FRED Entertainment

Category: Music for the Masses

  • Music for the Masses: August 17th, 2006

     

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    What’s up, Quick Stoppers?  Double A here and I’ve got some good news and bad news for you.  First. . .the good news.  M.C. is on vacation right now, so you Pearl Jam fans need not worry about anyone poking fun at mumbling Eddie and One Trick Pony’s.  Nope.  You’re not going to get one joke about [INSERT RUDE PEARL JAM JOKE HERE] this week.  Not gonna happen.  You see, apparently M.C. heard some rumors at Comic Con and, as a result, has headed back to California in search of  Walt’s frozen head (read: he’s going to Disneyland).  He’s always said that he “has the heart of a small child,” but I just assumed he was referring to whatever the fuck that is in that jar of Formaldehyde on his desk.  

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    Oh, and if you’re reading M.C?  I hear it’s buried under the “Pirates of the Caribbean” ride.  So, at any rate, while he’s away. . .umm, well, that’s the bad news.  Are you ready for this?    Perhaps you should sit down. . .maybe get a little comfort food in your tum-tum’s.  You see, with M.C. gone, I’m left to hold down the fort here at Music for the Masses.

    Now, just hold on a minute there, kiddies.  Don’t go getting your panties in a wad.  I’m not here to change things up a whole bunch and you’re not going to get 3 rap reviews.  Sure DMX came out with a new one, but really, who cares?   Exactly.  See. . .I’ve just discovered something vastly better, or should I say re-discovered something better.  Much like Leonard Nimoy, for a while I have been in search of something.  Get it?  That was a reference to his show called In Search of”¦ where he, you know, searched for stuff. 

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    Anyways, in a desperate attempt to get back a piece of my childhood, I have been searching for anything and everything that I can get my hands on for the group that is credited with giving me my interest in rap music:  The Fat Boys.  Yes I know that it’s kind of odd, but as an impressionable young man with a slight weight problem The Fat Boys opened up a whole new world musically.  Without them I would never have moved into Run DMC.  I would have never listened to early Beastie Boys.  And I certainly wouldn’t have picked up Vanilla Ice’s To the Extreme.  Wait, I probably shouldn’t have admitted that.  Oh well, what’s said is said.  What follows is somewhat of a review and somewhat of a retrospective.  Friends, I give you The Fat Boys.

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    1983 was a year full of ups and downs.  Two classic tales came to an end in M*A*S*H and the original Star Wars Trilogy but other franchises such as the A-Team and the first of the Vacation films were there to pick up the slack.  Musical wise, two of the great bluesmen in Muddy Waters and Slim Pickins passed on paving the way for new “musicians” Michelle Branch and William Hung.  With all that going on, enter three young men from Brooklyn, Mark “Prince Markie Dee” Morales, Darren “Human Beat Box” Robinson and Damon “Kool Rock-ski” Wimbley, who called themselves Disco 3.

    Entering the renowned Coca-Cola/Tin Pan Apple rap contest at the radio City Music Hall, Disco 3 easily won on the strength of Robinson’s beat boxing.  Legend has it that the boys originally entered the contest solely to win the second place prize of a new stereo, but eagerly accepted the recoding contract that came with the win.  With the studio time in hand, Disco 3 unleashed the track “Reality” on the unsuspecting world.  Touring in support of their new release, the groups manager was shocked when he was presented a 350 dollar hotel bill for “extra breakfasts.”Â  Jokingly the manager suggested that Disco 3 should take the name The Fat Boys.  I guess you can tell what happened next.  

    The Fat Boys first album, The Fat Boys was released in 1984, and is arguably their best album.  Featuring the classic songs “Fat Boys” and “Jailhouse Rap” this album showed that while the group leaned toward the comedy side of the genre, the boys could actually rap.  The beats were simple but great and added a bit of fun to the intentionally funny rhymes.  The best song on the disc though is “Human Beat Box.”Â  You’ve probably head someone beat boxing, but I can tell you, you haven’t really heard it till you hear the master do it.  And Robinson was indeed the master.  

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    The groups second album The Fat Boys Are Back came out a year later, offering up the same type of wackiness that the original release had.  This time out though, the Boys brought in some outside influences to help the music out.  The reggae infused and aptly titled “Hard Core Reggae” and the rock styled and even more accurately titled “Rock-N-Roll” fill out an album that also features another Human Beat Box showcase.  While The Fat Boys Are Back is not as good as the first album, it is still a fine album which shows The Fat Boys were still firmly in their element.  That same year the group made their first foray into another medium, playing roles in the 1985 movies Knights of the City and Krush Groove.

    After the group’s next album Big & Beautiful failed to cause any waves, many critics started proclaiming that the group was done.  But in 1987 the Boys made a big splash, and yes, that pun was intended.  1987 saw the release of two Fat Boys projects, the album Crushin’ and the group’s first staring roles in the movie Disorderlies.  Disorderlies introduced the group to a whole new audience that snapped up the album, giving the group their only platinum selling disc.  Seriously, who could forget the video for the single “Wipeout”?  Fat guys on surfboards in front of green screens?  Pure gold!

    Riding the high from Crushin’ and Disorderlies The Fat Boys released Coming Back Hard Again, their last album that could be called a success.  Featuring another cover in “Louie, Louie”, the album mostly stayed true to what the group had done in the past… make fun songs that anyone can get into.  The highlights of Coming Back Hard Again are “Big Daddy’ and “Pig Feet,” both of which point out the obvious that the group really, really likes to eat.

    But, much like the aforementioned fat guy on a surfboard, the ride didn’t last long.  The 1989 album On and On is described as a “rap-opera.”Â  Sadly, the music buying public didn’t understand what was going on, and the album tanked quicker than Mel Gibson at a swanky Hollywood party.  The failure of On and On signaled the end for the group and the three members went their separate ways shortly after.  Still yearning to entertain the masses, Robinson and Wimbley got back together long enough to record 1991’s Mack Daddy.  The new incarnation of The Fat Boys tried to shy away from their past success and opted to try out a new sound that was obviously influenced by the likes of Public Enemy and other rappers of that time.  While the disc wasn’t bad – the song “Tonight” is really good - but the album just didn’t have the same magic that the group had previously had. 

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    In 1992, Morales had marginal success with his solo album, Free, but he has had bigger success as a producer working with Mary J. Blige, Destiny’s Child and Mariah Carrey.  After Mack Daddy, Wimbley dropped off the radar, only to surface again in 1995 when he, Robinson and Morales began working on a Fat Boys reunion album.  Unfortunately that project never saw the light of day.  On December 10th of that year, Robinson died of a heart attack, thus ending The Fat Boys. 

    Over the years there have been a few Best of”¦ albums, but the only one of merit is 1997’s All Meat No Filler.  This album is truly a greatest hits album.  Every song on this album is worthwhile.  There are a few problems with it, though.  First of all, there are several songs that didn’t make the cut that should have been included, most notably “Pump It Up” and “Rock-N-Roll.”Â  Secondly, this album is damn near impossible to find.  It has become my holy grail.  I have scoured several used records all over the country and have yet to find it.  Even the magic machine that is the internet has failed to provide me with this album.  Sure, you can find whatever sick and twisted porn you want, but the second you try to find music, you get shut down faster than I did on prom night.

    Well folks, I hope you enjoyed this walk down memory lane.  Do yourself a favor – if you never listened to The Fat Boys, search them out.  They are truly one of the greatest acts of their generation.  Oh, and they made me the man I am today”¦ here’s an artists rendering.

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    Send your maps to Disney’s head, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:

    M.C. Bell
    P.O. Box 1222
    Arvada, CO 80001

     

  • Music For The Masses: August 3rd, 2006

     

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    Hello again, friends!  Welcome back to another “hot and sweaty” edition of Music for the Masses, where I, your humble host, have recently returned from the mad-cap festivities of Comic Con, San Diego.  And, as predicted, I spent most of the weekend playing “What In The Hell Is THAT Smell??” with an army of portly, aromatic dorks.  Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the top three smells where, in this order, 1) B.O., 2) Tie between “Bologna Burp” and “Sniper Taco Fart” and 3) Sexual Desperation.  Now, what I DID NOT predict, or even expect, was the number of relatively “normal” people on hand for the event.  Seriously. . .who knew?  

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    First rule of advertising:  Know your target market.
     

    Sure every other guy (and girl, for that matter) tended to look like the “Comic Book Guy” from The Simpson’s, but the people I really wanted to see, the “costumed freaks,” were in fairly short supply.  In fact, I had to spend an inordinate amount of time combing the convention hall floor to get a good belly chuckle at a dressed-up geek’s desperate plea for attention.  Good thing I did, though, dear reader, because some of the shit I was able to find, you just wouldn’t believe without photographic evidence.  For instance, would you have believed that a guy spent the entire weekend running around in a diaper?  No, I’m not referring to your grandpa there, Jimmy. . .just some random dude in an adult diaper. . .

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    When dealing with the long lines at Comic Con, never underestimate the convenience of wearing your own restroom.
     

    Of course you wouldn’t.  Who the hell WOULD believe that?  Or how about this snapshot of a “man” I encountered in the Men’s restroom, I shit you not, 10 minutes after hitting the convention floor on Thursday morning. . .

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    Lipstick. . .$5.  Red Hair Ribbon. . .$7.95.  350 lbs. male Snow White who grunts “No mistake, man. . .this IS the Men’s room” as you enter. . .priceless.  Thanks for the clarification, princess.  And check out Johnny BuzzCut there. It appears that I caught him contemplating which “sweater dwarf” he wants to see more, Perky or Pointy.  Good stuff.

    And, of course, what would any self-respecting comic convention be without some Klingons?  Nothing, that’s what.  Sadly, though, these were the only Klingons I could find. . . 

