Author: UncaScroogeMcD

  • Comics in Context #137: Car Toon

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    cic-20060714-01.jpgIt’s little wonder that watching films on DVD at home grows more popular as the theatergoing experience becomes ever more annoying. Now there’s an irritating series of onscreen commercials (Wasn’t the lack of commercials one of the advantages movies had over TV?), which eventually gives way to an parade of trailers, most of which work to reassure me that I don’t want to see the forthcoming movies in question. 

    But the trailers preceding the new Pixar computer animated feature Cars served a very useful purpose. There were a total of five, count “˜em, five trailers for future computer animated films. First came the promos for Open Season, Barnyard, and The Ant Bully, each of which made its movie look ugly, frenetic, and utterly unfunny. And what’s with the cows in Barnyard? My fellow columnist Fred Hembeck refuses to accept the notion of talking animals, apart from Barksian ducks and superstar sponges. I take a more liberal stance, but cows that have both udders and male voices exceed even my capacity for suspension of disbelief. Just what were these moviemakers thinking? Next came the trailer for Disney’s Meet the Robinsons, which was visually stylish and striking. Finally, there was a trailer for the next Pixar feature, Brad Bird’s Ratatouille, which not only looked good but was bursting with energy.

    In short, this succession of trailers served as a reminder that Pixar’s films are far and away superior to the many wannabe CGI animated movies that have proliferated in imitation. It’s also a reminder of why the Disney company not only recently bought Pixar, but also put John Lasseter, the head of Pixar and director of Toy Story and Cars, in charge of Disney animation as well.

    Cars depicts a world in which sentient, talking automobiles fill the roles taken by human beings in the real world. There are no actual humans or even animals to be seen: other motor vehicles act like cows, and tiny, winged Volkswagen “bugs” act like flies. New York Times film critic Manohla Dargis chooses to find this eerie, decrying “the story’s underlying creepiness, which comes down to the fact that there’s nothing alive here: nada, zip. “ (June 9, 2006). But as I discussed in last week’s column, follows an old animation tradition of creating a community of non-human creatures in order to comment upon human behavior. Pixar’s superb character animators bring ‘ cars vividly to life. Dargis insists that “the film can’t help but bring to mind James Cameron’s dystopic masterpiece, , which hinges on the violent war of the machine world on its human masters. . . . Mr. Lasseter has done Mr. Cameron one better: instead of blowing the living world into smithereens, these machines have just gassed it with carbon monoxide.” So, if Dargis read Carl Barks’s , would she imagine some sort of combination and Holocaust scenario in which intelligent ducks had exterminated and supplanted humanity?Dargis and New Yorker critic Anthony Lane also attack Cars on the grounds of political correctness. Dargis contends that “An animated fable about happy cars might have made sense before gas hit three bucks a gallon.” Lane thunders that “With the price of oil gurgling upward, and even the President conceding that the nation’s fuel consumption could use a trim, Pixar has produced a hymn to the ecstasy of driving” (June 19, 2006). Did either of these critics stop to think that it takes years to create a computer animated feature film, and that when they worked on Cars (which originally was scheduled for release in 2005), Lasseter and his cohorts could not have predicted the price of gas or the content of presidential speeches in the summer of 2006? And do such real life concerns matter in Lasseter’s fable? If Dargis and Lane saw a Tom and Jerry cartoon, would they complain that we shouldn’t root for the mouse because mice are actually disease-carrying vermin?

    As Dargis and Lane demonstrate, it would be a mistake to examine the premise of Cars too closely. How could a race of sentient cars originate? In other words, who built them? Before I saw the movie, I wondered how the Pixar people could get around the fact that the characters of Cars have no hands. One might wonder how they constructed the buildings, the roads, the television cameras, and the spare automobile parts we see in the film. But none of this matters, any more than one should wonder how talking bipedal mice that are several feet tall evolved in a Mickey Mouse cartoon.

    The less literal minded viewers of Cars, which is to say, virtually all of them, will automatically accept the animation storytelling convention that the talking cars are humans in all but outward form. In effect, Cars is set in a fictional alternate reality in which, somehow, a society of cars evolved in ways that parallel human society. One simply accepts the premise of Cars and then marvels at how entertainingly Lasseter and company have designed their alternate reality.

    Even Fred Hembeck has personally assured me that, presuming Pixar handled the premise with sufficient artistry, he would have no problem with the concept of talking automobiles in Cars. He has a more sensible attitude towards the subject than these film critics of The New York Times and The New Yorker. As we shall see, movie reviewers in mainstream media have taken some other odd approaches to critiquing Cars.

    I hereby issue a Spoiler Alert, since I am about to summarize the story of the film. Lightning McQueen (voiced by Owen Wilson, and obviously named after actor Steve McQueen, who had a passion for racing) is a young race car who is driven (so to speak) wholly by ambition and egotism. On the way to his next big race in Los Angeles, McQueen finds himself stuck in Radiator Springs, a small desert town that prospered in the 1950s, but has been in decline ever since the building of a superhighway diverted traffic away from it. Having thoughtlessly caused damage to the town’s main street, McQueen is sentenced to remain there until he finishes repaving the road.

    At first McQueen bridles at being forced to perform this penance. But as his stay in Radiator Springs continues, his attitude changes.

    This formerly self-centered loner gets a new best friend, in the form of a tow truck named Mater (voiced by the comedian known as Larry the Cable Guy). Mater explains that his name is a pun on “tomato”: he is a tow truck, so he’s called Mater. (So much for my initial reaction on first seeing this character’s name months ago, without knowing what he looked like, or that he was male. Having taken a course in Latin at Harvard decades ago, I knew that “mater” was Latin for “mother.” I suppose this is further proof of the decline of the classics in American literature.) Through his warmth and friendliness towards McQueen (who does not initially deserve it), Mater sets an example for the egocentric race car. Mater also proves to be a mentor of sorts, showing McQueen how to loosen up and have fun (as in a cow-tipping scene featuring the bovine local vehicles that substitute for cattle).

    McQueen also gains a more serious mentor, “Doc” Hudson, who is voiced by Paul Newman, another actor who has raced cars both onscreen and offscreen, and who, moreover, first achieved stardom in the 1950s, a significant decade in the world of this film, as well as the last full decade of Hollywood’s (and the Walt Disney animation studio’s) Golden Age. “Doc” is an example of the stern mentor/father figure who initially imposes harsh discipline on the protagonist for his own good. Other examples range from the tough sergeants of military movies to the senseis of Kill Bill and Batman Beyond, who at first force the heroes to act as lowly servants. It is “Doc” Hudson who confines McQueen to Radiator Springs and sentences him to pave the road, a task which at first appears Sisyphean.

    McQueen also finds true love in Radiator Springs, in the form of Sally, a Porsche (voiced by Pixar veteran voice actress Bonnie Hunt), who, significantly, is also originally from the big city. She has already made a transition in life similar to the one McQueen is undergoing: she grew dissatisfied with her stressful life as a high-powered lawyer in the city, and found contentment as a member of this small town community. Sally too becomes a teacher to McQueen, introducing him not only to love, but to the splendors of the natural world surrounding the town.

    On his website animation historian Michael Barrier pointed out a seeming contradiction: “The two characters admiring the barren landscape are not only computer-generated but are themselves machines – a bright-red race car and a gleaming Porsche, cars that can think and talk. A film synthetic in every detail is admonishing us to relish the natural world.” (http:// michaelbarrier.com) It may seem odd that a movie whose cast is comprised of machines should be a hymn to nature, but then again, the cars are not really more alien to the natural world than the urbanized humans they represent.

    At the beginning of the film, psyching himself up for a major race, McQueen egotistically tells himself, “I am speed.” In Radiator Springs he learns to change his whole value system: the singleminded pursuit of success is no longer as important to him as love and friendship and responsibility towards others. Initially McQueen was like an overgrown infant, who believes that the world exists only to serve his own desires; his stay in Radiator Springs shows him the necessity of reaching out beyond his own ego. “Doc” Hudson initially forces McQueen to slow down by draining his fuel tank so he cannot leave the town. As the story progresses McQueen comes to voluntarily choose to slow down and smell the roses.

    Another of the criticisms leveled against Cars is that the film itself is too slow. Online reviewer James Berardinelli wrote, “The flaws in Cars relate to how younger viewers will see the film – it’s a little too long and a little too slow. While adults may not mind sitting through “˜filler,’ children, with their notoriously short attention spans, may become restless.” I often suspect that when an adult claims to imagine children’s reactions, he is actually voicing his own. So it is here: Berardinelli soon comes right out and states that “there are times when the pace is sluggish….”

    I disagree. Having read such reviews before seeing the movie, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Cars consists of a steady progression of dramatically effective incidents, with no dead spots. The audience with whom I saw the movie was full of family groups, and it is true that the small children became noisier during longer dialogue scenes between McQueen and Sally. But that would be true of pre-pubescent children’s reactions to any romantic interludes in a movie. Another of the surprises in Cars is that it is the first Pixar feature that has a genuine love story, and that it works so well. That’s especially impressive in that the animators and character designers could not do all that much to make Sally, who is, after all, a car, look like an attractive female human. But, aided greatly by Hunt’s voice, Sally becomes an effective romantic lead, nonetheless. (Do female viewers feel that McQueen comes off as an attractive male lead, I wonder?) I wouldn’t want to sacrifice this love story just because small kids might briefly lose interest.

    Besides, the children never became bored: once the comedy or action resumed, they were once again rapt with attention. Moreover, if the romantic subplot is aimed more at adults, watching Cars with a family audience made me aware of how effectively the character of Mater is aimed at those same small children. Mater comes across as a 21st century version of Goofy in the guise of an anthropomorphic tow truck: children loudly and gleefully responded to his antics. Mater is really an overgrown child himself, playful, innocently trusting, and attempting to bond with McQueen as if he were a little brother looking for a big brother to admire.

    Plenty happens in the course of McQueen’s stay in Radiator Springs, but these character-driven scenes are quiet and low-key compared with the car race which opens the film. At first we see the racing cars as merely blurs, as if Lasseter is already signaling the audience that these cars are moving too fast for the human eye to comfortably take in. Perhaps inspired by car race films like John Frankenheimer’s Grand Prix (1966) or maybe even the chariot race in Ben-Hur (1959), this rapidly-paced, dynamically directed sequence evokes the experiences both of watching a NASCAR race and being a participant in it. The audience in the stands consists of hundreds upon hundreds of anthropomorphic cars: this makes it immediately clear to the viewers that this is a world where cars fill the roles that people have in our own. The high velocities of the racers and the countless cars in the stands combine to create an epic feel for this opening scene.

    Lasseter and Pixar have accomplished something daring with Cars‘ story structure here. According to Joseph Campbell’s “Hero’s Journey” pattern for stories, the protagonist starts out in a lowly position in the mundane, everyday world, and then crosses into an enchanted realm of adventure, where he finds the treasure with which he can redeem society, and then crosses back into the everyday world. In Cars‘ variation on this theme, McQueen starts out as a star performer in a world of adventure, that of professional racing, only to cross into the seemingly prosaic confines of Radiator Springs, where he is reduced to the role of prisoner and forced laborer.

    Early on McQueen refers to Radiator Springs as “hillbilly hell.” It’s actually more like purgatory for him, in which he must expiate his past sins to achieve redemption. In Joseph Campbell’s terms, McQueen has figuratively descended into the underworld. But that’s only true from McQueen’s initial point of view. As McQueen falls in love with Sally, makes friends with the cars of Radiator Springs, and learns to appreciate the beauty of the natural world around him, his perspective on this “hillbilly hell” changes. It instead becomes the enchanted realm of Campbell’s “hero’s journey.” McQueen’s real adventure becomes his psychological transformation in Radiator Springs.

     

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    McQueen and the movie’s audience come to regard the thrills of the opening racing sequence, and its participants’ pursuit of fame and fortune, as empty in comparison with the more humane values they discover in Radiator Springs. Hence, when McQueen returns to the urban racing world in the movie’s third act, his perspective on it soon alters. He comes to feel out of place there, at least until he takes a more humane approach to the competition. 

    Another of the charges that critics make against Cars is that it recycles a hoary, cliched plot from previous movies: that of the guy from the big city who undergoes a change of personality when he stays in a small town. The supposed source that these reviewers keep invoking is the movie Doc Hollywood. That set me wondering: if this basic plot is so familiar, shouldn’t there be a lot of other movies that use it? Can’t these reviewers think of several other examples besides Doc Hollywood?

    I’ve only seen part of Doc Hollywood on television, but I’ve seen nearly three thousand movies (not counting animated shorts) in the course of my life. If Cars has such an overused plot, then surely I must have seen plenty of other movies with similar stories.

    But no, there haven’t been that many. I can easily cite films in which the man from the big city does not learn his lesson in the small town, whether played for comedy, in George S. Kaufman and Moss Hart’s The Man Who Came to Dinner (1942), or as a thriller, in Alfred Hitchcock and Thornton Wilder’s Shadow of a Doubt (1943). In David Mamet’s State and Main (2000) a movie company comes to shoot in a small New England town: the screenwriter is changed by falling in love with a local, but the rest of the moviemakers remain mired in their character flaws. Leo McCarey’s Ruggles of Red Gap (1935) transplants the title character, a British butler, to a small town in the western United States, but this story is more about Ruggles’ discovery of a classless society (compared to the United Kingdom) than about the pleasures of small town life. Two musicals which moved from Broadway to the big screen clearly follow the model of the urban man who learns about community, responsibility and love when he finds himself in a provincial milieu: the Gershwins’ Girl Crazy (1943) and Meredith Willson’s The Music Man (1962).

    But then there is Frank Capra’s film adaptation of James Hilton’s novel Lost Horizon (1937), in which Western city dwellers are marooned in the hidden, peaceful Himalayan realm of Shangri-La. Entertainment Weekly critic Lisa Schwarzbaum seems to have noticed the parallel, too: in her review of Cars she wrote of its setting, “imaginary, iconic Radiator Springs Ñ a dusty Shangri-La out of Happy Days“ (June 13, 2006). Although they are initially anxious to get back to Western civilization, most of the travelers who are brought to Shangri-La in Capra’s movie end up renouncing the rat race of the outside world and embracing their new lives as members of the community of this earthly paradise.

    This movie, released two years before the outbreak of World War II, explicitly presents Shangri-La as a sanctuary in which the best of human civilization will be preserved while the rest of the world is at war. You may have noticed in the previous paragraph how many of those movies about small town life came out during the wartime years of the early 1940s. Whether or not this was Lasseter’s intention, is Cars another sort of post-9/11 movie, presenting small-town community life as an idealized escape from the stresses of an urban world menaced by terrorism?

    (Comics enthusiasts should note that Capra’s Lost Horizon appears to have been an influence on Stan Lee and Steve Ditko’s Doctor Strange: the Ancient One may have been inspired by Lost Horizon‘s High Lama, and, as drawn by Ditko, Strange even looked like the film’s star, Ronald Colman, complete with the latter’s trademark mustache.)

    Lost Horizon presents a Western idealized version of Asian philosophy. There may be an actual Asian influence on from the films of Lasseter’s friend and hero, Japanese animation director Hayao Miyazaki. Earlier this year Lasseter even co-hosted a retrospective of Miyazaki’s films on Turner Classic Movies.Among them was Only Yesterday (1991), directed by Isai Takahata and produced by Miyazaki, in which a young woman, who has been leading her life and career in the big city, returns to the countryside where she grew up, reevaluates her life, and falls in love with a farmer, whose life and work are connected to the world of nature.

    Another was Spirited Away (2001), directed and written by Miyazaki, in which the protagonist, a self-centered little girl, is forced to labor in a bathhouse used by monstrous beings of the spirit world; in the course of her servitude, she learns to take responsibility, and to care for and help others, and bonds with a potential love interest. How different is this heroine’s penance in cleaning up in the spirits’ bathhouse from the lowly labors of Cars’ protagonist Lightning McQueen, who is sentenced to pave a road that he earlier ruined?

    Miyazaki’s films famously advocate harmony between man and the natural world. In his introductions to TCM’s Miyazaki retrospective, Lasseter commended Miyazaki’s ability to create sequences in which the action slows, and the audience is invited to admire the beauty onscreen. Surely the treatment of the natural world, and specifically McQueen and Sally’s excursion through the countryside surrounding Radiator Springs, represent Lasseter’s attempts to translate Miyazakian themes into an American setting. How interesting that movie reviewers praise Miyazaki’s contemplative style (perhaps because his films are foreign) but find Lasseter to be “sluggish” and sentimental when he tries something similar.

    Strangely, Lasseter and Pixar have been accused by critics of hypocrisy in Cars. David Ansen in Newsweek (June 12, 2006) wrote that “In this nostalgic paean to small towns, the villain is the high-tech interstate that put a wedge between us and nature. The irony is that this elegy for the antique comes from the computerized company that has relegated hand-drawn animation to the dustbin. If anyone knows that the old ways are not always the best, it’s the folks who have boldly taken animation into the 21st century.”

    Critic Anthony Lane made the same point In The New Yorker with more corrosive irony: “Along came the Interstate, apparently, and ruined everything. Just like that darned Internet, I guess, or that superhighway stuff, or those dumb movies they make with computers nowadays. Oh yes.”

    In his review in New York Magazine, David Edelstein recognized that Lasseter’s nostalgia is not a recent development: “Like the Toy Story films, Cars is a state-of-the-computer-art plea on behalf of outmoded, wholesome fifties technology, with a dash of Zen by way of George Lucas.”

    Lest we forget: in Lasseter’s first feature film, Toy Story (1995), Woody, the old-fashioned cowboy doll (voiced by Tom Hanks), worries that he has been replaced in his young owner’s affections by the new space hero action figure Buzz Lightyear (voiced by Tim Allen). Initially, Woody and Buzz are rivals, perhaps even enemies. But Toy Story turns out to be a buddy movie, and Woody and Buzz become allies and best friends. Moreover, the boy who owns them loves both toys, so Woody’s fear that he had been rendered obsolete proves to be baseless.

    Toy Story 2 (1999), directed by Lasseter and Lee Unkrich, takes a different approach to the idea of being outdated. This film explicitly establishes Woody as a toy that was created in the 1950s, when a “Woody” character starred on his own television show. (Perhaps Lasseter was thinking of the iconic 1950s TV puppet Howdy Doody, who was supposed to be a cowboy.) Take note that this is the same decade that is idealized in . In this movie Woody is tempted by the idea of joining dolls of other cast members from the television show, including cowgirl Jessie, in a community of collectibles. Instead of being played with by kids, Woody and company would simply remain untouched, in pristine condition, in the collection of an adult who conforms to the obese, overage fanboy stereotype familiar from Comic Book Guy on . Lasseter rejects this option, too, and Woody returns to his boy owner’s community of toys, bringing his horse and Jessie with him. 

    It is said that for the projected Toy Story 3, the conclusion of his trilogy, Lasseter has in mind a “happier ever after” denouement for his toy characters. Since, the boy who owns Woody and Buzz would eventually outgrow them, this planned ending would presumably explain how they don’t end up in a junk heap. It will be intriguing to see what Lasseter comes up with.

    You can even find the nostalgia theme in the animated feature film that Lasseter and Andrew Stanton jointly directed, A Bug’s Life (1998), about talking insects. Here it is an old-fashioned troupe of carnival performers who aid the ant hero, Flik, in defeating the militaristic forces of the marauding grasshoppers.

    No critic whose review of Cars I’ve read indicates that he or she attended the Museum of Modern Art’s recent exhibition marking Pixar’s twentieth anniversary (see “Comics in Context” #120). In wall texts, an exhibition brochure, the audio guide, and video, its MoMA curators and Lasseter himself made clear that the show was intended “to dispel the notion that computer animation is a genre dominated by technology.” Rather, the exhibition demonstrated that Pixar’s creators used the same methods in developing ideas for their films as the practitioners of traditional hand-drawn animation had for decades. The show centered on Pixar’s concept drawings and paintings, sculptures of characters, and storyboards, which would be done by hand.

    Thus, whether in his feature films or in a MoMA exhibit, Lasseter continually deals with the theme of reconciling the past with the changing present. He is the great pioneer of computer animation, and yet he is careful to show that he is building on the foundation established by traditional hand-drawn animation, and to argue that hand-drawn animation remains a viable artform and should not be abandoned.

    Did no film critic notice the thematic similarities between Cars and another movie that was released on the same day (June 9th), A Prairie Home Companion, directed by Robert Altman and written by Garrison Keillor, based on his celebrated radio show? The latter movie is also a tale of passing times and obsolete technology. We are informed at the outset that Keillor’s Prairie Home Companion, the country music radio show within the movie, is a half century behind the times: radio variety shows of its sort disappeared fifty years ago. (Once again: the 1950s.) In the movie Keillor refuses to publicly acknowledge that this is his final broadcast, and the singers and musicians give a vivid, entertaining performance. But nonetheless an executive from the corporation who has bought the radio station that owns the show has arrived to shut it down. A beautiful and charming blonde lady in white, who turns out to be an angel of Death, takes care of the executive, but fate cannot be altered, and the corporation still shuts down the radio show. (I have long wondered about the fact that Garrison Keillor and Neil Gaiman both live in the Twin Cities area. Now I see that Gaiman’s Death character is moonlighting for Keillor, thinking that without her Goth look no one will recognize her.)

    A major difference between Altman’s film and Cars is that the cinematic version of the Prairie Home Companion show is doomed because it cannot find a way to survive in a changing world, in which radio variety shows have otherwise long been extinct. (In real life, of course, A Prairie Home Companion is a great success on public radio, in no danger of ending unless Keillor himself decides to stop. Altman’s Companion within the movie is an old-fashioned country music show, whereas in the real Companion, Keillor’s humorous monologues and comedy sketches endow the show with a gentle sense of irony. The real Companion is really a postmodern take on that kind of old-fashioned radio show, thereby managing to keep the genre relevant to contemporary sensibilities. Oddly, Altman’s film does not include any reference to Keillor’s famous fictional hometown of Lake Wobegon, which is his version of the idealized small town, that is somehow unaffected by changing times, that Lasseter’s Radiator Springs also represents.)

