Author: UncaScroogeMcD

HOLMBY HILLS – What was the pinnacle of ’70s TV? Alleged pop culture professors and experts will go on about Roots or the Watergate hearings. But they’re all wrong. The ultimate moment of television that brought together all the outrageous joys of the decade can be found in Playboy’s Roller Disco and Pajama Party. During a quiet night in November of 1979, Hugh Hefner served America a visual feast that made your grandmother’s Thanksgiving dinner look like a trip to the Sizzler.

This was a special that promised two things: Playmates in skimpy outfits and more stars than the Oscars. The show delivered on both which is more than you can say about the Evel Kenievel’s Death Defiers that didn’t feature Evel jumping the sharks in the live footage. There were plenty of Bunnies jumping around in their skates and prancing around in their pajamas.

Many Americans didn’t get to see this special since they had prudish ABC network station owners. This included my local station if my memory is reliable. They might have run a marathon of Billy Graham to distract Jesus from seeing what was being shown in the cool parts of the USA. Since this was the era before cheap VCRs, you couldn’t have you cousin in Boston tape a copy and mail the tape down for forbidden video night. Luckily we now have youtube so those denied by the morality squad can finally see what they were denied. The special has been broken up into four parts. The show has the perfect host in Richard Dawson (The Family Feud). Supposedly Richard had a wild streak that outdid Bob Crane while they worked on Hogan’s Heroes. The first segment gives us time with Playmate Dorothy Stratten. Her tragic short life is covered in Bob Fosse’s Star 80. If you look carefully you can catch glimpses of Peter Bogdanovich who was dating her at the time. Most importantly is Wayland Flowers and Madame riffing to the music of Chuck Mangione. It’s a King of the Hill moment. Hef’s Birthday Olympics with the San Diego Chicken makes me feel all my birthdays have been so lame.

Segment two is all about the Roller Disco action. Hef takes down the nets on the tennis court and lets the girls go around and around. The disco version of Pink Floyd’s “Have A Cigar” should have been a massive hit. Anyone who mocks roller disco will have a change of heart after watching this. Girls in bikinis on wheels shaking it to a cover of Curtis Mayfield’s “Move On Up” is the formula for success. For the ladies at home, there’s the Village People rolling by the screen. What lady of the ’70s didn’t want a touch the feathers on the Indian’s headdress? There’s also a flashback to tennis featuring Bill Cosby before he became encased in ugly sweaters. The most important figure is James Caan (The Godfather and Rollerball). He’s always been legendary as a stud at the Playboy Mansion. You get to glimpse him in his natural habitat on Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. The best moment is when he appears to be only wearing a pair of overalls and rollerskates. Caan looks ready to roll off toward the infamous grotto with Miss September, May and June. He’ll get there fast if he doesn’t clip Jim Brown (Slaughter). This is the moment Hugh Hefner is stuck inside as he meanders around The Girls Next Door. All of his dreams are wheeling around to the disco hits on his tennis court. Most of mine are now of this event and I wasn’t there in person.

Don’t laugh too hard when the local news anchor distance himself from the special. You know who turned off this special in disgust? Anyone who realized Hef didn’t invite them over to the Mansion to shake it down with the Village People. Wayland Flowers and Madame also brighten up the dark room. Did James Caan book the performers to up his chances of scoring with Miss December and Miss July? Although Madame might have gotten stiff with Miss November. The Village People perform the ironic disco tune “Rock and Roll Is Back Again.” Leatherman Glenn Hughes gets funky with the Playmates. He locked eyes with Stratten and she was into him even if he was the Leatherman. So much raw sexual power exudes from Glenn. James Caan broke a sweat thinking his Mansion stud crown was going to be swiped by the megastache. I spoke with Randy Jones, the Cowboy, about this special and swears it was a fun to make as you’ll have watching it. He has fond memories of hanging with Dorothy Stratten. He’s the real reason she didn’t have time to chit chat with Richard Dawson. We get a montage of the future Playmates of the month. Such fond memories of seeing these women in discarded Playboys down by the creek.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the legendary Chuck McCann was in the mansion for this epic event! Now the party has gone into overdrive. I’m so thrilled to see a Playboy party that doesn’t include Fred Durst, Bill Maher, Drew Carey or Paris Hilton. What a special time this was. Is that Patty Hearst? The Village People promote their latest single which has the equally ironic title “Ready For the 80’s.” Glenn once more works his magic on a Playmate Dorothy Stratten. The creepy guy who pushes his way forward to dance with a Playmate next to the Village People should have been arrested by the cop. He’s guilty of obstruction of hotness from the camera. Things wrap up by the pool with Chuck Mangione providing the cool jazz for young lovers in lust.