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    Maybe their “race” is dying out due to an apparent aversion to soap and lack of a discernable female gender.  In case you’re wondering, I think the “girl” is there on the right. . .in purple. . .with the beard.  But don’t hold me to that.

    Speaking of “discernable female genders”. . .I knew going in that the comic book and sci-fi world’s are packed with super-hot chicks.  Any self-respecting geek does.  But after battling through hordes of hairy-chinned “women” on the convention floor, all of whom could easily play offensive line for the Indianapolis Colts, I had all but given up hope of actually seeing a babe.  So, imagine my surprise at stumbling across this gal. . .

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    No matter how much I tipped, Leia upheld a strict “No Touch” policy during the entire lap dance.
     

    . . .and finding out that a) she couldn’t break a $20 and b) she wasn’t even a stripper.  Oh well, thanks anyway, baby Jesus and George Lucas!!  But hey. . .don’t think Princess Hot Box there was the only beauty I spied with my “little eye.”Â  A few moments later, after battling through a pack of sweaty teens, all of whom smelled vaguely of banana-scented Clorox ®, I happened upon this hottie outside of the Marvel booth. . .

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    I see London. . .I see France. . .
     

    Feeling dizzy as the blood rushed from one brain to the other, I battled my way through the teeming, acne-scarred masses and headed outside.  Spotting two, actual babes. . .not drawings, but in person, no less. . .had me disoriented.  I needed air.  Once outside, I decided it was time to head back to the hotel for some “quality alone time,” but as I rounded the corner. . .BAMF!!. . .I ran straight into these. . .

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    Yep, that’s Power Girl.  Now, I’m not 100% sure that she possessed any ACTUAL super powers, but in the movie I made up of her in my mind, she DOES have the ability to suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Oh, and umm. . .not sure how I captured that last picture there.  Damn camera must have been stuck in “zoom” mode or something.  Yeah, that’s it.

    Seriously, folks. . .3 super hot chicks in the span of 15 minutes. . .all in one day.  In fact, as far as I could tell, these were the only 3, super hot chicks at the entire convention.  The rest looked like this. . .

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    Eerie. . .the one looks EXACTLY like Kevin. . .if he were Hispanic. . .and a chick.
     

    Suffice it to say, though, even without a multitude of hot, half-naked ladies or “costumed dorks,’ Comic Con was an INCREDIBLE time and I highly recommend that you check it out at some point.  Oh, and if you do?  Tell Slave Leia I said “hey” and ask her if she found my class ring.  I haven’t seen it since we. . .umm, never mind. 

    But enough about all that, friends, for it’s time now to put Comic Con behind us and turn our attention to some new music. This time out, we’ll be checking out new releases from some old favorites, Tom Petty and Sammy Hagar.  Plus, Double A is back and checks in with the new one from Dead Prez and the Outlawz.  So what do you say, friends?  Let’s get to it!!   Of course, before we begin, I know you’re excited, but I’m going to have to ask that you turn off your light sabers now.  Go ahead. . .I can wait.  All right, then. 

    m4m-august3-tphc Artist: Tom Petty
    Album: Highway Companion
    Bastard Love Child of: Don’t make me smack you. . .
    Best for: Wondering how many times Tom and the band had to re-shoot that cake scene because they kept eating “Alice’s” naughty bits.

     

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    Here’s something for you to chew on. . .over the course of a career that’s now spanned 30 years (50 million in sales. . .16 Grammy nominations), Tom Petty has yet to crank out a crappy album.  Sure, some are better than others (especially Full Moon Fever which suckles at the teat of greatness) but each and every one of his discs has hit the mark by serving up a heapin’ slab of solid, Petty pop/rock. Thirty years of that type of consistency is an amazing accomplishment, no matter how you slice it.  Hell, to put it in a different context for you, in 30 years, my only “amazing” accomplishments were learning how to burp the alphabet and to count to 21 without being naked.  

    With his new, solo release (Petty’s third sans Heartbreakers), Highway Companion, Petty keeps his amazing streak intact by cranking out music that represents his best work in years.  Sure, Petty’s starting to get a little long in the tooth and he’s looking more and more like the Crypt Keeper every day, but the dude still rocks. . .even without the Heartbreakers.  And this new disc does, indeed, rock.  However, without his long-time band backing him, the album’s sound is bit softer than some of his previous work, coming across as a stripped down version of 1989’s Full Moon Fever, and Petty is forced to play all of the instruments (rhythm guitar, drums, harmonica, electric piano, bass, and lead guitar) himself.

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    Petty’s brother from another mother.
     

    Highway Companion starts off strong with “Saving Grace,” a song featuring a groovy, little boogie that will probably have ZZ Top, or even John Lee Hooker, questioning copyright infringement.  This track not only serves as the perfect, rocking start to the record but also serves as the first, wide-release single. . .and a great one, to boot.  Subsequent songs, like the sparsely accoustic “Square One,” the classic-sounding “Turn This Car Around” and the insanely catchy “Jack,” all unfold easily and re-enforce the albums “traveling the road of life” theme.

    And speaking of traveling, Petty’s one-time band mate in the Traveling Wilburys, Jeff Lynne, he of the white-man afro and Amber Vision â„¢ shades, shows up to add some production muscle and, with the Heartbreaker’s Mike Campbell, keeps things nice and tidy.  The album hits a bit of a snag towards the end of the disc, as the last couple of songs drop into a mid-tempo rut, however, for the most part, Highway Companion is one hell of a trip and a must have for any Petty fan.

    Rating:  4 out of 5

    m4m-august3-shaw Artist: Sammy Hagar & The Wabos
    Album: Livin’ It Up
    Bastard Love Child of: Jimmy Buffet and the Red Rocker.
    Best for: Realizing that you don’t make margaritas with really good tequila. It’s a waste. Oh, and that Sammy is doing just fine without the Van Halen’s.

     

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      If you are a fan of Van Halen, you’ve inevitably had a drunken conversation, bordering on an argument, with your friends regarding who was the better front man. . .”Diamond” David Lee Roth, the flamboyant, spandex-wearin’, karate-kickin’showman, or the laid back, frizzed-out, guitar-slingin’ “Red Rocker,” Sammy Hagar.  I’ve heard good arguments for both sides, but I’ve always found it kind of hard to give a shit.  You see, for me, I’m a fan of both versions of Van Halen and I give both front men kudus for bringing their own sound and personality to the mix.  However, recently I’ve begun to change my mind and as far as I am concerned, David Lee Roth can piss off, “doll hair” and all.  I’m throwing my vote to Sammy.  “Why” you ask?  That’s easy.  Tequila.  Plain and simple, Sammy makes a kick ass tequila and daddy loves tequila.  If you’ve never tried Cabo Wabo Reposado, you have no concept of what you’re missing.  Sure it’s a little pricey, but it goes down smooth and is the perfect ingredient for a night of fun.  Just ask this guy. . .

     

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    Who said that gaining admittance to the Lance Bass Fan Club would be easy?
     

    Now, if you haven’t been keeping track, it’s been 10 years since Sammy was unceremoniously booted from Van Halen for having, according to Eddie, “a shitty work ethic.”  Or, as I’m sure it sounded coming out of Eddie’s mouth, “ah thittee wa ekik.”  Really, Eddie?  Let’s see, during that time, the “Red Rocker” has released 6 studio albums.  Eddie?  You’ve released one, Van Halen III. . .and that doesn’t even really count.  So refresh my memory.  who has the shitty work ethic?  Granted, Sammy has never experienced solo success anywhere near the levels that he had with Van Halen, but it’s not for lack of effort.  In fact, two of the 6 discs he has released since leaving the band attempted to capture his stadium rocking days with a big, overblown sound and dizzying guitar work.  Unfortunately, both fell flat.  

    The other four discs, including this new one, Livin’ It Up, were recorded with his band, the Wabos (David Lauser on drums, Vic Johnson on guitar and Mona on bass) and it’s in these collaborations where Sammy has really shined.  Hagar and the Wabos craft music that perfectly matches Sammy’s party attitude and lifestyle with many of the songs centering on nothing more than hanging out at bars, getting drunk and partying on the beach.  More or less, he’s making musical “commercials” for his tequila and cantina’s, but what the hell.  Whatever works, man.  

    Not all of the songs on this new disc are originals, but all share the same vibe.  For instance, Sammy rocks out new covers of Dylan’s “Rainy Day Woman #12/#35,” Toby Keith’s “I Love This Bar” and Kenny Chesney’s “One Sip.”Â  Yeah, I’m not sure what the hell the country songs are doing on this disc either, but surprisingly, they work really well.  But again, this is not just a cover album.  Hagar kicks off the disc with the self-penned, bluesy rocker “Sam I Am” and a more traditional sounding “The Way We Live.”  Hell, he even throws in a tropical-tinged tune, “Living on a Coastline” that could make Jimmy Buffett sport wood.

    So, as I’m sure you’ve probably gathered, you don’t pick up a disc like this for it’s social relevancy.  You pick a disc like Livin’ It Up because of it’s “fuck it” attitude and because it is a fun, little throw-away that can serve your summer parties well.  In that regard, Sammy’s music is a lot like his tequila.  

    Rating:  3.5 out of 5

    AND NOW A WORD FROM DOUBLE A. . .

    m4m-august3-dpao Artist: Dead Prez & Outlawz
    Album: Can’t Sell Dope Forever
    Bastard Love Child of: Lyle Lovette and the fat Dixie Chick.
    Best for: Reminding you how good other rap albums are.

