Author: UncaScroogeMcD

  • Ken P. D. Snyde-Cast #131: It Pours

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    Adult Swim’s Dana Snyder and Quick Stop Entertainment’s Ken Plume set out to have a literate conversation between two pals, but inevitably devolve into a verbal, and funny, free-for-all full of bickering, infighting, and the special kind of male bonding that comes from conflict expressed through the podcast medium.

    Actor/comedian/raconteur Dana Snyder, you’re certainly aware, is Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, Squidbillies‘ Granny, Minoriteam’s Dr. Wang, and The Venture Bros.‘ Alchemist. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (bat availability pending), you can keep tabs on him via his website, www.eyeofthesnyder.com.

    Ken Plume is the editor-in-chief here at FRED. He is a friend of Dana’s, as well as his arch-nemesis.

    VISIT THE SNYDECAST EXPERIENCE

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    KEN P.D. SNYDECAST #131: It Pours – Ken & Dana return with tales of weather gone mad, which then veers into travel talk and suitcases before launching into an anecdote of Christmas Eve just past.

    [CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

    DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
    Episode #131 (MP3 format)

    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/snydecast/ken_p_d_snyde_cast-131.mp3]

    SUBSCRIBE
    Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

    Got something to say? E-mail Dana & Ken at the Snydecast mailbag.

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    CLICK HERE FOR THE SNYDECAST ARCHIVES

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  • Soapbox: So, AVATAR…

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    So, AVATAR

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    depJames Cameron wanted me to let you know that, in addition to being “the king of the world”, he is now also the king of Pandora. That, of course, is the name given to the moon associated with the planet Polyphemus in Mr. King of the Galaxy’s new movie, Avatar. An Avatar is, as I’m sure you know, the binary and digital equivalent of an “AKA”, which itself is just an acronymic way of saying “I can’t stand on my own two feet, so I’ll adopt a more exciting alter-ego”.

    In this rather bizarre and “meta” way, Avatar is indeed a real avatar. Pretending to be its own movie, it is, in fact, a fascinating cross-cut blend of several other films, including Ferngully, Dances with Wolves, Pocahontas, Apocalypto, and maybe a bit of Braveheart. However, since Avatar dresses up its brazen plagiarism with some absolutely stunning and spectacular digital imagery and special effects, we’ll give it a pass and hand it some awards.

    A quick synopsis, then: we Americans are a greedy, unfeeling, insensitive bunch of chunk-heads who have no appreciation whatsoever for other cultures, let alone other planets. We frequently go around with actual dollar signs flashing out of our eye sockets, and we will stop at nothing to make a lot of money very quickly. Thus, the RDA Corporation has set out on a mining expedition to Pandora, where it will blow stuff up, kill innocent life-forms, and generally make a drunken fool of itself in the quest to obtain a valuable mineral called … wait for it … unobtainium. Please, stop laughing, Mr. Cameron can hear you.

    One of the ways the RDA Corporation intends to get this unobtanium (genus: nowaytoprocuremal) is to infiltrate the native Na’vi people using “avatars” – a human-Na’vi hybrid, specially built for the purpose, and operated by human beings using slightly upgraded The Matrix technology. Seriously, you jerks, quit laughing, this is serious art.

    Jake Scully operates the lone avatar that is successful in being accepted by the Na’vi people, and this forms the basis for the movie’s morality tale: once Jake gets to know and love the Na’vi (because you just know he will), will he remain loyal to the humans and help them rape the land, or will he become a traitor to his race by helping the Na’vi preserve their civilization? I’ll bet you really can’t guess, can you?

    I liked the film, in a sort of “3 stars out of 5” way. As promised, the CGI and digital effects show was very good, and the epic battle at the end of the film was as epic-y and battle-ish as anyone could want. My point of contention is that James Cameron carved up an over-used story, threw in some seriously shameless and pedantic political propaganda, and used that as an excuse to put on a digital dog-and-pony show.

    The Na’vi prance around in their skimpy outfits, with their long and braided hair, worshiping the Mother Nature Goddess Life Energy Force and living off the resources of the land – and they have a pretty catchy war-cry, to boot. You can go ahead and mentally supply the eagle-feather warbonnets and tomahawk dancing.

    As the unapologetically mercenary humans prepare to go to war against the Na’vi, their actions are justified as “pre-emptive”, and described as a “shock and awe” campaign. Jake complains that we humans have already killed our Mother (Earth, I think, although he may have been talking about Mother Teresa), and declares that human beings must be taught that we cannot simply take land away from other civilizations in order to get what we want.

    In short, as the climactic battle begins, and the war cry is sounded, the average viewer will be so fired up and emotionally provoked that he may very well leap up out of his theater seat, raise his fists into the air, and scream “DEATH TO THE HUMANS!” Presumably, he will then return to his seat and continue consuming his 885 oz. Pepsi and 50-gallon drum of popcorn, little realizing that he has just sided against his own race in favor of a fictional, digital, alien community.

    I fail to understand why James Cameron chose the American people as the antagonists in this film. After all, he was writing a story line that simply needed to pit humans against aliens, but out of all the cultures and races on Planet Earth from which to choose, he selected Americans. Obviously, Mr. Cameron has not watched enough Bugs Bunny or Connery-era 007 films, or he would have known that the nationalities preferred for representing Evil Incarnate in cinema are Russians or Germans.

    I can only conclude that James Cameron is himself an alien, currently operating a genetically engineered human avatar, sent here to infiltrate our planet and prepare us for the coming alien invasion by filling us with self-loathing.

    Still, he’s doing it with some fantastic special effects, so … who cares? Pass the popcorn.

    Jacob Michael

  • Contest Round-Up: 2010-01-20

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    Welcome to our weekly round-up of featured giveaways here at FRED. Every Wednesday, we’ll present a new clutch of DVDs, books, and other cool stuff you can take a shot at winning. All you have to do is click on the graphics below to be taken to their respective contest pages. And good luck!

    In conjunction with Sideshow Collectibles, we’re giving away THE DEAD: SPECIMENS.

    In conjunction with Warner Bros. Home Video, we’re giving away five (5) copies of THE INVENTION OF LYING on both Blu-Ray & DVD.

    In conjunction with Warner Bros. Home Video, we’re giving away five (5) copies of WHITEOUT on both Blu-Ray & DVD.

    In conjunction with BBC Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of MI-5: VOLUME 7 on DVD.

    In conjunction with Fox Home Video, we’re giving away two (2) copies of WHIP IT on DVD.

    In conjunction with Shout Factory Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of PARKER LEWIS CAN’T LOSE: SEASON 2 on DVD.

  • Win PARKER LEWIS CAN’T LOSE: SEASON 2 on DVD!

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    In conjunction with Shout Factory Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of PARKER LEWIS CAN’T LOSE: SEASON 2 on DVD.

    Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, February 10th.

    CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

    Official Rules

    No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

    No Purchase necessary to win.

    Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

    One entry per day, per person.

    All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, February 10th.

    The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

  • Win WHIP IT on DVD!

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    In conjunction with Fox Home Video, we’re giving away two (2) copies of WHIP IT on DVD.

    Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, February 10th.

    CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

    Official Rules

    No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

    No Purchase necessary to win.

    Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

    One entry per day, per person.

    All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, February 10th.

    The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

  • Win MI-5: VOLUME 7 on DVD!

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    In conjunction with BBC Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of MI-5: VOLUME 7 on DVD.

    Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, February 10th.

    CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

    Official Rules

    No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

    No Purchase necessary to win.

    Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

    One entry per day, per person.

    All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, February 10th.

    The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

  • Win WHITEOUT on Blu-Ray & DVD!

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    In conjunction with Warner Bros. Home Video, we’re giving away five (5) copies of WHITEOUT on both Blu-Ray & DVD.

    Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, February 10th.

    CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

    Official Rules

    No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

    No Purchase necessary to win.

    Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

    One entry per day, per person.

    All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, February 10th.

    The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

  • Win THE INVENTION OF LYING on Blu-Ray & DVD

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    In conjunction with Warner Bros. Home Video, we’re giving away five (5) copies of THE INVENTION OF LYING on both Blu-Ray & DVD.

    Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, February 10th.

    CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

    Official Rules

    No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

    No Purchase necessary to win.

    Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

    One entry per day, per person.

    All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, February 10th.

    The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

  • Win THE DEAD: SPECIMENS from Sideshow Collectibles!

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    In conjunction with Sideshow Collectibles, we’re giving away THE DEAD: SPECIMENS.

    Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, February 10th.

    The latest addition to the Sideshow Original The Dead collection, Sideshow proudly brings you The Dead: Specimens Legendary Scale Bust Set. This plague-ridden trio, including Specimen 090: Probe, Specimen 187: Bullet, and Specimen 419: Lobotomy, depicts just a few of the desperate attempts to eliminate The Dead. Each piece is individually painted and finished, each with its own unique quality and detail that is the trademark of a handcrafted Sideshow Collectibles product. The Dead: Specimens Legendary Scale Bust Set is an outstanding addition to any display.

