed like a nice enough guy, and his going the extra mile to promote Cap’s book – and eagerly buying into the whole faux talk show conceit – really impressed me. It shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise, though – I’d long been a fan of his writing.
Now, some folks would tell you that Mark’s dialog wasn’t the best, and yeah, there were clunkers to be found lurking in his plentiful fully loaded balloons, but that always seemed a minor quibble at best to me. Y’see, there were always more ideas to be found in a single issue of a Gruenwald book than could oft times be detected in a full year’s worth of work from other, more ear-pleasingly glib, writers. And I’m not just talking about the nuts and bolts of the menace of the month – I was always impressed by the way Mark slowly but surely brought along the personalities of his always bountiful casts, having them interact in a surprising yet clearly logical manner. That above all is what I treasured about a Gruenwald penned episode – you could never quite predict where it was going, but it always made sense in getting there – and was true to the characters as established to boot. Little wonder then that far above anything else produced under the aegis of the regrettable New Universe experiment, Mark (and artists Paul Ryan’s) 32 issues (plus one Annual) of D.P.7 shines like a bright beacon of success amidst a gloomy cloud of failure.
And in the early nineties, when Marvel was cranking out books like sausages – bad sausages – and I was still on the freebie list, there were only four regular books I could stomach reading. Two were by Mark: Captain America, natch, and his 59 (of 60) issues of Quasar. (To stave off your curiosity, the other two were Walt Simonson’s F.F. and Peter David’s Hulk.) I always felt Mark’s books (save for the landmark 12 issue Squadron Supreme limited series) never quite got the props they truly deserved. Partially that had to do with the fact that Mark was usually paired up with solid, professional – but rarely flashy – artists, and partially because readers needed to immerse themselves in these continuing sagas to fully appreciate the thought and skill Gruenwald invested into his writing. Too bad. I have nothing but fond memories of his work.
Mark Gruenwald, as you probably know, passed away unexpectedly in August of 1996. Obviously, that was a great loss for everyone – his fans, the comics field, and most especially his family. Like I said, I barely knew the man, but if I can’t be counted among his personal friends, let me at least be happily identified as one his biggest fans.
The reason this all came to mind, oddly enough, was due to my MySpace page. I generally double post anything I write over there on my own Fred Sez blog. The advantage the MySpace page has is the ability for readers to leave their own pithy comments under my ramblings. Last week, in a brief posting pointing folks to the previous edition of “The Fred Hembeck Show”, the aforementioned Jim Salicrup, as well as an Italian fan by the name of Max Brigel, both chipped in their two cents, and after seeing himself sharing space with Jim and I, Max came back with this brief note…
Nice! Now, with you and Jim Salicrup, I’m almost on a Marvel Age page!! Ahh, those were the times…
Friend Max, it turned out, had good reason to wax nostalgic over the sadly long defunct Marvel Age, as he explained with his next posting…
Well, since I owe my career to the late great Mark Gruenwald I completely agree with that! I’ll tell you the story… because I didn’t have the chance to write it down anywhere last month, in the 10th anniversary of Gru’s passing.In 1990, I was only a fan of Marvel Comics (now I work for Panini Comics, which reprints Marvel for Italy/France/Germany/Brasil/Spain) and decided to check their boot at the Bologna Children’s Book Fair. Lo and behold: the great Gru was there, and when I saw him I couldn’t resist asking the hostess if I could speak a minute with him. Only later I discovered we were both born on the 18th of June (ditto for Alan Davis and Paul McCartney), so maybe there was a weird connection between us, but in 1990 I only exploited my knowledge of Marvel Comics.I remember pointing at him, even when I was speaking to the hostess, and he noticed, and asked me to sit in the Marvel booth so we could speak everything Marvel. And so we did for a few minutes (15? Maybe more…), but he didn’t mind answering all of my questions. If I had had more of them, he would’ve answered more: he was kindness! Then I thanked him and got back home with a precious knowledge of Marvel’s next moves.
A few days later I went to my comic shop and spoke freely to the people there about my encounter with Mark Gruenwald… “Why don’t you write it down? We’re printing a fanzine next month and your ‘interview’ will be priceless!” they told me. No sooner said than done, I rushed home and wrote everything with a pen (using my memory too) on a piece of paper: I didn’t have a computer back then!
The “interview” was indeed printed in the fanzine (“Glamazonia”) and I was so proud of it I decided to send a copy to an Italian editor of Marvel Comics (Luca Scatasta), just to thank him for his great work. When Glamazonia arrived in his bullpen, it created quite a sensation, and everyone started to remember my name: “He’s a letter hacker!” said the editor-in-chief, “He’s buying comics in the comic book shop where I used to work” said the secretary. You see: they needed another freelance editor because Luca Scatasta was only very part-time at the moment, and they decided to interview me.
The interview went very well, and so my first articles and editing job (basically I edited a couple of translations of Wolverine issues)… In short, I got my very first freelance job! And it was only the beginning of a (so far) amazing experience in Marvel editing which started in 1990 thanks to the great man I discovered with “Mark’s remarks” in Marvel Age!Two or three years after that meeting (dated 7th April 1990, as I recently discovered), I had the incredible honor to start editing the translations of every single Captain America Mark G. wrote! I also wrote cliff notes on characters he would have surely appreciated!
This in turn inspired Jim Salicrup to share the following…
Well, this will be the longest comment ever on Fred’s MySpace page…First, here’s something I wrote for the latest issue of MoCCAzine, the newsletter for the Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art (www.moccany.org):“MoCCA Remembers Mark Gruenwald
“Peter Sanderson’s MoCCA Monday lectures on 1986: The Year That Changed Comics are incredibly insightful examinations of key important and influential comics and graphic novels. But Peter’s August 7th talk was extra special, and no, it’s not because Peter raced through his in-depth analysis of Marvel’s Squadron Supreme limited series in Speed Demon fashion (clocking in at a little over fifteen minutes compared to his usual norm of roughly two hours). What made this particular MoCCA Monday unique was that Peter had gathered together a group of special guests to talk about Squadron Supreme writer Mark Gruenwald, to commemorate the tenth anniversary of Mark’s death. Remarkably, this wasn’t the first time Mark’s death has been tied to the Squadron Supreme, as some of Mark’s ashes were actually blended in with the ink used to print the first trade paperback collection edition.“Speaking before the standing-room-only crowd, guests included Catherine Schuller, Mark’s widow, who read movingly from a eulogy Mark had written for himself years before he died, and Sara Gruenwald, Mark’s daughter who announced she has, despite her father’s advice, recently published comics of her own. Many of Mark’s co-workers were present and shared their favorite memories of Mark. Mike Carlin, Jim Salicrup, Glenn Herdling, Glen Greenberg, Tom Palmer, Carl Potts, and Tom DeFalco all spoke of Mark’s humor, practical jokes, and love of comics. Also in attendance were several of the current writers of Mark’s creation, The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe, one of whom spoke and told of Mark’s impact on his generation of comics fans and professionals.“Videos of Mark’s convention appearances and Bullpen hi-jinks were shown, and to conclude the formal proceedings, a friend Henry O, performed one of Mark’s favorite Beatles songs, ‘In My Life.’ The guests and audience members, including many comics industry professionals such as Bob Budiansky, Renee Witterstaetter, Ken Lopez, and many others, all then got to mingle, enjoy refreshments, and continue to share their memories of the clearly much-loved Mark Gruenwald. Despite the potential of such an event turning into a very sad occasion, the mood was upbeat and fun the entire evening, making for a truly memorable MoCCA Monday.”And, if that wasn’t enough, here’s what I said at MoCCA that night…
“A Few Words About Mark Gruenwald
“Asking me to say a few words about anything is often futile, as I tend to go on endlessly about almost anything. And when it comes to Mark Gruenwald, I’m sure I could write a monthly ongoing solo comicbook series, as well as an ongoing team-up title. But tonight, I’ll give it my best shot to be somewhat restrained.
“Like most people I liked Mark as soon as I met him. His unique sense of humor and passion for comics was infectious. He was sort of combination of Bill Murray and Jack Nicholson – the bad boy with that endearing twinkle in his eye. In the time I knew Mark, we went from being the young fans that were breaking into comics to becoming what they like call ‘comics veterans.’ We went from being very close friends to colleagues with a tremendous amount of mutual respect.
“In the early days, we spent lots of time together talking about our respective hopes and dreams, usually while taking long walks through Central Park, up to his West Side apartment. We both passionately loved comics, but the reality of working at a major comics publisher could be, shall we say, very challenging.
“Rather than simply despair, Mark and I would always embrace the challenge of finding a way to please both our corporate masters and our own fannish desires. For example, Mark was always more of a DC fan than a Marvel fan, but did Mark let that stop him from writing the Justice League of America?“Mark wrote, with Ralph Macchio, the long-time Marvel editor, not the star of Karate Kid movies, Marvel-Two-In-One, a team-up title featuring the Fantastic Four’s ever-lovin’, blue-eyed Thing character, which I got to edit. Working with such top artists as George Perez and John Byrne, we got to have fun with such storylines as Project: Pegasus and the Serpent Crown Affair. While most of the time it was fun to work with Ralph and Mark, sometimes Mark would come up with ideas that I wasn’t able to appreciate at the time. For example, Mark once wanted to feature Moon Man, the older version of Jack Kirby’s Moon-Boy character from Devil Dinosaur. I didn’t quite appreciate Mark’s sense of the absurd at that point.“Later when looking for a villain somehow related to the ballet, to include in a strange comic I wrote, which actually featured Spider-Man, Fire-Star, and Ice Man watching a performance of the Nutcracker, I was thrilled to come upon a character Mark had created – a guy who was repeatedly rejected because he was too short to be a ballet dancer, so he somehow got his hands on a growing formula that turned him into the freakish Daddy Long-legs – a guy now too tall to be a ballet dancer.“Quite often, Mark would try to get a concept by me, by saying, ‘But Jim, there’s never been anything done like this in comics before.’ And unfortunately, I’d have to respond by saying, ‘Sometimes there are good reasons.’
“Mark also wrote a monthly Mark’s Remarks column for Marvel Age Magazine, the official Marvel fan magazine I edited for eight years. While most of the columns were in someway promoting something or other that Marvel was publishing at the time, I’d sometimes be surprised at how personal his column could become. For example, unlike me, who thought it was great that everyone had an opportunity to submit their work to Marvel for consideration, Mark was far more compassionate, and felt strongly for the many people who would inevitably be rejected.“In another column, where Mark was just listing random thoughts, one of his philosophical points had a profound affect on my life. It was a simple thought, appreciate the people in your life who love you. Back then I was a bit too full of myself, and taking the people who loved me for granted. Mark’s sincere advice, coming from such an unexpected source – a column in a magazine devoted to promoting Marvel Comics – made me think about how I was treating people in my life, and for that, I’m eternally thankful to Mark.“I remember one difficult time, walking Mark home on the night that Spider-Woman, a title he had been writing, was reassigned to another writer. Mark was crushed. He was pouring everything he had into that comic. I told him he shouldn’t let this upset him too much. That he should remain open to future opportunities. That life was full of creative challenges, and the specifics weren’t all that important – that he would continually find ways to creatively express himself. And he did.“Instead of allowing the job to shape him, Mark shaped his job to reflect him. I’ve always thought it was an editor’s job to construct an environment conducive to creativity. Mark took that literally and would redesign and rebuild his office in amazing ways. Mark’s life was a constant expression of his humor, compassion, love, and spirit.“As much as I enjoyed Mark’s comicbook work, I think Mark himself was his greatest creation.”
Max, I’d like to read that interview you did with Mark. It would be like spending a few minutes with my old friend yet again.
Thanks Jim – and thanks to both you and Max for granting me permission to reuse your heartfelt words here – I felt both pieces were just too good to be shunted away in the comments section of my MySpace page. If nothing else, it spurred me on to offer up this long overdue tribute of my own to one of my favorite latter-day mainstream scribes. We all miss you Mark, but you haven’t been forgotten. Not by a long shot. And if you folks are at all interested in reading an expansive collection of the earlier alluded to Mark’s Remarks columns, well, this whole sentence will serve as a link to get you there. Go ahead and take a look – there are far worse ways to while away the time on the Internet, after all.
(Not including Hembeck.com, of course!…)
Copyright 2006 Fred Hembeck (except for the material generously provided by Jim Salicrup and Max Brighel, used by permission)
-by Ken PlumeÂ
Once in a generation, a humorist will step forward whose thinking is so uniquely, sublimely outside of the box that a new box must be hastily constructed – usually out of found materials, since the process must be undertaken with incredible speed or risk losing so gossamer a genius. In this generation, that freak of nature is named John Hodgman, and he has written a book called The Areas Of My Expertise.
Mr. Hodgman is a man of letters (26, to be exact – and he used every last one of them to write this book) and a current guest correspondent on The Daily Show – his past is shrouded in mystery, though it may have involved editing, agenting, writing, and constructing the world’s largest popsicle castle.
