Author: UncaScroogeMcD

  • The Fred Hembeck Show: Episode 88 – Back To The Beach

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    Back in 1990, a telefilm with the self-explanatory title of Summer Dreams: The Story of the Beach Boys was broadcast by (I think) NBC. As many other fans of the group undoubtedly did, I tuned in. The star of this compressed, two-hour (minus commercial time) recounting of the turbulent history of the legendary West Coast pop group (who initially came to fame by riding surfing’s new-found wave of popularity in the early sixties, but eventually exceeded all artistic expectations thanks to the musical genius of group leader, Brian Wilson), the focus of this TV movie, was actor Bruce Greenwood.

    He played Dennis Wilson.

    Hey, he was the sexy one, the bad boy, the one who hung out with Charles Manson, the Beach Boy who – how’s THIS for tragic irony? – actually DROWNED! Throw in numerous drug problems and a revolving cast of bedmates and you’ve got yourselves a story even the most casual American tube watcher could understand, one that surely comes across a whole lot easier than trying to properly portray brother Brian’s fragile mental and emotional state during the group’s heyday, the period when he composed his masterworks. To be fair, Brian DID get a fair amount of screen time, second only to Dennis. After that, attention paid to the core members dropped off precipitously: Mike Love was mostly there to man the microphone for some iconic lead vocals and, later, not dig his cousin’s revolutionary ideas – and to bluntly tell him so! Young brother Carl, well, he had a few lines, and a few vocals.

    And Al Jardine?

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    Pity actor Andrew Mylar. The Internet Movie Data Base lists his portrayal of Jardine as his debut credit – followed up by only three more, the last in 1995.

    (Bruce Greenwood, by contrast, has 89 credits, dating back to 1979 right on up to the present. I recall him best as Dr. Seth Griffin during the 1988 season of St. Elsewhere…)

    Anyway, you’d think taking on the role of a world-famous rock-star would’ve propelled Mylar’s thespian ambitions, but there was one little thing missing from his role that might’ve helped him even further:

    A line.

    Look, it’s been 17 years, so maybe I’m misremembering, but best as I can recall, the Al Jardine character wasn’t afforded a single line of dialog in the entire piece! Mostly, our faux Al just hovered around in the background, smiling when the group was up, frowning when they weren’t.

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    Not fair. Not fair at all. Not to a man who sang lead on (among others) “Help Me Rhonda” and “Vegetables,” and who suggested Brian cut a version of “Sloop John B,” the only smash hit single from the since-universally lionized (but at the time of release, commercially disappointing) Pet Sounds LP.

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    Hey, there’s even some evidence that Al, following founder Brian, was actually the second man recruited for the group. After a musical assemblage made up of the pair and some of their college friends didn’t quite jell, their university associates were booted, only to be replaced by Carl and Mike, and THAT’S when the real Beach Boys were born! (Mother Audree Wilson later insisted that Dennis be added.)

    You’d think THAT scenario would be worth a line or two, but apparently not.

    Well, all these years later, Brian and Al are back together, touring to perform Pet Sounds on stage in it’s entirety one last time (or so they say). This is a rather recent development. Brian and The Boys went their separate ways years ago, with Wilson touring on his own while Mike Love, Carl Wilson, mid-sixties recruit Bruce Johnston, and Al went out before audiences as The Beach Boys. After Carl’s tragic passing nearly a decade ago, the group not only sorely missed his angelic voice (my personal favorite amongst all of the group’s extremely talented vocalists), they also missed his peacekeeping nature. Thus, soon after, lacking in love for Mike, Al split to go off on his own. However, Love legally controlled The Beach Boys brand, so Jardine was forbidden from performing under any sort of a moniker that included the word “Beach” in it.

    Still, Al managed.

    Don’t believe me? Check out this live recording, Al Jardine Family and Friends: Live In Las Vegas

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    Recorded in 1999, and featuring Jardine sons Matt and Adam – as well as Brian’s offspring, Carnie and Wendy – sharing lead vocals with Al on a generous helping of Beach Boy classics and overlooked gems alike (“Surfer Girl” and “Breakaway,” “Good Vibrations” and “Girl, Don’t Tell Me”), I was pleasantly surprised not only by the music’s energy but by its polish as well. Frankly, as much as I love The Beach Boys, I have never been overly impressed by the handful of concert recordings they’ve issued over the decades (and that includes most of Brian’s recent forays as well), as the shimmering vocal precision so instrumental to the original tracks’ success is rarely close to being duplicated, with the live recordings always sounding positively ragged by comparison. Plus, there’s always those groan-inducing raps of Mike Love’s to endure. After all, who needs to hear “Good Vibrations” sung live if the lead vocalist is gonna mock it midway through?

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    But this record is an awful lot of fun (which Al closes out with “California Energy Blues, a studio track of his own). Hey, it may not be SMiLE, but it’s not Looking Back With Love, either. You can order a copy through Al Jardine’s Official Website, and I think even a casual Beach Boy fan would find it to be a worthy purchase.

    Who knows – maybe somewhere out there, Andrew Mylar is listening to his very own copy right now?

    (And Ned Vaughn, as well. He also took on the role of Al Jardine, this time in 2000 TV flick called The Beach Boys: An American Family. Frankly, I don’t remember if I actually watched this latter day rehash of The Boys history or not – as big a rock music fan as I am, after awhile I wearied of mostly second-rate attempts to dramatize pop music history, and have a half dozen still unwatched network takes on key moments in Beatles history languishing downstairs to prove it, and the American Family likely suffered from a similar indifference…

    Maybe I SHOULDA tuned in – Vaughn’s imdb listing is far more impressive than his predecessor – 47 credits overall, 18 since he slipped into Al’s striped shirt, including four appearances as Mitch Anderson during the fourth season of my beloved 24! I don’t know if he sidled up to the mic to warble “Help Me Rhonda” during The Beach Boy bio flick, but I’m pretty sure he screamed “Help me, Bauer!” during his 24 stint!…)

    Sadly, Carl and Dennis are gone – and Mike has staked out his own path – so for the group’s two originals, Brian and Al, it’s a much belated reunion, which, from all accounts, has infused a new level of confidence in the stage-wary Wilson. Clearly, Brian is the musical immortal, but let’s not overlook the contribution Al Jardine made to the group’s success. This man has seen it ALL, folks – just imagine the sort of book he could write? A blockbuster, I’m betting – one just ripe for a THIRD teleflick!

    AND a far juicier role for narrator Al Jardine, I’m betting!

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    And now, for you comics fans who’ve muddled through my rock ramblings, allow me to share with you a strip I did for the 71st issue of Marvel Age (February 1989) which features not only Cartoon Fred hosting an earlier version of “The Fred Hembeck Show,” but Brother Voodoo, several Beach Boys, and their NEW lead singer as well! I even give Cartoon Al Jardine a pivotal line – and this a full year before Video Al Jardine showed up on the small screens of America, woefully bereft of dialog!

    This strip was drawn in the regular centerspread format of the day, meaning that I had to divvy up the twenty one panels rather than just post the double-wide pair of pages for your viewing enjoyment. Also, bear in mind that this was composed while I was deeply in thrall of the great Jack Benny, and shortly after Mike Love shot off his mouth during the group’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame acceptance speech! In retrospect, I wonder exactly HOW many Marvel Age readers knew just what the heck I was talking about, but good ol’ editor Jim Salicrup let me run around unfettered, and this was one of those times where, hey, good luck getting the punchline, kids! (Another was when I did a strip about Roy and Dann Thomas taking over the scripting of Dr. Strange, and the humor revolved around Cartoon Fred mistaking Roy’s missus with comedian DANNY Thomas, culminating with a Dormammu bearing a big honker, and an “Uncle Tonoose” reference to boot. After it came out, I was in my local comics store, and the clerk – a pre-Hutch Owens Tom Hart – confessed he didn’t understand the gags in that particular strip at all! I think that was when I first began to realize that, y’know, maybe I shouldn’t always be so narrow with my quips…)

    But before that overdue bolt of lightning finally hit, I did the following strip…

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    Aside from my labored caricature, the Jardine impressions above were all garnered from the 1979 trade paperback, The Beach Boys, by the late Byron Preiss, and were the work of, in order of appearance, Bill Nelson, Joey Epstein/Tom Hachtman, George Chastain, and Overton Loyd. This handsome volume also contains contributions by such stalwarts as Howard Chaykin, Ralph Reese, Edward Gorey, John Pound, Kenneth Smith, Walt Simonson, Bobby London, William Stout, and Harvey Kurtzman – none of whom, unfortunately, offered up a Jardine of their own. Still, it’s a book well worth searching out, especially for the comics fan who likes to listen to Endless Summer while reading his (or her) Man of Tomorrow Archives

    Well, that’s about it for this week – say good night, Al…

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    Visit Hembeck.com for all the good vibrations you can handle! And worry not – no one’s gonna eat all your corn there, I promise!

    -Copyright 2007 Fred Hembeck

  • Music For The Masses: 1/25/07

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    Hello again! “˜Tis I, your old pal M.C… back with a SUPER-SIZED edition of “Music for the Masses.” This week, I “whips out” a gnarly, Big Cock and slam it against the bedpost a couple of times to “warm it up a bit” before sticking it in your ear. Meanwhile, Double A checks in with the new one from Nas and proclaims that Hip Hop Is Dead and we “class the joint up a bit” by adding a new voice to the proceedings, “Reverb. . .with J.D.” Sound like fun? Well, what do you say we find out?

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    BIG COCK
    Album: Big Cock
    Sounds Like? The Whiskey on Sunset… circa 1987.

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    There ain’t no blockin’ THESE Cocks…

    Before I begin any type of review for the new, self-titled album from Scottsdale, Arizona’s Big Cock, I would like to personally thank them… again… for naming their band after me. You’re too kind, boys… too kind. And since you were obviously using me as your naming inspiration, I would also like to thank you for avoiding the band names “BackHair,” “Halitosis” and “Un-descended Left Nut.” You guys fucking rock, in a very “don some acid-wash, crimp your hair and hop in the “˜Z’ to head to the tracks to slam some Matilda Bay” kinda way, and I’m reserving a special place in heaven for you boys… smack-ass between the guy who invented the “day-glo pink” wife beater and this hell-cat.. GRRRRR!!!!

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    Jesus… hope this guy never has an itch on his balls.

    But seriously, folks, I’m here to tell you that, obvious “big dick jokes” aside, Big Cock is a group of HARD rockers in the VEIN of Deep PURPLE and HELMET. In fact, even a ONE EYED SNAKE could see how HARD these guy’s rock. Okay… I lied. Those were still some OBVIOUS jokes and perhaps… PERHAPS… that last one was a “bit” of a stretch. Whatever. Let’s just suffice it to say that Big Cock is one of the best non-hair “hair metal” band that you have ever heard… like an AquaNet “wetdream”… sans the AquaNet.

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    AquaNet… the first choice for dudes dressing like chicks.©

    That’s right, Mr. Brett Michaels!! Keep your fingers crossed!! I smell an “opening act” opportunity for you on the horizon!!