    Whenever I think of Dead Presidents, I think of two things.  The first being that kick ass movie from the 90s about the bank robbers that paint their faces up.  That movie ruled.  Seriously, I painted my face a lot after I saw that movie.  Here’s a picture”¦ (courtesy of http://www.punkrockpenguin.net/)

     

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    The other thing that I think about is the movie Point Break.  Why is that you ask?  Because of those crazy president masks that Patrick Swayze and his crew were rocking while they robbed banks.  Regan, Nixon, that other guy. . .they’re all dead now.  What does all this have to do with the CD from Dead Prez and Outlawz?  Not a damn thing.  I just like reminiscing about dead Ronald Reagan.  It makes me happy.

    Another thing that makes me happy is a good rap disc.  Unfortunately, Can’t Sell Dope Forever doesn’t exactly make me happy.  It isn’t bad, but on the flip side, it sure as hell isn’t good.  Let me put it this way, a way that myself and other large individuals can easily relate too.  Candy.  Not just candy, but the most delicious candy on earth, a Zagnut bar.  Now imagine that someone takes a perfectly good Zagnut bar and spits on it.  Being a fat guy, I’m still going to eat the tasty Zagnut bar, but it certainly won’t be as good as it could have been.  That’s how I feel after listening to this disc.

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    There are several things on this disc that bug me.  First up?  The beats.  There really is nothing on this album that makes my ears perk up and say “wow.”Â  The beats are fairly standard, with little variation throughout the course of the song.  And as we have all learned by now, rap and Hip Hop ain’t shit without good beats.  The lone standout is the song “Fork In the Road” which has a strong baseline accompanied by an acoustic guitar.  Nice work, Prez. 

    Next up is the lyrics.  Again, not all the lyrics are bad, in fact a lot of them are pretty good.  This is a whole package deal.  I’m looking for great rhythms paired with great rhymes.  But with this disc, you just don’t get that.  The really good lyrics have sub par beats, and the awesome beat has lame-ass words.  The song that comes closest to hitting the musical G-Spot is the last song on the album, “Came-Up.”Â  Featuring Layzie Bone from Bone Thugs, the raps are good, and the beat is almost there, but it still doesn’t hit that plateau of being a phenomenal song.

    So color me annoyed, because this disc could have been so much better.  Both Dead Prez and the Outlawz have released some great stuff in the past so one would naturally assume that together they would be unstoppable.  Sadly, that’s just not the case.  Too bad. Too bad.

    Rating:  2 out of 5 

    Well. . .there you have it friends. Hope you enjoyed yourself! Until next time, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud!

    Send your “Hot Chick” Comic Con pictures, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:

    M.C. Bell
    P.O. Box 1222
    Arvada, CO 80001

     

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    E-MAIL THE AUTHOR                    

     

  • Music For The Masses: July 20th, 2006

     

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    Why howdy, friends! Welcome back to another edition of Music for the Masses. . .where all the cool people hang. So I hear. And, of course, by “cool people” I am referring to all my “homies” (Good lord, I’ve been hanging out with Double A too much) who be hittin’ this years Comic Con in beautiful San Diego, California. . .home to a gorgeous, temperate climate, sun-kissed beaches and umm. . .the Padres. But you know what I love most about San Diego? It’s just minutes north of Tijuana, Mexico. . .home of the “donkey show,” illicit underage drinking and the $5, back-alley hand job. In fact, that famous sign adorning the highways of southern California is actually a picture of a man, running from his wife and kid after she found out he went to Tijuana for a good old-fashioned, Mescal-fueled worm burpin’. Bet you didn’t know that. 

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    Seriously, friends, I can’t wait to hit that convention floor with 180,000 of my closest friends. Good lord, I can almost smell it now. In fact, I’m so excited, I have already pre-planned my “attack,” and I have a loooong list of “must see” events. For instance, in the upstairs concourse restroom at Noon on Wednesday, I hope to catch the Star Wars “Crossing “˜Sabres” exhibit. . .

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    “You show me your blaster and I’ll show you mine.”Â 

    Thursday morning there is a panel starring the main man himself, Darth Vader, that I ABSOLUTELY will not miss. According to the description, Vader is going to be covering topics ranging from conquering your own universe, crushing the throats of your underlings without really even trying and, most importantly, how to become the “Emperor’s favorite.” Here’s a hint: it takes an iron fist. . .and, apparently, an accommodating mouth. . .

     

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    “Watch your mouth, kid, or you’ll find yourself floating home!”

    However, I am most looking forward to the once-in-a-lifetime event that drops Friday night. In fact, this is THE event, the payoff, if you will “Why?” you ask. “What could possibly be sooo cool to stand out amongst all the other cool things?” Simple. I plan on being front row for this guy when he hits the stage to sing hits like “Blue Suede Shoes,” “In the Ghetto” and “Caught in a Trap”. . .

     

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    Question: How did the “Kling” here end up with Michael Jackson’s nose?

    . . .in fucking Klingon. Good stuff. And I’ll be honest with you, friends. . .if I catch the Klingon Elvis show, I can die happy. . .alone and without ever knowing the touch of a “real” woman, but happy.

    So, as you can probably guess, I have some packing and additional planning to get done. As a result, we are going to keep it short this week with a couple of quick looks at some new releases from Muse and the solo disc from Radiohead’s Thom Yorke. And also, as a gift to you folks who can’t make it out to the convention this week, I have compiled the official list of must-have, Comic-related songs so you can play along at home. What do you say, huh? Let’s get to it!!

    m4m-july20-muse Artist: Muse
    Album: Black Holes and Revelations
    Bastard Love Child of: Radiohead and Queen.
    Best for: Discovering your own, personal muse. I found mine sitting at the end of a bar wearing a tube top, some acid-wash jeans and a “hicky.”
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    Black Holes and Revelations, huh? Here’s a revelation for ya’. . .before I picked up this album, completely at random, I had never heard of Muse. Not one song. Didn’t even know what type of music they played. Sure, I could have checked them out on any number of on-line music services, but where’s the excitement in that? I prefer to grab the bull by the balls. . .with my teeth, so to speak. But hey, that’s what I’m here for, people. . .to take bullets for you. Luckily, I didn’t have to on this album because it kicks ass. In fact, I have to say, I’m all over Muse like bad tattoos on Travis Barker.

    Seriously, I dig the hell out of this disc. Each and every song stands out from the last and each is driven perfectly by the powerful voice of lead singer Matthew Bellamy. For instance, on the first single, the electronica-heavy “Supermassive Black Holes,” Bellamy hits notes that a pair of properly descended testicles just can’t produce. Then, just to prove that statement wrong, Bellamy drops into a throaty, Jeff Buckley impersonation on “Take a Bow.” Sneaky bastard.

    The disc features a ton of electronic elements and quirky instrumention, all handled admirably by Bellamy, drummer Dominic Howard and bassist Chris Wolstenhome, but don’t get the wrong idea here. This is not an electronica album (see below). In fact, even though that first single reminds me of a shopping trip to Abercrombie & Fitch (the roomy shorts allow “the boys” a nice bit of breathing room, thank you very much), the album is largely guitar driven with that one track designed, with tongue firmly in check, to freak the shit out of long time fans. No other track on the disc is remotely like it.

    If you are looking for an experimental, yet highly listenable and enjoyable album that will run the gamut from moody Depeche Mode (“Map of the Problematique”) to Bends-era Radiohead (“Soldiers Poem”) to classic Queen (“Knights of Cydonia”), check this one out. Top shelf, folks.

    Rating: 4 out of 5

    m4m-july20-eraser Artist: Thom Yorke
    Album: The Eraser
    Bastard Love Child of: Kid A and David Gray.
    Best for: Realizing that Thom should stick to using his computer STRICTLY for it’s intended purpose. . .surfing porn.
    m4m-july20-thom

    The Eraser sounds like what Radiohead would sound like if they didn’t use guitars…Wait a minute. . .Never mind.

    We might as well get this out of the way now. . .if you grab this disc thinking that you’re getting a new opus from Radiohead, HOLY SHIT are you in for a surprise. I’m talking a big surprise here, on par with opening a present from your grandma where you’re expecting to find the usual $5 check, but all she did was just shit in the box. Man, did my 7th birthday suck! Nope. The Eraser is not Radiohead. What The Eraser is is glitchy, scratchy, moody, EXTREMELY low-key electronica. Plain and simple. Think David Gray by way of Syd Barrett (RIP, baby).

    However, that being said, fans of the band can take solace in the fact that some things never change. For instance, Yorke is still reed thin. . .like Kate Moss with a dick. Seriously. Same bra size and everything. He’s also as anxiety-ridden and morose as ever, coming across as a man that has resigned himself to being married. . .err, I mean, miserable. Sorry, Freudian slip. And the scary thing here is that he actually seems to be enjoying the hell out of it. Oh, and lyrically? Typical Thom. If you can make sense out of them, well. . .you did too much acid in college. Personally? Understood them perfectly.

    Right from the get-go, The Eraser grabs you and whisks you to an “Alice in Wonderland”- type place where everyone has glow-sticks and drinks a lot of water. Many of the songs (especially the stand out tracks “Black Swan” and “And It Rained All Night”) on the short, little disc (9 tracks, 41 minutes) deal with crumbling relationships and loss, with the two, notable exception being “Atoms For Peace” which decries the “many lies” of the war in Iraq and “The Clock,” which addresses the threat of global warming. I know what you’re thinking, people, and the answer is yes, this album should TOTALLY be a part of your next party mix.

    As challenging as The Eraser is, it is an enjoyable album, just not in your classic, toe-tapping, sing-along, verse/chorus/verse sense.   This is a mood piece, pure and simple. If you dig the mood (THINK:  the title track to Kid A), you will enjoy this disc a ton. Otherwise, I’d recommend you skip this puppy.

    Rating:  3.5 out of 5

    THE SONGS OF COMIC CON. . .

     

    m4m-july20-aqua

    Putting the final nail in the coffin of that whole “Is Aquaman gay?” thing. . .