Presented in the form of an ersatz almanac, his book is a hilarious journey into the secret Hobo culture (and the list of 700 Hobo names), the American presidents who had hooks for hands, plus little known facts about the 51 U.S. States, Lycanthropic Transformation Timetables (very important), and much, much more. Hodgman writes in an easily accessible, quite matter-of-fact style about matters most surreal – yet disturbingly plausible. Now that it’s available in a newly expanded paperback edition and audiobook form, you have absolutely no excuse not to pick it up. Mr. Hodgman’s family, and his myriad creditors, will thank you.
He is also currently on tour, accompanied by cyber-troubadour Jonathan Coulton. Like The Monkees before them, they could be coming to your town – check for dates at the official website, www.areasofmyexpertise.com.
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JOHN HODGMAN: So how are you?
KEN PLUME: I’m doing quite well. I keep hearing all these wonderful things about you from all different contacts I have within the industry.
HODGMAN: Oh, that’s very nice to hear. Glad that’s happening.
KP: So, I can either start with a serious question or an even more serious question.
HODGMAN: I think you should pick the one that you most want the answer to.
KP: Should I be afraid of the hobos, and where are they now?
HODGMAN: Is that the serious question or the more serious question?
KP: I’m really not sure anymore. I think it’s the more serious question in this day and age.
HODGMAN: Well, as you may know, there are still people in the world who ride the rails, and ride box cars… Emulate the hobo lifestyle as it was sort of defined in the early 20th century. But these people are hobo emulators – what we call in the hobo observation business “fauxbos” – instead of the true hobos, who left after 1941. Some believe that, after Pearl Harbor, they gave up their wandering ways and joined the fight against our common enemy, Europe. Others believe that they went to another planet or another dimension. Others think they just simply went underground and are waiting to come back. But that’s not true. Most historians agree that they probably went to another planet.
KP: So they were like the Heaven’s Gate of happy wanderers.
HODGMAN: Yes, but with success.
KP: But will they return? Or have they abandoned us?
HODGMAN: Well, the point of the hobos in my book is that they are unknowable and simply… they represented a sort of subculture that is so far out of the mainstream that they are not understandable to civilized humans like you and me. And so what they might choose to do and what they might not choose to do, it’s really a question that’s impossible to answer. Should we fear them? Well, you know, I would exercise caution if you were to go back in time and see one. Or if they were to come back. You know, a hobo might just as soon sit and stare at you for several hours, or make you a hobo soup out of old soup that they collected for many months. Or they might try to stab you with a needle.
KP: So a hobo is just like my grandmother.
HODGMAN: (laughing) Well, I didn’t want to get into your grandmother, but you know, it’s the elephant in the room. We might as well talk about it.
KP: Yes, well, I’m glad that you’re bringing up all kinds of bad memories now.
HODGMAN: Yeah.
KP: Along with the prospect of time travel, which I’m quite intrigued by.
HODGMAN: Yeah, exactly. Time travel’s gonna… I predict it’s gonna be reality.
KP: If we were to extrapolate off the time travel aspect, you certainly had an interesting career prior to launching into writing.
HODGMAN: Yeah…
KP: It seems like it’s a certain kind of person that goes into agenting. How would you describe the John Hodgman of, let’s say, even 10 years ago?
HODGMAN: Well, let’s see. This is 2006. In the year 1996 I was working at a literary agency in New York City called Writer’s House, very happily sort of deciding that I would not have to ever bother with actually writing anything myself because that is very… it’s very hard work. Very time consuming, and I could live like a parasite off of other writers by representing their work and being their advocates to the publishing industry. And also, while drinking their blood, also helping them in their careers and editing their works – which is something that I actually get a lot of reward from. In 1996, we did not have the World Wide Web at the office yet, and I had AOL at home. So in many ways my career – as I suspect your career – was at that point impossible. No offense. I mean, maybe you were running Quick Stop in 1996. I don’t know.
KP: Yes, we ran it out of a small kiosk in Red Bank.
HODGMAN: Is that true?
KP: No.
HODGMAN: We had two Apple 2Es connected to each other in the garage.
KP: We would just share news between each other…
HODGMAN: In 1997, which was a more interesting year, we did get the internet at work, and we moved up from DOS – which is what we had been using – to Windows 95, and I found a website for the actor Bruce Campbell, and then my life really began to change. Because Bruce Campbell, who you may know is the star of Evil Dead 1 and 2 and Army of Darkness and several other… uh… B movies, which is a term that he uses proudly, answers all of his own email. And I said, “Would you want to write a book?” Because I was a big fan of Bruce Campbell. And like many things that I was a fan of, I thought I was the one of maybe five or ten or fifteen in the world. But I think what most people discovered when they found the internet was that they unknowingly were members of groups that were much, much larger who wanted to share information about things. Meanwhile, Bruce Campbell emailed me back and said, “I always wanted to write a book about being a B movie actor.”
KP: This would be If Chins Could Kill?
HODGMAN: Yep. And I said, “Great. If you want, I can try to represent it to you, or I could recommend an actual agent…” But Bruce is a very nice guy and let me do it, and I thought I had a big hit on my hands right away. Took a long time to actually sell that book. But when we did, it did turn out to be a great big hit – because that was the lesson of 1997, as far as I was concerned, that there were other people out there in the world who were just waiting to talk to one another about crazy things that they loved. And as a result, I ended up meeting up with a bunch of people who were working on a literary journal and website called McSweeney’s, and began developing a voice in various little writings that I would do for them as a sort of semi-deranged publishing professional. And eventually that became… Well, that was never successful and never made any money, but I began writing for magazines and began having to learn all of a sudden about… very quickly learn about hangover cures and chronic knee pain and the history of vodka and all other sorts of things you need to know. All the other things you need to know when you’re writing front-of-the-book pieces for magazines. Just trying to get a foothold. And pretty soon I decided that I wanted to leave book publishing as an industry and try to write, and that’s when I started writing a column for the McSweeney’s website called “Ask A Former Professional Literary Agent,” where I would dispense advice on publishing as well as on hangover cures and chronic knee pain. And more and more developed a voice that would become the voice of me and the book as you know – a world expert on every subject. Which is really just my voice, the kind of voice that I like to use when I’m talking to people or writing things for myself – but because I had met via technology and good fortune a lot of other people who liked this sort of voice, I could find an audience and develop it.
KP: Was there anything that surprised you in that transition?
HODGMAN: Is there anything that surprised me?
KP: In your transition, now being in the position of those who you had once represented…
HODGMAN: Oh, well, I mean, I was surprised at how quickly I transformed into a desperate, loathsome, needy person.Â
KP: You were expecting the process to be a lot slower, then…
HODGMAN: Well, yeah, perhaps I expected it to be slower. Perhaps I expected that because I had worked in publishing and I worked with authors, and while I loved them, of course I never wanted to speak to them or deal with them in any way, and their small problems and their desire for money and free lunches and everything else.
KP: So here’s where the hobo fascination comes in…
HODGMAN: Yeah, perhaps. But I ended up being represented by an old colleague of mine from the agency. So this is someone I knew when I was a publishing professional and a respectable person who wore clean clothes and was taken out to lunch. And then I became a client and a writer and the transformation was so complete and, like, awful… I could hear myself become this whining creature of pure need and desire, calling up, “Yeah, this royalty statement is five cents off! I can’t stand for this. And tomorrow I have to take a shower.” I was really aghast at myself, I have to say.
KP: So, when you’re so completely submerged in irony like that, is there any way to pull yourself back up and sort of dust yourself off and realize where you are at that point?
HODGMAN: Where I was at what point?
KP: At the point of which… was there a realization point that, “My god, I’ve become them…”?
HODGMAN: There was probably one particular conversation but I’m sorry that I can’t remember what it was.
KP: You could make it up.
HODGMAN: Yeah, I know I could. But it’s better when it’s true. The thing about my book is that there’s a lot of truth in it. And I would say most of the things… it’s primarily a book of fake trivia, but I never wanted it to be pure absurdist non sequitur. When I was answering questions as “Ask A Former Professional Literary Agent,” someone would ask me questions about chronic knee pain and I would want to know about chronic knee pain before I answered the question, so I could talk about the Patello-Femoral Syndrome. Do you know what I mean? Having a ring of plausibility or even actual plausibility, I think, was what was interesting to me, and then following that plausibility to absurd extents is sort of where I really gained pleasure from it. So I’m actually not very good at making things up. Just sort of coming up with things. Where I feel like I gain pleasure – and this is another area where I would not be able to live without the internet – is coming across some bit of folklore or some weird urban legend on an urban legends page, or some shared cultural memory that I’d forgotten about – about, you know, like Star Blazers from when I was a kid, or whatever – and realizing that people are thinking about this, and then suddenly seeing a joke that I had never thought of.
KP: I think the book wouldn’t work if it didn’t have that solid foundation… That plausibility for absurdity to build upon.
HODGMAN: Right.
KP: You unfortunately see people who go off on flights of fancy without any ground beneath them, and you really can’t buy into that absurd world they’re trying to build – whereas with your book, instantly when you get into it you realize that there is a solid ground to stand on before you take off.
HODGMAN: Well, I’m glad you feel that way. I’m not surprised to some degree that people have gotten so much pleasure out of the hobo section of the book, because it is crazy. The hobos did not take over the United States government, but I think that there is a…
KP: I could have sworn I saw bindle during the State of the Union.
HODGMAN: Yeah. I saw that too. Turns out it wasn’t a bindle.
KP: It was just a sack
HODGMAN: I think people are fascinated with hobos. I think I’m one of a generation of people who sort of 15… or… yeah, 15 or closer to 20 years ago were in elementary school sort of learning about hobo symbols and just being fascinated by this subculture that seemed to have existed, and does it exist now still…
KP: The section of the book I enjoyed most is the section on the 51 states. Which really is exemplary of that idea you were describing, of the fact that it has to have some grounding in the reality of each of those states for the humor and the absurdity to play off of, or else the joke is lost.
HODGMAN: Yeah, I was just thinking about that, because I spent a lot of time during writing that with an old book called The National Geographic Picture Atlas of our 50 States, which is from the 70s. An old sort of kid’s textbook from the 70s with… let’s see a fact… I have it here. For example, in Ohio, they mine coal, petroleum, stone lime, natural gas, sand and gravel. Sort of general little bits of propaganda for each state. So I spent a lot of time with that and I really found it really funny and fascinating and weird, what states are known for. I think I make a reference to the famous glittering marble mines of West Virginia, and I think not many people are gonna know, except maybe a few people, that West Virginia is the center of the marble industry. I don’t mean marble, but marbles. They make glass marbles for playing with.
KP: It would have been great if that were the case.
HODGMAN: Well it was the case around the time in the late 70s when this book was published. So who knows if that’s gonna ping against someone’s actual experience out there, but…
KP: I’m envisioning this great marble empire of the west.
HODGMAN: Yeah, exactly. And of course, West Virginia with its mines is one of the gateways to the world beneath the earth’s crust and the empire of the mole men, who are going to play a very big role in the second book.
KP: What is the current status of the second book?
HODGMAN: I am beginning to write it. Ideally in about a year it will be written.
KP: Is writing a difficult process for you?
HODGMAN: No, in this case… I find writing to be very anxiety producing for me, which is part of the reason why I tried to avoid it for so long.
KP: Where does that anxiety stem from?
HODGMAN: When I write something, I don’t really know what’s happening. And I never… when I have an idea it suddenly happens, I write it, and if I like it then that’s good. But the moment that it’s over, I can’t remember how I… it seems impossible that I could have had that idea. And not even necessarily a good idea, you know, it just seems… there’s a chemistry in my brain that is a little misaligned, I guess, because it just… the idea of sitting down now just talking about it, sitting down like writing a sentence – like, I don’t know how to do that, and then something just sort of happens and I do it, and then after it’s done like I don’t know who wrote that.
KP: So, creativity for you is a spontaneous process…
HODGMAN: I think it involves a certain amount of auto-hypnosis and a measure of, I think, possession by an ancient prehistoric star-traveling spirit that I call Gobus.
KP: So, in other words, you’re the one who’s been hogging Gobus.
HODGMAN: Yeah, I’ve been hogging Gobus for a long time, and I know…
KP: You bastard.
HODGMAN: Well, he’s no picnic, let me tell you. A lot of people want Gobus, but when he comes in, he eats up all the crackers in the house. And then doesn’t do the dishes. He’s kind of a pain in the ass.
KP: So he’s like John Belushi as “The guest who wouldn’t leave”…
HODGMAN: That would be very nice, but no. More like Jim Belushi.
KP: How did The Daily Show thing come about? Because obviously you were originally a guest in November of last year.
HODGMAN: Yeah.
KP: But now you’re a regular contributor…
HODGMAN: Well, I’ve been on a few times and I hope to be on again, though nothing is certain. We seem to all like each other pretty well and I’m a huge fan of the show. So, knock wood, I’ll be back again.
KP: I think it was fascinating comparing your first and second appearance, and seeing the audience’s learning curve in understanding exactly what you were doing with the delivery of the humor. Did it seem that way in the studio, that the audience wasn’t quite sure how to take it?
HODGMAN: Well, no. From my point of view, in all three cases that I’ve been on the show as a guest and the two times sort of contributing, it was all just a complete blur to me, those moments that I was actually on stage. It goes so quickly and it’s so sort of very difficult for the brain to process that you’re actually doing it. Particularly if you’re a fan of the show.
