Sometimes it’s hard to peg what will catch my interest.
Sometimes I don’t respond well to whatever the flavor of the hour is, I don’t like generic press releases telling me what’s the latest and greatest and I generally despise being pitched from someone who doesn’t know me. That’s why when I was asked to talk to the star of ABC Family’s THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER I was intrigued but not necessarily on board. I’ve been fanatical about my love for AMERICAN TEEN, my appreciation for the television series HIGH SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL and, as I stare down the raising of two young women I have a certain vested interest in keeping my finger on the pulse of the American teenager. To boot, the series co-stars Molly Ringwald and has the most peculiar tag on it which says “Viewer Discretion Advised.”
Say no more, I was down for the 15 minute interview.
Now, talking with Shailene Woodley, a woman nearly half my age (Man, am I getting old…), I got to know something that I’ve never been able to tackle before: the life of the budding actress. I’ve learned that the closer you get to those who are finding their way and finding their footing in this business the more interesting the conversation. Shailene has that kind of eagerness and excitability that many times gets snuffed out by the time many other actors reach that sort of cranky, jaded stage. One can hope that this woman can retain that same sense of wonder at appreciating those she’s been able to work with and who will see every job as a chance to actually learn something.
She was fun to talk to about what it is that this series hopes, and wants, to be and it’s also a series which could use a few supportive fans who can see what she expresses below. From sex, to pregnancy to the process of filtering what it does mean to be a teen in America today, Shailene talks eloquently on it all.
THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER is on every Tuesday night 8/7c on ABC Family.
CHRISTOPHER STIPP: Fill me in on what the series revolves around.
SHAILENE WOODLEY: It revolves around teenage conflict with sex. It is very controversial in the fact that it talks about things that television has never talked about before as far as in teenage language. It explores these tough decisions to have sex or not have sex and the consequences in the end for that. I think it has so many good morals and standards for teenagers to live by and for their parents to realize what they’re teenagers are doing because a lot of times parents don’t realize what teenagers are doing when they are not in the home. I think it’s going to be very good for parents and teenagers alike to learn from and also to enjoy.
CS: And which network is this on?
WOODLEY: ABC Family.
CS: And that’s what I have in my notes but there’s one of the sticking points. I can only imagine with a network like this there is a fine line between family entertainment and whether it’s appropriate for everyone to watch. Was there any hesitation on the studio’s behalf to not make this a “Viewer Discretion Advised” kind of program?
WOODLEY: I know that ABC Family is expanding their horizons just in the fact that they are launching, not launching, that’s not the right word but more intricate adult like themes into their network and our show definitely mentions a lot of things that ABC Family has never mentioned before but I think it’s good because it mentions it in a way that is good for families. It doesn’t try to urge you to go one way or another or think one thing and not the other it’s very positive. Of course it’s a TV show drama so it’s going to suck a lot of teenagers in who love drama but it does have a lot of good messages and ABC Family is very respectful of that.
CS: Was there any hesitation on your part? Did you read the script first and say this was a flat out good series or was there things about this series which might have caused some second thoughts?
WOODLEY: Absolutely not. I read the script and fell in love with it. Brenda Hampton wrote it. She was with 7th Heaven which ran for 11 years and she is so good at what she does. She asks about what teenagers go through everyday. Everyday in America teenagers deal with divorce and deal with the pressure to have sex in high school or not have sex. The storyline in the script evolves around decisions. And it’s really important for teenagers to understand that what they do now will effect them in the long run. Not that they will regret it ““ it has nothing to do with regret. It just has to do with decisions made in the present.
CS: Molly Ringwald. She plays your mother…
WOODLEY: Yes. She plays my mom.
CS: Man, that makes me feel old. I remember 16 CANDLES, BREAKFAST CLUB and scads of others. She’s playing a mom.
WOODLEY: I know. She’s amazing. She’s so beautiful and so down to earth and such a great actress ““ I learn from her all the time. I am so, so fortunate to be able to work with her.
CS: When a series starts they usually have a premise where they want there characters to go. Is there a long term vision? I assume that you are in high school. Is it one year, two years and then you’re off to college?
WOODLEY: We are all Freshmen in high school except for 2 leads that are sophomores. Brenda Hampton did 7th Heaven for 11 years so I think in the long run she has ideas for 10 years from now. It’s hard to assume and hard to think that far into the future because we don’t know if the show is going to be picked up. We don’t want to jinx it or get our hopes up. Whatever. We try to just live in the now.
CS: As you go through the script process and the characters in the series, do you look at it and say, “I’m kind of this age, I wouldn’t talk like this. ” Is it real in your own reality?
WOODLEY: A lot of things are real for me and a lot of things are real for a high school. There are so many characters and each character has a different conflict. This one girl Adrianne who’s mom is never home ““ she’s home once every two weeks. So Adrianne resorts to getting attention from guys. And there’s another character, Grace, who is very religiously stuck to her religion, Christianity, and believes in abstinence. So every character right now in the script is being defined as to who they are. It’s very relatable to a normal high school – very relatable.
CS: The message ““ you’ve talked about the writing pedigree, 7th Heaven a really solid show that ran for many years and had a lot of good things to say, is this going to be the same way, always sort of a message based drama?
WOODLEY: It definitely has lots of messages but I don’t think that when a teenager watches the show they’ll come out of it saying I got that message. They are more hidden messages. It’s more like if you’re going to have sex, you’re going to get pregnant. That’s the way it goes. Brenda Hampton is able to take real life situations and put them into the show. I think a lot of the real neat things about the show ““ like my character, her parents are going through a divorce. All the millions of teenagers out there who’s parents are going through a divorce or have gone through a divorce can look at my character and say oh, this is the way she handled it. It’s gives them something to compare and contrast with and I think everybody needs that.
CS: Just the touchy subject of young kids and promiscuity ““ young kids having sex ““ is a touchy notion to a lot of people in this country today ““ did Brenda ever say, “This might be a lightning rod…We’re in an election season…They might point out that this is exactly what’s wrong with America?” That sort of thing?
WOODLEY: Who is to say it’s wrong or right first of all? You know what I mean?
CS: True.
WOODLEY: I think it’s all opinions but definitely a lot of controversy. I think it’s good for mothers and fathers to watch the show because they actually can see exactly what they’re teenagers are thinking and what they’re teenagers do when they are not necessarily looking. And I think there a lot of parents out there who are clueless. They judge before they know what the actual situation is. And I think this show will help that. And, teenagers as well. They judge their parents without knowing the full situation. So, there’s definitely a lot of controversy but Brenda writes it in a way that doesn’t provoke arguments. Does that make sense? It’s controversial but not provoking arguments.
CS: Looking at your resume and what you’ve done since ’99 ““ with the exception of the OC around 6 episodes ““ I shouldn’t say it’s hard ““ you would probably welcome the notion of being front and center by now ““ But being the lead, is this something that feels comfortable to you, being such a pivotal character in a series?
WOODLEY: I did a movie 3 years ago and I was in actually every scene in that movie and that role was bigger than this role. It’s definitely weird being a lead in a TV show ““ I’m not acting it’s my hobby and I do it because I love it. It’s so trippy and it’s humbling in a way to be in that position to inspire others and all that kind of stuff but then again it’s kind of weird. I’m doing phone interviews! I’m not used to that.
CS: On that same idea, is it odd growing up in Hollywood? You’ve done this since you were 8 ““ so now all these years later, is there such a thing as a child star turning into an adult? Is there like that problem area that some people can’t get over that hump or deal with things when they are so young?
WOODLEY: I’ve grown up in this industry knowing it’s a hobby. I’ve gone to public school my whole entire life. I’ve gotten straight A’s and stayed the person my parents know I am and I don’t have very many friends at all in the industry because I don’t really like to take part in “young Hollywood” I guess. Just because there are so many kids that really do get wrapped up in that but then again there are a lot of teenagers who are really down to earth and want a future in something other than acting as well and that is really neat to experience both sides of that. But, I definitely think that growing up in Hollywood has matured me faster than if I hadn’t because it shows me you definitely have to figure out who you are and stick with it. And that can be very difficult to do but I’ve found it very easy. I have such amazing parents and amazing family and friends that I really have a base that keep me going ““ keep me Shailene.
CS: This whole series is based on the American teenager. Has Brenda asked you about whether teens are really doing this or that or is she consulting with teens themselves to find out what is really going on?
WOODLEY: I’m not sure if she’s consulting with other teens but she definitely asks me and other people in the cast where would teenagers get in a fight or “Where would this happen if you were in high school?” or “Where would this happen if you were in high school?” or “How would you react to this situation?” and she definitely takes your input and it’s really neat because you feel like you are adding something to the show to make it more authentic and make it more like everyday life.
CS: And, I’m sure you hope the series keeps going and you can keep doing it for as longs as you can ““ Is it important but intrinsically when you take a script is it because you really want to do it or because right now you can’t be as choosy as you’d like and sometimes these things happen because you have to?
WOODLEY: It’s always because I want to all the time. I never do anything I don’t want to do and there are some many scripts out there and so amazing roles and so many roles that I don’t necessarily I wouldn’t want to do. It’s all about keeping your integrity and saying yes and no without hurting another’s feelings.
CS: And based on that, when I’ve talked to working actors in their 30’s they tell me that this is what they do to help provide for their families. How do you see your life in the next 5 years as you progress into adulthood to try to stay out of those things where push comes to shove you have to do something because you have to pay the rent this month?
WOODLEY: I want to go to college and I want to get a degree in psychology and interior design because I want to always have options. Acting is my passion, I find myself in it and I love it do death but I’m kind of a person that wants to try it all. And if that ever happened to me in my 30’s I would want to be a psychologist or “¦. I’m all about being about options and doing what you love and not sticking to one thing because of the money. Money isn’t happiness ““ happiness is doing what you love and then get your money from that.
CS: Where does that come from? You’ve probably worked on so many projects and seen the glitz and what people aspire to be and never make it at all. How do you keep it in check at such a young age?
WOODLEY: A lot has to do with my family. My parents are amazing people. My dad is a principal of an elementary school and my mom is a counselor at a middle school so education is something I have grown up to respect and enjoy. I have such amazing friends who are so down to earth. Everyone I surround myself with is very positive and very into nature and the environment and I guess just being able to be myself and go on a hike realize that we are just walking this earth with the same everything except the only thing that separates everyone is our mentality and if you can keep your mentality in line then everything just falls into place. It’s all about being positive and staying down to earth. Because really, what makes one person better than the other? Know what I mean?
CS: If I have one more question for you, when this series premiers, and people start talking about it, what’s the one thing you hope people talk about?
WOODLEY: I hope it pulls teenagers in to watch it. Anything that has the word sex in it or anything like that teenagers are going to watch it .and I hope they will be able to enjoy the drama and enjoy the laughs but also enjoy the messages that go along with it without thinking that we’re trying to preach.
There are a few things that get me out of bed at 5 a.m. But when Hall of Fame basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski needs a P.A., I’m there. He’s bringing the Olympic gold back to America. I’ll carry his water for my normal daily fee.
Coach K was starring in an ad campaign for a product I can’t discuss. They needed a P.A. for the website video and the print campaign shoot. In between these gigs, I’d get a breather as the coach would be working with the 35mm commercial crew.
I was still rather sleepy when I pulled onto the Duke campus. I reported to the producer and curiously asked who was shooting the Coach K commercial. The last time I worked with Coach K, it was Oscar winner Errol Morris doing the American Express ad. I was hoping to hear an ex-Propaganda guy would be on the court. The producer softly said, “Joe Pytka.”
This news woke me up better than using a beer bong to chug a gallon of Jolt soda, Red Bull and a meth chaser. While my life didn’t flash before my eyes, my soul could feel the short careers of other P.A.s vanquishing. For those who don’t squirm in horror, Pytka is best known for his thousands of commercials. He brought us the McDonald’s “Nothing But Net” series with Larry Bird and Michael Jordan. He lensed the legendary “Your Brain on Drugs” series. He’s done an astonishing number of ads that ended up on The Superbowl. You might really know him for directing Space Jam with Jordan and Bugs Bunny. But for those who wrangle cable and pull focus, Pytka’s name rates up with “Bloody Mary.” You never say Pytka three times while looking into a Fresnel lens.
Stories of what Pytka has done to crew members are notorious in production circles. I can’t even repeat them on advice of legal counsel. A majority of them end with Pytka firing everybody on the set. But maybe these are just stories told by jealous bitches. Perhaps Pytka is a misunderstood, sweet, warm, lovable guy.
While cutting through the hotel lobby to retrieve stuff from the producer’s room, I spotted Pytka coming out of the elevator. He’s not quite the Lion of legend since his hair has grayed and thinned. He’s almost like a heavyweight version of Riff-Raff from Rocky Horror. Under normal circumstances, I’d say, “Good morning” and introduce myself as part of the crew (although not his crew). But as he got closer, I felt this hideous aura that warned me to not even make eye contact. Darth Vader’s “force” doesn’t come close to the menace of Pytka. The weight of my eyeballs on his black sweatshirt would probably cause him to erupt. I looked directly at the elevator and let him pass undisturbed. Without us exchanging a word, I sensed that all those stories were true. I didn’t breath until the elevator doors were closed.
Even though I wasn’t working on his crew, I feared that he’d fire me for having the nerve to bring myself to his attention. I’ve said hello to Sonny Barger of Hells Angels fame. I’m not a chicken when it comes to saying hello. But Pytka is literally like working with a lion. It’s not a question of if it’ll attack, but what’s your escape route when it attacks. Nobody will ever confuse Joe Pytka for Mr. Rogers.
The shoot location was the brand new Michael W. Krzyzewski Center for Athletic Excellence. Do you want to know why Coach K didn’t run off to the NBA when the Celtics and Lakers threw money at him? Cause he’s got an empire on Duke’s campus. This new Center is huge. It has two indoor basketball courts, massive lockerroom area, a weight room that could house Fit TV’s studios and a “film room” that rivals NASA’s Mission Control or Bill Gates’ home entertainment center. This is a long way from a corner in the gym with an abandoned blackboard and three half pieces of chalk. This is big time college basketball.
When it comes to pitchman, Coach K is a pure professional. I was in complete awe at how he worked his lines and nailed his marks. He needs to quit having VIP basketball camps and train executives how to appear in their industrial videos. I learned a lot watching him operate on the green screen. I was in charge of making sure he had water on the set. Anyone who complains that I’m a water carrier for Coach K, I can’t argue it. When it came time for him to work with Pytka on the courts, I remained hidden in the lobby.
A row of windows looked down on the court. We would sneak peaks of Pytka and his crew. We wanted to see what made him so special. At one point, I saw Pytka’s camera aiming up at our window. I ducked with a fear that Pytka would launch a chair at us for spoiling his shot. But the glass didn’t break. We were informed that it was mirrored on the other side. We exhaled and resumed our observation of Joe the Lion with the security of a security mirror.
Pytka was completely in his environment as he spent plenty of time dribbling the ball and shooting the hoop. No P.A.s attempted to get between the director and the backboard. It was an amazingly smooth shoot without any bloodshed. This was the rarest of Pytka location stories. When Pytka’s crew wrapped, I nervously went down to help prepare the court for the still photos. Even with Pytka done for the day, I kept on the fringes and out of his direct line of vision. It was a great sense of relief when he left the Center. I knew I’d get paid for a full day on location.
Coach K was jazzed about his Olympic prospects. I didn’t want to talk about Beijing with him because my last “Olympic” job involved Marion Jones and Tim Montgomery before the 2004 Athens games. I wished luck on Marion and Tim at the end of that shoot. Both of them are now in prison on various charges. Coach K doesn’t need that kind of luck from me.
GEARS OF WHEAT
A special thanks goes out to Cliff Bleszinski (formerly known as CliffyB) and the folks at Epic Games. I was over at their headquarters for a job that involved Cliff having to walk around in my size 15 sneakers. He walked 10 yards in my shoes around the hallways covered in awards collected for Unreal Tournament and Gears of War. I’m going to be putting them on eBay shortly. There’s got to be a freak in Japan aching for such a great souvenir. Cliff let me play around with an actual size Cog Lancer. I know what I’m putting on the list to Santa.
During our lunch break, I pitched my brilliant new video game: Amish Vengeance. Real estate developers want to buy up all the farms to turn into Super Wal-Marts, Home Depots and Starbucks. It’s up to you, a simple Amish farmer to fight back against the English. Being that you’re Amish, you don’t get to use real weapons. You only have one true super power to defend yourself from those money loving heathens: Shun-Force! In order to get up to critical shun levels, you have to accumulate grace points by building barns, driving buggies and praying hard. All this is simulated physical activity is done with your wii Nunchuks.
Kids always like to brag about their marathon sessions playing videogames. They’ll be in rapture when they enter the “Harvest” mode of the game. Six straight sixteen-hour days of toiling in the fields with their wii controls! You get to enjoy the sensation of using a scythe on the digital wheat! You get to grind the grain. And imagine all the fun with hours of cyber butter churning. The game shuts down on the seventh day to observe the Sabbath. Poorly done research proves this feature appeals to mothers of Orthodox Jewish gamers. After three weeks of playing the game, you’ll be growing a beard and calling yourself Eli Lapp.
Cliff and the Epic Games people seemed impressed and interested in Amish Vengeance, but are extremely focused on getting Gears of War 2 ready for the November release date. With any luck, I’ll have a launch time interview with Cliff for the Party Favors. I’ve already promised to pick up the tab for dinner at Raleigh’s Martin Street Pizza. This is best damn pizza joint in town. The menu is haunted by the ghost of Ed LaDou. Their ultimate is a pizza with prosciutto, asparagus and egg. Mmmmmm.
THE DVD SHELF
Is there going to be an actor’s strike? What’s the point of watching the Olympics when you know that all the winners will be stripped of their medals when they pee wrong in the next decade? Do you really care about watching dogs compete with their annoying owners? It’s all about digging up DVDs for my entertainment until Mad Men starts at the end of July.
Cannon: Season One, Volume 1 takes me back to a time when a really fat detective could solve any crime imaginable. William Conrad stepped away from the microphone as the narrator on Rocky and Bullwinkle. He was a hefty private investigator that roamed the country hunting down crooks, swindlers and homicidal maniacs.. “The Salinas Jackpot” reminds us of the danger posed by rodeo clowns. Tom Skerritt (Alien) looks creepy with the makeup and a gun. “Country Blues” should be seen as the precursor to Star Wars. Mark Hamill plays a kid stuck on the family farm who has ship from space crash on his land. It’s actually an airplane with a dead country star. But doesn’t that sound like Luke Skywalker? While Jaws isn’t influenced by “No Pockets In a Shroud,” Roy Schieder attacks through the screen as a low-life protecting a Howard Hughes-esque rich guy. There’s a dozen cases on this boxset that remind us of that time when an out of shape man could run circles around the bad guys.
Jake and the Fatman: Season One, Volume One brought the husky magic of William Conrad back to the people. He didn’t have to be nearly as active as Cannon in the role J.L. McCabe, the Los Angeles District Attorney. He had Joe Penny as his leg man. Guess which one was the Fatman? “Happy Days Are Here Again” kicks the series off with Robert Reed (Mr. Brady from The Brady Bunch) as a senate candidate who is following around on his wife with a female staffer. Shocking! An overzealous speechwriter (John Rubinstein of Family) solves his man’s problem. Wonder if this is based on Pat Buchanan’s time with Nixon? “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes” has Mark Goddard, Major West from Lost In Space. The chemistry between Penny and Conrad works better than I remember. Although be warned that Jake and the Fatman is a gateway series to Matlock!
Beverly Hills 90210: Season Five is the year that Brenda disappeared. She supposedly did so well in her acting classes that she stayed in London to attend RADA full-time. Really? The immediately swapped her for Tiffani-Amber Thiessen from Saved By The Bell. She moves into Brenda’s bedroom after her dad commits suicide. She seems sweet, but you know she’ll have issues. Luke Perry’s drunk in Mexico with his amazing sideburns. Howie Long from Fox’s NFL team has a cameo in the first of the 31 episodes in this boxset. They even hype the upcoming CW resurrection of Beverly Hills 90210. I wonder if they’ll figure out what happened to Brenda. Is she the bad influence on Amy Winehouse?
Comedy Central’s TV Funhouse does not feature any of the shorts from Saturday Night Live. This was an 8 episodes series that aired on the cable channel in 2000. Robert Smigel and Dino Stamatopoulos attempted to expand their few minutes of nonsense into a twenty-two minute show. They made it a freakish kiddie series with Doug Dale as the human host. His Anipals were a mixture of puppets with live animals. The puppets had the same tone as Triumph, the Insult Dog. The best two episodes deal with the Anipals going to Atlantic City to party with Triumph. Robert Goulet swings with the stuffed fur. TV Funhouse makes a good double feature with Wonder Showzen.
Drillbit Taylor (Extended Survival Edition) is must see for those wanting to truly experience “The Summer of Danny McBride.” Forget Owen Wilson playing the title character. This movie is really about McBride as Don, Drillbit’s pal. Both men end up teaching kids without being stopped by the cops running the metal detectors. What does it say about our nation’s educational system when homeless men can clean up and sneak into schools as teachers? What’s child wants to get left behind if they know that Drifter Bob is in the classroom? Make sure you get this in BluRay so you can experience Danny McBride in Hi-Def action.
The Ruins reminds us why package tours are good. This time a group of Americans wandering around Mexico visit the ruins of a Mayan temple. They’re barefoot tour turns to mystical terror involving Mayan weirdness. This is the perfect kinda film for the SciFi Channel after Mansquito. The big plus is getting to watch Jena Malone being terrorized. Someday I’m going to quit confusing Jena with Tina Majorino. Although both were on Big Love.
Stop-Loss is another Iraq war theme movie that didn’t find an audience. This time it’s Ryan Phillippe who thinks he’s fulfilled his military obligations only to find he’s being sent back to the warzone under the Stop-Loss program. This is one of Ryan’s finest performances. Having known a person who was dragged back into the army years after he’d been discharged, this is a real subject.
Evening Shade: Season One brought Burt Reynolds to the sitcom world after returning to the small screen with B.L. Stryker. It’s amazing how much talent was on that soundstage with Marilu Henner, Michael Jeter (The Fisher King), Elizabeth Ashley, Ossie Davis, Charles Durning and Hal Holbrook. Burt’s character is an Ex-NFL player who returns to his quaint Southern town to coach the high school football team. It’s pretty easy work for Burt as he slides on his good ol’ boy charm.
Soul Food: The Final Season wraps up the Showtime series about the Jones family. Augie once said that this Chicago based drama was like Good Times without Jimmy Walker playing up to the studio audience. Girlfriends: The Fourth Season brings more of this quartet of ladies from the glory days of UPN. Remember that network? This season brings plenty of hot forbidden romance. I’m not spoiling the forbidden nature. Soul Food and Girlfriends remind us that there was a time before Tyler Perry.
Shine A Light finally brought the Rolling Stones and Martin Scorsese together after Marty had used “Gimme Shelter” in half of his films. This is a fun show recorded in the intimate Beacon theater. This makes it more enjoyable than the stadium shots in Let’s Spend the Night Together. Mick and Keith show their age, but still move around the stage better than Abe Vigoda. Christina Aguilera looks extra sassy while dueting “Live With Me” to Mick. Buddy Guy brings the blues when he unleashes “Champagne and Reefer.” What really would have made this film rock is if the Stones had brought back Mick Taylor to solo on “Brown Sugar” and “Midnight Rambler.” Couldn’t Marty at least CGIed Mick Taylor from the ’72 tour onto the stage? Bonus songs for the Blu-ray and DVD are “Paint It Black,” “Little T&A,” “I’m Free” and “Undercover of the Night.”
Toxic is one of those violent crime flicks that’s more thrilling for it’s amazing cast of actors. How else do you explain Dominque Swain, Master P, Danny Trejo, Tom Sizemore, Costas Mandylor, Steven Bauer and C. Thomas Howell in the same film? Toss in Bai Ling, Ron Jeremy, Brande Roderick, Shar Jackson, Tabitha Stevens and James Duvall. This is like a messed up Love Boat with the cruise ship replaced by firepower. It’s about deranged mental patients, strippers, crimelords and Ron Jeremy. What happens when they all collide? As a blurbmaster would declare: This film is Toxic! Master P working with Lolita defines fine entertainment.
LA Ink: Volume 1 lets us know what it takes to run a tattoo parlor in Tinseltown. The secret is a lot of hot women with needles. After Kat Von D was fired on Miami Ink, she returned to the West Coast with a camera crew. How come I didn’t get a reality show when my last job fired me? Kat’s got lots of high profile guests wanting tramp stamps and family portraits on their flesh. I’m not related to Corey, but he’s the only one I trust of the bunch. The sound mix on the show gets me queasy with the overwhelming needle sound. You might want to keep the remote close to adjust the volume.
There’s plenty of Blu-ray action coming you way at the end of July. Beowulf: Director’s Cut brings way more excitement to this poem than your high school English teacher’s pop quiz supplied. The animated frenzy of Grendel makes you believe that Ray Winstone is hunkier than those 300 studs.
Top Gun is a film that was made to test your home entertainment system. This was Tom Cruise before he became the sofa jumper. He’s just a cocky fighter pilot attempting to put Val Kilmer in his slipstream. In Blu-ray, the fighter planes pop on the attack. Careful with the volume or the FAA will investigate your house for an illegal landing strip.
Tom Clancy’s Jack Ryan series gets the 1080p upgrade. The Hunt for Red October brought Alec Baldwin to the Ryan role. He gets pulled into a case of an incoming Soviet submarine captained by Sean Connery (Bond, James Bond). Baldwin has to figure out if America’s under attack or if Connery is defecting. Patriot Games bodyswaps Ryan so he’s now Harrison Ford. This time he’s battling those pesky Irish. Ryan stops an IRA hit on an English Royal family member. Now they are out to hit his family. Thora Birch plays Ford’s daughter. What happened to Thora after Ghost World? Clear and Present Danger brings back Ford to battle the Columbian drug cartel. The Blu-ray brings the ambush scene to the next level. You’ll duck from the explosions. The Sum of All Fears decides to make Ryan younger by bringing in Ben Affleck. Now he has to prevent a nuclear attack on a football game in Baltimore. This could also mean the destruction of Charm City Cakes! This is a quartet of films that should appease folks that want the theater experience with patriotic action.
SQUISHHHHHHH
Cool Whip now comes in an Aerosol can! What the hell took it so long to finally match the technology that’s given us the goodness of Reddi-wip? Now kids across America have a choose for their daily dosage of nitrous oxide.
FLEEING THE PLANET
George Carlin and Harvey Korman are dead. People are fleeing the earth because they know that something evil is coming down the turnpike. Every time I hear, “Rollerfucking,” I’ll think of Carlin. Anytime I want to hit Tim Conway, I’ll do it in memory of Korman.
TURN IT UP
My incompetent source at Fox News says that Rupert Murdoch is furious at a rumor that Time-Warner cable is lowering the master volume on Fox News to sway their elderly viewers to turn the channel to CNN. Rupes is already sending teams around the country to monitor the sound levels of CNN and Fox News on various cable systems.
With a gaggle of off-the-wall friends and acquaintances, if you think of it as a twenty-something Seinfeld with a postmodern pop culture twist (there are frequent surreal diversions), you wouldn’t be far off the mark.
After much legal wrangling, fans and soon-to-be fans in the US can now pick up Spaced: The Complete Series.
After Spaced, co-creator/co-writer/co-star (with Simon Pegg) Jessica Hynes continued on with her acting career, accumulating quite an impressive CV – including guest appearances on Doctor Who, a regular role on the acclaimed Royle Family, writing the telefilm Learners, and even starring as Mafalda Hopkirk in the Harry Potter series – in addition to many others.