Damn that station manager that refused to run this on a Friday night. This could have changed my life back in 1979. If you ask Hef what he wants the afterlife to look like – this is his vision of heaven. This is almost my version of heaven. Except it wouldn’t include James Caan cause he’d be swooping in on his rollerskates to steal away the Playmate that wants me in the grotto. If someone asks you “What’ was the point of the ’70s?” Play this video for them. Let them see the glory of the “Playboy Roller Disco and Pajama Party.” Odds are high that shortly after it ends, they’ll cry and declare they were born at the wrong time.

I’m begging Hugh Hefner to fund a documentary that breaks down the special with the stars that made it so memorable. VH1 would run this around the clock. You could make this an E! series.

STOOGES SCRATCH AND LOSE

Down here in North Carolina, the lottery folks made a deal to have the Three Stooges on a scratch and win game. As a Stoogeoholic, this is a cool idea since it’s the classic Moe, Larry and Curley line up and not the cast of the new movie on the tickets. But then the “we know better than you morons in marketing” screwed up worse than Curly solving a plumbing issue. They made the grand prize $20,000 on a $2 ticket.

What’s the point of having the Three Stooges if the prize don’t have threes in them. Grand prize ought to be $33,333. And why charge $2 for a ticket when it ought to be $3 a pop? If you just wanted to deal in the number 2, they should have just hired Abbott and Costello. How much money was wasted on the marketing genius who thought up this campaign? I’ll bet two dollars that the schmuck that signed off on this never watched the Three Stooges cause it was too violent for their tender eyes.

COOL BAND NAME

VHS or Beta is my favorite band name of the month. They have inspired me to start my new band Laserdisc or Selectavision. Their new album Diamonds & Dub is now out. Here’s a single from them.

MEDICAL SHAME

I’m shocked with the recent news that Disney Jr.’s new sensation Doc McStuffin was charged with Medicare fraud in Florida back in 2008.

BLU-RAY HEAVEN

Walking Tall Trilogy is the Movie Event of the spring with the greatest redneck action epic ever made. This is the Lord of the Rings of deep fried Southern action. Getting to see it in Blu-ray will make you want you to buy an HD video projector so you can watch it on a makeshift drive in – like God intended. Walking Tall is a brilliant film on all levels. Buford Pusser quits his pro wrestling dream because he’s sick of the nasty underbelly. He returns home to his boyhood home in Tennessee to raise his family right. He hasn’t a clue how bad things really are in this idealistic town. There’s an extreme underbelly to his town that involves moonshine, gambling, prostitution and drugs. The outskirts of the town are overrun with illegal nightclubs with casino action. What makes things worse is that the gambling is rigged for the house. He gets nasty when a buddy loses his money during a crooked game. The establishment takes exception to Pusser’s accusation. All hell breaks out between him and the goons. Even though Pusser is nearly killed, the local sheriff doesn’t care much for investigating. He’s on the take from the redneck mafia. When he gets payback, the sheriff books him. The law is not on his side. Pusser decides to not merely take the law in his own hands, but to get elected the new sheriff. He won’t carry a gun so he gets noted for taking a piece of lumber into the action. He won’t go on the take so the redneck mafia go full force on him. The offensive is gruesome, but Pusser won’t buckle. This is an amazingly great badass cinema experience. Getting to see Joe Don Baker in 1080p brings out his transformation into Pusser. Joe Don Baker was robbed of an Oscar nomination. He’s perfect in the movie. He can go from lovable lunkhead to hardcore bent for revenge without losing credibility. John Glover (Diamonds Are Forever) is the deputy that reforms his way when Pusser takes over. Real life siblings Dawn Lyn (My Three Sons) and Leif Garrett (Behind the Music play Pusser’s kids. The greatness of the film can be felt in the crappy remake starring The Rock. The new guys completely failed to capture the brilliance and power.