KP: Did they approach you?
HODGMAN: Yeah. I had met the executive producer socially one time, a couple times before I was on the show as a guest. So we had been in touch. We knew each other. He made some very flattering noises about having me back some time to do something on the show. And then all of a sudden he called me on Friday and said, “Can you work up something for Monday on the Iran nuclear capability issue?” And I said, “Okay.” And the next thing I knew, there I was.
KP: That was also on the heels of the thing you did with They Might Be Giants.
HODGMAN: Yeah. ‘Cause They Might Be Giants was also a similarly surreal experience for me because I’ve been a fan since I was a kid of They Might Be Giants, and I had met them through McSweeney’s. McSweeney’s had done an issue with the original CD from They Might Be Giants, and so they had done some joint readings together. At some point in the history of McSweeney’s I got tapped as the occasional emcee of various literary events, so I had this completely surreal experience, for example, of emceeing these They Might Be Giants/McSweeney’s readings in Chicago and London. Just very, very weird. And I remember when we went to London in 2003 to do it at the Barbican, which was this huge house, 1000 seat house that was full, and I could believe it. And my wife came with me, and the morning after the show we’re sitting in this cheesy Euro hotel eating bad three-day-old croissants. My wife, with whom I went to high school, also liked They Might Be Giants. She’s like… just having difficulty understanding that I’m sitting here eating breakfast with They Might Be Giants. It’s very weird. And the whole experience has been like that. Just a very unbelievable adventure.
KP: if you were to pick one thing that’s been the most surreal that you’ve been able to do, what would you point to?
HODGMAN: In life or with regard to the book?
KP: Either/or.
HODGMAN: I think it would had to have been… I think that moment in London, playing at the London Barbican, which is a huge performing arts center in London, and introducing Zadie Smith and Nick Hornby and They Might Be Giants and Arthur Bradford and Dave Eggers. It’s like, “What’s going on? How did this happen?” That was a moment where you felt a learning curve. Then, of course, all those people knowing who I was, and I went out and just started talking about radio attack ads – which is a piece that ended up being in my book – and doing that piece, and I could feel this audience of 1,000 people suddenly get it all at once, and then they really got it and they really liked it. You know, it was very much like writing, actually, because I could not for the life of me write out what it was that I wanted to say on that event. Then two seconds before I went on stage I knew exactly how I wanted to set up the radio attack ads piece. It was like channeling Gobus, you know?
KP: Creatively, where are you most comfortable?
HODGMAN: Creatively? You mean physically in the world?Â
KP: Or in a creative fashion. Is it writing? Is it being in front of an audience? Where do you feel most at ease and most creative and fulfilled?
HODGMAN: There’s a difference between where I feel most at ease and creatively most fulfilled. I feel most at ease sitting on a couch watching TV or watching a movie or hanging around with some friends. I don’t… the writing is pure dis-ease from then, and the performing as well. But, of course, it is the most creatively fulfilling thing that I could do, because without it, where would I be? I don’t know. I wouldn’t have that memory of going to London, or whatever. Being on The Daily Show…
KP: Is the hurdle higher to sit down and write, or to walk out in front of an audience?
HODGMAN: Um… I’d say they’re about the same. Usually when I’ve gone out to an audience, I’ve already written what it is that I’m gonna say, so, you know, basically what I’m doing is reading dictation from the time traveling spirit known as Gobus, you know? I guess it’s probably… sitting down to write is a little more anxiety producing, but of course there is less concern about your pants falling down, ’cause who cares if that happens when you’re writing.
KP: Well, then it’d just be vaudeville for no one but yourself.
HODGMAN: Right, exactly.
KP: What would you say has been your worst experience writing, and your worst experience performing in front of an audience?
HODGMAN: Well, every experience of writing is my worst.
KP: Is there any writing experience that has actually gone surprisingly easy?
HODGMAN: Yes. This book was a surprisingly easy thing for me to write. It was a surprisingly enjoyable thing for me to write. Even though it was nerve wracking in the same way, and even though each time I would sit down to do it I’m like, “What am I doing? How do I write sentences?” You know, that whole experience. But for the most part it was very enjoyable and I’m very excited to be back involved in writing the next one. So that went well. But otherwise, generally speaking, each time I sit down to write it’s the exact same complete anxiety. Total pancellular anxiety. It makes writing sound very glamorous, I’m sure. My worst experience performing… gosh… I don’t know. There are plenty of things where I feel like I didn’t really get where I wanted to be.
KP: Have you ever walked out and – comparing it to the London experience – where an audience just didn’t click at all?
HODGMAN: Yeah, but I’m not gonna tell you about it! Because I think I feel things much more differently. I’m glad to say that there have been no unparalleled, unquestionable disasters.
KP: So no one’s run you out of town at this point.
HODGMAN: No one’s run me out of town. No one’s, like… my pants have not fallen down, I haven’t completely blown my lines. For the most part I’ve been very lucky in that even if it’s only a few people and that’s happened, you know…
KP: It’s a hell of a night where they all happen at once – you forget your lines, your pants fall down, and then they run you out… which would be very difficult with your pants down.
HODGMAN: Yeah, exactly. I wouldn’t be running, exactly. Well I guess for me it’s probably about as fast as I move anyway. No, I’ve been very lucky that even when the crowds are very small – and that happens fairly frequently on book tours and that sort of thing – people are extremely gracious and nice and responsive. And if they don’t get it, I don’t really blame them. It’s usually because… it has something to do with talking about hobos. Maybe I’m talking about weird esoteric Muppet trivia, for example. I’m sure you’ve experienced, in your life, that not everyone gets it the same way that you do for me.
KP: Are you surprised at all by the attention and the accolades you’ve gotten?
HODGMAN: It is very gratifying and I think that probably, you know, things… books or comedic sensibilities, they have their own audience, and I think for me this book was really gonna… I was gonna work very hard to promote the book and just test to see just how large the audience is out there for deranged fake trivia. And I had sort of steeled myself for the possibility that the audience, while very gracious and people that I like, might not be more than a couple thousand people, you know? And then I was gonna have to sort of, you know, focus on other kinds of writing professionally and keep doing this on the side. So I was very happily surprised in many ways that it seems to touch a diseased part of many more brains than that.
KP: Is there anything about the attention that you regret?
HODGMAN: No. Oh, I’m sorry that the book isn’t longer. One of the jokes of the book was that it was… like the 700 hobo names, it was going to be so massive and comprehensive-seeming as to be almost incomprehensible.Â
KP: You should have just printed the book twice over and bound it together.
HODGMAN: Yeah, that would have been a way. But you know, instead I decided to write two more and make them all part of the same book.
KP: So when should the next book be out?
HODGMAN: Hopefully it’ll be written by the beginning of next year and then it would come out a year from this fall. More Information Than You Require will come out in 2007. Fall of 2007. One of the things that is important to understand about the three books that will ultimately complete The Complete World Knowledge is that they are not a trilogy in the same way The Lord of the Rings is not a trilogy, but one long novel that is sometimes published in three parts. And similarly, the second book, More Information Than You Require, and the third book, That Is All, will be all part of one complete, deranged whole. And if I have my way, the page numbers of the second book will pick up exactly where the page numbers of this book left off, and so on.
KP: So eventually we’ll see a compendium of all three.
HODGMAN: Yes, and then a “Page a Day” calendar and maybe some themed cruises and lots and lots of matchbooks.
KP: And when will the animated series be premiering?
HODGMAN: I don’t know, you should talk to your friend Jackson Publick about that.
KP: So, now, what can we do with the uranium we were talking about?
HODGMAN: What can we do with it? ‘Cause I’ve got a lot of it here. A lot of enriched uranium.
KP: No one has had, like, a Tupperware party for uranium.
HODGMAN: I know.
KP: Have you thought about that?
HODGMAN: I was thinking about it. You can put me in touch with the world leaders who need it. I’d like to get some of this stuff out of my house, because I need to get my office back, you know what I mean?
KP: I can get you Muppeteers but not world leaders. Although you never know what you can do with a uranium powered Muppet.
HODGMAN: Well, you can entertain some children and then blow them up, I guess. And adults alike. I didn’t mean to limit it.
KP: I know. But back to the book – you know, as soon as I got my hands on it, I called up people and read them portions. It seems like a book that people want to share with other people.
HODGMAN: It’s a book of many, many small portions. It is not designed necessarily to be read from start to finish, but more to be dipped into and appreciated over time, lest you see the underlying con of the whole thing.
Â
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by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee
Larger Comic Version | ARCHIVES | OLDER ARCHIVES
Check out the preview to the Image comic Jeff writes…
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September 12, 2006
You would not believe the summer I’ve had.
Not to get into gory details, but two of the most painful conditions it is possible for a guy to have hit me in rapid succession early in August, accompanied by various other debilitating and lingering ailments. I didn’t watch many movies last month, nor, if truth were told, have the mental clarity and concentration to coherently write about them.
However, it appears that the worst is now over. I’m about neck-deep in missed deadlines, but I’m slowly clawing my way out. With luck ““ the good kind, for a change, I hope ““ I’ll be able to get back to that weekly schedule for the column that I was achieving earlier this summer.
Anyway, today, I’ve got a few short reviews to tide you over until next week, which will be a full-fledged, full-service Late Show, crammed with B-movie goodness.
Classic Media has done a great service for fans of kaiju eiga and, specifically the Big G, with their release of the original, uncut, Japanese version of GOJIRA (1954), paired in an attractive new DVD package with the American version, known as GODZILLA, KING OF THE MONSTERS (1956).
American nuclear testing creates a towering prehistoric monster with radioactive breath, which heads straight for Tokyo, leaving devastation in its wake. Japan’s only hope of defeating the creature lies in the Oxygen Destroyer a weapon as potentially deadly as the A-bomb itself. Can Dr. Serizawa, the Destroyer’s inventor, be persuaded to use the weapon before it’s too late?
Directed by Ishirô Honda, GOJIRA is a dark, occasionally moving, anti-nuclear allegory with powerful performances by a top-flight Japanese cast. The script is excellently constructed, never losing sight of the human stories that might easily have been lost in the devastating spectacle of the primeval giant’s fury. Played utterly straight and with complete sincerity, the film ““ while derivative of American efforts like THE BEAST FROM 20,000 FATHOMS ““ has an emotional weight unique in the genre. Only the Japanese have suffered the consequences of a nuclear attack, and the memories of Nagasaki and Hiroshima were still very vivid in 1954. The scenes showing the wounded victims of the creature’s first Tokyo attack, lying en masse on hospital floors as they slowly die from radiation poisoning, have a verismilitude that could only have come from real-life experience.
The U.S. version, GODZILLA, KING OF THE MONSTERS, is a pretty effective creature feature in its own right, but much of the human suffering and character drama has been cut out, replaced with new footage of actor Raymond Burr, playing an American journalist on the scene. Although the structure of the movies is quite different, played out mostly in flashback, the movie is still quite grim. Burr’s scenes are really quite expertly integrated into the Japanese footage, with excellent use of body doubles and carefully matched sets and lighting. Burr, too, deserves credit for playing the role very straight, describing the devastation his character witnesses with credible conviction.
Classic Media presents GOJIRA for the first time on American home video in fine form. Although the print ““ direct from the vaults of Toho Studios ““ shows considerable wear and damage, due to the inferior stock used, the transfer is as fine as modern technology could make it. There are still scratches and specks riddled throughout, but the image is mostly sharp, with solid blacks and good contrast. The movie also uses lots of stock footage of the military, and when that film appears, it is noticeably inferior to the rest of the footage. Overall, though, the transfer is excellent for a movie of this vintage. The print of GODZILLA, KING OF THE MONSTERS, is okay, but looks about the same as it has on every previous domestic video presentation: slightly washed out and grainy.
GOJIRA includes clear English subtitles accompanying the original mono audio soundtrack, while GODZILLA keeps its familiar English mono tracks. Both films include informative, detailed audio commentaries by Godzilla scholars Steve Ryfle and Ed Godziszewski, and there are two featurettes, one focusing on the development of the original film story, the other on the film’s elaborate special effects.
The two films come in a classy, attractively designed “hardback” clamshell, and the package includes a 16-page booklet with extensive liner notes.
For fans of kaiju films or serious students of science fiction cinema, Classic Media’s GOJIRA/GODZILLA, KING OF THE MONSTERS may be the most important DVD release of the year. And if that’s not enough to be grateful for, they’ve announced similar editions of other Godzilla and vintage Toho kaiju films in the months to come.
Highly recommended.
Hungarian actor Peter Lorre made quite a career for himself in sinister character roles, but probably his most offbeat characterization was that of Japanese detective/secret agent, Mr. Moto. In eight films for 20th Century Fox, Lorre played the devious, crime busting jiu-jitsu master and Fox Home Video has just released four of these classic B-movies in THE MR. MOTO COLLECTION VOL. 1.
The first film in the set, THINK FAST, MR. MOTO (1937), introduces the Japanese sleuth as a San Francisco importer/exporter who takes it upon himself to track down and break a diamond smuggling ring operating out of Shanghai. Atmospheric, moody, and filled with devious characters, it’s a strong start to the series.