Find out about the Spaced trio’s appearance at LA’s Secret Stash on Wednesday, July 22 HERE. You can then catch Jessica, Simon, and Edgar Wright at the San Diego Comic-Con.
I got a chance to have an in-depth conversation with Jessica about… Well, about a lot of things… Read on…
KEN PLUME: Hiya. This still a good time for you?
JESSICA HYNES: This is fine, yes.
KP: Did I catch you at a bad moment?
HYNES: No you didn’t at all. I was sadly just listening to the podcast of me…
KP: Well, then I caught you at a really awkward, self-reflective moment…
HYNES: You caught me red handed. (laughing) Oh, the sadness of it.
KP: I’ll make sure and send this tape to you for your collection…
HYNES: Yeah! (laughing)
KP: So, let me say, it’s a pleasure to be speaking with you…
HYNES: Oh…
KP: And something that we’ve definitely wanted to do for a few years now, so I’m glad it pulled together.
HYNES: Oh, great…
KP: But since everyone else is talking about Spaced, why don’t we just start off and talk completely about According to Bex?
HYNES: Oh God! (laughing) Do we have to?
KP: Well, all that Spaced stuff is covered. When are we ever gonna have an According to Bex interview?
HYNES: Listen, Accordion to Bex is a show I’m working on now. It’s when Bex finally learns to play the accordion. That was my original suggestion. I thought that’s maybe where the show should have gone in the outset, and they’ve finally come around.
KP: Is this being done for CBBC now?
HYNES:Accordion to Bex is a CBBC show starring, obviously, me. I’m the accordion. So I feel very positive about it. Feel very upbeat about it, yeah.
KP: Well, I heard you were bringing a monkey in for it to.
HYNES: The joke is the monkey tries to play the accordion but fails. He’s obviously not a real monkey, because it wouldn’t be ethical to have live animals on a children’s show. It’s a man dressed in a monkey suit.
KP: Well, I’m surprised that you got Simon to play the monkey…
HYNES: He did it as a favor. He had a week off and was feeling sort of in a good mood, so he came down and put the monkey suit on, and bingo!
KP: It’s good that you finally got a catchphrase. It’s, “Silly monkey, that’s my accordion!!”, right?
HYNES: (laughing) That’s what was lacking from the original format, I felt. No, no accordion catchphrase. No really good catchphrases. So I think we’re all set up now.
KP: It’s a good thing that that’s faded quickly, then, so you don’t have to worry about accordion catchphrases…
HYNES: Yeah, exactly. (laughing)
KP: Now I’m going to put you out of your misery and we’re not going to talk about According to Bex anymore…
HYNES: Okay! (laughing)
KP: I was actually just watching your Room 101 appearance, and your fight against marzipan…
HYNES: Oh yeah, marzipan. What is that about? What the hell? It’s got to be some holdover from the war or something, isn’t it? Some kind of foodstuff hanging over from the time when we didn’t have any nice stuff to eat.
KP: “We have no real food product – can we make some kind of faux food product?”
HYNES: Yeah. “That is disgusting, but because it’s so sugary, we can almost convince ourselves that it’s a treat.”
KP: “How can we make it festive?” “Well, we put it on cakes. People will eat it if it’s on cake.” “But we don’t have cakes right now.” “Well, we’ll just give them the marzipan.”
HYNES: “We’ll camouflage it amongst some actual genuine confectionery, and no one will know it’s there.”
KP: “It’s after the war. There’s no more munitions factories. We can get those people to start sculpting marzipan.”
HYNES: Yeah, all the women returned from the gun to the marzipan sculpting.
KP: You realize that all those wartime factories transitioned over to marzipan after the war…
HYNES: I’d almost rather they were still making munitions, frankly.
KP: Well, your convictions on marzipan were kind of full of holes during the Room 101 appearance. There were a lot of digressions to your hatred of it…
HYNES: Oh yeah…
KP: Which, of course, Paul (Merton) poked further holes in rather quickly…
HYNES: He’s so good at that. I mean, he’s just such a quick wit. He doesn’t miss anything.
KP: What is your comfort level on shows like that? Because you’ve been doing them for the past few years…
HYNES: Oh yeah…
KP: You did a rather memorable appearance on Never Mind The Buzzcocks last season…
HYNES: (laughing) I was really ready for that.
KP: Now, when you’re in the green room on that, at what point did you formulate, “You know, I’m gonna wrestle Simon (Amstell)…” ?
HYNES: When somebody came and interviewed me for the Guardian and they said, “Are you scared? Are you worried?” I said, “Look, I’m gonna snap his little arms like the twiglets they are.” I became extremely aggressive, physically. Honestly, in an ironic way. I’m not an aggressive person, but it was a kind of way of psyching myself up. And then I suddenly realized that I was just… that was it. That we were gonna wrestle as soon as he came out. Because it’s very difficult to get anything past Simon, so I realized the only way to go was just to bring him down. I thought that he would appreciate the physical contact, as well. He always seems to me like somebody who’d kind of, you know, appreciate a hug.
KP: Just needs a hug?
HYNES: Or a wrestle. And a kiss. He was quite keen for the kiss though, wasn’t he?
KP: Yes.
HYNES: He’s just straight in there…
KP: And you completely subverted him on that.
HYNES: Yeah, I did. I did!
KP: So you clearly proved dominance on that.
HYNES: Yes, I did!
KP: And by that point, it was your game to win.
HYNES: (laughing) Yeah. Yeah, he respected me after that, didn’t he?
KP: Yes, now you know. Exactly… wrestle and refuse the kiss.
HYNES: Yeah, I did.
KP: That’s the way to live life, I think.
HYNES: We became friends after that. It was great.
KP: When you talk about friends, what kind of contact have you had with Simon since?
HYNES: He’s in Paris at the moment, and I just got a nice text from him saying, “I’m in Paris and I’m having a nice holiday.” I’ve met up with him and gone out with him a couple of times. We haven’t done any wrestling since then, obviously. But he let me do… I tried out a bit of stand-up, a bit of comedy, in one of his shows and he let me do a warm-up for him. In Brighton. He wasn’t planning to because I’d done a warm-up for him up in London. I just did a tight three minutes at the beginning of one of his sets, because I’d mentioned I was into it, and he said, “Go on then, come along.” And then I went down to one of his gigs in Brighton, which is a sort of 1600 seat theater – and the intention wasn’t to do anything, and then when we got there he said, “Go on, do a bit. Do a bit on the stage while we’re warming up.” And he said, “Go on, why don’t you go on tonight? Go and do a bit.” So I did. It was fun. It was a great night. He’s a great guy. I love Simon.
KP: Now, you’ve done stage work before. How different is the sort of feeling and dynamic when it’s stand-up, as opposed to stage work?
HYNES: Stand-up is a lot more… it’s showmanship, stand-up. It’s showmanship. It’s absolutely about the very immediate and direct relationship that you have with the audience. The connection. (DOG BARKS) All right. That dog obviously disagrees. I’m out in the garden. Yeah, I think stand-up is, from the very little that I’ve done… hopefully I might do more. I’m rehearsing for a play, actually, at the moment. But yeah, stand-up is obviously about an immediate relationship that you have with the audience. It’s not about a character you – stage work is about a character, kind of thinking about the dynamic of the play. You want to play the play. You want to do the play and kind of bring it to life and be faithful and true to the author’s vision, if you like. Whereas stand-up is completely different. It’s pure entertainment.
KP: Do you think, on some level when you’re doing a production, you’re in some ways divorced from the audience?
HYNES: Not entirely. Because you can get a sense of them. You know when they’re with you. But it’s not such an immediate relationship in that way. And you’re not necessarily courting the audience, unless you’re in that kind of play. I’m working with a director at the moment, and he’s saying he recently was working on a comedy. He said it got to the point where everyone realized that everyone could get a laugh on every single line if they wanted to. So there was a point they were saying, “Well, do you know what, cut down the laughs and try not to get a laugh on that, because then that stamps on someone else’s laugh.” I think, when you’re doing a play, you’re not so totally focused on that immediate laugh, that immediate gratification – you’re focused on what you’re actually doing. Whereas when you’re doing stand-up, that’s all you want. You just want them to laugh. You do anything to get a laugh.
KP: Do you think that situation you just described – about toning down when an audience is sort of prompting you for gags – is the difference between stage and sort of panto?
HYNES: Yes. I think that’s where I’m headed. God.
KP: What’s the one panto role you’ve always wanted to play?
HYNES: Oh, god. I think the one panto role I’ve always wanted to play… let’s see. I think I’d like to play… I’d quite like to play a Dame, but I don’t think I can. I don’t know whether they have female Dames. And I don’t know if they have this big panto thing in America…
KP: No, not at all.
HYNES: Well, the whole panto thing in England is the Christmas show, and you tell the same stories. You basically kind of beef up the classic fairy tales – Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, Dick Wittington… which is a story about a boy who goes to London. That’s a very famous British panto. And there’s always… the female character is normally the cook in the castle, played by an enormously tall, fat, large drag queen. And that’s a pantomime Dame. And I kind of think that I wouldn’t mind being a pantomime Dame at some point. Sometimes I feel like I am a pantomime Dame.
KP: Maybe you need to break the glass ceiling on male pantomime Dames…
HYNES: Thank you! I don’t know whether that would be right…
KP: Do you think there would be a massive public backlash against it? “How dare a female try and be a Dame!”
HYNES: That’s so British. That would happen. People would boycott the theaters.
KP: “You’re ruining tradition!”
HYNES: “Who does she think she is?” (laughing)
KP: “You’re destroying our culture!”
HYNES: Yeah, exactly.
KP: Maybe that’s how the Spaced reunion has to happen. You all just get together as a rep group and put on a panto for Christmas.
HYNES: And put on a panto. That’s what I’m talking about. That’s what I’m talking about!
KP: You’d probably have to fight Nick (Frost) for the Dame role, though…
HYNES: Do you know, it’s going to go to him. You know that, and know that. I’d be lucky if I get Buttons to his… if you ever look up. That is also a very famous pantomime role. Buttons. He’s the butler, I think, to Cinderella… or something like that.
KP: Maybe that’s what the panto is about – is the fact that you’re fighting to be the Dame…
HYNES: That’s what my life is about.
KP: It’ll be like a meta-panto.
HYNES: (laughing) Maybe that’s… I see what you mean. Yes, a meta-panto about me wanting to be the pantomime Dame. You’re a genius! I couldn’t take that from you. That’s yours. That’s yours, my friend.
KP: No, you can take it and run with is as far as your legs will carry…
HYNES: Oh my god, the hamster’s got out. The hamster. I swear to god – there’s a hamster on the floor…
KP: Gosh, everyone is disagreeing with this interview…
HYNES: I’m sorry. I don’t think he’s coming in protest. There’s just quite a lot of cats ’round here.
KP: He’s disgusted by the idea of a female Dame, too…
HYNES: I can’t believe… Yeah, he’s disgusted by it. He heard me from his tiny little plastic little network of pods…
KP: And he said, “Enough is enough. I’m dealing with this.”
HYNES: Yeah. “I’ve had enough of this. I’m getting out there. I’m gonna tell her what I think.”
KP: Yes, “Too much subversion of our culture…”
HYNES: No, I’m all about subversion. Yeah, and he better learn to live with it. That hamster, I’m gonna show him! (laughing)
KP: So that’ll be on the 20th anniversary release of Spaced – the meta-panto…
HYNES: The meta-panto. I’m wondering whether the final final might be Tim and Daisy – although I have said this a couple of times in interviews, so it might sound… oh look, he’s there… Maybe in an old people’s home, maybe.
KP: Just sort of what, reflecting?
HYNES: Making kind of catheter bag jokes? I don’t know.
KP: That’s how you do your clip show.
HYNES: What, as oldies?
KP: Yes. And flashbacks to the time when they were younger…
HYNES: Yeah.
KP: Of course, you have it peppered with flashbacks that never happened…
HYNES: Yes, that’s a good idea. (laughing) Lots of good ideas!
KP: Yeah, I’m sure. None of them workable. Strictly an idea person. Not anywhere close to a realization person. So, obviously, you’ve been working quite steadily over the past 20 years…
HYNES: Yeah. Yeah, I have.
KP: What was the appeal… because you started in National Youth Theatre, right?
HYNES: That’s right.
KP: At a rather young age…
HYNES: Yeah. I was 14 when I joined the National Youth Theatre. I auditioned when I was 13, and they didn’t let me in, but they wrote me a really lovely letter. They actually wrote me a letter and said, “Do try again. We just did feel that maybe you were a little bit too young to come up to London alone for two weeks.” But then I got in the following year.
KP: Were your parents always encouraging of that move to theater?
HYNES: Yeah. I mean, I was kinda lucky in a way, because I had quite a sort of… I mean, my situation was that I was able to kind of make those sort of decisions for myself. I mean, it was up to me to kind of get on with it. They were quite… my mother was a working single mother, so she was quite preoccupied with working. And I just got on with it. And I had quite a lot of freedom to do that, really, and no pressure to do anything else. So a friend from school said, “I’m in a Saturday afternoon drama class.” I just found myself a quid from somewhere, a pound, and got myself on the bus and took myself down there, because I wanted to do it and I sort of had that sort of freedom and autonomy. Because I think if you do have a working lone parent, you have to be quite self-sufficient – or, at least in my experience, that was the case. So I just kinda got on with it. It was what I wanted to do. I never met any sort of resistance. I mean, only from a couple of teachers, grumpy teachers. But I just sort of got on with it, and then as it picked up momentum I think my mum came to some… I won the Sussex drama competition or something when I was about 13, and I had to do a poem on stage. And I think my mum by that point was thinking, “Oh, you know, she’s really…” I remember her and my sister coming down and watching it and kind of being like, “Oh, yeah!” You know? It suddenly became so obvious that maybe it was something that was actually gonna happen and I might do it. But I was quite lucky in that way. I just had the freedom to do it, was never discouraged, and just I very, very early on realized that if you focus and you work hard enough, you’ll get there. You just have to keep working hard.
KP: I’m curious when you mentioned the grumpy teachers, how did that exactly take form?
HYNES: Well, I remember when I was at an A-Level college, I was very fond at that point of saying, “I’m gonna be an actress.” And almost enjoyed and sort of relished the response, which was, “Oh really, are you?” And this teacher would do that, and she would just give me a whole list of why that wasn’t gonna happen and why it was a bad idea, and why I should have something else to do. It may be kind of sound advice, but it only fueled my determination to go ahead and do it. I never let it deter me.
KP: Was there any point where your belief in yourself faltered?
HYNES: There’s a very clear point I remember going back to… because when I first started working, through the Youth Theatre, I had a really great foundation. Mainly from doing lots of theater work. And I had a fantastic artistic director who was very encouraging of me, and basically within three or four years of being in the Youth Theatre I was playing the lead in the big musical that year. So when I was 17, I was playing a big lead in a musical at the Youth Theatre. And agents came, and I got an agent. I hadn’t finished my A-levels, even, and I hadn’t finished college, but I decided, “Well, this is it. This is great.” I didn’t leave then. I kind of sat college out, basically, looking at my watch, just desperate to get out there and start auditioning and stuff. Once I finally got out, it wasn’t anything major – it was walking into a restaurant job and a washing up job, and then going to auditions. And on several occasions people would say, “You’re much too young. You’ve no experience. You haven’t been to drama school. You know, this is just ridiculous. I don’t even know why you’re here.” I remember bringing my reviews at one point, which was an odd decision…
KP: “Look! Look! They said I’m good!”
HYNES: My newspaper cuttings of my of reviews! “Would you like to see my reviews?” And I remember my mouth was so dry, my tongue was sticking to my teeth. I was so nervous. It felt like maybe they’re right. Maybe I just need to go to drama school.
KP: Not many actors go into auditions with scrapbooks…
HYNES: I went in with a scrapbook and said, “Here, these are my reviews.” I remember going in and working in a restaurant, and then getting my first job and thinking, “God, a paycheck. Brilliant.” And so you give up the job that you’re doing currently. But then eventually after a week, two weeks, a month, that little chunk runs out and you have to go back. And I always remember those… because you say, “Oh, I won’t need to do a restaurant job for a month or so. I can just relax and I’ll get another job, I’ll get another job,” and then you don’t, and you have to pay bills, so you’ve got to go back. And I think the going back is always… especially if it’s back to the same place…. It’s like you leave in a blaze of glory, “I’m going! I’m going off!” (laughing)
KP: You’ve got those smoke bombs and the flash powder…
HYNES: Yeah, the fireworks are going. “I’ll be in touch, I’ll see you…”
KP: Somebody there with a boom box to play your exit music…
HYNES: Exactly. And then you’re come back asking for your job back again because you’ve run out of money. That happened a couple of times, and I always remember those were the points at which I was low. But I never, ever, ever was ever going to give up, ever.
KP: So there was no point where you said, “Well, this is my fallback position…”
HYNES: My fallback position was busking in Covent Garden. The point at which I got my first job, I was already planning out this character that I was gonna do. He was gonna be a magician who couldn’t do magic tricks – because I couldn’t do magic tricks, so I was gonna play like… I was gonna get myself a fat man suit and a little table, and do magic tricks not very well, in a comedy way. I hadn’t really worked out exactly what I was going to do, but I thought, “Well, that’d be great.” I don’t even know if I’ve actually got notes for that somewhere, but I remember making little notes and jotting down the character and thinking… to me, to just be performing in any way, in any capacity – I had already set the bar extremely low in that way. And it was like, “That’s what I want to do. I want to perform; whatever it is, however it is, I will just do it. I will do it and I will just do whatever…” You know, “Whatever I need to do, I will do it.” And the fact that I was waitressing to pay bills? Well, that was just a necessity, but I was still an actress, and I was still a performer. Maybe I wasn’t making my living at it, but I still was that. And that was all that really mattered to me. And, in a way, I suppose that still is all that really matters to me. That feeling of feeling officially like you’re an actress. Mainly just having an agent, I suppose, and going to auditions. It’s like, if you’re failing at being something, you’re still something.
KP: Even if that agent gets you According to Bex?
HYNES: I left that agent. I left that agent very soon after According to Bex. That was a low point, actually, because that was an instinct that I didn’t follow – because I was instinctively thinking it’s not the right project for me. It’s not the right project for me at all. And I kind of… I let myself be persuaded, and my instincts were going, “No! No! No!” and I didn’t trust them. So, in that sense, you only have yourself to blame in that situation.
KP: Do you think there’s a line to walk – obviously because it’s a fickle business…
HYNES: Yeah…
KP: Do you find there’s a pull between, “Well, do I just take everything that comes along because it’s work and it’s working and it’s a career, or do I pick and choose and navigate it based on what I feel I should be doing?”
HYNES: Well, I think that I was always trying to pick and choose and navigate. But sometimes I was kind of trying to steer a rudderless ship, basically. And I kind of sort of feel, as well – I mean, I was never managed. I never had management. I only ever had an agent – and it’s quite different, actually. Because if you have a manager, they’ll say, “Okay, this is how we see things going for you…” And I never really had that. I had an agent that said, “Well, this person wants to audition you for this. How about that?” There’s a subtle – but I think quite significant – difference. The bottom line for me is that I think I’ve always seen my life as a learning experience. Because I didn’t really go on after college, I’m sort of prepared to accept the reality that I am gonna make mistakes and do things wrong – but then I will just get up and do something else. It’s the getting up and going on really that matters. It’s not the fact that you might take a bit of a bad turn, for whatever reason – it’s the kind of steering back on and keeping going. I think one thing I’ve really learned is that unless something jumps out at me, that it’s not such a great idea for me to do it. Because I’m much happier as a writer/performer, and I can generate my own work as a writer/performer. With the right production company and with the right people, it’s kind of where my heart is really. It’s where I feel I can have the most freedom, the most fun, and do the best work. But it is harder, and it took me a while to find the right production company to do that with. But next year I’ve got work as a writer/performer lined up. And this year I’m doing a play – which is great, because it’s a classic British play, an Alan Ayckbourn play. I don’t know if you know him, but he’s one of the most amazing dialogue and play writers, really, but his dialogue is just so quick and funny, but also very beautifully observed.
KP: Which play are you doing?
HYNES: We’re doing the trilogy, the Norman Conquests trilogy, so we’ve got three plays that we’re doing. And on certain Saturdays we’ll be doing all of them back to back.
KP: Really?
HYNES: Yeah. And it’s going to be at the Old Vic, that they’re turning into in the round. It’s a six hander. But it feels like a really hard, but really great job to be doing. It’s obviously very different from working in television. It feels like I’m very much led to strong scripts – like most actors are. And if those comedy scripts that come my way aren’t so good, I will and am really focusing on writing my own, as I was before. Yeah, but that’s a decision that I made, really, last year. I mean, I did a couple of low budget British films…
KP: You did Confetti…
HYNES: I did Confetti, and then I did Magicians, and then I did Son of Rambow, and then I did Faint Heart. And I really enjoyed working all those films and working with the actors, but I did feel a little frustrated as a performer, as a comedy performer, because I felt that I wasn’t able to really flex my muscles. I kept thinking, “When do I get the gag? When do I get the laugh?” And the thing is, the gags weren’t written. I didn’t have any. The writers were great, but that’s just not what they were writing. They were writing comedy for guys, and I was clearly not a part of that, and that was fine…
KP: Your voice betrays that..
HYNES: Yeah. I really mean that, don’t I? And that was just *fine*. That was just ABSOLUTELY FINE!! (laughing)
KP: “I can be a Dame!”
HYNES: (laughing) I was absolutely fine with that. Thanks very much, it was fine!
KP: Now I feel so bad I brought it up.
HYNES: Oh god. But you know, you can’t moan. You can’t moan about it. You have to just get on with it.
KP: Well, as you said, you’re in an enviable position because you can generate your own material…
HYNES: Yes. And now I’ve kind of hooked up with Julia Davis, who’s a great British actress. We’re going to write something next year together, which will be a really fun, exciting experience, and hopefully it will be a very funny show for ourselves. So that will be great. And then hopefully following that up with some more writing, but more writing/performing work. Writing a film and this sort of thing. So that’s what I’m very definitely moving myself toward. And it feels right. It’s definitely where I’m most happy, I think.
KP: How would you describe the opportunities and reception towards… There definitely seems to be more female piloted shows in the UK than there would be in the US…
HYNES: Are you kidding? America seems to me to be absolutely at the forefront of that. Do you think it’s the other way round?
KP: Yes. I don’t think you’d have a Royle Family or a Nighty Night, or anything like that over in the US.
HYNES: You think?
KP: I most certainly think. Particularly in regards to genre shows. I think a female show runner in the US would be skirted towards soaps or something like a Grey’s Anatomy, but I don’t think you’d get unique comedy views in the US…
HYNES: Yeah. I suppose when I look at the US, immediately I see the comedy icons – people like Ellen, Roseanne Barr, Sarah Silverman. These strong female comics. Joan Rivers, who is the longest living human being as far as I can see, let alone the longest thriving female comic.
KP: But the respect level and the admiration of Joan Rivers is much higher in the UK than it is in the US…
HYNES: You’re kidding me!
KP: In the US she’s viewed largely as a pop culture joke for her red carpet material over the past dozen years…
HYNES: And not for an absolutely consistent and brilliant comedienne, which is what she is…
KP: She’s not given the opportunity to showcase that in the US, at this point…
HYNES: So she’s sort of trapped in her multimillion dollar stand-up career, at this point?
KP: Yes.
HYNES: Poor Joan. (laughing)
KP: Yeah, she’s lonely at the top.
HYNES: But then she exists… We do have some good female stand-ups, but we don’t have any female stand-ups like Joan. And also the Queens of Comedy, the DVD I watched; is one of the most hilarious and dirtiest and filthiest stand-up comedy I’ve ever seen come from American women. We don’t have that here. And I love it. Obviously, on the male front, the stand-up icon for me – well, the major icon – is Richard Pryor. We don’t really… but then again, he found a place in the mainstream with Gene Wilder and a slew of, now I think, classic 80s comedy films. And people embraced him. But I suppose you’re right. It’s very difficult to find and write vehicles for good, strong female characters, I think.
KP: Right. Or they have to be created by the females, like a French and Saunders…
HYNES: Yeah. They are, I suppose, our most successful female comedy export, without a doubt. I mean, Absolutely Fabulous is global. It’s totally global. I love them. I just think they’re amazing.
KP: But again, the fact that you have a track record at this point, obviously with Simon on Spaced, you have a reputation and the ability to open doors.
HYNES: Yeah.
KP: Do you find it’s almost a pressure to now try and get those doors open?
HYNES: Well, it’s a pressure you put on yourself, or you don’t. The sort of pressure I put on myself creatively, in my work mode is… also, in terms of my kind of writing and performing, is just the constantly trying, at this point, to write original funny material, and that’s it. There is no other pressure. There is no other focus. Only to write original funny material. I wrote a film for the BBC last year, Learners, which kind of fell in between things for me, in a way. I was happy with it, but it was slightly more drama-y. I think that experience reaffirmed for me that I was very comfortable in comedy. You know, comedy born out of obviously truth and real relationships. But I have no shame in going all out for a laugh in a scene. I’m almost always inclined to do that as a writer, and that’s where my heart is and that’s where I’m… I mean, last year I did Learners, and that took a while to get on, but we did it and it did well. David Tennant was in it. It was prime time, BBC1. I think we got… I don’t know, we did well. The show did well. It was a one-off film, and David Tennant agreed to star in it, and I wrote it, and I was in it with him.
KP: That was a very good film. I enjoyed it.
HYNES: There was a thing about it, that I would have liked to have gone for more comedy moments. I felt that I’d written them, but because it was supposed to be more of a drama, I think some of that was lost in the making of it. I know now that I’m comfortable – that’s what I want to do. I want to write things slightly more… that are funny.
KP: When it comes to character work like that – and you did a lot of it in the early part of your career…
HYNES: Yeah.
KP: As you progress, do you move away from going back to the sketch comedy route?
HYNES: I never wanted to go back to sketch comedy. I remember doing sketch comedy and feeling so frustrated because the joy of sketch comedy is you sit ’round the table… you all kind of turn up on the Monday or whatever. You’ve got how many sketches you’ve got to do, and you immediately inform that character on the page, that sketch page. And the more you bring to that character, the funnier ultimately it will be. However finely observed it is or nuanced it is, then it’s more enjoyable to watch it. But I would find, more often than not, that I would get to a point where I would think, “Oh, that’s a shame we don’t do more. There’s not more of a story.” And that was really what led me on to wanting to write something like Spaced, because it was just the frustration – it was just sort of the interruptus, if you like, of sketch show comedy was always just deeply dissatisfying to me. I’d get into this character and go for it, and then think, “Can’t we have her doing more?” I suppose it’s the comedian combined with actor, really – ultimately – because as an actor, that’s what you do. You created a three dimensional character, and you really go deep. And then as a comedian, you want to make people laugh. So I suppose that, in a way, is my style, really. And sketch show comedy was always frustration. I mean, this show I’m doing with Julia next year will be… there will be characters, but they will be in half hour shows. So that, in a way – I suppose – is a sort of… not really a halfway house, but I think you can have more fun with them for longer. They don’t have to just be… And sketch show writing is a skill. It’s a specific skill. I suppose a good sketch is like the TV equivalent of a stand-up doing a really good joke. And there are some people who are great at just writing good jokes – joke joke joke. And there are some people who are great at writing good sketches. And it’s just that funny thing that’s just – that’s funny, that’s funny, that’s funny. I don’t know whether that’s particularly my skill as a writer. And I love to perform that. I love to do anything that’s funny. I mean, I love to get laughs, obviously. But as a writer, my skill is much more about character… building character.