    PLEASE NOTE: If you enter this contest, you are also signing up for Sideshow Collectibles’ newsletter. You can always unsubscribe whenever you want, but it’s full of great news, giveaways, exclusives, and announcements.

    CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

    Official Rules

    No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

    No Purchase necessary to win.

    Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

    One entry per day, per person.

    All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, February 10th.

    The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

  • Bagged & Boarded 45: Someone Finally Got A Modem

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    What happens when two young men let their love of movies, comic books, and all things “geek” take over their lives? They run away from their families, bringing only the most essential DVDs and comics to their secret, highly fortified underground bunker in sunny Southern California, where they start recording podcasts that will change the world.

    Are they heroes?

    No.

    Are they geniuses?

    Far from it.

    Are they the future of this planet?

    I sure hope not.

    Simply put… Matt Cohen and Jesse Rivers are “Bagged and Boarded”.

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    BAGGED & BOARDED #45: Someone Finally Got A Modem – In which Matt and Jesse – That’s right, Jesse’s back! – are triumphantly reunited, and the gents discuss the current state of comic books, the Golden Globes, and their top 20 films of the decade! It’s the one you’ve been saving yourself for…

    [CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

    DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
    Episode #45 (MP3 format)

    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/baggedboarded/bagged_boarded-45.mp3]

    SUBSCRIBE
    Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

    Got something to say? E-mail Matt & Jesse at the B & B mailbag.

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    CLICK HERE FOR THE BAGGED & BOARDED ARCHIVES

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  • Party Favors: Walk Like A Man

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    DES MOINES – During the 20th Century when a young boy or girl wanted to know how to be an adult, they’d learn from the movies. This education was not from merely emulating the stars in Hollywood films. There were thousands of movies made for the classrooms that covered nearly every subject a young mind needed to absorb. And thousands of those 16mm films found their way into Skip Elsheimer’s A/V Geeks educational film center.

    Skip tours the country giving presentations of the films in various theaters, museums, art galleries and occasionally a classroom. He’s sharing another batch of gems in two new DVD sets from Kino. How to Be a Woman and How to Be a Man are instructional, inspirational and horrific. Strange to see what professionals thought was great advice. Here’s a little sampler from How to Be a Woman:

    Here’s an overview of How to be a Man:

    The footage of Skip at the AV Geeks archive was shot by me. It must also be revealed that Skip once lived in my closet. It was a really big closet. This was supposed to be an interview with Skip, but he had to go under the knife for surgery. We wish him a speedy recovery. Ironically he’s scheduled to screen various medical films at the Moore College of Art & Design in Philadelphia on January 23. Are you ready to see “Cell Wars” in the land of Parking Wars?

    The two sets received a major plug on CBS’s Sunday Morning that led to sell outs at Amazon. Both DVDs are back in stock. If you want to find out what various health films Skip has in the collection or tour dates, visit www.avgeeks.com.

    UNDERCOVER BLAHS

    Is CBS serious about airing Undercover Boss after the Super Bowl? The show looks about as interesting as watching a marathon of corporate inspirational videos. As if any of these bosses are going to show themselves as dispassionate boobs who spend more time on the phone with their brokers finding out when they can dump their stock options.

    I Get That a Lot is a Candid Camera segment that’s flatlined. As if anyone isn’t going to guess Gene Simmons or Paris Hilton is really working a minimum wage jog. What would be more interesting is getting Hollywood’s hard working supporting actors who appear in every film, but you don’t know their names. Where’s Jane Lynch, Stephen Tobolowsky or Glenn Plummer? Actors who people will wonder if they saw them in films or their college yearbook. That is comedy.

    The show I’m looking forward to is Fox’s Baptism of the Stars Thrill to the sight of Hollywood Heathens getting wet for Jesus. It’s going to be their big Easter special.

    EXTREME LEFTOVERS

    Can you imagine how bad it would be in the ’70s if you were at a party with James Caan, Warren Beatty and Wilt Chamberlain? What are the odds of you getting close to a woman’s phone number let alone her hotel room keys? If you saw their cars parked outside a nightclub, go home. You’d have better odds scoring at a convent. This trio slept with enough women to fill a World Cup stadium.

    Rumors now swirl that Rip Torn once had a threesome with Mrs. Butterworth and Aunt Jemima.

    DA PLANE

    For all the Retro TV action that’s taking place as either digital sub channels or on regular broadcast in certain places like Chicago, there’s a piece of programming missing. Does any channel in America have a Saturday night line up that includes The Love Boat and Fantasy Island? If you want to create a nostalgia night, why not give us Captain Stubbing and Mr. Rourke with a cast of 100s of stars as their guests? These were the ABC crown jewels with Ernie Anderson’s iconic voice warning us that if you didn’t have a social life, you could take a staycation with a cheap cruise and a tourist trap.

    For those of you who want to semi-recreate the night, you can get the first season of Fantasy Island and the first two seasons of The Love Boat on DVD. But it’d be sweeter if a plucky programming could reunite these cheesterpieces of the ’70s and ’80s on the night they mattered.

    REVISIT THIS BAND

    As part of desire to plan ahead, my new year’s resolution for 2011 is to make the J. Geils Band cool once more. And I’m not talking about the “Freeze Frame” and “Centerfold” era band that dominated MTV for a couple weeks. I’m talking about the band that wailed on “Whammer Jammer.” Peter Wolf is the type of vocal dynamo you don’t get anymore. He’s not merely singing. He’s calling in urgent air strikes on his baby’s heart. This is the type of music that shouldn’t be listened to in a smoke-free bar. Dig up the live stuff to get that shot of distilled mayhem.

    MORE FOOD

    Why do all these competition cooking shows send their chefs to Whole Foods with a $100 to buy all their groceries? Imagine how much more food they could buy a normal supermarket or even a farmer’s market with the same amount of cash. You can’t get a decent chicken thigh for less than $10 there.

    BLACK BELT FESTIVAL

    Jim Kelly is finally getting his due with Urban Action Collection. Three of his better films are on this low budget set with Black Belt Jones, Three the Hard Way and Hot Potato. You should know Kelly from his ass kicking turn in Enter the Dragon where he held his own with Bruce Lee and John Saxon. This trio contains more of his inner city karate skills. Three the Hard Way is a classic with Kelly teaming up with Jim Brown and Fred Williamson. The fourth film is Black Samson. I recently caught the trailer and it’s just strange. Rockne Tarkington roams the ghetto with a giant club and a full grown lion. Here’s a strange piece of trivia: Rockne was the only black actor to speak on The Andy Griffith Show. If you have a little left on your gift cards, enjoy those Badass Cinema classics of the ’70s if you have a little left on your gift cards. You might want to also pick up a bottle of Colt 45 Malt Liquor to properly appreciate the thespian greatness of Kelly and Tarkington.

    It’s a perfect appetizer while waiting for Black Dynamite.

    WORLD’S WORST DAD

    DVD SHELF

    Mel Brooks’ Spaceballs: The Totally Warped Animated Adventures attempts to revive the 22 year old Star Wars spoof as an Adult Swim-esque cartoon. They were smart enough to get Mel Brooks, Joan Rivers and Daphne Zuniga to voice their characters. Unfortunately RIck Moranis isn’t Darth Helmet. Instead were given Dee Bradley Baker with a rather forgettable tone. While they supposedly made 13 episodes, only 4 are included on the DVD. Fans of the movie will get a laugh or two from the continuing spoofs of science fiction films. However the series doesn’t go beyond the humor of the movie. Mel Brooks supposedly over saw the cartoons, but it seems he’s more concerned about Broadway adaptations of his old movies. There’s just little things missing from Spaceballs that makes it a pale impersonation of the original film instead of taking the characters to an animated galaxy.

    The Marine 2 stars Ted DiBiase Jr. instead of John Cena as the elite marine who bumps into trouble on his vacation. This time the WWE wrestler gets taken to a Thailand resort with his woman for the grand opening. Turns out a few of the locals aren’t liking the place. They attack the resort and take the VIP guests hostage. It’s up to DiBiase to take kick a little ass to get back his woman and lay down the international law. The biggest star in the film is Michael Rooker (Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer). He’s not even the villain which is good for DiBiase. Rooker is out of his league when given an evil role. DiBiase does play it a little more convincing than Cena in this sequel. It does help that the action is focused around the resort. The takeover scene is plays well with numerous explosions and an attack force wearing tribal masks while unloading automatic weapons. The bonus features include extended and deleted scenes with Muay Thai Fighting. Crack open a beer and enjoy the beatdowns courtesy of the son of the Million Dollar Man. You can also get it in Blu-ray to see a more vivid tropical terror.