The second disc, THANK YOU MR. MOTO (1937), finds our hero in China, searching for the tomb of the legendary Genghis Khan. Disc three, MR. MOTO TAKES A CHANCE (1938), finds the inscrutable secret agent deep in the jungles of Cambodia, posing as an archeologist. In the final disc in this first set, THE MYSTERIOUS MR. MOTO (1938), Lorre’s character heads for London, where he attempts to destroy an organization of professional assassins.
Each film is presented full frame with cleaned-up mono sound. Fox has done a marvelous job restoring these early thrillers (each disc has a restoration comparison), and has packaged them together in a smart box set. Each disc includes a featurette focusing on a different aspect of the series’ production ““ including profiles of Lorre and series director Norman Foster.
I love these old B&W mystery series, and Fox is to be complimented not only for releasing them on DVD, but putting the effort in to restore and present them properly. A great set, and well-worth buying if you’re a fan of classic Hollywood mysteries. I can’t wait for Volume Two.
I haven’t actually watched a new Jean-Claude Van Damme movie since KNOCK-OFF, I think. While there was a time when I made an effort to see each of the Muscles from Brussels’ movies ““ I particularly liked BLOODSPORT, DOUBLE IMPACT, HARD TARGET and MAXIMUM RISK ““ his transition in the early 90’s from theatrical action star to direct-to-vid leading man left me behind, I’m afraid.
Well, Sony Home Video just sent me the latest action effort from the man, a surprisingly involving little flick called THE HARD CORPS (2006).
Van Damme plays Phillipe Sauvage (gotta love those movie names), a Desert Storm vet suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder after serving in Afghanistan and Iraq. Through a somewhat contrived series of events, he is hired as bodyguard for an ex-boxing champ-turned-philanthropist (Razaaq Adoti). Unfortunately, an ex-con rap music producer with a grudge has marked the former boxer for death, and Sauvage finds himself trying to protect an uncooperative client in the midst of a hip-hop shooting war.
There’s not really all that much action in this one ““ maybe one hand-to-hand bout and a couple of gunfights, but what there is fairly well staged. Direction (by Van Damme vet Sheldon Lettich), production values and cinematography are surprisingly slick for a direct-to-DVD flick, and the story (despite how it may read above) is actually quite interesting and well executed, with solid performances by most of the cast, especially Vivica A. Fox and Adoti.
Van Damme mumbles his lines and delivers them in his usual stilted manner, but since his character is supposed to be emotionally damaged, it sorta works.
Setting Van Damme down into the middle of a hip-hop gangsta war makes for some interesting character bits and gags; I particularly liked a scene where his character is training some young bodyguard recruits how to shoot properly, berating them for holding their guns sideways. Sure enough, in the final gunfight, only he and his team seem able to hit anybody, with the bad guy gangstas shooting their sideways sidearms wildly.
Sony Home Video’s bare bones DVD offers the feature in a crisp1.85 anamorphic widescreen transfer with Dolby 5.1 audio. The only extras are trailers for other recent and current Sony action releases, including Van Damme’s SECOND IN COMMAND.
Ultimately, I found THE HARD CORPS (the name that Van Damme’s bodyguard team is given by their employer), to be an entertaining diversion, and far better than I expected it to be. It’s not a classic ““ but it’s one of the man’s better movies.
Next week, I’ll have a big ol’ bunch of reviews for you ““ nearly a month and half’s worth, actually ““ including the softcore thrills of FELICITY, the vintage sci-fi of THIS ISLAND EARTH, the video game horrors of STAY ALIVE ““ plus: I WAS A TEENAGE MOVIE MAKER, 9 DEATHS OF THE NINJA, the VICE ACADEMY Trilogy… and did I mention pirates?
Comments about this column or DVD-related questions? Feel free to contact me at dvdlateshow@atomicpulp.com.
-by Ken Plume
If there is a master list of actors whom you immediately identify whenever they show up on screen, Robert Vaughn surely has a secure place on it. From The Magnificent Seven to The Man From U.N.C.L.E., from The Towering Inferno to Superman III – you know, the list just goes on an on, in a career spanning nearly 50 years.
His latest foray is the BBC drama Hustle, the first season of which has just hit DVD. Like Ocean’s 11 with a multigenerational group of cons substituting for the fabled thieves, Hustle one of those confection dramas that you devour greedily, enjoying the dramatic cake and the sweet character icing all in one go, unable to stop with just one episode. Maybe the cake metaphor was a bit much, but this is still an amazing show, if only for Vaughn’s performance as an aging con with much wisdom to impart to the young, sometimes foolishly cocksure, turks.
We had a chance to chat with Vaughn about his life and career…
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KEN PLUME: I guess the first question I have to ask you is – this many years into your career, what exactly does it take for a part to excite you?
ROBERT VAUGHN: Well, the first thing I consider is where it’s going to be filmed. Then I find out how much money they have, and then I read the script. In some 125 movies I’ve done over the last 50 years, I’ve been on some disastrous locations which I would never want to return to for any amount of money. So always make sure to check that out. In the case of the current show, it’s filming n London, which is my second home. I lived there off and on since the late 50s.
KP: You’ve done quite a bit of work there, as well.
VAUGHN: Yes, I did a series there for three years in the 70s, and I’ve done various other films like Julius Cesar with Charlton Heston, Jason Robards and Diana Rigg. In various periods in my life I’ve lived in London, and we’re living there now until we finish Hustle, whenever that happens.
KP: Hopefully no time soon.
VAUGHN: I hope not, because I’m really enjoying it. I love doing it.
KP: When you talk about locations, and I’m not asking you to name names, what is it that makes for a bad location for you?
VAUGHN: Well I can tell you quite clearly what I feel is a bad location. I’ll just cite three different pictures. One I did in Caracas where I was under house arrest and couldn’t get out of the country, and eventually I had to put on a costume with my wife and my dog, a Mexican and Spanish costume, and sneak into the airport – and I had to take the first flight out of Caracas that I could get, and it was to Barcelona, not to the United States. So my dog and my wife and I wound up in Barcelona and came back to the United States after having been under house arrest for several weeks in Caracas because the producers of the film were in jail. That was one instance. Another instance, I did a film in Prague, Czechoslovakia, and it was invaded by the Russians at the time I was filming, so once again I’m under house arrest. Nothing could be done about that.  It wasn’t anyone’s fault.
KP: Well, except for the communists.
VAUGHN: And then I did another film in Yugoslavia where there were only four Americans in the cast. The rest were all Yugoslavians, and it was a three month shoot and I literally had no facilities at all. I had a tree to go to the bathroom behind. It was Robert’s tree…
KP: That’s because they have a strong guild.
VAUGHN: They did not serve food that was edible. In other words, they treated actors like trees, like chairs. I also did a film in Peru where I had a 24 hour bodyguard because The Shining Path, the Maoist guerillas, were kidnapping Americans right around when we were shooting on the top of Machu Picchu, the large mountain outside of Lima. That’s just a handful.
KP: So, really, it’s just locations that produce anecdotes that you don’t like…
VAUGHN: Oh absolutely, no question. Also, as the years go by, it puts unnecessary strain on my brain and my heart and I don’t want to experience that anymore.
KP: No, we definitely want you working for quite a few more of those years that stress would take away. We particularly want to keep you out from under house arrest or a communist invasion.
VAUGHN: Yeah, enough of that. I’d like to be under house arrest at Buckingham Palace.
KP: You’ve also been an actor over the years that hasn’t been afraid to make the transition back and forth between TV and film…
VAUGHN: Yeah, I was very lucky, because many actors that had great success in television series seem to disappear off the map, the acting map, and I was fortunate enough that the first movie I did after The Man from U.N.C.L.E. was a picture called Bullitt with my old friend at that time, Steve McQueen. We’d known each other at that time for eight years. We met doing The Magnificent Seven. So that picture, Bullitt, was one of the top ten grossing pictures of 1968, which is the year that U.N.C.L.E. went off the air, and I went on into other motion pictures, and Towering Inferno and Superman III, and on and on and on – but lots of times that doesn’t happen. Most of the time it doesn’t happen to actors who’ve had a successful television series, but I was very fortunate.
KP: Particularly at that point.
VAUGHN: It was particularly having Steve as a friend at that point. He was producing the picture and he wanted me in it.
KP: Well, it’s good to have connections.
VAUGHN: Yes.
KP: Especially at that point in the industry, it was not an easy transition for an actor to make, to go from TV to film.
VAUGHN: Oh no, very definitely. I think the only two people who had done it at that time were James Garner and Steve McQueen. Other people did it as time went on, but most of the other actors, 90% of them, either disappeared altogether or reappeared many years later in some lesser vehicle.
KP: I also find it fascinating that during the 70s you pursued and attained a PhD.
VAUGHN: Yeah, I got my doctorate in June of 1970. I’d been in graduate school all through the 60s. I got my masters degree in 1960, and then during the 60s I did get my doctorate. USC, where I got my doctorate, were very kind to accommodate me in terms of my work schedule in television. Somebody let me off the hook in terms of certain time limits that would normally be put on somebody getting a PhD. They allowed me some flexibility – which was certainly alright with me, and I was able to complete the work. My doctorate dissertation, I revised as a book titled Only Victims, that dealt with Hollywood blacklisting.
KP: It’s a topic and attitude that seems to recur every once in a while in more insidious forms.
VAUGHN: Yes. I don’t think it’s ever going to reoccur again in exactly the same form, but there are still cases when people, even now who are supporting the war in Iraq, who are to some degree at least graylisted in Hollywood because Hollywood is a predominantly liberal community.
KP: You obviously have been very political over the years. I was surprised to find that you were asked to run for governor in the 70s.
VAUGHN: Actually it was Senator. And it was the Peace and Freedom party. It was made up of a lot of people, Black Panthers, so I declined.
KP: But at least you felt honored to be asked, right?
VAUGHN: Yeah, right.
KP: I also have to ask what the status of your autobiography is…
VAUGHN: I’m looking at part of it right now. I’m waiting… there are two publishers that are down to the wire that I’m meeting with, and my projected manuscript handing-in would be the Spring of 2008, and that would be exactly my 50th full year in the motion pictures and television business. So it’d be released on the 50th anniversary of my life in Hollywood.
KP: Does it have a title?
VAUGHN: It’s currently titled A Fortuned Life. And it’ll have a picture of me on the front and a picture of me on the back and my name on the top of the book and the title will be probably smaller than my name.Â
KP: It’ll should just be a picture of you. You don’t have to put your name on it at all.
VAUGHN: I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe I’ll check that out.
KP: How exactly did Hustle come about?
VAUGHN: In May of 2003, my wife and I had scheduled a visit to Scotland, where we had never gone even though we lived in England many, many years off and on. Every time we had made a preparation to go to Scotland, something had canceled it with work or I had to come home for something. So we had this trip to Scotland planned. Five days in May. And about a week before we were to leave, I got a call from my British agent, Jean Diamond, and she said, “Are you coming through England any time in the near future?” And I said, “Well, oddly enough, I’m coming through in about a week on my way to Scotland. Stopping in London.” “Oh, wonderful,” she said, “The BBC wants to have lunch with you and tell you about a new series they’re doing about con men. And we’ll set it up.” So they did indeed set it up and I had a lovely long liquid lunch with all the producers and directors, and a great deal of hugging and kissing, we will know each other forever at the end of lunch, and all that kind of thing. So we went to Scotland and I didn’t hear anything back. In the meantime, they sent me three of the scripts for Hustle. They also sent me a videotape of a series they did called Spooks, in London, which is MI5 in America. This is the same production company that did Spooks – and is doing Spooks, because it’s still on the air. So I looked at the scripts, which I thought were wonderful – best scripts I’d read in years – and I loved the production values on the television shows that they sent me. So I said to the agent, “Green light. Absolutely. London is definitely a fine location for me, I’m very happy there.” So time went by and May went into June and June went into July, and I basically forgot about it because that happens quite often. There’s nothing unusual about it. There’ll be a great deal of movement and then all of a sudden it’s quiet.
KP: And you got a lunch out of it.
VAUGHN: Yeah. So in August, we had a huge blackout as you may remember, on the East Coast of America all the way from Canada down to North Carolina. Well, we knew from prior experience in the house that we lived in, in Connecticut, that when we had a blackout that affected us, which was fairly often, there was one phone in the garage that seemed to work while all the other ones did not work. So we were sitting there in the dark. It was about 9:00 at night and it was 2:00 am in London, and we’re watching television – a battery operated television – by candlelight, but we’re very used to it. It’s nothing unusual for us. And the phone rings in the garage. And so I went to the garage because it was only about 20 feet away. I picked up the phone and it was my agent, Jean Diamond, and she said, “They want you… they started shooting last Wednesday on Hustle and they want you there to shoot on Wednesday. So you have to take the flight out tomorrow night.” And I said, “Well, wait a minute. We haven’t even talked a deal.” And she said, “Don’t worry. They’ve already started shooting, they don’t want anybody else – they want you. And get over here.” So I did. I arrived Tuesday morning and started filming Wednesday morning, and that’s the story of Hustle.