    On the other hand, Lasseter’s movies find ways in which the past and present can coexist in harmony, just as the MoMA exhibit showed how the methods of traditional animation have been adapted to the creation of 21st century computer animated movies. Woody and Buzz become best friends, and their owner keeps them both, even though one is old-fashioned and the other is futuristic.

    Similarly, in Cars Lasseter does not truly choose between the contemporary world and the idealized 1950s world of Radiator Springs. Instead, he shows how these two worlds join together, to their mutual benefit.

    Having been a champion race car in the early 1950s, “Doc” Hudson was cast aside by his bosses as time went on, in an example of ageism that is all too familiar in real life. Understandably embittered, he retreated to Radiator Springs, where he kept his heroic past a secret from the community. It is important that not only does the wise old “Doc” Hudson induce a change in the young McQueen’s personality, but McQueen likewise changes “Doc.” In the movie’s third act, when McQueen returns to racing in Los Angeles, “Doc” unexpectedly journeys there to act as his coach. Other Radiator Springs citizens join him on the trip, and prove themselves effective as McQueen’s support crew, demonstrating that these country cars can make a contribution in the contemporary urban world.

    Following the race, McQueen uses his fame to make the larger world aware of Radiator Springs. Once more the town finds itself with plenty of customers: the town is revitalized by the visitors’ presence, and the visitors purchase the wares of the town’s residents: the new and the old benefit from one another. (The brief vignettes showing the town’s new prosperity during the closing credits also remind me of the Miyazaki movies, which present similar closing montages further extending the story during their final credits.)

    And if hand-drawn “2-D” animation has been consigned to the “dustbin,” that’s the fault of short-sighted corporate executives; it was not Lasseter’s intention. In Richard Corliss’s recent article about Cars for Time (May 14, 2006), Lasseter, now in charge of Disney animation, stated, “Of all studios that should be doing 2-D animation, it should be Disney. . .We haven’t said anything publicly, but I can guarantee you that we’re thinking about it.” Because I believe in it.”

    Indeed, according to a report at Laughing Place, a website about all things Disney, the writer-director team of Ron Clements and Jon Musker (The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, and the greatly underrated Hercules) have begun developing an animated film called The Frog Princess. “Musker and Clements have elected to produce their project in the traditional hand-drawn approach, and Lasseter is 100% behind that choice!” although whether it will be approved for production remains to be seen.

    Corliss gets the point of Lasseter’s theme of reconciling past and present, describing Cars as “Existing both in turbo-charged today and the gentler ’50s, straddling the realms of Pixar styling and old Disney heart. . .”

    Corliss asks, “But if high-tech Lightning McQueen could find his destiny in retro Radiator Springs, why can’t Lasseter find a way to turn yesterday into tomorrow at Disney?”

    There is yet another classic tradition in American film that finds new expression in Cars, but to learn about that, you’ll have to return here for next week’s column.

    Copyright 2006 Peter Sanderson

     

  • Ken P. D. Snyde-Cast #12: Inside the Actors Studio

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    Adult Swim’s Dana Snyder and FRED’s Ken Plume set out to have a literate conversation between two pals, but inevitably devolve into a verbal, and funny, free-for-all full of bickering, infighting, and the special kind of male bonding that comes from conflict expressed through the podcast medium.

    Actor/comedian/raconteur Dana Snyder, you’re certainly aware, is Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, Squidbillies‘ Granny, Minoriteam’s Dr. Wang, and The Venture Bros.‘ Alchemist. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (bat availability pending), you can keep tabs on him via his website, www.eyeofthesnyder.com.

    Ken Plume is the editor-in-chief here at FRED. He is a friend of Dana’s, as well as his arch-nemesis.

    VISIT THE SNYDECAST EXPERIENCE

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    KEN P.D. SNYDECAST #12: Inside The Actors Studio – Dana & Ken run a verbal marathon as Comic-Con looms in the distance, but can they outrun the talentless pap of James Lipton’s ghostly presence?

    [CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

    DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
    Episode #12 (MP3 format)

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    Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

    Got something to say? E-mail Dana & Ken at the Snydecast mailbag.

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    CLICK HERE FOR THE SNYDECAST ARCHIVES

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  • The Fred Hembeck Show: Episode 65 – Nudie Show

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    Once again, we dip into the Fred Sez archives for some old nudes – er, I mean, old news.

    Well, just keep reading – you’ll understand..

    A few days ago, whilst trolling through a handful of my earliest issues of DC’s Detective Comics for a suitable shot of our old friend, J’onn J’onzz, to run in the our annual St.Patrick’s Day entry, I stumbled upon this once ubiquitous full page advertisement in the very first issue of that Batman-headlined publication that I’d ever purchased, the August, 1961 issue, number 294…

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    Granted, there’s a lot going on there, but I really wasn’t all that concerned about being tough (after all, I was reading comic books, wasn’t I?…), learning to dance, or even forking over a buck for a book chock-full of fun for boys.

    Nope, it was THIS portion of that ad that caught my attention – and not entirely because I liked to draw for fun, either!

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    Remember, folks, this was 1961. The Comics Code had been ruling with an iron fist for little over half a decade by that point, and they carefully scrutinized everything for objectionable content before a book made it anywhere near a newsstand – and I mean EVERYTHING! They probably even gave the staples the once over in that era of heavy-handed self-censorship!

    So how, I’ve always wondered, did THIS ever get past them?

    And not just once, but month after month – and not in some quasi-sleazy IW reprint sold in plastic bags in the nation’s bargain outlets, either – uh uh – but in books issued by industry leader National Periodical Publications no less!

    Not sure what I’m talking about yet? Well, here’s an even CLOSER look…

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    That’s right – she’s NAKED!!

    AND brazenly colored in warm pink hues, just so there’d be absolutely no mistake about our shapely young model’s lack of attire!!

    Geez, talk about your fun for boys!?!..

    This ad has ALWAYS baffled me. Were the Comics Code people on some sort of mind-numbing flu medication the first time this thing slipped through, with its continued appearances just a matter of lucky ongoing neglect?

    Whatever it was, let’s face it – there were quite a few little boys out there aping the excitement of our overly animated cartoon friend pictured directly below the not-so-modest Miss back in that woefully flesh-deprived era.

    Not ME, of course. I was SHOCKED, shocked I tell you!

    (And I’m gonna KEEP telling you that until you believe me! However long it takes, I’ve got the time…)

    Visit Hembeck.com, Fred’s MySpace page, or send a personal message via this link.

    Copyright 2006 Fred Hembeck

  • Nocturnal Admissions: TV; Storm Large on Rock Star: Supernova

     

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    These days your average woman of a certain socio-economic class looks like either a rock star, a stripper, a hooker, or a lesbian. And they might even be all of the above. What they end up being to me is scary, which may be the point. Among the scariest new women on the scene to embody this sartorial aesthetic is Storm Large, one of the 15 contestants on the talent contest Rock Star: Supernova. 

     

    Storm singing, week one

     

    You probably already know enough about this show to spare me having to summarize its premise. For that you can go to TV sans Pity:

    But there is one thing that you probably don’t know, which is that Storm Large comes from my town. As a Favorite Daughter, all the Goth girls are cheering her on, and the coffee bar swells are rooting for her, unless, of course, that is deemed an uncool thing to do amongst that sort. Also, all the geriatric out of touch local papers are scrambling to assign themselves street cred by suddenly acting as if all along they have loved and supported Storm and her band, The Balls (which played nearly exclusively, as far as I can tell, at a scary bar downtown called Dante’s).

    Another thing you don’t know is that I have met Storm Large. Perhaps I should phrase that as “met” Storm Large, as I doubt if she can remember me among the hundreds of thousands of faces that have come before hers. Storm is a friend of a friend of mine, Marne Lucas, the superb art photographer who also lives here. When Marne was working at a local bar, called the Aalto Lounge, she invited Storm in one weeknight to watch herself on TV. Storm was the subject of a profile on an arts show aired on the local PBS affiliate. I happened to be there with a bunch of my geek nerd movie buff friends who at the time always met that week night. I watched the segment and studied the back of Storm as she sat at the bar. She has a rather humongus tattoo on her back. I met her but only to say hello, and then say I met her (I’ve also met one of the members of the recently disbanded Sleater-Kinney, who also hangs out at the same bar, but only because we once worked for the same company and she makes no secret of hating my guts. But then, she’s a woman, and this is Portland).

     

    Storm on the show

     

    After the show Storm went on to ensorcel and hypnotize my movie buff friends, who all sat around a round table in a back smoking room where the bathrooms were located. She came out of the bathroom, responded to their testosterone, entertained and flirted and controlled them, and then left the room, forgetting about them. It was all very entertaining but also scary. My lord, the pure absolute ego one must have to be a rock star! One of the best moments from the second week was Dilana mask-flipping off Dave Nararro when she thought he was going to say something rude (he didn’t, he praised her). Does one ever really “know” a rock star? Aren’t they always “on” and at the same time full of themselves, warding off real human contact? You can’t imagine being around rock stars (or should I say aspiring rock stars). They don’t want friendship, they want worship. And when you think of your own petty puny life, all you can think to do is drop to your knees and whine, “We’re not worthy.”

    This is made evident on the show, wherein each contestant, during the post performance judging orals, endeavors to come across as arrogant, confident, strutting, and narcississtic. They all assume that they will be the singer for Supernova. Including, sadly, Storm. Except that she has a very polished and professional voice, and could front the band with confidence (in local interviews, Storm likes to say that she doesn’t need the show because she already is a rock star, and that she is doing the gig to be able to pay the musicians in The Balls). But this is what makes Rock Star ultimately more enjoyable than American Idol: the contestants aren’t amateurs. We are not watching them “grow” before our eyes. Most of Rock Star’s contestants are seasoned professionals who know what they are doing. Curiously, though, the three Supernova members and the producer of the their album seem basically pretty down to earth. Apparently only years of real rock star fame allow you in your old age to revert back to being a human being.

     

    Storm on the show 2

     

    The contestant who seems the most sympatico to me is the one actually named Star; he’s a guy who doesn’t like tattoos or the other trappings of rock living on that high level. I don’t know how well that sits with the band members of Supernova or Dave Navarro, who have no unmarked body space. Storm is a little scary herself, but that is required of Portland women. Portland, as you know, is the home of Tonya Harding, and the whole state is notable for producing Marci Rideout, the woman who gained fame by accusing her husband of rape, and Diane Downs, the trendsetting child murderess. Apparently the goal of most Portland women is to have a TV movie of the week made about them.

    It turns out that Storm Large is her real name (her middle name is Susan). Which she must get that a lot. It’s the first thing she says about herself in the first interview with her aired on the show. But she is no Portlander. Storm was born in Massachusetts, and went to a prep school in Southborough called St. Marks, where her father teaches.

     

    Storm Large from the website

    But now seeing Storm up close thanks to the wonders of television I kept being reminded of someone else, and I couldn’t figure out who it was. I knew who contestant Lukas, from Canada, looks like: Clint Howard, widely noted as the ugliest man in Hollywood (Lucas is another homeless guy, like J.D. Fortune, who won the first season’s contest to front INXS). Anyway, I finally hit upon it. She has the same basic facial structure as Lindsay Lohan. And I revere Lindsay Lohan. It turns out that, after all these years of thinking that I was attracted to any reasonably pretty girl, I have a “type.” 

    I’m a little worried about Storm. She is 37, and that seems a little long in the tooth for a band fronting rock star. At the same time, Supernova are pretty old themselves. In any case, I am rooting for Storm, while at the same time kinda hoping she loses so that she’ll come back to Portland.

     

     

  • Brat-halla #136: Norse Force – Avengesome

    by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee

    Larger Comic Version

    Brat-halla #136: Norse Force - Avengesome

    For extras, visit the Brat-halla Web site!

    Check out the preview to the Image comic Jeff writes…

    E-MAIL WRITER | ABOUT JEFF | ABOUT SETH | BRAT-HALLA BLOG | BRAT-HALLA FORUM | ARCHIVES

  • Quick Stop Contest #2: Strangers With Candy – WINNER ANNOUNCED

    strangers-20060707-01.jpgIn conjunction with the nationwide release of the big screen version of Strangers With Candy, we’ve got a new contest for ya.

    This one is actually pretty straightforward – between now and midnight EST on Sunday evening (7/9/2006), e-mail in with the correct answer to the following question:

     

    During the first season of Strangers With Candy, Jerri Blank had numerous pets that met grisly fates. What type of animal was each pet, what were their names, and how did they each meet their maker?

     

    That’s it.

    Drop your entry to mail@asitecalledfred.com, and we’ll choose the winner from all submissions with the correct answer.

    So what do you win? How about a copy of the complete Strangers With Candy DVD set, signed by Amy Sedaris?

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    Cool, huh? 

    The winner will be notified via e-mail on Monday morning. Get to it, people!

    AND THE WINNER IS: TAVIA COLLINS

    The answer to the question was:

    1. Shelly – Turtle – killed after being hit by a golf club at Jerri’s party

    2. Clawson – Lobster – boiled after being accidentally dropped in cook pot during a fight between Jerri and her stepmom

    3. Suki – Chicken – cooks herself to save a starving Jerri

    4. Gregory – Woodpecker – killed by Noblet after attacking him in Noblet’s car

     

  • Quick Stop Contest #1: Luke Skywalker – WINNER ANNOUNCED

    BE SURE TO CHECK OUT THE UPCOMING PREMIUM FORMAT BOBA FETT:

    CLICK HERE TO SEE THE BOUNTY HUNTER  

    bobafett-20060711-01.jpg 

    sideshowcontest1.jpgYou want a chance to win the long sold-out 12″ Jedi Luke Skywalker figure from Sideshow Collectibles?  

    Do ya?

    All you have to do is click on the big honkin’ link below, submit your entry, and hope the fickle finger of fate chooses you for this great prize”¦

     

    CLICK HERE TO SEE WHO WON 

     

    The contest will run from Thursday, June 22, 2006, until Thursday, July 6, 2006. Be sure to check back after the contest closes when the winner will be posted.

     

                                                                                                                            

             

              

                

      

     

  • DVD Late Show: Hot Summer Frights

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    July 11, 2006

    Welcome back to the Late Show. I’ve got another handful of fiendish films for your mid-Summer viewing, including a couple of advance previews of upcoming releases. Still no MASTERS OF HORROR reviews as yet ““ I’m getting to be something of a tease with that series, aren’t I? Anyway, let’s begin”¦

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    Dark Sky Films is about to re-issue another fondly-remembered classic, with next month’s Special Edition of the Dan Curtis (DARK SHADOWS) television film TRILOGY OF TERROR (1974), starring Karen Black (FIVE EASY PICES, BURNT OFFERINGS).

    Based on three short stories by master fantasist Richard Matheson (TWILIGHT ZONE, THE LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE) ““ two of which were faithfully adapted for the film by Matheson’s friend William F. Nolan (Logan’s Run) while the maestro himself adapted the third ““ the made-for-television anthology stars the talented Ms. Black in four different roles and was a ratings smash when it aired in 1975.

    The first of the three tales, “Julie,” stars Black as an uptight college professor who reluctantly goes out on a date with one of her students, who then drugs her, snaps some incriminating photos, and blackmails her. In “Millicent and Therese,” Black plays two rival sisters ““ a repressed spinster and a sleazy tramp ““ with supernatural secrets.

    In the final and most memorable segment, “Amelia,” Black portrays a woman who purchases a “Zuni fetish doll” for her boyfriend as a gift. According to a scroll included with the doll, it embodies the spirit of an ancient hunter, “He Who Kills,” and if the gold chain around it is removed, the doll will come to life. Of course, the chain falls off and the screeching little monster goes postal, chasing Amelia around her upscale apartment, slashing her ankles with its tiny knife. As one might expect from one of the main writers of THE TWILIGHT ZONE, each of the three stories have twist endings.

    Black pretty much carries the entire film, and is impressive in all her roles. As it was a Seventies network television program, there’s no gore to speak of, and while the movie’s not particularly scary, it is occasionally creepy, and the final story is still thrilling, giddy fun, despite the simple “special effects” involved.

    Dark Sky’s disc presents the movie in its original, full frame 1.33:1 format, with a surprisingly sharp and clear picture that is a noticeable improvement over the earlier release of this title by Anchor Bay. The Dolby mono track is crystal clear. The disc also includes a very good audio commentary track with star Black and screenwriter Nolan. They seem to enjoy each other’s company, and Nolan discusses the changes made from the original short stories to the televised versions. Black goes into great detail about the third story, and the challenges involved in acting alone with a homicidal wooden doll. This Special Edition also includes two on-camera interview segments: one with star Black, and the other with author Richard Matheson, who discusses not only the film at hand, but some of his other collaborations with the late producer/director Dan Curtis.

    TRILOGY OF TERROR hits the shelves on August 29, and is recommended for fans of Matheson, Curtis, Black, or old school horror.

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    ei Independent Cinema’s latest entry in their Shock-O-Rama horror line is the cleverly-titled SHOCK-O-RAMA (2006), a CREEPSHOW-styled anthology directed by Brett Piper (BITE ME!, THE SCREAMING DEAD).

    When bitter scream queen Rebecca Raven (ei starlet Misty Mundae, THE SCREAMING DEAD, SPIDERBABE, in a semi-autobiographical role) is fired by the B-movie studio that employs her, she heads for a quiet house in the country to get away from it all”¦. and battle an angry, flesh-hungry zombie.

    Meanwhile, her former employers have discovered that the girl they intended as Raven’s replacement has become unavailable, and they desperately need a leading lady for their new film. They screen a couple of flicks hoping to find a new star, and these films make up two of the three stories in SHOCK-O-RAMA. In “Mechanoid,” a couple of tiny alien criminals land in a New Jersey junkyard and battle the yard’s owner (Rob Monkiewicz, BITE ME!) with a stop-motion, scrap-yard robot. In “Lonely Are the Brain,” beautiful young women in a dream research project are finding their subconscious fantasies manipulated by a sexually voracious female doctor (Julian Wells, DR. JEKYLL & MISTRESS HYDE) and a giant, evil brain from the future.

    Completely tongue-in-cheek, SHOCK-O-RAMA is, nonetheless, a great ride, with excellent handcrafted special effects, beautiful girls, a witty script, and some extremely effective low budget visuals, especially during the final story’s dream sequences. Director and FX artist Piper even manages some economical but effective illusions worthy of the great Mario Bava, with ingenious combinations of sets, miniatures, lighting and accomplished camera work. The pace never drags, and the film possesses a sense of humor (especially in the Misty Mundae zombie segment) that’s reminiscent of Sam Raimi’s early work.

    ei’s DVD includes a 1.78:1widescreen transfer with anamorphic enhancement, and looks great. The special features include an audio commentary track by writer/director/FX artist Piper and producer Michael Raso, a behind-the-scenes featurette, footage of the film’s NYC premiere, an on-screen Q&A with Piper from the same event, and the ever-growing Shock-O-Rama trailer vault.

    Full disclosure: I handled the layout and design of the DVD cover for this ei release, and I’ve been doing package design work for them regularly for some months now. But I can honestly say that I would have recommended this movie even if I hadn’t been involved with it in any way. It’s exactly the kind of imaginative, entertaining exploitation effort that I love, and Piper and the ei crew have done a great job with this, the best Shock-O-Rama release yet.

    SHOCK-O-RAMA will be released on September 5th.

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    Anchor Bay has recently released the 1981 stalk n’ slash thriller VISITING HOURS, directed by Jean Claude Lord and starring Lee Grant, William Shatner, Linda Purl and Michael Ironside.

    In this taut suspense flick, Lee Grant (THE SWARM) is a feminist television journalist who attracts the homicidal attentions of a woman-hating sociopath, chillingly played by Michael Ironside (STARSHIP TROOPERS, SCANNERS). He attacks her in her home, but she manages to barely survive his assault and is taken to a nearby hospital. Unfortunately, the killer is still after her… and the pretty young nurse that she befriends.

    Lord’s direction follows more in the tradition of Hitchcock than Carpenter, emphasizing suspense and character over gory attack scenes, and the violence is relatively restrained, especially for the slasher-ific Eighties. That’s not to say that Ironside’s character doesn’t take out a few innocent bystanders in pursuit of his prey, though. The performances of the grown-up cast are uniformly good, with the legendary William Shatner wasted in ““ and forced to underplay ““ the thankless role of Grant’s producer and boyfriend.

    Anchor Bay’s presentation of this better-than-average Canadian nail biter includes a very sharp 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer. The print shows its age somewhat, but overall it’s more than adequate, with bright, solid colors and good detail. The only extras are a handful of effective TV spots, a radio spot, and trailers for a few other Anchor Bay releases.

    VISITING HOURS makes a suspenseful 105 minutes, and is definitely worth a rental, if only for Ironside’s disturbingly convincing portrayal of the psycho.

    Next week… either those MASTERS OF HORROR discs… or something else entirely. Tune in and find out!

  • Clerks 2 InAction Short #3

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    The countdown is on to the premiere of Clerks 2 (July 21st, natch) and we’ve got a special series of cyber-nuggets to keep you amped, featuring the plastic alter-egos of everyone’s favorite cast of characters (including a certain writer/director who shall remain nameless).

    EPISODE #3: “Are You Kevin Smith?” – An awkward encounter with a well-known filmmaker.

    Download here:

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    CHECK OUT EPISODE #1: Click Here

    CHECK OUT EPISODE #2: Click Here

    Clerks 2 InAction is brought to you by Kevin Smith, Jeff Anderson, Brian O’Halloran, Ken Plume, and Zak Knutson & Joey Figueroa of Chop Shop Entertainment. Want to make Randal and Dante obey your every whim? Click here.

  • Interview: Carlos Alazraqui

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    -By Ken Plume

    alazraqui-20060710-01.jpgWith the 4th season of Reno 911 premiering on Comedy Central, the 3rd season hitting your local DVD emporium, and a major motion picture on the way in the form of Reno 911: Miami, we got a chance to have a nice long chat with the man behind one of Reno’s finest, Carlos Alazraqui, who plays Deputy James Garcia.

    Alazraqui is also a standup comedian and an established voiceover artist, starting with Rocko in Rocko’s Modern Life and including the legendary Taco Bell Chihuahua.

