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By Joshua Jabcuga
July 3, 2003“Forget the jars of Vaseline
Dead on Arrival - 2 out of 5 Bullets
Life Is Killing Me by Type O Negative
Peter Steele and his bloodsucking Brooklyn goth compatriots in TYPE O NEGATIVE return with their latest effort, Life Is Killing Me. With a title like that, my job here can’t get any easier, since the listening part couldn’t have been any more difficult, or at the very least, any more disappointing. This album killed me.
Let’s get one thing straight before I proceed to bash this album, and yes, make no bones about it, I hated this album. I’m a TYPE O fan, but there’s not much to like here. And that’s about as nicely as I can put it. This group used to have a bit of an edge to it. They even put out some memorable efforts such as October Rust and Bloody Kisses, albums that for some reason, many people feel that they are too good to listen to. But those are interesting albums and worthy additions to anyone’s collection. I believe that TYPE O NEGATIVE is extreme sounding enough to merit their place in a Squib Central column. Their latest release, however, isn’t even worthy of the used CD bins that they’ll surely fill in another week or two.
Life Is Killing Me gets off to a promising start. “I Don’t Wanna Be Me” is catchy as all hell, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this track garnered some national radio airplay. Even with the typically depressing Steele lyrics such as, “When you’re at his wake/ Don’t go there to mourn/ But to celebrate,” you can’t help but want to take this song with you for one of those summer rides with the windows down and the volume jacked up.
“I Like Goils” has a great sound to it, with Johnny Kelly on drums and the underrated Kenny Hickey on guitar, but the lyrics are beyond silly. If you know anything about TYPE O NEGATIVE, you know that they don’t take themselves seriously, which is a good thing when some of your most well known hits are about “your girlfriend’s girlfriend” and Black Number 1 hair dye, but “I Like Goils” is an utter embarrassment. I’d call it a lame joke but there’s nothing remotely funny about it. I’m not sure who this song is supposed to appeal to, but it’s, well, I’ll let it speak for itself:
“I Like Goils” by Type O Negative from Life Is Killing Me
Hey rich-bitch boy I’m not gonna be your queen
You can drool, beg me and hope
There’s no damn way I’m playing drop the soap
I know I’m strange but I ain’t no queer
So take your rage and disappear
But I’m proud not to be PC
I like goils
Bad goils all over the world
Now I don’t know whose ass you’ve licked
No shit-tongued boy will ever taste my dick
“How ‘bout no sex – we’ll just be friends”
Hey no thanks Pal, I’ll stick to lesbians
A sexist pig, I guess it’s true
(I hate all men including you)
I don’t care what you think of me
I like goils
Bad goils all over this world
I’m quite flattered that you think I’m cute
But I don’t deal well with compacted poop
If my views make you annoyed
You’re just jealous I don’t have hemorrhoids
To make it clear that you can’t bone me
My tattooed ass reads “exit only”
I don’t care much for sodomy
I like goils
Bad goils all over the world”
I’ve got a good sense of humor, and I believe that there really isn’t too much off-limits these days, and this includes one’s sexuality. But really, this is just pointless trash. And it’s just not funny; it’s outright cheesy. Sorry to go off on a tangent, but if I sound like I’m mad, it’s because I’m furious. Do the lyrics offend me? Not at all. I wouldn’t even begin to take them seriously. I’m not gay, and while I don’t think that really matters, what bothers me the most is that I wasted fifteen bucks on this piece of boring, elementary level tripe. I want Roadrunner Records, or Peter Steele himself, to personally refund my money, and the money of everybody else out there that wasted their cash on this.
I’ve read in an interview with Peter Steele that he wrote “I Like Goils” in response to all the men approaching him to autograph copies of the PLAYGIRL issue that he posed in. People used to criticize Eddie Vedder for not knowing how to deal with his newfound fame, but at least the PEARL JAM frontman wrote some incredible music in reponse to it. “I Like Goils” is no “Corduroy.”
The album does have one or two highpoints that remind you of why Type O Negative can be a great band at times, such as “IYDKMIGTHTKY (Gimme That), which stands for “If You Don’t Kill Me I’m Going to Have to Kill You”. The rest of the album boils down to nothing more than a game of “spot the SABBATH riff.”
It’s time for Peter Steele and TYPE O NEGATIVE to reconsider their approach. It’s tired, and I get the impression that they don’t care anymore, or at least, that’s the way it sounds. So why should we care?
Granted, if the formula works, sometimes changing it can spell disaster, just ask Coca-Cola, or as some people will say, ask RADIOHEAD. But good or bad, TYPE O NEGATIVE aren’t taking any chances artistically. And their trademark sound that they painstakingly crafted one coffin nail at a time has grown insipid. This band is capable of so much more.
If you have any of their other vastly superior albums, or even Sabbath Bloody Sabbath for that matter, there’s no need to waste your money on this misstep. You’ll kill yourself for buying it.
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