KP: I think it’s interesting that you mentioned that’s the tack that you’re taking on the show with Julia. I’ve always wondered why more people didn’t try and do a show like Ripping Yarns…
HYNES: I didn’t see Ripping Yarns…
KP: Really?
HYNES: No… What’s Ripping Yarns?
KP: Ripping Yarns is the follow-up series that Michael Palin and Terry Jones did post-Python…
HYNES: Oh yes. And how did it go?
KP: Basically, each of the episodes was a self-contained sort of comedic play…
HYNES: Oh, well, that’s it. That’s what we’re doing. The only difference is that we are going to join them all up. I’ve had this idea about… I mean, the producer’s already saying, “Why are you making it so complicated?”
KP: You’re screwing up the ability to do the reruns, Jessica…
HYNES: That’s it. That’s the great thing about it in England, is that they really are prepared to make what I suppose you could describe as boutique television. You put everything into it to create this one-off unique series, blood sweat and tears, and your blood is stained on every single page of the writing. And that’s how they do it, I suppose. That’s how we do it. I mean, it’s so rare to find a situation where someone goes, “Great; let’s set up a writing team.” That just very rarely happens. What happens is they like your talent and skill as a performer, and they say, “Well, write a series.” I’m always the first to say, “Couldn’t we get someone else, as well, to help us?” And they go, “No, no – you can do it.” (laughing) That’s how it works here.
KP: Do you find that, more and more, you’re getting this pull from the executive level about, “Well, how can we get this to transition to America? How can we make this appealing enough to get someone to license this?”
HYNES: No. This production company I’m working for, they’re not like that at all. They’re very very happy in their groove, I suppose.
KP: Because I’ve never understood, in this day and age when you have so much exposure through the internet to other cultures, as it were, and the accessibility that you have now to entertainment across the world, why there’s the feeling that – outside of language issues – a UK series has to be adapted for the US and re-imagined. Particularly in light of the whole Spaced issue…
HYNES: I know exactly what you’re saying. I think that is a kind of revolution, in a way, in which we view material. I think that is ultimately changing. One thing occurred to me, when suddenly we were… the prospect that the channel’s streaming through our homes… what was available… the only thing that came into my mind as the only thing that matters, is quality. If it’s good quality, people will want to watch it. Bottom line. Quality is hard work – It’s concept, it’s imagination, it’s passion, it’s enthusiasm, it’s focus. A good example is something like The Mighty Boosh, which is just this really sort of dedicated little… it depends; you might not like it. It might be your thing. But these two stand-ups who nurtured themselves through the stand-up scene have now created their own TV show. And people will come to it and people will love it. But I can’t imagine that ever translating or being translated – or needing, really, to be translated – into a different version of itself, if you know what I mean, for another, different, English-speaking audience. I just don’t think that would ever need to happen. To some degree, there’s almost a case of it being… well, actually I’ve got two things about this. On the one hand, I feel that there’s a slight… it’s almost insulting to assume than an American audience wouldn’t enjoy it and love it for the way it was. Ultimately, America loved Python. There was nobody saying, “Let’s do a remake of Python.” They just loved it. People love what they love. The bottom line is – they love what they love. But what we do not have in England is anything like the kind of business setup and focus, in terms of making TV. We do not have the infrastructure. We do not have the executives. We do not have the companies that want to make 100 episodes of something. We just do not have it. We do not have the audience, specifically, more than anything else. You make 100 episodes of something for an English audience off the bat – like, straightaway, “Okay, let’s do 100,” and it’s not a success…You know, that’s a big deal. Whereas in America, you’ve got a massive audience there. So I think it’s an economic reason, more than anything.
KP: Yeah, but I think you would have an incentive to do more of that production if there was a faith in the universality of comedy.
HYNES: Good point. Very, very good point. That’s a very good point, yeah.
KP: I had this ongoing argument with Phil Jupitus and Alan Davies and Bill Bailey. We were chatting about the idea of how difficult it is for a UK comedian to penetrate America… When their idea of penetrating America is to do three dates in New York and three dates in LA…
HYNES: Yeah.(laughing)
KP: Compared to – and I was talking to Alan about this, because Alan’s a good friend of Eddie Izzard’s – that Eddie set out with a determination to break America. And he played every club and every city from coast to coast that he could, to build up and audience. The same way you would do in the UK. And it’s this weird sort of common sense idea that no one ever tries to do that in the US. I was saying, if you have a Kings of Comedy and a Queens of Comedy, why isn’t there a UK version of that, that goes into the US? Get together a bunch of comedians, and you could have the roster rotate depending on schedules, but tour as a block. Get a headliner that the audience knows, like an Eddie, and take that on the road.
HYNES: I think that’s a good idea.
KP: And the thing is you could do the same thing – I’ve had this idea for years, because I used to run a film fest in Atlanta, but I would show a ton of UK material. Including episodes of some of the television shows. Like, we showed Black Books one year. I showed them an episode of QI. And the audience loved it. The one good thing about a UK series being an average six episodes is you could very easily do a film fest of showing of a show. From start to finish. I know you’re going to be doing it in Austin with Spaced…
HYNES:Spaced, yeah…
KP: But the idea that you could actually say, “We’re gonna have a film fest. We’re gonna show the run of Black Books. We’re gonna show the run of Nighty Night. And expose audiences that way, and make it like a cultural thing… You know, the way Python started out in the US. That it became the thing that hip people knew, who started spreading the word about it.
HYNES: Well, hopefully that will happen with Spaced. I mean, hopefully that will… to some degree, it kind of already has, because it’s reached America and it’s already seemed to have made an impact. I’m not sure how that has impacted, but it seems to have made some impact.
KP: It was obviously strong enough to put a stop to the American version…
HYNES: Well, yeah. Well, I don’t know if that’s what put the stop to the American version…
KP: I would say that they did not appreciate the criticism in public, from the creators, as they were trying to gear up for their remake…
HYNES: Yeah. My feeling about that was that I felt that it ties in with my feeling about the whole mentality of making shows. Somebody has a good idea. They think, “Oh, that’s a good idea. Let’s make that into a show. Let’s carry it on. Let’s turn it into something more. Let’s make it…” Like, The Office had two series, and now the American Office – there’s so many. There’s seasons of them, going on and on. And presumably somebody thought, “Well, Spaced works. Let’s try and do that with that.” And that – as a basic intention – is not… there’s nothing wrong with that, I don’t think.
KP: I think they mishandled things on a very basic level, that would have prevented much of what happened…even if it was just a courtesy acknowledgment and communication…
HYNES: Yeah.
KP: The problem is you still have these production companies and these networks operating like the internet doesn’t exist. That this massive communication network doesn’t exist. And in the past, they would have just licensed something, and the show would have went out. No one would have heard from the creators in the UK, because there was no means to hear from them.
HYNES: Well, apparently they did a remake of Fawlty Towers, and they called it Annabelle’s…
KP: They’ve done it a couple of times.
HYNES: Yeah, they did. And they got rid of Basil. It was all about… oh, what’s her name? Sybil. It was all about Sybil. Basil was out. He was out on his ear.
KP: Did you ever see the remake that starred John Laroquette in sort of the Basil role?
HYNES: No.
KP: Basically, what they did was…
HYNES: I would love to see that.
KP: Their idea of remaking it, and making it unique, was that they mirrored the set.
HYNES: They mirrored the set. They recreated the set?
KP: Yeah. They recreated the exact layout of the set, but they mirrored it. So instead of the reception being on the left, it’s now on the right. Everything was just flipped. The problem is that you’re still retaining the basic stories, but comedy seemed off-kilter…
HYNES: That is a special screening I would like to see. Six of the best remakes. You could probably put the Spaced pilot in there. Annabelle’s would probably be in there.
KP: Red Dwarf…
HYNES:Red Dwarf would be in there. What else would be in there? You need to get hold of the pilots. I think this could be a DVD. I think this could be a box set.
KP: It’d be the only way these things would get released.
HYNES: With the whole Spaced in the US thing, there was a part of me that felt bad that they’d actually put all that effort in and then it hadn’t come off for them. Because at the end of the day, everyone’s just trying to do it. Everyone’s just trying to make a show. Make it happen. And in America, it’s not unusual to pick up a show and remake it. In England, they don’t do that. I felt that was almost… it was a cultural thing going on. There was a little bit lost in translation there. A little bit of, “Oh, we don’t do that in England, because that’s not the way our industry works.”
KP: Well, maybe that’s what you should do. Maybe you should propose a six episode remake of Cheers.
HYNES: I know, a British remake of Cheers. What would that be like? Well, I suppose it would probably be After Hours, wouldn’t it? I don’t know. I think that there should be more British remakes in lots of things. I was thinking maybe you could do an opera of Friends or something. How would that be? I don’t know. We could turn it into a three hour… maybe a sort of Ring Cycle. Maybe a six hour…
KP: You turn it into a period costume drama for the BBC.
HYNES: What, turn Friends into a period costume drama?
KP: Or you can get authentic 1890s costumes meticulously recreated from the massive BBC costume department…
HYNES:Friends in the 1890s…
KP: Yes, exactly.
HYNES: It’s perfect! Do you know, you could probably list it completely and no one would notice. You could pass it off as some Jane Austin classic.
KP: There’s your task.
HYNES: Yeah, there’s my chance. That’s what I’ll be doing in 2010.
KP: That’s good. I’m glad we’re making progress.
HYNES: I really thought it out.
KP: I think that the other issue is – I was talking to John Lloyd about this, because I’ve been a big proponent of QI. I think that what a lot of UK creators are starting to realize is that you’re not really helped by the production companies…
HYNES: Yeah.
KP: And you’re not helped by the UK networks. But you have this marvelous platform in the internet, and going out to the US yourselves to go and make your case and get the show out there yourself, and do this sort of guerilla marketing of this material…
HYNES: Yeah.
KP: Because the audience is receptive. The audience just needs to see it. And to know it exists and know it’s out there. I mean, the audience loves it. I’ll show an episode of Black Books and the audience loves it. There’s no translation issues. I’ll show an episode of QI. John’s been fighting for years, and the response it always, “Oh, we need to Americanize it for the audience.” Well, no. Funny is funny.
HYNES: Yeah.
KP: And the audience loves it.
HYNES: I should tell you the hamster’s back in the cage.
KP: You did it?
HYNES: I did it. It sounds a bit like a spy euphemism doesn’t it? “The hamster is back in the cage.” But he is back in there.
KP: “And the dog digs at midnight.”
HYNES: Yeah. But yeah, it’s exactly as you said. What you said. Funny is funny. Funny is funny… Funny is as funny does…
KP: I’m glad that you’re getting out there and getting the recognition that is well deserved…
HYNES: That’s such a nice thing to say. I’m waiting for it. I’m really expecting… my hopes are quite high now for this tour. Because I feel like I just really, really kind of not at all have… I have no expectations. And actually, it’s only the journalists I’ve been speaking to in the last few days that have made me feel like, “Yeah! Yeah!” I swear to god!
KP: Well, you just have to make sure it doesn’t turn into a boy’s club…
HYNES: Well, you know…
KP: (laughing) They have a habit of unintentionally pushing you out…
HYNES: Yeah.
KP: I notice on the commentaries they wouldn’t allow you to complete a thought.
HYNES: Yeah.(laughing) You just gotta talk quick. I do manage to… I think I manage to… really? Do I not finish anything, or do I finish some?
KP: What I think I noticed was I think you were setting a land speed record during those first couple of commentaries with Kevin (Smith)…
HYNES: Right, good.
KP: It’s like you saw a spot, you saw an opening, you knew you had to fill it quick.
HYNES: I took it.
KP: Yeah.
HYNES: I took it and ran with it. I didn’t look back.
KP: No. No apologies.
HYNES: No apologies. Well I’m a toughie, me. I’m a toughie. I loved it. It was such a thrilling weekend to go and do that. And I love the play I’m doing. I love it. I absolutely love the play. And when it gets rough, I just get rough. Sometimes I get too rough. I was telling Simon that sometimes it feels like I’m… it’s like that thing you sometimes feel a little bit like you kind of misjudge it. (laughing) You get so excited.
KP: Are you the kind of actor that’s able to stand outside themselves and sort of view that performance as you’re doing it, and meter it?
HYNES: When I get into my stride, I’m just happy as anything just honing and getting the best laugh. When I was doing Spaced with Edgar (Wright), that was the best fun. You both kind of know what you’re going for with a gag, and you’re just working it, working it. And you both know when you’d really got it, and it couldn’t be any funnier. Those rare moments, or those few moments, I mean – you always… they’re great. That’s what it’s all about. It’s just the thrill of doing it keeps you doing it, I think. Just the love of doing it.
KP: Is there any regret that divergent careers have separated you from collaborating with Simon further?
HYNES: I don’t know what we would have done next together, to be honest. We would have done more Spaced, obviously. But I know Edgar wanted to do a film, and I know making Spaced, for the money we made it, was extremely difficult. What Edgar achieved was incredible. I mean, it’s basically like building a kind of 747 from a couple of dustbins in the back yard. We were strapped for time. We presented him with these scripts and he was so enthusiastic. But it was tough. I think the thought of a third series was just daunting. But at that point, creatively, Simon and Edgar had just gone “joooooo” over this kind of zombie scene in the beginning of episode three in series one, I think. Tim had been up all night playing Resident Evil 2, and Simon was just like, “We’ve got to do a zombie film. That’s it.” And at that point, that was a project that Edgar and Simon were just salivating over. And I was excited about it, too, but it was their project. At that point, it was like, “We’re going to write this together.” So apart from a third series of Spaced, I don’t know if there was anything that Simon was really craving to write with me. Do you know what I mean? Whereas his only project with Edgar was something he would just absolutely… you know, that was a natural progression from doing Spaced. Hot Fuzz was a pet project, I think, of Edgar’s that he was burning to write. So him and Simon wrote that, and I know Simon’s now writing with Nick on a project that they’re both loving. It’s about finding the project. Spaced was Simon and my writing project, that was fantastic. It was great. It worked out really well as a show. But I don’t know what we would go on to write together. I don’t know if his projects would necessarily need me. I mean, Spaced was particular because of this female character that I wrote, obviously, and because the dynamic between Tim and Daisy and the kind of relationship, and the other characters and the world. It was very much coming from my experiences and sort of gelling with Simon’s kind of brilliant grasp of this kind of… I don’t know.,, The film reference world, which gave this sort of elevated dimension which we’d been striving toward at the very beginning. But Simon really consolidated and brought it into focus. And the combination of those two is really what created Spaced. Any further writing projects would… anything that we would come up with together, I think, would have to be something we’re both just as passionate about, just as into, and just as ready to sort of share. And, as yet, I don’t think that’s happened. But it might happen. I’m looking forward to it. When it does happen, if it does happen, I loved writing with Simon and I hope I do again, definitely.
KP: Do you think that Spaced was sort of an alchemy of the moment?
HYNES: Absolutely, yeah. Absolutely. It was born out of my experiences of living in rented flats and squats and shared houses, and the fun I was having even though sometimes you have no money, but you had your mates and you were going out. I wanted to really create a subversive and authentic world that reflected my experiences, and make it really, really funny. And Simon was really, really into that, and I’d always wanted to kind of elevate it from the quite gritty sort of kitchen sink type of comedy that I didn’t feel really served the material. I wanted to elevate it all and make it kind of super and magical. And Simon was so into that. I only realized recently, not that it has any particular bearing on Spaced as it is, but I used to work in a cinema as one of my jobs when I was, like, 14. I worked as an usherette, and one of the films I watched was When Harry Met Sally. I watched it probably about 30 times. And I’ve always been a big… I’m just a total film addict and TV addict. I love watching telly and I love watching films. Anyway, that was a film that was… the core of that relationship, that unrequited love, was something that had really captured my imagination. But I just absolutely loved that film. And then feeding any of that into Spaced – I don’t know what was there, but Simon told me he’d written an essay at college comparing Annie Hall to When Harry Met Sally. Basically, I realized that at that point in time, we were both… that was one detail of our experiences and our education, leading up to the point in which we both sat down and wrote Spaced together. But I just realized that, in different ways, we were both actually completely on the same wavelength. We were both absolutely in the right place at the right time, and writing shows that we kind of both really wanted to write. And that was a really special moment. It was almost like this was a natural conclusion of our television watching childhoods. I imagined both Simon and I had watched probably about the same amount. The same television. Him definitely, definitely watching Star Wars more times than me, although I absolutely loved Star Wars, as well. I’d never dare 66:46) to call myself as much of a fan as Simon Pegg, who wrote his dissertation on Star Wars, but we had both been on this journey of growing up watching TV.
KP: A sort of pop culture odyssey?
HYNES: On a pop culture odyssey. And it had led us… When he would say, “What about this?” I knew exactly what he was talking about, and vice versa. We just absolutely clicked, and that was it. I always knew exactly what he was talking about, and he always knew exactly what I was talking about. And that is absolutely reflected in the show. Our ambition for it – and my ambition knew no bounds in terms of what we were striving for, what we wanted to do – which is comedy, and fun, and entertainment. Like, “Let’s make this fucking brilliant.” And I only felt like that because I was writing with Simon. And, at that point, I like to think he felt the same writing with me. So it was just a great moment for us, creatively. But whether or not that will happen again in a different way, I don’t know. Maybe it doesn’t need to. We did Spaced. Isn’t that enough for you? (laughing) ISN’T THAT ENOUGH, FOR GOD’S SAKE?
KP: No! We demand more!
HYNES: But I’d love to write with him more. I mean let’s face it; everything he’s done since then hasn’t been as good – so what does that tell you?
KP: Really. The collaboration with Edgar, what has it really gotten?
HYNES: (laughing) No, I’m joking. That’s my acerbic, sarcastic, ironic British sense of humor. I’m joking.
KP: I don’t think the tape’s picking up any of what you just said.
HYNES: I’m joking. I’m joking with you.
KP: In all seriousness, how does it feel, knowing that there’s probably a college student somewhere who’s written a paper comparing When Harry Met Sally to Spaced? That you’ve become part of the pop culture lexicon?
HYNES: My work is done. That’s all I ever wanted. That was what I wanted. I wanted to be part of the pop culture lexicon. And I wanted to be part of the pop culture lexicon on my own terms without compromising and without pretending to be some idiot. Although Daisy is a bit of an idiot. No… (laughing)
KP: I wouldn’t say that. I’d say that Daisy had a very realistic maturation arc…
HYNES: No, Daisy’s great.
KP: The great thing is you can say that, while they’re the same person, there was a lot of growth between the Daisy in the first episode and the Daisy of the last episode…
HYNES: Yeah, there was. And that was great as well, being able to write a series and say, “Well, let’s make them develop. Let’s make them grow. Let’s make them change.” So I suppose, yeah, there was. There was. But it’s great to think that’s the case.
KP: So, what is Daisy doing now, almost 10 years later?
HYNES: Yeah, what is Daisy doing now, 10 years later? I think she’s still living in flats. (laughing)
KP: Do you think they ever would have moved out of the flat?
HYNES: I think Tim would have moved out. I don’t think Daisy did. I think Daisy stayed there. I reckon Daisy might be having a bad flat mate experience as we speak. (laughing) She’s getting a little fat. She’s got a cat that’s got a little poop tray in the corner.
KP: What’s the name of the cat?
HYNES: The cat is maybe called Maxine…
KP: Even though it’s a male cat?
HYNES: Yeah. Colin’s dead. And actually, she’s never really recovered from the death of Colin, especially since Tim’s moved out. He keeps promising to come back and visit, but he never does. A new flat mate’s moved in.
KP: Male or female?
HYNES: A male flat mate who’s really sullen and grumpy and anal, and won’t take any phone messages. And Daisy’s trawling through a novel. She’s about 3/4 way through the novel.
KP: Is the what the title is? It has no other title but “The Novel”?
HYNES: She doesn’t know what it’s called yet. The novel. She’s thinking about calling it Maxine, but that’s as cute as it’s got. (laughing) Marcia’s got a really good looking new boyfriend, which really pisses Daisy off.
KP: Does she make awkward appearances just to try and upset things?
HYNES: Yeah, she turns up with her gorgeous boyfriend, rubbing it in Daisy’s face.
KP: Is Daisy instigating, trying to orchestrate some kind of breakup?
HYNES: No no, Daisy wouldn’t be interested in that. She tried to gather inspiration from her book. That’s all she wants because she’s running dry. She’s got 3/4 of the way through and she’s just realized she’s absolutely got no clue what happens next.
KP: Does she come to the realization it’s actually an autobiography?
HYNES: (laughing) That’s maybe a little bit too Dada. I don’t know. I don’t know where you’re going with that. She’s writing her own life! Ahh!
KP: Yes, as the camera spirals above her. And where’s Mike?
HYNES: I don’t know. I think Mike is now openly gay and is enjoying… I don’t know, the thrill of being part of the small, openly gay group of soldiers who campaign and make appearances. And very, very happy. He’s in a steady relationship, finally, after years of denial. Yeah.
KP: And Tim? Is he happy?
HYNES: I don’t know. He thinks he is. I think he might be in a kind of loft apartment somewhere.
KP: What caused him to move out?
HYNES: What caused him to move out? Oh god, I haven’t actually thought that far.
KP: Well, it sounds like there’s certainly plenty of stuff that can percolate.
HYNES: Well, yeah…
KP: You realize this entire interview was just a grand brainstorming exercise and Simon put me up to it.
HYNES: Oh right, good.
KP: He figures it’s the only way to get you motivated…
HYNES: Yeah. Well, yeah. I’d always love to go back to those characters.
KP: Maybe it’ll be the Spaced Christmas Special.
HYNES: I would love to do that. I’d love to do the Spaced Christmas Special.
KP: Maybe it can be the Only Fools and Horses of this generation.
HYNES: Oh yeah! God, that was the biggest Christmas special, wasn’t it?
KP: They did, what, three total? Two total, post when the series “ended”?
HYNES: Yeah, they did. The final. “No, this is the final one.” “No, *this* is the final one.”
KP: With massive gaps between them. Wasn’t there like five or six years between at least one of the sets?
HYNES: Yeah, I think there was, actually. And then it was the final one, and they all went off into the sunset, I remember.
KP: Well I hope it hasn’t been too painful an interview…
HYNES: It’s been a lovely interview. It’s been an absolute pleasure. I really appreciate your support. It’s been lovely to talk to you.
KP: Likewise…
HYNES: As I say, you know, every person I speak to makes me more and more excited about coming over to America and promoting the DVD. It’s very gratifying to know that…
KP: Until you spoke with me. I was the one who put the chink in the armor…
HYNES: You really put the chink in the armor. But I know now there are at least 10 or 11 Spaced fans definitely in America, and that makes me feel good.
SModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.
SModcast 58: Kodachrome –
In which our heroes talk a little shop, muse over collegiate nudes, wax Parisian, and seek salvation in Shrewsbury.
[CONTENT WARNING]SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.
Adult Swim’s Dana Snyder and FRED’s Ken Plume set out to have a literate conversation between two pals, but inevitably devolve into a verbal, and funny, free-for-all full of bickering, infighting, and the special kind of male bonding that comes from conflict expressed through the podcast medium.
Actor/comedian/raconteur Dana Snyder, you’re certainly aware, is Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, Squidbillies‘ Granny, Minoriteam’s Dr. Wang, and The Venture Bros.‘ Alchemist. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (bat availability pending), you can keep tabs on him via his website, www.eyeofthesnyder.com.
Ken Plume is the editor-in-chief here at FRED. He is a friend of Dana’s, as well as his arch-nemesis.
KEN P.D. SNYDECAST #52: Holland Tunnel Vision – Ken & Dana return with another of their patented “Dana Is On The Road So The Sound Quality Is Iffy” extravaganzas, as our dynamic duo trade compliments, take a letter from a time traveler, and even debate whether or not Dana’s seen the yo-yo version of a different kind of traveler.
[CONTENT WARNING]:This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…
In what may be the quickest turnaround time from air to release, the complete fifth season of Reno 911! (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP) arrives in stores literally within weeks of the final episode airing. The 3-disc set features all 16 episodes, plus audio commentaries, 40+ minutes of extended scenes, and “Cop Psychology: Inside The Minds Of Reno’s Deputies”.
Largely a neglected novelty in the US, Alan Parker’s wonderfully bizarre Bugsy Malone (ITV, Rated G, DVD-£19.99 SRP) is a certified kiddie holiday classic – think of it as the equivalent to what A Christmas Story is in the US. Yes – wonderfully bizarre – how else would you describe a gangster movie starring kids, with music by Paul Williams? It’s never been released on DVD in the States, but they’ve long had a standard-edition DVD in the UK, featuring an audio commentary from Parker, trailers, galleries, and more. Well, now they’ve gone and shown up the States again by releasing a beautifully high definition Blu-Ray edition (ITV, £19.99 SRP). If you’ve never seen the film – well, that’s the way to see it. You must see it.
Back on the road again, actor Robbie Coltrane is exploring the interesting and unique to be found across the breadth of England in Robbie Coltrane: Incredible Britain (Acorn Media, Not Rated, DVD-$29.99 SRP). From 20-ton monster trucks to wing-walkers to rugby played with a beer keg, it’s a bizarre, fun travelogue.
If the slice of the 60’s presented in AMC’s Mad Men leaves you wanting to sonically explore the period a little more, then by all means pick up Mad Men: Music From The Series Volume 1 (EMI, $17.98 SRP). With tracks from Vic Damone, Bobby Vinton, Ella Fitzgerald, The Andrews Sisters, series composer David Carbonara and more, it’s worth a spin.
I always get a kick out of the sheer energy and exuberance – and, frankly, unhinged quality – of talk and variety shows in the UK. Case in point is The Friday Night Project, which is an hour long comedy program presented by Alan Carr and Justin Lee Collins, and featuring a different guest host and musical guest each week. Think of it as a funny Saturday Night Live, deriving much of the humor from the unpredictability of Collins and Carr, and the permissibility of UK television. If you’d like a nice sampler of what I’m getting on about, check out The Friday Night Project: Unleashed (ITV, Not Rated, DVD-£19.99 SRP), which is essentially a bonus-filled best-of compilation.
Anticipation of The Dark Knight is building to a fever pitch, so it makes sense that Warners would quickly shuffle out a Batman Begins: Limited Edition Giftset on Blu-Ray (Warner Bros., Rated PG-13, DVD-$49.99 SRP) to exploit the mood. In a nutshell, it’s got the same on-disc bonus features as the standard 2-disc DVD, plus a 2/12 minute sneak peek at Dark Knight, a collection of postcards, a look at the filming of the prologue sequence of DK, and a comic book adaptation of the same.
And you know that, since you’re already in the rip current, you’re going to pick up the score to The Dark Knight (Warner Sunset, $18.98 SRP), by Hans Zimmer & James Newton Howard. You know you’re going to get it. You just know it.
Despite cultural affectations, the bottom line is that funny is funny. Such is the case with Al Murray: The Pub Landlord Live At The Palladium (ITV, Not Rated, DVD-£19.99 SRP). It’s always wonderful to watch a comedian craft stand-up that transcends a stage persona, while still firmly rooting it in said character. Al Murray’s nationalistic, xenophobic, lager-loving pub owner is a thing of cliched glory, ranking right up there with Bob & Doug McKenzie. Heartily recommended. The DVD also features a behind-the-scenes featurette.