    Make It Or Break It: Volume One, Extended Edition takes us inside the highly competitive world of female gymnastics. The pressure is on for these girls who have only a few years to achieve Olympic glory. The 10 episodes on the boxset introduce us to the hopefuls at the Rocky Mountain Gym. They call it “The Rock.” There’s a lot of politics to go along with the floor routines. A new Russian coach arrives with visions of making it big for his little trainees. This show is properly aimed at kids who like to watch gymnastics, but fear being flung through the air and tearing apart their knees. It allows people to realize there’s tons of hardwork and backstabbing before you can get on the balance beam.

    10 Things I Hate About You: Volume One adapts the teenage cinematic adaptation of Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew into a weekly series. Larry Miller returns in the role of Dr. Walter Stratford, but nobody else from the film steps down to the small screen. There’s a new Kat (Lindsey Shaw) and Bianca (Meaghan Jette Martin) giving strife to Patrick (Ethan Peck) and Cameron (Nicholas Braun). The series is aimed for the kids who think high school is the key to romance. Each week Bianca attempts to become part of the popular kids at school. This is followed up with another reason why Kat has to turn everything complicated. The show is a single camera 30 minute sitcom so things don’t get bogged down too long. This is a sitcom for the tween that wants more from the Heath Ledger movie.

    The Boys Are Back is Clive Owen (Children of Men) in a bit a weeper. He’s a sportswriter who loses his wife to cancer. He now has to deal with raising their young son and his teenage son from an earlier marriage. He’s got to find time between his work to care for the boys. It’s bit of a male version of a Lifetime film. Scott Hicks who directed Shine gives the tale an arthouse polish that elevates the material above a made for TV movie. If they remade this in America, Clive Owen would be begging for a slot on ESPN’s Around the Horn. It is refreshing to see a dad-centric film. Owen’s face shows the burden of his new life as single dad.

    Surrogates is about people who control androids so they no longer have to leave their houses. It’s kinda like Avatar without blue people, Roger Dean album cover landscapes and that pesky anti-American message brought to you by News Corp. Bruce Willis is the last human willing to roam society. He’s an FBI agent investigating the murder of a student linked to the creator of the robo-clones. Action director Jonathan Mostow and his crew keep the action tight and barely over 80 minutes. The film represents the rebirth of Jack Noseworthy. It’s a good entry for your Bruce Willis Buttkicking Marathon 2010. Bonus features include a commentary track from Mostow.

    I Heart Jonas brings together seven episodes of the series as a Valentine’s Day gift. Although this year, there will only be hearting done to Joe and Nick Jonas since Kevin is now married. The show does its hardest to make the three brothers act like the Monkees of the 21st century. The slow paced editing cuts down on the chaos and insanity that made the Monkees an iconic musical comedy. Also doesn’t help that the brothers aren’t secretly rebelling against their cute pop star image. They seem content being pure pop for a teen audience. They won’t be sneaking Frank Zappa onto the set. The highlight of this batch is “You’ve Just Been Jo Bro’d” with American Idol winner Jordin Sparks. Remember when she defended their promise rings against the foul mouth Russell Brand.

    thirtysomething: The Complete Second Season brings us the rise of Miles! Is he the savior to Michael and Elliot or their doom? This was a strike shortened season so there’s only 17 episodes. My favorite part is all that cutting edge ’80s technology and shoulder pads. Here’s a teaser for the show.

    The Keeper takes Steven Seagal out of his reality show and punches him back into the world of cinematic whoopass. He’s an ex-cop that was screwed over by his devious partner. He grabs a gig as a bodyguard to a rich guy’s daughter. However his bad luck streak continues when the gal gets kidnapped by mobsters. Seagal refuses to take a third strike on his record. He must track her down and bring the pain on those that would sully his reputation. It’s a modest production on scale with a Walker, Texas Ranger. Although they overload the explosives in Seagal’s gaze. There’s no bonus features. I wanted my Seagal audio commentary, but I guess he wants to keep the secrets of his industrial strength hairdo. It’s big non-thinking action fun from the TV cop.

  • Soapbox: Golden Globes, Ricky Gervais, AVATAR, & A Few Other Buzzwords

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    Golden Globes, Ricky Gervais, AVATAR, & A Few Other Buzzwords

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    depGolden Globes night. I had just cracked open a cold bottle of Paulaner Hefe-Weizen, while recalling my grandfather’s now-legendary words of wisdom: “Just remember, you can’t drink it all – they’ll always make more.”

    Even now, years later, I see no reason to attempt to prove him wrong.

    I was primed for this awards ceremony, having seen Ricky Gervais several days prior on The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien, where the subject of his hosting the Globes was discussed briefly. More importantly, Gervais made it quite clear in his comments to Conan whose side he was on, and he doesn’t strike me as one to pull any punches. Gervais + Pro-Conan Stance + Hosting an awards show on NBC = a recipe for some potentially (unintentionally?) hilarious disaster.

    I was in no way disappointed. Gervais made some comments that made me squirm in my seat and laugh nervously, repeatedly finding a welcome distraction in my wheaty beer (I would drink three bottles before the show finally ended). A small sampling of what I mean:

    – In his opening bit, Gervais expressed his concern that NBC might suddenly replace him as the host of the awards, and put Leno in his place (adding at one point, “I’m not used to these sort of viewing figures … neither is NBC, for that matter”). This didn’t get unanimous laughter from the star-studded audience. Ricky, Ricky, Ricky… this is a Hollywood audience. Leno’s been around since before Jim Carrey was doing In Living Color, for cripe’s sake – he’s gotta have more than a few friends in this audience. Nervous laughter.

    – The original creative power behind The Office, Gervais complained to the audience that everyone thinks Steve Carrell is the brilliant one, as evidenced by the fact that he gets all the movie deals. He referred to the American version of the show as having “jumped the shark” (literally, “Arthur Fonzarellied”), and promoted the British version of the show on DVD. More nervous laughter.

    – Gervais spoke of having flown over on the same flight as Sir Paul McCartney (who was nominated for Best Original Song from a Motion Picture), noting that McCartney flew coach because he was “saving money… he spent an awful lot last year.” Jokes about divorce are rarely funny to the person who just experienced one. Still more nervous laughter.

    – Before introducing Mel Gibson, Gervais walked on-stage with a beer, admitted to having “had a few”, then delivered the blow: “I like a drink as much as the next man… unless the next man is Mel Gibson.” Then he left the beer on the podium, thus setting up one of the night’s funnier moments, which came, not from the show itself, but from the Twitter stream: Ken Plume (@KenPlume) quipped, “Ricky even left the drink out for Mel. Now THAT’S a good host.”

    Which brings me to my next point: I watched this entire event with my Twitter stream flowing, washing gently over me and keeping me informed, in 140-character quips, about what other people wanted to say about the show. It was like watching the whole thing with a room full of friends, who for some reason would only speak in short sentences, and only all at the same time. Oh well. At least I didn’t have to share my beer with them.

    The whole live-tweet experience probably colored my perception of the awards show. There were a few genuinely funny moments in the show itself (see McCartney’s quip, “Animation is not just for children, it is also for a-dults who take drugs”), but most of the laughs that came from me, specifically (as opposed to “you”), were prompted by comments from the tweeple I follow. When Mickey Rourke walked on-stage in a too-large-to-be-taken-seriously cowboy hat, Ricky Gervais refused to poke fun at him (“mainly because he has arms as big as my legs”, he explained). Thankfully, Caissie St. Onge (@Caissie) was there to jab, “I love that Mickey Rourke declined to do banter of any kind. You’re not going to get wittier than that hat”, while Tim Siedell (@badbanana) noted, “Not sure Mickey Rourke knows someone put a hat on him as a joke.”

    These were the golden moments of the Golden Globes. It gave me a great idea for future ceremonies: live-streaming Twitter feeds, running constantly on a jumbo-tron in the background. Wouldn’t that be awesome? We could sit in the comfort (read: safety) of our own homes and launch our stream-of-consciousness thoughts directly into the audience. I’m betting that would change a few things about the environment and atmosphere of those shows. Granted, Ashton Kutcher (@aplusk) might have to stop tweeting during those events, but I consider that a net win, really.

    It also made me wonder: in what other scenarios might this live-tweeting medium prove to be a major enhancement to the event currently being experienced? Sporting events? Movie premiers? Book readings at the local Tea Society? Papal Vespers?

    I don’t know. But I think I’m close to discovering something big here. I’ll let you know when I figure out what it is.

    (A quick BTW/PS: I know, this post was about the Golden Globes, and I didn’t say anything about which movies won which awards. It doesn’t really matter. Same amount of shockers, upsets, disappointments, complaints, victories, no-kiddings, and they-deserved-its as last year.)