    Be sure to also swing by his official website at www.CarlosAlazraqui.com

    ———–

    KEN PLUME: I interviewed Tom Lennon last year… a big, massive, career-comprehensive, all his secrets revealed kind of thing…

    CARLOS ALAZRAQUI: I don’t have many secrets…

    PLUME: In which he revealed that really, you’re his favorite.

    ALAZRAQUI: Oh yeah?

    PLUME: Sure.

    ALAZRAQUI: Why not?

    PLUME: Of course he would say that, right?

    ALAZRAQUI: Exactly.

    PLUME: How could he not say that? ‘Cause clearly you’re the audience’s favorite.

    ALAZRAQUI: That’s right. It’s unchallenged. That fact is unchallenged.

    PLUME: Until it is, it is completely unchallenged.

    ALAZRAQUI: Exactly. The Earth is round, and I’m everybody’s favorite.

    PLUME: You know what? I would put money on it right now.

    ALAZRAQUI: Good.

    PLUME: Maybe not once challenged, but right now.

    ALAZRAQUI: Exactly, right now before it’s challenged.

    PLUME: Looking over your career, it’s interesting that primarily you’ve done standup and voice work…

    ALAZRAQUI: Yes.

    PLUME: I’m assuming standup came first…

    alazraqui-20060710-02.jpgALAZRAQUI: Standup comedy, yeah. And then in ’92, I was living in San Francisco from ’87 to ’94. In ’92, there was a local audition for a little project called Rocko’s Modern Life. Joe Murray and Nick Jennings, now both working solid in the cartoon industry. I auditioned for Rocko’s Modern Life and got it.

    PLUME: And became Rocko…

    ALAZRAQUI: And became Rocko.

    PLUME: What was it initially about standup comedy that drew you in?

    ALAZRAQUI: Um, I think just the attention, you know, and thinking I could be famous and big and attract women and all those kinda things. It wasn’t necessarily that I would transition to anything worthwhile per se, but then, there was a possibility of sitcoms and all those sort of things, and making money while not having a real job….

    PLUME: This is during the late 80s comedy boom…

    ALAZRAQUI: Yeah. It was pretty fascinating in San Francisco – just a wealth of talent, you know? You had Tom Kenny and Warren Thomas and Rob Schneider and Chris Titus and Michael Prichard. and Robin Williams would drop in every once in a while, and you had Paula Poundstone, Marsha Warfield and… all these people. It was amazing.

    PLUME: At that point in time in San Francisco, what was the club scene like?

    ALAZRAQUI: It was amazing. It was at its pinnacle in 1989. We had five clubs going. We had the Holy City Zoo, the Other Café, the Punch Line, the Improv, and Cobbs.

    PLUME: I’m assuming that it was practically straight out of school that you started.

    ALAZRAQUI: In college, actually. I started in Sacramento State. I was doing a little standup there. I did some mime with the teacher, and I got in a comedy duo at a place called the Metro Bar and Grill. Worked on that for about a year. Then I did some hosting at Laughs Unlimited. And then in ’87 I decided to move to San Francisco.

    PLUME: So what was the duo act like?

    ALAZRAQUI: It was fun. It was a lot of stupid sketches. We did William F. Buckley interviewing Floyd the Barber from the Andy Griffith Show on Central American policy.

    PLUME: And which one did you play?

    ALAZRAQUI: I played Floyd the Barber. We did Nixon talking to a gorilla at the zoo. We did Ronald Reagan getting pulled over for a speeding ticket by Jimmy Carter. You know, at that time it was the mid 80s… you know, ’85. It was very SNL-like. One of our favorite bits was singing “White Christmas” by Devo. Put bowls on our heads and fake glasses and did this little “White Christmas” parody. And so we just did a bunch of little, quick little sketches.

    PLUME: I have to know – was your Floyd the Barber based on the original Floyd, or Eugene Levy doing Floyd the Barber?

    ALAZRAQUI: It was based on the original. Even though I was a huge SCTV fan, it was still based on the original from the show.

    PLUME: So does any footage exist of any of these shows?

    ALAZRAQUI: I might have a video or two somewhere. It does still exist.

    PLUME: When was the last time you actually looked at them?

    ALAZRAQUI: Oh, probably six, eight years ago or something.

    PLUME: So looking back at those videos and those performances, how would you view the performer you were then?

    ALAZRAQUI: Amateurish. But fun. Lotta energy. “This kid’s got a lot of energy.” Very green. But good energy.

    PLUME: What was your confidence level like at that time?

    ALAZRAQUI: Pretty good, because I’m fairly athletic. I played soccer and I ran track and, you know, I had a cute girlfriend… so I was pretty confident. Although not confident to be on my own, so I liked being in a duo.

    PLUME: At what point did you realize the duo was something you’d moved beyond?

    ALAZRAQUI: I think around ’86, when I got a chance to be in this comedy competition by myself, because my partner didn’t like the owner of the club and I was doing pretty well. And that’s the point I realized, like, “Yeah, I could probably go farther on my own.” ‘Cause my work ethic was a little stronger at that time.

    PLUME: Did you get the feeling that it was more of a hobby to him?

    ALAZRAQUI: Yeah. At the time. Didn’t have the drive, I thought.

    PLUME: And where is he now?

    ALAZRAQUI: I don’t know. Mark Frazee. Very talented guy. Played music and really just a cool guy and, I don’t know. I think he’s travelin’ elsewhere to maybe be creative in different ways and maybe be a parent, at that time, and pursue that kind of… life.

    PLUME: So this is like the third partner that Penn & Teller had in the early 80s.

    ALAZRAQUI: Exactly.

    PLUME: How big a decision was it for you to actually make the move up to San Francisco?

    ALAZRAQUI: It was big. It was my friend and I, John Boyle. We were the first pioneers from Sacramento to move to San Francisco. I think we led a wave after that. People knew that you could do it, you know? And it was big. It was February of ’87, and I had gone into the city to visit a friend, and fell in love with it. Even though I used to go as a kid all the time. And having him go with me was great. We lived in this little converted garage apartment, and it was just dark and dank and moldy all the time, and it was probably 700 square feet. Two people in one separate room with a small moldy bathroom and about two cabinets and a kitchenette.

    PLUME: So you really felt like a performer at that point.

    ALAZRAQUI: Oh yeah. We had a Russian landlord named Boris. It was awesome, man.

    PLUME: See, that’s the kind of things that inform and forge a performer.

    ALAZRAQUI: Yeah, and I was working at two different health clubs at the time, ’cause my major was in recreation administration. I had worked in a health club and done my internships there. So I was working behind the sports desk and teaching Nautilus, so I’d ride by bike across Golden Gate Park and teach there on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and Monday/Wednesday/Fridays I’d work the sports desk at Telegraph Hill Club. Which is a really nice health club.

    PLUME: How much actual performance time would you be able to fit into that schedule?

    ALAZRAQUI: Five days a week. ‘Cause I’d do that in the morning, take naps in the afternoon, and go out at night.

    PLUME: How would you describe your act at that point?

    ALAZRAQUI: Getting better, you know? ‘Cause I was emulating all the San Francisco acts that I was watching at the time, so it was getting better and more clever, because the San Francisco scene demanded it.

    PLUME: What would the act actually consist of? Was it more observational, was it character-based, or…

    ALAZRAQUI: Character-based. I remember doing Larry Bud Melman singing “I’m So Excited” by the Pointer Sisters, when Larry Bud Melman was big.

    PLUME: Oh come on, when did he ever stop being big?

    ALAZRAQUI: True.

    PLUME: What were the audiences like at that point? Because obviously the comedy boom was going strong at that time, and a lot of people really hadn’t been exposed to standup, and particularly that sort of unique brand of standup that wasn’t just joke telling.

    ALAZRAQUI: The audience was collected, very discerning. They could be tough if you were at the Holy City Zoo. Unforgiving. If you weren’t clever enough, you know? So they were good, but hard sometimes.

    PLUME: Were there any times that they actually rocked your confidence?

    ALAZRAQUI: Yeah… yeah. The thing to do in San Francisco was to perform at the Other Café or out of town in Napa, or in Walnut Creek and feel good, and then go to the Holy City Zoo and do your second set that night and get shot down to earth again. ‘Cause it’s this teeny little pub with just wine and beer, it’s where Robin Williams was the legend, and it sat about 80 people, and it’s mostly comics and people off the street, and so it was a hard, hard room to do. You couldn’t be bigger than the room. So you’re stuff some times would not fly at the Zoo.

    PLUME: Is there anything that you still regret didn’t fly, or did you eventually get everything to work out in some way?

    ALAZRAQUI: Nah, but the things that didn’t fly I don’t regret ’cause it made me stronger. A better comedian, I think.

    PLUME: How caustic would the audience get? Were they a rowdy audience, or sort of apathetic…

    ALAZRAQUI: The silence was bad. It’s like “mmmmmm”… or comics talking. You know? So it was not the rowdiness, it was the lack of noise from the audience that frightened me more.

    PLUME: So, really, an apathetic response was more terrifying and demoralizing.

    ALAZRAQUI: Exactly.

    PLUME: Every comedy scene seems to have one – who was the comic that everyone looked up to as the one that was gonna rocket out of the scene?

    ALAZRAQUI: Gosh, you know, we all thought Tom Kenny at the time… Warren Thomas was brilliant. Jeremy Kramer. Rob Schneider a little bit…

    PLUME: That was a year or two before he was snatched for SNL, wasn’t it?

    ALAZRAQUI: Yes. Dana Gould, we thought was brilliant. Dana writes for The Simpsons now.

    PLUME: Was there any point where you actually considered a different path? Or was it once you had actually gotten into that world, that was the only thing you were gonna continue to pursue?

    ALAZRAQUI: That was something I was gonna continue to pursue.

    PLUME: Was there any point that you felt like walking away?

    ALAZRAQUI: I think doing some of those first road gigs. When you’re an emcee on the road and making no money, and people love the other acts more and you’re lonely. There were times like that, like in Albuquerque, when I was sleeping on a couch and spending more than I was making.

    PLUME: And who’s couch was it, the manager’s? Is that one of those comedy flop houses that Bill Maher described?

    ALAZRAQUI: As it were, yeah. All the other acts would come over and smoke pot or get high, and I was totally clean, maybe a drink or two, and I’d have bronchitis with no health plan so I’d have to wait ’til I worked in San Diego and go across the border to get arithromiacin I knew what I needed – I just couldn’t afford a doctor.

    PLUME: How wonderful.

    ALAZRAQUI: Yeah.

    PLUME: And I know the feeling. As a freelance writer, I know the feeling.

    ALAZRAQUI: Oh yeah.

    PLUME: There must have also been that kind of feeling towards the early 90s, when the scene started drying up.

    ALAZRAQUI: Yeah. Yeah, because there were fewer clubs, the competition was greater. So you really had to do well and there was a lot more pressure.

    PLUME: How much of a break, then, was Rocko?

    ALAZRAQUI: Incredible. You know? Just that I could somehow break into this world and make money doing this. It was fantastic.

    PLUME: Now was that the first time you had actually done voice work?

    ALAZRAQUI: Yeah, pretty much.

    PLUME: So it was really just hitting the ball out of the park on the first up to bat.

    ALAZRAQUI: Yeah. Luck.

    PLUME: What was the learning curve for you going into a studio for the first time?

    ALAZRAQUI: Um, pretty severe. I was working with – you know, it was Tom Kenny’s first cartoon, but we were working with Charlie Adler, who’s now a really big director, and he was an amazing voiceover guy at the time, and he was just awesome. So I learned from him really quickly, and watching Tom and the other actors that we had. So that was a real fun, organic experience, Rocko’s Modern Life, and actually Joe Murray and Mark O’Hare and Tom Kenny and I and Doug Lawrence, from Rocko, are now working on Camp Lazlo on Cartoon Network.

    PLUME: And you can definitely feel the same vibe to that.

    ALAZRAQUI: Yeah, we know each other so well. Rocko‘s very special. I learned a lot very quickly.

    PLUME: And you also have a writing credit on Rocko, right?

    ALAZRAQUI: Uh, I may have a small writing credit for a bowling episode we did.

  • Spook’d #85: Extreme Lair Makeover – The Design Team

    -by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee

    Larger sized comic

    Spook'd #85: Extreme Lair Makeover - The Design Team

    To see Spook’d host Alastor’s blogging silliness and more fun Spook’d stuff,visit the Spook’d Web site!

    Check out the preview to…

    E-MAIL WRITER | ABOUT JEFF | ABOUT SETH | SPOOK’D BLOG | SPOOK’D FORUM | ARCHIVES

    Disclaimer: All material in Spook’d is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.

  • Party Favors: Skanklee

     

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    PARIS – I show up in France with a bicycle and a Skippy jar filled to the brim with clean urine sample and those bums still won’t let me try to become Lance Jr. They know that once my golden jar goes through the chemistry set, I get the yellow jersey – no matter how many months it takes me to ride around their country. Are there any pro bikers that aren’t on the juice? 

    Have we reached a part where the next big sport should be called “Who Can Pee Clean?” Forget actual contests, just line up a group of guys to see who can test the cleanest. Isn’t that all the Olympics is about now? Not who is the best, but who has the least amount of rumors about them juicing before the contests? Or having their blood swapped with Keith Richards?

    And what’s up with the head of the World Anti-Doping Agency being named Dick Pound? Isn’t this a case of bragging? If it really weighs a pound, why doesn’t he make real money in the world of porn? And how exactly did a guy who never even won a stinking bronze medal as part of the Canadian swim team in 1960 (when the Olympics allowed water wings) get to be the big mouth in charge of taking the piss out of sports? He’s already a suspect in my book – a Canadian swimmer? How long is water liquid in the Great White North? If you’re in Canada and below the water line, you’ve drowned beneath the ice. Why wasn’t Dick Pound a hockey superstar? Couldn’t find a jock that holds sixteen ounces? If he wants to clean up sports, he really should clean up his name. I think it’s foul how he expects the world to respect a name that Bart Simpson would use to crank call Moe. Was Dick’s wife’s maiden name Plenty O’Toole? (Yes, it’s a James Bond joke).

    And who is the head of the World Doping Agency? Or has someone already hired the former coaches of the East German women’s swim team?

    ALBUM OF 2006 SO FAR

    The winner is Guns ‘N Roses’ Chinese Democracy. Sure it hasn’t come out, but that didn’t stop me from hearing a few rough mixes thanks to various means.  I’ve become obsessed with the leaked tracks over the last few months. Damn shame if at least one action flick doesn’t use “There Was a Time” on the soundtrack. Sure this band is actually just the Axl Rose Show, but there’s no money in selling those t-shirts. When will this record finally come out? Give us the full sound of “Better,” Axl! There’s more layers to these songs. It’s got the same hypnotic quality of Sonic Youth’s Daydream Nation. This is a sonic tapestry that might actually come close to giving a proper snapshot of 21st Century living – the disconnect from the harsh realities. That somehow were supposed to be at war yet we only feel a battle every week when we hit the gas pumps. The desire to surrender privacy to embrace foolish stardom. To consider ourselves artists while allowing corporate goofballs first edit on alleged genius.

    Axl is our last hope unless he sells out and lets VH1 make a reality show about him.

    WE NEED MORE RIBBON

    After catching his act on The Today Show, Tony Orlando is now a candidate for Celebrity Fit Club on VH1. I’m guessing that all that home cooking in Branson, has caught up with the man. He won’t be revisiting his polyester leisure suit collection anytime soon. He might as well get that yellow ribbon tied around the Old Country Buffet. I predict that soon we’ll see Ant jabbering with the man who once ruled Dawn.

    SEAL THE BORDERS

    America’s Got Talent is the work of Satan. It rips off the “Come on down!” moment from Price is Right. It out right steals the three barely celebrity judges and bad acts from The Gong Show. And it robs America of it’s dignity. Satan must have had a hand in having Simon Cowell produce a show that’s hosted by Regis Philbin and judged by David Hasselhoff. Can’t this trio take a night off and leave the entertaining to someone else?  The second judge is Brandy. I despise this woman who annoyingly flaunted her wonderful marriage and upcoming baby on MTV’s Brandy: Special Delivery.  And then when the show ended, she dumped her husband. The highlight of her career – when Allan Havey made her cry during an episode of Punk’d.

    What really makes me hate this show is Piers Morgan. Who is this British Boob? Why did Simon Cowell have to import his mini-me? Forget people being smuggled in from Mexico to take work away from us. Why did INS allow Piers to earn a paycheck in our country? Enough with importing English pricks for reality TV.  I thought there were laws at immigration that makes you have to prove that an American can’t do a job before you can import an employee. Am I supposed to believe that there’s not a single American capable of watching bad talent and pressing a buzzer to light up a big X? Can’t retired NASA chimps do this job?

    Is there a shortage of American pricks? If so, why do I seem to find them clustered at comic book stores every saturday morning? Why did we allow Simon Cowell to import a disgraced English newspaper hack to sit in judgement of ourselves? Do I need to remind you that 200 plus years ago we rose up against a pack of English jerks that judged us? We ran those limey bastards out of this country. And now we’re putting them on TV and want to make cult figures out of them. America’s talent must not involve detecting frauds like Piers. I don’t have a problem with too many English people including Diana Rigg, Benny Hill and the guys in Monty Python. But they wanted to entertain us – not be gate keepers to our culture.

    Rise up, America. Let’s put an end to this English occupation of Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan and their ilk. Do you think Patrick Henry would be turn on America’s  Got Talent? Enough with this Red Coat TV.

    ENOUGH CLOWN TIME FOR DAVID

    NBC needs to quit dragging David Gregory up to New York City to host the Today Show. The man is the only active pit bull in the White House press room. And when he’s called up to fill in for Matt Laurer, we’re stuck with a horde of lapdogs that send Tony Snow love letter that would make Jeff Gannon blush.

    Remember when serious newsmen were serious in what they covered? Sure they might have had to do stupid on camera gigs on their way up the ladder. But once they reached a top network gig, they didn’t have to demean themselves for a sweeps week stunt. Now here’s NBC forcing their main man in the White House to do dofus cooking segments when Matt Lauer is on vacation. Why must NBC embarrass Gregory so when he returns to D.C., he can be cheerfully cut down with chuckles and quips from the president about why Gregory isn’t interviewing the farmer who grew the world’s largest watermelon.

    Or maybe I’m wrong in thinking that NBC news isn’t beneath making their talent turn into circus clown.

    TOPPLED OVER

    Am I really watching The World Domino Tournament on ESPN2? Dominos on ESPN? This is a continuing show and not a segment with Kenny Mayne goofing off around the guys. When is EPSN going to give us the Monopoly championship? How about Rook? Operation would be good, but only under the Higgins Boys and Gruber rules – instead of D cell batteries, it’s 2 car batteries attached to the patient. Your nose will go red, too.

    There’s only one sport I want to see on ESPN – competitive lesbianism. I know it’s a judged sport, but it’s very visual and looks good in slo-mo.

    GOLLY, IT’S DUKE!

    With the success of Robert Pine, cameo superstar, it’s time to pay tribute to Ronnie Schell. You would remember him best as Private Duke Slater on Gomer Pyle U.S.M.C. But Ronnie show to become a continual presence as a guest acting legend.  Oddly enough, he’s yet to appear on any version of C.S.I. and Law and Order.

    VICE SLOPS

    Ten Reasons Why this new Miami Vice film doesn’t work for me:

    10. Colin Farrell’s hair. What exactly was Michael Mann doing when he approved the semi-mullet?

    9. Lack of cameo from Michael Talbott! How can they make the film without a visit from Det. Switek?

    8. Where’s the pastel? The trailer is so dreary. Was the wardrobe mistress getting her clothes from the goth shop?

    7. Uptight ain’t right. There’s no give and go between the Crockett and Tubbs at any point in the trailer. Every character looks as uptight as Lt. Castillo. Every one looks like they’re acting tough by holding back a fart.

    6. Where’s Brad and Will? When Mann was first casting the film, the rumor was that Brad Pitt and Will Smith wanted the roles. Those two would have been able to bring their Se7en and Bad Boys background to the tip of Florida. People want to see them talking crap to each other. Has anyone pondered a tag team of Colin and Jamie Foxx?

    5. It’s shot on video. Sure it’s the VIPER FilmStream camera. But it’s still just “Big TV” and not cinema.

    4. Jamie Foxx’s performance. Has any Oscar winner ever been compared to Philip Michael Thomas?

    3. No score from Jan Hammer.

    2. Where’s Saundra Santiago?

    1. Where the hell is season 3 of the TV show? How can Universal not keep putting out the original Vice love?

    For all I know, this is a really good film. But so many of the elements that made Miami Vice a series better than Booker have been chucked out the window. What’s the point in calling it Miami Vice?

    SQUID LOVE

    Fourteen new episodes of Squidbillies are in production. This will be the first cartoon to win a Noble prize. The first six Squidbillies go up there with the first batch of Ren and Stimpy cartoons. I wish I had more respect for John K, but the man hasn’t been able to entertain me in nearly 15 years. He gets so high and mighty – especially when worshipping Bob Clampett that you think John K didn’t create The Ripping Friends. Hopefully the folks behind Squidbillies won’t crap out on us.

    And does anyone know why Charles Napier doesn’t get real credit for voicing the sheriff on Squidbillies? And when is he going to get a lifetime achievement award from some entertainment group?

    SKANKLEE

    Supposedly Playboy magazine offered Ashlee Simpson $4 million to pose nude. What? Maybe that’s Hong Kong dollars. Who wants to see this skank for $4 million when in a few more months, she’ll be begging for a deal making Vivid Videos.

    The creepy element has to be that Joe Simpson is somehow involved in this rumor. How many fathers like to brag while shopping at Wal-Mart that Playboy wants his daughter naked for the fat dollars? Then again, what’s the point of her getting the new face and body without showing it off?

    The only way Ashlee would be worth the money is if she ends up posing for the guys who take the pics for those water bondage sites.  As it is right now, I bet there’s four million people willing to send a dollar to Playboy so they can burn the photos before they tear into our retinas.

    NOT SWITCHED AT BIRTH

    How exactly is Eric Wareheim not related to Brian Posehn? Brian has appeared on Tom Goes to the Mayor so I know they aren’t the same person.