KP: Well, that’s a great way to be wanted.Â
VAUGHN: Even though I didn’t know I was hanging in there, apparently I was and didn’t know it.
KP: It’s good when you’re contacted and it’s a fait accompli.
VAUGHN: Yeah! Right.
KP: And then stepping into the role, what is it about the character that you found appealing?
VAUGHN: Well, the day after I started filming, which was on a Wednesday, I was overwhelmed at my hotel with calls from the British press wanting to interview me. Everybody wanted to know what I thought of the character of Albert Stroller, and I, since I hadn’t actually given it zero thought – since I hadn’t planned on doing it – I said, “Well, look at it this way. Suppose my character from The Man from U.N.C.L.E., Napoleon Solo, after leading this glamorous international adventurous life, retired on his government pension. And realized after a while he couldn’t live that life anymore. What could he do that was still within the confines of the law that could take advantage of his knowledge of everything from women and cars to jewelry to international events, gambling and so on? He said, ‘Well, why not be a con man?”‘ So I just made this up as I went along. But that’s what’s now playing in all the columns in the U.K. That I’m playing Napoleon Solo, the later years.
KP: Wait a second… You make stuff up when you talk to the press?
VAUGHN: Well, I made it up at that point because I had nothing to say. I hadn’t given it any thought. So I told them in advance I’m just winging this as I go along, so bear with me. And everybody took it for gospel and that’s what it was. And what it remains today. Napoleon Solo, but he is now called Albert Stroller.
KP: Has that now legitimately become your hook into the character?
VAUGHN: Well basically, yeah, because it’s the kind of role that just lends itself to, I’m wearing a tux most of the time, I’m in gambling casinos, I do deal with various lovely ladies from time to time – so it is, in effect, a later version of the character I played in The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
KP: It’s amazing how many roles you’ve performed that have found you in a tux.
VAUGHN: Yeah, my wife said I’m the last three piece suit/tux actor still around. I wear it very often. In Hustle I wear a three piece suit with a double breasted vest.
KP: Maybe that should be the subtitle for your autobiography.
VAUGHN: Yeah.
KP: “Last of the Three Piece Suit Men.”
VAUGHN: Exactly. I’ll get it in there somewhere, I’m sure.
KP: Nothing ever goes away. The Man from U.N.C.L.E. should be on DVD soon, even…
VAUGHN: Yeah. As a matter of fact, last year I did a whole day of filming for the DVD of the first year which was going to be… I think it was coming out this fall. And I suddenly found out that after I’d done all this, the company that I was doing it for didn’t actually have the rights to the DVD. And they still don’t have it, and I think someone else in the meantime got the rights to it, so it should be coming out this spring now under a different brand than the one that I worked for.
KP: Hopefully they’ll be able to repurpose the footage they shot with you.
VAUGHN: I hope so, yeah, because it really was literally an entire day of them asking me questions while I was on camera, and they just drilled me for eight hours about the show.
KP: Maybe they just used it as a great way to meet you.
VAUGHN: (laughing) Well, it’s a fairly expensive way. Lunch would be easier.
KP: And your season of The A-Team will be out soon as well.
VAUGHN: Oh, The A-Team! I didn’t know that.
KP: It’ll be out in a few months.
VAUGHN: Oh, is that right? I didn’t know. Well, I just did the last year. I didn’t do the whole… however many years they were on. I only did the last two.
KP: So really, with the release of that and Hustle, and The Man from U.N.C.L.E., this could be the year of Vaughn.
VAUGHN: Yeah, I hope so.
KP: Are there any other projects that you haven’t been able to do yet that are kinda personal that you love to be able to do?
VAUGHN: The only thing that I have always wanted to do – and now it’s too late to do – was I wanted to do My Fair Lady onstage. A couple years ago I got a call from the president of Los Angeles City College, where I had gone to school in the early 50s, and they were having the 75th anniversary of the school, and they wanted to put all their budget into some big production of some kind and wanted to know if I’d be interested in doing anything. And I immediately suggested My Fair Lady, and they said, “That’s wonderful. Do you think Jim Coburn would do Pickering?” And I said, “Well, I see Jim fairly often and I’ll mention it to him.” So fade in, fade out, they did get together with a lot of money to do the production, and Jim passed away, and then the woman who hired me – who was the president of the school – got a new job as chancellor of all the junior colleges in Michigan, and so she was out of the picture. So it never happened, and now I’m sure it never will. It’s too late in life for me to do that.
KP: You would have made a great Eliza, though.
VAUGHN: (laughing) Well, you’d have to get an elderly Eliza, or middle-aged, at least.
KP: I think you’re underestimating your ability to still carry off the role.
VAUGHN: Oh, thank you very much, that’s very kind of you.
KP: So really, doing that… is that something that you’ve always harbored a desire to do?
VAUGHN: Yes. I saw the original production on Broadway with Rex Harrison. I also saw, that same year, a production of Inherit the Wind with Paul Muni playing the lead on stage, and I remember at the time I said, “I must put this in my mental checkbook that I will someday be these two parts.” And I did do Inherit the Wind with E.G. Marshall at the Papermill Playhouse in New Jersey about 15 years ago, so I did get a chance to do that. But unfortunately, I didn’t get a crack at My Fair Lady. I learned all the songs and I spent a lot of time preparing for it, and unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to use my efforts.
KP: Well, maybe you can do just an audio version of it.
VAUGHN: Yes.
KP: Release your own cast album for it…
VAUGHN: Yes…
KP: At least all the preparation won’t go to waste.
VAUGHN: Well, we shall see.
KP: It’s been a real pleasure speaking with you.
VAUGHN: Thank you very much.
KP: And I wish you the best of luck and can’t wait to see what comes next, and I can’t wait to read your autobiography…
VAUGHN: Thank you very much, Ken…
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by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee
Larger sized comic | ARCHIVES | OLDER ARCHIVES
To see Spook’d host Alastor’s blogging silliness and more fun Spook’d stuff,visit the Spook’d Web site!
Check out the preview to…
E-MAIL WRITER | ABOUT JEFF | ABOUT SETH | SPOOK’D BLOG | SPOOK’D FORUM | ARCHIVES | OLDER ARCHIVES
Disclaimer: All material in Spook’d is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.
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So Storm is gone.Â
And it’s kind of a relief. For one thing, watching the show is no longer necessary. It makes for two and a half less hours of TV to watch next week. And second, careful scrutiny of the program made it clear that Storm has been yearning to get off it for weeks. No longer will she have to tout the sponsors in her spontaneous “reality” dialogue or act “surprised” if Dave wants to back her up on a song.
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Except that apparently one never truly “leaves” this show. A member of the show’s rejects will be voted by the viewer to return for the finale; and there will be a Rock Star tour with House Band.
Like many other followers of Rock Star, I’m fairly confident that Toby is going to “win.” The Australian lad has been something of a dark horse, who didn’t really emerge as a front runner until the field was greatly reduced. Also, I think that Storm made it her project to groom him to win, giving Toby secret counseling and stage tips. His act is much more lively now, mimicking Storm’s brazen audience participation. Also, Toby’s original song was better than any of the Super Nova originals. They’ll need that.
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It must have been a great disappointment to Mark Burnett that most of the rock star aspirants got along so well. The only one who really fell for the “reality” TV manipulation was Dilana, who still thought it was a contest as late as three weeks ago, and not an audition show. But the producers didn’t understand that either. People don’t tune in to see the “reality” drama. They’re tuning in for performances by a group of highly if unevenly talented professionals. Variety shows were common during the early years of television but today they have to be sneaked on in the guise of a competition or audition, and it’s clear now that if the show is highly focused, as in this case, on rock and roll, or what passes for rock and roll, it will drawn intense attention from a deep segment of the much coveted young audience.
In the local media here there was a Storm Watch on the local CBS news affiliate, there were nightly broadcasts of the show episodes in Dante’s, the club where Storm and the Balls played every week, and numerous interviews in the Storm-whoring local press. Presumably she will return to Portland, but why bother? She’s too big for the town now, which she is not really “from” anyway (she’s only lived here for four or five years). After all, Storm emerged as the real star of Rock Star, and her fame, a long time coming, could go in many different directions right now, toward more TV, or movies, a record deal, whatever she wants, even writing a book, at least right now, while she’s hot. I wonder if Warren Beatty has called her yet, the ultimate sign that a female personality has arrived.
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Speaking of which, recall Beatty’s comments about Madonna’s life on screen in the rockumentary Truth or Dare? Storm is the new Madonna, perfectly comfortable in front of the camera as it records her life. She’s the harbinger of a new age, the post-television child, grown to womanhood as an “object” who has seized back “the gaze” that the ladies in the quarterlies talk about and owns it.
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Yes, things are still awfully busy now that production has resumed, with everyone running around a bit right now – so we’ve got another week of behind-the-scenes pics from around the office… Â
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A farewell cake made for our former make-up artist, Darla Albright, who left to form her own company, Air Craft Cosmetics.
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Even Floating Head Doctor makes an appearance for cake.Â
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Mr. Darcy, after his failed Chicken Little audition.Â
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Ken Jenkins and his feathered friend.Â
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Producer Danny Rose has a tender moment with Mr. DarcyÂ
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Rocky the orangutan and utility soundperson Anna Wilborn.Â
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Assistant Production Office Coordinator Jared Weisfelner and Rowdy check out the set from the 3rd Floor dressing room during the end of shooting for Season 4, while Mr. Darcy checks out Rowdy.
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Rob Maschio being rigged and covered up during his big dangling scene.
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Colin Farrell romancing the girls of Scrubs, Jen Holt & Liz Newman, while Jared tries to horn in on his action.Â
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1st A.D. Franklyn Gottbetter, dreaming the impossible dream.
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The first episode of season three of House aired the other night (is it already season three? I remember when the show was advertised relentlessly during a Superbowl weekend). The first thing you learn from it is that Greg House (Hugh Laurie) can walk. In fact he can run, and later on in the episode he skateboards. This is a different status from where we left him at the end of last season, hallucinating long philosophical conversations with the man who shot him. In 3.1 we learn that the police have not apprehended House’s assailant, nor learned why he attacked the doctor in the first place (a set up, perhaps, for a later Sweeps Week broadcast). Meanwhile, Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein) injected House with a serum that might cure his bum leg artery, that which keeps him in continual pain and, presumably, with an acerbic disposition.
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Meanwhile, Dr. Allison Cameron (Jennifer Morrison) has a new fuller haircut, a kind of throwback to Barbara Feldon as Agent 99. It makes her looker cuter and softer, with its forelocks and feathered look. Yet her character is a lot tougher. She stands up to House, says no, and views him with the impatience, contradicting the conniving lies he presses on family members. The other two doctors in the fellowship to study with House, doctors Eric Foreman and Robert Chase (Omar Epps, Jesse Spencer) didn’t have a whole lot of airtime, but Cuddy did, even sharing with House a sort of bedroom scene, while also proving to be a stronger opponent of House’s. Robert Sean Leonard, as Dr. James Wilson, continues his role as reverse court jester; court bucket of cold water, I guess you could call him.
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The opening sequence, in which a guy in a wheelchair rolls himself into the swimming pool, a mega version of what Bill Murray does in Rushmore. It’s a sequence that attempts to take you into the mind and sensations of a quadriplegic, showing the world from his POV, and which concurrently conveys a great deal about his family dynamics. The ep lured a big star in the form of Kathleen Quinlan, who is married to someone I knew in high school, but her role ultimately is as ephemeral as those of all guest stars, as we watch week after week after week House ponder then solve a medical mystery whose confusing symptoms send the team down one wrong path after another.
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Coincidentally, House M.D.: Season Two was released on DVD on Tuesday August 22 (retailing for $59.95), so House obsessives could have caught up with or relived the second season in anticipation of the third. My complaint about the second season was that it got bogged down in whether or not House was going to lure back his ex-wife, Stacy Warner (Sela Ward). This was a totally annoying and irrelevant subplot, because essentially we don’t care why House is the way he is, and don’t necessary want him to change or be happier. We prefer him to be sharp enough to crack wise at his bosses and colleagues the way we are never quick enough to do in the real world at our terrible jobs.
Yet the romantic subplot, such thin gruel compared to the sexual musical stock closets of Grey’s Anatomy, was itself a solution to the problem of the first season, which is that every week it is just about the same thing, even time-able by commercial breaks. There is the Six Feet Under prologue, where someone collapses somewhere. There is the jaunty opening sequence, which finds House annoying his hospital somehow. There are the three early diagnoses coupled with family problems and home invasions by the staff looking for clues to what makes the patient ail, which take us to the 45-minute mark. Then, finally, there is the resolution to whatever personal subplot is offered up, during which House has the brainwave that solves the A story medical mystery, or also the B story if that one has dragged out this long (in the case of the 3 premier, noticing that a quadriplegic’s toes show signs of scurvy, at the 17 minute mark).
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This repetition is one of the reasons that friends of mine have dropped the show. Yet I continue to watch it when I can, despite being terrified of hospitals and medical procedures. It’s because the mysteries are so dang clever. House is one of the few network shows that demands the viewer keep up. Moreover it shows people thinking, crisis-born thinking, and then the product of that thought. It’s also one of the few shows that has an unrepentant unpleasant person as its central character. House is the WWF of medical dramas, where the villain is the protagonist.