     In honor of my first Comic Con, I thought it would be fun to compile a list of my favorite superhero-related tunes. And, of course, by “fun” I mean provide you with a list of songs to openly mock and deride. Now, keep in mind, friends, this is by no means a complete list and for the sake of fairness, I took Elfman and Williams out of the running. I also excluded Queen’s “Flash” because. . .well, it has nothing to do with a fucking superhero. Science fiction, sure. . .but that’s a whole other list, Paco. Look. . .we can argue about it later, OK?  So, with all that in mind, I present to you the Music for the Masses Top 10 Superhero-Releated Song list:

    1. Wonder Boy ““ Tenacious D. . .anytime the “D” is involved. . .they get the number one spot.  “What powers?” you ask.  “I don’t know. . .how “˜bout the power of flight.   That do anything for you?”
    2. Ironman ““ Black Sabbath. . .”Now the time is here for Ironman to spread fear.”Â  Pretty sure this song has nothing to do with Tony Stark, but what the hell. . .Sabbath takes the “number 2″ spot.
    3. Resignation Superman ““ Big Head Todd and the Monsters. . .A rocking song from an underated guitarist and an excellent band.  Plus, he’s called Big Head and that makes me giggle.
    4. Superman’s Song ““ Crash Test Dummies. . .I always liked the Crash Test Dummies, although I will freely admit that they walk a fine line between “cool” and “annoying as hell.”
    5. Spiderman ““ The Ramones. . .You know why I love the Ramones?   Their songs remind me of sex. . .fast, furious and usually over in under 2 minutes.  This is their version of the original, Saturday morning cartoon theme.  Good stuff.
    6. Particle Man ““ They Might Be Giants. . .Along with a brand new stereo, Flood was the first CD I ever purchased (Before that, it was ALL cassettes).  Thank you, Student Loans!!
    7. Greatest American Hero ““ Joey Scarbury. . .Yeah, I’m sure you’re thinking that I’m a total fruit for putting this song in the list, but I’ll bet you money that if you’re over 30. . .you know EVERY fucking word.
    8. Kryptonite ““ 3 Doors Down. . .Again, throwing this pop/rock song on the list is probably making your sack pucker, but screw it.  It’s a catchy song and guess what. . .it’s about Superman.
    9. Ice Cream Man ““ Van Halen. . .Okay. . .I think I just jumped the shark here. . .
    10. Stop Talking About Comic Books or I’ll Kill You ““ Ookla the Mok. . .A funny as hell song by a band named after a character on Thundarr the Barbarian.  What more do you need?

    Honorable mention:  Save Me ““ Remy Zero. . .The song that plays over the title sequence in Smallville.  Sure, this song kinda breaks my own rules, but it reminds me of Kristen Kruek and THAT is good thing.

    There you have it, folks, and please note that NO WHERE on that list is Bonnie Tyler’s “Holding Out For A Hero.” You’re welcome. Now, by no means do I think this is a complete list and I’m sure some of you out there could add a few. So please, feel free to drop me a line at the email below and let me know what I missed.

    Well, friends, the fun meter is pegged and it is time for me to bid adieu. But, before I go, in all seriousness, I really am looking forward to the festivities out San Diego. I think it’s going to be a kick in the ass and as far as the panels/events that I will ACTUALLY be attending, they are, in no particular order:

    -Battlestar Galactica panel
    -Kevin Smith
    -Brisco County Jr. panel
    -Adult Swim 2 for 1  
    -Saturday TV Funhouse with Triumph
    -A couple of the IDW Publishing panels
    -Richard Kelly’s Southland Tales
    -And, of course, Snakes on a Mother Fucking Plane.
     

    By no means is this a complete list, but definitely the things that caught my eye the first time through the schedule.

    So, until next time, friends, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud.

    Send your Comic Con pictures, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:

    M.C. Bell
    P.O. Box 1222
    Arvada, CO 80001

    Feel free to email me at mark.bell@mci.com!

    m4m-july20-leia

    What a coincidence. . .she looks like Leia. . .I look like Jabba.

  • Music For The Masses: July 6th, 2006

     

    musicmasses.jpg

    Welcome back, friends!  Yeah, well. . .umm. . .so much for that weekly column idea, huh?  Hey, look. . .settle the hell down, will ya’?  In all fairness, I did warn you and I gotta be honest with you, the pursuit of my primary goal is proving tougher than I imagined.  Who knew?  Hell, I thought it would be a walk in the park becoming a Mormon prophet.   After all, this guy was able to land the job. . . 

    m4m-july6-hink.jpg

    The competition: He’s soooo going down.

    So I ask you friends, why not me, huh?  Sure, the stiffs SAY you have to be an active “member” and “ordained by God” and some such bullshit, but screw the “old” thinking.  It’s time for some fresh, new ideas and a bold new direction, don’t you think?  Damn straight.  And I am just the person to do that.  Afterall, I went to BYU (seriously) for one, WHOLE semester and I’ll be God damned if I let that Sexual Repression major (with a minor in Masturbation!) go to waste.  Nope.  Not going to happen.

    Now, you are probably asking yourself, “But M.C., how is one, such as yourself, by which we mean an agnostic, generally drunk and arrogant prick going to land the job of the most powerful man and living prophet in the Mormon church?  Two words. . .”dick out.”Â  That’s right friends, I’m going to go dick out with Mr. Hinkley up there.  “Do you mean literally, M.C.?”Â  Of course not, friends.  Besides, I’m a “grower,” not a “shower” and unless Mr. Hinkley wants to give me a “mouth hug” before we throw down on the table that might prove too close to call.  No, friends, I’m talking about putting our money where our mouths are.  His ideas versus mine.

    For instance, I say it’s high time that the church diversify a bit.  As it stands now, finding a proud, African-American brother in a Mormon congregation is like playing “Where’s Waldo.”Â  I, brothers and sisters, promise to change that. . .with the help of my friends, Gnarls Barkley, hip hop missionaries.  With their blonde hair and penchant for dairy, they are non-threatening to the existing members, while appealing directly to today’s urban youth.  Oh yeah, and they are well-versed in the ways of the Lord. . .fo’ shizzle.  I’m building bridges here, people. . .that’s all I gotta say.

    m4m-july6-gnarls.jpg

    Gnarls Barkley:  hip hop missionaries, natural blondes, Clockwork Orange fans and milk drinkers.

    Another idea that I have is to fully embrace and promote the whole “polygamy” thing.  Come on, now. . .let’s face it.  This was EASILY the coolest thing the church had going for it and they turned their collective backs on it (*WINK WINK*).  Silly Mormons, dicks are for (lotsa) chicks. . .just ask Brigham Young and. . .umm, Wilt Chamberlain.  As your new living prophet, my Mormon and non-Mormon friends, I promise that you can come home, each and every night, to this. . .

    m4m-july6-model.jpg

    *WARNING* ACTUAL SIZE, SHAPE AND APPEARANCE OF MODELS MAY VARY*
     
    Now ladies. . .before you go getting all pissed thinking that I have forsaken YOU and YOUR needs, wants and desires, I promise to change ANOTHER, long-held church belief and give you some much needed relief.  Gone are the days of “late-night, sniper-sex,” rampant procreation and child-bearing “one-ups-manship.”Â  I am going to promote and institute a new program, aimed DIRECTLY at you, the tired, “busy” mom, with this very simple message. . .

    m4m-july6-clown.jpg

    Sorry, Mormon dads, but enough’s enough.  Don’t you think it’s high time that you gave the Mormon moms both a rest AND a break between pregnancy and uterine healing?  Let me answer that for you. . .”yes, it is.”Â  Take it out on your OTHER wives for cryin’ out loud, huh?  I’m telling you, folks, this idea here is golden and I’ll be honest with you it’s got mass appeal.  In fact, I’m also going to send a copy of this to the Pope.

    So, what do you say?  You with me?  Do I have your vote?  Thought so.

    But enough about all that. . .we have some new music to check out.  Since we last chatted, we’ve had some noteworthy new releases drop, namely the sophomore disc from Keane and one from Dashboard Confessional.  Also, Double A is back this week to check out the new one from Dr. Octagon.  So what do you say?  Let’s get to it, shall we?

     

    m4m-july6-keanealbum.jpg Artist: Keane
    Album: Under The Iron Sea
    Bastard Love Child of: Coldplay and a Kleenex®
    Best for: Resolving any issues you have with falling asleep.

    m4m-july6-keane.jpg

    After listening to the new album from Keane (pianist Tim Rice-Oxley, big-voiced Tom Chaplin and drummer Richard Hughes), I have devised the perfect cross-promotional event for their forthcoming tour. . .”Sominex® and the Sleep Number® Bed Present Keane.”Â  (Oh, and in case you are wondering. . .I’m a “43.”)  Think about it.  You have America’s top two sleep aides combined with England’s number one, sleep-inducing export.  I’m telling you, folks, this is marketing gold.  The way it would work would be like this. . .you show up to said venue, climb into one of the ready-made beds, Keane comes out and starts to play one of their coma-inducing songs and BAM!. . .you’re off to Nappy Land.  Don’t believe me?  Check out what happened, recently, when they played a track off the new disc at a local day care. .

    m4m-july6-sleep.jpg

    Seriously, Under An Iron Sea should come with a warning label:  “Do not operate heavy machinery.  Product may cause drowsiness.”Â 

    Why is it so boring, you ask?  Good lord, where do I begin?  Should I start with the mid-tempo monotony of most of the songs on the disc?  No.  That’s a given.  After all, we ARE talking about Keane.  I know. . .how about we start with the melancholic and overwrought lyrics about England’s role in Iraq?  Hmmm, maybe.  Wait. . .I know. . .the inaccessibility of the music?  Umm. . .the lack of any discernable hooks?  On second thought, I guess I don’t know where to begin. 