You might even want to stand up and applaud this movie in your TV room. Do it for Joe Don Baker who proves he was more than the star of Mitchell on MST3K. The movie was a massive hit which meant it was ready for a sequel. The producers decided to replace Baker with the real deal. Pusser was going to play himself. Right after making the deal, Pusser went back to Tennessee and died in a car wreck. Rumors swirl as to what really happened to Pusser. The saga had to be told and Bo Svenson walked tall enough to hold the big stick. Walking Tall Part II picks up the story with Pusser still in the hospital recovering from having his face blown apart. This helps explain why Pusser has different chin. The Redneck mafia isn’t done with Pusser. They can’t afford to lose control of this town’s vice rackets. They make another attempt on Pusser’s life bringing in two hitmen. They have to stop Pusser from smashing their moonshine operation. There’s a nasty cross country car chase that really cuts through the countryside.

Final Chapter – Walking Tall wraps up the life of Pusser. He finally gets voted out of office. When things seem bleakest, Hollywood comes a knocking. Is Pusser willing to sell his story? Is he safe from the redneck mafia now that he’s not wearing a star? No need to give too much away although you’ll know why there’s no commentary track from Pusser on the movies. Final Chapter plays hard for the tears. “The Real Buford Pusser” lets his family and friends tell his story. His legacy still lingers in law enforcement. There’s also time with the cast and crew. Leif talks about his time with both Joe Don Baker and Bo. Baker contributes an audio interview to the documentary. There’s vintage trailers and the original making of featurette for The Final Chapter. All three films bring out the Southern locations in the high def transfers. This is the perfect way to appreciate the legacy of Buford Pusser.

DVD SHELF

Route 66: The Complete Series brings together all four seasons of the coolest show ever aired on TV. Two guys, one Corvette and the road was the perfect set up for a series that promised cross country adventure, romance and drama. Route 66 is the legendary highway that snaked from Chicago to California. There’s a lot of place to pull off and explore for two characters. Route 66 really did shoot across America instead of faking America on a Hollywood backlot supplemented with travelogue b-roll. Buz (George Maharis) and Tod (Adam 12‘s Martin Milnar) truly saw America through the windshield.They were like characters in a Jack Keroauc novel except they weren’t so scruffy, high and writing their lifestory at rest stops. Buz and Tod were just about keeping the trip going one more town over. Tod was a formerly rich kid whose dad died and the only thing left was the Corvette. Buz was a hard knocks student who knew how to tempt the ladies. Together they made the perfect team sharing the wheel. The series was part of the original Nick At Nite programming block. This was one of those strange reasons to visit the annoying person that had cable in the mid-80s.

The first season kicks off with the boys lost in Mississippi for “Black November.”. Even though they’re clean cut guys, the locals treat them like the dirty hippies. George Kennedy takes a hating to them. Future spaceman Keir Dullea (2001: A Space Odyssey) puts his feet in the Mississippi mud. “The Swan Bed” involves bird smuggling in New Orleans. “The Man on the Monkey Board” gives the double team of a young Bruce Dern (Big Love) and Ed Asner (Lou Grant). “The Strengthening Angel” nearly runs over Suzanne Pleshette (The Bob Newhart Show). “A Fury Slinging Flame” sets Leslie Nielsen nuts with the fear the Soviet are going to nuke America. “The Quick and the Dead” puts Tod into the Riverside Grand Prix. “Play It Glissando” with Jack Lord and Anne Francis as a troubled couple in the jazz scene. Star Trek‘s DeForest Kelley beams into “The Clover Throne.” “Eleven, the Hard Way” makes Buz and Tod protect Walter Matthau’s gambling cash. “The Newborn” is a fight over a baby that includes Denver Pyle (Dukes of Hazzard) and Robert Duvall (The Godfather). “The Opponent” makes Darren McGavin (Kolchak: The Night Stalker) a washed up boxer wanting to prove himself.

