Author: UncaScroogeMcD

BURBANK — There’s a black hole sucking up all the stars. Who could have imagined in such a short period of time we’d lose Dom DeLuise, Bea Arthur, J.G. Ballard and Danny Gans? Was there enough pages in People magazine give proper remembrance to these dearly departed? All the pages written by Proust wouldn’t cover their greatness.

Dom DeLuise is the one closeSt to me. He’s responsible for getting me into the wild world of showbiz. He didn’t merely inspire me with his work on The End and Lotsa Luck. I really did work for him one summer.

Dom was doing his best to lose weight at Duke’s Diet Center. He’d signed on to be the host of a revived Candid Camera. The producers shot his gotcha bits in Raleigh. They needed a local crew and I ended up with my first production assistant gig. After working way too many flunky jobs, the life of a P.A. was a major upgrade. The greatest thing about true showbiz work is that they feed you. No clocking out for lunch and burning your paycheck on food. They ordered it up and served it without docking your wages. They also provided snacks and drinks for free. Forget the guidance counselor, let your stomach let you know what’s your true profession. The only downside was anyone was caught eating around Dom would be fired. No second warning. Nobody had a problem with that rule. There was no need to tease Dom with a Snickers bar. This wasn’t nearly as harsh as being told on the set of Matlock that you’ll be fired if you make eye contact with Andy Griffith.

Dom was rather easy to be around. He wasn’t uptight like some talent. As a comic, he was more annoying than funny. I found myself laughing or mostly smiling at his jokes so that he didn’t try harder. It was like being stuck in the blooper reel of Cannonball Run II.

Dom wasn’t too fussy during the gags. He rolled with the unsuspecting victims. He approved of my alteration of a set up. They were going to see how far they could take a funeral director when it came to setting up outrageous plans. The Hollywood braintrust had a lame list of “can I get this….” as Dom was making arrangements for a dear friend. I suggested that the joke is that the Dom’s friend wants to be buried in his car. The twist is that the guy was a devoted carpooler and wants three other people buried in the car with him. The thing we discovered was funeral home directors won’t say no and don’t have a sense of humor. Dom said, “Smile, you’re on Candid Camera.” The funeral home director read Dom the riot act. The piece crashed and burned. We canceled all the other funeral directors. My shot at writing Smokey and the Bandit V fizzled.

Burt Reynolds was supposed to drop by for a segment. I suggested Dom and Burt sell tubesocks out of a van in the hopes of raising enough money for Cannonball Run III. How will the fans react to their stars being reduced down to street side merchants? The producers seemed open to concept, but Burt never made it to town. Dom did appreciate me joking that Burt and Loni shared custody of him. Burt got him for TV shows and Loni for movies of the week.

One morning Dom was outraged that one of his kids had run up a huge phone bill calling 976 pay numbers. I’m not sure which kid or what service. Could have been the Twin Peaks clue line. I calmed Dom by explaining that he merely had to tell the phone company that the calls were made without his knowledge. The phone company would block his phone from dialing those numbers and drop the charges. The next day he showed up at location and thanked me for saving him a small fortune.

My most lasting memory of Dom was at the end of the last day. We were wrapping up the cables. Dom took a long stare at me and announced to all, “Joe, you look like an axe murderer.”

That time I laughed. Cause he might have been right.

THE OTHER OBITS

Bea Arthur’s passing means I’ll have to find a new punchline. She was a sweet woman with the most iconic mustache this side of Rollie Fingers. Mostly I’ll remember her for those massive vest coats she wore as Maude. With the passing of Bea, Suzanne Pleshette and Brett Somers, our daughters will have no broads to idolize. Sony really needs to get the other four seasons of Maude out on DVD.

Perhaps the most disappointing death belongs to J.G. Ballard. The novelist defined the primal nature in a high tech world with High Rise and the Concrete Island. He wrote some of the most amazing deaths in his books. Why didn’t the author of Crash go out with a major bang? He still could have slammed his car into Elizabeth Taylor’s limo while masturbating behind the wheel? He could have taken out Bea Arthur.