    I can honestly tell you that I was surprised as hell to hear how different the band sounds now.  Somewhere along the line, Keane decided to change things up and eschew the “Coldplay-Lite” musical meanderings found on their first disc, Hopes and Fears.  Honestly?  Not a bad move and I applaud the decision, if not the execution.  It’s always nice to see a band swing some giant, brass balls by taking some chances with their music and this turn towards a heavier, meatier and darker sound could pay off going forward. . .assuming, of course, Rice-Oxley can figure out how to drop a hook or two into a song. . .by making the band more distinct and exciting and not just a bunch of Chris Martin wanna-bes.  I guess we’ll see. 

    Of course, it’s also going to be interesting to see if this new sound alienates long-time fans of the band.  For instance, the first single, “Is It Any Wonder,” with it’s up-front and edgy rhythms created through the use of some vintage guitar pedals, sounds more like a track lifted from a Strokes album than a mournful Keane tune and could come as quite a shock.  In fact, for the old-school fans, there is really only one track, “Nothing In My Way,” that recalls the comfortable and plodding drum, piano and vocal dynamic of Keane’s earlier work.

    If you’re looking for a snappy, toe-tapping little disc to help get you through the day, skip this one.  However, if you’re the kind of person who enjoys watching paint dry, snails fuck or golf on TV, this is right up your alley.    

    Rating:  3 out of 5
       

    m4m-july6-dashboard.jpg Artist: Dashboard Confessional
    Album: Dusk and Summer
    Bastard Love Child of: The Cure and *INSERT EMO BAND HERE*
    Best for: Hating your parents and writing poetry about the guy you like who doesn’t even notice you.

    chris.jpg

    All right. . .let’s get this out of the way right now.  A lot has been written about the mythical good looks of Dashboard Confessional’s lead singer, Chris Carrabba.  In fact, everything I have ever read about the guy mentions this fact at least once.  That’s him, right there. . .and yes, people, he is TOTALLY hot.  I would SOOO do him, all the sickest, most depraved, “illegal in Southern states” shit I could think of and I would do it to every single hole God gave him. . .if I were gay.  But I’m not.  So his “super dreamy” good looks are completely irrelevant to me. . .much like his music.

    Now, I’m sure that I’ll probably end up getting (more) hate mail for saying this, lord knows the emo kids love to write. . .usually in a poetry journal. . .but I’m not a Dashboard Confessional fan.  Chris’s penchant for wrapping his vulnerable love poems in a warm and fuzzy pop blanket is just a little “too pussy” for my tastes.  But I will say this, if Dashboard Confessional was around when I was in high school, holy statutory, Batman, I would have gotten so much more “˜tang.  And I ain’t talking about the orange-flavored astronaut drink.  I’m talking about the high school chicks out there that eat this shit up with a spoon.  Not that I know from personal experience.  I’ve just heard.  That’s my story, Dateline.  I’m sticking to it.

    m4m-july6-tang.gif

    I wish ALL ‘Tang was Orange flavored. That would be soooo cool.  

    Now, regardless of my feelings regarding D.C., as the kids like to call them, I really dig the Emo scene.  But holy crap, these guys take shoe-gazing Emo to a whole new level.  Take the lyrics from the latest disc, Dusk & Summer, which I firmly believe (but haven’t confirmed) to have been written by a 12 year old goth girl.   Seriously. . .”The sky glows/I see it shining when my eyes close?”Â  What the hell does that even mean, little 12 year old goth girl?  Not a clue.  But who am I kidding?  Cheesy, juvenile lyrics and off-the-chart “pussy” factor aside, the real reason that I’ve never been into these guys (well, really guy) is because all of their songs sound the same.  I’m not exaggerating.  It’s called variety, Chris, and I’m told that it is the “spice of life.”Â  Perhaps you should sprinkle some on your tear-stained acoustic to help me differentiate between your songs.  Oh yeah, and Chris?  Knock off the bad, Robert Smith imitation.  It’s irritating.

    There are a few songs on Dusk and Summer that do “stand out”. . .sorta, with “So Long, So Long” coming immediately to mind.  Featuring some piano work tinkling in the background and guest vocals from the Counting Crow’s Adam Duritz, this is, hands down, the best song on the disc.  In fact, it’s so good in comparison to the rest of the album, I’m going to write a poem about it in my journal.  Sure, the lyrics suck harder then Jenna Jamison in “Up and Cummers 20,” but hey, I can look past that for this one song.  I also seem to recall that “Slow Decay,” with its heavier guitar sound, didn’t totally suck but that’s mostly because it helped to break up the monotony of the rest of the album.  For that, I am grateful.

    This album isn’t terrible. . .no where NEAR being on par with Coulier. . .but it really isn’t that good either.  Suffice it to say, if you are NOT a 12 year old goth girl whose parents “TOTALLY don’t understand her,” you won’t get a whole lot out of Dusk and Summer. . .except maybe a gay fantasy and a craving for a powdered, orangey drink.

    Rating:  2.5 out of 5

    AND NOW. . .A WORD FROM DOUBLE A. . .

    m4m-july6-droct.jpg Artist: Dr. Octagon/Kool Keith
    Album: The Return of Doctor Octagon
    Bastard Love Child of: Waylon Jennings & Herbie Hancock
    Best for: Background music as you practice your Ventriloquist act

     

    Ahhh, Dr. Octagon.  You all remember Dr. Octagon, right?  Fat guy?  Bowl haircut?  Eight arms?  Always fighting Spider-Man?  You know, this guy”¦

    m4m-july6-octopus.gif

    Oh, wait.  That’s Dr. Octopus, not Dr. Octagon.  My bad.  Dr. Octagon is a rapper, Dr. Octopus is a criminal mastermind that constantly tries to take over the world but is persistently thwarted by a guy in a spandex jumpsuit.  I always get those two confused.  Well I guess that’s to be expected, since by my count Dr. Octagon has 54 aliases.  See, he’s also know as Kool Keith.. .Dr. Dooom.  . .the Black Elvis.  Ok, I think that’s it.  I guess I exaggerated a little bit.  But the point is there is a veritable cornucopia of Octagon related goodness out there if you know where to look, but it’s very easy to get confused.

    Now, on to the business at hand.  There are two key things that are very different about this album, The Return of Doctor Octagon, than many of the other Kool Keith-esqe releases.  First off, the beats are so much better.  Pretty much everything I have heard prior to this album all contained stagnant beats.  I’m not saying that the beats weren’t good, it’s just that there was no variation to them for the duration of the song.  Picture it like this.  Imagine your getting busy with your lady/guy/hand/inflatable doll.  Using the same move repeatedly gets old after a few minutes, right?  I mean it’s still sex, and that’s good, but it could be much better.  When you throw in a little dip, a twist or a tickle of the Tar-Star, things get that much more exciting.  That the same with the older Kool Keith stuff.  It serves the purpose, but it’s not that exciting.  The Return of Doctor Octagon has all the dips, twists and tickles one could want in a sex act, I mean rap disc.

    m4m-july6-dummy.jpg

    Now that little sex analogy brings me to the second difference.  Kool Keith is one dirty dude.  I am talking dirty, like, well, like something that’s really, really dirty.  Like the homeless guy in front of your local grocery store.  Well, no, not really dirty like that.  I’m talking dirty like an R. Kelly video.  The typical Kool Keith rap goes into so much detail that most porn stars would blush and cover their ears.  The Return of Doctor Octagon, however, is fairly tame

    Doc Oct knows how to rap, plain and simple, and he proves it on this disc.  With the help of One Watt Sun, who supplied the beats, this album, from start to finish, is better than just about any other recent rap album out there.  By far the best songs on the disc are the first three, “Trees,” “Aliens,” and “Ants,” with “Aliens” being the strongest of those.  With great rhymes and a tempo that gradually increases as the song goes on, “Aliens” is a great tune that will get you moving. 

    The only low points on The Return of Doctor Octagon are the obligatory “rap disc intro” and the silly, “in-between-song” skits.  While the intro and skits are funny, you really don’t need to listen to them more than once and they quickly become annoying.  However, the only real complaint that I have of this album is that it is way to short.  Clocking in at just over a half hour, there is way too much promise to be this short. 

    Rating:  4.5 out of 5

    SUPERMAN CONTEST WINNERS!!!

    m4m-july6-supes.jpg

     

    Well, folks, that was a fun little contest and I appreciate everyone who entered.  I especially appreciate the fact that those who DID enter, had to go through a little extra leg work to do so.  You see, it appears that the powers that be here dropped our email addresses from the bottom of the page. . .D’OH!!!  But alas, you, kind readers, are nothing if not resourceful.  So, without further ado, here are the winners, in no particular order. . .      

    Chris R. ““ “I was going to submit “Rainbow Kryptonite,” makes him dance faster than a speeding bullet, or “Red/yellow/green Kryptonite” makes him turn his one curl into a dreadlock and gives him very red eyes and makes him fly really slow and paranoid, but I rejected those as somehow offensive to someone somewhere.

    So how about Brown Kryptonite, makes him feel like shit? Nah, maybe not.

    Yellow Kryptonite, pisses him off? (You see the theme here).

    Alright, maybe Vertically Striped Kryptonite, makes him taller? That one seems inoffensive to anyone…”
     

    Aaron B. ““ “Blue Kryptonite – Also Known as “Viagra” Kryptonite.  Wont go into details, but lets just say that Lois wont be able to walk right for a week after exposure.”Â 

    Dan L. ““ “The type of Kryptonite that I found is pink and if Superman comes in contact with it he is automatically whisked away to West Hollywood where he never has to take off his cape and tights, well unless he wants to, I suppose..
     A place where he can be Superman all the time and no one will question him or look at him strange.  Allegedly Robin has been trying to send this type of Kryptonite to Supes for years.”
     