Season two brings back familiar faces. “A Month of Sundays” puts Anne Francis into Butte, Montana. “Blue Murder” makes Suzanne Pleshette a flirty wife. Buz enjoys her attention, but her husband might be a homicidal maniac. Claude Akins (Sheriff Lobo) is part of the family. Time for them to hit the road. “Goodnight Sweet Blues” has a near collision with singer Ethel Waters. She’s dying and wants to reunite with her band on last time. The boys have to do it for her. Included in the group is legend Coleman Hawkins. Robert Duvall (Apocalypse Now) returns as a Bostonian in “Birdcage on My Foot.” “First-Class Mouliak” makes trouble for Robert Redford when a girl disappears in Cleveland. “The Mud Nest” slight spooks with Lon Chaney Jr. (The Wolf Man). Lee Marvin is just badass great in “Mon Petit Chou.” As if this is a column needs a theme, James Caan leaps into “…And the Cat Jumped Over the Moon.” He doesn’t skate around in overalls. Is Frank Sutton (Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.) really a neo-Nazi in “To Walk with the Serpent.” There’s Texas size cast in “A Long Piece of Mischief” with Ben Johnson, Slim Pickens and Denver Pyle. “How Much a Pound is Albatross?” unleashes Julie Newmar (Batman‘s Catwoman) on the boys. “Go Read the River” marks Route 66 being blessed by the Dean of Thespians, Harold Gould. “Love Is a Skinny Kid” not only features Tuesday Weld and Cloris Leachman, but a skinny Burt Reynolds. He doesn’t try to beat the Corvette with his Bandit-mobile. The boys work at a zoo in “Hell Is Empty, All the Devils Are Here.” Peter Graves (Mission: Impossible) is the big time trainer.

People often compare Route 66 to The Fugitive since they dealt with people roaming America. They differ in that Tod and Buz aren’t being hunted down by the cops. “One Tiger to a Hill” has them cross paths with Dr. Kimble. Not really since David Janssen hadn’t started The Fugitive. But he’s got a temper at this point. Buster Keaton provides the slapstick on “Journey to Ninevah.” “Lizard’s Leg and Owlet Wing” gathers Boris Karloff, Peter Lorre and Lon Chaney Jr. at a hotel outside of Chicago. They’re plotting their return to scare America. Can Buz and Tod stop them? Buz does get stopped this season. George Maharis had gotten sick while making one of the episodes. Because of the travel and work schedule, Maharis couldn’t get well. They tried to give him time by having solo Tod episodes including hooking up with Julie Newmar in “Give the Old Cat a Tender Mouse.” Maharis had to leave the show. This meant a new rider for Tod. “Fifty Miles from Home” picks up Linc (Glenn Corbett). Linc is a Vietnam Vet. Even though it’s only 1963, Linc feels something has changed within him after his time in Southeast Asia. He wants to find a meaning to life by his time on the road. “The Cruellest Sea of All” features the mermaids of Weeki Wachee in Crystal River, Florida. “Who Will Cheer My Bonnie Bride” gives us a young Gene Hackman (The French Connection) and Rip Torn (The Larry Sanders Show). Lon Chaney Jr. returns once more in “Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are.”

The fourth (and final season) is all Tod and Linc. “Same Picture, Different Frame” paints around Joan Crawford. Diane Baker is flightly. “Build Your Houses with Their Backs to the Sea” brings us The Shatner! He’s part of an angry family in Maine. Here’s a little clip of the man who would soon be Captain Kirk on Star Trek.