First of all, let me say that it’s no Meet The Spartans. And I mean that as a compliment, because that was just unwatchable excrement. No, Superhero Movie (Dimension, Not Rated, DVD-$29.95 SRP) is better than most of the horrid pop culture parody flicks to come down the pike since the high water mark of Airplane!. can you guess what the subject matter is this go round? Can you? I knew you could. Bonus materials include an audio commentary, deleted scenes, an alternate ending, featurettes, and the theatrical trailer.
They still haven’t found a good vehicle for Raven Symone, but Disney’s College Road Trip (Walt Disney, Rated G, DVD-$29.99 SRP) is an amiable enough affair, as its essentially Planes, Trains, & Automobiles, but with a father (Martin Lawrence) taking a road trip to check out colleges with his soon-to-be-leaving daughter (Symone). The DVD features audio commentaries, deleted scenes, a video diary, a gag reel, and more.
Finally, what has become an iconic bit of television finally hits DVD with the complete ninth season of Dallas (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP). What iconic moment do I speak of? Well, let’s just say it’s the second most iconic shower scene below Psycho‘s. The 4-disc set features all 31 episodes, plus an in-depth featurette on the season’s elaborate dream sequence.
It’s not a full season set, but at least it’s a solid batch of episodes in the first set collecting The Adventures Of Ozzie & Harriet. The Best Of Ricky and Dave (Shout! Factory, Not Rated, DVD-$34.99 SRP) features 24 episodes spanning the show’s 14 season run, with Ricky becoming a teen idol in the process.
Dr. Alec Holland’s hulking, green alter-ego returns to DVD with the second volume of Swamp Thing: The Series (Shout! Factory, Not Rated, DVD-$34.99 SRP), which collects the first 26 episodes of the show’s massive 50-episode 3rd (and final) season.
Everything – and I mean everything – comes to DVD eventually, even when it’s such an embarrassing disappointment as the short-lived Birds Of Prey (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP). In fact, the best thing I can say about comic book series is that – in the flashback showing how the former Batgirl, now Oracle, was crippled by the Joker – they were smart enough to cast Mark Hamill as the voice of the Clown Prince of Crime. The 4-disc set features all 13 episodes, plus the unaired pilot and all 30 episodes of the animated web-series Gotham Girls.
So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…
Oh no! Just when you thought it was safe to hang out at the Quick Stop…
Cabin Fever (hosted by the twisted souls Brian Fitzpatrick and Aaron Poole) is the result of having too much time on your hands and access to your local community radio station.
Over the course of an hour, they manage to trawl the depths of good taste, plus throw some music in. How much more could you want from a podcast?… Quality? Oh… we didn’t think of that.
Enjoy! And we hope our cross Atlantic friends can understand the Irish accent 😉
Hugs and Kisses,
Aaron P. + Rev. Fitzy
CABIN FEVER #31: P.S. I Love Blake – Aaron has an emotional plea this week in order to win back the love of a friend. The lead singer of Cabin Fever’s favourite band, The Tastydactyls, needs to be told just how much we love him. In a heterosexual way (mostly). Of course, we have the usual talk of Koala bears, complicated chainsaw suicide, and Jason Patrick. But mostly it’s about man-love. As always, there is music thrown in to break up the sexual tension.
[CONTENT WARNING]:Explicit contents! We say every naughty word you can think of. You have been warned!
First of all, yes, I’ve been late with my blog. I apologize to all my loyal readers (hi Mom!). I know you’ve been dying to know where I’ve been (not under a rock) and what I’ve been up to (yes, I did meet Steven Spielberg – he’s short but quite friendly).
I haven’t been able to see many of the summer movies so far, but I was very fortunate last Monday to catch a sneak preview of a film everyone is dying to see”¦
The Dark Knight
“Some men just want to watch the world burn.” ““ Alfred Pennyworth
There has a been a lot of hype surrounding this film. At first it was almost solely about Heath Ledger’s performance as the Joker and how because of his tragic death he was all but assured a posthumous Oscar nomination. This, of course, brought forth a lot of backlash saying no performance would be worthy of that. And when the film started to be screened it was compared, as a sequel, to “The Godfather Part II” and “The Empire Strikes Back” in terms of how it topped the original.
On Monday night I caught an early IMAX screening and let me tell you, “The Dark Knight” lives up to NONE of the hype.
Comparisons to other fantastic sequels are unfair because it so far exceeds its predecessor. “The Godfather Part II” was great, but “The Godfather” was equally brilliant. “Empire Strikes Back” was easily the best Star Wars film. But “The Dark Knight” makes its predecessor “Batman Begins” look like the campy Adam West show – and I thought “Begins” was a pretty damn good movie. While the first film was inspired by Japanese samurai films, this was clearly inspired by great crime thrillers such as “Heat” and “Seven”.
I don’t want to spoil this film for you all with plot details. I will say that it is a study in polarity. Of white knights and dark knights. Of order and chaos. And where we all fall in between them. It’s surprisingly topical, dealing with issues such as personal privacy and terrorism. And it’s a fantastic, globe-trotting action movie owing more to the James Bond franchise than any other comic book film. It relies on practical effects over CGI and is all the more stunning for it (George Lucas, take note). Seeing a semi-truck and trailer flip over its front end will astonish you – and they actually did that in the streets of Chicago.
Most of the cast from “Batman Begins” is back. Michael Caine is perfect as Bruce Wayne’s Jiminy Cricket, Alfred Pennyworth, offering sage advice with a sardonic and honest wit. Morgan Freeman returns as Lucius Fox, a brilliant businessman and scientist. And Gary Oldman is given even more to do as Lt. Jim Gordon, who tries desperately to hold his city together while the Joker tries to tear it apart. Each of these actors has at least one great scene. Gordon has one that will make you stand up and cheer.
New to this instalment is Maggie Gyllenhaal taking over for Katie Holmes as Rachel Dawes. Gyllenhaal brings a more mature side to the character than Holmes was capable of. Aaron Eckhart plays straight-as-an-arrow DA Harvey Dent. Eckhart’s Dent is hard working, incorruptible, and humble – that is, until a shocking tragedy leaves him emotionally and physically torn in two.
But above everyone in an outstanding cast stands Heath Ledger. Ledger’s performance is simply stunning. His Joker will go down in history as one of the best screen villains of all time. Ledger makes the Joker amoral, psychotic, terrifying and hilarious all at the same time. The Joker is also the smartest character in the film, manipulating everyone like marionettes. The performance is absolutely pitch perfect and simply the best performance Ledger ever gave. An Oscar nomination is required here – not because of sympathy for a talented young actor who died too young, but because the performance merits it.
I saw it this film on IMAX and I was skeptical that it would work given most of the film is in a 2.35 to 1 aspect ratio while IMAX is traditionally more like 1.33 to 1. But it is absolutely worth making the effort to see these action scenes in IMAX.
I can’t give enough praise for this film. I was blown away. This isn’t just the best movie of the summer, it’s the best of the year.
Brett Deacon apologizes for his tardiness. Please accept his note from Epstein’s mother.
To most of the American audience, the name Dom Joly will most likely spark no response.
Well, let’s change that.
To audiences in the UK (and some of the hipper viewers in the US), Dom Joly is best known as the creator and principal dada anarchist behind the Channel 4 hidden camera show Trigger Happy TV – which is best described as guerilla improv.
He followed it up with a move to the BBC and the meta chat show This Is Dom Joly, in which he interviewed guests through a concussed haze. He then returned to Trigger Happy territory with the globe-spanning World Shut Your Mouth.
He’s also morphed himself into a globe-trotting host of travel documentaries (nipping on the heels of Michael Palin), beginning with the one-off special Dom Joly’s Excellent Adventure, which saw him traveling back to the country of his birth, Lebanon, before heading into Syria (with best mate Pete at his side) to try and find a Syrian cave upon whose wall he carved his name into during a childhood vacation. What other documentarian would drive through Syria while blasting “Don’tcha” over the car stereo?
In Dom Joly’s Happy Hour, he and Pete hit the road again, circumnavigating the world while documenting the drinking habits of cultures from Europe to America to India. (Okay, honestly, it was really just an excuse to get a network to pay for an elaborate drinking holiday, but the end product totally excuses his base, self-admitted motives).
He recently fronted a series called The Complainers, which sought to examine the British reluctance to declare “enough is enough”, and is a frequent guest on panel shows, including Have I Got News For You, Would I Lie To You, Never Mind The Buzzcocks, and more. He’s also regularly on radio, podcasts, and writes a column for The Independent.
He’s just a busy guy.
And an interesting one.
Here’s a little look at the show that started it all, Trigger Happy TV…
And now here’s our chat…
KEN PLUME: First of all, I heard you did an episode of QI…
DOM JOLY: Yeah, I did a QI, yes.
KP: I believe the Christmas episode, right?
JOLY: I think it was the Christmas one. It was very weird. There was lots of hats and log fires going on…
KP: Well, I hope it was the Christmas episode, then…
JOLY: (laughing) Yeah…
KP: It would be rather awkward otherwise. I’ve noticed that, in the past couple years, you’ve definitely increased your appearances on the panel shows…
JOLY: Yeah. I’m not really a panel show sort of person. I never really enjoyed them. But actually, I’ve got a bit more… comfortable with them, I suppose is the word. Because I’m not a stand-up comedian. I’ve never done stand-up or anything like that. I never really enjoy doing that sort of thing. But actually, recently, I have enjoyed them a little bit more. Especially QI, actually. It’s the best one I’ve done, just because it’s one of the few shows I’ve done where you sort of completely forget there’s an audience and you actually are just enjoying the conversation. I mean, being with Stephen Fry is always quite exceptional.
KP: Is it something you definitely would like to repeat on the future series?
JOLY: What, on QI?
KP: Yes…
JOLY: Oh, definitely QI. I mean, it’s just right up my street – just sort of talking nonsense about weird things is perfect.
KP: Now, what was the first panel show that you had done?
JOLY: The very first one I did was Have I Got News for You, which is when I was doing Trigger Happy, and they asked me, and it was a kind of… it felt like a kind of acceptance, you know? You’ve made it to a certain level to be asked on Have I Got News For You, because that was always the big show for me. So I was so excited to go on it, and I’d always watched it – and I’m a bit of a politics junkie, anyway, because I used to be a journalist, so I kind of quite cockily thought, “Oh, this’ll be easy.” I’m just sitting there going, “This is gonna be great.” And I turned up and I didn’t really know what a panel show involved, and I just sort of sat down for the warm-up and it was fine and everything was good. Then I remember them introducing everyone, and I was just backstage not at all nervous, and I sat down, and I remember the theme tune starting and literally disappearing into a black hole and just sort of suddenly realizing where I was. I don’t think I said anything for the first 20 minutes and in the end, Ian Hislop passed me a note saying, “You’re really going to have to say something.” And I was just fiddling with this pencil, just like moving it back and forward. But they were very kind, actually. They edited me in the end so that I managed to say a couple of things by the end. So it wasn’t quite as bad as it could have been.
KP: You know it’s rather awkward when Ian has to prompt you to say something.
JOLY: Yeah, I know…
KP: This was back towards the end of the Angus (Deayton, HIGNFY‘s first host) period…
JOLY: Yeah. Angus was still there, that’s right. I think it was 2001.
KP: So, would you say that – at that point, anyway, when you were doing panel shows – it was sort of almost an autopilot you would go on?
JOLY: Well, the thing is, it kind of depends what panel shows you go on, because some panel shows are very political. I mean, Have I Got News For You is quite political in the sense of the people that are on it every week, and I think they kind of have to be edited equally so that they all look funny. So, as a guest, you’re kind of there as fodder. Whereas other ones, like QI, it’s up to you what you do on it, really. If you’re good or you chat away, then you kind of get given more time. But yeah, mostly I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. Everything I did on Trigger Happy, most of the time it’s kind of made up on the spot and I’m in control of it. So I always find it very odd being on something that… well, it’s just a bit show bizzy. I’m just not very show bizzy. I’m kind of… I hate to use that word “guerilla”, but I kinda always feel a bit guerilla and not really fitting into comedy because I’m not a standup, I’ve never been to Edinburgh, never done anything like that. So I always feel slightly odd when I go on those shows with proper stand-ups and… I don’t know, I just don’t feel like I fit there, basically.
KP: Well, obviously you’re a quick thinker on your feet. You’ve certainly survived well within that environment…
JOLY: Yeah…
KP: I’ve noticed a couple of times that you’ve mentioned “standup comedian” being obviously, in your mind, a definition of something. How do you define that sort of performer, in your view?
JOLY: Well, it’s not that… It’s just that, because I’ve never done standup, I’ve always felt… I mean, I don’t know if it was rightly or wrongly, but I felt when Trigger Happy first came out, normally people who do a show on television have kind of established a bit of a pedigree, and they’ve been doing a bit of standup or they’ve done Edinburgh or… you know, and they build and then suddenly they go on television. I was really lucky. Trigger Happy literally was the first thing I ever did, you know, having been a journalist, and it just appeared. And I remember at the time stand-ups going, “Who the hell is this guy?” Like, “Where does he come from?” So I’ve always felt a bit like I haven’t paid my dues, you know? But on the other hand, when you put stand-ups on television, it doesn’t really work that well. It’s the same thing. It’s a completely different job. I couldn’t go in front of a crowd. So I feel awkward in the standup sense – in that when you go on a panel show, I think – as a standup – you’re kind of used to talking to crowds. You feel comfortable in front of an audience. You’ve got set lines that, if you have to go back to them, you know are gonna be funny. And I don’t have any of those. I suppose I’m always astonished on panel shows, actually, how much people do prepare – whereas I always just assumed you went on and winged it. Which is what I always do with everything. And I think recently, if I go on one, I do try and get as much preparation as possible. But I’m just too lazy, really. I don’t really prepare very well. I just like trying to spin off people.
KP: You went back a few years later and did another Have I Got News For You after you had a lot more experience doing that sort of thing. How different was the experience?
JOLY: I didn’t have that much more experience. I think it was still only about my fourth panel show, the second one, but I think I was a lot less cocky, and I was a lot more nervous. And I think, because I was nervous, it made me really think about the news… I mean, you know, I read newspapers and watch TV anyway, the news, so I’m kind of aware of what’s going on, but with that week I kinda tried to guess what they were gonna talk about and, I suppose, I also had slightly more stories. When I first went on… you know, they do a lot of, “So this interesting happened to you.” In 2000, I’d just started – whereas since then, I’ve had quite a few odd things happen to me. So I think I had more to talk about. And because it was a guest presenter, it was kind of… Angus was kind of untouchable. He was very good at what he did, and you sort of felt you couldn’t really have a stab at him. Whereas the guest presenter is much easier, and you just… you know, you kind of joshed with them. So that was easier.
KP: Going back to Trigger Happy, when you talk about that sort of coming out of the blue, there were a few things you did prior. You did a Paramount Comedy Lab prior to that, right?
JOLY: Well, I did a year of doing sort of what was called “interstitial”, where they basically just paid me to go out and film weird stuff, all sorts of weird stuff, and then they put it in between, you know, Friends and Frasier, or whatever, just to kind of put bits in between the actual shows. And that was invaluable to me, because normally in television, you know, you kind of… you might do something on radio or you might do something on stage, but the first thing you put out on television is normally your practice, really. But I’d had like a year with a camera just doing loads and loads and loads and loads of stuff – a lot of it complete rubbish – and just occasionally thinking, “Well, that works.” So by the time Trigger Happy came round and Channel 4 saw lots of little things we were doing, I kind of was quite honed. I was good at being self-critical. It wasn’t just, “Oh my god I filmed something; it’s got to go on television.” It was kinda like, “That’s rubbish. That’s good.” So I think I was a bit tighter than I would have been.
KP: So you’ve got a camera, and you’re out there doing this guerilla material. What’s the learning curve, going out there? Because what you were doing at that time, during the Trigger Happy period, was rather fearless material…
JOLY: I think… my main thing was I couldn’t understand, because I didn’t have any background in it. I used to seek various people I like – like, Dennis Pennis was a big influence. I don’t know if you know him…
KP: Yes…
JOLY: And I remember watching that, and I think the first thing was that we literally arrived just at the time when cameras changed. So you didn’t need to hire a film crew to go out and film silly pranks – you used to have a limited amount of time because you’ve got to pay the film crew. The year I started it was literally about the first year where you could go into a shop and, for a grand, buy a camera that was easy to use and good enough to put stuff on television straight away. And so that allowed us just to… you know, I did it with a guy called Sam Cadman. It just allowed us to literally just go and film and film and film. We didn’t have to worry that we had to pay a crew, so we could do lots of stuff ourselves. And then I think the thing I really learned after a bit was that there is no right and wrong in comedy. I don’t believe anything’s unfunny. If you find something funny, then that’s funny. It’s just you’ve got to hope that what you find funny other people find funny. And I think I was really lucky because when I met Sam – who I made it with – we just both had exactly the same sense of humor. And so we just were doing stuff… I learned to do things to amuse us. So even the style of Trigger Happy that people used to talk about… There was the slightly shaky camera. That was only because Sam was laughing. And that was really good. We were just trying to… I was trying to show off to Sam and make him laugh. And I suppose what I learned was you’ve just got to trust that. The moment you try and think, “What will people find funny?”, then I think you fail. You’ve got to just do what you find funny and hope that other people find it funny. So I think it was confidence, a little bit, is probably what you learn.
KP: Are there any particular bits from that period that you can look back on and think, “I over thought that…”?
JOLY: Loads. Terrible, big, cartoon jokes. I had a long series where I was trying to do a cat chasing a mouse around London. And it was kinda funny, but we’d build big props like a big one ton weight that was hollow and drop it off a roof and land on the mouse. And it was all just… I don’t know. Also, I learned… we had someone in charge, though, who kept insisting we put cartoon music on the dog, on the sort of costume jokes, and it was just so wrong. And in the end, I put on my own music. Which unfortunately was never shown in the States because it was library music. But the one we used here was proper good music. And that’s why I really knew that great music was gonna work with really silly stunts and stuff. But I just think a lot of it was down to keeping it short, really. You know, we used to put everything we filmed on telly, and then you just think, “No no no – it’s all about minimum amount of stuff. Minimum amount of stuff.” So we didn’t want anything more than a minute.
KP: Now would you generally cycle through things quickly, or would there be particular ideas that you thought, “You know, I’m gonna get this to work somehow…”?
JOLY: No. Really quick and bored, really. It was very low attention span. The reason it really worked was Sam, who was the camera guy with me, he’s basically a sort of obsessive compulsive and attention deficit disorder, and basically he’s just very, very… everything has to be perfect. Whereas I’m very much like, “Right, let’s do this,” and then I’m bored ’cause it’s not working. So we work quite well together, because I’d rush things on and he’d try and say, “No, let’s do it again.” But it was very organic the way we’d come up with stuff. So we’d drive around and we wouldn’t really know what we were doing, and then we’d see a milkman and we’d think, “Oh. Milkman. We haven’t done a milkman.” So we’d go off to a costume shop and find a milkman costume and then go and just start doing milk stuff, and normally something funny would happen. And then we’d think, “Oh, that’s good…” and then we’d do that until we were bored of it. But we were also quite curious, which meant it was very difficult… I think a lot of shows just fake a lot of stuff, and we were determined that everything had to be bang on and had to be the first time, and if it was the third time it wasn’t as funny. And I think we kind of stopped ourselves doing stuff much quicker, in some ways.
KP: It’s a very intense thing to try and do these sort of pieces where you’re maintaining whatever the character and situation is within a public that doesn’t know what you’re doing…
JOLY: Yeah, it’s a nightmare.
KP: How difficult was it for you not to break during this?
JOLY: Not to what?
KP: Not to break during those scenes…
JOLY: What do you mean, not to crack up?
KP: Not to crack up, right…
JOLY: Oh, god, it was easy, actually. It’s the one thing that everyone always says, and it’s really funny – I never, ever crack up during a scene, because it’s kind of so embarrassing doing what you’re doing, and you’re it in a weird costume and you’re doing everything that, in a normal world, you just wouldn’t do, and approach people and make an idiot of yourself, and the only thing that’s saving you is, in your head, you know that you’re doing this for a reason and that it’ll be funny because you know. And if I suddenly cracked up halfway through a scene, I’d kind of suddenly become me, and then I’d suddenly become incredibly embarrassed. It would just be like suddenly waking up from a dream and you’re naked in a sitting room with a whole lot of people. So I’d never, ever do it. The only time I’ve ever cracked up was in the very first Trigger Happy. I was dressed as an old sea captain and I’m in some port down in Somerset and I’m talking to these two old ladies about how my dog and my wife and everyone’s been lost at sea. And I couldn’t believe… they were the first people we met. And literally we dressed up as this sea captain and I thought I’ll just wander into the village, start chatting, and we’ll kind of develop what the character is. And the first two people we met were these old women, and all they said was “Oh yeah, oh yeah,” to whatever you said. Because I literally said, “I’ve just murdered a man.” “Oh yes.” And there was just one second where I couldn’t believe it and I cracked up. So I turned it into me crying. So there’s a little bit where it looks like I’m weeping slightly. So that was my only way of getting out of it. If I giggled I’d pretend to start weeping. So it’s very rare for me.
KP: And how often would you say that a situation got dangerous?
JOLY: Never really very dangerous. Actually, weirdly, the States was a lot more dangerous than here. Just because, always at the back of my mind in the States – I just thought the worst that could happen in England is someone would give you a slap, but always in the States you’re just thinking, “Is this guy carrying a gun? Has he just been released from somewhere?” And I just always have this horror of some headline – “Minor English comedian gunned down in Arkansas dressed as a squirrel.” So I don’t know – you’re never quite sure there. And also, I can kinda read people in England really well. You get to read people really well. You just kinda know what they are. The moment you go out and talk to them, you just have no idea what people can be like. But the moment you look in their eyes, you can tell whether they’ve killed, basically. And just occasionally you’d go and there’d just be those dead eyes looking at you. And you just go, “Oops, sorry, I’ve got the wrong person…” and wander off. So I was pretty good at avoiding complete lunatics, basically. I’d just walk away normally. Just occasionally you’d get quite aggressive people but I think it’s quite easy to calm down aggressive people in England. For some reason. Especially if you’re in a costume.
KP: Well, I’m curious… and I’ve talked with quite a few other comedians in the UK about this, but I’m curious as to, when you come over to the States – either to work or just for leisure – what is your perception of going and working in the US? You mentioned a little bit about how you could read people more in the UK than the US. What is your perception of the US, as a place to work and a place to visit?
JOLY: God, this is a huge one. I mean, I love the US. It’s always been… I think it’s still… I’ve been to over 100 countries now, and I think it’s the most exciting place I’d ever go to, just because everything about it is kind of different in the sense that within one country, there’s so much diversity. And there’s something exciting about going there. When I went there to work, that was like, I couldn’t believe I was actually being paid to go and do something in America. I do have a flip side to that, is that because I was born in Beirut – although I’m not Lebanese, I’m now on some list of potential terrorists. So every time I come to America, a red light goes above the passport guy and I get taken to a room and I’m held for about three hours and interviewed and asked questions like why do I speak French. And then someone always gives me an anal frisk for no reason whatsoever. I’m not joking.
KP: Maybe they just saw the US version of Trigger Happy.
JOLY: Yeah, possibly. I don’t know. Well yeah, I agree, I should have been imprisoned for that, but that was not my fault. But that’s another story. But yeah, so I kind of… I tend to avoid going to the states if I can, because I just hate the hassle I get at the airport. But once I’m there, I absolutely love it. And I think the problem… I’m kind of… we’re just thinking at the moment – Sam, who I made Trigger Happy with, now lives in LA, and he’s a director in LA, and there’s been a lot of people talking about how they love Trigger Happy to him, and we’re actually putting together a Trigger Happy movie at the moment which we’re about to pitch in LA. And my worry is whether we were gonna film it in the States or in England, because why it works in Britain is kind of because the reaction of people in Britain is different. We kind of have this thing of… a fear of embarrassment, and a terrible… If you approach someone in England, they don’t react – they kind of back away. That means you can do anything, really. They’re just like, “As long as you don’t stab me, I’m fine.” Whereas in the States, when we did things like the big mobile in New York, they’d just turn around and go, “Hey, shut the fuck up.” And there’s a much more direct thing, so it’s kind of more difficult. But also there’s just things that I can read in England, and we can sort of subtly satirize – you’re not even trying to satirize anything, but it’s just part of you which I think it’s very difficult to do if you haven’t grown up in a country. So I think it might be different in America.
KP: Well, what I find curious is that there’s a set amount of locales that UK comedians or UK performers coming to the US – who want the “US experience” – go to…
JOLY: Well, actually, that’s very very interesting you say that, because one of the main things Sam and I have been talking about is that obviously when you come and film, you go to New York, you go to Miami, you go to San Francisco and LA, you basically do… to me, America’s two countries. When I first arrived, I couldn’t see who voted for Bush, because you go New York, Miami, San Francisco, and you’re like, “Well, everyone’s normal here. They’re great. Who votes for Bush?” And then I did a drive through Alabama and Mississippi and Louisiana, and you’re like, “Ah, I get it.” So to me, America’s two countries. It’s like a big circle with all the coasts, and then there’s a kind of inner circle – which is where the crazies are, in my view. So our idea is that if we film a kind of American Trigger Happy, I wanted to do it in real America – like, places that we don’t always see. So we wanted to go to Alabama and Charleston and just kind of weird inland Texas, and do stuff in the center of America that no one ever sees… Well, they do see, but it’s not the kind of flying to LA stuff.
KP: The other location I was going to mention is that people always go to the south. And you never see anyone go to…
JOLY: Minneapolis.
KP: Right. Minneapolis or Wisconsin or Idaho or Iowa or Illinois…
JOLY: Yeah, well, we’re going to Montana, if that’s any good.
KP: You’ll have difficulty finding people.
JOLY: Yeah, I know. And the other place I’ve always wanted to go to, so we’re going to, is Maine. Just because I have a lot of lobster jokes.
KP: Well, in Maine you also get that sort of cultural mix. They’re almost our Canadians.
JOLY: But that’s exactly it, and that’s what we’re trying to do with locations, is to get one of each kind of American stereotype – even though each state is kind of its own country. But to do it in places that you don’t normally see – and also aren’t that TV savvy because, again, you go to LA or New York and everyone’s just like, they’ve got a lawyer when you’re trying to get a release form off them.
KP: Well, I would recommend you try Appalachia in the western half of North Carolina.
JOLY: I’ve been there. I filmed a thing there. I went to about 10 miles from where they filmed Deliverance…
KP: Well, that was the moonshine episode of Happy Hour…
JOLY: Yeah. A very, very scary place, but I loved it.
KP: You should hit Dollywood while you’re out there.
JOLY: I really wanted to go to Dollywood, yeah. Is that near there? I didn’t realize it was near there.
KP: Yes. It’s sort of right on the border of Tennessee and North Carolina.
JOLY: Well, I have a friend who’s American who’s from West Virginia, and her mother is a born again who speaks in tongues and she keeps inviting me over, but I don’t know if it’s my bag
KP: If you do, one of the most fascinating and terrifying journeys that I’ve ever taken is on a road that goes down the Appalachian mountains, called the Blue Ridge Parkway.
JOLY: Right.
KP: And basically has all of these odd stop offs like the coal mines of West Virginia, the sort of Cherokee gambling reservation in North Carolina, Dollywood, the Smoky Mountains…
JOLY: It’s got everything.
KP: And they have you know massive aqueducts that run through it to service this rural America, to bring some kind of civilization. But it’s one of the oddest drives you could ever take.
JOLY: I’d just like to drive all over the states constantly, but unfortunately my wife wouldn’t let me. She’s Canadian and wants me here.