    Jacob Michael

  • Soapbox: FourthMeal, FifthMeal, SixthMeal

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    FourthMeal, FifthMeal, SixthMeal…

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    depI suppose it’s a sad enough commentary on the state of our current culture that, as I prepare to begin this article by stating that I was recently out for a “FourthMeal” run, I realize there is absolutely no need to explain exactly what “FourthMeal” is. Congratulations, Taco Bell – all of those billions of dollars spent on that ridiculous advertising campaign were dollars well-spent; your nasty little slogan is now part of our common vocabulary.

    I also wanted to say this: I think the “FourthMeal” branding is incredibly presumptuous. I resent the fact that Taco Bell assumes they know me well enough to make the statement, stamped with a registered trademark no less, that this is my fourth meal of the day. It might only be my third meal of the day, which would explain why I’m running out for fast food at 11:45 PM. Maybe I skipped dinner, and that’s why I’m so desperately hungry that I will actually drive to the nearest Taco Bell and actually order, pay for, and eat their pseudo-Mexi-slop. For that matter, maybe this is my ninth meal of the day. Perhaps I’m shooting for a personal record.

    I am somewhat shocked that, these days, nearly every single item available for purchase at Taco Bell comes with a taco on the side. You want a quesadilla combo? That comes with a taco. You want a cheesy bean burrito combo? That, too, comes with a taco. You want a family-size combo-pack of 15 tacos? Here, have a taco with that.

    When the time comes for the helpful sales associate to process your order, they are required by Federal Law to ask you, “Would you like a hard or soft taco with that?” This is where I get a bit antsy, as a consumer. I’ve already sat in line at the drive-thru and fearfully, anxiously weighed my menu options for a solid 15 minutes – not because I wanted to wait that long, but because that’s how long it took for this well-oiled, “fast”-food machine to process the order of the guy in front of me. By this point in the chronology of events, I’ve already come to several food-based crossroads, and I’ve moved on: I know which of the fifteen combo meals I want, I know which beverage (regular or diet) I would like to accompany that combo, I know whether I will go with steak, chicken, or beef in my “Supreme” (not “Baja”) Gordita (not Chalupa), I know what size I want, and I know which sauces I want on top of it all.

    Do you really need to pressure with this “hard-or-soft-taco” decision now?!

    Does it really even matter? We’re talking about the exact same internal contents in either case: some ground beef, a sprinkling of lettuce, a small ration of finely diced tomatoes, exactly seven cheese shavings, and a tiny plop of sour cream (yes, the standard Taco Bell unit of measure for sour cream is indeed the “plop” – look it up). The only difference between the hard or soft taco, then, is the flexibility of the wrapper around the taco-y center. Will it be brittle and dry, or will it be soft and moist? Either way, is it really going to drastically impact the overall enjoyment I will derive from the combo meal as a whole? I strongly doubt it. Do I intend to do anything with this edible taco wrapper that may or may not result in personal injury, based on its durability or texture? Perhaps, but not likely.

    So I like to let the helpful sales associate choose for me. That’s one less thing they can screw up (although, I will not be terribly surprised if this one day happens to me). “Hard or soft taco?” “It’s your call, man.” I’m pretty easy going when it comes to my fast-food, precisely because it is just that: fast-food. This isn’t a formal outing, there are no culinary critics involved, and none of the menu items include fancy French sounds (such as words ending in -eaux, or words beginning with D’– or L’-). I didn’t put on a coat and tie for the occasion, nor did I bring a vintage bottle of cabinet reserve to accompany my “FourthMeal”.

    On the contrary, I pre-resigned myself to ordering food from a place that actually spent marketing dollars on the concept of a late-night munchie-run. I fully expect the food-product that gets handed to me in a plastic bag through a tiny glass window by a minimum wage associate named “Chip” – food-product that is, I remind you, accompanied by paper-towel napkins and occasionally packaged in a cardboard box – to be heavy on functionality, and light on aesthetics. Put simply: I expect to cram this crap down my gullet in order to quiet the growl in my belly, not to experience taste-bud nirvana.

    Which is why I will never understand those people who treat the drive-thru encounter as though it were akin to dining out at the Olive Garden. You know the type: the person who drives up to the little metal ordering-box and asks for the Big Hombre combo (all 38 pieces), grande-sizes the hell out of it, but then demands to have the tomatoes on the side, the sour cream swapped out for ranch dressing, nacho cheese instead of the pepper-jack, no “zowie” sauce, and two empty tortilla shells instead of the baggie of chips.

    To this individual, I calmly say: please consider your %$!!@%$! surroundings and do a much-needed reality check. The franchise from which you are currently ordering your late-night sustenance has three large tubs in the back storage area, filled with ground meat-product, cheese-product, and some kind of damp “veggie” mix. The 74 menu items you see are simply a series of variations made up of ingredients drawn from these three tubs, rearranged in inventive ways for marketing purposes. You should consider yourself lucky that they don’t just dump the whole sloppy mess straight into the plastic bag, and hand it over to you with a spork and a friendly “good luck, Señor.”

    Now… If you’ll pardon me, I need to go back to Taco Bell and complain. They put jalapeño sauce on my quesadilla and forgot to add fresh onions, again.

    -Jacob Michael

  • Masters Of Song Fu #5: The Winner Revealed!

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    We here at FRED are true lovers of music, in all its forms. We’re also quite keen on the spirit of competition, and of spurring creativity through said competition.

    To that end, we launched a unique form of creative combat here at the Stop.

    In this age of manufactured and painfully earnest talent contests, we’ve decided to instead shine a light on the quirky, quixotic underworld of musicians that don’t get nearly the attention they deserve.

    Ah, but I did mention that there was a competition involved…

    Like a songwriting version of Iron Chef, the competitors will be presented with a very specific songwriting challenge. They’ll be given one week to complete their songs – however they see fit, within the parameters set forth – after which time the entries will be uploaded to Quick Stop to be voted on by you, the audience.

    Oh, and what do we call this competition?

    MASTERS OF SONG FU

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    Let us not forget the very special Masters of MASTERS OF SONG FU. Think of them as the iron chefs of Song Fu – one of which will be revealed as your ultimate challenger in THE FINAL CHALLENGE. Past Masters have included Jonathan Coulton, Paul & Storm, Neil Innes, The RiffTones, and Garfunkel & Oates. Any one of them could be your final Challenge – or perhaps it could be a brand new Master. Only the Challenger who garners the most cumulative votes in all of the Challenges will move on to the Final and face that Master, mano a mano.

    So what was the 1st Challenge?

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    ROUND 1 CHALLENGE

    This is a bit of a fun one. Your first task is based upon the work of Friend-of-the-Stop John Hodgman – specifically, the “700 MOLE MEN” listed in his second book, More Information Than You Require. You’ll find the full list of “700 Mole Men” – and their descriptions – HERE. Your task is to choose one (1) and write a song about that Mole Man, based on the description provided by Hodgman. The title of your song will be the name of the Mole Man you’ve chosen, and its corresponding number on the list. You are free to write your song in any style that you choose.

    That’s it. The only other directive is that your song must run no shorter than 1 minute.

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    You’ll find the Round 1 songs from each of our Challengers below, as well as the results of the Round 1 voting (As some competitors did not make their Round 2 submission in time, you’ll find those missing songs in the ROUND 1 ZIP FILE, which you can download below).

    So what was the 2nd Challenge?

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    ROUND 2 CHALLENGE

    Write a song about a number.

    That’s right – a song about a number. It can be any number, and it can be describing or representing anything. The number you choose will be the title of your song. The song can be in any style you’d like. Your song must run no shorter than 1 minute.

    If you want some inspiration, here’s a number song from Harry Nilsson
    [audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/harry_nilsson-one.mp3]

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    So what was the 3rd Challenge?

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    ROUND 3 CHALLENGE

    Write a winter holiday song that is not about the holidays.

    Your song can reference the holidays, but must not be explicitly about them. However, it should incorporate instruments and/or a style that evokes the holidays. Your song must run no shorter than 1 minute 30 seconds.

    If you want some inspiration, here’s a song from Jona Lewie, “Stop The Cavalry”
    [audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/jona_lewie-stop_the-cavalry.mp3]

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    And now, the big announcement. Due to holiday scheduling issues, the Master for this edition of Song Fu was not able to compete. Therefore, the Challenger with the most votes has been declared the winner, and has become a Master of Song Fu – joining past Challengers Molly Lewis and Berg & Jerry. Despite not getting a go at a Master, our winner decided to do a Final Round song anyway – and you’ll find that below, preceeded by some comments about the song in question, straight from the newly-minted Master, who has won not only the remarkable (and potentially off-putting) bragging rights and a clutch of fantastic mystery prizes, but has also become the proud owner of the magnificent, one-of-a-kind MASTER OF SONG FU TROPHY.

    THE MASTER OF SONG FU #5

    JOE “COVENANT” LAMB

    I’m Joe Covenant. I’m Scottish. And never have enough time to do everything I wanna! Been singing and perfoming for over 40 years… (yes, I am 46.)… and I’ve nearly learned a 6th chord! Everything I do. I do for Song Fu. (If not for this ‘contest’ I would have never met and collaborated with so many talented people.)