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    Pamela Anderso… wait… I mean, Brett Michaels… wait. Good lord. I wish they’d wear name tags or something… it’s like trying to tell the fucking Olsen twins apart.

    All joking aside, this new disc from the Arizona 4-piece is cock-full, I mean, chock-full of ass-ripping power chords, blistering solos, nut-thudding base, head-pounding drums and enough euphemisms for male genitalia to make Lance Bass lick his lips. Check out some of these song titles: “Ride On Me,” “Rock Hard,” “Every Inch Of My Love” and “Fucked Up!” Oh yeah, and there’s a cover of the Paul Anka song, “She’s A Lady.” My particular favorites, though, are the riff-laden songs “Real Man” and “Scottsdale Girls,” the later of which I am dedicating, right here and now, to Christopher Stipp from Quick Stop’s very own “Trailer Park” because of the line “make a mess in your blonde curls, my Scottsdale Girls.” See, I’m thinking that’s how Stipp rolls. “Naw, baby, you don’t have to worry. I’ll tell you when I’m about to… AHHH… OHHHH… damn, baby… I’m sorry. Sit right there. I’ll go get you a wet nap.” Oh yeah, and he’s from Scottsdale.

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    Stipp’s ride, “the PenetrateHer.”

    Is this the most original music that you’ll ever hear? Hell no. But who fucking cares? Seriously. That’s not the point of having Big Cock. The point of having Big Cock is to pump some fun back into the tight-assed, “American Idol-loving” music scene, to slap on the foreheads of the punk and “screamo” crowds and to give the world back it’s arena rock. And that, my friends, is EXACTLY what this Big Cock does. Fuck yeah!! Can I hear an “Amen?” Damn straight.

    Sure, it wouldn’t have killed these guys to change the tempo from song to song and the lyrics are not going to win any literary awards, but hey… screw it! I give nothing but kudos to these guys for gearing this baby for maximum, sustained head-bangage. I’ll say it again, this CD is pure, “Devil Horn” pumping fun, plain and simple, so go ahead… take this Big Cock for a spin and see how it fits. I’m confident that you’ll think it’s one hell of a ride.

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    (No Shit, fun stuff!).

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    Well, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. There hasn’t been a damn thing worth a shit to come out this year. Granted, the year is only in its third week, but in the time that I’ve been doing these here reviews, I’ve NEVER had this much trouble finding something to review. So instead of picking up something completely random, I decided to go with an album that came out towards the end of last year. That album is Nas’ Hip Hop is Dead. I’d heard that the album was pretty good, but I avoided it at first because I’m just not into Nas. After listening to this album, I can honestly tell you… I’m STILL not into Nas.

    Don’t get me wrong, this album isn’t bad, it’s just not my cup of tea. Or cup of crunk juice if you will, cus you know, rappers these days are all about the crunk juice. Anyways, Hip Hop is Dead just seems to be going through the motions. None of the songs are bad, but none of them are really great. There were a few times when I found myself getting into a song, but for the most part, all the songs are just kind of plain. Songs like “Where Are they Now?” and “Who Killed It?” offer up some good rhymes and are probably the best tracks on the album.

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    If you’re like me, you want an album that you can really get into. Like Buffalo Bill from The Silence of the Lambs or, I guess, Jay in Clerks II. You know what I mean? Unfortunately this album doesn’t make me want to wear it like a hat. I can see why a lot of mainstream outlets called this the best rap album of last year. It’s safe and non-threatening and, in my opinion, not all that great. If you haven’t picked this up yet… don’t go out of your way. Save your money for some future releases that (hopefully) will be coming out in the next few week.

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    Reverb… with J.D.

    One of the great things about living in Denver is the volume of high-quality of live music that comes through town. As the only “˜major’ city between the West Coast and the Midwest, pretty much every band on tour makes a stop here”¦ as such, you can catch a solid show seemingly every week.

    The past couple of weekends I hit two excellent concerts: My Morning Jacket (1/12) and G. Love (1/19). Actually, though, it’s not really appropriate to group those two together in the “˜excellence’ category. MMJ was indeed stellar: they are a tight band clearly living up to the hype, filling their live show with aural explorations that consistently swell to mesmerizing, kick-ass guitar crescendos. G. Love, on the other hand, was pretty sloppy. The sound at the Fillmore sucked that night and it definitely appeared that G. and his crew had been hitting the “Special Sauce”. But like every other G. Love show I’ve been to, it was still a blast. Good music, good times, and for the most part, good peeps.

    My only complaint about the show actually came from the crowd. During the acoustic part of G’s encore (two songs) some stupid chick standing directly behind me randomly let out howling, eardrum-piercing screams. Now I can appreciate that G. Love, via soulful lyrics and his whitey-hop boogie stylings, consistently hits the “G.” spot of the ladies in his audience”¦ but not to the point where can I appreciate losing a couple of years hearing off the back end of my life.

    My first inclination was to turn around, walk up to her, and scream right the f*ck back in her ear”¦ kinda like the narrator in Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Cask of Amontillado“, of course without the satisfaction horror of silencing her for good. But instead I got to thinking of the most annoying crowd behavior I’ve encountered in my years as a serial concert-goer, and came up with a little rulebook for attending live shows:

    The Concertgoers Manifesto

    Rule #1: Shut The Fuck Up

    –Chances are, I paid good money (plus Ticketmaster gouges) to see this show. So did everyone else around you. And that’s the deal, boys and girls. We paid to listen to the music, not to you. So shut your damn piehole already. If you have a story to tell, save it til’ set-break, take it to the concourses, do whatever you have to do”¦just shut the f*ck up. (Two Notes– First, there are obvious exceptions: brief/discreet/reasonably quiet chats with your friends”¦and/or making time with the person next to you. This rule is more intended for the non-stop jabberers who talk during the entire show (and whose population is distressingly large). Second, the importance of this rule increases proportionally to the intimacy of the show you are attending. Large, loud rock show: not as important (since we probably can’t hear you). Cozy, acoustic-type show: Mandatory).

    Rule #2: Loosen Up, Meat

    –You know this guy, right? He’s standing right in front of you at a G.A. show, likely muscle-bound, and he ain’t moving one inch of his being”¦ except to pound your a** if you keep touching him. Hey Jockstrap, nothing personal”¦ it’s just a little crowded, and oh by the way there’s some music being played that is making every other person in this crowd, you know, dance a little. But sorry for brushing up against you”¦ maybe next concert you’ll get lucky and everyone around you will also hate life and not want to have fun.

    Rule #3: Head Up (or Down) With Your Outbursts

    –See G. Love explanation. Many of us, myself included, are given to cheering/whistling/hollering when we are excited/having fun/drunk at shows. But do your neighbor a favor and point your head up (or down) when cutting loose with your chosen outbursts. Because doing so directly in your neighbors ear? Es muy mal.

    Rule #4: If You Spill Someone’s Drink, You Owe Them a New One


    –Self-explanatory. Kindly ask what you spilled, and kindly hurry up and get them a new one.

    Rule #5: Leave the Accessories at Home

    –This rule applies mostly to crunchy, uber jam-type shows where sometimes fans like to accessorize and become a part of the show. Two prime examples are bringing in shakers to “jam along with the band” and hula hoops. Shakers are just inexcusable. Remember, everyone paid to listen to the band, NOT you and your little sand-filled egg. And if you are over 18 and hula-hooping at a show, I have this little pearl of wisdom for you:

    Q: What’s the toughest thing about hula-hooping?
    A: Telling your dad you’re gay.

    So there you have it, folks. Five simple, easy-to-follow rules that will make EVERYONE’S concert-going experience a lot more fun. Learn it, live it, share it with your friends!

    E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

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    Well, as the tens of you probably heard on the J. Allen/Double A “fill-in podcast” last week, I was on a cruise. No… that’s not “code” for “rehab.” Seriously… it was a cruise. And, contrary to their claims, this was NOT a “big, gay boat ride”… however, someone forgot to tell these guys… seriously… they were on the cruise…

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    In all actuality, it was the “Ships & Dip” excursion featuring the Barenaked Ladies and Guster. Now, I realize that for some of you, my “puss factor” just shot through the roof, but hey, whatever… I’m comfortable in my own skin, dammit… just like the two “seamen” up above there… and there was no way in hell that I was going to miss an opportunity to hang out with two of my “most favortist” bands in the world while cruising the Bahamas. You fucking high? Nope, wouldn’t have missed it for the world and I gotta tell you… I’m glad I didn’t because it was an absolutely REMARKABLE experience. Sure, my requests for interviews where shit on like a prostitute at a Duke Lacross party (yes, I know they were innocent… relax), but all of the other experiences I had on the boat more than made up for that.

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    First and foremost, we (me and the little lady) were lucky enough to have met some really cool people including one couple that said they were “swingers.” I told them that I didn’t realize that the ship HAD a playground on it, but that maybe we could meet there later. Never found that damn playground, though. Oh, we also met a TON, literally, of people who were under the mistaken impression this little boat ride was, in fact, a Jenny Craig “Cruise to Lose” jaunt. I shit you not… as we were boarding, or rather, herding onto the boat, I wouldn’t have been surprised to see Kirstie Alley listed as one of the “entertainers”… or Richard Simmons. In a weird way, I was comforted by the fact that if the boat sank, there were PLENTY of fat people I could use as a floatation device.

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    Man rubbing lotion on BNL fan: Turks and Caicos, 1/17/07

    We also discovered something called “alcohol.” You guys ever hear of this stuff? Wowie wow… good shit! The waiters would bring it right to you. You didn’t even have to move which, as I noted above, was a VERY good thing for some people and a good thing for me as it kept the boat from rocking. Oh, and let’s not forget the AMAZING shows. In fact, the shows I saw with the big boys, especially Guster, rank with some of the best live shows that I have ever seen. No kidding. But the real unexpected treat here, the thing that just pushed this cruise over the top for me, was seeing all of the incredible collaborations between the various artists and getting clued in to some lesser known acts. In fact, I was SOOOOO impressed by some of these bands and how hard they worked on this cruise that I thought I would help them out a bit by telling you a bit about them. Believe me, after all that they gave to me… it’s the least I could do.

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    Now Joe Pisapia doesn’t need me to pimp anything for him because he is doing JUST FINE as one of the members of Guster. He’s the “New Guy,” if you will. But before Joe joined the band, he made an outstanding solo disc that I think you guys should check out called Daydreams.

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    I respect the hell out of Joe Pisapia because he is an artist driven more by the act of making music and being appreciated for it than he is by fame and fortune and that attitude shines the brightest on Daydreams. Borrowing equal parts from Dylan and Davies, Daydreams is an entertaining collection of multi-layered songs that reveal more and more each time you listen. The instrumentation and arrangements are sublime and the lyrics are both touching and poignant, especially on tracks like “River Song” and “Dancing Partner.” I was fortunate to catch Joe’s “solo” performance (on stage with him were members from Oakhurst, who we’ll get to in a minute, BNL and, of course, Guster) on the ship, during which he played most of Daydreams. I can honestly say THAT performance was EASILY my favorite moment of the cruise and his heartfelt rendition of “Dancing Partner” literally brought the little lady to tears. It was THAT moving. You know, I kid around A LOT on this site, but I’m not kidding when I say that there are times when you are watching a show, and I’m sure many of you have experienced this, when the chemistry on stage is so mesmerizing, you get swept away. This was one of those moments. Simply amazing. I highly recommend Daydreams. It’s folksy and mellow, but it is an outstanding album and well worth your time.