KP: What’s the longest time you’ve ever spent in the US?
JOLY: Well, for filming it was about two months, when I was doing the American Trigger Happy – which is just such a long story and such a disaster I’ll not go into it – but that’s when I kind of first got flown around lots of different places. Seattle and Miami and stuff.
KP: But that was flown around and not driving around, right?
JOLY: That was flying, yeah. My best drive time was basically when I was making World Shut Your Mouth for BBC1, and we kind of went Miami all the way to New Orleans and then across to Vegas up to Reno and then through the Joshua Trees and the Mojave desert into LA. That was the best road trip thing I’d done. And then in my year off between school and university I lived in Washington, DC for six months, so I kind of did a lot of traveling around there as well.
KP: Is this when you still thought you were going to pursue a political career?
JOLY: Yeah, that’s when my first career started. I started well. I was going off to work for some congressman – you know, the usual sort of political internship. And I ended up working in the women’s department of Banana Republic on M Street.
KP: So can you still fold a pair of Chinos?
JOLY: I can fold a pair of Chinos really well. That’s one thing America taught me. Actually, Banana Republic is one of my favorite reasons for visiting America. We just got one here. I love Banana Republic. It’s sort of posh Gap, so when you’re approaching 40, I can really start shopping there with pride.
KP: Have you bought your first Panama hat?
JOLY: No. Well, I’ve got a Panama hat because I’ve just been in Nicaragua and I thought it would be quite fun to do a sort of Graham Greene type thing. So I bought a Panama hat and went out there with it but I lost it after the first day. It was a bit rubbish. I don’t really like hats.
KP: Well, next time will be the pith helmet.
JOLY: Yeah, a pith helmet would be great. That’s actually become very fashionable in Africa at the moment. And it’s a sort of ironic, you know, anti-colonial thing. Sort of young hip Africans in Nigeria and Kenya, they all go nightclubbing in pith helmets, which I long to see.
KP: What is on your current hit list? Obviously you’ve been trying to hit just about everything…
JOLY: Yeah.
KP: What’s still on the to do list?
JOLY: Well, I kind of want to be Michael Palin, is what I’m aiming for at the moment. I mean, obviously, I haven’t managed Monty Python, but I saw him in the street the other day… because I’m doing a little travel journalism, and I think I’m about to drive from London to Sydney in a bus in September, which is kind of like a huge trip. So I’m really looking forward to it.
KP: There’s some watery bits that might be difficult.
JOLY: Not too many actually. You can do it all the way to… well, obviously the English channel is one, but we’ve got a tunnel. And then it’s over land all the way to East Timor, and then it’s just a ferry ride from East Timor to Australia. But otherwise, it’s all overland. Through Iran. Used to go through Iraq, but that’s kind of not an option right now.
KP: Well, it is if you want to be a little adventurous.
JOLY: Iran’s good enough, I think. Because you guys are about to nuke it anyway, so I’m just hoping that I can slip in before it goes.
KP: Well, we have a couple of months, hopefully.
JOLY: No, I think Bush will do it as a sort of farewell address. As he’s actually saying goodbye…
KP: What do you think; he’s going to bring the button out with him to the podium?
JOLY: Yeah, he’ll just say goodbye. But no, I saw Michael Palin in London about three weeks ago, and I was in a car and I saw him and it was quite a tight street, and the temptation to just pretend to sneeze and turn the car and smash into him and just think, “Right, that’s it, I’m ready now. I can take over.” But that’s kind of what I want to do. There are three things – I’m trying to do this, the travel journal, but try and do it in a kind of spoofy way, because there’s a big debate at the moment about how TV is all faked, and there’s been a lot of problems here in England.
KP: Oh yes, I’ve seen the columns…
JOLY: It’s insane. All TV is fake. Otherwise you’d watch cooking shows and you’d have to watch for 40 minutes while something cooks in the oven. It’s ridiculous. But the one area of TV they never talk about is travel journalism, which is just the most fake of all. You know, you only ever arrive at Sunset, and Michael Palin always does this thing where he’s kind of rushing and he has to get a train at 1:00 to take him to Egypt, otherwise he misses it. And he gets to the train just on time and then there’s a beautiful shot of the train leaving and you’re like, “Well, who’s filming that?” I just love all that sort of stuff, and it’s slightly this feeling that when you go abroad, everything is just amazing and like totally holy, and you can’t say, “This place stinks.” It’s really weird, but it’s not very real. So that’s kinda what I’m interested in.
KP: I always just assumed that they had really bad producers planning that timing out.
JOLY: I don’t know. I don’t know what they do. I’ve just been in Nicaragua where they said to me, “We found a volcano where everyone snowboards down. Would you be up for that?” And I’m like, “Well, I’m more of a skier really,” and they said, “Oh, don’t worry, we’ll ship some skis out.” I personally spent five hours trying to get the only pair of skis ever to be imported into Nicaragua, because they think it’s some cocaine, gringo smuggling thing. So I get the skis, we get all the way to this volcano, climb up it, and it turns out they don’t snowboard down it. It’s just, like, a couple of local idiots tobogganing, and they’re still cutting themselves up. And I’m standing at the top of this volcano in skis. So I tried it, and I went about three meters and then rolled down the whole thing. It was just unbelievable.
KP: You’re standing at the top of this volcano. You’re in skis. There’s no point where you can just say, “You know what? No.”…?
JOLY: Very weirdly, of all he things I’ve done, that was the one moment where I literally am standing on the edge and this camera’s there, and I just have a moment where… normally I’m just, like, I’m totally up for this. I just thought, “This is absolutely insane.” There’s been no health and safety, and I’ve seen this somewhere on telly before, in kind of “When TV Idiots Go Bad”, you know? And that was nearly the moment where I went, “You know what? Let’s forget this.” But I just… I don’t know. You just have to do it, really. I was pretty sure I wasn’t gonna die. And I thought, worst case scenario, if I break stuff it’ll be a good news story. So that was the only one where I really thought, “Hmm, maybe not.”
KP: But it’s got to be an awkward moment when you think, “You know what? I could be part of a clip show for years to come…”
JOLY: (laughing) I’m constantly part of a clip show. But yeah. Well, the worst thing was, just as we were climbing up this volcano, my guide – who, you know, assumes I’m an experienced volcano skier – is going, “Yeah, you know, you have seen this before on the television.” I go, “No, I haven’t.” They go, “There’s this really famous clip where this guy is on a mountain bike and tries to break the world’s bicycle record going down this particular slope. And he gets to 180 miles an hour in his mountain bike and the bike snaps and he’s in hospital for nine months,” and I’m like, “Oh really? That was here?” And he goes, “Yeah yeah yeah. Very funny. I was here.” And I go, “Oh good, good. Looking forward to that.”
KP: Well, I’m sure he had the tape to show you later.
JOLY: Yeah. (laughing)
KP: So, what’s your thought halfway down the mountain, as you’re careening?
JOLY: I’m thinking, “This is not what I was hoping, but it’s gonna make great television,” because it was so bad that I know it’s gonna be funny. But on the other hand, in my mind, I was hoping for a sort of heroic, beautiful ski down where everyone will be like, “Jesus Christ, he can really ski.” So, you know, it was good in the end because it’s kind of… the director came down and he was just thrilled, you know?
KP: Do you feel it’s sort of a bizarre thing when, in those kind of moments, you start thinking, “I hope this is good TV…”?
JOLY: Well, that’s all you’ve got left, really. That’s pretty much what goes through my mind almost all the time at work, is that I’m not really enjoying myself but I’m just thinking, “As long as it’s good TV, it’s good.” And you kinda know it is, so that’s alright. It’s when you’re doing something you hate, and you know it’s gonna be shit TV and it’s not even gonna make the final cut, that’s when it’s really depressing because you think, “There’s no need for me to be doing this.”
KP: Now is there any… not just a segment, but a project that you can describe as such that you just knew going in, “This is gonna be shit…”?
JOLY: I don’t know. No, I haven’t really taken… I mean, it’s funny; I did a chat show when I moved to the BBC after Trigger Happy. To me, it was really obvious that if someone had a hit show, what they tended to do was move to the BBC and then make a chat show with their name on it. A kind of Letterman thing. And just go on a huge ego trip. So, to me, it was really obvious when I moved to the BBC that I was gonna make a chat show called This Is Dom Joly, and it was kind of gonna be someone called Dom Joly – but it wasn’t me, because I was wearing glasses. And it thought that was a really obvious disguise, so everyone would know I was being ironic. And the idea was just have this terrible show where he just stumbles on and talks to bands in really crass questions, and asks shit questions. And I remember, as we were making it, I was talking to Sam and just saying, “You know, some people are really good and then they just make really shit shows. And I wonder whether they’re aware while they’re making it that it’s a turkey.” And Sam is like, “No, you’d definitely be aware.” And then we just got slated for this show – like slammed – saying, “Is this the worst chat show ever?” And part of me was thinking, “Well, that’s kind of what we wanted.” I wanted people to watch it and think, “I can’t believe how bad this is,” not realizing it’s real – because no one realized it wasn’t real and they just thought it was the worst show ever. So that was probably the worst thought through show ever. But I really enjoyed making it. It was kind of… I mean, I’m not going to say it’s in anywhere the same league, but the idea was a kind of – before Curb Your Enthusiasm – it was like it had video diaries of my life, and following me around demanding that, you know, when I’m selling my house that there was a celebrity premium on it and… I mean, all sorts of weird stuff and cameos, but it wasn’t nearly as well thought through as Curb Your Enthusiasm, which is total genius, but it was kind of in that vein.
KP: So what’s the current status of that? That hasn’t seen a DVD release, has it?
JOLY: No, that was never a DVD. That was on BBC3. It launched BBC3, and pretty much buried BBC3. There were two series of it. And I think it had moments of… probably some of my favorite moments, actually, but it was all about anti-television. I wanted to call it Dead Air, but they wouldn’t let me. And I should have called it Dead Air, because then they’d have understood it. Dead Air with Dom Joly. And the whole joke was gonna be that I start the whole series with me coming on and saying, “I’m at the BBC, I’ve made it,” and starting to sing a song called “Sympathy” from the 70s – that I loved – and then a light hits me on the head, and for the rest of the series I’m in concussion. That’s how it was gonna start, but they wouldn’t let me do that, so the whole show went on without the start so people didn’t realize I was supposed to concussed – they just thought, “Jesus, he’s an asshole.”
KP: Have there been discussions about a DVD release for it?
JOLY: Oh no, god, this was years ago. This is four years ago. I don’t think there’ll be a DVD of that. BBC was deeply embarrassed of it…
KP: Everything makes it to DVD eventually…
JOLY: Well, I hope it’ll make a DVD, because I think there are some really good bits. But I don’t know. The BBC hid it very well.
KP: I’m interested in the idea that – because obviously Trigger Happy started on Channel 4…
JOLY: Yeah…
KP: What did a move to the BBC represent? Because it seems odd to me – you would think there’d be more money outside the BBC, but all the big contracts and the big money seems to be at the BBC…
JOLY: Well, it was… there were two things. The reason I moved to the BBC was because I’d done a second series. I didn’t want to make any more. I wanted to kinda stop Trigger Happy when it was good. And Channel 4 said, “Oh, we really want you to do a Christmas special,” and I kind of said yes to that, but I still didn’t really want to make them. And then we did that and then I said, “Right, now I want to kinda do some other stuff.” And in hindsight I should have been smart and just said, “Look, I’ll do you a Trigger Happy every three years, but meanwhile let me do some other stuff.” But I was just like, “I don’t want to do another Trigger Happy,” and they were like, “We want you to do Trigger Happy,” and so I just was thinking, “Well, I don’t want to do Trigger Happy,” and suddenly someone from the Beeb turned up and took me out for lunch and said, “We’ll give you a three series deal and you can do what you like and we think you’re brilliant,” you know? Just total schmooze. And I was like, “Cool.” I mean, because I didn’t want to do Trigger Happy, but also there’s just something when you’re British about the BBC. It’s kind of… my mum doesn’t really understand what Channel 4 is, but BBC she’d understand. She’d be able to tell her friends, you know, “Yeah, he’s on the BBC.” It just sounds a bit more official. So it was kind of that, really, and I just thought, “Great, we’ll go to the BBC. It all sounds very exciting.” And then I got there and it’s just… it was like moving into the movie Brazil. It’s just this huge, huge bureaucratic organization where – when you arrive and you’re hot – everyone’s talking to you and everyone’s responsible for you, and then the moment things start to look bad, you just can’t speak to anyone. When I finally left the BBC I was there two years. My third series ended, and there was nothing. I just sat there in my office – which I’d had painted red – for two weeks, and nothing. No one heard, and I rang my agent and I said, “What’s going on? Are we meeting something?” He said, “I have no idea.” And in the end, I literally just… I had to just pack my stuff and… I mean, no one said anything. I could still be living there, I think. So I just went downstairs and I just thought, “This is a great paparazzi shot, with me just putting all my posters and occasional awards into the back of my car,” and I just slammed the boot and literally I just looked around and then I drove off. And then I’d forgotten something, and I came back the next day and I put my pass in the door and it didn’t work. It wouldn’t let me in. It was just extraordinary.
KP: Well, that’s good. At least they’re quite quick and responsive when you decide to leave.
JOLY: But that’s the point. I think they didn’t want to tell me to leave, but obviously someone said, “He’s gone, he’s gone,” and they switched it all off.
KP: It’d be great if the Joly Alert went up through the building.
JOLY: Yeah. It was a huge conga going around the building.
KP: So the last series for the BBC then was what, World Shut Your Mouth?
JOLY: That was World Shut Your Mouth – which again, I’d loved the chat show and I’d done two series of it, but I realized that no one had understood it and, you know, it probably was crap. I don’t know. I mean, I liked it, but so I thought, “Well, I’d better give them a banker, you know? So I said, “I’ll make basically a Trigger Happy type show, but I want to call it World Shut Your Mouth because I want it to be more global – because, basically, I just want to travel.” So it started the best joke, I think, in the history of television, as far as I’m concerned, for its sheer pointlessness. I wanted to start each show with me in front of one of the wonders of the world, and so I’m at the Taj Mahal and I’m standing there at dawn and it’s just beautiful and there’s just one other person, a real person there, and I’ll just walk up next to them and stand and we’ll both look at the Taj Mahal for a bit, and then I’ll go, “Ah, Taj Mahal.” And they would say, which they did, “Yeah, it’s just amazing, isn’t it?” And there’s a long pause and I just go, “That is shit.” And basically I managed to get the BBC to pay me – in one trip – to go to the Great Wall of China, the Taj Mahal, the Pyramids, the Grand Canyon, the Guggenheim, and the Coliseum. Two days in each place just so we could go and film me saying, “That’s shit.” And that was on the BBC license payer’s money. That was my greatest achievement in television. So I just thought, “You can’t fail with that.” It’s such a great beginning. And I thought World Shut Your Mouth, in a lot of ways, was stronger than Trigger Happy, actually. But it was BBC1, 10:30, prime time, and it got three and a half million every time, but it just – they didn’t want another series, and I don’t know why, actually. And it’s never been shown again. I still think that’s my favorite show.
KP: It also seemed that World Shut Your Mouth was subtler…
JOLY: It was more about… it was kinda the darker side of Trigger Happy. In hindsight, actually, World Shut Your Mouth should have been run on Channel 4, because it was more… slightly weirder. And Trigger Happy, which was much more kind of just big fluffy costumes and stuff, should have been the 6:00 in the evening, Saturday BBC1 show. But I’ve constantly done shows for the wrong channel – like Happy Hour, which I loved. But it was a kind of spoofy, weird travel show. It was definitely not Sky 1. They just thought, “Great, he’s doing something about alcohol.” But I did alcohol because Sky said, “We need you to do something that will interest the channel.” So I’m like, “Well, that’s tits or alcohol for you guys, so…” But anyway, one day I’ll get it right.
KP: You’re talking about moving Trigger Happy to film…
JOLY: Well, just we’re thinking of doing a Trigger Happy type project. I wouldn’t call it Trigger Happy. We’re going to call it War of the Flea. Which I just think is a great name. It’s the name of a book in the 50s, to describe guerilla insurgency and the fact that one flea scratching a dog does nothing, but if you have a thousand fleas scratching the dog it’s worse than the bite of a tiger. So it’s kind of the idea of this kind of irritant basically just popping up everywhere and annoying people.
KP: And the title will sell tickets in America…
JOLY: Do you think?
KP: (laughing)
JOLY: (laughing)
KP: You know what, you should put a 2 after it.
JOLY: Yeah, well, it had… That’s right. War of the Flea: It’s Back.
KP: Do you view TV as something that holds less interest for you at this point?
JOLY: No. I love TV. I have no interest in doing films. I mean, obviously if someone offered me a film I’d do it, but I’m not an actor or anything, so the only reason I’m thinking of doing a movie for Trigger Happy is that I’m very happy to do another Trigger Happy here but no one wants to do one. Channel 4 feels that they don’t ever go back to something. And because they own the name Trigger Happy, I can’t do that anywhere else. So I suddenly thought, “Well, actually, I’ve got loads of big ideas and stuff,” and so did Sam, so we thought, “Well, before we get too, old let’s make a big movie.” Because at the time when Trigger Happy happened, we were offered a huge movie deal and we said no because, to us, what happens when you make movies from TV stuff is kind of like that first Ali G film. It just was really watered down shit, and I just had this idea of sort of the big mobile guy would have a love interest. It would just be crap. So we were like, “No, no, no – we can’t do that.” And then, of course, the Jackass movie came out and it was just one huge Jackass episode. And we were like, “Fuck, we could have just done that.” Just a big Trigger Happy, you know? So that’s kind of what we’re doing with the idea we’re doing now, is we want to do a film which, you know, most movies normally have sort of two big set pieces, and our idea is this is just a movie with 100 big set pieces. That’s it. No story.
KP: Yeah, but I think that’s what movies are moving towards anyway. You might as well just push it over the edge…
JOLY: I just think movies are something that should be an hour and a half long and you go in and love it. And that’s it. The only reason these are movies rather than TV stuff is because they’re kind of bigger setups. They’re all kinda big crowd setups, so we want two-three hundred people in each scene. But you know, there’s no reason… I love television. I think television’s far more interesting to me than movies. I hardly ever go to the movies.
KP: Well, after you skirted around the disaster of the US Trigger Happy…
JOLY: Well, I haven’t skirted around it – I’m just too angry to ever think about it.
KP: I’ve read your statements in the past about it. You made the decision based on certain factors and you would have made it differently, but your decision was right at the time…
JOLY: Well, it’s basically that I’d finished doing Trigger Happy, and for that reason I’d gone to the BBC – and suddenly we get this offer from the States. And, in hindsight, I should have just said, “Great, I’ll go out there and we’ll make a show…” You know, as everyone else has. What Little Britain seems to be doing, and everyone did. But, you know, I just had a kid and I had a family and I didn’t want to go to the States, and also I just didn’t want to make more Trigger Happy at the time. I thought, “There’s loads of other things I’m going to be doing.” But then they came back and said, “Well, we’ll only make it if you’re in it, and you can sort of do a little bit of producing on it.” And I thought, “Well, that’ll be alright. I’ll go out and have a look at it,” and the guy I talked to from the production company at Comedy Central who had decided they were gonna make it seemed okay. And then the moment I got out there it was just like… I remember watching the first rushes of the stuff they’d made and it was like someone had made Trigger Happy on acid, really. I mean, it was just random music, and I met this asshole from Comedy Central who’d been brought in. And what I didn’t realize is while we were actually filming, they were literally sending the rushes to LA. They were assembling them and it was going out as we were speaking – whereas the understanding I’d had was we’d film it all and then I’d sit in the edit, which is where I’m good. The whole thing was unbelievable. And I remember them showing me the first episode they’d cut together, and it was… I mean, it was just… I just wanted to weep. It was in some studio in New York and there was just this long silence at the end and they go, “What do you think?” and I’m like, “That’s just awful.” I mean, it was kind of like… it was a joke. It was almost like someone had spoofed it. It was like, “Let’s get some shit fluffy costumes and random indie music and…” It was just awful. There were a couple of good ideas in it, but it was just terrible.
KP: Well, I remember watching it at the time going, “I can’t stand this.” And the sad thing was it turned me off ever investigating, until a year or two ago, the original Trigger Happy.
JOLY: Have you seen the original one with the original music?
KP: Yes. In fact the DVDs are sitting right over there.
JOLY: Good.
KP: And that’s another thing that I find quite remarkable, is sort of the care and attention you paid to choosing the music for the series.
JOLY: But Trigger Happy is quite funny if you strip it… I mean, it’s all about the edit. There’s a lot of stuff in there that’s pretty average. It’s kind of just filler stuff or visual stuff, but if you put the right music on, I mean, everything. We did it from the first idea to the delivery at Channel 4 – no one touched it. We just did it totally on our own, and that’s where comedy’s great, you know? If you really love what you’re doing. The moment you kind of get lazy or you hand it over to a committee, it’s fucked.
KP: The great thing about… you know, you can sit down with Trigger Happy and you can watch it, and it feels like a whole piece.
JOLY: Yeah.
KP: It doesn’t feel like somebody threw a bunch of clips together.
JOLY: Oh no, it’s not. But even the video is annoying, because actually the real works are the half hour shows. And we had to make a best of because we couldn’t afford to use all the music in the shows.
KP: Well, luckily the half hour shows are available on the internet.
JOLY: Oh, are they? Good. Yeah, the shows are the real ones that we spent time doing so everything’s paced and… you know.
KP: Now has that ever been a movement to readdress with Channel 4, in this age of “everything’s gotta be on DVD.” to actually do full releases of the episodes?
JOLY: Well no, not really. They’ve now got this thing – Channel 4 On Demand – so you can buy them all online. I think Channel 4 are more interested in selling them there than putting them on a DVD.
KP: Maybe you could do some kind of podcast commentaries that people can synch up with the copies of the half hour episodes.
JOLY: Yeah, I can’t remember. I think we did commentaries for the DVDs. We didn’t for the half hour shows. But the problem still is the music. To clear music is just so expensive, but it just doesn’t make it worthwhile for anyone financially, which is just so annoying.
KP: If someone were to present it to you, would you even think about doing another American show?
JOLY: I think I’d kind of do a… I think I’d do a sort of cross between a char… I think I’d have a couple of characters kind of arriving in the States. So I’d do a cross… it’d be like a sort of Trigger Happy, in the sense that it was meeting real people, but dressed as characters. And just kind of do a travel across the States, or some sort of road trip across the States. I don’t know, really. I still think I’d love to make a great hidden camera show in the States. It’s just there’s so much more that you can do out there than there is here. There’s just more variety of stuff from beach to snow to… just geography-wise, gives you ideas for jokes and stuff.
KP: I’ve also seen the Excellent Adventure documentary you did with your friend, Pete…
JOLY: Oh, I love that.
KP: It takes a certain person, a certain performer, to have a knack for doing a travel show and making travel interesting beyond just looking at the video…
JOLY: Well, that one we were particularly lucky though because it was quite… you know, the alcohol ones were just piss ups, but that one was quite moving for me. (laughing) Because that was going back to my roots, and also it’s just a place where people don’t think you go on holiday, Lebanon, so…
KP: Well, you know, when you talk about, you’re almost sounding dismissive of Happy Hour. Which I think is unfortunate, because travel shows… say the Michael Palin shows, Michael Palin shows are all about the grandeur of certain places…
JOLY: Yeah…
KP: Or the eccentricity of a place. In an almost caricatured form. I thought what was nice about what you did with Happy Hour was that you took it for what it was. You didn’t try and dumb it down and you didn’t try and gussy it up.
JOLY: Yeah, because when you travel – I mean, most of the time it’s shit and it’s uncomfortable, and you kind of remember the glossy bits when you come back. And that’s what I think people never do on travel shows. And, also, I love traveling, and I love being abroad, but I think people are kind of scared that if they say they don’t like somewhere that they’re being racist or something, and it’s just crazy. And, you know, why you can take the piss out of a Frenchman but you can’t out of an Indian is ridiculous.
KP: Or what you so wonderfully did with your handlers in various countries…
JOLY: Well, they were the… that was the real Happy Hour. That really taught me…well, this might be completely unethical… but it was, if you have anyone that can help you in a foreign language, it’s fantastic because you can give them any joke you want in the subtitle. It was just great.
KP: You’re also self-aware enough to play with the form…
JOLY: Yeah, but I’m a bit too much, sometimes. I kind of think, “Chill out, it’s all a bit too in-jokey.” But I just love that. I just love all the things like that.
KP: I mean, that’s why I would love to see you do sort of your tour of the US…
JOLY: Well, so would I, but I don’t know how I’d do it yet.
KP: How long have you been friends with Pete?
JOLY: Pete and I have been friends since we were… it’s so funny, actually, because everyone thought Pete was an actor, and he was a plant. The idea came… I don’t know if you’ve seen The Long Way Round, with Ewan McGregor and Charlie Borman…
KP: Yes.
JOLY: Sky kind of commissioned that show, our show, on the back of that, thinking, “Oh, we like celebrities traveling with their friends.” I would have chosen Pete anyway because, unfortunately, what we never got into… one of the series we were gonna start… because Pete actually lives in Newfoundland, of all things – because he married a Newfoundlander who’d been in Europe for only three weeks. He got her pregnant and then she basically just took him back to Newfoundland, and he’s been stuck there ever since. Which is the asshole of North America, although it’s quite a weird place to visit. So we were gonna kind of explain that Pete lived out there and is an artist. And because he’s English he’s about the only person that’s ever moved to Newfoundland rather than leaving. He’s kind of a local celebrity, and he’s now just won some art prize. But when they said, “Have you got a friend?” I just thought, “Well, actually Pete is exactly like Charlie Borman.” He’s a bit sort of dim and curly haired. But, of course, he turned out to be absolutely brilliant because we literally didn’t argue once all the way through. Because we are proper, proper close friends. So it was quite nice. I finally got a new catchphrase. People would just come up to me and say, “Up yours, tiger…” – which was really nice. Because we had a long discussion before the show that, for reasons I can’t even remember, we’d call each other “tiger”, and it all just sounded a bit gay, and I just said, “Look, we can’t honestly call each other ‘tiger’ on telly. It’s just gonna look really bad.” And he said, “Yeah, you’re quite right, tiger.” So I’m like, “Really, we can’t.” But after about two days, we just gave up. So I don’t know, it was a bit weird.
KP: What I love about Pete on Excellent Adventure is that – as that sort of perfect traveling companion – he wouldn’t question your decisions for long…
JOLY: Yeah… (laughing)
KP: After a certain point, it was just, “Oh, we may get shot? But you know what? Let’s do it.”
JOLY: Yeah yeah yeah. No, Pete’s wife was terrified. She was… because we were gonna do a Happy Hour… The only thing that’s ever been vetoed is we were gonna do a Happy Hour in Iran, because I just thought it’d be really funny to do a show about alcohol where you never, ever saw a drop of the stuff. But she absolutely refused to let them go to Iran, so we couldn’t do it. But, actually, I then went to Iran recently – skiing for a piece for the Observer – and I’ve never been more drunk in my life. Because they all make their own booze, basically, and they call it “pizza”. And they have a “pizza” guy who they ring up who comes along and delivers plastic bottles of moonshine, basically. I mean, Tehran is a… You know, it’s an alcoholic state.
KP: See, if only we’d send a copy of that piece to Bush…
JOLY: I know. He’d love it. Well, he’s given it up now. He’d probably bomb them anyway.
KP: Going back to Lebanon in Excellent Adventure, how would you describe the differences between now and what it was like when you were growing up in the early 70s?