Seeing season two again in a short amount of time only highlights the repetition factor, but also emphasizes the braininess quotient, but then again also the misguided subplot element. This six-disc set has all 24 episodes from the second season, with a small parcel of supplements.
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They begin with an audio commentary by creator David Shore and producer Katie Jacobs, which is mainly nuts and bolts stuff (House has a cold for the episode; did Laurie really have a cold? No) and they are reunited for a yak over the season finale, “No Reason,” where they don’t really get into the philosophical implications of one of the most complex TV shows ever aired. There is also some alternate takes, a blooper reel, and “An Evening with House,” an 18-minute shat with the cast and crew at the Academy of Television, Arts and Sciences, with Shore, Singer, Laurie, and the rest of the cast, which concentrates most on the show’s origins. Finally there are trailers for The Office, Las Vegas, BSG, and Inside Man. The transfers are excellent and each episode has five chapter scene selection.
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“Thank you” is the theme of the season premier, and it ends with a “miracle cure” that I would be curious to know complies with medical science. Still, it’s affecting, and sets up the season to follow as one in which House will battle with his drug addiction, with his “relationship” with Allison, and his need to alienate everyone around him. All that’s missing so far from H3 is a villain; but House hasn’t been too good at villains, especially if you remember the straw man from S1. The show is better when it concentrates on the brainy matter of medial mysteries.
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Always eager to try something different, we’re launching a new series of Quickcast Commentaries here at Quick Stop.Essentially, they’re audio commentaries for existing movies, TV shows, short films ““ whatever the case may be ““ that you can download and sync up to your own personal copies of said films, programmes, etc.
In the future, we’ll be offering commentaries from writers, artists, directors, actors ““ a whole range of creators ““ on films they’ve worked on, films they love, or films they loathe. We hope it will be a fun little corner of the Stop, and we’re eager to hear your feedback.
To kick things off, we’ve got a commentary for George Lucas’s Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, featuring Quick Stop editor-in-chief Ken Plume and QS columnist (“Widge Goes Off”) Widgett Walls.
All you have to do is download the mp3 file below, cue up the film/episode/whatever on your TIVO, VHS, DVD, or computer, then hit play on the commentary (or you can download the free Sharecrow DVD player, which allows you to sync up commentaries on your computer). Hope you dig it”¦
DOWNLOAD:
mp3 Format (128 MB)
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“September, a time of in-between,
a lazy month of nothing.”
-Red House Painters, from the song “Michigan”
BIG CHANGE IN LITTLE RUSSIA
I bought a light meter this week off of Craigslist. After spending the weekend in an eBay frenzy (regret, coupled with unsatiated hope), I found this photographer who was moving to China with his wife and selling his equipment. This was at his studio on the east side of Hollywood, a part of town that somehow mingles Thailand with Russia. The studio was the type of great apartment that can be found, on rare occasion, inside one of the city’s millions of sad, dank apartment complexes.
“China, huh?”
He nodded.
“Big change,” I said.
He shrugged. “It’s time.”
Of course it is. Afterall, this is September. A month that, up until five years ago, was marked by it’s sheer unimportance.
SEPTEMBER
It’s a month of transition, isn’t it? We head back to school, back to work. The end of baseball, the start of football. The unveiling of many unfortunate television shows. The return to “important” films after a summer hiatus of explosions and sequels. The last fits of heat. The first scents of changing leaves.
If not for what happened on September 11th, 2001, this month would go unnoticed, dormant. Ushered in by Jerry Lewis and his timeless antics. Instead, we’re left to endure a string of “America Remembers” specials, salutes to the many brave and innocent whose lives were taken on that day. Not to say these don’t have a place (how, afterall, would we remember without the sweeping melodrama of the newsreel montage?). But every year at this time, you can feel the media gearing up for another assault. “‘Pet Goat’ Schoolkids Remember 9/11” is the headline on Yahoo. You get the feeling not even the media wants to jump back into this. And who can blame them?
FORGET 9/11
Hey, where’d I put my glasses? Have you seen my keys? Did terrorists ever bomb the World Trade Center? I don’t think it’s going to slip our minds. It’s not something we misplaced exactly. Rather, it has become an intrinsic part of our national lexicon, our heritage. It will be more than “remembered”; we’re still trying to figure what it’s done to us.
Are we more anxious? Fearful? Proud? Have these always been American traits, magnified by hysteria? We’re STILL responding to the attacks. We will be for decades.
PRETTY PLEASE
So I’d like to posit this: can we have our month back? We’ll give Katie Couric the day. But the whole month? How long did it take after Pearl Harbor before we gave December back to the holidays? If anything, 9/11 is an extension of what September has forever been: a symbol of change. The Great Transition. A period of repose, where we can forgive our past for the firm grip it’s had on us, let the future dangle a little further out there, and turn our attention to the here and now.
SO WHY THE LIGHT METER?
This has been marinating in my brain for the last week because with TAKE ME HOME pushed back I’ve turned my attention to a short film. It’s an adaptation of a chapter from Sherwood Anderson’s WINESBURG, OHIO (the book I mentioned not too long ago). It’s a wonderful little story and a project I’m going to helm on my own. Rather than spend the rest of autumn kicking myself for the financial missteps of TAKE ME HOME, I wanted to turn my attention to something within the realm of possibilities. My aim is to shoot it at the end of October back in Ohio. I should have something to show you all by the end of November. It’s a project I’m proud of, and one that I think will ready me for the feature. If anything, it’s something to do “in the meantime”. A transition, if you will.
-Sam Jaeger
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So we end up right back where we started from.
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During the evolution of Commander in Chief‘s first half-season, the villainous and ambitious Republican Florida rep and Speaker of the House Nathan Templeton (Donald Sutherland) went from an undermining enemy of politically independent President Mackenzie Allen (Gena Davis) to a close advisor, helping her through a crisis with North Korea. He almost became a friend, and Allen invited him to Thanksgiving dinner, where she handed over a tape of a racist speech he gave in the 1960s. Also, First Gentlemen Rod Calloway (Kyle Secor) went from an emasculated House husband to a close advisor, and Richard ‘Dickie’ McDonald (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) had been hired to do polls and be a close advisor, this change in a bid to match some of The West Wing‘s insider sassiness. Also, Jayne Murray (Natasha Henstridge), Templeton’s chief of staff, had quit and moved on to a job as a consultant or lobbyist.
But by two or three episodes into the second half of season one, after Steve Bochco was summoned to save the show after its creator Rod Lurie, was dismissed, suddenly we are right back where we started from. Templeton was once again an outsider plotting to undermine the president as part of his own ambition for the highest office; Murray was back as his assistant, sitting by his side and saying the mean things he can’t say while receiving the benefit of his sage wisdom about political infighting. And the First Gentleman receded back to his old desk in the emasculation chamber, after an unmemorable phases as a co-chief of staff. And the pollster did hardly anything except stand around and speak a few irritating truths before getting fired and ending up working for Templeton.
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And then there was yet another confirmation hearing, this one for the Attorney General to match the earlier battle for the vice president. The show was beginning to repeat itself and it was only 15 episodes old. Meanwhile Bochco left. Putting CiC out of its misery was probably the best thing the network could do for the show, although apparently Lurie is doing a TV movie based on the series (perhaps it will come in a white box to match the first two’s blue and red).Â
I would mark that as a mistake. One of the problems with CiC is that it was terribly cast. If  The West Wing tended to the wry insider joke Liberal casting, then CiC was driven, after some initial problems, such as getting Joan Allen, whom Lurie wanted for the lead, to drawing on the well of old familiar TV faces and supporting actors, such as Polly Bergen and Adam Arkin and Robert Joy.
Even more so than movies, where it is an issue of the highest order, good casting is crucial to a TV show. For one thing, a popular series is going to last for at least 10 years and people are prone to getting sick of mannerisms or people who are slightly off. Remember how for a long time viewers were mad about Helen Hunt? Now just the memory of her speaking style in the show inspires cringing. Sutherland was never quite right as the nefarious Speaker, Secor was way too soft, and Davis never warmed the viewer to her role. If I could have shuffled the deck for them, I would have put Peter Coyote in as the First Gentleman (instead of as VP), or made Natasha Henstridge the president.Â
Be that as it may, the second half of CiC creeps uninterestingly to its denouement, which consists of a debate between Allen and her nemesis. The eight episodes are strung across two discs, but unlike the previous release, which came out on June 27th and also retailed for $29.95, this half has some supplements. There are also audio commentary tracks by Rod Lurie, over the pilot, which is duplicated on this set (and in which he does not discuss the show’s troubles), and by writer and producer Dee Johnson over the “The Elephant in the Room,” the episode in which Allen suffers an appendix attack and Templeton becomes president for a day. Johnson basically walks the viewer through what the producers wanted to convey about Allen and others, that she is vulnerable, that she can be short with her staff, why there is no flashback in the story, and so forth. There is no reference to the show’s cancelation, its troubled history, or its future. Also on hand is a six minute interview with Davis, shot obviously during the early days of the show, 20 deleted scenes, and bloopers that end with a joke shot of Davis vacuuming the Oval Office rug and show Davis as someone fun to work with. Finally there is a host of trailers for other BV shows and movies.
The question is whether fans of the show, such as they are, will be willing to spend as much as sixty dollars for something the equivalent of which or more can usually be had for forty. It’s moments like these when I realize why the DVD business is going “soft.” It’s because DVD distributors are either reselling the same thing over and over in different packages, or trying to squeeze the last bit of revenue out of failures, such as this show and numerous other cancelled programs that have recently flooded the market.
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Commander in Chief 2-Disc Inaugural Edition Part 2 comes in nice 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen transfers, with Dolby Digital 5.1 audio and eight-chapter scene selection. It hit the street on Tuesday, September 5 for $29.95.
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The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…
For years, Criterion’s 3-disc Brazil box set was the epitome of what the format had to offer, in terms of presentation and bonus materials (not one, but 2 cuts of the film, plus documentaries and deleted scenes, and more). As I became more aware of the technology, I realized that this amazing set had a single Achilles’ heel – the film itself was presented in the (then standard) non-anamorphic letterbox format. Seeking to rectify that one drawback, Criterion has released a new 16×9 anamorphic HD transfer of the film (Criterion, Not Rated, DVD-$29.95 SRP), while retaining that particular disc’s audio commentary with Gilliam and Jack Matthews essay – in other words, it completely replaces the now-outdated disc in that great box set. The transfer itself is absolutely stunning – in fact, when I spoke with Gilliam about it, he remarked it was so good that he was horrified to find that it revealed the wires during the dream sequences (don’t worry – they’ve been erased). Pick this disc up. Now.
The much-anticipated release of the second season of Jim Henson’s Fraggle Rock (HIT, Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP) is a bittersweet affair, coming almost a year after the untimely passing of Muppet writer Jerry Juhl, an amazingly gifted scribe who gave voice, heart, and humor to Henson’s creations for over 30 years, which included guiding Fraggle Rock as its head writer. Thankfully, the producers of these DVD sets were able to conduct interviews with Juhl before he passed – and I’m thankful that we still have his remembrances. In addition to the 24 episodes comprising season 2, the 5-disc set also contains additional interviews, as well as a tribute to the late, great, very much missed Jerry Juhl.
Jerry Seinfeld cites it as the primary influence for his own show, and anyone who views the episodes featured in the inaugural season of The Abbott and Costello Show (Passport Video, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP) will clearly see the precedent it set for a comedy set in New York City and almost entirely about characters and everyday events, rather than your typical sitcom fare. It was also anchored by an amazing comedy duo who managed to reinvent themselves for the small screen without falling into the trap of other comedians making the transition, who seemed to believe they were back on a vaudeville stage rather than pioneers on a brand new medium. I can’t recommend this 5-disc set highly enough, which also features Lou Costello’s rare home movies, interviews with the duo’s children, and the DVD premiere of the Abbott & Costello short film 10,000 Kids and a Cop.
There’s something quite sad about the fact that Rhino has begun releasing the entire Monkees catalog as newly-remastered 2-disc deluxe editions, complete with both the mono and stereo versions plus bonus tracks, while the remastered Beatles catalog remains MIA. However, back to the subject at hand. Despite all the criticism they’ve taken over the years, I still think that the Monkees are a completely underappreciated act that have been unduly maligned – I mean, did Elvis write his songs or play any instruments? The Monkees did both (Michael Nesmith’s tunes being some of the standouts), in addition to recording tunes from songwriters like Boyce & Hart, Harry Nilsson, Neil Diamond, and more. The first two deluxe editions are their debut album, The Monkees, and its follow-up, More of the Monkees (Rhino, $24.98 SRP each).
Celebrating 75 years of Disney comic books, Disney Comics: The Classics Collection (Disney Editions, $49.95 SRP) features the original comics adaptations of Snow White, Bambi, Peter Pan, Alice In Wonderland, Dumbo, and a very odd adventure with Dumbo and the Seven Dwarfs. It’s a beautifully presented volume and a nice bit of nostalgia.