    Tony H. ““ “While picking up fossilized dog crap in my backyard I was wondering why I had so much to pick up considering I don’t own a dog when I happened upon a chunk of Northwestern Black kryptonite.  How does it differ from the regular black kryptonite originally introduced in the comic?
     

     Well, it has this psychotropic effect on Kal-El:
    “All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything…
    All the love gone bad turned my world to black
    Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I will”
     

    While this is running through his head in an endless loop it makes him susceptible to hoards of Pearl Jam fans that just can’t understand why he thinks their newest album isn’t as good as Vs.  They spent weeks and weeks making rambling arguments and counterarguments with Superman powerless to stop them.  Meanwhile, Lex and Braniac hold the bottled city of Kandor hostage rendering Superman powerless and unleashes on the world the most heinous crime in history:  The release of Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Strikes Again.”
     

    Nice work, gentlemen. . .and I use that term loosely.  Enjoy the discs!! 

    Well, friends, that’s going to do it for this week, so, until next time, keep wearin’ it proud and playin’ loud!

    Send Books of Mormon, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:

    M.C. Bell
    P.O. Box 1222
    Arvada, CO 80001 

     

     

  • Music For The Masses

     

    musicmasses.jpg

     

    Hello again, friends and. . .umm, Pearl Jam fans.  Long time, no see!  I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you had little snippets of that Streisand/Diamond song running through your head. . .”You don’t bring me flowers, you don’t sing me love songs.”Â  Yeah, sorry about that, but I gotta tell you, the move to the new site was a bitch.  The trucking company got lost, the china hutch was scratched and those damn movers dropped a couple of my Humel’s.  But hey. . .all minor inconveniences because check out this place!  What do you think of the classy, new digs, huh?  Pretty damn “shi-shi,” don’t you think?  Of course, I’m going to have to ask you to leave your shoes at the door, remember to flush and for the love of all that is holy, keep your grubby mitts to yourself.  You break it, you buy it.

    So, now that we have THAT out of the way, the new powers that be here at the “˜Shoo. . .er, “˜Stop, felt that a re-introduction might be in order.  So bear with me as I tell you a little bit about myself.  For starters, my name is M.C. and I’m an ex-radio DJ living in Colorado, or, as people on the coasts like to call it, “one of those fucking red states.”Â  I’ve been told that I have the attention span of a retard in a room full of rubber balls (Love you, mom!!!) and I like to write about music.  Why do I like to write about music?”Â  Easy.  I do it for the children. . . like these little whipper-snappers. . .

    m4m-june22-kids.jpg

    That’s odd. . . I thought dogs buried bones in the yard.

    Sweet enough to give you cavities, huh?

    My “turn-on’s” include finger puppets, “ass-play,” progressive metal, Brazilian “fart” porn, the Beatles, amputees, the “Manchester sound” and Spiderman Underoos ®.  Turn off’s are line dancing, “creative” facial hair, Clay Aiken, the name “Dave,” anything with pork in it, bukaki, message board music snobs and bands named Coulier.  Oh yeah, and I’m a Virgo. . .but please don’t hold that against me.  I just haven’t found the right girl, yet.

     

    m4m-june22-carmen.jpg

    Just so we’re clear. . .THIS is the right girl.

    For fun, I play beer league hockey, the guitar and “with myself.”Â  I have an extensive comics collection and I’ve seen “Raiders of the Lost Ark” 23 times. . .3 of those times, I was what the “squares” like to call “sober.” My secondary goal, (the main being, of course, to become a Mormon prophet), is to inform you of some new releases, from bands both big and small, in a slightly different, and  unconventional way. . .umm, in case you haven’t figured that out yet.  In other words, don’t you be comin’ into ma’ house an’ expectin’ yo’ mamma’s reviews.  *SNAP!!*  Unh unh!

    Oh yeah, and if I say something about a band you like that offends you?  Relax.  We’re here to have fun and don’t forget that these are just my opinions.  And you know what they say about opinions, don’t you?  That’s right. . .they’re like assholes.  This is my asshole.  Enjoy it, but go slow.  My safety word is “Banana.”

    So, friends, both new and old, what do you say?  Ready to jump back in?  Fantastic!  We have a couple of new discs for you to check out below, one reviewed by yours truly and the other is from a new, regular, co-contributer climbing on board, A.A. (yes, like the support group).  Double A will be handling the world of rap. . .whoops!. . .I mean, hip hop, mostly to give the kids something to read, and any menial chores that I can dream up.  For instance, I was just noticing today that my toe nails are getting AWFULLY long.  Basically, you can consider him the “Choda Boy” to my “Orgazmo.”Â  Good Stuff.

     

    m4m-june22-trey.jpg

    We are also going to shoot for making this a weekly column, but I gotta be honest with you.  There’s a better chance of Ellen going straight, so we’ll see.

    But enough about all that.  You folks ready?  Good. . .let’s check out some “newish” releases.

     

    m4m-june22-g_guots.jpg Artist: Guster
    Album: Ganging Up On The Sun 
    Bastard Love Child of: World Party and the Beach Boys 
    Best for: Doing keg laps and drinking from a “beer bong” at the Tri-Delt mixer.

     

    m4m-june22-gus.jpg

    Guster:  Backstage in preparation for their “Puppetry of the Penis” audition.

    If you would have come up to me a few years ago and told me that you had a “cool band with two acoustic guitars and a bongo” for me to check out,  I would have told you to “lay off the pot, you patchouli-smelling freak.”Â  Then I would have grabbed you by your dreads© and beaten the Patagonia® out of you with your own Birkenstock®.  However, if you quickly told me, in between swings, that the band you were referring to was Guster, I would have immediately picked you up, “dusted” you off as best I could and offered you a chai to quench your cotton-mouth and a clove cigarette.   I would have looked at you and said, with tears welling in my eyes, “Sorry, dirty hippy. . .I just assumed. . .”

    Seriously, when I first heard of this band, from a buddy who used that very same “two dudes on acoustics and a guy with bongo’s” description, I was thinking to myself “You gotta be fucking kidding me” and thoughts of tie-dyed, hacky-sackin’ hula hoopers danced through my head.  “Kumbaya, muva’ sucka’!!!”Â  But my friend insisted that the band rocked, in a decidedly non-hippy way, and drug me, against my will, to see them at the Winter Park Music fest.  That was 6 years ago, friends, and I have been thanking him ever since because that one show blew my mind.  Guster’s live set that day was amazing and hilarious and their music was IMMEDIATELY accessible.  In fact, I have been a huge fan of them ever since and I will fully admit that I love this band.  And yes, smart ass, I would marry them. . .if I lived in Canada, but I don’t.  We’ve already covered that.

      

    m4m-june22-cup.jpg

    Of course, today, die hard fans will tell you that they hardly recognize the college band from Tufts who, more than a decade ago, first “wowed” fans by unleashing their quirky sense of humor and the Thunder God, Brian Rosenworcel, on unsuspecting audiences.  Good lord, friends, believe me when I tell you that this guy can beat the shit out of the skins. . .kinda like Yanni, only replace the word “skins” with “wife.”Â  However, each subsequent studio release, from Lost and Gone Forever, to the latest, Ganging Up On The Sun, has seen Brian beat it less with his hand and more with a stick as the bongo has been slowly replaced with an acoustic kit.  Hell, I can’t recall hearing a whole lot of bongo on the new disc.  Let me check again. . .wait a minute. . .there’s some hiding on the new disc’s second track, “Satelite.”Â  Tap, tap. . .tappity tap.

    But as we have learned here at the site, change can be good, and in the case of the new disc, Ganging Up On The Sun, change is fantastic. . .especially when that “change” comes courtesy of multi-instrumentalist, co-producer and fourth, honorary band member, Joe Pisapiai.  Joe is one talented motha’. . .shut yo’ mouth!. . .and his impact on the band and their music has been both immediate and undeniable.  A few trips through the disc and it’s easy to discern that the melodies are more clean, the harmonies more rich, the arrangements more tight and the sound, overall, more memorable.  In fact, that is one of my favorite things about this disc. . .it rewards repeated listenings by giving you something new each time;  new hook here, a clever lyric there. . .a hint of bongo over there.
     

    Highlights on this disc are the flat-out, sister-pumpin’, country rocker, “The Captain,” the straightforward, harmony-laced, first single, “One Man Wrecking Machine” and the epic-length “Ruby Falls.”Â  I will admit, the album grinds to a halt on the weak and weary “Empire State” (Track 9) and fails to regain any steam as the bands penchant for pig-blapping you with the mighty hook wanes.  But who really cares?  Bad Guster still trumps most of the crap out there today.  Good job, Guster, but next time. . .MORE BONGO!!!

    m4m-june22-yanni.jpg

    Yanni says: “Buy Guster or you’ll make Yanni angry.  You wouldn’t like Yanni when he’s angry.”

    Rating:  4 out of 5

    AND NOW. . .A WORD FROM DOUBLE A. . .  

    m4m-june22-ic_lncl.jpg Artist: Ice Cube 
    Album: Laugh Now, Cry later 
    Bastard Love Child of: Loretta Lynn and Roy Orbison? 
    Best for: Pourin’ a little on the curb fo’ yo’ dead hommies.

     

    What’s this?  Are your eyes deceiving you?  Could this be an actual review of a rap album?  While your eyes maybe playing tricks on you (yes, I know what you were doing before you clicked over here) this is an honest to Zeus hip hop review.  Are you ready?  Got your seat belt on?  You know, they have all those “Click It Or Ticket” things going on now.  So, here we go.

    It’s been 6 years, and 9 movies, since Ice Cube released a full length album, and to be honest his last effort, War & Peace the Peace Album, wasn’t exactly what most people have come to expect from the world of Cube.  There were a few good tunes on the disc, but it really seemed that Mr. Cube had lost a step on the whole rap game.  Perhaps it was his role in Anaconda that messed him up for a bit.  I know when I wrestle with my giant snake every night I’m always left traumatized.