    When thinking of what to do as a final song, I thought back to my first real Song Fu challenge – “Write a Happy Song” – and, as this win had a hint of bittersweetnes about it, I thought I would flip that first challenge around and “Write a Sad Song”…

    …this is it. Thanks to Ken for the Fu, and to all the regs at TooMuchAwesome for inspiration!

    Official Website: joecovenant.bandcamp.com
    Twitter: twitter.com/JoeCovenant

    ROUND 1 SONG:#297 Mr. Tom Furby
    [audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/05song1/joe_covenant_lamb-297-mr_tom_furby.mp3]
    ROUND 2 SONG:2
    [audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/05song2/joe_covenant_lamb-2.mp3]
    ROUND 3 SONG:Ghoul Tide
    [audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/05song3/joe_covenant_lamb-ghoul_tide.mp3]
    FINAL SONG:Life is Hard (… then you die)
    [audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/05song3/joe_covenant_lamb-life_is_hard_then_you_die.mp3]

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    To download a ZIP FILE containing all of the ROUND 3 songs, CLICK HERE.

    To download a ZIP FILE containing all of the ROUND 2 songs, CLICK HERE.

    To download a ZIP FILE containing all of the ROUND 1 songs, CLICK HERE.

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    ROUND 3 VOTING

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    ROUND 3 VOTING – THE CHALLENGERS RESULTS

    [poll id=”23″]

    View Results

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    ROUND 2 VOTING – THE CHALLENGERS RESULTS

    [poll id=”22″]

    View Results

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    ROUND 1 VOTING – THE CHALLENGERS RESULTS

    [poll id=”21″]

    View Results

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    SIGN-UPS FOR MASTERS OF SONG FU #6 WILL COMMENCE ON MONDAY, JANUARY 25th

    [ad#contestbox]

  • FROM THE VAULT: An Interview with Stephen Colbert

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    Heya folks – Ken Plume here, with an interview from the vaults. I interviewed Stephen Colbert towards the middle of 2003, when it was still possible to set up an in-depth piece with Stephen that wasn’t destined for Entertainment Weekly or The New York Times.

    I had followed Colbert ever since I’d seen him as a castmember of the short-lived Dana Carvey Show (bonus points if you can spot me in one of the episode openings), and I kept track of him as he moved on to Exit 57, Strangers With Candy, and then his regular spot as a correspondent on the original Craig Kilborn version of The Daily Show.

    When I did this in-depth piece with Stephen, The Daily Show – under Jon Stewart – had begun to take off, and was fast becoming a strong voice in the political and journalistic landscape.

    Below, you’ll find my original introduction to the piece, and then my rather large-ish chat with Stephen.

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    Stephen Colbert is perhaps best known as one of the senior correspondents for Comedy Central’s The Daily Show.

    Comedy fans, however, also know him as co-creator/writer/star (alongside Amy Sedaris & Paul Dinello) of Comedy Central’s decidedly surreal take-off on preachy afterschool specials, Strangers with Candy (the complete first season of which recently made its DVD debut).

    Perhaps less well-known, he co-created (with Robert Smigel) The Ambiguously Gay Duo, providing the voice of Ace to boot. And speaking of cartoon voices, he also does a few for Cartoon Network’s Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law.

    Colbert’s first book, co-written with Sedaris and Dinello, has recently hit book shelves the world over. Wigfield is a somewhat disturbing, completely hilarious view of a small town’s triumphantly pathetic struggle to survive.

    A Strangers with Candy movie is on the horizon – until then, though, here’s our in-depth interview with everyone’s favorite fake news anchor…

    KEN PLUME: Am I correct in understanding that you’re from South Carolina originally?

    STEPHEN COLBERT: I am.

    PLUME: Am I also correct in understanding that as a high school student, you weren’t terribly motivated?

    COLBERT: Oh no, I was not. I was motivated to play Dungeons & Dragons. I mean highly, highly motivated to play it.

    PLUME: How often?

    COLBERT: Every day, if I could find someone to play with me. If I couldn’t find someone to play with me, I would work on my player character.

    PLUME: That was the heyday of D&D, wasn’t it?

    COLBERT: It was, actually. I started playing Dungeons & Dragons the first week it was introduced to the market – at least the first week it was introduced down here. Before Dungeons & Dragons, there was a game called Metamorphosis Alpha, which was also created by Gary Gygax, the guy who created Dungeons & Dragons. I played that, and then we heard this other thing was going to be coming out, called Dungeons & Dragons. The first week it was out, we played it and we were hooked. That was in 1977, I think.

    PLUME: What was the big difference between the two that appealed to you?

    COLBERT: Well, the difference between the two was Metamorphosis Alpha was Dungeons & Dragons in space, and Dungeons & Dragons was sorcery. I was a huge fan – I read a lot of sorcery.

    PLUME: So a big Lord of the Rings fan?

    COLBERT: Lord of the Rings, Stephen R. Donaldson, Fritz Leiber – you know, Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser series. Gosh, who else? I can’t believe I can’t remember more of them. Michael Moorcock, The Chronicles of Corum, the Elric – so many.

    PLUME: What would the teenager of then think of the Lord of the Rings films?

    COLBERT: Well, that part of me is not dead, really. He would be just as apprehensive as I was, before the first film came out. Really, really, really hoping – excited, obviously – but really, really hoping that they don’t blow it. Because they were going to go in with a big enough budget, they were going to create some pretty startling images, and you didn’t want those images to replace the images in your mind.

    PLUME: I’m assuming you had bad memories of the Bakshi film.

    COLBERT: Oh gosh. That was really important to me at the time, when the Bakshi film came out, and that was pretty devastating. There’s no way – I couldn’t see an upside to that one at all.

    PLUME: Yeah, I don’t think there was much of an upside to that.

    COLBERT: No. But this one, I have some friends who work at New Line, and so when this film was coming out, they got me into early screenings and that kind of stuff. Like the 28 minute trailer that was shown to press ahead of time. The summer before the movie came out, I saw that 28 minute trailer. I was just shaking by the end of it, I was so excited, at the end of the Moria sequence. They have the unedited, like, 18 minute Moria sequence – uncut 18 minute sequence at the center of it. I was blown away. It wasn’t how I imagined it, and it was fine.

    PLUME: Have the films continued to impress you?

    COLBERT: I was a little distressed in the second film by what they did with Faramir.

    PLUME: Oh, the evilization?

    COLBERT: The fact that he succumbs to the power of the ring. Or not so much the power of the ring as he succumbs to …

    PLUME: He’s a bit of a bastard in the film.

    COLBERT: Well, in the film, he says, “You’re going to Gondor.” I thought, “No, no, no!” One of the greatest moments in the book is when he looks at the ring, he knows what it is, and he says, “Alas for my brother, Boromir. He loved Gondor too much. He was willing to take this thing and use it, but I told you if I found this thing by the side of the road I would not pick it up. And I’m a man of my word.” You know, it changes his tone completely. Then, they go to Osgiliath, where they have this encounter with the Nazgul that doesn’t happen in the book, and then Faramir just changes his mind? Like, the one person in the history of Middle Earth, who when confronted with possession of the ring just changes his mind at some point? That was really heartbreaking.

    PLUME: He’s a bit flighty.

    COLBERT: Yeah, and actually, I went to go see the world premiere of that, because they had it in New York, and as I’m walking out, a friend of mine who went with me – he knew I was sort of obsessed with the books – said – and I was really upset – said, “So, what did you think?” But Brad Dourif, who plays Grima Wormtongue, was standing right next to me. I couldn’t say anything. I was like, “It was good. It was good.” But then I saw it a second time and I managed to leap that particular puddle, and loved it. I mean, it’s wonderful – but there’s so much that they don’t cover.

    PLUME: I think the second film is the most radical departure from the text.

    COLBERT: Well I hope so, because that third film’s got a lot riding on it.

    PLUME: Of course, who knows what the extra 40 minutes on the deluxe DVD are going to add back in…

    COLBERT: Yeah, who knows?

    PLUME: Gosh, where did we get off on this tangent?

    COLBERT: Oh yeah – “So you weren’t a good student.”

    PLUME: Was there anything besides that that interested you? Was there any inkling of performing or writing?

    COLBERT: I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn’t like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way. But, in sort of a James Bond-ian kind of explosives in the gas tank of his car kind of way.

    PLUME: Of course, those kind of letters today would have gotten you thrown out of school.

    COLBERT: They really would have. They really would have. And all I was doing was I was just trying to impress a girl. I can’t tell you how many of those I wrote. I wonder whether she kept them. I’d love to see them.

    PLUME: Put them in a collection?

    COLBERT: Or hide them. And I wrote things for the school’s newspaper, and – like all teenagers – I dabbled in poetry.