Upon hearing that Danny Gans died, I pondered if he had tapped too deep into his George Burns impersonation. Danny was a Las Vegas creation. No matter where you go in Vegas, there’s his face on billboards, taxicab roofs and bathroom stall doors. A tourist visiting Sin City for the first time always wondered why was Gans hailed as “Las Vegas Entertainer of the Year?” He was a mystery wrapped in an enigma with a sold out run at the Mirage. Turns out his show had him doing musical impersonations. He was like a singing Frank Gorshin. The old people liked him. Steve Wynn supposedly paid the guy $200 million to move to his Encore hotel. On my last trip to Vegas, I tramped through the Mirage to pay homage to the Danny Gans theater (he hadn’t gone across the street). The show was nearly over. The usher asked if I wanted to sneak inside to see the finale. She wanted me to experience Danny. I couldn’t go cause the wife was in the bathroom and by the time she got out, the crowd was departing. But it felt good to know that the people who worked for Danny didn’t treat it as a job, but an avocation. She wanted me to get a tiny piece of the Gans magic. Now Danny Gans is gone. Siegfried and Roy have also left the Strip. What remains in Vegas are anonymous Cirque De Soleil shows and Criss Angel. As much as people enjoyed poking fun at Danny Gans, they respected his ability to fill the seats. He knew how to make people feel lucky enough to gamble. That’s what makes you a star in Vegas.

YOU’RE A WHAT?

Anyone else wondering why NBC is allowed to call their upcoming reality show I’m A Celebrity….Get Me Out of Here. They stick Heidi Montage, Spencer Pratt, John Salley, Janice Dickinson, Sanjaya and a Baldwin not named Alec on an island to see which can survive. Why? These people are barely stars on their grandmother’s refrigerator doors. They’re merely famous for milking their barely worthy fame. If NBC wants people to tune in, they need to change the name to Cannibal Island. The vision of Heidi and Spencer being turned into human stew makes me set the VCR at SP speed in my mind. Joel McHale agrees with this concept. Don’t network executives realize that we like the threat of cannibals? The ratings were high when we thought the Others on Lost were cannibals out to eat babies. Soon as the whole cannibal threat level dropped, the ratings hit rock bottom. The winner would be Janice Dickinson since any smart cannibal knows it’s not safe to eat silicon.

BLU-RAY HEAVEN

Star Trek: The Original Motion Picture Collection – Blu-ray contains the first six films featuring Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, Bones, Scotty, Chekov, Sulu and Uhura. Now you can see the final frontier in high def quality. Star Trek: The Motion Picture brought the TV series to the big screen nearly a decade after it was canceled. The group is reunited to intercept a strange object named V’Ger coming towards Earth. The big shocker is Lt. Ilia (Persis Khambatta) looking sexy with a bald head. It’s a so-so return. The Wrath of Khan is the film that really made this series matter. Ricardo Montalban (Fantasy Island) returns as Khan, the outlaw leader from “Space Seed.” He’s decided to get his revenge on Kirk. There’s great ass kicking action. Mr. Spock does the unspeakable at the end. This is ultimately the best of the Star Trek films. The Search For Spock continues the adventure from the last film. Kirk has to hijack the Enterprise to reunite Spock. Things get nasty when they run into Klingons. Will he get back with his Vulcan friend? The Voyage Home has Kirk and the crew going back in time to snag humpback whales and save future Earth. This one is more cute than exciting with Spock trying to not like a freak in 1980s San Francisco. The Final Frontier is the most painful of the bunch. Why? Because they let William Shatner direct it. Supposedly the Enterprise is going to the edge of space to meet God. I still have trauma from Nichelle Nichols’ erotic dance to distract the enemy. Seeing it in Blu-ray didn’t make it anymore appealing. The Undiscovered Country salvaged the movie series so it didn’t end up on a bad note. The Klingons are finally willing to play nice and join the Federation. However the signing ceremony hits a snag that sends Kirk and Bones to a prison planet. This is a proper send off to the original cast as full time crew members. The big bonus feature is a 70 minute chat with William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, Patrick Stewart and Jonathan Frakes. Whoopi Goldberg hosts the roundtable discussion between the Enterprise top men over two shows. Wrath of Khan looks the best of the transfers on the HD set. No matter what the Onion says, not all the Star Trek movies were dull with people always talking and sitting around tables.