    But now, with the release of Laugh Now, Cry Later, Ice Cube is once again good for something other than making a tasty beverage cool and refreshing.  The key to this album is a return to what made Ice Cube great in the first place.  Unapologetic, hard core gangster rap.  This album is probably not for the Ice Cube fans that most fondly remember him like this”¦

    m4m-june22-tackle.jpg

    Or like this”¦

    m4m-june22-clown.jpg

    Ice, shaking hands with the President.
     

    No, this is an album for the straight up rap fans.  Believe me, if your kid thought Ice Cube was funny in “Are We There Yet?” stay away from this album.  Well, I mean you could get it for your kid.  Just don’t get mad at me when your kid starts dropping “F” bombs like a Pearl Jam fan sending e-mails to MC.  But I digress”¦

    Laugh Now, Cry Later is pretty tight from start to finish.  I would even go as far as to say it’s as tight as Queen Latifa’s wardrobe in her last movie, but I never saw it, so that would only be conjecture on my part.  The album starts off with the obligatory introduction and at times meanders through the even more obligatory “rap disc skit” but for the most part, every song on the disc is good.  From the first single “Why We Thugs” to the last song “Holla @ Cha’ Boy,” there are really no fast forward songs on the disc.  The highlights of this album are the previously mentioned, anthem like “Why We Thugs” and “Doin’What It “˜Pose 2Do.”Â  Guest stars like Snoop Dog and Lil Jon only help things along.  The beats are good, the flows are tight (resisting urge to make another Queen Latifa joke, resisting”¦urge”¦) and overall this is a great album that is sure to get Ice Cube back to his rightful place near the top of the rap hierarchy.

    m4m-june22-bike.jpg

    Now for the bad business.  Listening through this album, one cant help but think of how far Ice Cube has come.  Back in the day of NWA and his album Lethal Injection listeners had the feeling that Ice Cube probably did the things that he was rapping about.  But with his recent movies, some of the lyrics on Laugh Now, Cry Later, just seem, well, laughable.  I’m not saying that they are hokey or anything, just that Ice Cube has lost a bit of his street cred over the years, and hearing lines about “busting gats” and all his baby mammas just don’t jive with the Ice Cube that we will certainly remember like this”¦

    Rating:  4 out of 5 stars

    LOOK, UP IN THE SKY!!!  IT’S A BIRD! A PLANE! A CONTEST!!!

    “Easy, Miss.  I’ve got you.”

    “You’ve got me?? Who’s got YOU!?

    What better way to celebrate the re-launch of this site, than some free schwag, huh?  The fine folks at Rhino Records and CineMedia (Thanks, Beth!!) are offering up some copies, 5 to be exact, of the soundtrack to possibly the biggest movie to drop this summer that doesn’t have a pirate in it.  That’s right, friends. . .Supreman Returns.  Here is little description of this gem:

    m4m-june22-super.jpg

    “The thrilling and dramatic score from Superman Returns, the highly anticipated film featuring the Man of Steel’s latest heroic adventure, arrives in stores June 27, with nearly an hour of music from award-winning composer John Ottman (Fantastic Four, X2). The score album will be enhanced with an exclusive video interview with the film’s director, Bryan Singer (X2: X-Men United, X-Men, The Usual Suspects), a featurette on the making of the score and two trailers for the film.

    Recorded with a 97-piece orchestra led by conductor Damon Intrabartolo, SUPERMAN RETURNS: ORIGINAL MOTION PICTURE SCORE features Ottman’s epic score including his unique twists on themes that John Williams composed for the original 1978 film, such as the classic main theme, “Superman March.” Superman Returns stars newcomer Brandon Routh, Kate Bosworth, Parker Posey and Kevin Spacey. Released by Warner Bros. Pictures, the film will open nationwide on June 30.”

    I honestly can’t tell you how cool it is to hear this disc kick off with Ottman’s take on William’s original score from the first movie.  Good stuff.  So, I’m sure you’re sitting there now, scratching your. . .umm, head, and wondering how you can win one of these.  Simple.  While cleaning up aged dog turds in your backyard, you happen upon, what you believe to be, a chunk of Kryptonite.  Send me an email with the subject, SUPERMAN, and tell me the color and what effect it has on Supes.  The 5 most creative entries win.  Pretty simple, huh?  Have fun with this one and good luck!!

    Well, friends, that is going to do it for this week.  Hope you had fun!  Until next time, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud!

    Send rubber balls, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:

    M.C. Bell
    P.O. Box 1222
    Arvada, CO 80001

    E-MAIL ME

    Check us out at the Scoop News!

     

     

  • Music for the Masses

    May 31st, 2006

    By M.C. Bell

    Welcome back, friends! Hope you’re all doing well. Me? I’m doing great and thanks for asking. But I gotta tell you, like many of you out there, I am still recovering from that emotional roller coaster ride that ended last week. I mean, whoa. . .I’m tearing up just thinking about it. How cool, nay, how inspiring was it to see a mentally retarded young man chase his dreams and reach the pinnacle of success? That’s a rhetorical question, of course, because it was damn cool. Damn inspiring. So, before we go any further, let’s give a shout out to this amazing young man. That’s right, Soul Patrol, give it up for our boy, Taylor “Corky” Hicks! WHOOOO!!!! High five!!!





    DEE DE DEEEE!!!

    In fact, friends, I found Taylor’s story so inspiring, I, too, began the quest to fulfill my secret dream. No, not the one where I’m the “pants-less” warden of an all-female prison, the other one. . .where I’m a popular singer. Now, unlike Taylor, I fancy myself to be more of a country crooner and the whole “M.C.” thing didn’t fit. So the first thing I had to do was to come up with a catchy, country-sounding “stage name.” Then, of course, I actually had to learn HOW to sing. THAT was the tough part. But, after many months of study and practice, all my hard work has paid off and I am finally ready to release my first album. So, friends, as you head out to the record store to pick up Taylor’s new disc, Grey-Haired Palms, grab yourself a copy of my new album. . .




    And yes, ladies. . .I AM single.

    Oh yeah, that reminds me. Some other people released some new discs that you might be interested in, as well. For instance, there’s a new album from an old friend, Jack White, plus a couple of cool, little releases from Rookie of the Year and the Ditty Bops. So, what do you say? Let’s have a listen, eh?





    Artist: Raconteurs
    Album: Broken Toy Soldiers
    Bastard Love Child of: White Stripes and the Traveling Wilburys.
    Best for: Understanding that a raconteur is a person who is good at telling stories.




    Hinkley High School Chess Club, 1998

    It’s not uncommon for a White Stripe fan to wonder what their band would sound like with the addition of a bass player. In fact, some fans, like Redd Kross’ bass player Steve McDonald, went one step further and actually dropped bass lines all over the Stripes’ White Blood Cells. . .to umm, mixed reviews. Well, fans, wonder no more. . .sorta. You see, Jack White, the creepy-looking, fashion-challenged guitar virtuoso, has temporarily dumped his sister/mother/secret lover/drummer/bandmate, Meg White, to join forces with a couple of his other buddies; namely guitarist Brendan Benson and the entire rhythm section of the Cincinnati rock band, the Greenhornes (bassist Jack Lawrence and drummer Patrick Keeler). And let me be the first to tell you, folks, together, as the Raconteurs, White and friends have crafted music that is much sweeter and more pop-oriented than anything the White Stripes or the Greenhornes ever produced on their own.

    I attribute this new found “sweetness” to the exceptional harmonizing between White and Benson, who share guitar and vocal leads on the disc, as well. The dual vocals here are a nice touch and add impressive depth and variety to many of the tracks to ensure repeated listenings. Now, admittedly, there is nothing on this tight little album, whose 10 songs clock in at a brisk 34 minutes, as insanely catchy as the groups first single, “Steady As She Goes.” So be forewarned. The other tracks have ample hooks, both lyrically and musically, but it will take a few trips through the disc to really get you warmed up. Also, if you are simply looking for a “new” White Stripes disc with some different, and freakier looking players, keep looking. The only song on Broken Toy Soldiers that even comes close to sounding like a Stripes song is the title track. Backed by crunchy, Middle Eastern-style guitar drones and crisp drumming, White’s tortured falsetto will bring to mind the last Stripes album, Get Behind Me Satan. But that’s as close as you’re going to get to White Stripes goodness. I would recommend going into this album thinking “Traveling Wilburys-lite.” And no, that’s not a bad thing.

    Additionally, if you are a fan of White’s riffing and solo bursts, you are going to have to dig deep into the disc to find them. The only two songs here that really allow Jack to flex any guitar muscle come late in the disc with “Store Bought Bones,” a tough sounding, prog-rock epic that is equal parts Deep Purple and Zeppelin and the album closer, “Blue Veins,” a bluesy, whiskey-soaked ballad choke full of White’s “alt-blues” chops.

    It’s highly likely that this album will stand as a one-shot wonder, so enjoy it while it lasts. Consider it a half hour well spent.

    Rating: 4 out of 5





    Artist: Rookie of the Year
    Album: The Goodnight Moon
    Bastard Love Child of: Jimmy Eat World and Yellowcard.
    Best for: Gazing at your shoes while waiting for the fries to cook.


    So. . .do you kids like emo music? Do bands like Copeland, Jimmy Eat World, Death Cab for Cutie and The Juliana Theory make your pimples tingle? Well, my friends, do I have a band for you. Their name? Rookie of the Year.





    Rookie of the Year. . .helping to make “comb-overs” cool since 2004.