There was a time when I feared that the cancellation of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and the steady loss of rights to the various films featured in past episodes would mean I’d never get an official release of a series I loved so much. But with the release of the 10th MST3K Collection volume (Rhino, Not Rated, DVD-$59.95 SRP), it seems my fears were unfounded. The latest set features Teen-Age Strangler, The Giant Spider Invasion, Swamp Diamonds, and even Godzilla Vs. Megalon. We’ve also got outtakes and a video jukebox, but the real plus is that Godzilla flick – whod’ve thought they’d ever get the rights back to one of those? Where’s my Gamera?
In what seems like a bit of a drawn-out sentence, the 6th and final season of Oz (HBO, Not Rated, DVD-$64.98 SRP) makes its way to disc, with plenty of surprises awaiting the prisoners and keepers of Oswald State Penitentiary in the final 8 episodes. The 3-disc set features a trio of audio commentaries, deleted scenes, original cast audition tapes, and an extended cut of the finale.
Like Ocean’s 11 with a multigenerational group of cons substituting for the fabled thieves, Hustle (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$34.98 SRP) is one of those confection dramas that you devour greedily, enjoying the dramatic cake and the sweet character icing all in one go, unable to stop with just one episode. So maybe the cake metaphor was a bit much, but this is still an amazing show worth a spin, if only for Robert Vaughn’s performance as an aging con with much wisdom to impart to the young, sometimes foolishly cocksure, turks. Bonus features include cast bios and a making-of featurette.
Despite their claims, it was disappointingly obvious as the second season progressed that there was no master plan in place for Lost, and that padding of what was most likely intended as a 3 season arc was creeping in. You can watch the faltering of a once-brilliant series via the 7-disc season 2 set (Buena Vista, Not Rated, DVD-$59.99 SRP), featuring extended episodes, all-new flashback sequences, examinations of some of the show’s mysteries and revelations, deleted scenes, behind-the-scenes featurettes, bloopers, and more.
Fully remastered and available on DVD for the first time in the US, monster movie fans (and aficionados of a certain big lizard) can finally lay their hands on a near-pristine print of the original Japanese version of Gojira (Classic Media/Toho, Not Rated, DVD-$24.98 SRP). The 2-disc special edition also features a restored edition of the American version of the film, which introduced the English-speaking world to Godzilla, King of the Monsters and his archenemy, Raymond Burr. The set also features a look at the construction of the Godzilla suit, audio commentaries by Godzilla historians Steve Ryfle & Ed Godziszewski, a featurette on the story development, and the original theatrical trailers.
I love books that you can pick up, flip upon to a random page, and be instantly entranced by whatever you discover there. A recent tome fitting that particular bill is Silent Traces: Discovering Early Hollywood Through The Films Of Charlie Chaplin (Santa Monica Press, $24.95 SRP). As the title suggests, it’s packed with photos and film frames detailing the locations both then and now of those Chaplin flicks. It’s a wonderful journey back in time, and it makes me feel good to know that some of these locations are still around.
I admit that I’m one of those people who is profoundly disinterested in viewing dramatizations of any of the events surrounding the events of 9/11, and that includes the doomed passengers and heroic actions depicted in United 93 (Universal, Rated R, DVD-$30.98 SRP). Writer/director Paul Greengrass has crafted a dignified, almost sterile, dramatization of that fateful flight that ended in a Pennsylvania field. As usual, make sure you seek out the 2-disc limited edition, which features additional behind-the-scenes features and interviews (mainly a feature on the military and civilian response teams) in addition to a commentary with Greengrass.
I’m sure there was a story in there somewhere, and a pretty good one, but I spent the entirely of District B13 (Magnolia, Rated R, DVD-$26.98 SRP) marveling at the art of Parkour, wherein amazing physical specimens navigate urban landscapes through constant motion – including scaling buildings. The film itself has something to do with a lawless section of Paris in the near-future, and an undercover policeman sent in to the walled area. Bonus features include outtakes, a making-of featurette, and extended fight scenes.
Although presented in paperback form, Viking Studio’s new series of illustrated novels pairs classic literature with modern comic artists for a refreshing spin on material that should be a cornerstone of any self-respecting home library. The novels are presented in their entirety, with periodic illos from the artists. The first two releases are Bram Stoker’s Dracula, with illustrations by Jae Lee, and Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre, with illustrations by Dame Darcy (Viking Studios, $21.95 SRP each).
Do I still have to be embarrassed for actually laughing at – and liking – Jackass: The Movie (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$19.99 SRP)? Does that make me some kind of sad, pathetic person that I got a kick out of watching idiots do moronic things to both themselves and others? If you prick me, do I not bleed? Well, you can now peep an extended unrated cut of the flick just in time for the sequel’s release, which also contains much of the bonus features from the original release, including commentaries, deleted scenes, a making-of special, and additional footage.
How sad is it that the arrival of another 12 episodes of the original heroes on the halfshell gets me so geeky giddy? That embarrassing reaction greeted Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Volume Five (Lionsgate, Not Rated, DVD-$14.98 SRP). Sad. So very sad. I feel like getting a pizza.
Okay… With Scary Movie 4 (Weinstein Company, Not Rated, DVD-$29.95 SRP), we have finally reached the limits of the Scary Movie franchise. No matter how much love I have for the still comedically brilliant Anna Faris, I simply can not see myself wringing any more enjoyment out of this franchise after this tired, strained affair. Maybe I’m wrong about the series’ future, but rest-assured, it needs a radical rethink (or at least a better script). The unrated special edition features an audio commentary, interviews, behind-the-scenes featurettes, deleted/extended scenes with optional commentary, and a blooper reel.
This week’s soundtrack is the album for Hollywoodland (Decca, $18.98 SRP), which features 14 standards from the 50’s – including tunes like “At Last,” “Elephant Walk,” “The Girl Can’t help It,” “The Great Pretender,” and more. I’m still on the fence about Ben Affleck as George Reeves, but the soundtrack disc is worth a spin.
Make Buffy a guy, and you’ve essentially got the premise of The WB’s… sorry, The CW’s… Supernatural (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP), as a pair of supernatural-fighting brothers – one of which wants nothing more than a normal life – are pulled together on a quest to find their missing father. Like most W… CW shows, it’s a light confection sans particularly sharp writing. You can catch up on all 24 episodes via this 6-disc set, which also contains a pair of commentaries, extended scenes, behind-the-scenes featurettes, a still gallery, and a gag reel.
After four seasons and an indelible mark upon the culture psyche, ALF (Lionsgate, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP) wraps up its run with a memorable finale, as well as another 23 episodes across this 4-disc set. Is this the end of ALF? I hope not…
Not nearly as blasphemous as I was dreading, the preschool modernization of Gerald McBoing Boing for new sound-filled adventures is actually quite fun and clever, and has become required viewing for my young nephew. Now that there are 2 DVD volumes of his adventures available (Classic Media, Not Rated, DVD-$12.98 SRP each), I’m sure they’ll be in the Bob the Builder rotation.
He’s been incommunicado for a bit, but Norm MacDonald returns in fine form with a new stand-up CD, Ridiculous (Comedy Central Records, $12.98 SRP). It’d be nice if the wait for a follow-up wasn’t nearly as long an absence.
Lately, I’ve been plowing my through the “Smart Pop” series of completely unauthorized – but utterly engaging – series of pop culture analyses put out by Benbella Press ($17.95 SRP each). Basically, they’re collections of essays on a given pop culture subject, analyzing the given subject in some interesting ways – social, cultural, economic… All across the board. So far, they’ve released Getting Lost (edited by Orson Scott Card), The Man From Krypton (edited by Glenn Yeffeth), The Unauthorized X-Men (edited by Len Wein), Star Wars On Trial (Edited by David Brin & Matthew Woodring Stover), and Boarding the Enterprise (edited by David Gerrold & Robert Sawyer).
Even after months of tinkering and rejiggering, Geena Davis returned to finish out what would be the final episodes of her tenure as President of the United States in ABC’s Commander-in-Chief (Buena Vista, Not Rated, DVD-$29.99 SRP), the final 8 episodes of which are collected in this second 2-disc volume (leaving many to still wonder why they weren’t all collected in a single 4-disc set). Bonus features include an interview with Davis, deleted scenes, and bloopers.
Finally, how about a look at Gentle Giant’s uber-cool 1/6-scale Boba Fett statue, standing approximately 12.5 inches of bounty hunting badosity ($185.00 SRP)? The edition size is limited to 6500 pieces, so grab yours now before the secondary market puts a gun to your head and robs you blind.
So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…
Think you could possibly imagine the late Rodney Dangerfeld decked out in a long red flowing cape, making funny gestures with his fingers?
That pretty much describes Dr. Strange back in the earliest days of Marvel’s sixties revolution. Because, in the forty-five issues featuring the work of his visual creator, Steve Ditko, within the pages of Strange Tales 110-146 (editor Stan Lee was apparently so unsure of the character’s initial appeal that after a mere two episodes, he held the Master of the Mystic Arts out of the next two issues in a rare instance of wait-and-see judgment), the good Doctor was afforded little respect and but a single cover all to his – and Ditko’s – own.
One.
Uno.
And not only was it the enigmatic illustrator’s last foray into Doc’s dark dimensions, he didn’t even actually draw it!
Well, yeah, okay, he did – but he clearly never INTENDED what was ultimately fronting the July 1966 issue of Strange Tales to be the book’s cover.
Here – take a look…
Nice, huh?
So was the interior story’s art – some of which might’ve looked mighty familiar to readers who’d immediately flipped open to Ditko’s baldly titled swan song after falling under the spell of that powerful cover.
Like this panel on page four…
And then, a page later, the sight of the Doctor on this impressive full-page tableau no doubt caused many a fan to experience an immediate sense of deja vu…
Take another, closer look at the masterful bit of production that is the cover of Strange Tales #146. Our hero was flipped, tilted and slightly enlarged (most noticeable on the leg shadings), while the ever inscrutable Eternity had his right arm flawlessly extended by some long forgotten Bullpenner (who also added some big black blobs of ink to flesh out the composition). A nice job, aided immensely by its rich color scheme .
I noticed all this recently when I decided to cobble up my own version of this Marvel Age classic…
Dig this – Dr. Strange made it onto only eighteen of the Strange Tales‘ covers published during the Ditko era! Eighteen out of forty-five opportunities! Yeesh! The first one wasn’t until eight months in, either, on Strange Tales #118, and of that meager total, nine (including the big finale) consisted of small, smaller, and really teeny-tiny Ditko vignettes pasted up (check especially 137 – and all of the rest – over on this page at the Grand Comics Database). Eight of the others fell to the responsibility of lead feature Human Torch/Nick Fury cover artist, Jack Kirby – and as for the lone remaining one, well, we’ll get to THAT one later. More than once, Stan plastered a lamely apologetic blurb like the one found on the front of number 134: “Of course Dr. Strange is in this issue too – but we couldn’t find any place to put him on the cover!”.
Yeah? Well, I’m thinking maybe you coulda tried a little bit harder, Stan.
As it was, even with Kirby at the helm, Doc only managed to score equal or better pictorial billing on two of the King’s covers: 123 and 130. I’ve already drawn my own versions of both, writing them up to boot. (You can see for yourself by checking out these links to my gushing over the sublime delights of Strange Tales #123 #123 – and bitterly complaining about the Sorcerer Supreme upstaging the Beatles on the cover of Strange Tales #130 #130!)
No, Doc was afforded very little respect during the Ditko days, but after recently looking over all these covers, I think I’ve FINALLY figured out a mystery that’s been bothering comics fans for forty years now – why exactly DID Steve Ditko pack up and leave Marvel with no clear cut explanation back in mid ’66?
I’m thinking maybe it was THIS cover than pushed him over the brink…
C’mon, how lame was THAT? Yeah, yeah – there must’ve been some sorta monumentally insurmountable deadline crunch for Stan to stat the splash page of that issues S.H.I.E.L.D. story into the hands of a less-than-enraptured seeming Dr. Strange (drawn by future Doc artist, Marie Severin) – but even as big a fan of the Fury feature as I was at the time, it still just looked silly to me. Imagine then how Mr. Ditko, with his very specific views, reacted when he first spied this image:
“‘Almost everybody reads S.H.I.E.L.D.!”? I don’t think so, I don’t think so at all! Trying to suggest that we unmask the Green Goblin as Norman Osborn was bad enough, but THIS time, Lee has gone way, WAY too far! That’s it – I’m leaving!”
Well, y’know, it MIGHT’VE gone down like that – who can truly say?…
And as for this episode of “The Fred Hembeck Show”, in the words of that final Ditko Doc entry, yes friends, you’ve reached the end at last!
(If you haven’t already zipped on over there, check out Hembeck.com when you get the chance!)
Copyright 2006 Fred Hembeck
by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee
Larger Comic Version | ARCHIVES | OLDER ARCHIVES
Check out the preview to the Image comic Jeff writes…
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September 5, 2006
“It’s the hap-happiest season of all,
With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings,
When friends come to call,
It’s the hap- happiest season of all”
Andy Williams, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”
No, it’s not the thought of the upcoming snowy winter days now that fall is around the corner or even the beginning of the school year that has me humming this little ditty over and over in my noggin. It’s the return of a column favorite of mine.