    BAKED IN THE BOXES

    What’s the point of afternoon baseball during the work week? Do people really want to skip work to see the Tampa Bay Devil Rays? Nothing like spending the hottest part of the day sweating in the stands and paying $50 for the sizzling seat. Not to mention the $10 beers to keep you cool. When you’re faking sick, why do you want to risk heat stroke? Cause your boss is going to know you’re a liar when you show up as red as lobster.

    RATE THE NEW KIDS

    The Surreal Life 7 cast has been announced and it has the potential to be one that I might watch before they have the marathon weekend.

    Randy Savage (WWF wrestler and Slim Jim spokesman) – Wonder how bitter he’ll be that VH1 makes him share a show with these folks while the Hulkster runs wild! Bet he’s going to talk about his rap career.

    Lita Ford (Metal Guitar Goddess) – While not a friend of her music, I do remember soloing to her videos.

    Phil Hellmuth Jr (poker player) – I’m looking forward to seeing the biggest dick in cards try to exist around people. I still remember that big game that Annie Duke played his ass hard.

    Carrot Top (comic genius) – How many trunks will he get to move into the house? Has anyone tested this man’s urine for roids?

    Tina Jordan (former Playboy Playmate) – One of Hef’s discards attempts to get her some Girls Next Door action. I used to enjoy her visits to Howard Stern’s E! show. Wonder if she’ll get naked for the pool or turn out to be the prude tease.

    Niki McKibbin (American Idol season 1) – Who? How did this person get the week off from working at Dennys?

    Bushwick Bill (Rapper from the Geto Boys) – I thought this guy was dead. I swear there was a report of his death on one of those dead rapper shows. He was the little person in the badass group. Are they sure he’s not dead?

    Chris Wink (blue man group) – Will he have to wear the blue make up for the whole show? Watch out at breakfast. i’ve seen what he’s done to a box of Cap’n Crunch.

    Tanya Roberts (Actress) – Her “Las Vegas calling” ads sound like bomb threats.

    Dabney Coleman (Actor) – My pick for the house member most likely to go nuts and strangle the Blue Man Group guy.
     

  • Preachin’ from the Longbox: Failure to Launch

     

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    This week’s sermon – “Failure to Launch”

    07/10/06 

    Greetings, my fellow readers of the sequential arts. 

    This column may not speak directly to you but I humbly request that you, the reader, will come along for a ride as I’ve decided to offer some topical insight into the whole comic book business. 

    So, let me just start with a few questions: 

    Have you ever felt despondent when a comic book publisher announces that they’ve decided to cancel your favorite title due to lack of sales?

    Or, have you felt angry when a comic book that your store has devoted time and energy into developing a loyal and buying readership only to see said title get the figurative axe?

    Or, is your name Dan Slott, who has given both DC and Marvel such money titles like Arkham Asylum: Living Hell and She-Hulk only to see the same companies kill such winners like Manhunter and The Thing, respectively?

    Believe me when I say that I understand your collective pain.  Ya see, I’ve got something that should resolve all of those problems.  Yes, even yours, Dan.  But, before I unveil my intellectual creation, I want to explain the events that lead up to this point where I can offer anyone (yes, even you out there in the teeming Blogville universe) the methods to apply my simple techniques into a big-time winning comic book publisher.  Dying to know, aren’t ya?

    It all began a couple of weeks ago when a couple of questions started to kick around in my expansive cranium.  I had just heard about the cancellation of one of my regular monthly titles.  The question was – Why couldn’t this title garner enough readers in order to avoid meeting the business end of the bean counter’s executioner’s blade?  Can all of the blame rest at the creators’ collective feet?  Or were there other factors involved that led to a seemingly good title’s demise?  To me, questions like these cry out to be answered so other generations of quality books can avoid the same fate. 

    Like I stated above, the mitigating factor in the increasing cancellation rate of comic books are based on the lack of units sold.  Due to the boom/bust of the early 90s, most comic companies don’t have the luxury of letting a low-selling title gain a big cult following over a sustained length of time anymore.  If you can’t pull the minimum number of units every month (otherwise known as the Chuck Austen Line), your run will be shorter than Johnny Fairplay’s stay on Fear Factor – Reality TV All-Stars.  As the saying goes, it’s not personal; bidnez is just that – bidnez.  

    (To tell you the truth, the last book that I can even remember that grew an grass-roots audience was “Powers”.  And even then that book had a ton of things going its way like it was part of Image’s foray back into super-hero comics, the fact that it was heavily acclaimed by the critics and since it was Brian Michael Bendis’ first consequential Big Three book, he plugged the hell out of it.  Really, if he’s like publicity gold for comic books.  No joke; the man is a PR company’s wet dream.) 

    Back to the hard sell.  So, what can be done to save these well-liked but never bought comics, you ask?  Well, I’m glad you did.  

    This column is being used as a springboard for my patent-pending production model that will revolutionize comic book publishing as we know it (as well as make me into an infomercial force on late night TV).   

    It’s called the Trifecta Paradigm System (copyright also pending) and it goes a little something like this.  

    There are three major players in making a good comic book into a successful and profitable product – the publisher, the distributor, and the retail/hobby shop owners.  All three parts need to work in concert in order to gain financial freedom. And with the purchase of the Trifecta Paradigm System (or TPS), they can make money hand over fist time and time again without fail. 

    Now, I hear all of the doubters out there now saying things like: 

    “Doesn’t this sound too good to be true?”Â 
    “How can you promise something like this?”
    “This guy is so full of it!”Â 

    My answers to those questions would be as follows:

    “Sure.”
    “I’m like Fed-Ex, my man.  I’m not just promising; I’m delivering world-wide.”
    “Why do you think that my initials are BS?”Â 

    For those others that are still interested, I’ll give you a little taste for free but like your neighborhood drug dealers (or AOL/MSN service providers), the rest is gonna cost you. 

    For example, one of the cogs in the comic book machine is the publisher.  Their job is to make the book as cheap as possible while not sacrificing the quality of the book.  However, if the publisher wants to keep their bottom line on production low, why are so many of them making more than one cover?  Variant covers are one of the biggest money pits/scams that is being perpetuated today.  Not only does the publisher have to put out additional bills for the printing and packaging of the different cover, there’s the cost for the cover artists.  Not to mention the possible extra cost of handling said variant differently than the “regular” comics.  Sure, an argument can be made for the scarcity of the books making the book in demand.  However, that is just and artificial attempt in making the book seem “buzz”-worthy.  And just like any product that gives you an artificial buzz, the impending crash can be devastating.  (Being in more meetings that humanly possible, I’ve been on both sides of that mid-morning sugar crash ““ not fun.) 

    Another job that is the responsibility of the publisher is the number of units produced.  Sure, the initial cost for printing a comic book is relatively high but why must publishers short their print run?  Printing an additional 20K-30K can be had at a very discounted price so the only reason is that it is just another method of creating an artificial “buzz” on a book due to its limited availability.  Again, most readers will see through that bull crap and playing tricks on your readers won’t make them your readers for much longer. 

    So, how can you show these companies, some who are mega-billion dollar corporations with their Harvard-educated presidents of Publishing, the proper and most profitable method of making comic books.  Well, that’s relatively easy.  All you have to do is”¦Â 

    Now, do you want to read more of this valuable insight from one of the leading minds in comic book excellence?  Before you ask the price, here’s what you get: 

    • A five-CD detailing each of the three parts of the Trifecta Paradigm System
    • A 100-page workbook to help determine where you, the reader, fit into the TPS
    • A 30-minute phone card with a personal number for yours truly; consider it a personal counseling session with the Preacher hisself
    • An 8″x10″ autographed Glamour Shot of the Preacher suitable for framing
    • The official TPS diagram that reducing all of the knowledge gleamed from the materials into a simple and easy-to-follow diagram

    Now, how much would you pay?  $500?  $400?

    Since you are a loyal reader of Preachin’ from the Longbox, I’m prepared to offer you this wonderful package of comic book business knowledge for three easy payments of $99 pkus $14.50 Shipping and Handling.

    But this offer is only good for the next 15 minutes after reading this column.  Don’t delay; act NOW!

    Or you will continue see books that you love go the editorial chopping block and they won’t come back, people.  It’s either that or you can do the unthinkable ““ tell everyone that you know (and even some people that you don’t) about these books that are really perfect examples of how wonderful the comic book medium really is.  And then, just maybe only then, will books like “The Thing” avoid the possibility of becoming the comic books’ next version of Marie Antoinette.  

    The PftL Mailbox
     

    PftL lifer Eddie C writes: 

    “Glad to see your back on the new site. I was worried for a moment that the column was discontinued. Anyway, what happened to the ’email the author’ links at the end of the columns? It was a lot easier, but I’m not complaining.”
     
    PftL:  That should be taken care of by this column but thanks for keeping me in your address book. 

    “Based on your review of ‘The Batman,’ I think I’ll give it another chance. Only saw a couple episodes from the first season, but I wasn’t too impressed. Didn’t like their version of The Joker at all. He seemed too different from any previous incarnation of The Joker I’d gotten use too (especially B:TAS, but I wasn’t trying to compare it solely to that). Just seemed inconsistent with any other version of the Joker (comics, TV) I ever liked.” 

    PftL:  I think that’s the one thing that drew me to the series.  Joker is a wacked-out nutjob.  So, why does he always have to be so nattily attired in a green and purple suit?  Other characters can be redesigned like Scarecrow, Catwoman ““ hell even Robin without a major upheaval by the comic community, so why not Clown Prince of Crime?  Plus he’s supposed to be crazy and if you ever see that one weird smelly guy in the street who talks to himself about his new alien masters, he probably doesn’t have shoes either.
     
    “Also, didn’t Bane turn out to be his friend from the police force (voiced by ‘Practice’ actor Steve Harris, can’t remember the character’s name) or did I miss something. Is that how it happened in the comic or was that way off?” 

    PftL: Actually that was the Clayface character and again, I like the origin change as well as making it a different person than the comics since it added some pathos to the villain plus gave a Batman more of a personal attachment to his crusade.
     
    “Anyway, the stories weren’t too bad (I saw an interesting Catwoman episode, although the plot was all-too familiar) and I’m not against the idea of seeing a different version of Batman. I mean, hey, isn’t that what Frank Miller gave us in his stories and what we saw in the new (and much improved) “Batman Begins” (which of course was inspired in part by Miller’s Year One story). When you think about it, the character has changed so much over the years, so there really is no definitive version of Batman. Different writers and artists bring something new to the character, interpreting him in their own way (well, the good ones at least). That’s what keeps these characters so fresh over so many years. You have to bring something new to the character, while adhering to what’s come before. That is part and parcel to comics, so any true comic fan looking at ‘The Batman’ shouldn’t expect a retread of B:TAS. I agree, they should keep their minds open at least. There are writers who come and go on comic books and some have a deep impact on the character, but you don’t stop reading the book when your favorite writer leaves, do you? Well maybe, but eventually you come back if you like the character enough.” 

    PftL: You’re right about the ebb and flow of the superfluous stuff around a character.  I guess that I don’t understand how some readers are so determine to hate something just because it is different that either their expectations or what they consider is the definitive ideal of the character.  Hell, the original Bat-Man used a gun and wore purple gloves.  Sometimes change can be good.  The problem comes, like in any character alive or fictional, when personal growth or development is stunted or shunned.  Then, everything becomes stale.  And that’s boring.

    “The Batman’s biggest mistake I suppose was arriving too quickly on the heels of what was probably the best adaptation of Batman ever in animated form. Maybe they should have waited a little. (Just kidding).”

    PftL:  I can see that but shockingly enough, the series came out before the movie.  Hey. Was that a jab at me?  Or am I becoming paranoid?  Thanks for the email, Eddie. 

    And if you want to be like Eddie and receive word from high upon the Longbox of Wisdom, click the name at the end of the column and send that email.  It won’t hurt and more than likely, you’ll see your email plus whatever I have say (like you care about that) on this here space in future week’s editions.  C’mon, what ‘cha waiting for? 

    The One Comic To Keep Your Eye On

    Before I start with this one book, I want to offer this disclaimer.  Usually, I don’t offer reviews here on the Quick Stop Entertainment Network for two reasons: 

    • My grasp of the English language is suspect, at best (at least that’s what my Doctor of Rhetorical English brother tells me)
    • And I find that I usually gravitate to books that I like and ignore ones that I don’t (like any book where Rob Liefeld pulls a double-shift since it’s like shooting drunk fish in a fish bowl with a shotgun full of buckshot). 

    Now, here’s a PftL review:

     

    Emily Edison Cover

     

    Emily Edison (Viper Comics)
    Writer: David Hopkins
    Artist: Brock Rizy
    Foreword by Dave Crosland
    143 pages; Color, $12.95
    All-Ages 

    Now this book was not what I expected.  And that’s a good thing.  Emily Edison is a teenaged girl who is joint custody of a poor Earth appliance repairman/inventor and a Royal superwoman from a different plane of existence.  Okay that’s not too weird.  Oh, yeah, her maternal grandfather keeps sending robots over to Earth to conquer it in order for his granddaughter to come back to his world.  Now, that’s something different.  

    Hopkins does a good job of conveying the dilemma of Emily and handles the direction of the book’s plot quite nicely.  The dialogue is not forced and Emily, along with most of her supporting cast, are well developed (except for her dad, who does get kind of the shaft as far as character development but that’s a minor setback). 

    Rizy’s art has some decent energy within the panels and his influences from Crosland to Mahfood to Morse are very prevalent but his artwork never crosses the line into aping.  The color palette adds some extra funkiness to the scenes and the layout is never too busy or distracts for the action at hand. 

    Conceptually, the book is also divided into four chapters, which makes for natural breaks in the action.  And speaking of action, this book is nothing but just that.  Emily Edison is just like a younger Magnus.  She knows how to fight robots and nothing is better than seeing a robot bent on bad things get crushed like an aluminum beer can by a super-powered teenager. 

    Emily Edison doesn’t require knowing a ton full of continuity and just throws you right in the action, which makes for a enjoyable read and a head a many of the books already out there now.  Reading the book is almost like going to a matinee to see an animated summertime popcorn movie.  It’s a fun, solid read.  

    My only request ““ I want to see a prequel of how the dad and mom got together in the first place.  I’m picturing a cross between Flash Gordon and Adam Strange.  So, David and Brock, get to work.  Bring on the Prequel!

    That’s it.  I’m off the Longbox this week.  Thanks for reading.  And don’t forget, guys and gals.  Keep your bags & boards together and your continuity straight.

    -britt

    * All claims here within are used only for satirical purposes.  The author will not be held accountable if funds are transferred to his PayPal account without any product delivered. * 

  • Ken P. D. Snyde-Cast #11: Evil, Evil Visions

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    Adult Swim’s Dana Snyder and FRED’s Ken Plume set out to have a literate conversation between two pals, but inevitably devolve into a verbal, and funny, free-for-all full of bickering, infighting, and the special kind of male bonding that comes from conflict expressed through the podcast medium.

    Actor/comedian/raconteur Dana Snyder, you’re certainly aware, is Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, Squidbillies‘ Granny, Minoriteam’s Dr. Wang, and The Venture Bros.‘ Alchemist. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (bat availability pending), you can keep tabs on him via his website, www.eyeofthesnyder.com.

    Ken Plume is the editor-in-chief here at FRED. He is a friend of Dana’s, as well as his arch-nemesis.

    VISIT THE SNYDECAST EXPERIENCE

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    KEN P.D. SNYDECAST #11: Evil, Evil Visions – The subject matter of this week’s Ken P. D. Snydecast leaves Ken with but one thought…”Why?”

    [CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

    DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
    Episode #11 (MP3 format)

    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/snydecast/ken_p_d_snyde_cast-11.mp3]

    SUBSCRIBE
    Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

    Got something to say? E-mail Dana & Ken at the Snydecast mailbag.

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    CLICK HERE FOR THE SNYDECAST ARCHIVES

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  • Nocturnal Admissions: Book Review, Pretend We’re Dead

     

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    In case you haven’t noticed, film book publishing is at its peak right now. There are more new books on cinematic subjects now then there were at it’s peak, which was from about 1968 to 1973 when all the (still) great film books were published. It all went to shit shortly thereafter, and throughout the 1980s, film topics couldn’t find a publisher. Fortunately, things have changed, and there are new books by the old guys, such as Robin Wood and David Bordwell, and great new books on diverse topics from writers as diverse as Linda Ruth Williams and Chris Fujiwara. 

    Pretend coverAnd if there is one vein of publishing that has proved to be the most fruitful, it is in genre and especially horror. FAB Press is doing a fantastic job, as are Reynolds and Hearn and numerous other independent presses. But mostly it’s been academic and university presses that have exploded in a wealth of books on horror films and other genres.

    Into this mix comes Annalee Newitz’s Pretend We’re Dead: Capitalist Monsters in American Pop Culture (Duke University Press, 224 pages, $21.95, ISBN 0 8223 3745 2). It’s a terrific survey of “monster” movies of the last 20 or so years and pop culture well before that, and focusing on cannibals, robots, and serial killers.

    Now, Newitz isn’t the typical college prof who has been mining the same narrow topic for a lifetime. She has written for The Believer and Salon.com, and has published two previous books on quasi sociological or American Studies topics. And she brings zest and wide ranging cultural references to her topic, plus a knack for presenting complex ideas out of Marx, Benjamin, Baudrillard, and Horkheimer, explaining them clearly and using them to illustrate how cinema has become a canvas upon which the culture has been grappling in fantasy with overwork, bad bosses, and meager returns. What she’s talking about is the horrific complement to what I called “Heroic Alienation,” films such as Clockwatchers, American Beauty, Office Space, and Fight Club, that take on the boredom and injustice of the workplace.

     

    Donald Sutherland, Day of the Locust

     

    For me, the most interesting part of the book is chapter 5, which, after chapters on serial killers, mad scientists, the undead, and robots in that order, focuses on “media” monsters. This is a wholly original contribution to film studies, in which Newitz collates together disparate tangents of the culture to show us in unified form what has been there the whole time. The other chapters are fine, and Newitz has new and interesting things to say about robot love and serial killers in films, but it is essentially old if still interesting ground, covered by many other books, including Philip L. Simpson’s Psycho Paths, Joan Hawkins’s Cutting Edge, Mikita Brottman’s Offensive Films, and Adam Lowenstein’s Shocking Representations. The chapter starts off with a placement of the audience in relation to the screen by some aspects of George Lucas’s THX Sound adverts in theaters. The catch phrase “The Audience is Listening” strikes Newitz as rather ominous, although I have to say that her argument didn’t really convince me, as the phrase can be interpreted in multiple ways with the context she gives in her book. She then goes on to provide an operating definition of what type of film she is trying to define here, i.e., “monsters of the culture industry,” narratives about people who use and consume or are used by mass media. These films have no consistent genre attributes as do mad scientist films (or women in prison films, for that matter), but there are recurrent themes or situations, such as how stars and directors are portrayed and how consumers are often reduced to muttering zombies by overuse.

     

    Day of the Locust stomp

     

    This chapter is then sub-divided into four mini sections, each addressing different facts of “media horror” movies. Under consideration first are films set in Hollywood (that site of “crazed but meaningless productivity”) or in the movie business, including Day of the Locust (in which Homer Simpson, played by Donald Sutherland, is torn to pieces by a frenzied crowd outside the premiere of The Buccaneer), The Bad and the Beautiful, All About Eve, Sunset Boulevard (which suddenly makes sense if one views it as a gothic or a horror story), and Whatever Happened to Baby Jane, tales of people driven made by lust for fame or other inconveniences of show biz. Next she takes on films that play with ideas of the effects of pervasive media culture on citizens, including Logan’s Run, Videodrome, Scream, and Nurse Betty. Fantasies about people who drop into media productions follows: Pleasantville, The Truman Show, Tron, and The Matrix (films where the characters here are “eaten by a giant narrative”). Finally films such as The Last Starfighter, Galaxy Quest, and The Ring play with notions of belief in fantasy constructions that turn out to be real.

    This is all fascinating stuff, a new way of seeing films about films and other media, as horror films. But because it is groundbreaking material, some of the connective tissue is a little tenuous. I found myself not entirely clear on just what the genre she is talking about, and the genres within it, really had to do with horror. At the same time, I could also come up with additional titles that seemed to fit into her descriptions and thesis that she doesn’t mention – not that a book has to mention everything, but these films might have buttressed her definition. For example, there’s Hollywood Boulevard, which is an actual horror film, and The Big Knife, another Hollywood tale about horrific people. In terms of the horror of media, I can also think of The China Syndrome, Rollerball, The Running Man, Freejack, and Halloween 3: Season of the Witch. In the media business realm, demonlover comes to mind, and in alternate realities and games, The Thirteenth Floor, Dark City, eXistenZe, Shocker, and Wes Craven’s New Nightmare seem pertinent.

    And there is the occasional error. She has Margo Channing’s boyfriend in All About Eve, played by Gary Merrill, as a writer, rather than a director (Hugh Marlowe is the writer), and in general tends to credit the director with everything good in a movie. But Nurse Betty is anomalous in Neil LaBute’s work for being written by others, in this case, John C. Richards and James Flamberg, and The Truman Show was written by the interesting Andrew Niccol who went on to write and direct Gattaca.

     

    Bill Atherton screaming

     

    But as I say it’s new territory. To make up for lapses and the odd mistake Newitz more than makes up in insight and wit. On Baby Jane: “When nobody wants to look at an actress anymore, she deliberately makes herself more or less deliberately hideous.” And, “The idea that audiences take pleasure in the degradation of their screen idols is one of the most disquieting parts of the horror narrative known as mass culture.”