Grease: Rockin’ Rydell Edition – Blu-Ray will be the reason wives buy Blu-ray players as a Father’s Day gifts. This was the musical sensation that notched up ’50s nostalgia during the era of Happy Days and American Graffiti. The high definition transfers is a galactic leap over the grainy pan and scan copy that gets shown on VH1. The 1080p picture exposes the detail of the John Travolta’s slicked back hairdo. The cinemascope image lets you bask in the swivel action of the dancers. The final dance moment when Olivia Newton-John appears stitched into that black outfit will make you thankful for the extra resolution power of Blu-ray. The bonus features include stuff from the previous edition. There’s even more including a commentary track with Director Randal Kleiser and Choreographer Patricia Birch. What will get the ladies going nuts is “Grease on DVD Launch Party.” This isn’t the usual schmooze fest. Olivia Newton-John and Travolta climb up on stage and sing the hits with the band. There will be squealing in the house. Ultimately this version of Grease answers my prayer for a chance to see Sha-Na-Na with maximum detail. Bowzer is finally lifelike on the screen.

Saturday Night Fever: 30th Anniversary Special Collector’s Edition – Blu-ray truly captures the greatest movie of all time for the ultimate home video experience. People talk about getting lost in a film. Seeing Saturday Night Fever in Hi-Def lets my eyes step through the screen. The background details are stunning in the transfer making the paint store, the disco, the dance studio and Tony Manero’s bedroom real. They’re no longer fuzzy like on my battered VHS copy. You can slip into the image and the action after a few gin and tonics. Snobs discount SNF as merely a disco movie with the mirror ball and lighted dance floor. I say that this is an anti-disco film. While SNF did launch the greatest disco record of all time, the ending lets us know that this environment stifles creativity. John Travolta learns that while he thinks he’s a great dancer, he’s merely a slave to the 4/4 beat. Is he willing to flee his safety zones of the 2001 Odyssey disco and Brooklyn to let his talent flourish in Manhattan? The bonus features include a nearly hour long documentary about making the film. John Travolta didn’t have time to chat on camera, but Troma icon Lloyd Kaufman makes up for his absence. In “Back to Bayridge,” Joseph Cali (Joey) gives us a walk around the neighborhood to show us what’s changed and stayed the same in Brooklyn. There’s sad news about the disco. There’s also three deleted scenes which didn’t need to be in the film. Saturday Night Fever dazzles on Blu-ray.

Dexter The Complete Second Season – Blu-ray takes the Showtime series continues to make the audience root for a serial killer roaming the streets of Miami. Dexter isn’t just an ordinary killer since he’s employed by the police as their blood splatter expert. He picks his victims from the truly guilty. After the trauma of the Ice Truck, he’s lost his blood lust. Is he going to go straight? However his life gets complicated when his underwater garden is uncovered. The FBI sends down their top serial killer investigator played by Keith Carradine. Before he can uncover Dexter, Keith sniffs a trail to Dexter’s sister (Jennifer Carpenter). The tension between Dexter and Sgt. Doakes (Erik King) hits a new high. These is more fascinating than the first season. The high definition image gives us a good sense of the sweat and blood in this Southern crime thriller. Top indie directors such as Keith Gordon, Nick Gomez and Tony Goldwyn keep the splatter at a premium. Most of the bonus features are available via Blu-ray Live. Michael C. Hall makes us embrace what should be the most unlikable of characters. Dexter is the best series on cable since The Wire.

DVD SHELF

Jake and the Fatman: Season Two brings a taste of pineapple to the crime series. After the first season in Los Angeles, the producers relocated the gruff DA (William Conrad) and his chief investigator (Joe Penny) to Honolulu. The pilot movie has a murder being arrange by Wo Fat (Khigh Dhiegh) of Hawaii Five-O fame. Jake’s friend is shot down. It’s up to him and the Fatman to expose the killer. During the investigation, the Fatman becomes the D.A. in Honolulu. Is it really that easy to snag that job? Michael Madsen plays a counterfeiter in “Snowfall.” Who knew he was once a picture of youth. “Poor Butterfly” has the top hookers of Hawaii in 1989. There’s a lot of bad fashion in this episode with big hair and bad lace. The mean pimp wears a gray Cosby sweater. How can a man intimidate a prostitute with a Cosby sweater? I can’t help laughing at Joe Penny’s acid washed jeans. Did he really think he was cool in that wardrobe? William Conrad looks extra gruff on the island. It’s a miracle the natives don’t sacrifice virgins to his round God gut. There’s only 10 episodes this strike shortened season. The action isn’t too rough and won’t startle you grandmother.