    Now, in all fairness, I’ve had this disc sitting on my desk for almost two months, but, after a cursory pass, I never gave it a second thought. That was a mistake!! Kinda like that one time I went to a Melissa Etheridge concert to meet chicks. Luckily, though, I got a second chance at this band as they rolled through Denver with another phenomenal (and underrated) band, MuteMath. I’ll tell you right now, with the energy of the live show and the immediate accessibility of the music, color me impressed. Of course, I’m not saying that Rookie of the Year’s music is breaking down barriers or re-defining emo. Far from it. But screw it. . .these guys know how to play to their strengths and they do the emo genre proud with heartfelt vocals and soaring harmonies, lush choruses and persistent, harmonic guitar leads. And really, fellow “shoe gazers,” what more could we ask for?

    Rookie of the Year’s, The Goodnight Moon, is the first, full length disc from this North Carolina band and their first as a four-piece. You see, RotY (as the “cool” people like to call them) started life as the acoustic solo project of vocalist/guitarist Ryan Dunson. . .that’s him up there, second from the right. . .yeah, with the comb-over. However, Ryan soon realized that he would be better served with an actual band and recruited guitarist Mike Kamerman, bassist Pat Murphy and drummer TJ Holt. For good measure, he tossed in acclaimed indie producer, Ed Rose (The Get Up Kids), and ended up with a strong disc “filled to the brim” with well-written, thoughtful and catchy-as-all-hell pop tunes.




    Emo Phillips. . .no relation to Emo genre.

    The disc opens with “The Goodnight Moon,” an ambient track whose slow build bleeds seamlessly into the first “real” song, “Poison Like Your Own.” It’s with this track that the listener gets their first taste of Dunson’s dynamic and yearning vocals. It’s also the listeners first taste of the un-inspired, sometimes clichéd lyrics (“I’m drowning for your love. . .”), my only real knock to this band. Musically, though, the band provides numerous high points on this disc, dropping hook after hook with a nice blend of acoustic and electric guitars. My personal favorites are the slow waltz of “Silhouettes (All Eyes Above),” the finger snapping “Sign of Her Glory” and the slow burn of “The Blue Roses.” I will admit, the disc loses steam on the closing tracks as Ryan reverts back to a more solo-oriented, acoustic approach, but when the band is working together, they are truly something to behold.

    The Goodnight Moon is a great, little “surprise” of a disc that is well suited to repeated listenings and new “favorites” emerge each time. If you are a fan of the emo scene, I highly recommend this disc. First and foremost, because it’s fantastic, secondly, these guys are some of the coolest musicians I have ever met. And hey, if you ever get a chance to see these guys live, do it, and after the show, be sure to ask them about how their van got towed at the Denver show. Good stuff.

    Rating: 4 out of 5





    Artist: The Ditty Bops
    Album:
    Moon Over The Freeway
    Bastard Love Child of: Jenny Lewis and The Dresden Dolls
    Best for: Background music as you get dressed in your Dr. Frank-N-furter costume for the midnight showing of Rocky Horror.




    Sometimes, I secretly wish I was a bike seat.

    It’s hard to believe, but The Ditty Bops (the smoking hot duo of former model Amanda Barrett and tomboy hottie, Abby Dewald), with their eclectic musical combination of folk, ragtime, pop, jugband, country swing, jazz and alternative, have created the musical equivalent of a puppy. I mean, good lord. . .this is the cutest, most adorable music you will ever hear and I don’t care how big of a cynical bastard or bitch you may be, it’s going to bring a smile to your face. . .guarenteed.


    Does that mean that the music is childish and silly? Hardly. You see, under the “cute” veneer lurks a couple of accomplished musicians and brilliant vocalists who are as comfortable wielding dulcimers, toy pianos and accordions as they are mandolins, banjos and acoustic guitars. In fact, Moon Over The Freeway, the second disc from the L.A. duo, is actually a mature and sophisticated album that readily shows that the girls have actually grown in confidence and musical prowess from their first outing.


    That being said, I’ll admit that it’s easy to lose site of the “maturity and sophistication” amongst the odd instrumentation which, at times, sounds too whimsical to have any substance. But keep digging and you’ll quickly realize that the unique instrumentation and throw-back sound, although extremely prominent, are not meant to be the focal point of the girls sound. On the contrary, over the course of any given track, the music becomes unobtrusive and serves as the perfect counterpoint for the girls beautiful voices as they weave around one another and blend together to mesmerizing effect.



    Personally, every track on this disc is a winner, but my personal favorites are “Your Head’s Too Big,” with the brilliant line “Your head’s so big and tall how is it that your thoughts are so small” and “Waking Up In The City,” which features the following lyric: “We’ll frolic in the pesticide grass underneath the smog/Don’t gotta worry ’bout bee stings!/Don’t gotta worry ’bout ants!”


    If you are looking for a true, alternative experience, pick up this disc. Or hell, catch the girls on one of their many stops as they peddle across the country on their bikes to promote the new album. Good stuff all the way around and you won’t be disappointed.


    Rating: 4 out of 5

    PEARL JAM FANS STRIKE BACK. . .UMM, SORTA.




    As promised, here are the only, two Pearl Jam-related letters that I received that didn’t just call me a douche bag. By the way. . .what the hell is a douche bag? Is there really such a thing and is it even bad? Ladies. . .why do you put them in a bag? Are you saving them? Wouldn’t it be easier to just throw them away? And, most importantly, why did 5, separate emails each start out with “You are a douche bag?” Is this some kind of agreed upon, “secret” Pearl Jam put down? Seriously. Pretty weird shit. At any rate, here are a couple of really cool Pearl Jam fans:


    Leo Lucky writes:

    I have to say you just made me a life-long fan of anything you write with that column – and I mean the whole thing, even though I’m writing in about the PJ piece. Seriously, keep that shit up and don’t ever change.

    And now for the riot act (note: this letter will be filled with these half-veiled PJ references, so look out). I first saw the band open up for the Chili Peppers back in 90 at a place in Dallas called The Basement (which, alas, no longer exists). I was quite impressed by this loud, angry, rocking sound and the little guy up front who was jumping all over the place. By the time Evenflo came out (it was a slow burn, if you remember), I had my friends anticipating them at the first EdgeFest (it was actually an Earth Day concert, I think) again in Dallas my senior year of high school (1992). They rocked the joint so hard that no one even stayed for the headliner, Dramarama (“˜member them?).

    And then they hit. We all know the rest of the story.

    But let’s talk about me. In the time between Versus (originally titled “˜Five Against the World’) and the misstep that was Vitology, I had collected 20 or so PJ bootlegs, every single import, single, vinyl, and still to this day have magazine articles and Rolling Stone covers from that period. This was MY band. I discovered them. They belonged to me. This was literally true among my circle of friends, and back then they were hard-driving gods of rock and roll whose live performances were epic religious experiences for me. I was a front-row fan all the way, completely enthralled in a state of love and trust. I have a DirtyFrank T-Shirt, for crying out loud. I apologized for Vitology, Eddie’s marbles, and the fact that they were so into PETA (rats have rights? You’ve got to be kidding me). By the time No Code was said and done, I stopped apologizing. I think even I could feel the slippage. And Vedder had stopped jumping around on everything. He actually kicked me in the hand once at Lollapalooza 92 when he swung out over the crown on a rope ladder. Think THAT didn’t pump me up? WOW! But lately he just kind of stands there bouncing his bob up and down and making slurred, mumbled, hopefully ironic statements about the government. The band’s evolution has just made this fan extinct.

    (Whew) All that being said, I actually think Binaural and Yield are great discs, though they rarely capture the might of the first two discs. I bought the last one but only listened to it once (can’t even remember the name or bring myself to do enough research to find it) because it sucked and I wasn’t in the mood to listen to some old fart (Vedder’s in his 40s) bitch and moan about things he really was ignorant on anyway. Yes, the rest of the band is extremely talented, but Eddie decided to stop really using his voice sometime before Yield. Gone is that super-scream that had me going so much back in the grunge days. In its place is something weak. Why go home? Cause it just ain’t what it used to be, and it’s a damn shame when it happens. Metallica is going through it right now, and it’s freaking painful to listen to.

    Now, I still haven’t missed one of their tours, and they still put on a fantastic show (the way Black rolls out in a live performance is subtle, amazing, and gets more and more interesting as the years go by), but seeing as they’re not coming anywhere within a 4 hour drive of Dallas this year I won’t be seeing them. Can’t say I’m all that upset. I grew out of defending them a long time ago, and think Vedder’s just a little silly nowadays. That there are still guys out there that will is pathetic, but to each their own – after all, I’ll write you a dissertation on Supergrass any day.

    Until then, here’s me not buying that avocado-laden self-titled offering. Don’t call me, daughter. I just can’t be bothered.

    Great column, man.


    Thanks, Leo Lucky


    And this one from Andrew Waldner:


    Hello there Mr. Bell, just responding to your call on Pearl Jam fans.

    Actually, I have no rebuttal. I have no idea why you think Pearl Jam fans are any more obsessed with defending their band from criticism than other bands’ fans are. Yes we’re a strange cult that there really is no explanation for. And of course I love the band, I’m crazy obsessed with them, to the point I love their last two albums when most of the world barely noticed them. I also admit they have little humor and not everyone’s going to appreciate that. Is there some reason youre entire review was a personal attack? Sure, hate their seriousness, hate their views, but next time try to write a review on the music, not on your own personal feelings.

    Oh, I agree about the new Chili Peppers CD, they really did a fantastic job bringing all their talents onto this one. Although I have to disagree about “Dani California,” I just don’t get anything from it. I think other songs on the album would have been such better lead singles, and it pales in comparison to previous ones like “By the Way.”

    Andrew

    Thanks for writing in, gentlemen, and even more importantly, thanks for reading.


    Well, friends, that is going to do it for this week. So, until next time, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud!


    Send marriage proposals, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:


    M.C. Bell
    P.O. Box 1222
    Arvada, CO 80001