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    Another band that impressed the hell out of me was a band from right here in Denver, Oakhurst. Oakhurst easily gets the award for “Hardest Working Band” on the cruise as these guys where, literally, EVERYWHERE. Whether they were picking their way through a set of their highly entertaining, bluegrass infused folk-pop or lending support to the other bands and their various side projects, members of this band worked constantly. In fact, I heard that these guys (A.P. Hill on vocals/guitar, Johnny Qualley on bass, Adam Smith on guitar, Chris Budin on drums and Zach Daniels on banjo) paid their own way onto the boat just to get a little exposure and at the beginning of the cruise had NO set gigs. Obviously, they didn’t just impress me because they were a part of virtually every show, so take that for what it’s worth. Again, Oakhurst’s music is a bit on the mellow side, but this is a great group of guys and they are all exceptionally talented musicians so stop by and show them a little love at www.myspace.com/oakhurst.

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    And last, but definitely not least, is Jason Plumb. You see Jason is a bit of a contradiction in that he looks like a trucker… the kind with a dead hooker in the back of the refrigeration unit… but has this voice that is just remarkable, especially when you consider the source. When I first saw him hit the stage, I was honestly waiting for him to let loose with a mighty “Breaker, breaker… c’mon back now!! This is Hooker Hauler… what’s your 20??” Of course, some of you may know Jason as the ex-lead singer of the Canadian band, The Waltons. You may also know him from his numerous producing credits or from some of his soundtrack credits. I didn’t know any of this. All I knew his last album, 2003’s Under and Over, was produced by Ed Robertson, of BNL fame, and is a very understated and passionate affair. The songs on the disc are disarming in their honesty and immediately accessible. Great stuff, all around. Additionally, I gotta say that Jason was one of the coolest people that I met on the ship. Check him out at www.myspace.com/jasonplumbandthewilling.

    UPCOMING RELEASES. . .

    ARTIST TITLE GENRE
    Allen, Lily
    Still Alright POP
    Beats International
    Let Them Eat Bingo POP
    Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
    Some Loud Thunder ROCK
    Clarke, Gilby
    Gilby Clarke ROCK
    Connick, Jr.,Harry
    Oh, My Nola POP
    Dead Voices On Air
    From Labrador To Madagascar ROCK
    Deftones
    Saturday Night Wrist ROCK
    Diabolical Masquerade
    Nightwork POP
    Disincarnate
    Dreams of the Carrion Kid POP
    Dodsferd
    Fucking Your Creation (2 CD) ROCK
    Downlord
    Random Dictionary of the Damned POP
    Early Years, The
    The Early Years ROCK
    Edenbridge
    Grand Design, The ROCK
    End of Destiny
    Thoughtless Existence, The POP
    Everscathed, The
    Razors of Unrest POP
    Gandalf
    Gandalf II ROCK
    Grave Digger
    Liberty Or Death ROCK
    Greylevel
    Opus One ROCK
    Hart, Roddy
    Bookmarks ROCK
    Horna
    Aania Yossa ROCK
    Howe, Catherine
    What A Beautiful Place ROCK
    Jones, Norah
    Not Too Late POP
    Khallice
    Journey, The ROCK
    Khymera
    New Promise, A ROCK
    Kirchen, Bill
    Hammer Of The Honky-Tonk Gods ROCK
    Koz, Dave
    At The Movies POP
    Lane, Lana
    Gemini ROCK
    Look Down
    24/7 Dance Force POP
    Loureiro, Kiko
    No Gravity ROCK
    Love Me Destroyer
    The Things Around Us Burn POP
    McPhee, Katharine
    Katharine McPhee POP
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    Back To Mine POP
    Necrodemon
    Ice Fields of Hyperion POP
    Nelly
    The Prelude RAP
    Neurosonic
    Drama Queen ROCK
    Nikki Puppet
    Puppet On A String ROCK
    Norlander, Erik
    Hommage Symphonique ROCK
    One for the Team
    Good Boys Don’t Make Noise POP
    Pain Of Salvation
    Scarsick ROCK
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    Veto! POP
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    Wish I Had You ROCK
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    Nostalgic for Right Now POP
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    Jesus Price Supastar RAP
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    Mythmaker ROCK
    Smitty
    Voice of the Ghetto RAP
    Static Thought
    In The Trenches ROCK
    Sylvian, David / Nine Horses
    Money For All ROCK
    T.I. & P$C
    In Da Streets RAP
    Ta’Raach & The Lovelution
    The Fevers RAP
    Taylor, Lewis
    Lost Album, The Pop
    The Roadside Graves
    What Happened To Him Could Happen To Anyone POP
    The Sneakers
    Nonsequitur Of Silence POP
    Theatre of Hate
    Ten Years After POP
    Trail Of Tears
    Existentia ROCK
    Traveling Wilbury’s
    Strumming Wilbury’s POP
    Tristania
    Illumination ROCK
    Trucks, The
    Trucks, The ROCK
    Turner’s, Nik Sphynx
    Xitintoday ROCK
    Valient Thorr
    Legend of the World ROCK
    Warm In The Wake
    Gold Dust Trail ROCK
    Webster, Chris
    Something In The Water ROCK
    X-Clan
    Return From Mecca RAP
    Yorkston, James
    The Year of the Leopard ROCK
    Young Dro
    Young and the Restless RAP
    Young Love
    Too Young To Fight It POP
    Young Stally
    Young & Flashy RAP
    Youth Group
    Casino Twilight Dogs ROCK
    Yung Ro
    Go Hard Texas RAP

    Well… there you have it folks. Thanks for hanging in there and, until next time, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud!!

    Send sexual inuendos, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:
    M.C. Bell
    P.O. Box 1222
    Arvada, CO 80001

    E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

  • QSE News: 1/25/2007

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    Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

    • qsnews.jpgKid Rock is putting together a new album that he hopes will hit stores this year. Rock, who partially blames the character of Borat for the end of his marriage with Pamela Anderson, has enlisted the help of Rick Rubin to assist with production duties. The new album will likely continue to further Rock’s unique blend of Rock “˜n Roll and suck.
    • Writer/Director Mitchell Lichtenstein, whose debut horror film, Teeth, just hit the festival circuit, is already making plans for a sequel.  The movie, which centers around a woman who attacks men with the tiny teeth in her vagina, is generating huge buzz amongst viewers.  When asked where he got such an idea, Lichtenstein said that he “saw that picture of Britney Spears [EXPLETIVE DELETED]” and thought that “it just looked hungry.”
    • Insiders are reporting that Nicholas Cage is the leading contender to play musician Liberace in a new biopic.  While this may seem like odd casting, the two do have several things in common – Cage is known for action movies such as The Rock and Con Air where his characters kick ass whereas Liberace was a flamboyant piano player who… well, you finish the joke.
    • The National Restaurant Association is asking Nationwide Insurance to pull the plug on a planned Super Bowl ad featuring Kevin Federline.  The non-gun toting NRA claims that the commercial, which features Federline working as a fast food cook, is demeaning and unpleasant to restaurant employees.  Nationwide released a statement defending the ad stating “working in a fast food restaurant is not nearly as demeaning and unpleasant as actually being Kevin Federline.”
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    That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

    (Compiled by J. Allen)

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  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 1/25/2007

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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    • For look at one of the most talented up-and-coming cartoonists I’ve come across, check out the work of Emmy Cicierega… (Thingamabob)
    • Jim Steinman has a blog. Yes, that Jim Steinman…. (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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  • QSE News: 1/24/2007

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    Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

    • qsnews.jpgReports are coming out of Hollywood that director M. Night Shyamalan is having a hard time finding a buyer for his new movie, Green Planet.  Insiders say that every studio has turned the movie down, although Fox is said to be “considering” it.  Studio executives insist that the script isn’t bad, they just can’t spell or pronounce Shyamalan’s name correctly and are sick of confusing him with the doo wop group Sha-na-na.
    • The Oscar nominations have been announced with the Eddie Murphy vehicle Dreamgirlsleading the pack with a whopping eight nominations. Surprisingly, at least to those outside of the Jewish community, Mel Gibson’s Mayan epic, Apocalypto, was overlooked primarily because, as one Academy voter put it, there is no Oscar for “Best Portrayal of a Lying, Misogynistic, Anti-Semitic, Alcoholic Dick.”
    • A reunited The Police are rumored to be appearing at this year’s Grammy Awards in February. Grammy organizers are hoping that the audience will remember that Sting wasn’t always a wussie, easy-listening musician and that he was, in fact, in a post-punk rock band.
    • In continued reunion news, James, the band that had the mega-hit “Laid,” is reuniting for a string of shows in the UK. It’s rumored that the band will be performing songs from its entire catalog, with “Laid” being the only song that anyone will recognize.
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    That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

    (Compiled by J. Allen)

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  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 1/24/2007

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

    ————————————————

    • National Gorilla Suit Day is still coming… You have been duly notified… again… (Thingamabob)
    • Would you like to turn your car into one from Cars? Here’s how… (Thingamabob)
    • Oh, those magnificent Norwegians in their driving machines… (Thingamabob)
    • Go listen to episode 8 of Jordan, Jesse GO! Do it NOW!… (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

    ##

  • Party Favors: R.E.M. Sleep

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    CLEVELAND – Once again the losers that control the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame have chosen a few names out of the nearly 100 groups that deserve such an honor. While it’s nice they named Patti Smith and Van Halen, how can they not slide in Iggy and the Stooges? Where’s Thin Lizzy or Kiss?

    What’s outrageous is the inclusion of R.E.M.

    R.E.M. does not deserve the honor on the first ballot. I’m not an original hater of the band. One of my prized records is an original Hibtone 45 of “Radio Free Europe.” I hung out backstage with them during the Fables of the Reconstruction Tour. But R.E.M. has been running on their reputation fumes for nearly 15 years. When was the last time you really wanted to hear Monster? Is “Shiny Happy People” really Rock and Roll? Or a lost Soupy Sales single?

    R.E.M. started out as that scrappy jangle pop band that challenged the bloated rock dinosaurs. But 25 years later, they are the rock stars they hated. Peter Buck’s antics on the airplane weren’t part of that awe shucks movement. It was a Tommy Lee moment. A lawyer has asked me to avoid any mention of Michael Stipe’s ventures. Beyond their personal lives, is the group’s recent recording history. R.E.M. has done more damage than good for the music industry. Everyone loves to rag on Axl Rose and how much he’s cost his label to create the still not released Chinese Democracy. Allegedly the costs topped $12 million before the label stopped picking up the studio bills. R.E.M. signed a 5 album contract that pays $80 million. That’s $16 million per record that Warners has to pony up. And the three records they’ve turned over to Warners have sold half a million copies each in America. They’ve produced Glitter three times for Warners. Yet nobody gives Stipe the same crap that Axl gets for outrageous costs. When Chinese Democracy comes out, it will sell as much as Up, Reveal and Around the Sun combined. Which isn’t that much a number.