JOLY: Not many, actually. I mean, the difference was that the center of Beirut has been rebuilt in this kind of mod colonial way. There’s a bit where we’re smoking hubbly bubblies and stuff in the middle of Beirut. That’s kind of the shopping center which has actually been built quite tastefully in what used to be the front line. And when I grew up – from 1935, onwards, I was on the Christian side. I wouldn’t have been able to go there because you couldn’t cross over the green line, which was the kind of demarcation zone. But really, it hasn’t changed that much at all. The Lebanese still refuse to accept they’re Lebanese. They all think they’re French and they all drive round in BMWs and they’re incredibly rich and there’s always… amongst all this rich stuff going on, there are kind of little pockets of incredible poverty, and it’s why Lebanon’s always screwed up is that it’s just this real divergence between the really rich and the really poor. There’s no medium ground. And occasionally people just get pissed off. And also, there’s a whole generation of people who have grown up sort of having power by having guns, and it’s very difficult to just have peace and suddenly say, “Right – you guys, piss off.” And they can’t. But it hasn’t changed that much. Apart from it’s been maybe a lot more overgrown and a bit more polluted, but it’s still one of the most beautiful countries in the world.
KP: You’ve been around Africa, as well…
JOLY: Yeah…
KP: How would you describe the feeling in countries where there’s still the lingering feeling of their colonial periods?
JOLY: I don’t know about the colonial period. I have this thing about totalitarian countries. One of my favorite books ever is by PJ O’Roarke, Holidays in Hell, and I kind of love the idea of going to places that are supposedly dangerous – or not a place to visit because, firstly, they’re about the last places in the world that you can visit that still are proper travel, in that there probably isn’t a Starbucks around the corner and things are actually… you’re actually experiencing things rather than just sort of following a whole lot of backpackers around. But I don’t know… I just think there are less and less places to go in the world that you can properly go to that are unspoiled, and that’s why I like going to those sort of places.
KP: Is there any place at this point that you wouldn’t go?
JOLY: That I wouldn’t go?
KP: Yes.
JOLY: Well… no. I mean, Iraq I wouldn’t go because I’d kind of be depressed to go, I think, but I wouldn’t have a problem going to Iraq. I really want to go to North Korea. That’s kind of my… top of my list. I’m off to Libya in a month.
KP: Well, you saw the speech. North Korea’s now a happy place.
JOLY: Yeah, and Bush just let some stuff over as well.
KP: We officially love North Korea now.
JOLY: Yeah, you’re now close friends. That’s good.
KP: We’re going to be sending over some video games…
JOLY: Excellent. That’ll help them.
KP: And a few packages of DVDs…
JOLY: And invade Cuba.
KP: Well, slowly but surely. I guess it looks like Cuba’s opening up now.
JOLY: I haven’t been to Cuba, and I really want to go to Cuba because the moment Castro actually dies, that’ll be it. It’ll be the invasion of the property developers. But, I mean, it’s already happening, but…
KP: Well, once you had the internet restrictions being dropped…
JOLY: Yeah. Actually, I’m quite interested in internet restrictions. Iran was very weird. When you go on… it was the first time I’d had proper internet restrictions. I went on Google and tried to find BBC News, and it’s just this really ominous sign comes up saying this access is denied to this website. And I’m off to Beijing for the Olympics. I’m writing for the Independent, and again they’ve had to… they’ve got a special area around the Olympic Village where, apparently, access to every site is fine. But if you go further away then you can’t get anything. It’s gonna be really fascinating.
KP: Theoretically, I would assume that they’re going to be using some kind of Wi-Fi within those areas…
JOLY: I think they have a special Wi-Fi. I don’t know. That’s why I’m fascinated. I have no idea how they’ll do it.
KP: So, I’m wondering if you’re gonna have people trying to steal that signal and boost it…
JOLY: That’s what I was thinking. I was thinking there’ll be a whole lot of kind of rebellious students coming nearer and nearer the Olympic Village and kind of sitting… piggy backing…
KP: Wearing those Wi-Fi boosting tee shirts.
JOLY: Yeah.
KP: When you were in Iran, did you encounter anyone who evaded the system? Because obviously there are ways to get around those internet blocks…
JOLY: Yeah.
KP: Through proxy sites and such.
JOLY: Yeah.
KP: Did you see that sort of information underground at work?
JOLY: Yeah… Yeah. Basically, how it works in Iran is that any sort of middle class intelligentsia or kind of students who are trying to rebel, they all hang around… it’s very kind of 1920s, because there aren’t any pubs or bars. They all hang out in coffee shops, so it’s very kind of coffee shop revolutionaries. And you kind of imagine coffee shops to be these beautiful old Oriental places, but actually they’re hideous little smoke filled chambers in shopping malls, and they all sit in there, and almost all the coffee shops have a secret Wi-Fi satellite dish that kind of gets stuff out of Iraq, weirdly, or Turkey. So yeah, people huddle in there and get it, and then if the religious police come round everyone kind of closes their laptops and smokes away. It’s totally surreal.
KP: So, do you think it’s just a game that’s being played with both sides knowing what’s going on?
JOLY: Oh, definitely. I mean, I went there skiing because, again, I’d seen a picture of a woman in full chador skiing, and I was like, “Where the hell’s that?” And it was Iran. So I went there, and until two years ago they segregated the whole mountain. It’s an hour from Tehran, and they put a big fence down the middle of the mountain, and the idea was that women skied on one side and men skied on the other side. But the problem was there were only male instructors. And so some of the women I’d met, who were very westernized, very bright Iranian girls about 30, they were all saying how they all had to change their name to male names and dress up as men, supposedly, to get ski lessons when they were kids. Everyone knew they were girls, but they kinda let it go. And even the segregation of the hill now they’ve given up because they said, “Mullahs can’t snowboard,” so all the religious police would just be at the bottom, and they can’t go up and check. It was just crazy. It is a kind of game, but it’s also… they all play the game and they know how to do it, but deep down, although it’s funny and probably quite fun, it’s deeply depressing that this kind of backward thing is running a country like that, because they’re amazing people.
KP: Do you feel sort of a tipping point in that attitude within the generation that you were encountering?
JOLY: Yeah. Well, the thing is now that travel is much… you know, in the old days, you couldn’t travel very much. And I think they were much more fighting it. But now if you really tip and you just get pissed off with it – Most of them go to university just outside LA or in Oslo, and so they kinda come back for the summer, these kind of middle class kids, and I think they can handle it for a couple of months because they see all their friends and they kinda live a different life. But I think for parents and people staying there it’s kinda just… they’re institutionalized.
KP: How would you compare that to… because obviously you’ve gone into some former war zones, like Nicaragua…
JOLY: Yeah…
KP: What was the feeling, then, going into those sort of locations where it’s not so much a cultural issue that’s kept the people at a certain level, but more the decades of conflict?
JOLY: Nicaragua was totally different in that it’s just a really unlucky country. It’s a huge earthquake zone. Managua was completely destroyed in 1972 by an earthquake and the dictator at the time, the US backed dictator Somoza, just didn’t bother to rebuild anything. So Managua is not really a city in a functioning sense. And then it’s got a line of active volcanoes which Nicaraguans seem to find it absolutely obligatory to build their cities on, and then they get wiped out, and then they build on it again, and you’re just like, “Why don’t you just *not* build it on volcanoes?” I don’t know if it’s to do with Latin machismo or whatever, but… and then, of course, they’ve had political unrest for about 60 years. But it seems to be coming out of that now, actually. They’ve been sort of peaceful for about 15 years and there’s really a feeling… I think Nicaragua’s going to be one of the kinda new places, because it’s pretty empty. It’s got some amazing cities. I went to their one beach resort called San Juan del Sur, and it’s where surfers have really discovered Nicaragua because it’s got an amazing surf. And the first night I was there I go to this little beachside restaurant and I go and sit down and I’m having a drink and there’s this American guy stumbling around on the beach completely drunk, and he’s got one shoe on and a sort of headlamp, and he’s like, “Where’s my shoe? Where’s my shoe?” We’re laughing at him, and after about ten minutes he comes in through the restaurant… and it was Matthew McConaughey. So that’s obviously where, you know – once he’s made a shit movie he thinks, “Great, I have two million. Let’s go and blow it in Nicaragua.” But he needs shoes.
KP: Well, once you’ve got Matthew McConaughey, that’s a sign that you’ve normalized as a country.
JOLY: That’s what I think. I think once McConaughey is surfing with you, things are looking up.
KP: Maybe we need to send him to Iran.
JOLY: I think he needs to go to Iraq first. And then quickly to Iran.
KP: We should just start a campaign to send Matthew in.
JOLY: With his goofy drawl.
KP: Shoe somewhere, just stumbling around…
JOLY: Yeah. Just sort of out in a good ol’ Texas way…
KP: Just so the people know they’ve got nothing to fear from Americans.
JOLY: (laughing) “Bush wouldn’t kill me!”
KP: “They sent McConaughey in and it’s all good.” So is there any place that you’ve actually felt for your safety?
JOLY: There’s a town near me in England called Swindon…
KP: (laughing)
JOLY: You joke, but actually it’s very weird. I’ve been to the most threatening places in the world, but I’ve never really felt threatened apart from an occasional roadblock where there’s a soldier with a jittery thing, but it’s kind of, you know, nothing’s really gonna happen. Whereas, honestly – I’m not joking – there’s just something unique about England. Any kind of small town, market town, after 10:00 in the evening… I’ve just been filming in a place called Weston-super-Mare, which is far from super, and it’s just one of those horrible, depressing English seaside towns that were probably quite cool in the Victorian times, but…
KP: The birthplace of John Cleese…
JOLY: In fact, you’re very right. That’s where he was born. But not his home. He left as soon as he could.
KP: Yes, like most people.
JOLY: And actually, he’s now in Santa Barbara, isn’t he? It was kind of like Santa Barbara, but just a lot worse. And so it was great. We were filming down there, and I’m filming a sort of golf DVD, and I’m dressed in old golf gear, and there’s like four of us and the crew – so it’s not a big production – and we’re in this kinda pedestrianized zone. No one around. And we’re just filming this little scene. The first guy just wanders into the take and he looks around and, in all seriousness, he goes, “Is this the new Indiana Jones movie?” But not as a joke. Like, he thinks this is the new Indiana Jones movie we’re filming. And then the sound man gets his boom taken by a cross-eyed man who’s going, “Is this a radioactive brush?” So we had to get out of town before the sun went down and it’s just… it’s a scary, scary place.
KP: On Swindon – is this the same Swindon you were taken to when you had your recent illness?
JOLY: Yeah, that’s right, actually. I had pneumonia.
KP: Rather bad case, it seems…
JOLY: Well. it wasn’t that bad. because bad cases you die.
KP: Well, when you have that as a demarcation for bad….
JOLY: It was weird, but they took me to hospital because they thought I had meningitis, so actually I was so relieved I didn’t have meningitis that pneumonia was kind of like a bonus. But it was great. I lost a stone and a half, so that was the plus side of it. And, actually, the people of Swindon didn’t kill me in their hospitals, which I thought they would. So it was all alright, actually. But no, that was a bit of a shock, actually.
KP: Well, after they read the article, then they realized that they should have killed you.
JOLY: Then they realized who they’d had, yeah.
KP: I hope you don’t get sick again.
JOLY: Yeah, so do I. Well, if I do I’m going to go Cheltenham. I’m always nice about Cheltenham.
KP: I’m sure you’ve already got a “Do Not Call Swindon” bracelet…
JOLY: Exactly, yeah. (laughing) I need that tattooed, like, with my blood group. “Do not resuscitate. Do not take to Swindon.”
KP: I was reading the comments you made last year in the lead up to the mayoral race in London…
JOLY: Yeah…
KP: And your thoughts on Ken Livingston and Boris Johnson. Do you still hold to those views on both of them?
JOLY: Well, the joy for me is I don’t live in London anymore. I’ve got a place there, but I don’t have to suffer all the stuff they do. I loathe Ken Livingston. I mean, I really do. Of all the people… I did him for Trigger. Weirdly, I did both him and Boris Johnson for Trigger Happy. Boris Johnson was just himself and kinda thought I was Ali G, and we couldn’t use it. But Ken Livingston was… actually, though, he behaved quite normally and said I should be arrested when I’d beaten up a gorilla behind him. He’s kind of held it ever since and he still gets angry occasionally on radio phone ins and calls me a cunt – which he did, which I was quite pleased with. But I just think he was… I really, really genuinely think he was very bad for London. I think he was very corrupt. I think there’s something about being a mayor where you’re kind of not really a politician and you just get very corrupt very quickly, and I’m very pleased he’s gone. I don’t know whether Boris Johnson will do anything good for London, but I think he’ll be entertaining, at least.
KP: You’ll have to check out the “Boris for President” website.
KP: Theoretically if he’s maintained a residence in New York, then yes.
JOLY: Unlike McCain, who was born in Panama, I think.
KP: Yes. So, you know, we could trade. We’ll send over John after November. Get him in as mayor of Swindon.
JOLY: I tell you what – Boris Johnson, president of the States, that would be fabulous. He wouldn’t even be able to find Iran to bomb it, but he’d find ancient Greece.
KP: Yes. “I’d like to tell you about the Romans…”
JOLY: Yeah…
KP: Are there any plans for a new series of The Complainers?
JOLY: I didn’t enjoy The Complainers. The problem with The Complainers – I know I grumble about every show I make – but with The Complainers, they came to me and it was a really good idea, because everyone’s grumbling in Britain at the moment, saying it’s shit. And it kind of is. And they were like, “It’s called The Complainers, and basically the idea is we just get all the things that annoy people and we go out and get a bit of revenge.” And I thought, “That’s brilliant.” So I said yes to it. And then when I got there, we just waited for two months because Channel 5 seems to change whoever’s in charge of it every three months, and so whoever had commissioned this had gone, and the new person came in, looked at it, and said, “No no no, we don’t want a comedy. We want a serious investigative show.” And so half of us were being pushed to do… literally trying to bring the government down, and the other half just wanted to go and hit traffic wardens. And it kinda ended up… the best thing someone said about it is it was like Michael Moore in Northamptonshire.
KP: It was like TV Nation in the UK…
JOLY: Yeah, well, I loved TV Nation. I thought it was amazing. But TV Nation – at times, Michael Moore really annoyed me, but at least it had a real focus. And the problem with this show was like, they did all the hidden camera stuff and didn’t even involve me. I’m like, “Hello? Isn’t that what I should be doing, more than these weird kinda long stories?” Everything we should have done should have been about things we were complaining about – and actually a lot of them, I just thought, “No one’s complaining about that.” So I think Tuesday I’m gonna get the new series commissioned, and I’m producing it this time. And basically it’s just gonna be really simple. It’s just we’re gonna take a kinda poll of the hundred things that annoy people the most, and then we’re either gonna try and deal with them or get revenge. And it’s gonna be that simple. And I think it’ll be really good. Because despite itself, it did really well. Because I think people just like the idea of complainers. I just thought it was a bit of a confused show, and it’s gonna be much more focused next time.
KP: I think people just like the idea of you doing work.
JOLY: Yeah, well, so does my wife. (laughing)
KP: How often do you get presented projects that you turn down flat?
JOLY: Every day. The Complainers is the very first thing that I was ever proposed that wasn’t mine that I did, and I was very pissed off for that – because I am a control freak to an extent, but because I genuinely care about what I make. I really don’t want to just make stuff for the money. So it did really annoy me, because it was so obvious how it should have been made, and it wasn’t. So that’s why I’m doing a second one, because it’s very rare you get the opportunity to look at something and think, “That was shit,” and then get given a second chance to repair it, which is what we’re doing on this. So I’m quite excited about it, actually, as it’s really clear. But I get offered all sorts of things. Mostly weight related. I just got one yesterday. I got offered the role of the young Pavarotti about a year ago. Offered the role of the young Harry Secombe. And what did I get yesterday? Some big BBC1 primetime show called 10 Things You Didn’t Know – and this was all about weight loss. So it’s like, “Look, fuck off. Go and ask Gervais.” (laughing) “I had pneumonia. That’s how I lose weight.”
KP: You’ll be playing Santa Claus before you know it.
JOLY: Yeah, I know! (laughing)
KP: Besides being overweight, what do you feel is the perception that people have of a “Dom Joly project”?
JOLY: What, of me?
KP: Yeah.
JOLY: I think loud and shouty is the main thing. Which actually is the one thing I’m really not. I mean, I am on camera, but I’m not really that loud and shouty. I used to be really loud and shouty, but there’s a weird thing about becoming successful or well known or whatever, is that I kinda felt I had less to prove. So when I go places I don’t… in the old days I’d kinda walk in and, “Hello, it’s me,” and just sort of try and impose myself, and now I don’t need to do that. So I find it very relaxing. So someone’s like, “Oh look, it’s Dom Joly.” They either hate me or like me, but there’s nothing much I can do about it. I don’t know what they think. Genuinely, I hope that the one thing… I think a lot of people think, “Oh, we thought he was going to be, like, really really huge after Trigger Happy,” and I wasn’t, and I think some people think, “Oh god, he fucked it up.” Whereas the majority of people I meet seem to get the fact that I’ve never yet done anything for the money, and I haven’t sold out. Whatever sold out means. Not that I’ve had some great artistic credibility, but I think I’ve done everything that I’m proud of, so far. I’ve never done anything for the wrong reasons. And that’s been a problem, really, because I think it stopped me from doing lots of stuff, but at least I’ve never done anything really bad yet.
KP: Is there anything that you can look back on and think, “Well, you know, I really should have done that…”?
JOLY: Well, there’s one thing I did fuck up on. I got called by… I mean, I’m not an actor, but I got called by Danny Boyle in the middle of Trigger Happy, and he was casting for 28 Days Later. And he said he was a huge fan, could I come in, and I said, “I’m just not an actor.” And he said, “Well, yeah, but I want you to play this part. It’s the baddie. I think you can do it.” And I said, “Well, I know I can do it. Look at Trigger Happy. You know I can do it. But if I have to come in and audition, I’m gonna be shit. I’ve never auditioned in my life.” He said, “No no, you don’t have to audition, but just come in and meet the producer and the writer.” So, of course, I went in and they made me read a piece out, and I was just awful. You can see Danny Boyle just, like, totally embarrassed, and then sent me a letter saying, “I know you could have done it, but they weren’t so sure.” So that was my big movie break that could have happened. So I’m not really interested in doing other people’s lines, that’s the point. What really I get off on is kind of having to think on the spot. That’s what I really, really get excited by. And that’s what Trigger Happy was all about. It’s just walking up to someone and just thinking, “Right, how can I make this into a funny, controlled situation,” and I get a real buzz out of that adrenaline. But I don’t think I would out of just reading someone else’s lines.
KP: So what would it take for you to do a scripted piece?
JOLY: For there not really to be a script. I mean, my dream piece would be Curb Your Enthusiasm, because I kind of think they worked a bit like I do – but obviously far more successfully, in that they probably have a page written out of what they need to get out of this scene and where it’s going, and you all kind of understand the characters, and then you riff and make it better and better and sound naturalistic. That’s what I’m really into. Or the kind of Spinal Tap type approach to stuff.
KP: Well, hopefully you’d do a better job at it than Jack Dee did…
JOLY: What, Lead Balloon?
KP: Yes.
JOLY: I’ve never seen Lead Balloon, actually.
KP: It’s…
JOLY: Is it terrible?
KP: The awkwardness of it is that it just such… it fails to capture what Curb is, but it’s so desperate to be Curb.
JOLY: Yeah, that’s what I felt. That’s why I didn’t really want to watch it. Because either it was gonna be so good I’d be bitter, or it was so bad I’d be upset. There was gonna be no medium ground.
KP: You can see the strain of them trying to get it right.
JOLY: The thing about Curb is that, what I’ve learned, is that it works because everyone’s having fun in it, I think, and it kinda just feels… you know it’s good. They’re making each other laugh. Whereas the sort of… I haven’t seen Lead Balloon, but the things that attempt to be Curb are… they’re almost like students of it, and it’s like, “Just forget the studies. Just try and have fun and make each other laugh.” That’s what it’s about.
KP: It sort of reminded me of the sort of vibe I got off of the show Nighty Night…
JOLY: (laughing)
KP: Which was just so relentless in its depressive nature that you get to a point where you go, “I’m tired.”
JOLY: Well, it was kinda like Chris Morris in The Last Jam. It was like, “Okay, any humor is pretty much gone now. This is deeply, deeply upsetting.”
KP: Now you’re just acting out…
JOLY: You’re just acting out in group therapy.
KP: How do you feel about the article writing that you’ve been doing over the past few years? How does that fit into how you view your career…
JOLY: Well, I’ve never written anything for television or radio or… you know, I’ve never written anything I’ve done on television. It’s all made up, literally, on the spot. And yet I love writing. It’s the one thing that Trigger Happy kind of did, was open doors for me and allowed me to… you know, someone offered me a column and I kinda thought, “I know I’ve got this column because I’m on telly, but they’re not gonna keep me unless I can write.” And I’ve been writing it for seven years now, for the Independent on Sunday. It’s kinda weird. It’s like this weekly diary. And it’s great. I find it totally liberating. I can write about anything I want. So I can write about, “I’ve been in Nicaragua,” or I can write about the man who breeds 50 foot chickens next to me. It’s kind of totally what I want it to be. And then I’ve done more and more travel writing, which I love doing. I just love writing, because it means I can do it from anywhere in the world. I can be at home, see my kids, and I really enjoy writing. I can really escape in it. And then I do a spoof column whose name I can’t reveal because no one’s guessed it yet, but I’ve been doing it for two years for the Independent. And that’s really good fun once a week, and that really winds people up. That’s my favorite column.
KP: Have there been any discussions to do a book collection of the travel pieces?
JOLY: I’m just about to sign a book deal, actually. I just got a new agent and we’re just talking about next week, and I’m going to do a book called Totalitarian Tourism, which is basically gonna be my attempt to do Holidays in Hell – which is still the greatest book ever. So I’m just gonna go to six or seven… I mean, my dream TV show’s already been made, which is Holidays in the Axis of Evil, but it was done by someone with no talent, sadly, so it was really dull. And I just think, “How can you fuck that up?” It would just be so much fun.
KP: Why do you feel you can’t do it now?
JOLY: Well, just because it was such a good name and Britain’s such a tiny place, so they kinda think, “Oh, that’s been done.” “But it was done really badly..” And they’re like, “No, it’s been done.”
KP: But why this sort of parochial feel that, you know, you’re only shooting for the UK? Why not look at a broader audience?
JOLY: Because I don’t know anyone anywhere else. (laughing) You know, I live in the Cotswolds. I don’t really take many meetings in LA. I’m longing to do something like that, but I’m genuinely… I’m just a bit… I’m not lazy, I’m just… I don’t know what the word is. I just need someone to ring me up and say, “Do it,” and if I love it it’s like, “Fantastic, let’s do it.”
KP: So that’s all it takes, right?
JOLY: Really, genuinely. I think the most common question to me is, like, “How can you do all this stuff when you’re so busy?” I’m on Facebook a lot. And, like, “How can he do this when he’s so busy?” Like, “Yeah, I’m real busy.” I mean, the whole reason I do my job is so I’m not that busy. Because I do it… you know, I wrote two columns this morning and that’s it. I’m going to watch Wimbledon this afternoon.
KP: So, really, that’s all it would take – a phone call.
JOLY: Yeah.
KP: So let’s say if someone were to get off the phone doing an interview with you, make a few phone calls, get some people interested in talking to you about getting a project going, that’s all it would take for you.
JOLY: That’s all it would take.
KP: Let me write this down. So, are we making a gentleman’s bet on this?
JOLY: Honestly, it’s very weird because I get asked this quite a lot, and I sort of joke about it and I think, “I don’t know. I’ve always waited for someone just to ring me up and say it, but it just never happens. What would I do? Do I go to LA and I wander around with a sign saying, ‘I want to make TV?’” I’ve no idea how you do it. But the problem is no one’s ever known my work in the States because the American Trigger Happy had crap music and then, of course, the American Trigger Happy itself pretty much killed it all off.
KP: Well, I can tell you – I’ve never been to the UK, and I know your work…
JOLY: Well, that’s good. If you could just have another one, we could have a club. You’ve never been to the UK?
KP: I have never been to the UK.
JOLY: You’re slightly obsessed with English comedy. You know Nighty Night. It’s very impressive.
KP: I have a lot of friends in the UK. And it’s not terribly cost effective to travel to the UK at this point.
JOLY: No. Or much fun, actually.
KP: Well, I’m afraid I’d get knifed.
JOLY: Well, you would. Trust me.
KP: It seems like… what has it been, the past couple of years?… Where all of a sudden it seems that crime is taking this tremendous spiral upwards in the UK?
JOLY: It’s only going to spiral upwards, and I think knife culture has become much more prevalent. But, actually, it’s always been like that. I was just reading a paper… it’s not that I read old papers, but I was reading a paper from 1968, and there were huge problems with razor gangs in Glasgow. So it’s kind of a fad thing. But actually, Happy Hour nearly made a serious point – I stopped it quickly – but it is very odd that in of all the places in the world we went where people got drunk to the extent of death, in Russia and Germany and Mexico and everywhere, there was nowhere where I couldn’t just wander out at 11 at night in a city and I’d just feel completely fine. I mean, possibly – you walk into a dodgy area, you might be worried about a mugger. But, I mean, not really. Whereas England, genuinely – in the five towns within ten miles of where I am, I would feel really nervous at 10:00 at night, because someone would definitely come up to me… not just because I’m me on the telly, but to just say, “You looking at me?” and then just start a fight. There’s something very inherent… we like fighting in England. And I don’t. So that’s why I’d like to come to the States. I don’t want to fight.
KP: Do you think that fighting is alcohol created, or just a natural state that the alcohol brings out?
JOLY: I think there’s probably something a little bit natural within us. Is it because we’re an island? I don’t know… And feeling like, “Oh, no one’s ever beaten us…” although everyone actually has, but we just don’t realize it. And definitely alcohol fueled… we definitely drink… we just can’t handle our drink. We drink to get drunk, rather than drink to have fun.
KP: It was touched upon in The Complainers, the sort of British reserve…
JOLY: Yeah. But it’s definitely reserve. My theory behind being drunk is that we’re so kind of nervous and socially inadequate, that it’s about skin contact. If you get drunk, you either fight someone and you touch skin or you get a shag if you’re lucky. Either way, it’s the only way we can kinda make contact with people.
KP: So you’d say that, 11:00 at night, you feel safer on the street in New York City than a street of London?
JOLY: Oh, New York City? Piece of piss. I feel safer in the streets of Tehran or Managua or even Baghdad than 11:00… London’s actually really not too bad because it’s so big. But somewhere like Swindon or Oxford or any kind of small place – you know, kinda market town where there’s nothing for people to do, so they all just hang out round the kebab stand at midnight and then just all fight each other…
KP: Where are the smaller “safe haven” areas? You moved out of London. You’re obviously not living in Swindon…
JOLY: No, I’m in the Cotswolds, so I’m kind of in the middle of nowhere.
KP: So you’ve essentially moved out to the rural area.
JOLY: Yeah. I’ve done my sort of New England move. My Connecticut move – except without the huge house. And without the lovely flat in Manhattan.
KP: So if you were to choose a foreign location to live, lets say for a year, where would you live?
JOLY: San Francisco.
KP: On the hill?