     

     

  • Scrubs Blog: Week 30 ““ The Todd’s Lunch

     

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    It may be summer hiatus, but we roll out the next in a series of exclusive episode commentaries to hold you over the long wait for Season 6″¦

    BLOG-COMMENTARY #6: Episode 5×20 – “My Lunch” –
    The Todd himself, Rob Maschio, commentates on an episode marking some major revelations in his sex-crazed character. All you have to do is download the mp3 file below, cue up the episode on your TIVO, VHS, DVD, or computer, then hit play on the commentary (or you can download the free Sharecrow DVD player, which allows you to sync up commentaries on your computer). Hope you dig it”¦

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    DOWNLOAD:
    mp3 Format (21.2 MBs)

     

  • Weekend Shopping Guide 7/7/06: Dark Knight Dini

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    This week’s a bit light, considering the holiday and a relative lack of DVD releases this week. Still, there’s a few things worth dropping a dime on, so let’s get movin’…

    The first issue of Paul Dini’s run on the (thankfully) revamped Detective Comics (DC, $2.95) hit shelves this week, and you gotta run to your local comic shop and snatch it up, then hunt down Paul at Comic-Con in just a little over a week and get him to sign it. Or just stare at him from across a room, wondering why so few have such a brilliant handle on the Dark Knight like Paul does. You may also recall that Mr. Dini and his sock monkey son Rashy do their own talk show here at Quick Stop, “Monkey Talk”. You should really check that out, too. Hint. Hint.

    When most creative people view the re-launch of a venerable franchise as a 1,2,3 process of simply wiping out what came before and starting from scratch, it takes a delicate hand – and an often harrowing leap of faith – to decide to revitalize a franchise while still keeping its previous continuity intact. It’s rare that such an endeavor proves successful, but just such a creative miracle was achieved by Russell T. Davies, executive producer the rejuvenated Doctor Who (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$99.98 SRP). Re-launched last year on the BBC to critical praise and fan approval, the Doctor’s adventures pulled in huge audiences of both old and new fans of all ages, proving that you don’t always have to throw the proverbial baby out with the bathwater. Starring Christopher Eccleston as the time traveling Doctor (the ninth in a line that’s included the legendary Tom Baker, Jon Pertwee, Patrick Troughton, Sylvester McCoy, Colin Baker, Peter Davison, William Hartnell, and Paul McGann) and Billie Piper as faithful and feisty companion Rose Tyler, it’s amazing how well it all pulled together. The 5-disc complete first season set features all 13 episodes, plus audio commentaries and behind-the-scenes featurettes.

    With a title like Loving the Machine: The Art and Science of Japanese Robots (Kodansha America, $26.95 SRP), how could I not crack this book open as soon as I laid eyes on it? Thankfully, its contents live up to the title, featuring everything from Astroboy to assembly line mechanical arms dueling with lightsabers at a trade show.

    Tom DeFalco returns with another in his fascinating Comics Creators On… series, this time focusing on the writers and artists behind the long history of those mighty mutants, the X-Men (Titan Books, $17.95 SRP). Interviewees include Stan Lee, John Byrne, Chris Claremont, Alan Davis, Grant Morrison, Louise Simonson, Dave Cockrum, and more.

    Hans Zimmer’s scores too often veer into sonic wallpaper for me, but I was duly impressed by his score for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (Walt Disney Records, $18.98 SRP), a rousing, swashbuckling affair that captivated me from start to finish. Stunning, I know.

    It took a film like Find Me Guilty (Fox, Rated R, DVD-$27.98 SRP) to remember that, when he tries and he has a solid director and script behind him, Vin Diesel can actually act. Here he plays Jackie Dee DiNorscio, a real life gangster who refused to rat out the Luccehese crime family and instead opted to defend himself – in what turned out to be one of the most surreal trials of al time. Wisecracking and affable, DiNorscio turned the court upside down, and Diesel delivers a memorable performance bringing it to cinematic life. The DVD features a conversation with director Sidney Lumet, TV spots, and the theatrical trailer.

    Jack Kirby’s epic Fourth World gets the spotlight in the latest tabloid-sized issue (#46) of the Jack Kirby Collector (Twomorrows, $9.95 SRP), packed with original pencil sketches, rare pages, and so much more cool stuff that upholds Twomorrows rep as the best comics history torchbearer publishing today.

    Also worth checking out is the first volume in the 3-volume arc of graphic novels acting as a prequel to director Richard Kelly’s Southland Tales, Two Roads Diverge (Graphitti Designs, $12.95 SRP). The film itself will comprise the final three volumes of the saga, so pick up a copy and get started on a most unique journey.

    Farrah Fawcett had departed (save for a guest appearance), and you could tell that it was the beginning of the end for those femmes of the mission impossible set, Charlie’s Angels (Sony, Not Rated, DVD-$49.95 SRP). The 6-disc third season set contains all 24 episodes – one of which features a guest turn from Scatman Crothers. Scatman Crothers plusses anything he graces.

    And finally, how about a look at a few characters from the latest series of Family Guy figures (Mezco, $12.00 SRP each), featuring Peter (as Gary the No Trash Cougar), The Sales Man, Tricia Takanawa, Greased-Up Deaf Guy, God, and McGriffen?

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    So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

  • Comics in Context #136: Before There Were Cars

     

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    cic-20060707-01.jpgOne of the reasons I started doing “Comics in Context” was to criticize critics.  As the mainstream media grew more interested in comics and cartoon art in recent years, various film critics and other writers would make assertions about the subject that were condescending, prejudiced, or outright wrong.  

    Matters have improved over the last three years, but the release of Pixar’s new animated feature Cars has drawn some very strange reactions indeed from certain major film critics, as I shall discuss next week.

    One mistake by a major reviewer, however, gives me the opportunity to delve into a subject that has long been waiting to take its turn in this column. 

    “The animation of the inanimate has been a staple from the dancing brooms of Fantasia right up to the talking clock in Beauty and the Beast and the remote-control car in Toy Story,” wrote Anthony Lane in his New Yorker review of Cars (June 19, 2006).  The brooms don’t dance, but lumber back and forth to music, but Lane has a bigger mistake to make.  He continues, “In each case, however, these were bit parts, put there to fidget and fuss while the humans, or humanoids, or the mice got on with their narrative tasks.”  And that’s not true.

    In interviews, Cars director John Lasseter has repeatedly mentioned that he got the idea to put the cars’ eyes in their windshields from the 1952 Disney animated short Susie the Little Blue Coupe, whose title character is a living car. 

    In fact, Disney has a tradition of doing animated cartoons that present an entire culture composed of animals or of objects that in real life are inanimate.   Except for The Incredibles, the Pixar features fall into this tradition, depicting communities of toys (Toy Story and Toy Story 2), insects (A Bug’s Life), monsters (Monsters, Inc.), fish (Finding Nemo), and now automobiles (Cars) that are analogues to human society.  (The Incredibles portrays a community of superhumans existing within a larger “normal” human society. See “Comics in Context” #62.)  Whereas the earlier Pixar features acknowledged that humans also exist in their worlds, Lasseter takes the concept further in Cars by depicting an alternate Earth dominated by automobile society, in which humans – or, for that matter, animals – do not exist.

    This animation tradition is a subject that I originally intended to address in my reviews of last year’s retrospective by the Film Society of Lincoln Center, “I Love to Singa: Cartoon Musicals,” curated by animation historian Greg Ford.  Previously I wrote about the programs with cartoons directed by Tex Avery and Chuck Jones (“Comics in Context” #100, 101 and 102), cartoons from Max Fleischer Studios (“Comics in Context” #116 and 117), and classic Disney “Mickey Mouse” cartoons (“Comics in Context” #109).  I had to postpone my review of another Disney program, “‘Sillies’ and Other Symphonies,” but Cars provides me with an appropriate occasion.  Better late than never.

    The main subject of this program was the “Silly Symphonies,”  a series of animated shorts that Disney produced alongside its “Mickey Mouse” shorts in the 1930s.  As their name suggests, the “Silly Symphonies” were often designed around musical themes. Other studios blatantly mimicked the “Silly Symphonies” name for their own cartoons:  hence, Warner Brothers’ “Looney Tunes” and “Merry Melodies,” which would evolve quite far away from the “Silly Symphonies” format.  The title of Bob Clampett’s 1943 Fantasia parody, A Corny Concerto (see “Comics in Context” #101), would be yet another variation on the “Silly Symphonies” name.

    Disney used the “Silly Symphonies” to venture into subject matter that was very different from the “Mickey Mouse” shorts (and its spinoff “Donald Duck,” “Goofy” and “Pluto” cartoon series), such as fairy tales:  Disney’s Three Little Pigs was a “Silly Symphony,” as one might guess from the famous song it introduced, “Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?” Disney also used the “Silly Symphony” series to experiment with new animation methods.  Many “Silly Symphonies,” including some that I mention in this column, can be seen on Walt Disney Treasures: Silly Symphonies, a DVD set released back in 2001. 

    In his program notes for the “Sillies” program, Ford noted, in rather academic prose, that “From the outset, the “Symphonies” were apt to pictorialize self-enclosed communities of cartoon beings tied to fixed visual themes,” such as insects or cookies or even musical instruments.

    cic-20060707-02.jpgThe first “Silly Symphony” in the Lincoln Center program, Musicland (1935), provides a perfect parallel to Cars.  Musicland depicts a world, or at least a pair of islands, where humans and animals do not exist:  the Island of Symphony and the Isle of Jazz, separated by the Sea of Discord. Every character in Musicland is an anthropomorphic musical instrument.  The Queen of Symphony and her daughter are violins.  The King of the Isle of Jazz is a saxophone, caricatured to resemble Paul Whiteman, a famous orchestra leader of the time who conducted jazz; the King’s son is also a sax.  Musicland necessarily goes further than Cars, not only giving its characters eyes and mouths, but also hands and feet (so they can move).  On the other hand, Musicland has no dialogue:  its characters speak in musical sounds.  The princess sounds like a violin, and she even moves to classical music.

    Furthermore, virtually everything else on the two islands is a musical instrument, or designed to evoke music.   A tree resembles a bass violin.  A park bench is shaped like notes of music.  When the prince writes a letter, he inscribes musical notes, not letters, on a sheet of paper.

    Since there is no dialogue, Musicland is something like a silent movie with a musical score: the storytelling is done through entirely visual means.  Anyway, the story follows a familiar pattern: it’s basically Romeo and Juliet, albeit with a happy ending.  (It also foreshadows, and perhaps influenced, the romantic subplot of the Fleischers’ 1939 animated feature Gulliver’s Travels.)  Despite the rivalry between their nations, the Princess of Symphony and the Prince of Jazz fall in love with each other.
    The queen discovers their tryst, and sends guards (more violins) wielding guns (their bows), who imprison the Prince (within a giant metronome). 

    Soon war breaks out between the islands.  The King of Jazz conducts long horns, resembling guns, which fire bursts of music.  The Queen of Symphony conducts her own set of cannons:  enormous organ pipes, which play (what else?) Richard Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries.”  And here we once again have the image of the conductor, which turns up in so many musical cartoons.

    Notice that there is no King of Symphony, nor a Queen of Jazz.  Is Musicland suggesting that classical music, and high culture in general, is a feminine domain, personified by the grim, humorless Queen,  while jazz is somehow “masculine,” as personified by the jolly, extroverted King?  Does the war between the King and Queen symbolize tension between one’s parents?  Or, metaphorically, are the King and Queen two sides of the same personality, which must be reunited?

    Carrying a white flag of truce, the Princess rows across the Sea of discord in her boat, which is really a bass violin case.  The “boat” is hit and sinks as the Prince, escaped from prison, rushes to her rescue.  Seeing their children in danger, the King and Queen halt the battle.  (In Romeo and Juliet, sorrow over the deaths of the rival families’ favorite children puts an end to their feud.) The Prince rescues the Princess, and together they sink (in symbolic death), but are immediately rescued (and symbolically resurrected, unlike Romeo and Juliet), as a couple.  The King rises above his anger and extends his hand to the Queen, who reciprocates, and another couple is united:   Mom and Dad are no longer at odds.

    The cartoon thus ends with a double wedding, presided over by a bass violin as preacher.  Now that she’s in love, one of the Queen’s violin strings breaks, presumably as a sign that she’s no longer so tightly strung.  The islands are now physically united by the “Bridge of Harmony,” and musically united by the playing of another Wagner theme, the Wedding March from “Lohengrin,” in a jazz arrangement.

    Like Cars, Musicland has a love story at its center, although Musicland‘s is presented more like a parody of operetta-style romance, rather than evoking strong emotions in the audience.

    The main parallel between Cars and Musicland is that each impresses the viewer with how much thought and imagination went into designing its alternate universe. Perhaps Musicland is even more remarkable, in that Walt Disney and company obviously put so much effort into the elaborate visual design for what was only an animated short subject.

    Another important parallel with Cars is that Musicland shows the old (classical music) and the new (jazz) learning to accept each other and forge a union, just like Pixar’s Woody and Buzz becoming best friends.

    Back in 1935, jazz represented the cutting edge of popular music:  an African-American form of music that was being popularized among the white majority by musicians such as the aptly named Whiteman.  But with time, the best of popular culture, whether in music or in animation, becomes part of the accepted cultural canon.  Now “Jazz at Lincoln Center” has become part of New York’s Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts, alongside the Film Society and such “high art” institutions as the Metropolitan Opera, the New York Philharmonic, and The New York City Ballet. 

    Hence, today Musicland can’t have the same impact on audiences that it had back in 1935.  If Musicland were to be remade today (And why not?  Musical instruments would lend themselves to computer animation.), what two forms of music would be used instead?  Classical and rock? Classical and hiphop?  And what would a hiphop version of Wagner’s Wedding March sound like?

    Then I realized that the pairing might well end up being rock and hiphop, which represent a generational shift in musical tastes from the Baby Boomers to today’s youth.  The use of classical music in Musicland (and, for that matter, Fantasia), suggests the more prominent role that it played in American culture back then than it does now.  Back then Leopold Stokowski and opera singers such as Lauritz Melchior and Rise Stevens appeared in Hollywood movies;  Arturo Toscanini conducted the NBC Symphony from the same Rockefeller Center studio now used by Saturday Night Live.  It’s hard to imagine comparable classical artists playing similar roles in movies and commercial network broadcasts today.

    cic-20060707-03.jpgThe next cartoon on the bill was Funny Little Bunnies (1934), which isn’t a minor masterpiece like Musicland, but isn’t as infantile as its title suggests, either.  This time the Disney studio imagined an entire community of rabbits who work in a sort of factory outdoors (in an Impressionist-like forest) where they prepare the eggs and chocolates for children’s Easter baskets.  It’s as if there were not one Easter Bunny, but many, acting as a counterpart to Santa’s elves.   Like Mickey’s band in The Band Concert (see “Comics in Context” #109), the Easter egg “factory” could even be an analogue to Disney’s own animation studio, which also creates artistic products for children. 

    Once again there are various clever touches.  Most of the rabbits wear clothes, but some bunnies pose as “nude models” for other bunnies who are busily sculpting chocolates into rabbit shapes.  In yet another variation of conductor imagery, a chicken “conducts” her fellow hens in laying eggs in unison.  The bunnies paint the eggs with different patterns, which, oddly, are ready-made in the can:  there is spotted paint, and striped paint, and checkerboard paint.  The rabbit who uses “Scotch” paint wears a kilt, of course.

    When you watch films from over seventy years ago, you should expect that every so often you will find disconcerting evidence of how the culture has changed over time:  in this short there are bunnies in blackface working on chocolate.

    cic-20060707-04.jpgIn the next cartoon, The Cookie Carnival (1935), the Disney studio again created a civilization in which the inanimate become animate.  Just as Cars begins with an auto race held in a stadium packed with thousands of sentient cars, The Cookie Carnival opens with a marching band of cookies leading a parade straight towards the “camera,” set in “Cookietown.”  (This anticipates the parades that are a daily feature at the Disney theme parks.)

    The Disney studio could give the cookies shapes that were more human than the Musicland cast, and considerably more so than Cars‘ title characters.  The cookie parade celebrates a beauty contest of sorts, whose winner is to be crowned Cookie Queen. So, following the marching band, there are a series of floats featuring the humanoid cookie contestants, “Beauties on Parade”:  there’s Miss Peppermint, atop a cake;  Miss Cocoanut (an Eskimo, accompanied by penguins, as if Disney had its poles mixed up); Miss Banana Cake;  Miss Strawberry Blonde;  and, surprisingly, Miss Licorice (a black girl).

    Cookie motifs do not dominate The Cookie Carnival as completely as musically themed visual motifs did Musicland, but there are some clever ones:  a pretzel serves as a bicycle, and a dog biscuit acts like an actual barking dog.  Later lollipops project colored spotlights.  A Gingerbread Man is what Depression-era Americans would call a hobo, and what today we would term a homeless man, and he carries his knapsack on the end of a candy cane.

    Foreshadowing a later Disney feature, The Cookie Carnival is an interesting variation on the Cinderella story.  The Gingerbread Man encounters an impoverished girl cookie who is crying because she wants to be in the parade but hasn’t any “pretty clothes.”  The Gingerbread Man declares that she will be the Cookie Queen. As if he were her Fairy Godfather, using ingenuity instead of magic (or maybe her version of Henry Higgins), he proceeds to create a fancy costume for her out of the materials to hand.  For example, he molds cookie dough into a wig, and turns a candy wrapper into a skirt.  The girl sees the result of her transformation by looking into a shiny lollipop, which shows her reflection like a mirror: she is “the sweetest one of all” (a phrase that refers to a cookie’s taste as well as her looks and personality).

    Thus metamorphosed, the girl cookie enters the competition, whereupon the judges declare her to be “A pip! A peach! A wow!”  She ascends to the top of a wedding cake, where she is crowned Cookie Queen.

    A wedding is the classic ending of a comedy, but obviously, something is missing from the top of the wedding cake.  The Judges tell the Cookie Queen that she must have a King, and tell her she can pick anyone she chooses.

    So another competition begins, with various male singing cookies bidding for the Cookie Queen’s favor. 

    There are “old-fashioned cookies,” dressed in 1890s costumes.  In 1935, that was not so very long ago.  It would be comparable to the 1960s from today’s vantage point!

    Two Angel Food cakes wear halos and long gowns and come off as effeminate. Now there’s something one doesn’t expect to find in a Disney cartoon, but the unmistakably gay Reluctant Dragon will star in his own Disney feature only six years later. 

    Next come Devil Food Cakes, scat-singing, obviously meant to be black people.  They’re described as “nice and naughty.”  Keep in mind that Disney theatrical cartoons were made for audiences of both children and adults.  That “nice and naughty” phrase would sail over the kids’ heads, but adults might pick up a sexual subtext there.  If you think I’m overreading the meaning of that phrase, just wait till we get to two later cartoons in the Lincoln Center program, each of which has – ahem! -  the word “cock” in its title.  

    Guards try to stop the Gingerbread Man when he shows up.  But, of course, he is the one that the Cookie Queen chooses to be her king.  In Joseph Campbell’s “hero’s journey,” this is the scene of the recognition of the hero, who is rewarded for his kindness to the heroine.  What interests me most about this turn of the plot is that it is Cinderella with a sex change.  Now the heroine saves the hero, plucking him out of poverty and obscurity and elevating him to the roles of both husband and king.  This could even be seen as an improvement on the standard Cinderella story:  in this version the hero and heroine help each other equally.  Thus The Cookie Carnival ends with what Campbell called the “sacred marriage,” as the newly crowned Cookie King and Cookie Queen kiss, applauded by the entire community. The Gingerbread Man and the cookie girl are lonely outsiders no more.

    After the 1930s and Fantasia in 1940, the Disney studio continued to do “Silly Symphony”-style musical material as segments of feature films, such as Make Mine Music, which were not full-length stories, like Bambi or Cinderella, but were effectively anthologies of short subjects. 

    This is why the Lincoln Center program was titled “‘Sillies’ and other Symphonies”: along with the “Silly Symphony” shorts, curator Greg Ford included some of these musical segments, in which the Disney studio continued to experiment with the medium of animation.

    cic-20060707-05.jpgFirst up was a segment from The Three Caballeros (1945).  Asked by the federal government to foster awareness of the United States’s allies to the South, Disney produced both this film and Saludos Amigos (1943), both of which consist of loosely connected vignettes about Latin America.  These films also seem to have taken advantage of a growing popular interest in Latin music in 1940s America (hence the Hollywood career of Carmen Miranda, whose sister turns up in Caballeros).  

    Demonstrating that he has already surpassed Mickey Mouse in popularity by this point, Donald Duck is the star of Three Caballeros who represents the United States.  The second Caballero is Jose Carioca, the Brazilian parrot who acts as Donald’s guide to South America.  The dapper, well-spoken Jose projects a sense of cool that contrasts sharply with Donald’s raucous persona:  Donald seems very much the naive, unsophisticated American tourist.  The third Caballero, who debuts in this film, is Panchito, the Mexican rooster, who compares quite favorably to the Mexican stereotypes in so many theatrical animated cartoons, who seem to be permanently on siesta.  Panchito, on the other hand, is hyperactive, as we shall see.

    When I was a child, a shortened version of Three Caballeros would regularly turn up on the weekly Wonderful World of Disney, and even then I realized that Caballeros was much stranger than any other Disney animation.  For some reason, the Disney animators made Caballeros their vehicle for delving into pop surrealism, as in a musical segment in which a dancing (live action) woman in silhouette transforms (via animation) into a silhouetted cactus.

    The Film Society showed a different part of the film, which set me wondering whether there are effects that hand-drawn “2D” animation can achieve that “3D” computer animation cannot.

    The least celebrated sequence in Fantasia is the one with the sentient sound track, which ventures onscreen at narrator Deems Taylor’s invitation, and morphs into various abstract shapes and designs  representing different musical sounds.  

    The visual sound track returns in this segment of Caballeros, taking a guitar-like shape.  Jose and Donald dance around the pulsing sound track, casting semi-abstract shadows of pure colors, as if the characters’ movements have become part of the music.  Then Donald somehow merges with the onscreen soundtrack.  As the music continues to play, Donald’s recognizable form distorts in ways meant to visualize the sounds.  Described in print, this may just seem weird, but in the Film Society theater, the audience burst into laughter at Donald’s surreal contortions to the music.

    Afterwards I wondered if this gag could work in a computer-animated film.  Except for “3-D” movies watched through special glasses, film images exist in only two dimensions.  However, when we see a person onscreen (or in a still photograph), we understand that this is an image of a real human being who exists in three-dimensional reality.  This carries over to animated characters like Donald Duck:  he actually “exists” only in two-dimensions, but we interpret his image as that of a duck who exists in three dimensional reality.  After all, Donald is drawn to look as if he has three-dimensional volume, as well as height and length:  he doesn’t vanish when he turns to his side.