    How many Warner acts have been screwed because of R.E.M.’s outrageous contract and pathetic returns? There’s only so much pie on the dessert cart and it seems earmarked for Athens, GA. How many people had to eat Ramen noodles because Up went down? Rock is dead and R.E.M. killed it.

    It’s not even like the R.E.M. catalog sells like Steve Miller. You’re more likely to hear them on The Simpsons than your radio dial. They had their glory days in the early 90s, but so did Hootie and the Blowfish.

    At some point, R.E.M. should go into the Hall of Fame. But are they first ballot? No. If they were up for the Baseball Hall of Fame, they’d be sitting next to Mark McGwire. They’re the Ken Griffey, Jr. of baseball. But ultimately R.E.M. got elected for that single reason that matters to the Hall – rubes willing to pay thousands of bucks to eat rubber chicken and watch two songs. I doubt during their induction we will be reminded how they’ve made $48 million on three records that hardly anyone hums on the subway. We’ll hear about their charitable ways and noble causes, but there’s no greater charitable person than the guy who has to cut the $16 million check to Buck, Mills and Stipe.

    SNARK THE CRAP BOX

    Shame on the living members of The Clash for allowing Cingular to use “Rock the Casbah.” One of the defiant power songs of the ’80s has been reduced down to two goofs arguing if it’s about rockin’ the cashbox or the catbox. Remember when the Clash had a rebel dignity to their ways? Now they’d rather be jokes of the Western World. This is worse than when their music was used to pimp Jags and booze. At least those ads tried to make their subjects as cool as the songs. The Cingular advertisement is pure dork. Is this Mick Jones’ revenge on the late Joe Strummer?

    Someone needs to be publicly executed for Target’s butchering of the Beatles’ “Hello Goodbye.” I’ve always enjoyed Target’s use of songs in their ads. They’ve got better taste than any Clear Channel robotron programmer. But all that good will has been pissed away when a woman sings, “Good Buy” while products flash across the screen.  Why? Why did they have to inflict damage on a song? I’d expect this from Wal-Mart or K-Mart. Not Target. What’s next? “The Crazy Eddie on the Hill?” “I Am the Half-Priced Walrus?” “IKEA’s Norwegian Wood Suite?”  SNL‘s Sold Out Gold continues.

    SMELL THE SUCK

    If the first big sketch on SNL is MTV 4, turn the channel. The show is bound to suck if this piece of filler is considered “A” material.

    SEC CAVUTO

    The Magic 8 Ball says “It Is Certain” that Fox’s business maven Neil Cavuto will be splitting the network to be Secretary of the Treasury for presidential candidate Mitt Romney.

    Even though Neil is in the process of setting up the Fox Business Channel, he’s been cultivating his relationship with Mitt. The ex-Gov. is a favorite guest on his My World show. By 2009, the network should be online and Cavuto will be ready to jump to D.C.  Fox Chief Roger Ailes has let his employees know that if they split the network to serve a GOP president, they can always come back.

    The Magic 8 Ball confirms that Neil can’t give up the shot at being the man whose signature is on the U.S. dollar. Expect to see more Mitt exclusives on Fox News in the coming two years.

    BLACK LIKE HE

    Larry Wilmore, known for his black perspective moments on Comedy Central’s Daily Show, deserves his own show. The man has me howling with every visit. His take on Martin Luther King Day was gold. Why don’t white folks feel guilty if they don’t spend George Washington’s birthday reading about the Father of Our Country?

    YUMMY LENTILS

    Kudos for E!’s The Soup host Joel McHale getting to be a judge on Iron Chef America. Damn shame he got stuck on “Battle Lentils.” I can’t help but remember Neil and his lentils on The Young Ones. But Joel put the insanity into the US version that is essential to enjoying the Japanese version. His best line was telling Chef Mario Batali that he’d order an entree without even using a coupon.  The folks at the Food Channel need more off the wall judges on the show instead of foodsie owls. Book Larry Wilmore, now!

    HOW LONG IS TODAY?

    Why doesn’t NBC just change its name to TodayBC? A fourth hour of Today Show is coming up. That means local stations can have a whole hour of programming before it’s time to start the noon news. And then in some markets the evening news starts at 4 p.m. Does every station want to turn into CNN & Fox News? What’s the point of being a sick kid when all that’s on TV at home is the news? If you want to hear people talk crap you don’t understand, why not go to school? Whatever happened to gameshows with Nipsy Russell?

    Soon all NBC will be is Today Show, Law & Order and Deal or No Deal. Guess that keeps Jeff Zucker’s life simple. Maybe they’ll have a crossover episode where joggers outside 30 Rock have to figure out which suitcase has the body.

    NBC has proceeded to destroy cable TV with their crappy programming philosophy of “Marathons are the bestest!” While it might be nice to have Bravo on my cable box, their schedule seems loaded with marathons of Top Chefand Project Runway. You’re better off just waiting for the DVD sets to come out. Who needs Bravo when you can just play at home with Netflix?

    WORST FATHER OF THE YEAR

    Down in Raleigh, there’s an annual tradition of The Christmas Carol being put on by Ira David Wood. It’s the big family entertainment moment of the season. Now you might not know Ira David Wood, but his daughter is Evan Rachel Wood, star of Thirteen. She’s now being accused in the scandal rags of alienating the affection between Marilyn Manson and Dita Von Teese.

    It must be great to wake up knowing that your daughter is sleeping with a rumored drug addict, washed up aging shock rocker who dumped his hot fetish model wife after less than a year of marriage. Here’s a tip, after she and Marilyn visit your house, replace the toilet seat. Don’t spray it with Scrubbing Bubbles. Yank it out and screw fresh plastic down to the bowl. Or better yet, just replace the entire fixture. And sterilize everything in the house with a flame thrower.

    I apologize to the parents whose sons are now on I Love New York.  At least your kids aren’t sucking face with a nostalgia act.

    How could a girl who grew up performing clean family shows find herself attracted to Manson? I blame her father. All those years she was backstage at A Christmas Carol, she probably developed a fetish for the creepy Ghost of Christmas Future. He’s the spooky ghost with the boney fingers, pale face, dark eyes and the black shroudy clothes. Daddy inadvertently put her on the road to meet the man who wrote The Long Road Out of Hell. The trouble is that Manson at this point of his career is more like the Ghost of Christmas Past. He’s got a standing invite to move into The Surreal Life house.

    What really cracks me up is that Marilyn Manson sold himself as Mr. Debauchery. He’s beyond the uptight morality of Bible Thumpers that used to make an effort to picket his show. But yet, he sneaks off and bangs a young gal while his wife stays at home. He’s no better than those losers he disdained from high school that got jobs selling real estate. You’d figure the stories would be how Miss Wood crawled into the bed with him and Dita and a petting zoo and a tub of pudding. You’d expect there to be holiday cards with the two gals wrapped in red ribbons beneath a Black Christmas tree. But no. He’s no smoother than the manager of a Taco Bell in Canton, Ohio that uses the “working late” excuse to bang a community college drop out cashier.

    Who are we supposed to idolize as evil anti-heroes in America when Mr. Antichrist Superstar has to pay for a divorce lawyer like KFed?

    BURNING PUCKS

    When will the New Jersey Devils make the greatest trade in the history of sports to get Miroslav Satan? Now Satan is playing for the Islanders – so at least he’s ruling in a Hellhole. Can the folks in the Meadowlands not see how much cash they’d get from Satan’s Devil’s jersey? I’d buy one and I hate Jersey (screw you, Scott Stevens). Pull the trigger and give the Dark Lord his moment at the rink. You’ll move product.

    DRINK UP

    If actors who had small roles in The Sopranos and Law & Order played each other in softball, it might look like Beer League (out on DVD).  This is about a bunch of folks who love to drink and play softball. The film stars Artie Lange, so you know this is not family entertainment.

    It co-stars Ralph Macchio as Artie’s sober buddy. How does the Karate Kid play second bill to Howard Stern’s chuckle buddy? It would have been better if the producers had begged Ralph to pull a Raging Bull and pack on 100 pounds to take the lead. Hopefully this movie will get Ralph a little more attention so that he can become a regular actor on Law & Order.

    Anthony DeSando is hilarious as Artie’s nemesis. When he prances around in his Speedo while directing Artie where to mow his yard, you almost buy this film as a comedy. Seymour Cassel also gets a laugh now and then as Artie’s coach. Not to be missed is porn veteran Keisha as “the Pitching Machine” during the bachelor party.

    Perhaps this is supposed to be Artie’s version of Ernest Borginine’s Marty. But there’s less meat in this film. Artie’s best acting moments involve him sucking down booze. He has a natural chemistry with shot glasses and beer mugs.  While the film is far from Oscar-worthy, it’s more entertaining than Beerfest and Benchwarmers. Don’t watch this movie sober.

    The bonus features should be outtakes from an upcoming episode of Intervention. It’s amazing how much they cleaned up Artie to act in the film versus how he appears during his press tour. Oddly enough, no clips from Artie plugging the movie on Howard’s radio show.

    BRING ON THE VICE

    I’m stoked to see seasons 3 & 4 of Miami Vice coming out on March 20th. These are episodes I didn’t watch since they aired when I had an actual social life and didn’t linger around the dorms on Friday nights. I’m told that this is when they blew up Sonny’s black faux-Ferrari. I don’t know if I can handle such a tragic sight. Does anyone know if Philip Michael Thomas sings in these episodes. Why isn’t he in the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame with Don Johnson? Jann Werner once said that Don Johnson was a “Rock & Roll star” on the cover of the Rolling Stone.

    Coming out on DVD at the end of the month is the sixth and final installment of Benny Hill’s Thames series. These are episodes that never aired in my neighborhood so it’ll be interesting to see how Benny’s final days played out. The sad part is there was no farewell episode since the rat bastards at Thames sacked Benny after an episode, without warning.

    Lucky Louie, Louis CK’s HBO series gets the complete series package. It’s a shame that they pulled the plug on the show. I’ve sent out questions to Louis CK to plug the DVD, but he hasn’t responded. However, porn legend Keisha replied to my questions about her ping pong ball work in Beer League:

    No, I can’t really do that, the a.d. was down by my pussy throwing the balls by hand. But it was really fun to be in the movie.