The road does end for the duo at the end of the season in “Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way.” Not to spoil the episode, but Barbara Eden works magic on one of them. This is the first time season four has come out on DVD. Linc’s time on the show does get underplayed since Buz had dominated those early years. He’s not the Cousin Oliver of the series. Although maybe his character being a Vietnam vet being lost might have been a little too much for viewers who were still being sold the winnable war concept by the White House and the network news. The bonus features include highlights of a panel at the Paley Center from 1990. George Maharis enjoys his time with creator Leonard Goldberg. Turns out the show evolved from a trip Goldberg took with a pal in his youth and not just watering down On the Road. There’s a documentary about the Corvette. A reel of commercials that ran during the series is a hoot. Route 66: The Complete Series is a marathon of cross country fun that will at least take you back to the early days of Nick at Nite.

Hazel: The Complete Third Season brings another 32 episodes of TV’s favorite domestic helper. Shirley Booth doesn’t really have to scrub the floors since the tornado following her picks up all the dirt. She took over the Baxters. Mr. Baxter (Don DeFore), Mrs. Baxter (Whitney Blake) and their son (Bobby Buntrock) are helpless without Hazel’s meddling ways. “Potluck a la Mode” sends the Baxters out for the night. Trouble is their dinner guests arrive on the wrong night. Instead of sending them home, Hazel whips up a delightful dinner. “Hazel Scores a Touchdown” reminds us that Hazel could have made it in the NFL. She has to match pigskin talk with Alan Hale Jr. (The Skipper on Gilligan’s Island). “Hazel and the Halfback” provides a superstar guest appearance from Frank Gifford! Long before he married Kathie Lee Gifford and worked on Monday Night Football with Howard Cosell, Gifford was a superstar for the New York Giants. This episode is like when Joe Namath appeared on The Brady Bunch. Because it wouldn’t be a true season without an appearance by Harold Gould (Rhoda), the Dean of Thespians makes it over for “Campaign Manager.” Jamie Farr (MASH) appears without a dress in “Let’s Get Away From It All.” “Maid for a Day” celebrates Hazel with a touch of Harvey Korman (Blazing Saddles). Hazel spoils viewers for what to expect when hiring a maid for the house. She took care of whatever needed her attention and not just her contracted services. Season 3 is in full color and not black and white.

S.W.A.T.: The Final Season is the only full season the series had. That’s shocking. This was the most exciting show of the mid-70s. The theme song hit #1 in the disco nation of 1976. This was about the same time ABC pulled the plug on the production. How could a show starring Robert Urich get the axe? Remember how sophisticated Police Story depicted a cop’s life? Throw that out the window. This Aaron Spelling production was about going full force and not sparing the blanks. The S.W.A.T. unit is headed by Lt. Dan “Hondo” Harrelson. He’s an old school cop that must have attended the self righteous police academy with Eliot Ness (The Untouchables) and Steve McGarrett (Hawaii Five-O). He’s hardcore Johnny Law. Sgt. David “Deacon” Kay is his less uptight second in command. Officer T.J. McCabe (James Coleman) is on the verge of becoming uptight like Hondo. Officer Dominic Luca (Mark Shera) provides the comic relief. Officer Jim Street (VEGA$‘s Robert Urich) is the troubled stud. The only real woman that can come between them and their firepower is lunchlady Rose Marie (The Dick Van Dyke Show). The second season is the show’s only full season and they unloaded a lot of star power from their rifles. “Dead Tide” has Sal Mineo (Rebel Without A Cause) in one of his final roles before his murder. He’s leading a crime team. Susan Dey (The Partridge Family), Christopher George (Rat Patrol), Phil Silvers and Lesley Ann Warren have to dodge the bullets. “Dealers in Death” features the mandatory guest appearance from John Vernon (Animal House). “Time Bomb” saves on the budget when S.W.A.T. trains on a movie’s backlot. William Smith is a disgruntled ex-guard wanting to blow up the backlot as revenge. “Criss Cross” makes a pre-Rocky Carl Weathers part of a warehouse heist crew. Joe Turkel (The Shining) gets to creep up “Courthouse.” Anitra Ford (The Big Bird Cage) is part of a break out scheme. “Ordeal” and Strike Force puts Frank Gorshin (Batman‘s The Riddler) back in the crime racket. “Silent Night, Deadly Night” gives a bullet filled Christmas stocking stuffer with Anne Francis (Honey West). “The Running Man” is packed with Leslie Nielsen (Police Squad), Donna Mills, Forrest Tucker (F Troop) and Bruce Glover (Walking Tall). James Hong (Kung Fu Panda) amps up “The Chinese Connection.” “Any Second Now” gets Robert Loggia (The Sopranos) to show up. Even though S.W.A.T. was a hot show, the network realized it was just too damn violence. They were firefight prone. There mysterious city was a prone to massive bullet rains. I’m thankful that Shout! Factory wrapped up this short series after Sony released the first half season several years back.