    But we automatically accept elements of movies such as titles, credits, and subtitles as two-dimensional:  these letters have height and length but no volume.  The animated sound tracks in Fantasia and Caballeros likewise look “flat” and two-dimensional.

    cic-20060707-06.jpgYet then Donald, the supposedly three-dimensional duck, merges seamlessly with the “flat” soundtrack, reminding us (if we bother to think about it after laughing) that Donald, being a cartoon character, is just as “flat” an image as the soundtrack clearly is.  After all, they are both drawings.

    On the other hand, though computer-animated characters (except in literal 3-D films like the 3-D version of Chicken Little) are also flat images on a movie screen, computer animation creates a more persuasive illusion of depth and volume than hand-drawn animation does.  A CGI version of Donald couldn’t seamlessly merge with an obviously “flat” soundtrack:  if they merged, it would look as if Donald had suddenly been flattened by a steamroller.   

    Nowadays we might term Caballeros a “meta-cartoon” (not unlike Chuck Jones’s renowned Duck Amuck), or postmodernist.  Most animated films encourage us to suspend our disbelief and pretend that the animated creatures onscreen are real.  In contrast, Caballeros keeps rubbing out collective noses in the artificiality of animation.  In part it does so through juxtaposing the animated Donald with live action humans.  The sequence with the onscreen soundtrack is another of Caballeros‘ “meta” tricks. Caballeros also openly exults in its own artificiality by heightening the unreality of conventional cartoon gags.   We see this in the late Ward Kimball’s celebrated animation for the performance of The Three Caballeros‘ title song, in which he seems bent on outdoing even Tex Avery at his wildest.

    Donald’s purgatory as a living sound track comes to an abrupt end with an explosion and the entrance of Panchito, firing his pistols and bidding Jose and Donald (restored to normalcy), “Welcome to Mexico!”  Moments later, Panchito launches into singing the title song, with Donald and Jose acting as backup dancers, moving in rhythm, as all three stand in a spotlight.

    A spotlight?  Just where are they supposed to be?  Panchito said they were in Mexico (but how did they get there?).  The spotlight suggests that they are on stage, but there is no real background.  The “stage” is really the screen.  The “story” of the movie, such as it is, has come to a halt, and the Three Caballeros are performing directly to the audience, breaking the fourth wall.

    As the song proceeds, the laws of reality are bent way out of shape.  At one point Panchito’s gun momentarily comes to life and sings a line. The images in the lyrics get their visual equivalents.  When Panchito sings about rain, lightning flashes (but weren’t they inside?), and rain pours down, filling the rim of Panchito’s sombrero.

    The song culminates with Panchito holding a high note interminably, thanks to Disney’s audio technicians, as Donald and Jose race about, frenetically trying to stop him.  They briefly trap Panchito in a coffin (some unexpected morbidity in a Disney cartoon);  they saw a circle around him in the floor, whereupon, according to the laws of cartoon physics, the floor falls away and Panchito remains, unaffected by gravity;  they plant a hedge around him, which within a fraction of a second grows taller than he is, and then burns away within another split second.  A gag like the one with the saw is standard fare in a “Bugs Bunny” cartoon.  It is the relentless, rapid fire pacing of this barrage of gags, all occurring while Panchito is holding the song’s final note, that makes this sequence extraordinary.  It revels in its own absurdity;  just where are Jose and Donald getting all these props?

    So enthralled was the Lincoln Center audience that when the Caballeros’ song abruptly ended (it was only an excerpt of the film, after all), they went “awwwwwwww” in disappointment before breaking into applause at Kimball’s virtuosity.

    cic-20060707-07.jpgNow the program returned to “Silly Symphonies” and the 1930s, with Cock o’the Walk (1935), which, as the title indicates, is about chickens and sex. 

    Like The Cookie Carnival it starts with a parade, but this time the non-human community consists of farm animals:  mostly chickens, but also ducks, peacocks, and even caterpillars.

    Atop a float covered with awards is the “Champion,” a rooster from the city who appears to be a champion boxer.  But he’s really being celebrated for his sexual power:  he is a big city alpha male.  Hens flock from their homes to see him in the parade, as if they wanted to form a harem for him.

    Next we meet our hero and heroine: a country rooster, dressed like a stereotypical country bumpkin, and his girlfriend, a hen in a bonnet, who looks like a young version of Miss Prissy from Warners’ later Foghorn Leghorn cartoons.  The country rooster presents the shy hen with corn, as if it were a bouquet of roses.  We observe that when this country rooster feels sexual attraction, he moves quickly and excitedly and crows. 

    However, the hen sees the Champ practicing his boxing and is fascinated by this display of macho prowess. The Champ takes a fancy to her and invites her into the ring, where they proceed to dance.  It has been observed that in 1930s musicals, dancing becomes a metaphor for sex, and that’s clearly what the Champ and hen have in mind here.

    The Disney studio turns the dance into a big production number that seems to envelop this entire barnyard world. A scene of hens strutting down stairs unmistakably parodies the Busby Berkeley dance spectacles of the period.  Ducks swim in rotating circles; unhatched eggs sprout legs that tap dance.  Foreshadowing the later short, Woodland Café, caterpillars shimmy, and a chick with obvious predatory intentions dances with another caterpillar.  Perhaps that latter dance serves as a hint about the Champ’s attitude towards the heroine.

    The country rooster sees his girlfriend dancing with the Champ, and gets angry.  The two roosters start fighting, using their sharp beaks like (phallic?) swords.  Then the Champ steps on the country rooster’s foot, pinning him in place, and starts beating him as if he were a punching bag:  not only is the country rooster defeated, but he’s been reduced to the level of an inanimate object. The country rooster flees, and the fickle heroine applauds the victor.

    But then she sees a photo of the Champ with his wife and many children.  She finds the country rooster, lying beaten and unconscious.  In a role reversal version of Sleeping Beauty, she kisses the country rooster, awakening, and figuratively resurrecting him. 

    And that’s not all her kiss did for him.  He turns red, crows ecstatically, and turns into a whirling dervish.  The conventional assumptions about Disney films once again prove to be wrong:  the country rooster has clearly been sexually aroused.  Full of energy, he beats up the Champ.

    Then the country rooster and the heroine hen begin dancing, much more energetically than she did with the Champ.  If dance is a metaphor fir sex, the country rooster is proving to be the better lover.

    They kiss passionately, and the country rooster crows, then coughs (His transition from the Clark Kent of chickens to SuperRooster isn’t completely smooth), and then crows again, and better than before:  the hen heroine looks delighted at his sexual display.

    The Hollywood Production Code was in full force by now, but Cock o’the Walk provides a textbook example of how to get sexual subtext past it.  And in an animated cartoon for family audiences!  And in the 1940s Tex Avery would go even further in his MGM Cartoons (see “Comics in Context” #100).

    cic-20060707-08.jpgThe next cartoon, Who Killed Cock Robin (1935), features a society comprised entirely of birds. This short uses the familiar nursery rhyme for building a musical satirizing the legal system.  The jury sings, “We don’t know who is guilty so/We’re going to hang ’em all.” One might compare this to the trial scenes in the Marx Brothers’ Duck Soup (1933) or the Gershwins’ Of Thee I Sing (1931), but I suspect that the ultimate source is the Gilbert and Sullivan canon of comic operettas, specifically Trial by Jury.  Like Musicland, Cock Robin shows how much American culture has changed.  How familiar are today’s audiences with the Gilbert and Sullivan style?

    Another marker of cultural change is a blackbird who is a sleepy-eyed caricature of an African-American.  The Keystone Kop-like police and the courtroom guards hit the blackbird. I’d like to think that the Disney studio meant to mock the guards’ and cops’ racism and win audience sympathy for the blackbird.  But maybe they just thought that hitting blackbirds – or black people – was funny.

    By the mid-1930s the Disney Studio was a successful part of the Hollywood community, and it was caricaturing movie stars in its cartoons. So Cock Robin sings like Bing Crosby, but in personality he comes off as a male ingenue;  Crosby hadn’t yet developed the laid back master of cool persona that later Crosby caricatures in cartoons mimic.  A cuckoo resembles Harpo Marx. The leading lady is named Miss Jenny Wren, which may be a reference to the 19th century singer Jenny Lind, the “Swedish Nightingale.”  However, she is drawn as an avian caricature of Mae West, whose movies were hardly family fare. She sounds like West, too:  her sultry command, “Fascinate me!”, got a big laugh from the Lincoln Center audience.

    In the cartoon’s final moments, the bird who shot Cock Robin with his bow and arrow turns out to be Dan Cupid, depicted not only as a bird but as yet another caricatured gay.  Cupid’s presence sets up the romantic ending.  He reveals to the court that Cock Robin isn’t dead. Then, just as in Cock o’the Walk, there is a role reversal Sleeping Beauty scene, in which Jenny revives, resurrects and, presumably, sexually arouses Cock Robin by kissing him.  The cartoon ends with Jenny, in her Mae West voice, uttering an orgasmic “Ohhhh,” giving yet more proof of how different Disney cartoons were back in the 1930s.  

    cic-20060707-09.jpgOne of the forerunners of Pixar and Lasseter’s A Bug’s Life (1998)  is the Disney masterpiece Woodland Café (1937).  Here is another one of Ford’s “self-enclosed communities of cartoon beings,” this one consisting entirely of insects and other “bugs,” such as a spider. 

    The cartoon is set at the Woodland Café, which seems to be an all-bug version of the real life Cotton Club.  The band consists of brown grasshoppers, one of whom even sings that they’re “here in Harlem.”  Despite the grasshoppers’ thick lips, they seem acceptable caricatures of African-Americans by contemporary standards.  They’re not lazy or childlike:  they are accomplished musicians, whose vigorous performance drives the film.  Like the Fleischer studio, the Disney studio clearly appreciated African-American music of that period.  (R. Crumb fans will be pleased to hear the lead grasshopper announce, “Everybody’s truckin’!”)

    Apart from the rhythmic patter of the band leader (perhaps meant to be Cab Calloway?), there is no dialogue in Woodland Café.  But there is continual music, which the characters’ movements usually match.  Even in the opening scene, customers arriving at the cafe are walking in rhythm. 

    The cartoon concisely introduces a wide array of characters, such as a dancing pair of melancholy snails, whose presence slows down the otherwise bouncy score as long as they are onscreen.  Making recurring appearances are a large, elderly bee and his smaller, peppier trophy girlfriend: she dances up a storm atop a table but he ends up being carried out on a stretcher – yet still happy with his night out. 

    The centerpiece of the cartoon is presented as a show within a show, complete with a theatrical curtain raised at the beginning.  This sequence was showcased in the Whitney Museum of American Art’s landmark exhibition of Disney animation art (also curated by Ford), which is where I first saw it. It’s a parody of an “Apache dance,” associated with French cabarets of the period, and here performed by a large male spider and a small female fly.

    The casting itself satirizes the sexist ethos of an actual apache dance, in which a dominant male roughly treats his female partner. In this case the spider repeatedly chased the fly through his web, and at one point bounces her up and down as if she were a basketball.

    The fly’s character design is reminiscent of Minnie Mouse, but also Betty Boop: she has a sultry walk, and invites the spider’s attention with a come-hither shake of her shoulder (all in time to the music).  However, the fly comes across as something of a proto-feminist heroine. She answers the spider’s initial predatory advances with a slap in his face, causing his head to spin around.  Even when he seizes her by her antennae and holds her aloft, she somehow forces him to back away through simply glowering at him. Ultimately the spider is tangled in his own web.  The fly snaps her fingers at him in contempt, poses under an overhead light in relaxed triumph, smokes a cigarette (!), and blows out the light, whereupon the curtain closes over her silhouette.  She’s a film noir heroine who arrived onscreen several years before her human counterparts would.

    It is then that the grasshopper band leader first speaks/sings, launching the infectiously energetic concluding dance number, as the director cuts repeatedly between the bugs jitterbugging on the dance floor and the musicians vigorously playing their instruments.  The montage builds climactically to a crashing cymbal, and the Lincoln Center audience erupted into loud applause.

    cic-20060707-10.jpgThe program again jumped ahead a decade to A Jazz Interlude Featuring Benny Goodman & Orchestra:  All the Cats Join In, subtitled, “A cariCature,” a sequence directed by Jack Kinney from the Disney feature Make Mine Music (1946). 

    Here’s another instance of a sequence that hand-drawn animation can do, but seems unsuited to computer animation.  First we see a sketchbook, which is pushed open by a pencil, held by an unseen hand, presumably that of the animator.  The pencil then draws a cat, which, in typically feline manner, watches itself being drawn, until it is erased.  The pencil then redraws the cat as a teenage boy (a “cat” in 1940s slang).  The background is completely blank.  The boy decides to call his girlfriend.  (There is no dialogue:  the soundtrack consists of Goodman’s big band music, and, eventually, a song).

    The pencil draws a wire leading to a phone, and then it draws a bobbysoxer girl, who answers the phone.  As you see, props, scenery, and even cast members appear onscreen only when needed.  The pencil draws a staircase, so the girl can leave her room;  the pencil then draws a railing, which her kid sister slides down.  Then the pencil draws a car, and the two girls get in, and pick up their friends at various houses, which are no more than unrealistic stick figures.  The pencil draws a malt shop, the “cats” go in, and the pencil draws stools for them just as they sit down. The pencil even draws a new girl with a large behind, and then, the animator reconsidering, erases part of her derriere, evoking laughter from the Film Society audience.

    Just what would be the equivalent in CGI?  The filmmakers have gotten the audience to simultaneously think of these teenagers as real characters in a malt shop, and as drawings being created before their eyes by offscreen animators!  It’s amazing to me that the Disney studio was confident that the audience would accept this “metacartoon” approach.  This sort of sophisticated experimentation seems to foreshadow the stylized U. P. A. cartoons of the 1950s.

    All the Cats Join In is intriguing in other ways, too.  Consider that Disney was able to get Goodman, one of the biggest names in 1940s popular music, to contribute the score.  Yes, nowadays Disney gets Elton John and Phil Collins to write scores for animated features, but long after they were at the top of the charts.  In the 1940s Disney, still a young studio, was embracing and celebrating current trends in popular music and dance. 

    The sexuality in the sequence is remarkable, too.  There’s the shapeliness of the girls and the fiery energy of the dancing.  Early on, the sequence even teases the audience, having the lead girl get undressed behind a shower door, but getting hold of a towel in the split second before she emerges.  As in Woodland Café, the dancing builds in energy, until it finally ends in a climactic burst (with sexual subtext?), in this case with a juke box literally exploding into musical notes.

    Yet at the same time All the Cats Join In seems so innocent.  These teenagers are at a malt shop, after all, having ice cream sundaes!  At one point the “cats” throw out a boy who shows up in a dated 1920s outfit, complete with ukulele, for the sin of uncoolness.  Now the “cats’” clothes look dated, yet the characters still feel vividly alive.

    cic-20060707-11.jpgThe program then went back in time to the decidedly unhip Wynken, Blynken & Nod (1938), based on a children’s poem about three children sailing in a giant shoe through a dreamworld.  The kids try to catch fish, which appear as glowing stars.  Space is visualized as waterlike, and the moon is shown, as if in soft focus. An enormous cloud with a human face blows at the shoe/ship, and eventually the children tumble from their ship.

    Were the filmmakers paying homage to pioneering cartoonist and animator Winsor McCay, whose Little Nemo’s beautiful dreams usually turn to nightmares?  It’s not a surprise that at the cartoon’s end the giant shoe turns into a bed,  but I was amazed that the three children merge into a single dreamer.  What could this mean?  That a solitary child’s imaginary friends are versions of himself?

    cic-20060707-12.jpgThen the program swerved back to Disney’s pop surrealism of the 1940s, with Bumble Boogie, directed by Jack Kinney for the feature Melody Time (1948), and set to a “boogie” arrangement of Rimsky-Korsakov’s “Flight of the Bumblebee” that spotlights the piano.   An animated brush creates the protagonist, a bumblebee, before our eyes.  Again here’s the duality:  the bee is presented to us both as a character and as a drawing. This prepares us for the wild transformations to come, as piano keys turn into flowers, and horns, and butterflies, and menace the hapless bee, all to the racing rhythm of the music, winning a big round of applause from the audience. 

    The Lincoln Center program concluded by moving decades ahead to the Rhapsody in Blue sequence, directed by Eric Goldberg, from Fantasia 2000, which I had originally seen at its New York City premiere in Carnegie Hall.   Set to George Gershwin’s music, the sequence is drawn in the style of the theatrical caricaturist Al Hirschfeld (and even quotes onscreen Hirschfeld’s celebrated caricature of Gershwin).  Both men are closely associated with New York City, and the sequence is set in Manhattan during the Great Depression, the same period in which Walt Disney was making his “Silly Symphonies.” 

    Unlike most of the Pixar and Disney animated films discussed in this week’s column, this animated Rhapsody in Blue has a cast of human beings.  But it resembles them in other ways.

    For one thing, the single note sounded by a clarinet that begins Gershwin’s “Rhapsody” is visually echoed by a single line on screen, which soon becomes the outline of Manhattan skyscrapers, and then fills in the outlines of the buildings, creating a stylized but recognizable setting.   It’s like the pencil in All the Cats Join In and the brush in Bumble Boogie:  an onscreen acknowledgment that what we see onscreen is both a representation of reality and the creation of offscreen artists.

    The animated Rhapsody has no dialogue whatsoever:  like some of the cartoons mentioned earlier, it relies on visual means and the moods conveyed by the music to tell its story.

    The segment swiftly introduces us to a variety of characters, representing a cross-section of New York.  First is a young African-American man who is a percussionist looking for his big break, but is making his living as a construction worker.  Considering the black stereotypes in early Disney cartoons, and the rarity of black characters in later Disney animated films, this character’s appearance is particularly noteworthy. 

    There’s also an unemployed man, a victim of the Depression, who looks fairly desperate, and contemplates stealing an apple but is deterred by the nearby presence of a cop. (Having had my own employment worries, I found myself sympathizing with him.) 

    The financially well off have their own problems.  A little rich girl has problems that perhaps relate more to those of today’s children.  The girl’s every moment seems programmed with after-school activities, as her severe tutor drags her from ballet class to a singing coach to swimming lessons to still more. 

    A bespectacled, cherubic middle-aged man has similar problems:  dominated by his wife, he tries whenever he can to express the free spirited, childlike side of his personality.  Encountering an organ grinder, he even playfully imitates his monkey.

    cic-20060707-13.jpgBeyond these four principals, the segment shows us many, many more city residents in passing.  We glimpse individuals briefly, such as a milkman and his horse, making their early morning rounds, and a tired, bored waitress.  To the rapid, bustling rhythms of Gershwin’s music, large numbers of people burst out from a hotel (named “The Goldberg”) or rush in and out of a subway station.  The drummer rushes to work; the little girl is taken from lesson to lesson; the wife drags her reluctant husband along.  Amidst the crowds and tumultuous movement of the big city, all four principal characters find themselves ironically isolated and unfulfilled.

    As the music becomes slow and romantic and even wistfully melancholy, we find that all four of the principals are dreamers.  The sad little girl imagines herself skating with her parents (whom, it seems, she sees too seldom) at the Rockefeller Center rink. The unemployed man skates too, envisioning a dollar sign.  The middle-aged husband visualizes himself skating up into the sky, flying among the birds.  The construction worker imagines himself playing drums in a spotlight.

    This segment of Fantasia 2000 is a contemporary reworking of the romantic image of New York City:  as a magical metropolis filled with opportunities, where dreams can come true. By sheer chance the unemployed man passes the construction site, is dragged in and given a job.  The little girl runs out onto the street after her ball and is nearly hit by cars, but is saved by her formerly absent parents, as the tutor faints away in symbolic death.  The drummer gets his chance at “Talent night” at a club in Harlem (perhaps meant to be the Cotton Club, the inspiration for Woodland Café?), where the husband turns up, freed from his wife, and finally able to enjoy himself.  As the Rhapsody moves into its final measures, the film cuts between the formerly unemployed man, ecstatic in his newfound job; the little girl reunited with her idealized parents; the drummer finally fulfilling his artistic ambitions; and the husband dancing with a more appealing female partner; before ending with a final shot of Times Square aglitter at night and the final, triumphal notes.   Earlier in the program, we had seen communities of musical instruments, insects, and cookies, among others.  this is a celebration of the community of New Yorkers, and the Lincoln Center audience erupted into applause.

    I liked the animated Rhapsody in Blue when I first saw it, but it impressed me still further when I saw it at Lincoln Center.  In part that may be because, after the September 11, 2001 attacks, this sequence becomes emotionally moving as a celebration of New York City. 

    It’s also because, in the context of Greg Ford’s program, it becomes clear that Goldberg’s Rhapsody fits solidly into long, honorable traditions of Disney animation:  in its use of music, in its depiction of community, and in its visual experimentation.  It shows that that tradition is still viable and still alive.

    Writing about the “‘Sillies’ and Other Symphonies” shortly after seeing Cars similarly makes me aware of how much the Pixar films carry on the classic Disney tradition, more than Disney’s own animation division was in recent years.  

    “I’ve always loved animating inanimate objects,” John Lasseter said in Fortune (May 17, 2006).  Twenty years ago he completed Pixar’s first computer animated short, Luxo, Jr., starring the bouncing lamp that has no anthropomorphic features whatsoever.  Yet it conveyed its personality to audiences, and continues to serve as part of Pixar’s logo on its films to this day.  With Cars Pixar and Lasseter finally bring us a feature film with an entire community of “inanimate” objects.  This is part of their tradition, and Disney’s, and Cars proves it to be still vital, as I shall discuss further in a forthcoming installment
    of this column. 