    PLUME: Dabbled in a lot of poetry directed towards this girl as well?

    COLBERT: No. I should have… that would have been much wiser. I hear girls are weak for that sort of thing.

    PLUME: I guess few people realized just what a creative enterprise role-playing was at that time.

    COLBERT: Yeah, nobody realized it. They thought it was warping their children’s minds. Which it might have been, but it also took a lot of creativity to play it.

    PLUME: Well how many of those people now are multi-millionaires… or were, before the Internet bubble burst….

    COLBERT: Right.

    PLUME: So, would you say that your parents pushed you in any one direction, or they were just hoping that you would find a direction?

    COLBERT: No, they were just hoping that I would find a direction. Just very supportive of what I eventually decided to try to do. But would have been perfectly happy if I had been lawyer or been a potter.

    PLUME: Just something productive?

    COLBERT: Just something that could pay the rent.

    PLUME: Was it difficult getting into Hampden-Sydney?

    COLBERT: Oh no, it was not. It was easy to get in, hard to stay. They accept a lot of people, but they failed a huge percentage of the freshman class.

    PLUME: So was it a bait and switch?

    COLBERT: No, it was a “playtime’s over” kind of place.

    PLUME: They lure you in with easy admittance …

    COLBERT: And then they hammered you. It was really hard work. I would have to say it was harder at Hampden-Sydney than it was Northwestern.

    PLUME: At any point were you on the verge of dropping out?

    COLBERT: No, no, no, no. I did very well. I applied myself.

    PLUME: How much of a wakeup call was it?

    COLBERT: I knew that I had never been applying myself when I was in high school, and so I knew that this was my last chance. So, I worked very hard. The hardest part was I didn’t have the disciplinary skills. I didn’t have the self-discipline, so it took a lot more time to do the work I needed to do than it took the better students.

    PLUME: How long did it take to finally learn that discipline?

    COLBERT: Probably my freshman year. By the time I got to my sophomore year, I realized that you actually had to be like an Ovaltine commercial. You had to finish classes, come back to your room, and immediately start working. Then, after that was over, then it was playtime.

    PLUME: I’ve never really heard of Hampden-Sydney being a party school …

    COLBERT: Well, it was to a certain extent, but I wasn’t Greek. I didn’t become part of the fraternity system, which is where that would happen – and I purposely didn’t join them, so I would work harder.

    PLUME: What was the major that you were leaning towards there?

    COLBERT: I don’t know. Philosophy is what I took most classes in.

    PLUME: So, nothing that would have been applicable after college.

    COLBERT: No …

    Continued below…

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  • Weekend Shopping Guide 1/15/10: Yellow Fever

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    The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the FRED Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

    (Please support FRED by using the links below to make any impulse purchases – it helps to keep us going…)

    Ignore all of the pale-wannabes and unfortunate attempts to adapt it for other markets, and stick with the original UK edition of Top Gear, hosted by the madman trinity of Jeremy Clarkson, James May, and Richard Hammond. If you don’t like cars, don’t worry – I could care less about cars, but love this show something fierce, and it all comes down to the energy, likeability, and humor of the presenters. Don’t believe me? Check out the newly-released Top Gear: Season 11 (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP) & Top Gear: Season 12 (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP) and judge for yourself. The 2-disc 11th season is barebones, but the 12th season contains audio commentary on the epic Vietnam and Botswana specials, deleted scenes, extended segments, and deleted scenes.

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    Tongs? Who wants use tongs when you’re cooking hot food! Heck, if you use tongs, you probably use oven mitts, too! Well, join the future and start on your journey to become more machine than man by getting a pair of Fusion Silicon Finger Tongs ($17.99 each), which are wearable heat-resistant implements that allow you to pretend you’re a cooking robot. Because you always wanted to do that. Right?

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    Jumping ahead of about 7 unreleased seasons, Springfield’s first family celebrates two decades on the air with the release of The Simpsons: The Complete Twentieth Season (Fox, Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP). Flying in the face of previous sets loaded with commentaries on every episode, this is a paractically bare-bones release, with only an abbreviated version of the 20th anniversary special by Morgan Spurlock. However, as this was the first season to feature episodes broadcast in widescreen HD, this is also the first season to be released on in a Blu-Ray edition ($59.99 SRP). The bonus feature is the same, but it looks oh-so-sweet in high-def. I just wish the episodes themselves were funnier.

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    I don’t know how much work he actually did on it besides lending it his name (or if he’s even read it), but George Lucas’s Blockbusting (It Books, $29.99 SRP) is a fascinating examination of 300 of the most financially and critically successful films in Hollywood history, examining their creation, production, marketing, reception, and legacy via factoids, tidbits, and contest that’s a page-turner for any cinema nerd. Like me. And, most likely, you.

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    If you’re not yet aware of the work being done by the fine folks at La-La Land Records, let this be your wake-up call. They’ve been quietly releasing a whole slew of limited edition, much-requested soundtracks to classic flicks, and the latest to get their treatment is Caddyshack (La-La Land Records, $19.98). Not only do you get the tunes (“I’m Alright”, “Any Way You Want It”), you also get cues from Johnny Mandel’s score.

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    I’m always game when someone shakes up the chat show format with a unique take – made all the better when it’s hosted by someone that you actually want to spend time with. Such is the case with Elvis Costello’s Spectacle (MVD, Not Rated, DVD-$49.95 SRP), which combines live music performances by his guests with candid conversation that doesn’t come from heavily pre-planned, all-too-brief talk show appearances. The 5-disc first season set features the likes of Elton John, Lou Reed, Smokey Robinson, James Taylor, Rufus Wainwright, Roseanne Cash, and more. Bonus materials include bonus songs and backstage interviews. A Blu-Ray edition ($69.95 SRP) is available, with identical bonus materials.

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    Combine an anniversary of an evergreen title with rather unfortunate recent events, and you get a 10th anniversary special edition of the Shakespeare in high school 10 Things I Hate About You (Touchstone, Rated PG-13, DVD-$19.99 SRP), which shovels on a retrospective documentary, an audio commentary, and deleted scenes. A Blu-Ray edition ($28.99 SRP) is also available, with identical bonus materials. Also available is the first volume from the TV series of 10 Things I Hate About You (ABC Studios, Not Rated, DVD-$29.99 SRP), featuring 10 episodes, the pilot, audio commentaries, featurettes, and bloopers.

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    In the late 80’s when it made its debut, Mighty Mouse: The New Adventures (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$45.98 SRP) was bizarre, particularly when compared with the other Saturday-morning cartoons surrounding it. Under the supervision of Ralph Bakshi, our hero’s adventures became surreal and odd in a way that paved the way for the likes of Ren & Stimpy and Spongebob. If you don’t believe me, look no further than this 2-disc set, which contains all 19 episodes, plus a trio of classic Terrytoons Mighty Mouse cartoons and an interview-packed featurette.

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    It’s often overlooked as the odd period between Cheers and his recent renaissance on Damages and Bored To Death, but Becker (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$36.98 SRP) was an often dependable workhorse sitcom starring Ted Danson. The 3-disc complete 3rd season contains all 24 episodes featuring the Bronx-dwelling doc.

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    From the editors of McSweeney’s comes Heads On And We Shoot (It Books, $39.99 SRP), a wonderfully unique (in its presentation, at least) look at the making of Spike Jonze’s adaptation of Maurice Sendak’s Where The Wild Things Are. The books is presented in three sections, laid out as a book (with covers) literally within a book. See? Unique! And the behind-the-scenes info is fun, too.

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    You can feel the creak beginning to set in as we enter the 12th season of ER (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP), even though Dr. Victor Clemente arrives on the scene and Maura Tierney’s Abby becomes even more front and center. The 6-disc set contains all 22 episodes, plus unaired scenes and outtakes.

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    Bring the classic run of the series to a close before the lackluster post-movie, set-in-the-future episodes with the release of Transformers Season 2: Volume 2 (Shout Factory, Not Rated, DVD-$29.99 SRP). The 4-disc set contains 21 episodes, a featurette, PSAs, toy commercials, and concept art.

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    Don’t let the often cornball series keep you from seeing the original feature Fame (Warner Bros., Rated R, Blu-Ray-$39.99 SRP), a gritty, often bleak, yet uplifting look at the students of New York City’s High School For The Performing Arts. The new Blu-Ray features a reunion commentary, a vintage featurette, a look at the school that inspired the movie, the theatrical trailer, and a bonus CD sampler of the soundtrack.

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    They’ve become cable classics over the years, despite their last-gasp, 80’s style over-the-top action cheese, but my do Last Action Hero & Cliffhanger (Sony, Rated PG-13/R, Blu-Ray-$24.95 SRP each) look good in high definition, Last Action Hero is featureless, but Cliffhanger delivers audio commentaries, deleted scenes, featurettes, an introduction from director Renny Harlin, and more.