JOLY: Yeah. Well, I’d have a little Vesper, but I love love love San Francisco. I love north California. I’d probably live in Oregon, actually, if I had a choice. I haven’t been there yet, so I can’t quite say that with conviction. But there’s something I find amazing about crossing the bridge in San Francisco and going up Highway 1. I just was absolutely… I’d be very happy there. Also I’m off to Canada, because I married a Canadian. I’d never have gone to Canada otherwise. And I’ve got a place on Lake Muskoka, which is three hours north or Toronto. It’s kind of the Canadian’s version of the Hamptons, but it’s a bit shit. But I love that. And there are no English at all, which is the best thing. Basically, I tend not to travel anywhere where there’s a direct flight from England. I know there’s one from Toronto, but…
KP: But you’re getting awfully close to the Quebecois…
JOLY: Well, actually, I love the Quebecois. I did a piece on Quebec City last year, and I think Quebec City is the most underrated city in North America. I mean, it’s absolutely beautiful. It’s very European. You don’t need to visit Disney if you don’t want to go to Europe – you can go there. And the food is just astonishing. It’s kind of like nice French.
KP: But you speak French…
JOLY: Yeah, but that’s nothing to do with Quebec, trust me.
KP: There’s still a bridge. If you speak no French…
JOLY: Honestly, most Quebecois you meet… I mean, I have better conversations with my dog. I mean really, it’s such extraordinary French. It sounds like a man’s being strangled. But yeah, it does help a bit.
KP: I spent some time in Montreal, and it was the most dismissive atmosphere towards anyone who did not live there and speak French.
JOLY: I like Montreal less, actually. Everyone seems to like Montreal. I find Montreal a bit too American, really. I mean, you know, you go there for something different, and it’s kind of wanting to be American. But no, I really like them – but I agree that speaking French does help. They kind of accept you a bit more.
KP: So, besides Swindon, what’s the one place that you would never want to spend time in?
JOLY: Well, I’ve just been there, weirdly, this weekend, and I’ve just written my column about it. Weston-super-Mare.
KP: So it is Weston-super-Mare.
JOLY: I think Weston-super-Mare is the single most depressing place I’ve visited. Weston-super-Mare or Coventry. But Coventry has the excuse that the Germans leveled it in the Second World War with the firebombs. So at least they have some sort of excuse – whereas Weston-super-Mare was completely untouched, and it’s just the land that time forgot.
KP: Is it the people? The atmosphere? What is it that…
JOLY: It’s just this… there’s something about what we do to seaside towns. Because we build big seaside towns, and then we forget that our weather’s rubbish – so no one’s ever gonna go to the sea. And so it just ends up sort of horrible penny arcades and it stinks of urine and there’s depressed donkeys. It’s kind of like Coney Island but times ten. And it’s just everything’s peeling and faded and it’s all empty, and the people are all cross-eyed. I mean, it’s really no joke. It’s just there’s something very very odd about it.
KP: So, never gonna go back?
JOLY: I will never go back to Weston-super-Mare, no. There are many other ugly places to visit.
KP: So are you ready for them to burn you in effigy?
JOLY: (laughing) Well, I wrote… I got in a lot of trouble over Swindon, and I’ve just written an even worse column which is coming out this Sunday about Weston-super-Mare, so I’m pretty sure there’ll be a huge wicker man of me burning by Sunday night.
KP: So at what point are you just gonna have to move? Because you’ve pretty much trashed every place in the UK…
JOLY: Well, I think that’s my plan, actually. I wrote a golf book last year because I realized I was starting to play golf, and I was so rude about everybody that they don’t really let me play anywhere now – so that’s kind of got me off golf, which is good. So I’m just hoping soon that the government will actually pay for me to leave, and then I can go and live somewhere nice and hot.
KP: So your preference is the Pacific rather than the Atlantic…
JOLY: Well, I’m really selfish. I’d live in four places. I’d probably have a little place in Morocco, San Francisco, and have a place in Muskoka – I absolutely love that. And then… I don’t know. Somewhere hot. But I don’t know where, really.
KP: Now, if things stabilized, would you spend any significant time back in Lebanon?
JOLY: No. My family’s there. And I hate them. My sister runs the family company that I was supposed to take over and… you know.
KP: We didn’t see much of that in your Excellent Adventure…
JOLY: Well, that was the… if only you knew the weirdness of that. My sister refused to be filmed, as did my father – as did my whole family, basically. So when I went out there, there was a fantastic bit where we’re filming at this seaside restaurant where I’m trying to give them my photograph, and I went there because that’s where we’d always go every Sunday. And suddenly my entire family turned out without knowing I’m there. There, sitting at the next door table to me, is my dad who I haven’t spoken to for about 10 years, my sister who’s taken my rightful job and who I don’t really get on with, and various other people. And the director’s going, “So these are your family?” I go, “Yeah.” They go, “So can we film them?” I go, “Unfortunately not.” So we’re having this totally weird conversation with me and Pete, with all my family listening in, and the one interesting thing in the whole country and we can’t film it – because it would have made incredibly awkward TV.
KP: I’m assuming there was a nice conversation after that bit of filming?
JOLY: No. It was pretty awkward. I mean, they don’t really understand what I do at all. They don’t really see TV as a career. They think it’s a sort of punishment. I think they have no clue. I don’t think they’ve ever seen a program I’ve made.
KP: On purpose?
JOLY: Probably. Well, they don’t watch TV. They kind of live in the 1950s, really.
KP: Are they big Mr. Bean fans?
JOLY: I think they probably are. I think they probably think that he’s the height of sophistication, actually.
KP: I think, at this point, you’re just going to have to work with Rowan Atkinson.
JOLY: (laughing)
KP: Just to get known outside the country.
JOLY: Yeah, I know. I’m gonna have to bite the bullet. It got worse last week when I was filming this golf DVD. Some woman came up to me and goes, “I don’t know who you are, but my daughter says you’re the new Benny Hill.” And I’m like, “Oh fuck that.” Then I looked at his DVD sales and I was alright.
KP: So what is the golf DVD that you’re doing?
JOLY: Oh please. It’s just another low in my career. It’s Dom Joly’s Golfing Goofs and Gaffes.
KP: Oh really.
JOLY: That’s the stage I’ve got to.
KP: Was this your idea?
JOLY: No, someone came to me. And actually, I did have lots of good ideas for golf. So I just thought, “All I have to do is do some stuff in between clips.” And I had a lot of hidden camera golf gags that I never used, so I just did those. They were great fun.
KP: So this is obviously a direct to DVD.
JOLY: Christmas special.
KP: Is this going to be the big sell at Tesco this year?
JOLY: Do you know what? It just might. Because I’d laugh at these things every year. And actually, I did a spoof documentary of what my life was going to be like, called Being Dom Joly, which was kind of eight years ago. And in it, one of the big jokes was that I was gonna end up on the celebrity charity golf circuit playing with Ronnie Corbett – and there I was making Dom Joly’s Golfing Goofs and Gaffes just thinking, “Fucking hell. What happened?”
KP: And no Ronnie Corbett.
JOLY: And no Ronnie Corbett. He couldn’t be bothered.(laughing)
KP: Well, maybe you need to be a little more discriminatory when these things come in.
JOLY: That’s one of the few things I’ve done because I needed to pay some school fees. But actually, I did it because I thought it was gonna be funny, and it was funny. So I’m not embarrassed by it, because it is funny. It is a sell through, but I’m very pleased with the stuff we filmed, so it’s alright. And I got to visit Weston-super-Mare. So, really…
KP: It’s kind of like an investigative recce…
JOLY: Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it.
KP: Now you’re knocking it in print.
JOLY: Yeah.
KP: So you got a second series of The Complainers coming up…
JOLY: Yeah.
KP: You have the golf video…
JOLY: Yeah. DVD.
KP: DVD, sorry. Is that what the producer told you to keep saying?
JOLY: Yeah, he’s here right now he’s got his hand up my arse.
KP: So what else is on the agenda for this year? Obviously the columns are still ongoing…
JOLY: I’ve got my columns ongoing. I’ve got a possible show, which I’m just waiting to hear about, which is driving from London to Sydney. It’s going to take 92 days, which is gonna be kinda cool. And then I’m writing a book – written by my fictional character in the Independent – which is hopefully gonna be the next Bridget Jones, because he now takes Bridget Jones’s place there. And I don’t know… That’s about it, really.
KP: And you’re doing a podcast for Cobra beer?
JOLY: Yeah. You got me.
KP: It almost sounds like you’re trying to ignore the fact that you’re doing a podcast for Cobra beer.
JOLY: No no, I’m very proud of that.
KP: Is the travel challenge podcast over and done with now?
JOLY: Well, that was just a one-off thing for the Sunday Times. And again, it was just one of those very weird things where they said, “We’ll fly you around the world and do these exciting things.” But I just thought, “Really, how exciting is it listening to a man canoeing?” But they paid me and it meant travel and doing really weird things, but I always thought that was one thing that really didn’t lend itself to a podcast. But I thought, “Well, they must know better than me…” And they didn’t, actually. We’re supposed to do another lot this year, but they’re going to make them vodcasts now, where they video them as well. So you just think, “Well, in the end, doesn’t that just become a really cheap TV program?”
KP: And the answer is “Yes,” and you’re doing it rather cheaply.
JOLY: Yeah.
KP: They finally found a way to get you cheap.
JOLY: Yeah. And I’m not dumb. Basically, I’ll do anything if it’s something I want to do. Most of the things I do I just sit there thinking, “God, if only they knew I’d pay them to do this.”
KP: So what is the status of… I noticed your website hasn’t exactly been updated…
JOLY: Well, I never did a website. Someone set it up for me. I’m just too… I couldn’t work out how to upload anything or anything, so I’ve become obsessed with Facebook. So everything I do is on my Facebook page. All my photos are up there, all my columns go up, and I change my status every day. But unfortunately, I’ve just reached a huge problem – I’ve reached 5,000 friends, and that’s the limit on Facebook. So I don’t really know what to do now.
KP: I guess now you’re going to actually set up a website.
JOLY: Yeah. I can’t, though. Facebook’s so easy. I can just… if I’m on the train I can do it. I’m really good. I’m on it every day. I reply to stuff. I’m really accessible, and that and it works for me. I can put all my photos up, all this stuff. But I don’t know what I’m gonna do now. I’ve never been very good with that sort of thing.
KP: Do you have any plans to do your own personal podcast?
JOLY: I was thinking about it, because that’s one of the reasons I did this Cobra thing was because I know Danny Wallace really well and he does a radio show, and his podcast was doing really well, and he asked me to do it, and I thought, “Well, I’ve never done this before, so I might as well have a look at it.” And actually, it really doesn’t seem very complicated. So yeah, I am thinking about it.
KP: Well, you’ll have to let us know, so we can actually let people outside the UK know that you’re doing these things.
JOLY: Yeah, you know, I’m not very keen on that, though. (laughing) I don’t trust foreigners.
KP: I can tell. I’ve seen your programs.
JOLY: (laughing)
KP: It’s a healthy distrust, though.
JOLY: Yeah.
KP: So when is your next trip to the US?
JOLY: Next trip to the US? I don’t know. Well, I do. I’m going to Canada on July the 7th for a month, and then I’m going straight from Canada to Beijing for the Olympics, and then I come back here for a week, and then I’m going to LA for a week to have an extraordinarily huge amount of meetings with financiers for this Trigger Happy type film.
KP: What would you do if someone came to you with a scripted piece?
JOLY: I would look at it and get very excited and show it to my friends in the village and say, “Look – this is from America. They want me.” I don’t know. I honestly would love someone to suggest something that they thought I’d be good at, because I’m just a bit lazy. But very excited…
KP: Well, it’s certainly been a pleasure speaking with you. And I intend to win the bet. Did we actually make the bet yet?
JOLY: (laughing) Listen, anything that gets me out of the house and away from Swindon.
KP: Weston-super-Mare’s going to come after you.
JOLY: (laughing) Yeah, that’s what it will be called – The Dom Joly Weston-super-Mare Show! (laughing)
KP: I’m writing that down.
JOLY: Yeah! Where are you based?
KP: I’m in North Carolina.
JOLY: Ah, there we go, I knew it. I knew there was an edge to your “always going to the same places” type conversation.
KP: Well…
JOLY: I was nearly with you. I was in South Carolina.
KP: That was close, but it’s not quite the sort of void of North Carolina.
JOLY: Yeah, but it’s not bad. Come on. I made the effort. How many other comedians are doing that?
KP: It’s not Weston-super-Mare, I’ll grant you, but…
JOLY: (laughing)
KP: Now I’m going to have to do a sort of cultural exchange and experience Weston-super-Mare for myself.
JOLY: That would be fantastic. I’ll get my moonshine guys to do a house swap with people in Weston-super-Mare.
KP: That’s what you should do…
JOLY: That’s a great show, actually. There it is – Hillbilly House Swap.
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We here at Quick Stop Entertainment are true lovers of music, in all its forms. We’re also quite keen on the spirit of competition, and of spurring creativity through said competition.
To that end, we’ve launched a brand new form of creative combat here at the Stop.
In this age of manufactured and painfully earnest talent contests, we’ve decided to instead shine a light on the quirky, quixotic underworld of musicians that don’t get nearly the attention they deserve.
Ah, but I did mention that there was a competition involved…
A few weeks back, we sent out the call for challengers. Hundreds of you heard the call and fought for a chance to be in the initial group. 20 were selected. Only 19 responded in time.
Like a songwriting version of Iron Chef, the challengers were presented with a very specific songwriting challenge. They were given one week to complete their songs – however they saw fit, within the parameters set forth below…
ROUND 1 CHALLENGE
You must do a song in the style of a classic television show. Not only that, but this song is the theme for a fictional television show about yourself (or your band). By “classic television show” theme song, we mean the type of themes found in shows from the 1960’s – 1980’s (ie Gilligan’s Island, Cheers, The Fall Guy, Diff’rent Strokes, Welcome Back Kotter, Greatest American Hero, Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, The Facts Of Life, Green Acres, Gimme A Break, The Monkees, etc.). Your theme song must include both lyrics and music. It must run no shorter than 30 seconds, and no longer than one (1) minute.
When all was said and done, only 16 of the 19 Challengers were able to send in the songs in time. You voted HERE. The TOP 7 vote getters then moved on to Round 2. Here’s the challenge given to our 7 Semi-Finalists…
ROUND 2 CHALLENGE
Here’s where we step things up a notch. Your challenge is to write a song that utilizes a repeatingsyllable (ex: la, na, doo, etc.). The syllable must repeat at least 5 times in a row (ex: la la la la la). The resulting “repeated syllable” phrase can appear anywhere in your song, but must be repeated in full at least 3 times within the song. Also, this challenge includes a thematic element. Your song must feature a conflict between two (2) elements, provided below.You must choose one (1) element from COLUMN A and one (1) element from COLUMN B.
COLUMN A
—————
Santa Claus
Miami Dolphins
Stephen Hawking
A Beach Towel
High School Physics
Albania
The Color Orange
A Toothpick Factory
Marc Singer
Hydroponics
———————————————————————–
COLUMN B
—————
Dracula
Linux
Pudding
Coupons
Scabies
Cosplayers
Your Kindergarten Teacher (must be named)
Albert Camus
Non-Alcoholic Lager
Doc Hammer
Your song must be at least 1m45s in length. Finally, your song must be an ORIGINAL CREATION, both music and lyrics, and can not utilize or sample a preexisting work.
You also voted on the contributions of our three Masters, eliminating one. Two Masters remained, and they were presented a special challenge of their own. Their entries were also be voted on by you, the readers. The winner of the Masters Challenge is the one who duels with the winning Challenger.
ROUND 2 MASTERS CHALLENGE
The following challenge applies to our Masters of Song Fu only. As Masters, it is expected that they have achieved a musical voice all their own – but does their mastery extend to assuming the voice of another artist? With that in mind, Each Master is tasked with writing a song in the style of their opponent. The Masters will be judged on how accurately they write a song in their opponent’s style without it becoming a simple parody. When listening to their entries, you must genuinely believe that they were written by the original Master. Got that? The Master’s songs must also be no shorter than 1m45s.
Well, you voted on the Round 2 Challenge HERE. Below, you’ll find the Master and the Challenger who will be battling head-to-head, and whose fate will also be determined by you. Beneath their section, we reveal The FINAL CHALLENGE!
MASTER OF SONG FU
JONATHAN COULTON
Jonathan Coulton on Jonathan Coulton: “In 2005 I left my day job writing software to pursue music full time. To keep myself busy I released a new song on this website every week for a year in a project called Thing a Week. A few of those songs became big internet hits (my folky cover of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”, a funny video called “Flickr”, a song called “Code Monkey”), and I am now fortunate enough to make my living as a musician.
I write about a lot of geeky stuff because I am a geek. Some of it’s funny, but a lot of it’s not so funny, and even more of it is somewhere in between. I’ve been compared to They Might Be Giants, Barenaked Ladies, Loudon Wainwright III, and other musicians you REALLY LOVE.
I give lots of music away because I believe it helps my cause, and I love it when people use my music to create other stuff – music videos, pictures, remixes, etc. At the moment I’m unsigned, and I’m proud to say I’ve created this whole thing mostly on my own (with plenty of help from an amazingly supportive bunch of fans). But it certainly is getting busy… I will probably sell out and go Hollywood any day now…”
The Deal: After 20+ years making music as a hobby, I recently wrote and recorded a song for my daughter. I got a little taste of mild success (hey, my mom liked it). So now I’m taking my music out of the closet, dusting it off, and seeing how it does in the sunshine. Who knew there was so much work in just attempting to do music for a living. I feel like I am opening a Subway franchise (Only opening a Subway franchise seems more fulfilling in a creative way).
THE REIMAGINING (aka THE RECKONING): For this final duel between Master and Challenger, we’re going to combine a little bit of all the previous challenges. For this ultimate show of skill, adaptability, and personality, you will be given a preexisting song. Your task is to completely reimagine that song with your own lyrics and music – while retaining the same basic story and at least some sonic “cue” or “quote” from the original tune (a short phrase or series of chord changes; the key word here is “brief”). THIS IS NOT A COVER – you are crafting something more akin to an homage, but with your own creative voice. Here is the song you’ll be reimagining:
DAVID BOWIE: “SPACE ODDITY”
You will be judged on how closely your reimagining hits the basic “story points” – spaceman goes up, spaceman talks with control, spaceman goes for a walk, spaceman disappears – but beyond that, anything goes.
The song must be at least 1min 45sec, and must be an original creation.
The deadline for delivery of the song is 11:59pm EST on THURSDAY, JULY 24th.
If you triumph, not only will you win remarkable (and potentially off-putting) bragging rights and a clutch of fantastic mystery prizes, you will also become the proud owner of the magnificent, one-of-a-kind MASTER OF SONG FU TROPHY, designed and handcrafted by [adult swim] superstar Dana Snyder. Yes. Dana Snyder.
SModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.
SModcast 57: Terrorist Pizza –
In which our heroes wake and bake, party hardly, and face off against a righteously indignant Canadian.
[CONTENT WARNING]SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.
The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…
As a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 from “back in the day”, for years I’d hoped for the return to performing of MST creator Joel Hodgson and writer/performer Trace Beaulieu (Dr. Forrester & Crow T. Robot). Even though we’ll probably never see MST return for various intractable reasons, both Joel and Trace returned – along with fellow alums Frank Conniff, Mary Jo Pehl, and Josh Weinstein – to form Cinematic Titanic. For all intents and purposes, it’s pretty much MST – only all 5 members are silhouetted onscreen at the same time, stationed on a tiered series of platforms on either side of the screen and commenting on the flick. Their first flick was the delightfully awful The Oozing Skull($14.99), but they’ve just released their second flick – Doomsday Machine ($14.99). You can pick up both discs – and all forthcoming titles – via www.cinematictitanic.com. The magic is back, my friends. Snap it up, post haste.
William Conrad – now THERE was an outsize TV star that filled the screen in ways today’s stars only wish they could. And I don’t mean that in just the obvious reference to Conrad’s fabled girth – no, he was an old school TV actor who commanded your attention, much like William Shatner still does on Boston Legal. If you don’t believe me, check out the first volumes from the respective first seasons of both Cannon (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$36.98 SRP) and Jake And The Fatman (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$ SRP). Cannon features 11 episodes of Conrad as LA PI Frank Cannon, while Jake And The Fatman sports 11 episodes of Conrad as one half of the titular team of LA District Attorney J.L. McCabe (Conrad) and his on-tap PI Jake Styles (Joe Penny). Both sets feature the original episode promos, but nothing more. Where’s the tribute featurettes?
As anyone who’s seen Wall-E knows, sitting in front of a computer all day (working, in my case) doesn’t exactly lend itself to muscle toning (or avoiding the dread carpal tunnel nightmare). Maybe that’s why everyone who sends their days bathed in the LCD glow should pick up a Powerball ($59.99). This remarkable little exercise ball – which contains a gyroscope at its core – is such an amazing piece of kit. It derives its amazing kinetic energy – up to 15,000 rpm – just from manual manipulation. Get one of these.
Ah, Peep Show. If you’re a fan of The Office – or just offbeat British comedy in general (you know, the smart people) – you’ll probably dig Peep Show (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-£44.99 SRP). Gosh, how do I describe such a unique premise… In the show, you see the lives of roommates Jeremy & Mark through their eyes – and inner monologues. Jeremy is a wannabe pop star, Mark is an obsessive loser, and their thoughts and actions are truly hilarious. Think of it as a small-screen take on Being John Malkovich, without all the arty pretension. The 5-disc Region 2 set features all 5 current seasons, with bonus features including audio commentaries, featurettes, bonus scenes, and more. Check it out. Now. NOW!
If you’ve ever had the desire to live a Wodehousian existence and be as coddled and pampered as Bertie Wooster – or you just feel like being awakened in the morning by the mellifluous tones of Stephen Fry – then you’ll want to make sure to get your own Voco Alarm Clock (£39.95 each), which features 150 different wake up messages recorded by Mr. Fry in his finest Jeevesian delivery. The clock is available in both a “Good Morning, Sir” and “Good Morning, Madam” version, and is an incredibly fantastic idea for an alarm clock.
Anticipation of The Dark Knight is building to a fever pitch, so it makes sense that Warners would quickly shuffle out a Batman Begins: Limited Edition Giftset (Warner Bros., Rated PG-13, DVD-$39.92 SRP) to exploit the mood. In a nutshell, in addition to the previously available 2-disc special edition of the film, the set contains a 128mb flash drive with Dark Knight images, a 2/12 minute sneak peek at Dark Knight, and a collection of postcards.
And speaking of the Caped Crusader, I can see what they were going for with Batman: Gotham Knight (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP). Essentially, it was the Batman equivalent of the animated explorations done for The Animatrix, employing non-traditional artist’s takes on the Caped Crusader. Unfortunately, much like the Matrix vehicle, we get an uneven affair of fascinating interludes and forgettable ones. Still, it’s worth a spin, and the 2-disc set contains audio commentary, a documentary on Batman creator Bob Kane, a featurette, and 4 bonus episodes of Batman: The Animated Series. Will they bring that back already?
Did you know that there was a new Mummy movie coming out? No? Well, even I barely knew there was a new Mummy movie coming out. In order to mark the occasion, Universal has cooked up a batch of new special editions related to the franchise, starting out with 2-disc special editions of both The Mummy and The Mummy Returns (Universal, Rated PG-13, DVD-$19.98 SRP each), both containing a clutch of newly-produced featurettes. Also in the dock is a new 2-disc edition of the original Mummy (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$26.98 SRP), starring the great Boris Karloff. The new Mummy film features Jet Li, so why don’t we throw in a new special edition of Fearless (Universal, Rated PG-13, DVD-$19.98 SRP) featuring 3 versions of the film, as well? And even though nobody asked for it, even director Stephen Sommers’s massive disappointment Van Helsing (Universal, Rated PG-13, DVD-$19.98 SRP) gets a collector’s edition of its own.
In the legend that is the emerging grunge scene in the early-90’s, you may not know the name of a band called The Gits. The reason for that omission is the brutal tale of the rape and murder of the band’s lead singer and emotional core, Mia Zapata, after the group returned from a successful European tour. Over a decade later, new evidence would reopen the case, leading to the arrest of a suspect and a tale captured in the documentary The Gits (Liberation Entertainment, Not Rated, DVD-$19.99 SRP). Bonus features include an audio commentary, deleted scenes, trailers, and a featurette on the non-profit organization that was formed in the aftermath of the tragedy.
Eager to make sure that their second theatrical outing isn’t met by the same slack-jawed confusion of their inaugural go, the folks behind the X-Files (Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz) have selected 8 essential episodes in the 2-disc X-Files: Revelations (Fox, Not Rated, DVD-$22.97 SRP). The set also features episode introductions, a WonderCon panel, and the theatrical trailer for the upcoming flick.
Another in the long line of Iraq war related films that failed to perform at the box office, Stop-Loss (Paramount, Rated R, DVD-$34.99 SRP) is, at the very least, worth a second chance on DVD, as it’s actually a decently crafted portrait of what today’s generation of military men are facing as their home lives crumble in the face of open-ended overseas commitments. Bonus features include an audio commentary, deleted scenes, and a pair of behind-the-scenes featurettes.
Ignoring the double negative, Jimmy had it right when he said they don’t dance like Carmen no more – and you can see for yourself with The Carmen Miranda Collection (Fox, Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP). The set feature a quintet of remastered catalogue titles starring the lady with the fruit hat – The Gang’s All Here, Something For The Boys, If I’m Lucky, Greenwich Village, and Doll Face. Bonus materials include an audio commentary, featurettes, deleted scenes, galleries, and more.
If you want to feel the colossal loss of Joe Strummer all over again, by all means check out Julien Temple’s magnificent documentary The Future Is Unwritten (Sony Legacy, Not Rated, DVD-$19.98 SRP), providing an affectionate but unvarnished portrait of the Clash frontman. Bonus materials include an audio commentary, 100 minutes of exclusive interview footage, and the theatrical trailer.
Despite all of those peanuts, it’s nuts to Jericho (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$39.99 SRP) as its hard won second season of post-apocalyptic politics proves to be its last. The 2-disc set features all 7 episodes, plus deleted scenes, audio commentaries, featurettes, and the unaired alternate ending that was filmed in case the show got a third season pick-up. Which it didn’t. So here it is.
Where are you going to take the relationship between Jeannie and her “master”, Tony, in the fifth and final season of I Dream Of Jeannie (Sony, Not Rated, DVD-$39.95 SRP)? To the altar, of course! That’s right – they walk down the aisle, and are thrown into a guest-star studded series of magical escapades. The 4-disc set features all 26 episodes, but not a single audio commentary from Larry Hagman.
Six seasons in, Monk (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP) just keeps obsessively compulsively plugging along, an amiable little character treat. The 4-disc box set features all 16 episodes, plus audio commentaries.
Even with the arrival of Amanda Tapping’s Colonel Samantha Carter, Stargate: Atlantis (MGM, Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP), I still can’t get behind the spin-off series of the almost always enjoyable Stargate SG-1. Either way, the 5-disc set features all 20 episodes, plus audio commentaries, featurettes, deleted scenes, galleries, and bloopers.
A pair of DC animated series come to an end with the release of their respective fifth seasons – The Batman and Teen Titans (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$19.98 SRP each). Both sets feature 13 episodes across 2 discs, plus behind-the-scenes featurettes.
Mix The Fast and The Furious with Miami Vice, and you pretty much get the short-lived Fastlane (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP), co-created by fauxteur McG. The 6-disc complete series et features all 22 episodes, plus an extended scene from the pilot, behind-the-scenes featurettes, and outtakes & and bloopers.