    Copyright 2006 Peter Sanderson
     

  • Noctural Admissions: Reflection, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

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    Mr. Smith boxAs I do every July 4th, I spent part of the afternoon, 129 minutes to be exact, watching Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. It strikes me as the perfect patriotic note to strike. And it includes the whole scale in its confrontation of back home idealism with big city cynicism. You can believe in Mr. Smith while laughing along with the wised up reporters and political operatives who use or observe him. Director Frank Capra pushes the buttons so well that I never fail to cry,especially at the parts that are the most treacly, such as when Smith first visits the Lincoln Memorial and watches a little kid read the Gerrysburg Address as an elderly African-American (old enough to remember the Civil War?) comes up and takes off his hat.

    Every year I forget how perfectly Capra and his associates cast Mr. Smith. From Jack Carson on up, each role, no matter how big or small, is vivid and engaging. Claude Raines moves like a dancer. Jean Arthur’s voice is entrancing and has a wider range than I recall. And Edward Arnold, as the Penderast-style boss of the political machine, may have been the best actor in Hollywood, ever.

    Mr. Smith

    This time I read the script, credited to Sidney Buchman, after seeing the film, and was struck by how much was cut out of the (already long) movie. The script doesn’t appear to be on line anywhere but is available in a cleaned up reader’s version in the book 20 Best Film Plays, edited by John Gassner and Dudley Nichols. There are at least three major sequences deleted from the film and lots of little bits of the script are excised (as an example, look at the scene where Susan Paine calls up Saunders, very obviously edited down in the finished version). I get the impression that screenwriters wrote fuller texts back in the old days, and that in the editing room the films were trimmed down dramatically, the editors cognizant that the viewer could accept shorthand and make leaps. Riskin’s script to It Happened One Night kicks off the book and it actually reads better than it plays. Anyway, the script’s first introduction of Smith is elided, and at the end there is a whole sequence that takes place back in Jackson City, where Smith is feted and he introduces Saunders to his “¦ pets. It’s a fuller text and makes me as misty eyed as the finished version does.

    At the end of the 4th this year I had occasion to see the wealth of fireworks that were going off around the city (and they are illegal in this town). Wealth in both senses. There must have been hundreds of thousands of dollars going up in smoke that night. It was like Bagdad on a bad night. I love fireworks (invented by the Chinese) and they are fun to watch and hear but in the caustic circumstances of a typical 4th they lose connection with the holiday they announce loudly, one that established the birth of a nation and a flag that survived, as the song says, the rocket’s red glare. In a time of trouble the bread and circuses are attended for their own sake. Next year take a tip from me and start the day with a shameless reminder of what the 4th stands for and revel in the exquisite beauty of Buchman and Capra’s Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.

     

  • International Intrigue: Best Foreign Films of the 90s, Part II – You Choose

     

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    So two weeks ago I posted my Ten Best Foreign Films of the 90s. And then I asked you all to tell me what I was missing. And here is what you came up with, you clever folks: 

    The Top 5 Foreign Films of the 90s (That Didn’t Make My List)

    1. DELICATESSEN
    Not to sound condescending, but I’m so proud of y’all for choosing this over CITY OF LOST CHILDREN. Many of you noted that DELICATESSEN had a greater impact which I believe. It was the world’s first exposure to Jeunet and his co-director Caro, and it was a bit of kick in the pants. This film is still the most out there and visceral of their oeuvre. It centers around a butcher, who is also the landlord of the building over his shop. His tenants are far from normal in a post-apocalyptic world where food is scarce. As you may imagine, the landlord has some creative ways for taking care of his tenant’s needs as the new janitor Louison (Dominique Pinon) is about to find out. This is a pleasantly disturbing film and one you’ll certainly remember.

    2. TRAINSPOTTING
    This film was on my original list until I realized I had 11 films and had to get rid of one. I dropped this one because it was a lot more well known than the other films on my list. Well, you guys weren’t having none of it. And rightly so. TRAINSPOTTING was huge upon it’s arrival here and is well-loved. If you haven’t seen it, you should. Although beware some disturbing imagery and ‘potty’ humor. The film, directed by Danny Boyle and based on Irvine Welsh’s novel, is about Renton (Ewan McGregor) and his group of drug addicted cronies — their lives, their ‘loves’, their addictions, their somewhat disturbing hallucinations (ew that baby), and an attempted large money illegal operation. If your wondering why that plot description is a bit lacking, watch the film and you try to summarize it — not easy is it? One of the things that’s so good about it is that you can’t entirely explain what’s so good about it. Just enjoy.

    3. CHUNGKING EXPRESS
    Wong Kar Wai’s international smash and the film that really introduced this innovative filmmaker to the world. The reason I didn’t include it on my original list is that I like some of WKW’s less touted 90s films better (his genre work like AS TEARS GO BY and ASHES OF TIME), but certainly a lot of people have love for this languid slice of life tale. It is essentially two stories of loneliness. One of Cop 223 (Takeshi Kaneshiro) a recently single fellow, whose story culminates in a mysterious meeting with a woman in a blonde wig (Bridgitte Lin). And Cop 663 (Tony Leung), also recently single, who doesn’t quite realize how big a crush the girl at the food stand (Faye Wong) has on him. Christopher Doyle’s cinematography is always worth the price of admission but the honest performances and simple but sympathetic storylines have turned many a viewer into a certified WKW groupie. And if you find yourself so enchanted then check out the loose prequel DAYS OF BEING WILD and loose sequel FALLEN ANGELS.

    4. LA HAINE (HATE)
    Mathieu Kassovitz’s black and white politically charged masterpiece is often compared to Spike Lee’s DO THE RIGHT THING. The French feature focuses on Vinz, a Jewish character played by Vincent Cassel, and his Arab friend Said and Black friend Hubert. They are all outsiders and the film represents their struggle against the rascist French police. The film was quite big in France and internationally upon it’s release. But the recent riots in France helped thrust this film back into the spotlight and people have been talking about it quite a lot lately. An emotionally charged viewing experience that any viewer will certainly remember.

    5. FESTEN (THE CELEBRATION)
    Thomas Vinterberg is not the most well known director to come out of the dogme movement, but this film, the first film that followed the minimalist manifesto, is the most ‘celebrated’ (excuse the pun) of the bunch. An exercise of how much you can do with with a little, the film centers around a 60th birthday party for the family patriarch Helge (Henning Moritzen) when a horrific accusation ruins the festivities and underlies all the relationships in the room. There is a lot of talking heads in this exercise of restraint but it still manages to be largely affecting and introspective.

    Most Interesting Suggestions
    Some people actually managed to suggest things I hadn’t seen. And these were the most fascinating….

    EL DIA DE LA BESTIA (THE DAY OF THE BEAST)
    This Spanish cult classic is about a priest who believes the anti-Christ will be born by Christmas. When no one believes him he’s decided to stop it all by himself, forsaking his vows and goodness in the process. And next thing you know you have anything you’ve ever wanted from a gun-totting priest and more. It’s dark, it’s funny, it’s gore-y — Miike through Almodovar’s lense. It may be a bit too weird, a bit too gross but it’s so truly unique and visionary you’ll probably keep watching. It’s hard these days to find anything that is like nothing you’ve seen before, but this film might fit the bill.

    MEDITERRANEO
    This film was pretty well received (it won an Oscar) and seen by a good amount of folks upon it’s release in 1991. But since I wasn’t watching foreign films yet in 1991, I had never heard of it and as it turns out, it is quite lovely. This Italian film is certainly of a foreign film type — a feel-good touristy romp. This film is equal parts fantasy and comedy with a beautiful setting. It takes place on an island during WW2, where a group of soldiers, being sent there, find the pluses of peace and find themselves and all that. These are some truly fuzzy lovable characters. Sometimes you just want to watch something that’ll make you smile and doesn’t bring you down and also not be stupid and this film should be the first place you look.

    MISTER FROST
    Well this would seem to be a movie that polarizes people. IMDB tells me the film is in fact from “France/UK” despite the starring presence of Jeff Goldblum. It also stars the always lovely Alan Bates and a whole host of French people. The premise is that a mass murderer (Goldblum) is sent to a mental institution where he’ll only talk to a female psychiatrist (Kathy Bates) and of course he attempts to manipulate her. As it turns out there’s a lot more to him then there seems. That’s vague but I don’t want to give away the ‘twist’ even though they reveal it to you relatively early on. Whether you enjoy this film or not depends a lot on whether you see it as a comedy or a drama and your ability to stand Goldblum at his Goldblumiest. But the film is nothing if not interesting…

    The Professional’s Opinions
    I know that I’m not the end all of foreign film criticism on the web, although I like to think I am. So here’s the opinion of some of the web’s most prominent bloggers and website maestros on the topic of the Best Foreign Film Of The 90s:

    Filmbrain: Sátántangó, Bela Tarr, Hungary (1994)
    “To select a single film from a very strong ten-year period was nearly an impossible task. Lars von Trier, Wong Kar-wai, Hou Hsiao Hsien (to name a few) released some of their finest works during the 90s, not to mention the myriad of films from newcomers such as Arnaud Desplechin and Takashi Miike. Yet of the many contenders, there is one film that rises to the surface ““ one that I’ve seen three times, which is quite a feat considering its seven-and-a-half hour length ““ Bela Tarr’s masterpiece, Sátántangó. Don’t let the running time intimidate you ““ this films grabs you from the first shot and doesn’t let go until the very end. And though a black and white portrait of a tiny village in post-Communist Hungary might not sound all that exciting, Tarr manages to create an uneasy tension that sustains itself all the way through. There are images in this film that, once seen, are not soon forgotten. But please, don’t ask about the kitten.”

    Todd from Twitch: Jeunet et Caro’s Delicatessen.
    “Again, many would point to City of Lost Children as a better film and in many ways I agree that it is, but for some reason Delicatessen just sticks with me in a way that City doesn’t. Domenique Pinon is at his best here and gives the high style of the directors its human heart. Unlike much of City, which is purely cerebral (ha, ha), the human relationships in Delicatessen actually work, which is what I think gives it the edge.”

    Thanks for all your e-mails. Even if you suggestion didn’t make the list, many of you have given me fantastic ideas for future columns. There were a lot of Australian films represented in your e-mails (although not enough votes for any one movie for it to make it on here) and that’s certainly something I’ll cover in the future. Anyway, I hope this list will keep you all busy till I demand you watch something else in two weeks time….

     

     

  • The Fred Hembeck Show: Episode 64 – Laugh Lines

     

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    Did you have a safe and happy Fourth of July, friends? Still got all the fingers you had on the THIRD of July? Here’s hoping.

    Things were pretty busy roundabouts here at Chez’ Hembeck, so, begging your indulgence, we’re dipping into the Fred Sez archives once again. This time we feature a little piece I wrote in late 2003. I hope you’ll enjoy it…

    Recently, the Bravo network ran several specials presenting what they opined to be the 100 Greatest TV Characters, EVER!

    No, I didn’t watch, as I find these sort of things to be invariably frustrating, since at their core, they’re merely an accumulation of some faceless folk’s personal prejudices, and I’d rather not get myself all in an uproar barking at my poor, innocent television screen that, hey, Lucy Ricardo should be the number one choice, not Archie Bunker (yeah, I’ll admit it: I saw a list of the list. Believe me, that was far simpler than slogging through all those hours of clips…)

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    Still, that doesn’t mean I’m not susceptible to trying a little of my own List-mania!…

    (…as opposed to Lizstomania, that awful Ken Russell flick that had The Who’s Roger Daltrey cast in the title role – with Yes’s Rick Wakeman inexplicably cameoing in a Kirby designed Thor outfit! But THAT’S another topic altogether…)

    But my list is simply MY list – and I’m certainly not going to attempt to name the Greatest, the Funniest, and most assuredly not the BEST characters ever to grace the tube. Uh uh. My focus concerns a baker’s dozen of characters who, whenever they show up on my television set, a smile immediately dances across my face, and I confess to pretty much laughing before they even DO anything! Now, these aren’t your beloved Ernie Bilkos, Rob Petries, or Frasier Cranes, all of whom possessed the force of personality to headline some of the best comedies in the medium’s more than half century history. Those comedic personas were inhabited by gifted performers who brought to life and greatly enhanced already top-notch material.

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    The list I’M compiling is made up simply of actors (all male as it turns out) who, merely by way of their look, their voice, or their attitude, meant instant chuckles when they moseyed onto the scene. Most were second bananas, most were decidedly odd, and ALL of them still manage to break me up each and every time!

    So, in no particular order, and with no additional commentary, I present you with my list of the 13 Characters Who Never Fail To Break Me Up Each And Every Time! (…okay, okay – so the title needs work. Don’t linger – just keep reading…)

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    1. Ed Norton (Art Carney, The Honeymooners)

    2. Count Floyd (Joe Flaherty, SCTV)

    3. Eddie Haskell (Ken Osmond, Leave It To Beaver)

    4. Mr. Bean (Rowan Atkinson, Mr. Bean)

    5. Sgt. Rupert Ritzik/Officer Gunther Toody (Joe E. Ross, Sgt. Bilko/ Car 54, Where Are You?)

    6. Pee Wee Herman (Paul Reubens, Pee Wee’s Playhouse and especially any and all appearances he made while strictly maintaining character guesting on various talk and variety programs)

    7. Maynard G. Krebs (Bob Denver, The Many Loves Of Dobie Gillis)

    8. Reverend Jim (Christopher Lloyd, Taxi)

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    9. Sgt. Vince Carter (Frank Sutton, Gomer Pyle, USMC)

    10. SpongeBob SquarePants (Voice of Tom Kenny, created by Steve Hillenburg, SpongeBob SquarePants)

    11. Soupy Sales (Soupy Sales, The Soupy Sales Show)

    12. Ted Baxter (Ted Knight, Mary Tyler Moore Show)

    13. Barney Fife (Don Knotts, Andy Griffith Show)

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    There you have it – a motley crew of goofballs if ever there was one. Please note that I consolidated Joe E. “Oo! Oo!” Ross’s two roles into one entry, as they were essentially the same character – both married to the same TV wife, and both working for the same producer, the legendary Nat Hiken. This was a unique circumstance, as the glory of Maynard G. Krebs did clearly not carry over for Bob Denver in his role as the just plain moronic Gilligan – and the less said about Ted Knight on Too Close For Comfort, the better!!

    Soupy Sales, I realize, isn’t quite a character unto himself, but neither is he a stand-up comic or talk show host, folks I disqualified from consideration right off the bat, but he might just as well have been. Plus, he always, ALWAYS made me laugh, so…

    Then there’s Gomer Pyle. He ALMOST made the cut, particularly when he was a supporting character on the Andy Griffith Show, but when he received his own spin-off, his personality became just a bit too candy-coated to be incessantly amusing – but the shift opened the way for the criminally under appreciated Frank Sutton to shine as the perpetually flustered Sgt. Carter. The Pyle show didn’t have the best writing (though they had far from the era’s worst), but the sitcom derived an awful lot of laughs from the pairing of this deliciously mismatched duo!

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    And you’ve probably caught on by now, but I really DO like that SpongeBob fella!

    Those who just missed making the list include Cosmo Kramer, Homer Simpson, Mr. Fields (Abbott and Costello’s belligerent landlord), Al Lewis’ Sgt. Leo Schnauser, and the Fonz – who would’ve easily earned himself a spot had Happy Days been cancelled after a mere two seasons! Instead, he went on to do that stunt where he jumped the shark, and well – THAT’S a whole ‘another website, one with their OWN set of lists!…

    (And on YOUR list of things to do, I’m hoping visiting Hembeck.com (or Fred’s MySpace page, or sending me a personal message) is on or near the very top of it! Or at least not TOO close to the bottom…)

    Copyright 2006 Fred Hembeck

  • Nocturnal Admissions: DVD Review, Equinox

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    Equinox BoxSometime in the mid-1960s, Forest J. Ackerman, the editor of Famous Monsters of Filmland, indirectly introduced two of his readers, both aspiring horror filmmakers, to one another. David Allen ran an ad in FM asking to hear from anyone out there interested in stop motion animation. Dennis Muren, living not far away from the home base of FM in the San Gabriel Valley, responded. The two boys visited, became friends, and later collaborated on a low budget film, working under the lowest of low budgets, a mere $6000 dollars, back when $6000 dollars was a lot of money.

    They were joined in their enterprise by two others, Mark McGee who lived in Arcadia and had written a screenplay, and Jim Danforth, a specialist in matte screens. All of them were horror and special effects fans, spun in the FM orbit, and loosely met to watch and critique horror films, and to write articles for and distribute ‘zines about their interests.

    The boys went about things in an almost traditional manner. They held a casting call, which attracted 50 auditioners, shot the film a la the New Wave, on a 16mm Bolex without direct sound, built sets, created special effects, and even had a “premiere” sometime around 1966 to 1967. But far from being an instant calling card into Hollywood, the resultant film, Equinox: A Journey Into the Supernatural, and its makers went no where for several years. Eventually, however, Muren was able to place it in the hands of Jack H. Harris, who did some re-editing and re-shooting, adding a few new characters and requiring the old cast to find the clothes they wore during the shoot two years earlier. The new Equinox made its debut in 1970 and received wider distribution starting in 1971.

    The Equinox team

    It became a cult; but also rather difficult to see, unless one spent a lot of time up late watching movies on television in cities that had many, many channels. It became a cult probably because its special effects harked back to the style of Ray Harryhausen, and because it represented an act of will by the boys, who would not settle for being simply fans. McGee went on, after a long hiatus, to write screenplays for such as Stepmonster. Danforth, who had some 20 credits before Equinox, went on to work on over 60 films, while the late David Allen worked on Honey, I Shrunk the Kids and Young Sherlock Holmes. Muren hitched up with George Lucas and worked on the Star Wars films, and with Industrial Light and Magic won six Oscars, for The Abyss among many others.

    As a late night film, Equinox must also have influenced other aspirant filmmakers. Among them may have been Sam Raimi or some of his Michigan collaborators who worked on The Evil Dead with him. The stories are quite similar, though the difference in tone between the two films shows how much the world and cinema changed between 1967 and 1981. In Equinox, four youths embark on a trip to the woods to meet a college professor. But the prof has gone mad, and they take off his body a Book of the Damned, which apparently is the cause of his demise. The four youths then find themselves victim to numerous preying monsters and demons, which try to possess or kill them. Only one escapes, and in the ’71 version’s book ends, David Fielding (played by Skip Shimer, credited as Edward Connell in his only role) makes his way to the highway, like Kevin McCarthy in Invasion of the Body Snatchers (a film that McGee had seen almost 100 times), and himself ends up in the madhouse.

    Famous Monsters cover

    Some filmmakers might find it embassassing to have so amateurish a work resurface late in life (Kubrick and now his estate won’t let anyone see Fear and Desire). But with Equinox it’s a fascinating peek into a an enclosed world of fans, privileged knowledge, and specialization. Equinox‘s acting is uneven, the special effects are obvious, the script is frequently incoherent. But they did it. The kids actually made a movie. Such serendipity makes me pine for the pre-internet days of horror magazines such as Famous Monsters and Castle of Frankenstein, and the first real ‘zines, mimeographed at home or at school and mailed to a small list of 100 or less “subscribers.” We are talking about kids who were very, very serious about thier fandom. It was harder to be a fan, and a Darwinian imperitive separated the wheat from the chaff. Only those with great drive, determination, and selfishness (don’t fora minute think that nerds are passive, feckless weaklings: amonst themselves they can be as aggressive, harsh and bullying as any random grouping of atheletes). Today, relatively speaking, it is easy to be a fan, and in fact the culture encourages it, as a profitable economy. In the late 1950s and early 1960s, lines of communication were limited and the films themselves were hard to watch. It is no coincidence that ’50s fandom rose along with TV and drive-ins, venues that gave the kids something to be fans of. At the same time, though, the buffs with the ‘zines wanted to do something with their fandom, wirte books, make movies, fashion horrific faces out of plastic or bring to fruition fantasies of space flight.

    The Criterion Collection has a knack for singling out cheap horror films that have a pervasive influence on the film culture while themselves being forgotten, films such as Carnival of Souls, which influenced Night of the Living Dead. If Equinox influenced Raimi (and it is not at all clear that it did, since the premise is a common enough idea), than it helped gave birth to a number of important careers and films among its Michigan film geek viewers. Equinox (The Criterion Collection, No. 338, 1967, 1970, 82 minutes and 71 minutes, color, NR, full frame, DD mono in English with English subtitles, animated musical menu with 18-chapter scene selection. 16 for the 1967 version, 32-page insert with chapter titles, transfer info, pix, credits, and essays by George Lucas, Ray Harryhausen, and Brock DeShane, keep case, two discs, $39.95, released on Tuesday, June 20, 2006) is for fans, specialists, and historians only. Muren calls Equinox a “fossil.” I don’t think that a “regular” viewer stumbling upon it is going to get much out of the film. But a dedicated fan will enjoy the two versions of the movie, and the commentaries that go with them (Viewing Tip: watch the original version first, and then the re-editied mass-distributed version), plus all the extras.

    Fritz Leiber

    The 1970 commentary track is by veteran writer-co-director Jack Woods and producer Jack H. Harris. For the 1967 version, effects photographer, producer, and director Dennis Muren, writer-codirector Mark McGee, and matte artist, cel animator, and effects techinican Jim Danforth chat, though in two edited-together tracks. In this track, we learn that Robin Snider, billed as Robin Christopher, and who played Vickie, was a childhood friend of Stevie Nicks and influenced some of the songs she wrote. And we learn that part of the film was shot in Bronson Canyon, and it is clear that Equinox uses the same cave that Ford uses at the end of The Searchers. Also in the cast were the then Barbara Hewitt, later a Rose Queen and now a minister, as well as Frank Boers, Jr., later known as Frank Bonner and a cast member of WKRP in Cincinnati. We also learn why science fiction writer Fritz Leiber, of all people, appears in the film as Dr. Arthur Waterman. Disc round also includes a video introduction by Forrest J Ackerman.