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    Lionsgate is releasing handful of their music & musician-centric feature films in a series their calling “Music Makers”, all of which come packed with a sampler CD featuring a track each from the musicians highlighted in the films (with an additional cut from Bobby Darin). The films in question are the Darin biopic Beyond The Sea (Lionsgate, Rated PG-13, DVD-$14.98 SRP), Ray Charles in Ballad In Blue (Lionsgate, Not Rated, DVD-$14.98 SRP), Sammy Davis Jr. in A Man Called Adam (Lionsgate, Not Rated, DVD-$14.98 SRP), and Buena Vista Social Club (Lionsgate, Rated G, DVD-$14.98 SRP).

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    Maybe it’s in films like Wrong Turn At Tahoe (Paramount, Rated R, DVD-$14.98 SRP) that Cuba Gooding Jr begins to claw his way back from such memorable missteps as Boat Trip and Snow Dogs. In this direct-to-DVD mob flick, Gooding is a Mafia protégé tasked with taking out a drug dealer. Unfortunately, he finds out the titular Tahoe works for a really big mob boss (Harvey Keitel) who expects payment for the lost revenue. Give it a spin.

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    I never really cottoned to the BBC’s recent slick & shiny take on Robin Hood (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP), but I know a healthy fanbase has grown up around it, and are surely awaiting the third season’s arrival. Sadly for them, that third season is the final one, and this 5-disc set features all 13 episodes, plus featurettes and video diaries.

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    While you’re patiently awaiting the arrival of Sideshow Collectibles’ own premium format version of Dave Stevens’ Rocketeer, why not pick up the Real Action Heroes 12″ version of The Rocketeer ($164.99) from Medicom Toy – conveniently from Sideshow Collectibles. The tailoring is spot-on and the overall effect is nifty, and it’s certainly a fun piece. You know you want it. Admit it.

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    So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

    -Ken Plume

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  • Ken P. D. Snyde-Cast #130: Exciting And New

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    Adult Swim’s Dana Snyder and Quick Stop Entertainment’s Ken Plume set out to have a literate conversation between two pals, but inevitably devolve into a verbal, and funny, free-for-all full of bickering, infighting, and the special kind of male bonding that comes from conflict expressed through the podcast medium.

    Actor/comedian/raconteur Dana Snyder, you’re certainly aware, is Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, Squidbillies‘ Granny, Minoriteam’s Dr. Wang, and The Venture Bros.‘ Alchemist. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (bat availability pending), you can keep tabs on him via his website, www.eyeofthesnyder.com.

    Ken Plume is the editor-in-chief here at FRED. He is a friend of Dana’s, as well as his arch-nemesis.

    VISIT THE SNYDECAST EXPERIENCE

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    KEN P.D. SNYDECAST #130: Exciting And New – Ken & Dana return with lingering colds and faux-pep aplenty, and what starts out on the wrong foot quickly boards a ship and journeys into a discussion about love. On a boat. You could call it a Love Boat.

    [CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

    DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
    Episode #130 (MP3 format)

    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/snydecast/ken_p_d_snyde_cast-130.mp3]

    SUBSCRIBE
    Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

    Got something to say? E-mail Dana & Ken at the Snydecast mailbag.

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    CLICK HERE FOR THE SNYDECAST ARCHIVES

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  • Musical MySpace Tour #4

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    This was supposed to get here two weeks ago. This was also supposed to contain different bands to the ones I review this week. Essentially, nothing has gone right.

    Eight months ago I changed from a PC to a Mac. I needed to acquaint myself with Final Cut and my PC at the time was very low spec. Eight months is all it lasted before the hard-drive died. The reason why I’m talking about a laptop in a music review column is because I had written a Musical MySpace article I was particularly proud of, but before I could send it to anyone… well, Apple fucked up. Considering I vowed to review EVERY band that sends me a friend request, you would think I need to go back and write my views on these musicians again, right? Unfortunately, MySpace apparently deletes friend invites after about a month, and despite the fact that I had the band URLs saved in a document, well… I’m boring myself with this already.

    Needless to say, if all that information can be retrieved, I will get back to it and publish it here – but in the mean time, I’m still getting friend requests, so I need to review the new batch at the very least. I owe it to them! I owe it to these musicians to tear their hard work apart with snide remarks and poor wit. Where would the world be if I didn’t?

    It’s a new year, a new decade, a new way of backing up my files (move it along, Aaron), but bands are still using MySpace as a way of getting noticed. Let’s see if any of them are worth noting.
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    music-abacayABACAY
    www.myspace.com/abacayie

    Abacay are the duo of Melany Morganstern and Miles Torrance. I probably won’t be talking about their music much. They make vanilla seem like a party in your mouth. Bland. She can sing ok, I guess, and the music sounds like you’ve heard it before, in an elevator. Or from The Lighthouse Family. Your mum would probably love it.

    What interests me most, however, are some of the things on their site page.

    First of all, there is a song called “Madonna”, and another named “Moby”. Neither have anything to do with the musicians of the same names, it seems, but this confused me at first when it had the words “Sample” in brackets on the titles. I probably got the wrong end of the stick entirely with the lines “Please, I’m on my knees/ please, Madonna please” too. Oo-err missus!

    I got a massive giggle from the little question and answer section on the sidebar. Not just for the broken English (this kind of electro-pop-crap music could only be done by our European brethren) but also for this quote “Are Melany and Miles living together? No. Are they in relationships and will the public get to know more about? Melany and Miles please to repect their privacy.” WOW. Not only have they left the glaring misspelling of “respect” (Aretha would not be pleased) but… WHO THE HELL CARES?

    All this does is make me want to find out more about these two. Why did they bother to include such a thing if nothing was going on? What have they got to hide? Who is moving around in the attic? I’m 6 foot, why can’t I dunk in basketball? It’s all madness! Despite it being none of my business and of no real interest, it’s still ten times more fascinating than the music on offer here.

    When reviewing musicians for this article, I like to play their songs on loop for a while so I can soak it all in. Not once could I tell the difference between any of these songs – and there are 10 available. It’s musical wallpaper.

    Presentation = 3/5
    Content = Outside of the bad interview there is nothing outside of the norm
    Music = 2/5
    Friend Request = DENIED!

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    music-freddywilliamsFREDDY WILLIAMS
    www.myspace.com/dikshunary

    Hear me now! It’s gospel-reggae! You can’t beat it. And if you do beat it, you’re going to hell… Or Jamaica. I haven’t decided which, yet.

    Freddy Williams, AKA Alantonio Reggae/Soca – I’m not lying it says so in his blurb – has apparently been plying his trade for over 20 years. I’m a little confused by this statement, however, as it also says in his “about me” that he has had a 15 year musical hiatus and has only been performing/recording for 6 years. First off, if you don’t do something for 15 years, it’s not a hiatus anymore. You just stopped doing it. Secondly, if you’ve done something for 6 years, you’re not allowed say that you’ve done it for over 20. That maths just don’t work, even if Jesus likes you. Jesus knew his maths. You had to be good at maths to sort out the loaves and fishes for a large party deal. Get it together.

    Freddy seems like a good guy. His songs are full of positive sentiments and melodies. Lots of joy and love is being shared. Good to his Mammy (just listen to his song “Mama’s Love”) and good to his woman (any other song). Just not good to my ears.

    It’s not that he’s not likable, in fact he has got that quality in abundance. The problem is that he doesn’t have any originality. If you’ve heard the soundtrack to Cool Runnings, you’ve heard any one of Freddy’s songs. And this is not a slight on reggae music – there is some fantastic stuff out there – it’s just a slight against making stereotypical reggae music. This is like listening to genre by numbers. Steel drums and all.

    Presentation = 2/5
    Content = Just some music and a lot of bullshit about himself.
    Music = 2/5
    Friend Request = DENIED!

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    music-5sadows5 SADOWS
    www.myspace.com/5sadows

    You know, it’s getting tough to do this. It’s the “about me” section that is getting to me this week. To prove my point regarding what I’m up against here, I’m going to directly quote 5 Sadows:

    “5 Sadows were created back on 2003, by Greg, the band started as a cover band, with the name ‘Venus’ back then, covering mostly ‘HIM’ songs. Later Greg and Man P, decided to take the band to the next level with a new name, ‘5 Sadows’, and with a new plan, they started to compose their own songs. The band had a name and some songs, but there was an empty space, the band didn’t had a personal sound, so Greg decided to keep the old fashioned Fuzz distortion pedal and combine it with some Octave, and the band used the Octafuzz distortion pedal as a basic sound for the guitars, but the lyrics were too sentimental for such a noisy guitar sound and Greg decided to use some more melancholic and ominous keyboards. The actual idea behind the band is the dark atmosphere with lyrics that will make people think what is Love and Hate, Life and Death, Dark and Light, and take people to a beautiful journey though the Gardens of ‘5 Sadows’.”