    Kisses,
    Keisha

  • QSE News: 1/23/2007

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    Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

    • qsnews.jpgPam Anderson is fighting mad over a proposal by the U.S. Postal Service to honor Colonel Sanders with a stamp.  The “finger-licking good” PETA hottie has fired off an angry letter to the Post Master General stating her displeasure. We here at QSE News would like to congratulate Miss Anderson for taking a stand against an issue that is important to her, and for actually spelling “KFC” correctly.
    • This year’s Razzie Awards nominees have been announced, and leading the way with seven nominations is the film Basic Instinct 2. The Razzie Awards honor the worst Hollywood has to offer each year. After Sharon Stone was notified that she had been nominated, she promptly dusted off her vagina in preparation for her acceptance speech.
    • Actress/Model/Frustrated Participant In A Butt Kicking Contest Heather Mills is denying reports that say she has settled her divorce with former Beatle, Sir Paul McCartney.  It was leaked that the pair had come to an agreement that Mills would receive a settlement that totaled 63 million dollars, including two mansions.  Mills representatives stated, emphatically, that these reports are simply not true adding “if you REALLY knew (Mills) you’d know that she would never settle for this because she simply can’t survive on such a piddly amount.”
    • The Australian band Crowded House is reuniting for a new album and a subsequent tour this Spring. The band will play both new and old songs as they try to let the audience know they did not sing “Who Can It Be Now” and “Down Under.”
    • Actress/singer Mandy Moore recently told Jane Magazine that she is suffering from depression. Moore plans to counteract her depression by becoming even more rich, even more popular and even more good looking. “If that doesn’t work then I’ll just start doing drugs and banging everything that moves”¦ like my good friends the Olson Twins,” said Moore.
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    That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

    (Compiled by J. Allen)

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  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 1/23/2006

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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    • National Gorilla Suit Day is coming… You have been duly notified… (Thingamabob)
    • “While My Guitar Gently Weeps,” on ukulele… (Thingamabob)
    • A live Rutles montage, featuring Neil Innes and John Halsey… (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 1/22/2006

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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    • How to ruin a day, Vehicular Category… (Thingamabob)
    • Flight of The Conchords sing “Business Time”… (Thingamabob)
    • A hi-res version of that freakin’ creepy Orville Redenbacher ad… (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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  • QSE News: 1/22/2007

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    Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

    • qsnews.jpgFamous animal killer and rockstar Ted Nugent offended several people at an inauguration party for Texas Governor Rick Perry. Attendees of the party were upset by Nugent sporting a confederate flag t-shirt and spouting racially charged comments about non-English speaking people. More people were originally offended by the comments until they realized they were in Texas.
    • Several prominent American Muslim groups are protesting the TV show 24 because of the show’s portrayal of Muslims. The show features a Muslim terrorist organization carrying out attacks on United States soil. Producers of the show said they only used Muslims as the “bad guys” because Richard Simmons was unavailable.
    • In celebrity baby news, Keri Russell has announced that she is pregnant.  Russell, best known as the title character on the show Felicity, has vowed to never, ever let her child get a haircut.
    • After watching an early cut of Spider-Man 3, Sony executives are so impressed that they are already in negations with David Koepp to write a fourth movie.  In order to appeal to a younger audience, Koepp plans on introducing a new, all CGI sidekick – Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham.
    • And finally today, according to sources close to the band, Rage Against the Machine may be reuniting for this year’s Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival. With the news of a possible reunion, several large corporations including Starbucks, Pepsi and Nike have been contacted to sponsor the band’s set at singer Zach de la Rocha’s request”¦ because he’s broke.
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    That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

    (Compiled by J. Allen)

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  • Scrubs Blog: My Musical – Part 2

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    VIDEO BLOG #74: “The Debra & Stephanie Show: Part 2″ ““
    Since the Guest Star of this week’s musical episode, Stephanie D’Abruzzo, is married to Quick Stop’s own “Oooooh Shiny” columnist Craig Shemin (and he just so happened to be on set during filming), we asked Craig to contribute a guest blog – which he did, with the help of Stephanie and Debra Fordham, the writer of the episode. This is part 2 of a 2 part blog about “My Musical” – be sure you check out Part 1 HERE.

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    Download Scrubs Video Blog #74:

    • Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 186.83 MB)
    • Small (320 x 240 – QuickTime – 81.19 MB)

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  • QSE News: 1/19/2007

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    Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

    • qsnews.jpgFirstly today, GLAAD, Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, is demanding an apology for alleged anti-gay slurs made by Grey’s Anatomy star Isaiah Washington. The comments were directed at Washington’s costar T.R. Knight, who has recently announced that he is gay. Washington maintains that he was simply asking Knight for a bundle of sticks.
    • Kevin Federline will appear in a Super Bowl ad poking fun at his own celebrity. In the ad, Federline will go from a famous rap star to a fast food worker in a moment illustrating how quickly life can change. In related news, Federline has an interview with Burger King next Friday at 3 pm.
    • Actor Timothy Olyphant has been cast as Agent 47 in the movie version of the hit video game, Hitman.  Twentieth Century Fox, the studio behind the film is hoping that Hitman will deliver the same movie magic that other video game films such as BloodRayne, Alone In The Dark and Super Mario Brothers, have seen in recent years.
    • NBC has announced the network will not be brining back the soap-opera Passions.  Grandmas across the country are extremely upset and would plan a strike if they could remember where they put their good “pickitin’ shoes.”
    • And finally, in a sad bit of news, singer Pink is reported to be devastated after her beloved bulldog, Elvis, passed away.  The dog, which was fond of swimming, was found by the singer floating in her pool.  Those close to Pink reveal that Elvis did leave a suicide note, claiming he “couldn’t take the embarrassment of being Pink’s dog anymore.”
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    That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

    (Compiled by J. Allen)

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  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 1/19/2006

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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    • Another of Derren Brown‘s wonderful tricks of the mind, this time with a hypnotized Robbie Williams… (Thingamabob)
    • View Zombie Redenbacher with your own eyes… (Thingamabob)
    • A little slice of Dave Gorman’s fantastic Googlewhack Adventure(Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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  • Weekend Shopping Guide 1/19/07: Doo-Dah

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    The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

    It’s stated numerous times throughout both the documentary and critical review that comprise 2/3 of The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band: The Complete Nutter History of The Bonzos (Classic Rock Legends, Not Rated, DVD-£19.99), but there really has not been so engagingly witty a band both before or, sadly, since the Bonzos far too brief reign of lunacy in the late 60’s. From covering classic 78s of the 20’s & 30’s like “My Brother Makes The Noises For The Talkies” and “Jollity Farm” to crafting their own pop classics like “I’m the Urban Spaceman,” the Bonzos could do it all – and they did, under the musical aegis of the late Vivian Stanshall and the very much still with us Neil Innes. This 3-disc set features the aforementioned in-depth documentary and critical review of the Bonzos output, as well as the BBC edit of their recent 40th anniversary reunion concert featuring guests like Stephen Fry, Phill Jupitus, Paul Merton, and Adrian Edmondson (you can also purchase the complete, unedited version separately). There’s also loads of bonus material and rare television appearances that provide a perfect primer for the uninitiated, or a wonderful keepsake for the Bonzo fan. And while we’re on the subject of that 40th anniversary concert, you absolutely must pick up the 2-disc companion CD of the event, Wrestle Poodles… And Win! (Classic Rock Legends, £9.99).

    Meanwhile, Viv Stanshall fans will be elated to know that the long-awaited DVD release of his brilliant Sir Henry At Rawlinson End (Digital Classics, Not Rated, DVD-$14.99 SRP) has finally (finally!) happened. And not only does the print look better than all of those shoddy bootleg VHS tapes we’ve all subsisted on for years, but there’s also an audio commentary, trailer, and photo gallery. If you’ve yet to see Stanshall’s portrait of the decidedly daft fading uppercrust Rawlinson clan, then now if the time to rectify that oversight in your comedic knowledge.

    Much like the MGM films which saddled the brilliant anarchy of the Marx Brothers with a rather mundane romance plot involving often star-crossed lovers and the comedians as virtual supporting players, so it is in the rarely seen Three Stooges outing Swing Parade. In it, the original Stooges play a trio of waiters in support of a mediocre romantic A-plot – in fact, the Stooges are the only thing saving this from the dustbin. A fully restored black & white print of this flick (also containing a colorized version) is the first outing for Legend Films’ Rifftrax Complete edition (Legend, Not Rated, DVD-$12.99 SRP), featuring a Rifftrax audio commentary from Mike Nelson (with a “super exclusive” edition signed by Mike available exclusively from the Rifftrax site). It’s a nice little package loaded with additional bonus materials, including Stooge shorts and an episode of co-star Gale Storm’s My Little Margie.

    Americans may know him from his infrequent appearances as The Daily Show‘s resident statistician, but UK audiences (and Anglophiles) know Dave Gorman as a brilliantly sharp comedian . For proof, fire up your region free DVD player and snag a copy of Dave Gorman’s Googlewhack Adventure (Channel 4, Not Rated, DVD-£19.99), Gorman’s stage show detailing the internet and serendipity’s hand in scuttling his attempts to write a novel. Bonus features include a live audience Q&A, outtakes, additional inserts, and more.

    Another year, another season of the rejuvenated Doctor Who, as the complete second series (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$99.98 SRP) picks up – literally – just where series one left off, as the good Doctor has regenerated from the gruff, leather-jacketed Christopher Eccleston into the much more dandyish David Tennant. Still on board the Tardis is faithful companion Rose (Billie Piper), and the 14 episodes comprising the season are quite the rollercoaster ride, particularly the re-introduction of the Cybermen. The 6-disc box set features the behind-the-scenes “Doctor Who Confidential” episodes, audio commentaries, video diaries from Tennant & Piper, deleted scenes, in-vision commentary, the “Children in Need” special, and outtakes.

    Terry Gilliam just can’t seem to catch a break. Still one of the most brilliant filmmakers of our time, he’s been dogged by misconceptions, rumors, and a reputation as a fiscally irresponsible, uncontrollable madman. Similar to his decision to follow up the perceived disaster of Baron Munchausen with the Hollywood for-hire gig The Fisher King, Gilliam signed on to do The Brothers Grimm for Miramax after his own The Man Who Killed Don Quixote fell apart. What followed was a production that found Gilliam butting heads with Harvey & Bob Weinstein, as they systematically went about dismantling the team Gilliam had put together to make the film, and questioning his every move. I’m not criticizing the Weinsteins – after all, that’s how they work, and it’s proven incredibly lucrative for them in the past – but Grimm was another story, and it proved to be a difficult, troubled production from start to finish. Thankfully, the story is recounted via candid recollections and diaries in Bob McCabe’s Dreams and Nightmares: Terry Gilliam, The Brothers Grimm & Other Cautionary Tales of Hollywood (HarperCollins, £17.99). Available only in the UK for some reason, it’s a wonderful account of a filmmaker’s descent into the machine.

    While not as beloved as Everybody Loves Raymond, I still have a great deal of affection for that loveable lunkhead of a show, King of Queens (Sony, Not Rated, DVD-$39.95 SRP). Like Raymond before it, the episodes are virtually interchangeable (although the guest star turn from Burt Reynolds as Doug’s old football coach is a real highlight), as this is the very definition of sitcom comfort food. Sadly, the 3-disc set is limited to all 23 seventh season episodes, but nary a bonus feature in sight.

    One afternoon – December 4, 1956, to be exact – a rather historic, impromptu recording session took place. It was a recording session that gathered together four legends on the rise – Elvis Presley, Carl Perkins, Johnny Cash, and Jerry Lee Lewis. This historic session has now been released in its entirety as The Complete Million Dollar Quartet (Sony BMG, $13.98 SRP). It’s rough around the edges – they were clearly jamming – but it’s a must-have artifact of a bygone age of myth and legend.