    Dennis MurenDisc two features a video interview with Muren, and an edited assembly of interview segments with of the actors from the show, Bonner, Hewitt, and James Duron. “Monstrous Origins” includes outtakes, deleted scenes (include a pool-side party scene that features a vixen worthy of Russ Meyer), and some monster test footage. Zorgon: The H-Bomb Beast from Hell, from 1972, is a silent eight and a half minute short film with some of the same people who worked on Equinox, plus Rick Baker. “David Allen Appreciation” is a section of the disc that contains The Magic Treasure, an early animated fairy tale by Allen, which comes with a textual history, and Allen’s King Kong homage Volkswagen commercial, plus test footage. “Equiphemera” gathers together an exhaustive gallery of stills, on set shots, promotional material, and so forth, under the headings, Origins of *The Equinox, On Location, Designing the Demonic: Special Effects, Publicity and Promotion, Beyond the Barrier, David Allen’s Kong, and Buried **Treasure. The final grouping, “Trailer and Radio Spots,” contains one 1970 trailer and two radio ads.

    Equinox Poster
  • Music For The Masses: July 6th, 2006

     

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    Welcome back, friends!  Yeah, well. . .umm. . .so much for that weekly column idea, huh?  Hey, look. . .settle the hell down, will ya’?  In all fairness, I did warn you and I gotta be honest with you, the pursuit of my primary goal is proving tougher than I imagined.  Who knew?  Hell, I thought it would be a walk in the park becoming a Mormon prophet.   After all, this guy was able to land the job. . . 

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    The competition: He’s soooo going down.

    So I ask you friends, why not me, huh?  Sure, the stiffs SAY you have to be an active “member” and “ordained by God” and some such bullshit, but screw the “old” thinking.  It’s time for some fresh, new ideas and a bold new direction, don’t you think?  Damn straight.  And I am just the person to do that.  Afterall, I went to BYU (seriously) for one, WHOLE semester and I’ll be God damned if I let that Sexual Repression major (with a minor in Masturbation!) go to waste.  Nope.  Not going to happen.

    Now, you are probably asking yourself, “But M.C., how is one, such as yourself, by which we mean an agnostic, generally drunk and arrogant prick going to land the job of the most powerful man and living prophet in the Mormon church?  Two words. . .”dick out.”Â  That’s right friends, I’m going to go dick out with Mr. Hinkley up there.  “Do you mean literally, M.C.?”Â  Of course not, friends.  Besides, I’m a “grower,” not a “shower” and unless Mr. Hinkley wants to give me a “mouth hug” before we throw down on the table that might prove too close to call.  No, friends, I’m talking about putting our money where our mouths are.  His ideas versus mine.

    For instance, I say it’s high time that the church diversify a bit.  As it stands now, finding a proud, African-American brother in a Mormon congregation is like playing “Where’s Waldo.”Â  I, brothers and sisters, promise to change that. . .with the help of my friends, Gnarls Barkley, hip hop missionaries.  With their blonde hair and penchant for dairy, they are non-threatening to the existing members, while appealing directly to today’s urban youth.  Oh yeah, and they are well-versed in the ways of the Lord. . .fo’ shizzle.  I’m building bridges here, people. . .that’s all I gotta say.

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    Gnarls Barkley:  hip hop missionaries, natural blondes, Clockwork Orange fans and milk drinkers.

    Another idea that I have is to fully embrace and promote the whole “polygamy” thing.  Come on, now. . .let’s face it.  This was EASILY the coolest thing the church had going for it and they turned their collective backs on it (*WINK WINK*).  Silly Mormons, dicks are for (lotsa) chicks. . .just ask Brigham Young and. . .umm, Wilt Chamberlain.  As your new living prophet, my Mormon and non-Mormon friends, I promise that you can come home, each and every night, to this. . .

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    *WARNING* ACTUAL SIZE, SHAPE AND APPEARANCE OF MODELS MAY VARY*
     
    Now ladies. . .before you go getting all pissed thinking that I have forsaken YOU and YOUR needs, wants and desires, I promise to change ANOTHER, long-held church belief and give you some much needed relief.  Gone are the days of “late-night, sniper-sex,” rampant procreation and child-bearing “one-ups-manship.”Â  I am going to promote and institute a new program, aimed DIRECTLY at you, the tired, “busy” mom, with this very simple message. . .

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    Sorry, Mormon dads, but enough’s enough.  Don’t you think it’s high time that you gave the Mormon moms both a rest AND a break between pregnancy and uterine healing?  Let me answer that for you. . .”yes, it is.”Â  Take it out on your OTHER wives for cryin’ out loud, huh?  I’m telling you, folks, this idea here is golden and I’ll be honest with you it’s got mass appeal.  In fact, I’m also going to send a copy of this to the Pope.

    So, what do you say?  You with me?  Do I have your vote?  Thought so.

    But enough about all that. . .we have some new music to check out.  Since we last chatted, we’ve had some noteworthy new releases drop, namely the sophomore disc from Keane and one from Dashboard Confessional.  Also, Double A is back this week to check out the new one from Dr. Octagon.  So what do you say?  Let’s get to it, shall we?

     

    m4m-july6-keanealbum.jpg Artist: Keane
    Album: Under The Iron Sea
    Bastard Love Child of: Coldplay and a Kleenex®
    Best for: Resolving any issues you have with falling asleep.

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    After listening to the new album from Keane (pianist Tim Rice-Oxley, big-voiced Tom Chaplin and drummer Richard Hughes), I have devised the perfect cross-promotional event for their forthcoming tour. . .”Sominex® and the Sleep Number® Bed Present Keane.”Â  (Oh, and in case you are wondering. . .I’m a “43.”)  Think about it.  You have America’s top two sleep aides combined with England’s number one, sleep-inducing export.  I’m telling you, folks, this is marketing gold.  The way it would work would be like this. . .you show up to said venue, climb into one of the ready-made beds, Keane comes out and starts to play one of their coma-inducing songs and BAM!. . .you’re off to Nappy Land.  Don’t believe me?  Check out what happened, recently, when they played a track off the new disc at a local day care. .

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    Seriously, Under An Iron Sea should come with a warning label:  “Do not operate heavy machinery.  Product may cause drowsiness.”Â 

    Why is it so boring, you ask?  Good lord, where do I begin?  Should I start with the mid-tempo monotony of most of the songs on the disc?  No.  That’s a given.  After all, we ARE talking about Keane.  I know. . .how about we start with the melancholic and overwrought lyrics about England’s role in Iraq?  Hmmm, maybe.  Wait. . .I know. . .the inaccessibility of the music?  Umm. . .the lack of any discernable hooks?  On second thought, I guess I don’t know where to begin. 

    I can honestly tell you that I was surprised as hell to hear how different the band sounds now.  Somewhere along the line, Keane decided to change things up and eschew the “Coldplay-Lite” musical meanderings found on their first disc, Hopes and Fears.  Honestly?  Not a bad move and I applaud the decision, if not the execution.  It’s always nice to see a band swing some giant, brass balls by taking some chances with their music and this turn towards a heavier, meatier and darker sound could pay off going forward. . .assuming, of course, Rice-Oxley can figure out how to drop a hook or two into a song. . .by making the band more distinct and exciting and not just a bunch of Chris Martin wanna-bes.  I guess we’ll see. 

    Of course, it’s also going to be interesting to see if this new sound alienates long-time fans of the band.  For instance, the first single, “Is It Any Wonder,” with it’s up-front and edgy rhythms created through the use of some vintage guitar pedals, sounds more like a track lifted from a Strokes album than a mournful Keane tune and could come as quite a shock.  In fact, for the old-school fans, there is really only one track, “Nothing In My Way,” that recalls the comfortable and plodding drum, piano and vocal dynamic of Keane’s earlier work.

    If you’re looking for a snappy, toe-tapping little disc to help get you through the day, skip this one.  However, if you’re the kind of person who enjoys watching paint dry, snails fuck or golf on TV, this is right up your alley.    

    Rating:  3 out of 5
       

    m4m-july6-dashboard.jpg Artist: Dashboard Confessional
    Album: Dusk and Summer
    Bastard Love Child of: The Cure and *INSERT EMO BAND HERE*
    Best for: Hating your parents and writing poetry about the guy you like who doesn’t even notice you.

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    All right. . .let’s get this out of the way right now.  A lot has been written about the mythical good looks of Dashboard Confessional’s lead singer, Chris Carrabba.  In fact, everything I have ever read about the guy mentions this fact at least once.  That’s him, right there. . .and yes, people, he is TOTALLY hot.  I would SOOO do him, all the sickest, most depraved, “illegal in Southern states” shit I could think of and I would do it to every single hole God gave him. . .if I were gay.  But I’m not.  So his “super dreamy” good looks are completely irrelevant to me. . .much like his music.

    Now, I’m sure that I’ll probably end up getting (more) hate mail for saying this, lord knows the emo kids love to write. . .usually in a poetry journal. . .but I’m not a Dashboard Confessional fan.  Chris’s penchant for wrapping his vulnerable love poems in a warm and fuzzy pop blanket is just a little “too pussy” for my tastes.  But I will say this, if Dashboard Confessional was around when I was in high school, holy statutory, Batman, I would have gotten so much more “˜tang.  And I ain’t talking about the orange-flavored astronaut drink.  I’m talking about the high school chicks out there that eat this shit up with a spoon.  Not that I know from personal experience.  I’ve just heard.  That’s my story, Dateline.  I’m sticking to it.

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    I wish ALL ‘Tang was Orange flavored. That would be soooo cool.  

    Now, regardless of my feelings regarding D.C., as the kids like to call them, I really dig the Emo scene.  But holy crap, these guys take shoe-gazing Emo to a whole new level.  Take the lyrics from the latest disc, Dusk & Summer, which I firmly believe (but haven’t confirmed) to have been written by a 12 year old goth girl.   Seriously. . .”The sky glows/I see it shining when my eyes close?”Â  What the hell does that even mean, little 12 year old goth girl?  Not a clue.  But who am I kidding?  Cheesy, juvenile lyrics and off-the-chart “pussy” factor aside, the real reason that I’ve never been into these guys (well, really guy) is because all of their songs sound the same.  I’m not exaggerating.  It’s called variety, Chris, and I’m told that it is the “spice of life.”Â  Perhaps you should sprinkle some on your tear-stained acoustic to help me differentiate between your songs.  Oh yeah, and Chris?  Knock off the bad, Robert Smith imitation.  It’s irritating.

    There are a few songs on Dusk and Summer that do “stand out”. . .sorta, with “So Long, So Long” coming immediately to mind.  Featuring some piano work tinkling in the background and guest vocals from the Counting Crow’s Adam Duritz, this is, hands down, the best song on the disc.  In fact, it’s so good in comparison to the rest of the album, I’m going to write a poem about it in my journal.  Sure, the lyrics suck harder then Jenna Jamison in “Up and Cummers 20,” but hey, I can look past that for this one song.  I also seem to recall that “Slow Decay,” with its heavier guitar sound, didn’t totally suck but that’s mostly because it helped to break up the monotony of the rest of the album.  For that, I am grateful.

    This album isn’t terrible. . .no where NEAR being on par with Coulier. . .but it really isn’t that good either.  Suffice it to say, if you are NOT a 12 year old goth girl whose parents “TOTALLY don’t understand her,” you won’t get a whole lot out of Dusk and Summer. . .except maybe a gay fantasy and a craving for a powdered, orangey drink.

    Rating:  2.5 out of 5

    AND NOW. . .A WORD FROM DOUBLE A. . .

    m4m-july6-droct.jpg Artist: Dr. Octagon/Kool Keith
    Album: The Return of Doctor Octagon
    Bastard Love Child of: Waylon Jennings & Herbie Hancock
    Best for: Background music as you practice your Ventriloquist act

     

    Ahhh, Dr. Octagon.  You all remember Dr. Octagon, right?  Fat guy?  Bowl haircut?  Eight arms?  Always fighting Spider-Man?  You know, this guy”¦

    m4m-july6-octopus.gif

    Oh, wait.  That’s Dr. Octopus, not Dr. Octagon.  My bad.  Dr. Octagon is a rapper, Dr. Octopus is a criminal mastermind that constantly tries to take over the world but is persistently thwarted by a guy in a spandex jumpsuit.  I always get those two confused.  Well I guess that’s to be expected, since by my count Dr. Octagon has 54 aliases.  See, he’s also know as Kool Keith.. .Dr. Dooom.  . .the Black Elvis.  Ok, I think that’s it.  I guess I exaggerated a little bit.  But the point is there is a veritable cornucopia of Octagon related goodness out there if you know where to look, but it’s very easy to get confused.

    Now, on to the business at hand.  There are two key things that are very different about this album, The Return of Doctor Octagon, than many of the other Kool Keith-esqe releases.  First off, the beats are so much better.  Pretty much everything I have heard prior to this album all contained stagnant beats.  I’m not saying that the beats weren’t good, it’s just that there was no variation to them for the duration of the song.  Picture it like this.  Imagine your getting busy with your lady/guy/hand/inflatable doll.  Using the same move repeatedly gets old after a few minutes, right?  I mean it’s still sex, and that’s good, but it could be much better.  When you throw in a little dip, a twist or a tickle of the Tar-Star, things get that much more exciting.  That the same with the older Kool Keith stuff.  It serves the purpose, but it’s not that exciting.  The Return of Doctor Octagon has all the dips, twists and tickles one could want in a sex act, I mean rap disc.

    m4m-july6-dummy.jpg

    Now that little sex analogy brings me to the second difference.  Kool Keith is one dirty dude.  I am talking dirty, like, well, like something that’s really, really dirty.  Like the homeless guy in front of your local grocery store.  Well, no, not really dirty like that.  I’m talking dirty like an R. Kelly video.  The typical Kool Keith rap goes into so much detail that most porn stars would blush and cover their ears.  The Return of Doctor Octagon, however, is fairly tame

    Doc Oct knows how to rap, plain and simple, and he proves it on this disc.  With the help of One Watt Sun, who supplied the beats, this album, from start to finish, is better than just about any other recent rap album out there.  By far the best songs on the disc are the first three, “Trees,” “Aliens,” and “Ants,” with “Aliens” being the strongest of those.  With great rhymes and a tempo that gradually increases as the song goes on, “Aliens” is a great tune that will get you moving. 

    The only low points on The Return of Doctor Octagon are the obligatory “rap disc intro” and the silly, “in-between-song” skits.  While the intro and skits are funny, you really don’t need to listen to them more than once and they quickly become annoying.  However, the only real complaint that I have of this album is that it is way to short.  Clocking in at just over a half hour, there is way too much promise to be this short. 

    Rating:  4.5 out of 5

    SUPERMAN CONTEST WINNERS!!!

    m4m-july6-supes.jpg

     

    Well, folks, that was a fun little contest and I appreciate everyone who entered.  I especially appreciate the fact that those who DID enter, had to go through a little extra leg work to do so.  You see, it appears that the powers that be here dropped our email addresses from the bottom of the page. . .D’OH!!!  But alas, you, kind readers, are nothing if not resourceful.  So, without further ado, here are the winners, in no particular order. . .      

    Chris R. ““ I was going to submit “Rainbow Kryptonite,” makes him dance faster than a speeding bullet, or “Red/yellow/green Kryptonite” makes him turn his one curl into a dreadlock and gives him very red eyes and makes him fly really slow and paranoid, but I rejected those as somehow offensive to someone somewhere.

    So how about Brown Kryptonite, makes him feel like shit? Nah, maybe not.

    Yellow Kryptonite, pisses him off? (You see the theme here).

    Alright, maybe Vertically Striped Kryptonite, makes him taller? That one seems inoffensive to anyone…”
     

    Aaron B. ““ “Blue Kryptonite – Also Known as “Viagra” Kryptonite.  Wont go into details, but lets just say that Lois wont be able to walk right for a week after exposure.”Â 

    Dan L. ““ “The type of Kryptonite that I found is pink and if Superman comes in contact with it he is automatically whisked away to West Hollywood where he never has to take off his cape and tights, well unless he wants to, I suppose..
     A place where he can be Superman all the time and no one will question him or look at him strange.  Allegedly Robin has been trying to send this type of Kryptonite to Supes for years.”

     

    Tony H. ““ While picking up fossilized dog crap in my backyard I was wondering why I had so much to pick up considering I don’t own a dog when I happened upon a chunk of Northwestern Black kryptonite.  How does it differ from the regular black kryptonite originally introduced in the comic?
     

     Well, it has this psychotropic effect on Kal-El:
    “All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything…
    All the love gone bad turned my world to black
    Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I will”
     

    While this is running through his head in an endless loop it makes him susceptible to hoards of Pearl Jam fans that just can’t understand why he thinks their newest album isn’t as good as Vs.  They spent weeks and weeks making rambling arguments and counterarguments with Superman powerless to stop them.  Meanwhile, Lex and Braniac hold the bottled city of Kandor hostage rendering Superman powerless and unleashes on the world the most heinous crime in history:  The release of Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Strikes Again.”
     

    Nice work, gentlemen. . .and I use that term loosely.  Enjoy the discs!! 

    Well, friends, that’s going to do it for this week, so, until next time, keep wearin’ it proud and playin’ loud!

    Send Books of Mormon, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:

    M.C. Bell
    P.O. Box 1222
    Arvada, CO 80001 

     

     

  • Brat-halla #135: Norse Force – Shellshocked

    by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee

    Larger Comic Version

    Brat-halla #135: Norse Force - Shellshocked

    For extras, visit the Brat-halla Web site!

    Check out the preview to the Image comic Jeff writes…

    E-MAIL WRITER | ABOUT JEFF | ABOUT SETH | BRAT-HALLA BLOG | BRAT-HALLA FORUM | ARCHIVES

  • Nocturnal Admissions: Movie Review – Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

     

    nocturnalheader2.gif

     

    Poster Pirates of the Caribbean

     

    Here is my audio review of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.

     

    Running

     

    When I came out of the screening for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest on Wednesday last week, the publicist’s rep, as is her mandate, asked me what I thought of the movie.

    “I don’t know,” I replied. “It’s not over yet.”

    For that is the big news for viewers who don’t keep up with all the details of the big summer releases on the chat boards and at AICN. Pirates doesn’t conclude. It just stops. It closes on a cliffhanger, while bringing back a major character from the previous film. If you happen to love the Pirates series, don’t make any other plans for May 25th, 2007.

     

    The Team

     

    IMPORTANT NOTE: Please do stay through the credits. Not only do you get to hear more of Hans Zimmer’s score, but also there is a narrative surprise in the final five seconds.

    Anyway, Pirates 2 ends with disaster looming over everyone, in the fine tradition of cliffhangers since time immemorial, or at least since the Perils of Pauline. But I bow to the prevailing notion that people read the Internet not to know what’s going on in the world, and so I won’t describe these numerous poised disasters, on the off chance that you are reading this before seeing the film. Just visualize in your mind The Empire Strikes Back, and you’re in the same ballpark.

     

    Indiana Jones style

     

    Though the chances are good that while watching Pirates you will also think of Raiders of the Lost Ark, Lost, Apocalypse Now (when the travelers go up river to meet a new character, Tia Dalma, played by Naomie Harris), even SNL‘s Mr. Bill (during a moment when Jack Sparrow falls through a succession of rope bridges), and a few other movies that aren’t so much quoted as alluded to in passing, works which it seems are now so much a part of the culture that screenwriters draw upon them without thinking, as they might have a concentrating person jump when a friend comes up from behind and touches them, or as they might type “neither here nor there” or “be that as it may.”

     

    Johnny Depp

     

    Credited screenwriters Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio apparently thought that what everyone liked most about the first Pirates were the stunts, the thrills, the suspense. In a film that was built around Johnny Depp as “Captain” Jack Sparrow, and who brought great charm and wit to his Bob Hopian turn as a cowardly and opportunistic rogue, all its $653 million dollars intake told the producers was, “More monsters! More explosions! More hairbreadth escapes! More big scenes! Just big, big bigger!” Of course, the show is based on a Disneyland ride, but that’s not why people liked it. Instead the public enjoyed it because of its mature wit and integration of the “thrill ride” elements into a relatively well-crafted plot that mocked its genre without disparaging it and didn’t insult the adult viewer’s intelligence.

     

    Knightley

     

    But intelligence, it seems, is neither here nor there. The new film plunges the viewer into the story in media res as Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) and Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) are arrested at the direction of a new character, the oily Cutler Beckett (Tom Hollander), local representative of the East India Trading Company at Port Royal, Jamaica. This arrest is really a bargaining chip to get Turner to get Jack Sparrow to get Beckett the key to the fabled Dead Man’s Chest, which doesn’t mean in this film what it means in seafaring lore.

     

    Davy Jones

     

    From there things fall apart. And we’re only five minutes into the film. Every character has a task or a goal. Sometimes they have tasks within goals. It’s hard to keep them straight, especially when the tasks are modified or expanded due to new circumstances or new characters. The goal of Governor Weatherby Swann (Jonathan Pryce, who talks the way Hilary Duff and every other teen pop idols sing) is to keep his daughter alive, to which end he must “¦ I forget. Elizabeth’s goal is to fetch Will, to which end she escapes from prison and stows away on a ship whose name, crew, purpose, and destination evaporate from the mind even as events are happening, like invisible ink. Will’s goal is already stated, and Jack’s is to rescue his soul or fate or something from the clutches of Davy Jones (Bill Nighy, unrecognizable beneath tentacles), who in this text is a deadly demon who haunts the seas and directs a huge monster to swallow the ships crewed by his enemies. I think so, anyway, and I forget what Jones’s goal is. Oh, yeah, to get Jack’s soul. I think.

     

    Orlando Bloom

     

    As I was watching the film, I couldn’t help but think that it was more like an animated movie than a fun, frolicsome yarn. All gags, emotions, and facial expressions are big, and set-ups and situations are like those in a cartoon, impossible and gravity defying. Of course, in a sense all films these days are animated, at least to a certain degree, and there is the merest bat-wing’s whisper of high seriousness in having a representative of corporate imperialism be the human villain. But otherwise this impression was confirmed in a way by the credits of the writers, who have been associated with *Shrek, Antz, Aladdin, and Little Monsters, making them obviously the Disney house scribes. Well, I guess in the eyes of corporate media we are all seven-yeas-old now, a perhaps justified assumption. For me, the film just wasn’t funny, except for a line of Jack’s when he is telling Elizabeth how she should dress and what he has, or doesn’t have, in his cabin for such purposes, or one of the two scenes on the beach (there’s two of everything in this film), with Elizabeth hopping around on the sand trying to get the attention of the fighting boys. Otherwise Pirates part two appears to have been constructed with a dead man’s hand.

    Â