Penn & Teller B.S.!: The Complete Sixth Season is another Showtime series worth the price of the channel. The comic magicians Penn & Teller don’t mind digging for the truth and exposing the nutjobs on another 10 episodes. “The War on Porn” reminds us that there is no real correlation between adult entertainment and sex crimes. The folks fighting adult films are shown as making up connections. My fellow Raleighite Brandi Love gets to show off her website talents as she reminds us that good porn is a nice release. Plus you can be educated on new positions. “Dolphins” is disturbing as freaks swear these water mammals are able to deliver your baby. Another couple make money teaching people to channel their inner-dolphin. Penn reminds us that dolphins are known for killing porpoises for no reason other than hate. “Sensitivity Training” should be required viewing for that office jerk who declares all the employees need sensitivity training. Penn shows that it’s a scam run by snakeoil salesmen. Penn & Teller: B.S.: The Complete Sixth Season should be viewed by anyone addicted to the Daily Show.

A Baby Story: First Time Parents Edition is perfect viewing if you’re a month away from your first born. You can read all the expecting parent books, but seeing moms pump out the baby while the dad looks completely confused is more educational. Each episode follows a couple in the final weeks of pregnancy. As someone going through this process, it’s easy to relate to their experiences. You see a few women hit the raging hormone stage. You learn quickly to do whatever it takes to calm them down. It will pass if they don’t hit you with a frying pan. There’s a raw nature to the production. They don’t make the babies pop out like cast members of The Hills. We learn that no matter how much planning and prep, the baby will do it their way. Unless you have a C-section. If you’re thinking about getting knocked up this summer, this is necessary viewing for seeing what’s going to happen. There will be pain.

Russell Brand In New York City: Extended and Uncensored still leaves me wondering about the hot new comic from England. He comes off as a wicked kind of guy with his spindly body and huge blown out hair. He dares to talk dirty about his famous pals. But can we trust him to remain funny? For this hour long special, he tears into the truth of his semi-disastrous hosting of the MTV VMAs. He was more excited to see an elephant than Britney Spears. He recounts the Jonas Brothers debacle. His monologue from the MTV event is included. The only thing I fear is that he’s the English Dane Cook with his body moves. The DVD doesn’t bleep out the stuff that was too much for the censors at Comedy Central. You also get a couple bonus routines about drunk girls and being English in New York City.

Jon & Kate Plus Eight: Season 4, The Wedding has come out at a strange time for this large family. There’s a point where the reality of reality stars forces you to review their show for evidence of headlines to come. In this case it’s the recent tabloid covers about how Jon Goselin was caught leaving a bar with a young lady. None of that is covered here. Although if you’re a fan of The Soup, you’ll realize why Jon might be caught at 2 a.m. with a strange woman. “Boys Day Out” has Jon taking his three sons to the golf course. Kate and the girls make something called monkey mulch. This doesn’t contain any actual monkey parts. “Sextuplets’ 4th Birthday” has the six kids get to decorate their own cupcakes. Mom doesn’t want them to eat them until after dinner. What are the odds of that happening? The big highlight of the show is a trip to Hawaii with the couple renewing their vows in front of the 8 kids. In light of the recent headlines, you’ll be working the slo-motion button the DVD remote to see if Jon is looking to bolt.

Sister Sister: The Second Season continues the fun of recently reunited twins who force their adoptive parents to become a couple. It’s fun to see Tim Reid (WKRP in Cincinnati) forced to be nice with Jackee (227). “Hair Today” deals with the sad truth about what happens when one twin gets the makeover while the sister is her normal self. “Get a Job” forces the twins to work at a hamburger joint and Tim’s limo company. The each twin tries to juggle two shifts. This plot will soon be recycled on a Disney tween show. “Free Billy” has the girls trying to liberate a showbiz pig. I’d liberate that pig into my breakfast. The final episode has Tim finally asking Jackee to marry him so they can be a real family and not merely roommates.