    Although largely unknown to the American audience, The Royle Family (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$24.98 SRP) has been hailed as a modern classic – and rightly so. Not quite sitcom and not quite drama, it’s the rather intimate, everyday life of the lower middle class Royles – and it’s told entirely within their living room. It’s brilliantly written and executed, and I’m thrilled that the first season is finally available in the US for Americans to discover.

    Mike Judge and Don Hertzfeldt have brought their traveling animation show – comprised of dozens of hand-picked animated shorts from around the world – to DVD. The 2-disc collection of The Animation Show (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$26.99 SRP) contains 31 shorts, plus audio commentaries, galleries, featurettes, additional shorts, and more. Also included is an in-depth booklet profiling many of the creators involved.

    Another of the short-lived, incredibly kitchy Filmation live action “classics” of the 70’s has come to DVD with the release of Space Academy: The Complete Series (BCI, Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP). It’s basically high school in space, with Lost In Space vet Jonathan Harris as instructor Isaac Gampu. The effects featured in the show are surprisingly good considering the budget, due largely to their pedigree – many of the guys were Star Wars veterans. The 4-disc set features all 15 episodes, plus a pair of audio commentaries, a newly-produced documentary, commercial bumpers, galleries, easter eggs, and more.

    24 has returned with a brand new, rather explosive season, and true fans should definitely grab themselves a copy of the deluxe making-of tome 24: Behind The Scenes (Insight Editions, $29.95 SRP). Packed with production details and copious photos, it’s a must have – as is the bonus DVD featuring exclusive interviews

    In My Hero (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$24.98 SRP), Ardal O’Hanlon (late of the magnificent Father Ted) stars as Earth’s greatest, but befuddled, superhero Thermoman, who lives a quiet suburban life as health store owner – and family man – George Sunday. It’s not laugh-a-minute, but it’s certainly a pleasantly quirky series worth checking out. The disc features all 6 first season episodes, plus an interview with O’Hanlon and a behind-the-scenes featurette.

    When the creator of Cracker launches a new series, you’d better believe it’s at least worth a look. With The Street (Koch, Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP), Jimmy McGovern delivers a beautifully-acted, engrossing drama about six neighboring houses in Northern England, and the stories behind each of those seemingly ordinary doors. With a cast that includes Jim Broadbent, Timothy Spall, Jane Horrocks, and Sue Johnston, it’s a must-see. The 2-disc first season features all 6 episodes.

    As much as I loved the first series of Hanna-Barbera figures from McFarlane Toys, they outdid themselves with series 2. Featuring Yogi Bear (with Boo-Boo & Ranger Smith), Johnny Quest, Fred Flintstone & Dino, Magilla Gorilla, Penelope Pitstop & Mutley, Tom & Jerry, and Captain Caveman ($12.99 SRP each), the sculpts are positively giddy-inducing – never have licensed toys for these characters (the ones that have ever even gotten toy releases) looked this good. Also available is a deluxe display of the Flintstone family at the drive-in ($24.99 SRP). Just take a look at the pics below and try to resist buying yourself a set…

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    So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

  • Interview: Stan Lee

    -by Ken Plume

    stanlee-03.jpgIf you’re a child of comic books and Saturday morning TV (like myself), then Stan Lee is instantly recognizable as the creator (with legendary artists such as Steve Ditko and Jack Kirby) of Spider-Man, the Incredible Hulk, the Fantastic Four, Daredevil, X-Men, and many, many more.

    If that list reads like a recent issue of a Hollywood trade magazine, it’s because all of those properties have either gotten – or are about to get – the big screen treatment.

    And Stan, in his 80’s (!), is still a creative powerhouse and one of the hardest working men in showbiz, forming POW Entertainment as his new shingle.

    In addition to the Sci-Fi Channel’s recent hit Who Wants To Be A Superhero?, Stan has also got a pair of films hitting DVD based on his new creations – Lightspeed and Mosaic.

    This isn’t the first chat I’ve had with Stan, and hopefully won’t be the last, as it’s always a hoot.

    Without further ado, my delightful discourse with the dandily dignified (and definitely dear) Stan Lee…

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    STAN LEE: Hello?

    PUBLICIST: Hi Stan… I have Ken Plume on the line.

    LEE: THE Ken Plume?

    KEN PLUME: The Ken Plume…

    LEE: Son of a gun. How are you Ken?

    KP: It’s good to speak with you again…

    LEE: Good to be spoken with. What are we doing this time?

    KP: Last time we spoke I was still working for my old gig, but now I’m running Kevin Smith’s entertainment site…

    LEE: Oh, you finally hit the big time…

    KP: Yeah, I get paid now…

    LEE: That’s great!

    KP: And again, it’s a pleasure to be speaking with you… again…

    LEE: I’m delighted!

    KP: Launching in, my first question would be, when you look at new characters like Mosaic, what is the initial germ of an idea that comes to you? How would you characterize that moment when an idea presents itself?

    stanlee-05.jpgLEE: Well, what I really wanted… I was trying to think of, “What kind of a heroine can I do that hasn’t been done before?” And forgetting the super power for a moment, I thought I’d like to get a girl who’s just out of her teens, and who wants to be an actress, and that’s the big thing. I thought that a lot of girls could relate to that. Most girls at some age want to be actresses or rock stars. And then I figured, “Okay, what super power will I give her?” And it occurred to me that if a girl wanted to be an actress, probably the best super power – the thing she’d most want – would be the ability to take over other people’s personas. To be able to act like other people and look like other people. So I gave her this chameleon-like quality.

    KP: So, for you, the creation of a character is a layering process…

    LEE: That sums it up beautifully.

    KP: How long would you say that the gestation of an idea like that takes?

    LEE: Couple of minutes. (laughing) No, I mean, it doesn’t take as long as it took me to explain it to you. You know, how long does a thought take, really? You get an idea and you say, “Oh yeah, that sounds good,” and then you start writing it.

    KP: How often would you say that you go down blind alleys that don’t lead anywhere?

    LEE: Um… well, I never counted the times. You know, that happens. When you try to think of something, very often you have one two or it could be a hundred thoughts and none of them are right, and you keep thinking and suddenly… now, I don’t know how many things I thought of before I thought of the girl who wanted to be the actress. But all I remember was at one point I said, “She wants to be an actress,” and then everything sort of came together for me.

    KP: Can you remember any point in your career that you’ve had this amazing idea that you’ve developed in your head, only to present it to someone and they went, “But Stan, you already created that.”

    LEE: (laughing) I don’t remember it happening with anybody telling me that, but I remember I myself would get an idea and write it down, and as I’m writing it, I’ll say, “Gee, that sounds kinda familiar!” And then I’ll start looking up some old stories and I’ll say, “Damn, I did this before!” In fact, I’ll tell you how bad my memory is for these things – you know I still write the Spider-Man newspaper script…

    KP: Right. And your brother still does the art for that, right?

    LEE: That’s right. Well, about two years ago, I realized it was time to write another two weeks. So I looked at the last thing I had done, to see where I’d left off, and I spent a couple hours writing the next two weeks. I sent them to my brother, and he said, “Stan, I’ve already drawn these.” What happened was I forgot where I had left off, and instead of going to where I really left off, I went back two weeks earlier, and I wrote the two following weeks, which I had already written. And of course the ones I wrote were different than the ones I had written, ’cause I forgot what I had written so I wrote them differently. Which drove my brother crazy.

    KP: So, in other words, your mind was looking for a shortcut…

    LEE: I guess, I don’t know. What was left of my mind was looking for a shortcut! (laughing)

    KP: When you look at all the characters you’ve created over the years, there’s obviously a large chunk of teenagers, and a large chunk of adults, but there aren’t very many children superheroes…

    LEE: Well, I don’t know. I couldn’t see taking a child – let’s say somebody 9 years old – and having him or her risk his or her life fighting villains. It just didn’t seem right… so no, I don’t really write about little children.

    KP: Is there any character or any idea that has come close to touching on that?

    LEE: Probably, but I can’t remember. I can’t think of any at the moment. Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute… in the Fantastic Four, I had Mister Fantastic and Sue, the Invisible Girl – they had a baby, little Franklin, and I think I always intended to give him some sort of a superpower and have a super-powered kid in the strip. But then I stopped writing the strip, so I never had a chance to do that. Then other writers took over and did whatever it is they do…

    KP: But that was the original intention all along, was to make Franklin super-powered…

    LEE: Yeah… I thought it would be fun to have a superhero family with a kid who had a super power, although I hadn’t decided at the time what super power I would give him.

    KP: And now, fast-forward, you’ve got Mosaic coming out, Lightspeed is coming out…

    LEE: And The Condor is coming out.

    stanlee-04.jpgKP: Which is the collaboration with Ringo Starr?

    LEE: That’s the fourth one. It’s called Ringo at the moment. We may add another word or two to the title, but at the moment I think of it as Ringo. Because when I met him I said, “You know, I’d like to do something to make you famous…”

    KP: It’s gonna be hard.

    LEE: He was so appreciative.

    KP: It’s really a hard task you’ve set for yourself.

    LEE: (laughing) But I’m doing the best I can.

    KP: You’re such a giver.

    LEE: I’m glad you’re aware of that! (laughing)

    KP: So that’s, what, slated for release towards the end of this year?

    LEE: Oh, hell, I never know!

    KP: I think it will be later this year.

    LEE: Yeah, I think it’ll be later this year.

    KP: Obviously, with creation being a job, what do you do for recreation?

    LEE: I do my job.

    KP: I know it’s one of the clichés over the years, that you’ve said numerous times that working really is the end-all be-all for you…

    LEE: Well, it isn’t work. If you think about it, what could be more fun than trying to dream up ideas for stories? I really enjoy doing it. Now, I don’t… it’s funny, I’ve said for years that I don’t enjoy writing. But I think that’s not true. What I don’t enjoy is having to sit down and write. When I have something to write, I will do anything in the world to put it off. I’ll decide, “Gee, I ought to rearrange my bookcase,” or “I think I’ll shine all my shoes,” or “Maybe I ought to brush my teeth.” I’ll do anything not to have to sit down and write. But when I actually start writing, when I finally get myself to sit down and start the writing, I love it. I’m in another world. It’s the greatest thing there is. I hate when there are any interruptions. I mean, it’s just fun, because you’re like a god. You’re killing people, you’re bringing them back to life. You’re deciding, “I think I’ll make this guy fat, I’ll make this one skinny. I’ll make him old. No, he’s too old. I’ll cut 20 years off his age.” I mean, you can do anything!

    KP: So, it’s the whole “god thing”…

    LEE: Maybe that’s what it is. I’m power mad! (laughing)

    KP: Well, you’ve certainly exercised that awesome power with tremendous responsibility.

    LEE: (laughing)

    stanlee-07.jpgKP: You’ve also participated in Kevin’s poetry readings in the past…

    LEE: Yeah, that is the funniest thing. Of all people to have a poetry reading once a year, the last guy you’d expect is my friend Kevin Smith. But his house has many mansions! (laughing) I love that guy, you know? He is really great.

    KP: Have you already prepared your piece for this year?

    LEE: Well, I haven’t been invited yet.