    Now, tell me how enthusiastic you are to listen to the songs after reading that shit. If there is one piece of advice I can give to a band, considering I’m not a musician, it’s to keep those things straightforward and honest. Keep the pretension at home, or limit it to what you tell girls at parties to try and impress them. Unfortunately, the music is just as pretentious.

    What worries me most, however, is that all the sample songs (he we are with samples again, sigh) have over 850,000 plays each. WHAT THE FUCK?! Really? 5 Sadows are from Athens, Greece and are seemingly a big deal. Who knew? Also, who new Greg was a common name in Greece?

    It seems whiney goth rock is just as popular in Greece as the rest of the world. Zeus damn it. I wonder if they get how appropriate “5 Sad-ohs” is as a name.

    Presentation = 4/5
    Content = Nothing in full, I’m not even sure the words are full, they’re probably also samples.
    Music = 2/5
    Friend Request = DENIED!

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    music-femmepopFEMMEPOP
    www.myspace.com/femmepop

    oooOOOoooo. Interesting.

    The current music scene around these parts is littered with female singer/songwriters, from the excellent and Irish Cathy Davey and Lisa Hannigan to Britain’s own Duffy and Adele. Femmepop, or Margaret O’Sullivan as she’s know to her mother, could fight it out with this bunch without any need of a handicap.

    Her songs range from the slightly tougher, darker tones of “Good” to lullabies like “Kick”. Her site features quotes attributed to the likes of Hotpress magazine and Phantom radio DJ Edel Coffey. “Kick” also holds my favourite lyric of the week, with “Nothings are getting started”. Simple yet interesting in a lot of ways. A description that can also be used to describe Femmepop as a whole.

    If I was to level a complaint, it would be that there is possibly too much sweetness here. The music is jangly and light. Accompany this with a voice that could ice a cake and you can be put on overload. Despite a hint of rockier influences, there is little edge to be found in Femmepop’s songs. There is nothing wrong with that. We need some light to counteract the shit that is available out there, but I think this is the reason why I probably won’t be coming back for seconds.

    The problem is that, and especially with the mission I have set myself with this column, sometimes you can find a musician that you can see is talented, that you can tell is enjoyable, and that you could recommend to someone you know, but just isn’t for you. I don’t connect with Femmepop. I don’t relate. But I know a couple of folks who will, so I’ll be passing her name along. Sorry Margaret, this isn’t personal, but I’m clicking the Deny button on you.

    Presentation = 3/5
    Content = An EP’s worth of songs but no videos or many pictures.
    Music = 4/5
    Friend Request = DENIED!

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    musicairplaneTHE AIRPLANE GAME
    www.myspace.com/theairplanegame

    This six piece band from Reno describe themselves as being rock/breakcore/pop-punk. I have no fucking clue what breakcore is. In fact, I have such little knowledge of it I went and wikipedia’d it. “Breakcore is a style of electronic dance music largely influenced by hardcore techno, drum and bass and industrial music that is characterized by its use of heavy kick drums, breaks and a wide pallet of sampling sources, played at high tempos.” Remember kids, every day is a school day.
    There are some good elements to The Airplane Game. The have a great drummer, for one. They play well. I was listening a couple of times while multitasking and my foot did tap along. A good sign indeed. The big picture at the top of their page made me smile. Their guitarist Jessie Gonzales has an excellent paedophile moustache (see John Waters), which is always a winner in my book. “Sign Your Pity” is a good song, although that could just be my penchant for crowd participation sing-a-long parts, which this clearly has.

    There are a few things I don’t get, though. Why do they need two vocalists? I can understand when a guitarist or bass player will add vocals, but to have two people who only sing seems… unnecessary. None of the songs I’ve heard sounded like they needed that extra person. I don’t see the merit. Especially when they sound SO much like every other singer in their genre. Why must you whine so? Is it required for this form of rock, or just a coincidence? Also, if you can sing, stop screaming at random intervals.

    I can’t really tell the songs apart, either. There are some moments from each song that I really like, especially the breaks that I guess make this “breakcore” (by the way, tomorrow in work I’m going to be taking breakcores all day long, no more tea-breaks for me, it’s tea-breakcoring all the way) but if you asked me which song these moments belonged to I would have to look it up.

    I guess I missed the boat with this sort of thing. I realize reading back on all this that I sound like an old fart trying to describe The Airplane Game. I’m only 26, but they make me want to shout “darn kids!” every time.

    Either that or they’re shit. You know, for the sake of my self esteem, lets just go with that.

    Presentation = 3/5
    Content = A video, some songs and not too much ranting about themselves.
    Music = 3/5
    Friend Request = DENIED!

    -If anyone would like to be a part of Aaron’s Musical MySpace Tour just send him a friend request over at www.myspace.com/aaronhbp. Be warned, he’s a cantankerous man and will most likely make fun of you.

  • Contest Round-Up: 2010-01-13

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    Welcome to our weekly round-up of featured giveaways here at FRED. Every Wednesday, we’ll present a new clutch of DVDs, books, and other cool stuff you can take a shot at winning. All you have to do is click on the graphics below to be taken to their respective contest pages. And good luck!

    In conjunction with Sideshow Collectibles, we’re giving away a SHE-HULK Premium Format Figure.

    In conjunction with Shout Factory, we’re giving away five (5) copies of KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS on DVD.

    In conjunction with Shout Factory, we’re giving away three (3) copies of THIRTYSOMETHING: SEASON 2 on DVD.

    In conjunction with Lionsgate, we’re giving away three (3) copies of GAMER on DVD.

    In conjunction with Lionsgate, we’re giving away three (3) copies of WEEDS: SEASON 5 on DVD.

    In conjunction with Lionsgate, we’re giving away three (3) copies of SMOKIN’ ACES 2: ASSASSINS’ BALL on DVD, plus SMOKIN’ ACES water bottles.

    In conjunction with BBC Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of RETURN TO CRANFORD and one (1) grand prize copy of THE CRANFORD COLLECTION on DVD.

    In conjunction with Warner Bros. Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of DALLAS: SEASON 12 on DVD.

    In conjunction with Warner Bros. Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of THE WALTONS MOVIE COLLECTION on DVD.

    In conjunction with It Books, we’re giving away five (5) copies of HEADS ON AND WE SHOOT: THE MAKING OF WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE.

    In conjunction with Cartoon Network, we’re giving away three (3) copies of BAKUGAN: VOLUME 6 on DVD.

  • Bagged & Boarded 44: I Love You 1001 Nacht

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    What happens when two young men let their love of movies, comic books, and all things “geek” take over their lives? They run away from their families, bringing only the most essential DVDs and comics to their secret, highly fortified underground bunker in sunny Southern California, where they start recording podcasts that will change the world.

    Are they heroes?

    No.

    Are they geniuses?

    Far from it.

    Are they the future of this planet?

    I sure hope not.

    Simply put… Matt Cohen and Jesse Rivers are “Bagged and Boarded”.

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    BAGGED & BOARDED #44: I Love You 1001 Nacht – In which Matt is joined yet again by special guest Bumpin Fresh and the fellows discuss childhood nicknames, facial hair, and being sexually attracted to amusement park rides. Tickets please!

    [CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

    DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
    Episode #44 (MP3 format)

    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/baggedboarded/bagged_boarded-44.mp3]

    SUBSCRIBE
    Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

    Got something to say? E-mail Matt & Jesse at the B & B mailbag.

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    CLICK HERE FOR THE BAGGED & BOARDED ARCHIVES

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  • Win BAKUGAN: VOLUME 6 on DVD!

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    In conjunction with Cartoon Network, we’re giving away three (3) copies of BAKUGAN: VOLUME 6 on DVD.

    Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, January 27th.

    CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

    Official Rules

    No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

    No Purchase necessary to win.

    Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

    One entry per day, per person.

    All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, January 27th.

    The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

  • Win HEADS ON AND WE SHOOT: THE MAKING OF WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE!

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    In conjunction with It Books, we’re giving away five (5) copies of HEADS ON AND WE SHOOT: THE MAKING OF WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE.

    Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, January 27th.

    CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

    Official Rules

    No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

    No Purchase necessary to win.

    Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

    One entry per day, per person.

    All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, January 27th.

    The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

  • Win THE WALTONS MOVIE COLLECTION on DVD!

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    In conjunction with Warner Bros. Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of THE WALTONS MOVIE COLLECTION on DVD.

    Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, January 27th.

    CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

    Official Rules

    No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

    No Purchase necessary to win.

    Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

    One entry per day, per person.

    All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, January 27th.

    The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

  • Win DALLAS: SEASON 12 on DVD!

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    In conjunction with Warner Bros. Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of DALLAS: SEASON 12 on DVD.

    Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, January 27th.

    CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

    Official Rules

    No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

    No Purchase necessary to win.

    Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

    One entry per day, per person.

    All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, January 27th.

    The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.