I admit – by the team Sabrina The Teenage Witch reached its fourth season (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP), I really didn’t care. Sure, I watched the first season, but that was because it featured Paul Feig, had Frank Conniff as a writer, and had practical magic effects by Joel Hodgson. By season 4, all we had was Nick Bakay’s sarcastic feline, Salem. The 4-disc set features all 22 episodes, but zero bonus materials.
So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…
Adult Swim’s Dana Snyder and FRED’s Ken Plume set out to have a literate conversation between two pals, but inevitably devolve into a verbal, and funny, free-for-all full of bickering, infighting, and the special kind of male bonding that comes from conflict expressed through the podcast medium.
Actor/comedian/raconteur Dana Snyder, you’re certainly aware, is Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, Squidbillies‘ Granny, Minoriteam’s Dr. Wang, and The Venture Bros.‘ Alchemist. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (bat availability pending), you can keep tabs on him via his website, www.eyeofthesnyder.com.
Ken Plume is the editor-in-chief here at FRED. He is a friend of Dana’s, as well as his arch-nemesis.
KEN P.D. SNYDECAST #51: Cats Do Dance – Ken & Dana return for another round of something or another, as Dana checks in while on the road with a not terribly good mic, as conversation turns to two of the greatest Vegas shows ever, a meal of sickeningly immense proportions, famous last words, the Henson legacy, and much more.
[CONTENT WARNING]:This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
We here at Quick Stop Entertainment are true lovers of music, in all its forms. We’re also quite keen on the spirit of competition, and of spurring creativity through said competition.
To that end, we’ve launched a brand new form of creative combat here at the Stop.
In this age of manufactured and painfully earnest talent contests, we’ve decided to instead shine a light on the quirky, quixotic underworld of musicians that don’t get nearly the attention they deserve.
Ah, but I did mention that there was a competition involved…
A few weeks back, we sent out the call for challengers. Hundreds of you heard the call and fought for a chance to be in the initial group. 20 were selected. Only 19 responded in time.
Like a songwriting version of Iron Chef, the challengers were presented with a very specific songwriting challenge. They were given one week to complete their songs – however they saw fit, within the parameters set forth below…
ROUND 1 CHALLENGE
You must do a song in the style of a classic television show. Not only that, but this song is the theme for a fictional television show about yourself (or your band). By “classic television show” theme song, we mean the type of themes found in shows from the 1960’s – 1980’s (ie Gilligan’s Island, Cheers, The Fall Guy, Diff’rent Strokes, Welcome Back Kotter, Greatest American Hero, Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, The Facts Of Life, Green Acres, Gimme A Break, The Monkees, etc.). Your theme song must include both lyrics and music. It must run no shorter than 30 seconds, and no longer than one (1) minute.
When all was said and done, only 16 of the 19 Challengers were able to send in the songs in time. You voted HERE. The TOP 7 vote getters then moved on to Round 2. Here’s the challenge given to our 7 Semi-Finalists…
ROUND 2 CHALLENGE
Here’s where we step things up a notch. Your challenge is to write a song that utilizes a repeatingsyllable (ex: la, na, doo, etc.). The syllable must repeat at least 5 times in a row (ex: la la la la la). The resulting “repeated syllable” phrase can appear anywhere in your song, but must be repeated in full at least 3 times within the song. Also, this challenge includes a thematic element. Your song must feature a conflict between two (2) elements, provided below.You must choose one (1) element from COLUMN A and one (1) element from COLUMN B.
COLUMN A
—————
Santa Claus
Miami Dolphins
Stephen Hawking
A Beach Towel
High School Physics
Albania
The Color Orange
A Toothpick Factory
Marc Singer
Hydroponics
———————————————————————–
COLUMN B
—————
Dracula
Linux
Pudding
Coupons
Scabies
Cosplayers
Your Kindergarten Teacher (must be named)
Albert Camus
Non-Alcoholic Lager
Doc Hammer
Your song must be at least 1m45s in length. Finally, your song must be an ORIGINAL CREATION, both music and lyrics, and can not utilize or sample a preexisting work.
You also voted on the contributions of our three Masters, eliminating one. Two Masters remained, and they were presented a special challenge of their own. Their entries were also be voted on by you, the readers. The winner of the Masters Challenge is the one who duels with the winning Challenger.
ROUND 2 MASTERS CHALLENGE
The following challenge applies to our Masters of Song Fu only. As Masters, it is expected that they have achieved a musical voice all their own – but does their mastery extend to assuming the voice of another artist? With that in mind, Each Master is tasked with writing a song in the style of their opponent. The Masters will be judged on how accurately they write a song in their opponent’s style without it becoming a simple parody. When listening to their entries, you must genuinely believe that they were written by the original Master. Got that? The Master’s songs must also be no shorter than 1m45s.
Well, you voted on the Round 2 Challenge HERE. Below, you’ll find the Master and the Challenger who will be battling head-to-head, and whose fate will also be determined by you. The FINAL CHALLENGE will be unveiled on TUESDAY, JULY 15th.
But right now, here’s the winning Master and Challenger. Give their Round 1 and Round 2 tunes a spin, and check back to see just what they’re in for as our very first MASTERS OF SONG FU draws to a close…
MASTER OF SONG FU
JONATHAN COULTON
Jonathan Coulton on Jonathan Coulton: “In 2005 I left my day job writing software to pursue music full time. To keep myself busy I released a new song on this website every week for a year in a project called Thing a Week. A few of those songs became big internet hits (my folky cover of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”, a funny video called “Flickr”, a song called “Code Monkey”), and I am now fortunate enough to make my living as a musician.
I write about a lot of geeky stuff because I am a geek. Some of it’s funny, but a lot of it’s not so funny, and even more of it is somewhere in between. I’ve been compared to They Might Be Giants, Barenaked Ladies, Loudon Wainwright III, and other musicians you REALLY LOVE.
I give lots of music away because I believe it helps my cause, and I love it when people use my music to create other stuff – music videos, pictures, remixes, etc. At the moment I’m unsigned, and I’m proud to say I’ve created this whole thing mostly on my own (with plenty of help from an amazingly supportive bunch of fans). But it certainly is getting busy… I will probably sell out and go Hollywood any day now…”
The Deal: After 20+ years making music as a hobby, I recently wrote and recorded a song for my daughter. I got a little taste of mild success (hey, my mom liked it). So now I’m taking my music out of the closet, dusting it off, and seeing how it does in the sunshine. Who knew there was so much work in just attempting to do music for a living. I feel like I am opening a Subway franchise (Only opening a Subway franchise seems more fulfilling in a creative way).
If you triumph, not only will you win remarkable (and potentially off-putting) bragging rights and a clutch of fantastic mystery prizes, you will also become the proud owner of the magnificent, one-of-a-kind MASTER OF SONG FU TROPHY, designed and handcrafted by [adult swim] superstar Dana Snyder. Yes. Dana Snyder.
Oh no! Just when you thought it was safe to hang out at the Quick Stop…
Cabin Fever (hosted by the twisted souls Brian Fitzpatrick and Aaron Poole) is the result of having too much time on your hands and access to your local community radio station.
Over the course of an hour, they manage to trawl the depths of good taste, plus throw some music in. How much more could you want from a podcast?… Quality? Oh… we didn’t think of that.
Enjoy! And we hope our cross Atlantic friends can understand the Irish accent 😉
Hugs and Kisses,
Aaron P. + Rev. Fitzy
CABIN FEVER #30: Oration Sensation – In a shock to everyone’s system, the boys return for the second week in a row. This week they tackle such serious and pressing issues as teen pregnancy, racism, and 5 foot tall bronze enemas. You wouldn’t have it any other way. To keep your toes tapping, Marner Brown and The MattLees Band play some dulcet tones.
[CONTENT WARNING]:Explicit contents! We say every naughty word you can think of. You have been warned!
SModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.
SModcast 56: And Now a Word from Our Sponsor –
In which our heroes try to manufacture road rage, enter handy negotiations, draw the line at what they’d do for a Make-a-Wish kid, and catch up with an old bathroom buddy.
[CONTENT WARNING]SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.
The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…
Continuing the tradition begun with Monsters, Inc., we’re gifted with another beautiful collection of production artwork and designs for Pixar’s latest flick with The Art Of Wall-E (Chronicle Books, $40.00 SRP). Chronicle and Pixar have really set the standard for how to pull the volumes together, and their presentation is always top-notch. My only complaint is I wish it were at least twice as long.
Anyone with even the slightest knowledge of sci-fi (or Dick Tracy, or The Venture Bros.) surely must have dreamed of the day that mankind would finally develop the technology needed to realize the video watch. That’s right – the ability to watch incredibly sharp video on your wrist. And view pictures. And listen to MP3s. Well, the dream has been realized with the Stainless Steel Video Watch ($129.99). Featuring a 1.8″ screen and a whopping 8GB of memory, it’s an incredible piece of equipment that will get you feeling like a futuristic superspy in no time.
Though my favorite Billy Joel album remains the severely underrated Turnstiles (I spent an entire summer with a friend tooling around in his VW bug listening to “Summer, Highland Falls”), a close runner-up would be the album that saved Joel from being dumped by his label, and cemented him as an artist to be reckoned with – 1977’s The Stranger. In (belated) celebration of the album’s anniversary, we get the fully remastered 2-disc The Stranger: 30th Anniversary Edition (Sony Legacy, $49.98 SRP), featuring not only the original album, but also a never-before released live recording of Billy’s Carnegie Hall performance on June 3, 1977. As an extra bonus, the set also includes a bonus DVD featuring a newly-produced making-of documentary, original promotional films, and Billy’s 1978 concert for Britain’s Old Grey Whistle Test. Hopefully the rest of his early albums get the same kind of revisiting.
And while we’re on the topic of expanded revistings, I must mention the new deluxe editions of both the eponymous Elton John and my favorite Elton album, the country rock Tumbleweed Connection (Universal/Rocket, $29.98 SRP each). Both discs feature glittering remasters, but the real treat is the bonus discs, which contain rare demo tracks and period live performances. With these two sets and the previously released Captain Fantastic and Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, all we’ve got left is Empty Sky, Madmen Across The Water, Honky Chateau, Rock Of The Westies, and Caribou to complete the classic, must-have Elton set, before his music morphed into pappy, forgettable shit in the 80’s and 90’s. Where are you, 70’s Elton? Come back from wherever you went.
Just when the summer doldrums were beginning to set in, I found out just why everyone has been fawning over Mad Men (Lionsgate, Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP) – the AMC series about Madison Avenue ad execs in the early 60’s. The reason why everyone has flocked to it? Because it’s one hell of a great show. Check out the first season for yourself. The 4-disc set features all 13 episodes, plus audio commentaries, featurettes, and more. The first season is also available on Blu-Ray ($49.99 SRP), with identical bonus features.
While we still can’t the series itself on DVD, at least we can watch the camp glory that is the Adam West Batman: The Movie (Fox, Rated PG, Blu-Ray DVD-$39.98 SRP) in full-blown high definition Blu-Ray. The disc features the same bonus features as the standard DVD, including audio commentaries, featurettes, and more.
Even 20 years later, Heathers (Anchor Bay, Rated R, DVD-$19.97 SRP) holds up as a painfully funny snapshot of the awkward, cutthroat nature of high school. The new 20th anniversary edition of the film features a brand new transfer, but double dips from previous editions on an audio commentary, a retrospective featurette, a screenplay excerpt of the original ending, and the theatrical trailer. It does, however, feature one new retrospective featurette, “Return to Westerberg High”.
Any flick that’s smart enough to cast both Patton Oswalt and Mindy Cohn is – at the very least – worth a viewing. Written and directed by Daniel Waters (the writer of Heathers), Sex And Death 101 (Anchor Bay, Rated R, DVD-$29.97 SRP) is one of those pleasant surprise on home video discoveries that you wind up enjoying. It stars Simon Baker as a man who receives a mysterious e-mail that details everyone he’s had sex with – and everyone he’ll have sex with in the future. Unfortunately, it’s uncertain if his list ends in commitment – or something far worse, as there’s an equally mysterious femme fatale on the loose (Winona Ryder) that’s targeting men guilty of sex crimes against women. Bonus features include an audio commentary, a featurette, and a trailer. A Blu-Ray edition is also available (Anchor Bay, Not Rated, DVD-$ SRP), featuring identical bonus materials to the standard edition.
From the director of the upcoming Pineapple Express comes a smart, gritty little indie flick about an escalating blood feud amongst a group of half brothers in the Arkansas back roads. In Shotgun Stories (Genius, Rated R, DVD-$24.95 SRP), the two sets of siblings – who knew different versions of their father, one a violent drunk and one a sober, middle-class man – come crashing together at their father’s funeral. The DVD features an audio commentary, an isolated score track, trailers, and more.
To be honest with you, the only reason I ever watched Evening Shade (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$39.99 SRP) was for the presence of the ever-delightful Charles Durning. Sure, the rest of the cast – Burt Reynolds, Marilu Henner, Michael Jeter, Hal Holbrook, and Ossie Davis – was enjoyable, but I was there for Durning. The 5-disc set features all 24 first season episodes, but not a single commentary, featurette, or interview with Durning. Damn.
If you’re in a pinch and need an entirely watchable, inoffensive romantic comedy to fill out a date with, look no further than Definitely, Maybe (Universal, Rated PG-13, DVD-$29.98 SRP). The cast alone – including Ryan Reynolds, Kevin Kline, Elizabeth Banks, and Rachel Weisz – makes it an interesting proposition, and the story about a father trying to explain to his daughter about the past loves of his life prior to her mother is a nicely awkward premise.
It’s certainly not a comedy classic, but there’s a goofy, almost 80’s quality about Drillbit Taylor (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$34.99 SRP), which stars Owen Wilson as a slacker fists-for-hire who’s contracted by a trio of nerdy high schoolers to act as their on campus bodyguard. Its 80’s-like quality is probably due to the fact that it’s based on an idea by John Hughes, even though the script was brought to life by Seth Rogen and Kristofor Brown. The unrated DVD features additional footage, an audio commentary, deleted/extended scenes, and behind-the-scenes featurettes. Also available in Blu-Ray ($39.99 SRP).
I’m sure you’re just as shocked as I am that Walker, Texas Ranger (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$49.99 SRP) made it to a fifth season. I guess there’s no discounting the durability of ludicrously goofy shows that take themselves far more seriously than the acting and writing permits. Anyway, here’s another 25 episodes sure to delight anyone with a penchant for unintended comedy.
If you’ve been missing the true-crime stories with a sly presentation that was City Confidential, then you want to check out the marriages gone sour stories recounted in Till Death Do Us Part (Anchor Bay, Not Rated, DVD-$35.99 SRP). They key to enjoying the show is the witty, tongue-in-cheek presence of host John Waters. Yes, that John Waters. The 3-disc set features all 13 episodes, plus new introductions from waters and interviews.
Kyra Sedgwick is back as homicide investigator Brenda Johnson in the 3rd season of Closer (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP), facing down the return of a dormant serial killer, a missing child, and the mysterious death of a Homeland Security official. The 4-disc set features all 14 episodes, plus unaired scenes, a featurette, and a gag reel.
Karl Malden and Michael Douglas are back on The Streets Of San Francisco (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP) with the first volume of the second season. The 3 disc set features 11 episodes detailing the exploits of Lt. Mike Stone and Inspector Steve Keller as they face down convicts, robbers, and even an assassin. Yes. An assassin.
So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…
Oh no! Just when you thought it was safe to hang out at the Quick Stop…
Cabin Fever (hosted by the twisted souls Brian Fitzpatrick and Aaron Poole) is the result of having too much time on your hands and access to your local community radio station.
Over the course of an hour, they manage to trawl the depths of good taste, plus throw some music in. How much more could you want from a podcast?… Quality? Oh… we didn’t think of that.
Enjoy! And we hope our cross Atlantic friends can understand the Irish accent 😉
Hugs and Kisses,
Aaron P. + Rev. Fitzy
CABIN FEVER #29: Along Came A Spider – Brian has recovered from his dose of ebola and returns to help Aaron produce probably our geekiest episode yet. And that’s saying something. The Cabin boys discuss missing feet, life on Mars, the word “flabbergast”, and all things arachnid. To keep your toes tapping we have music from The Tender Box, MGMT, The Smiths, and Michael Buble… That’s right – The Buble opens this shizzle. Press Play… Now.
[CONTENT WARNING]:Explicit contents! We say every naughty word you can think of. You have been warned!
Sometimes it’s hard to peg what will catch my interest.
SHAILENE WOODLEY: It revolves around teenage conflict with sex. It is very controversial in the fact that it talks about things that television has never talked about before as far as in teenage language. It explores these tough decisions to have sex or not have sex and the consequences in the end for that. I think it has so many good morals and standards for teenagers to live by and for their parents to realize what they’re teenagers are doing because a lot of times parents don’t realize what teenagers are doing when they are not in the home. I think it’s going to be very good for parents and teenagers alike to learn from and also to enjoy.
WOODLEY: Absolutely not. I read the script and fell in love with it. Brenda Hampton wrote it. She was with 7th Heaven which ran for 11 years and she is so good at what she does. She asks about what teenagers go through everyday. Everyday in America teenagers deal with divorce and deal with the pressure to have sex in high school or not have sex. The storyline in the script evolves around decisions. And it’s really important for teenagers to understand that what they do now will effect them in the long run. Not that they will regret it ““ it has nothing to do with regret. It just has to do with decisions made in the present.
WOODLEY: It definitely has lots of messages but I don’t think that when a teenager watches the show they’ll come out of it saying I got that message. They are more hidden messages. It’s more like if you’re going to have sex, you’re going to get pregnant. That’s the way it goes. Brenda Hampton is able to take real life situations and put them into the show. I think a lot of the real neat things about the show ““ like my character, her parents are going through a divorce. All the millions of teenagers out there who’s parents are going through a divorce or have gone through a divorce can look at my character and say oh, this is the way she handled it. It’s gives them something to compare and contrast with and I think everybody needs that.
WOODLEY: It’s always because I want to all the time. I never do anything I don’t want to do and there are some many scripts out there and so amazing roles and so many roles that I don’t necessarily I wouldn’t want to do. It’s all about keeping your integrity and saying yes and no without hurting another’s feelings.
-by Ken Plume
KEN PLUME: Hiya. This still a good time for you?
KP: Now, when you’re in the green room on that, at what point did you formulate, “You know, I’m gonna wrestle Simon (Amstell)…” ?
KP: Is there any regret that divergent careers have separated you from collaborating with Simon further?
In what may be the quickest turnaround time from air to release, the complete fifth season of 
There are some things in life that are practical, that make you feel like a genuine cliché of an adult. Like buying a weed-wacker. Then there are things that have no practical purpose other than to make you feel absolutely, unashamedly, giddily childish in their uber-cool appeal to the 10-year-old still kicking around in your brain. Such is the case with the high-resolution 
Largely a neglected novelty in the US, Alan Parker’s wonderfully bizarre 
Back on the road again, actor Robbie Coltrane is exploring the interesting and unique to be found across the breadth of England in 
If the slice of the 60’s presented in AMC’s Mad Men leaves you wanting to sonically explore the period a little more, then by all means pick up 
I always get a kick out of the sheer energy and exuberance – and, frankly, unhinged quality – of talk and variety shows in the UK. Case in point is The Friday Night Project, which is an hour long comedy program presented by Alan Carr and Justin Lee Collins, and featuring a different guest host and musical guest each week. Think of it as a funny Saturday Night Live, deriving much of the humor from the unpredictability of Collins and Carr, and the permissibility of UK television. If you’d like a nice sampler of what I’m getting on about, check out 
Anticipation of The Dark Knight is building to a fever pitch, so it makes sense that Warners would quickly shuffle out a 
And you know that, since you’re already in the rip current, you’re going to pick up the score to 
Despite cultural affectations, the bottom line is that funny is funny. Such is the case with 
First of all, let me say that it’s no Meet The Spartans. And I mean that as a compliment, because that was just unwatchable excrement. No, 
They still haven’t found a good vehicle for Raven Symone, but Disney’s 
Finally, what has become an iconic bit of television finally hits DVD with the complete ninth season of 
It’s not a full season set, but at least it’s a solid batch of episodes in the first set collecting 
Dr. Alec Holland’s hulking, green alter-ego returns to DVD with the second volume of 
Everything – and I mean everything – comes to DVD eventually, even when it’s such an embarrassing disappointment as the short-lived 
Oh no! Just when you thought it was safe to hang out at the Quick Stop…
CABIN FEVER #31: P.S. I Love Blake – Aaron has an emotional plea this week in order to win back the love of a friend. The lead singer of Cabin Fever’s favourite band, The Tastydactyls, needs to be told just how much we love him. In a heterosexual way (mostly). Of course, we have the usual talk of Koala bears, complicated chainsaw suicide, and Jason Patrick. But mostly it’s about man-love. As always, there is music thrown in to break up the sexual tension.
To most of the American audience, the name Dom Joly will most likely spark no response.
KP: So you’ve got a camera, and you’re out there doing this guerilla material. What’s the learning curve, going out there? Because what you were doing at that time, during the Trigger Happy period, was rather fearless material…
KP: Well, you know, when you talk about, you’re almost sounding dismissive of Happy Hour. Which I think is unfortunate, because travel shows… say the Michael Palin shows, Michael Palin shows are all about the grandeur of certain places…
KP: But why this sort of parochial feel that, you know, you’re only shooting for the UK? Why not look at a broader audience?
Jonathan Coulton on Jonathan Coulton: “In 2005 I left my day job writing software to pursue music full time. To keep myself busy I released a new song on this website every week for a year in a project called Thing a Week. A few of those songs became big internet hits (my folky cover of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”, a funny video called “Flickr”, a song called “Code Monkey”), and I am now fortunate enough to make my living as a musician.
The Deal: After 20+ years making music as a hobby, I recently wrote and recorded a song for my daughter. I got a little taste of mild success (hey, my mom liked it). So now I’m taking my music out of the closet, dusting it off, and seeing how it does in the sunshine. Who knew there was so much work in just attempting to do music for a living. I feel like I am opening a Subway franchise (Only opening a Subway franchise seems more fulfilling in a creative way).
As a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000 from “back in the day”, for years I’d hoped for the return to performing of MST creator Joel Hodgson and writer/performer Trace Beaulieu (Dr. Forrester & Crow T. Robot). Even though we’ll probably never see MST return for various intractable reasons, both Joel and Trace returned – along with fellow alums Frank Conniff, Mary Jo Pehl, and Josh Weinstein – to form Cinematic Titanic. For all intents and purposes, it’s pretty much MST – only all 5 members are silhouetted onscreen at the same time, stationed on a tiered series of platforms on either side of the screen and commenting on the flick. Their first flick was the delightfully awful 
William Conrad – now THERE was an outsize TV star that filled the screen in ways today’s stars only wish they could. And I don’t mean that in just the obvious reference to Conrad’s fabled girth – no, he was an old school TV actor who commanded your attention, much like William Shatner still does on Boston Legal. If you don’t believe me, check out the first volumes from the respective first seasons of both 
As anyone who’s seen Wall-E knows, sitting in front of a computer all day (working, in my case) doesn’t exactly lend itself to muscle toning (or avoiding the dread carpal tunnel nightmare). Maybe that’s why everyone who sends their days bathed in the LCD glow should pick up a 
Ah, Peep Show. If you’re a fan of The Office – or just offbeat British comedy in general (you know, the smart people) – you’ll probably dig 
If you’ve ever had the desire to live a Wodehousian existence and be as coddled and pampered as Bertie Wooster – or you just feel like being awakened in the morning by the mellifluous tones of Stephen Fry – then you’ll want to make sure to get your own 
Anticipation of The Dark Knight is building to a fever pitch, so it makes sense that Warners would quickly shuffle out a 
And speaking of the Caped Crusader, I can see what they were going for with 
Did you know that there was a new Mummy movie coming out? No? Well, even I barely knew there was a new Mummy movie coming out. In order to mark the occasion, Universal has cooked up a batch of new special editions related to the franchise, starting out with 2-disc special editions of both 
In the legend that is the emerging grunge scene in the early-90’s, you may not know the name of a band called The Gits. The reason for that omission is the brutal tale of the rape and murder of the band’s lead singer and emotional core, Mia Zapata, after the group returned from a successful European tour. Over a decade later, new evidence would reopen the case, leading to the arrest of a suspect and a tale captured in the documentary 
Eager to make sure that their second theatrical outing isn’t met by the same slack-jawed confusion of their inaugural go, the folks behind the X-Files (Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz) have selected 8 essential episodes in the 2-disc 
Ireland’s soul singer supreme gets a quintet of special edition catalogue remasters. Now you can snag your own copies of Van Morrison’s 
Another in the long line of Iraq war related films that failed to perform at the box office, 
Ignoring the double negative, Jimmy had it right when he said they don’t dance like Carmen no more – and you can see for yourself with 
If you want to feel the colossal loss of Joe Strummer all over again, by all means check out Julien Temple’s magnificent documentary 
Despite all of those peanuts, it’s nuts to 
Where are you going to take the relationship between Jeannie and her “master”, Tony, in the fifth and final season of 
Six seasons in, 
Even with the arrival of Amanda Tapping’s Colonel Samantha Carter, 
A pair of DC animated series come to an end with the release of their respective fifth seasons – 
Mix The Fast and The Furious with Miami Vice, and you pretty much get the short-lived 
I admit – by the team 
CABIN FEVER #30: Oration Sensation – In a shock to everyone’s system, the boys return for the second week in a row. This week they tackle such serious and pressing issues as teen pregnancy, racism, and 5 foot tall bronze enemas. You wouldn’t have it any other way. To keep your toes tapping, Marner Brown and The MattLees Band play some dulcet tones.
Continuing the tradition begun with Monsters, Inc., we’re gifted with another beautiful collection of production artwork and designs for Pixar’s latest flick with 
Anyone with even the slightest knowledge of sci-fi (or Dick Tracy, or The Venture Bros.) surely must have dreamed of the day that mankind would finally develop the technology needed to realize the video watch. That’s right – the ability to watch incredibly sharp video on your wrist. And view pictures. And listen to MP3s. Well, the dream has been realized with the 
Though my favorite Billy Joel album remains the severely underrated Turnstiles (I spent an entire summer with a friend tooling around in his VW bug listening to “Summer, Highland Falls”), a close runner-up would be the album that saved Joel from being dumped by his label, and cemented him as an artist to be reckoned with – 1977’s The Stranger. In (belated) celebration of the album’s anniversary, we get the fully remastered 2-disc 
And while we’re on the topic of expanded revistings, I must mention the new deluxe editions of both the eponymous 
Just when the summer doldrums were beginning to set in, I found out just why everyone has been fawning over 
While we still can’t the series itself on DVD, at least we can watch the camp glory that is the Adam West 
Even 20 years later, 
Any flick that’s smart enough to cast both Patton Oswalt and Mindy Cohn is – at the very least – worth a viewing. Written and directed by Daniel Waters (the writer of Heathers), 
From the director of the upcoming Pineapple Express comes a smart, gritty little indie flick about an escalating blood feud amongst a group of half brothers in the Arkansas back roads. In 
To be honest with you, the only reason I ever watched 
If you’re in a pinch and need an entirely watchable, inoffensive romantic comedy to fill out a date with, look no further than 
It’s certainly not a comedy classic, but there’s a goofy, almost 80’s quality about 
I’m sure you’re just as shocked as I am that 
If you’ve been missing the true-crime stories with a sly presentation that was City Confidential, then you want to check out the marriages gone sour stories recounted in 
Kyra Sedgwick is back as homicide investigator Brenda Johnson in the 3rd season of 
Karl Malden and Michael Douglas are back on