The River: The Complete First Season is really the complete series unless Netflix revives the show. The eight episodes were masterminded by Steven Spielberg and Paranormal Activity‘s director Oren Peli. Bruce Greenwood (Exotica) is a TV host that would take people into the wild to see the magic of the wilderness. He heads up the Amazon River for what turns into his last exploration. Nobody knows what happened to him. He’s memorialized until his emergency beacon goes off. In order to fund their rescue mission, Greenwood’s wife (Leslie Hope) and son (Joe Anderson) agree to film their journey for a special. They are lost in a watery world of magic and spirits. The living souls of missing folks appear to the team. People are brought back to life. It does its best to creep out the audience using the documentary form to surprise. Shame that the show couldn’t get picked up or reach 13 episodes since it’s a spooky journey up the river. Greenwood does flourish as a cross between Steve Irwin and Marlin Perkins. The bonus features include two commentary tracks, deleted scenes and a documentary about the watery production.

Goon might be the greatest hockey comedy since the Vancouver Canucks. Except at the end of this film, no whiny fans are going to toss your car in their hissy fit. You might laugh hard enough to break a rib. This is the only Seann William Scott movie you ever need to see in your life. Don’t bother with those lame American Pie flicks. This is Seann at his prime. He’s a dim nightclub bouncer who finds a career in minor league hockey when he beats the crap out of a player that comes into the stands. His buddy Jay Baruchel (Almost Famous) turns his fight into a sensation on his sports show. The only thing keeping him from stardom is his inability to skate. The coach won’t give up. “You’ve been touched by the fist of God.” His goon skills gets him up to the semi-show. But can Seann truly tackle the greatest thug player of all time in Liev Schreiber. This is his most impressive work outside of voicing over the HBO sports documentaries. His mullet and pornstache puts Kenny Powers to shame. He makes that head hair look cool. He’s more imposing here than in that crummy Wolverine movie. You might not want to sit too close to the screen when he locks eyes and drops gloves. You might poop your pants in fear that he’s coming after your cookie dough ass. He’s a growling monster on blades. He’s all three Hanson brothers rolled into one fierce pornstache. This is film gets even tougher with Kim Coates (Tig on Sons of Anarchy) as the coach in Halifax. Keep your eyes peeled for a cameo from a Trailer Park Boys legend. All those new hockey fans in Los Angeles (not including Wil Wheaton) ought to grab a copy of Goon so they can understand the sport. The bar has been risen high for Kevin Smith’s Hit Somebody. He might as well walk away from that project cause it ain’t going to be as good as Goon. Smith can’t write a better than an inspirational speech that declares, “We got to be underground gay porn hard!” I don’t think so. Goon is so much better than that chimp playing hockey movie. There’s even a strange romance with hockey loving gal Alison Pill (Scott Pilgram‘s drummer). Watch this film before the Cup is filled with champagne. This is the Gladiator of the Blue Line. There’s plenty of bonus features including auditions of the goalie, lots of bloopers on ice, behind the scenes specials and Jay Baruchel on the commentary track.