    KP: I would assume you’re automatically on the list…

    LEE: Well, I’d better be! No, I haven’t prepared anything yet. I’ve been threatening for a long time that I might read the entirety of The Raven – the whole thing, from beginning to end. I think that may be what I’ll do.

    KP: Why would that be a threat?

    LEE: Because it’s long! But if that doesn’t drive them all away and make them decide never to do this again, I don’t know what will !

    KP: I would pay money to actually hear that. You should put that up as a podcast…

    LEE: Well, alright then, then I’ve definitely decided that’s what I’ll do. And if you speak to Kevin you can give him fair warning. And also let him start charging for it, and I want half of what you pay!

    KP: Done and done. And I already set aside my cash. I guess something I have to ask about in the last few minutes before we go, just as trivia…

    LEE: Where are we going?

    KP: Well, we only have so much time. You have so many other people to speak with…

    LEE: Yeah, but you’re the one who’s promoting me. To hell with the others. If I’m nice to you, we’ll sell a few DVDs. The others aren’t gonna do me any good!

    KP: Well, you already made me happy saying my name again at the beginning, so anything I can do for you is a fair trade. Recently on the internet, a clip has surfaced of your 1970 appearance on To Tell the Truth

    LEE: That is the funniest thing! Where did that come from?

    KP: That’s the beauty of the internet. It can come from some guy having a tape and deciding to throw it up…

    LEE: Isn’t that… yeah, I just looked at it this morning. I was wonderful! My wife looked at me, and she said, “Gee, you looked so good,” and then she looked at me and said, “What happened to you?” I mean, I’m sorry that they ever showed that! (laughing)

    KP: Well, I have to say you had one of the worst poker faces when they introduced you…

    LEE: Well, I was supposed to give no evidence of who I am and display no personality, just stand there. Which is tough for me, because as you know, I’m a clown and a ham.

    stanlee-08.jpgKP: To anyone actually watching your visual signals, you tipped it off just with that broad grin when they introduced you…

    LEE: You think so?

    KP: When they introduced you and were talking about how Spider-Man was one of the most popular characters in the country, and what a tremendous creative force you are, you had just the biggest, poor Poker-faced grin on your face…

    LEE: (laughing) Oh wow, I didn’t notice. I’ll have to look at it again.

    KP: Was that one of your first appearances on national television?

    LEE: No, I’ve done so many… I’ve done so many interviews on television and radio, frankly I don’t know which the first was…

    KP: Was it a buzz at that point, to get that kind of national recognition?

    LEE: Still is! I love it.

    KP: I can think of no other person who is truly the face of comic books to the average person…

    LEE: That’s really funny. Some people are the face of music, the face of the arts, the face of literature. I’m the face of comic books. I mean, Jesus, it’s the story of my life! (laughing)

    KP: But people dream of that. And look, now you’re working with the face of music – a Beatle. Who haven’t you worked with at this point?

    LEE: I think that Paul McCartney is going to be very angry with me that I’m doing this with Ringo, but hey, I’ll get to him…

    KP: Well, eventually Ringo will cross over with your Paul McCartney comic book, Wings.

    LEE: That’s right! (laughing) Who told you?

    KP: I knew it had to be on the agenda somewhere!

    LEE: The next time we do an interview, remind me to tell you how I met McCartney.

    KP: You definitely have to tell me.

    LEE: It’s quite a story, but I’ll save it for next time… I’ll be sure that you call me again. Are we talking enough Mosaic? Did I advertise that enough?

    stanlee-06.jpgKP: Well, you just did again. And Lightspeed.

    LEE: They’ll get angry at me if I don’t say it. When is it going on sale? I think it’s on sale now.

    KP: It’s on sale now…

    LEE: It’s a hell of a bargain. And everybody ought to go to see it so they’ll have something to criticize.

    KP: And better yet, the best reason of all is to support you continuing to create…

    LEE: That’s right, and continuing to be able to go to Kevin’s house to recite poetry.

    KP: You promised The Raven

    LEE: (laughing) And maybe next year I’ll do the entire script of Mosaic! (laughing) I’ll put it in verse!

    KP: You can put it on a double bill with Wreck of the Hesperus

    LEE: Oh, that’s great!

    KP: Well, as always, it’s been a pleasure speaking with you…

    LEE: Hey, likewise! I’m sorry you gotta go so soon, but I guess you’re busy. You got a lot of other interviews to do…

    KP: Ah, see, now it’s like daggers through my heart…

    LEE: I know how it is.

    KP: I will talk to you…

    LEE: They’ll probably give me hell for not having mentioned Mosaic more often.

    KP: Hey, what about Mosaic?

    LEE: (laughing) It’s on sale now, and it has the greatest cover. You know, the package looks so dramatic. Whoever designed it, oh man!

    KP: And that’s the package for Mosaic, right?

    LEE: For Mosaic, yes – the DVD. (laughing), which we just produced at POW! Entertainment. You know, of course, know what POW stands for…

    KP: Of course…

    LEE: Well, wouldn’t you like to prove it to me?

    KP: I think I would love to hear you say it..

    stanlee-02.jpgLEE: Yes, I thought you would! It stands, of course – and I’m sure our readers will already have guessed it – but it stands for “Purveyors Of Wonder.” POW! And the reason we had to give it that definition is I didn’t want people to think it stood for Prisoner Of War. So, for that reason, I put an exclamation point after it. You see the things you learn when you do these kind of interviews?

    KP: Every time I speak with you, I learn something new…

    LEE: I like to increase your fund of knowledge…

    KP: At one point I think I’ll earn enough brownie points that you’ll say, “Ken Plume: True Believer!”…

    LEE: (laughing) And when you watch the Mosaic DVD, which is on sale now, you learn a lot of new words, like the civilization that’s threatening the human race right now. There’s a special name for it. I’m not gonna tell you that, ’cause I want you to be able to watch it. But all of the people within the sound of my voice can increase their vocabulary tremendously by watching Mosaic, which is now on sale.

    KP: It’s better than buying a dictionary…

    LEE: (laughing) And tell Kevin not to be angry at me!

    KP: (laughing) In fact, I’m going to tell him, A) you’re going to read The Raven, and B) to go buy Mosaic today.

    LEE: Oh, you’re a great human being! We’ve got to do this more often…

    KP: Excellent! I will talk to you soon, Stan.

    LEE: Alright! Thanks a million…

    KP: Thank you, sir…

    ##
  • The Fred Hembeck Show: Episode 87 – A Tale of Two Freds

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    Even though All-Star Comics #3 hit the newsstands a full thirteen years before I was born, I’ve nevertheless harbored a life-long affection for the Justice Society of America…

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    Why, you ask, would this child of The Silver Age feel such a deep connection to those costumed bastions of comic’s Golden Age? Timing, friends, timing!

    Y’see, back in 1961, at the tender age of eight, I had barely begun buying my own copies of DC’s superhero line (Superman #146, with an on sale date of May 4th was the first) when the company released their treasured Secret Origins #1 collection a month and a half later on June 15th (and no, my memory isn’t THAT good – there’s a wonderful section over at the Mike’s Amazing World of DC Comics website that groups each month’s titles from every year the firm’s been in business together sequentially by release date called, aptly enough, The Time Machine! It’s proven to be a fun way for me to relive those grand old days loitering around the comics rack down at Heisenbuttels General Store in Yaphank – and has also shown me that Secret Origins #1 (pretty much the closest thing you could find to a Readers Manual for beginner comic book fans in those days) was merely the 14th DC Comic yours truly ever bought!).

    And included in that landmark issue was perhaps the single most important Silver Age story of all (at least, up to that point in time, with the emergence of a certain foursome still a few months off) – the origin of The Flash. We all remember what Barry Allen was READING early on in that tale, don’t we class? Uh huh – an issue of Flash Comics ! Only, not one featuring the sleek-domed red-garbed speedster we kids were familiar with during the dawning days of JFK’s administration, but rather a fellow adorned with a Mercury-styled helmet dating all the way back to midway into FDR’s White House tenure! I couldn’t help but be curious – who WAS this guy?

    Little over a month later, my question would be answered. July 20th saw the release of my second ever issue of The Flash, #123, featuring the justifiably legendary “Flash Of Two Worlds”…

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    I was immediately intrigued by this Jay Garrick fellow. I liked his looks – nice hat, dude – and the fact that he was already married to HIS romantic interest was a breath of fresh air. Hey, in those days, it only took a few months of collecting to become weary of DC’s woefully overworked snoopy girlfriend shtick! Yeah, THIS Flash didn’t have to pretend to be a slowpoke just to throw off his (seemingly clueless anyway) gal pal the way Barry did “reporter” (hah!) Iris Allen! More please!

    A week later, I got my wish – sorta. That’s when Showcase #34 made its appearance, featuring the debut of the second-generation Atom. All well and good, but to me, clearly the coolest part was the pair of text pages wherein editor Julie Schwartz took the opportunity to explain the genesis of such characters as The Flash, Green Lantern, Hawkman, this newly minted Atom – even the august organization known as the Justice League of America – by revealing to us young ‘uns (via an illustration reproducing the gathered greats sitting around a table as pictured on All-Star #3’s cover) the inspiration behind all our (then) modern day favorites!! Wow! You mean there was an entirely DIFFERENT group of super-heroes saving the world from evil-doers way back before I made MY arrival on the scene – ANY scene? Cool! And since there was absolutely no way I was gonna get my hands on any of those old comics at the time, a sort of romantic, almost mystical quality grew in my mind, surrounding any and all characters from the Golden Age of Comics, but most especially members of the Justice Society.

    Well, after that one-two-three punch, I had to wait nearly an entire year for another glimpse across the fog of time. Flash #129 hit the stores on April 19th, 1962, and not only did it feature the second ever pairing of Barry and Jay (the latter of whom was referred to throughout, interestingly enough, as “the other Earth Flash”, sans numerical designation), but a memorable three page flashback to the JSA’s final adventure as well, bringing such characters as Dr. Mid-Nite and the Black Canary out of limbo for the first time in decades, alongside some of the JLA’s prototypes/dopplegangers! Wonderful stuff!

    Nearly a day to the year, it got even better! Flash and Flash, round three (in Flash #137) found several members of the Justice Society playing a small – yet happily, non-flashback – part in the proceedings as the Crimson Comets took on forties’ menace Vandal Savage for the first – but not last – time in the modern era. At stories end, there was some conjecture amongst the reassembled JSAers about maybe, y’know, getting back together for a little more fun and games! GREAT idea! And WHEN exactly might this much anticipated event occur, I wondered?

    How about nearly two months later, on June 13th, 1963? THAT’S the day the word “Crisis” firmly entered the comic-book lexicon – and as we know all too well, it sure hasn’t left yet!…

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    Was there ever a more majestic cover scene that the one illustrated by Mike Sekowsky and Murphy Anderson (and, like all the other pieces included in this edition of “The Fred Hembeck Show,” lovingly redrawn by your humble host)? Literally emerging from the very mists of the past, this initial meeting of the two Justice organizations spawned an annual tradition of two-part summer team-ups that lasted for over a decade, always the most eagerly anticipated JLA issues of the year for moi!