Last year, I had a jonesin’ for combining one of my long-time passions, comic books, with another albeit more recent one, fantasy football. And before your ask – Yes, I don’t really have a life but I’ve already come to terms with that fact so let’s move on.
Now, last year, I was huge and offered a team that crossed all publishing companies; both big and relatively small. This year, things will be a little different. I wanted to scale down a bit and focus in on only one company’s cast of characters. But the hard choice was which one I wanted to choose for this year.
I was initially leaning towards DC since I grew up on most of their stuff until I hit my early teens. I’ve always thought that DC had the more top-line heroes and villains. But when you think about it, DC’s high character depth is somewhat limited. I mean, outside of even the second tier people like Nightwing, Tempest, Deadshot, Black Manta, and Blockbuster, you really have to think, which sometimes I’m not a fan of doing as my column proves.
Next, I looked at Image’s roster. And while they initially started out as a super-hero company (does anyone remember “Brigade” ““ I try not to and yet, I still do. Thanks Marat), they went away from it for some time and only are just now coming back to it. And plus, in the early days, most of the characters were just bad rip-offs of characters and/or ideas that existed in the Big Two (outside of a couple characters like Spawn and Savage Dragon).
You know which one was left ““ The House of Ideas, otherwise known as Marvel. It was my teenage years when I first started reading titles like “Uncanny X-Men”, “Avengers”, “Ghost Rider”, “Fantastic Four” and the rest that the House that Stan, Steve, Jack and the best Bullpen around built. And yet with that history, I haven’t been as loyal to them as I have DC. I can’t explain why. The reason could’ve been as simplistic like when I first started back reading comics, Marvel was in the middle of a creative dearth. Or it could just have been Bill Jemas’ fault.
Because my knowledge of Marvel is somewhat limited to be generous, I was still on the fence on using them for this year’s draft. Then, “Civil War” happened. Then the shipping delays followed and my decision was made for me. I had to come to Marvel’s rescue; if for no other reason than to give the Zombies a reason to talk about something other than a calendar.
Alright, I’ve explained enough. Here’s the PftL Fantasy Superhero Draft Rules and Guidelines for 2006:
As always, have fun with the draft and try to be as original as you see fit. Believe me when I say that most of the fun about fantasy games is not in the winning per se but in the drafting. Also, the bragging rights and money comes in a very close second. Â
The team that I would draft would be called The Twin Cities Replacements:
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1. Captain Marvel (Genis-Vell) ““ Team CaptainÂ
I want to say that this selection is for the character that was inexistence during the initial Peter David/CrissCross run before U-Decide turned the test tube baby of Mar-Vell turned loony. Prior that that fateful debacle by Jemas, Genis-Vell was like a guy who was trying to find his way as a superhero but had all of the powers cosmic that his father possessed. Later in the run, he began to display some leadership skills albeit through the assistance of the guy who he was bonded to – Rick Jones, the permanent whipping boy of Marvel U. Get this, not only is Jones responsible for Bruce Banner turning into the Hulk but he had to sacrifice himself just so reality wouldn’t implode on itself. If that wasn’t enough, his wife at the time, Marlo, almost did a Ross Geller to him ““ with Moondragon. When your wife comes close to changing teams with a six-foot bald headed psionic woman, you’ve got to wonder what more could the writers at Marvel do to him other than change him into a Giant Turtle? This selection of Captain Marvel would be the one with Jones bonded to him and I would make him the team captain since two heads, even if one is as messed up as Rick Jones’ is, has to be better than one. Â
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2. Captain America (Isaiah Bradley)
Now, he’s more known for his grandson, The Patriot, but other than The Truth: Red, White & Black mini, what is known about Isiah’s time as Captain America. While he may not be as polished as Steve Rogers could be at the same time in his career, Bradley would have the super-solider serum in his system, almost the same equipment, and he looked pretty bad ass in the revised uni. My only reservation with this selection is that he more than likely would have a hard time taking orders from Genis-Vell but I’m willing to take that risk.
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3. Joseph (Magneto Clone)
While I wanted to get a villain that was formerly a hero with this pick, I just couldn’t find one that I liked. That is until I remember a lame X-Men storyline that had a Magneto-clone called Joseph and I figured that was good enough. Joseph is like getting all the magnetic powers of Magnus Lehnsherr but without the baggage. And as cool as Magneto could be, he wouldn’t play second fiddle to anyone, he would be a disruptive force within the team and he would only do things that would benefit him unlike Joseph who would do anything that would be asked of him; kinda like the lovesick and desperate Ericka on “Big Brother All-Stars”. Except that Joseph wouldn’t walk around the team HQ with a pillow under his shirt and saying that Mike Boogie will be the father of the child. Hey, Ericka, if a nickname like “Boogie” for a guy in his mid-30s doesn’t tell you to stay away, girl, you deserve what you get.
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4. Marvel Girl (Rachel Summers)
If you want a good telepath on your team, you’ve got to go the best of the best as far as breeding grounds, which is up in Westchester, NY at the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. I figured that most of the real good ones like Professor X, Jean Grey, and Psylocke would’ve been taken by now. So, the offspring of an alternate timeline version of Scott Summers and Jean Grey can most definitely fit the slot. Plus, she still has the link to Phoenix Force, so she can be a heavy hitter in case the team needs her.
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5. Ant-Man (Scott Lang)
A size changer is almost like a speedster in the regards that they can be found everywhere. Their powers are good for espionage and surprise attacks so getting one would be a good selection at the five spot. Luckily, for me, that in the Marvel Universe, Pym Particles rule so you can find more than a few heroes that fit this requirement. And at pick #5, Pym and his wife have probably left the board so I’ll go for the guy who replaced Pym in the Ant-Man suit and who is presently taking a dirt nap. Before he was axed, Scott Lang was a decent third tier superhero; a little bit bland but he was a good teammate. It’s just too bad that he didn’t get the same treatment that Luke Cage got with the whole Avengers reboot. But, on the bright side, he got some from Jessica Jones before he kicked the bucket. If you’re going to go out, at least he got to hit it before he could quit it. (Really, I’ve been watching too many episodes of “Big Brother”.)
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6. Scarlet Spider (Ben Reilly)
I decided to save this last pick for the most infamous replacement in all of Marvel lore. Everyone remembers certain landmarks in Spider-Man history ““ how he got his powers, the death of Gwen Stacy, and the Black Symbiote Costume. But if you mention the name Ben Reilly to a Spider fan, you would think that all of those pale in comparison to the outrage that the whole Spider-Clone saga gets. Sure, the plot was flawed in everyway and the series has been identified as a case study in what not to do with one of the most iconic characters in comics. I mean, the clone could do the same things as Peter Parker and his powers were even better when you consider that Venom had no effect on his spider-sense. But now, he’s known for giving his new Spidey costume to Spider-Girl. Even still, while the Ben Reilly/Scarlet Spider name can bring up the most hatred and venomous words from the diehards fanboys, I still like the style and look of the only ghetto Spider-Man. I may be the only one but I think that Ghetto Spidey looks way better than the new Iron Spidey that out there presently, which in a few years will probably make its way to the MC2 universe.
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So, there’s my team. Do you think that you have it in you to do better? So good that you can actually win something? Well – do ya, punk? Then what are you waiting for? Start drafting. Here’s the legal mumbo jumbo:
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The Preachin’ from the Longbox Fantasy Superhero Team Contest Rules:
The winner will receive the following haphazard cavalcade of prizes:
(Damn, that’s a ton of stuff”¦)
As was the case last year, the October 2nd column will be one that is totally devoted to the entries that I would consider have some merit or are just too funny for me not to include. So, send early and send often. Actually, only send two but in my household, more than once for me is considered often.
And in case you missed it last time, here’s the link that will take you to the Preachin’ from the Longbox archives. As the saying goes, “If you haven’t read it, it’s new to you.”
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I just got this email on Labor Day morning and thought that I would pass it along. ACTOR – A Commitment To Our Roots, a non-profit organization that helps out comic creators from days past with medicals bills and with some financial support in an aspect that could be considered almost like a pension. It’s a very noble cause and I try to support these causes since these guys are not benefitting from any type of ownership of the characters that they helped to create.Â
Well, it seems that ACTOR has decided to change their name to The Hero Initiative. While the loss of a cool acronym may affect the group’s identity initially, the change needs to happen since the organization’s golas are to help comics professionals, not those crazy Scientologists masked as Hollywood thespians. (Or as Mel “A Few Too Many” Gibson would call them… Ah well, nevermind.) Personally, I would compare this change somewhat similar to a change that happened in one of my fantasy football leagues - the name maybe new but the mission is still the same. Okay, maybe they’re not totally compatible but you get the picture.
I’m off the Longbox this week. I’ll leave with the images of new logos for The Hero Initiative. Remember, don’t forget to keep your bags and boards together and your continuity straight. Until next time”¦
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Desperate Housewives‘s season two was the NBA basketball game of TV shows Ñ¿ only the final minutes counted. You find out what happened, then you’re done.
Well, it wasn’t quite that bad. But still. Before its second season, Desperate Housewives was a show that galvanize network broadcasting, which was on the ropes thanks to competition from HBO, cable in general, sports channels, sports in general, video games, and everything else that floods this self-amusement ridden culture, including counter-programing on the other four networks.  DH is one of the shows that people point to when they say that episodic television is now better than movies.
Or they used to anyway. Something happened to DH in season two, yet no one has been able to say just what it was exactly. For example, the new issue of Entertainment Weekly simply refers to No. 2 as lacking No. 1’s “humor and dramatic unity,” while also getting show creator Marc Cherry to admit that he “learned a lot” toiling on the troubled S2. While everyone was pondering the flaws in DH2, the other ABC shows –  Lost 2 and Grey’s Anatomy 2 – continued to garner more prestige and obsessive viewers. I happen to have a theory about what, if anything, went wrong,  which I’ll get to shortly.
The new Desperate Housewives: The Complete Second Season, The Extra Juicy Edition will give students of the show a chance to sit down and watch its second frame in rapid succession, and doing so may allow viewers to glean clues as to why the second season is bad, or at least widely considered to be inferior to the first.
I’m baffled as to why people think that. After all, this is the season when Gabrielle (Eva Longoria) had a jealous fight with a nun in a church, eventually setting her on fire. And speaking of fire, this is also the season where the accidental pyromaniac of last season faces a conflagration in her own home. This is also the season where Lynette (Felicity Huffman) and her husband change jobs and roles, and where Bree Van De Kamp (Marcia Cross) watches like an angel of death over hysterical pharmacist Roger, whom she lets die in what would have otherwise been a theatrical suicide attempt. Then she abandoned her psychopathic son on an isolated road in the woods. And Susan (Teri Hatcher) broke up with her “plumber” boyfriend and fall back in with her untrustworthy husband, if only temporarily. Not to mention the season-long mystery of the thing or creature in the basement of the hour that new neighbor Betty Applewhite (Alfre Woodard ) just moved into.
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There was quite a bit of action on Wisteria Lane in the season, starting with the resolution of the cliffhanger from S1, and golf carting through all manner of hospital visits, fights, spyings, and psychological games. Personally, I’m a little baffled as to why some critics detected a falling off. Maybe S2 was a little too chaotic, I don’t know; too me it seemed of a piece with the first season, while progressing forward into dark areas, especially in the Van De Kamp family (but I am a sucker: I am continuously surprised at how show writers can come up with new and interesting twists). There are some nice twists in this season; the Danny Elfman music still makes the show by setting a certain tone, jaunty, puppet like, racing, and for me it was a delight to see the normally invisible, because she is dead, narrator Mary Alice (Brenda Strong) pop up in special flashbacks: she has a fantastic voice but also a beautiful smile.
But if so, if there really was something wrong with S2 I think I know what the source of the problem is: Emmy whoring. DH won five Emmys out of numerous nominations for its first season. This may have gone to the head of the sort of people who run DH, that is, people obsessed with awards and award ceremonies. On the new DVD set, creator Marc Cherry mentions a couple of times how this or that scene should have won an Emmy. If your goal is to achieve personal or corporate validation from awards, then you are thinking outside the box in a bad way; your eyes are on the prize, not on the substance of the scene, its place in the show, and the show as a whole. DH won no Emmys in 2006.
But you can make up your own mind. Season two of Desperate Housewives comes in a lavish package, the six discs in a folding multi-disc digipak with a see-through plastic holder. The 24 episodes, in excellent widescreen transfers, are spread over five discs, with the final platter holding all the supplements.
These include a video interview with Marc Cherry and his mother, an inspiration for the show; a 10-minute segment on how a typical show (in this case, Ep 13) is created; a group interview with various contrasting TV moms from Happy Days‘s Marion Ross to The Walton‘s Michael Learned.Â
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There are no audio commentary tracks, but Cherry provides one of sorts over a selection of his favorite scenes, plus over two story lines pulled from episodes for time; there is a profile of the show’s costumer, a promotional bit about the show’s sex scenes, a promotional summary of season one, a look at the DH video poker game, and finally trailers for numerous other Disney shows and movies.
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Desperate Housewives: The Complete Second Season, The Extra Juicy Edition hit the stree on Tuesday, August 29, and retails for 59.95
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by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee
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