    (Here’s part two of that first monumental assemblage…)

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    After that, gee whiz, you wouldn’t have supposed it would take very long for the two Lanterns to ring up an adventure together, would you? Well, you’d’ve been wrong – over a full two years later, on August 26th, 1965, DC FINALLY put their two green good guys together in one adventure – and what an adventure it was, too!

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    “The Secret Origin Of The Guardians”, we would learn just over two decades later in the pivotal maxi-series, Crisis On Infinite Earths, was nothing less than the basis for the creation of the entire DC Comics Universe! Gosh, and at the time I thought it was just another piece of pseudo-scientific mumbo jumbo that the company had long had a reputation for churning out – who knew? (The unadorned truth is, as fond as I am of these characters, unlike the contemporaneous adventures of their Marvel Comics counterparts, there’s very little I recall about the actual STORIES, just a certain “feel” that the art – and especially those iconic covers – exuded. The plots, though, never stuck with me the way Stan’s did – sorry Fox fanatics…)

    And then there were the two Atoms, one big (relatively speaking), one small. They teamed up twice – once on December 1st, 1966, when Atom #27 was released, and later (as seen below) in 1968’s 36th issue. (February 1st, 1968 – I just know SOMEONE’S keeping score out there!!..)

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    Nice, but not only was I growing up by then, the novelty of finding JSAers on sixties’ comics racks was clearly fading. (Come to think of it, we never DID get a Hawkman/Hawkman pairing. Mighta had something to do with those two outfits being practically identical…)

    But still, to this day, I have a definite soft spot in my heart (and yes, my head as well!…) for the JSA. That’s one of the reasons I got such a kick out of redoing the classic covers you see above (another reason being was cuz I was PAID to! Quick plug – go here if you’d like to commission me to do up my version of a favorite cover of yours, ANY cover – but be advised: on February 1st, my rates will increase an additional $25 per cover. Still a good deal I’m thinking, but if you’re looking for a bit of a financial break, better hurry!).

    Y’know, I kinda dig Captain America for a lot of the very same reasons DC’s premier super-group so appeals to me, but hey, that’s a whole ‘NOTHER episode, isn’t it now?

    (Oh, and if you’d like to see slightly larger versions of today’s featured Classic Cover Redos, they each have their very own page over at my home site, Hembeck.com . You can access each individually by clicking your mouse over these links: All-Star #3, Flash #123, JLA #21, JLA #22, Green Lantern #40, and Atom #36.)

    -Copyright 2007 Fred Hembeck (Earth Prime version, natch)

  • QSE News: 1/18/2007

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    Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

    • qsnews.jpgGwyneth Paltrow is going to be starring in the new Iron Man movie alongside Robert Downey, Jr. Paltrow is set play a secretary to Downey’s character in the film. To prepare for the role and working with Downey, Paltrow has been spending time in methadone clinics and AA meetings.
    • According to reports coming out of England, Michael Jackson is trying to sell his infamous Neverland Ranch to David and Victoria Beckham. Although interested at first, the couple decided against it when they read the fine print of the contract that stated “Mr. Jackson will have complete access to Neverland Ranch and any children on the premises, whenever he wants.” Victoria also expressed hesitation because the whole place smelled like Bubbles.
    • Jennifer Aniston will be joining former Friends co-star Courtney Cox on the show Dirt. During the episode, Aniston and Cox will play rival tabloid magazine editors.  In related news, former Friends co-star Matt LeBlanc will take any acting job you can give him.  Please?
    • Country singer Keith Urban has completed his stint in rehab and is ready to get back on the road with a short run of shows scheduled in Europe. Although not on the itinerary, Urban plans on making a stop in Amsterdam which he said he may or may not come back from.
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    That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

    (Compiled by J. Allen)

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  • Music For The Masses: 1/18/2007

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    Hey kiddies, Double A here.

    M.C. Bell has packed up and headed away on vacation again and left me in charge of this whole Music for the Masses debacle. Pretty sweet, huh? While M.C. is off on some “cruise” (read: “rehab”), I’ll be fulfilling his commitment to provide you with music oriented entertainment.

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    M.C. (far right) and his “crew” aboard the U.S.S. Spelunker

    While I was thinking about what I was going to do this week, I had several ideas. One was an in-depth look at Kid N Play, kinda like what I did with The Fat Boys a few months ago. My other idea was a podcast. So, after a few days of soul searching, which included three bottles of fine, Canadian whiskey, I finally decided that I didn’t have the patience to actually do an in-depth review. So here’s your podcast!

    Joining me this week is J. Allen from QSE News as we let you in on all the albums we’re looking forward to in 2007. Now don’t worry, we do take this opportunity to make fun of M.C. Relentlessly. So there you have it. Enjoy![CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast, much like the column you have been reading, contains foul language, horribly off-color jokes and more unsettling discussion of that nature. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

    DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
    Music For The Masses: Episode 2 (MP3 format) ““ 12.62 MB

    Send assorted hate mail and review copies to:M.C. Bell
    P.O. Box 1222
    Arvada, CO 80001

    E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 1/18/2006

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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    • Vic Reeves on QI, discussing proper astronomical pronunciation… (Thingamabob)
    • The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band on New Faces in 1966… (Thingamabob)
    • And after seeing this rare promo, if Sgt. Pepper’s was a real band, it probably would have looked and sounded like The Bonzos… (Thingamabob)
    • And now, a walk through the Canyons of Your Mind… (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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  • QSE News: 1/17/2007

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    Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

    • qsnews.jpgFirst, the alternative rock group Arcade Fire will be headlining a show in a Canadian school cafeteria. When first approached, the band was hesitant to accept the show but quickly decided to do the gig when they found out it was pizza day.
    • Eddie Murphy has won a Golden Globe for his role in the musical Dreamgirls. According to friends and family, Murphy celebrated by spending a nice quite evening out on the town with a transvestite.
    • It looks as though TRL (which stands for Total Request Live) on MTV (which stands for Music Television) is nearing the end of its run and may soon be canceled. An MTV representative said “No one watches MTV for music. We haven’t shown a full music video since 1989. Today, shitty little 16-year-olds watch MTV to see other shitty little 16-year-olds treat each other like shit.”
    • The Sci-Fi Network has announced that it has given the green light to a new Flash Gordon series to begin airing in July.  The series will be a contemporary re-telling of the classic comic strip and radio show.  To keep the spirit of the original series and movie, producers will keep the homoeroticism intact allowing for a whole new generation of boys to be sexually confused by bare-chested men wrestling over a spike pit.
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    That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

    (Compiled by J. Allen)

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  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 1/17/2006

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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    • More from Derren Brown’s wonderful tricks of the mind, “Invisible Man”… (Thingamabob)
    • A video which just goes to show that you can never be truly prepared to be a parent… (Thingamabob)
    • They have made a zombie out of Orville Redenbacher… Will no one stop them? (Thingamabob)
    • And here’s how the man should look… (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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  • QSE News: 1/16/2007

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    Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

    • qsnews.jpgThe American fashion industry has released a list of recommendations aimed at promoting health among models. To ensure the list is understood by everyone in the fashion industry, it will be drawn in crayon and feature pictures of “bad things” (like heroin filled syringes) with big red lines through them and frownie faces next to them.
    • Starting this past weekend and continuing through March, producers of the Sci-Fi Channel’s Who Wants To Be A Superhero will be traveling around the country looking for new reality show hopefuls.  Contestants will be asked to dress up as a hero of their own creation and give a synopsis on their beliefs and virtues.  Much like the first season of the show, contestants will run around in spandex doing heroic deeds while the rest of America watches a different channel.
    • After a longer than expected break, HBO has announced that the critically acclaimed series, The Sopranos, will return for the second half of it’s final season on April 8th.  During the final nine episodes, viewers will see resolutions to a number of story lines.  To coincide with the premier, the State of New Jersey is planning on making the day a state-wide holiday.
    • American Idol survivor and country music superstar Carrie Underwood will be heading into the studio next month to work on her sophomore album. When Faith Hill heard the news she immediately through her hands up in the air and said “what the {EXPLATIVE]? {EXPLATIVE] that chick! I mean seriously you guys!” The moment was caught on video and will be available on YouTube later this afternoon.
    • Rapper and soccer aficionado The Game commented on David Beckham’s new American assignment by saying “I’d kick David Beckham’s ass on any given day.” The Game had to later retract the statement when he found out that soccer was a sport and not a term for cooking and/or smoking cocaine.
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    That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

    (Compiled by J. Allen)

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  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 1/16/2006

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

    ————————————————

    • The amazing Brit mentalist Derren Brown freaks out a supermodel… (Thingamabob)
    • And then does a piece on subliminal influence… (Thingamabob)
    • The late Iwao Takamoto draws Fred Flintstone… (Thingamabob)

    Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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  • Nocturnal Admissions: Thoughts on Children of Men and Apocalypto

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    Dana Stevens at Slate has an interesting article finding linkages between Mike Judge’s Idiocracy and Alfonso Cuarón’s Children of Men.

    Well, I happened to watch Children of Men again last night and I was suddenly struck by its resemblance to Apocalypto.

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    Consider this. Both are “journey” films. Both recount the actions of a man striving to save or rescue a pregnant woman. Both culminate in a hellish vision of a civilization in its death throes, charged with garish and even incomprehensible emblems of humanity reduced to an animal level. And both films end with images of a ship arriving, offering either hope or hints of further disaster.

    Apocalypto pregnant

    Any student of cinema knows that films bearing such similarities arriving at the same time is not unusual. There are broad coincidences, such as Volcano and Dante’s Peak arriving near simultaneously, and there are more subtle coincidences, such as a resemblances between Children of Men and Apocalypto (and Idiocracy). Meanwhile, The Nativity Story, most obviously, and Pan’s Labyrinth also concern themselves wholly or in part with the protection of an unborn child.

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    Obviously it’s the zeitgeist. In this post 911, post Guantanamo world, we are affected every day by terror alerts, long lines at airports, and a general climate of suspiciousness, that leads to a fear of others and a terror of what unjust mishaps could happen to ourselves.

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    But both films also have a religious component, which many viewers are not going to find as part of their zeitgeist. It’s unclear how extensively Gibson’s retrogressive conservative Catholic sect rules his life but his films certainly traffic in suspicions about the fate of people or cities that get lost upon the true way (there is also a homoerotic undercurrent, too, that goes back to his first directorial effort, The Man Without a Face, way back in 1993, but that is a whole other column). Meanwhile, Children of Men is a form of nativity story, with several in jokes. The young mother pretends for a second that her birth is virgin, and, like Saint Francis, Clive Owen’s Theodore Faron attracts animals to his side. However, ultimately Cuarón’s film pulls its punches, unlike the much different source book, which is more allegorical and comes down harshly against such things as euthanasia and other “liberal” and unChristian policies. People running to the book after an enthusiastic experience with the movie may be startled by what they find there.

    Children of Men war

    In any case, there’s the coincidence between Children of Men and Apocalypto. I’m not sure of its full implications, but something is going on out there and even our filmmakers, who dwell in protected living quarters far from the rude hubbub of the street, are feeling it.