After a very long hiatus I’m once again glad to say to everyone hello, I’m the Doctor. I’m here to hel… Wait, no, that’s not right. 

I knew it would take a lot to get me to come out from my self-induced coma of “I’m too busy” to start writing again about the wonders the idiot’s lantern holds. After watching the mid-season finale of The Walking Dead I was finally poked and prodded enough to sit here and put my digital pen to paper. 

Let me say up front that I’m kind of upset with The Walking Dead for taking seven episodes to come up with an installment that I finally felt was worth my time. Don’t get me wrong, I like the show, however it has been pushing the limits of my patience. There’s been a whole lot of talking this season and a whole lot of walking. There hasn’t been a lot of action, though. A lot of this season had been the equivalent to the fishing scene from last season where Andrea and Amy compare their childhoods. There’s something going on for us to watch but it doesn’t endear me to the characters and it doesn’t move the story along. That’s been almost this entire season for me thus far.

What I consider to be a great example of this show not really going anywhere this season was the episode where Daryl was horse tossed into the river and had delusions of Merle. Somewhere during that spill Daryl went nuts and had his inner Merle tell him he was soft and needed to, in essence, nut up. Having your inner Merle lecture you somehow makes you go crazy and make a zombie ear necklace. So what happens when you heal up? Apparently you just get grumpy and not a whole lot else. So what was the point of it all?

Imagine my surprise and delight when the last episode finally had action, conflict, dilemmas and interesting revelations. Shane started to surface more as the savage survivalist that he’s been coming into. Rick had to acquiesce to Hershel in order to keep his group safe and Dale had to face off against Crazy Shane. This episode was like we had Walking Dead light for six episodes and suddenly we were given Walking Dead concentrate.

Now’s the point where I get really spoiler-y so if you still haven’t caught the episode come back later. 

Knowing that we were up against a mid-season finale we all knew there was going to be a shocking revelation and the most obvious would be that Sophia was now a zombie. It made perfect sense that she would be because she’s been gone for six episodes and regardless of how scared and lost she may have been it just doesn’t make sense that she would keep wandering further away. If she were a zombie she’d move even slower, right? So where was she?

The obvious answer to that question is that she would be in the barn. I never thought zombie Sophia would be in there because I figured someone would have spoken up about the fact that there was a little girl in there as well as the other town folk they knew so she couldn’t be in there. When she come shuffling out right after the zombie shooting game was played out I screamed, “Bullshit!” and started getting resentful at such non-sensical and blatant audience manipulation. 

Thankfully I watched The Talking Dead and my anger was quickly cooled because Robert Kirkmann, writer of the comic and show, explained to me the one simple line that I missed.  Hershel tells Rick that it was Otis, the guy that Shane shot in the leg to make him a zombie buffet, was the one who used to pull the walkers out of the muck. Otis was caught up in the effort of trying to save Carl’s life and made zombie chum before anyone had a chance to talk about missing Sophia. Had Shane worked with Otis to escape rather than offing him then our rag tag group may have had known a lot sooner the truth. 

The other thing those last ten minutes did was to actually make us sympathetic to the zombies of the show. Rick’s gang had no problem sinking rounds into the heads of the barn walkers when they hadn’t known them when they were alive, but the moment poor innocent ex-Sophia came shuffling out the entire group froze. They couldn’t take action because in that moment they finally saw things from Hershel’s viewpoint. Everyone didn’t see another walker, they saw the little girl they’ve been searching for. In that moment they forced Rick to have to clean up their mess in a bizarre parallel to the opening scene of the first season.

So now we wait until February to find out the ramifications of Shane’s actions. Based on the first half of this season I’m optimistically cautious of the second half of the season. I’m hoping they give us more than five mediocre episodes and one bang up season finale. Who am I kidding, I’ll be watching every single episode regardless.

–Will Wilkins really likes to write about TV and also talks a lot on NetHeads over at SModcast.com

I realized today that in the nearly three years that I have been writing TV Or Not TV I have never sat down and given my thoughts on the performances of the American Idol contestants. I am in no way a music critic so instead of trying to decipher the talents of these contestants I thought it might be interesting to just jot down some notes on each of the performances and see what happens. 

Jacob:  I just can’t stand the way he sings. Spent the entire performance cringing. My wife says he has a Luther sound but he just sounds like a gospel choir performer trying to step out of the crowd into the spotlight and I still don’t get how he’s still here. 

Haley: Really channeled Janice Joplin on stage. Backup singers were too loud in the mix. Who is responsible for mixing the audio?The band/backup is always out of whack.

Casey: Tapped into his inner Fogerty in a way I didn’t expect. Could record a CCR cover album and go platinum right now. 

Lauren: Her performance was solid but safe. This isn’t the part of the competition where solid and safe is enough. Especially when you’ve got Pia to compete with. 

James: There are performances that in their subtlety tell a greater story than an over the top power anthem. James has usually done the latter but his control and emotion tonight showed he is a true performer and not just a one trick pony. 

Scotty: As a long time Elvis fan I thought that Scotty’s performance was great. I had my doubts that he would make it very far in this competition and he has dispelled every one of them as he effortlessly moves through each genre. 

Pia: Yes she’s a talent. She’s a contender and another Pia performance knocked it out of the park. My biggest complaint is that it was another Pia performance. Eventually if every performance is the same, even when great, they can seem commonplace. 

Stefano: Usually his performances grate on my nerves but tonight was his best performance. It’s just too bad he is a performer that is surrounded with many other greater performers. 

Paul: I don’t understand how Paul has made it this far in the competition since his performances always seem lacking compared to most of the other contestants. Now that we are down to the final nine he better hope his charm with the ladies is enough to get him the votes he needs to stay after this week. 

In case no one was able to pick up on Randy’s subtleties apparently every contestant is “in it to win it.” So glad to know that these kids actually entered a contest with the intention of competing. 

So now that my note taking exercise is done the real question is who will be going Thursday night? The bottom three should be Lauren, Stefano and Paul because their performances just aren’t as strong as the other contestants. If performances were the only concern in the voting these would be the bottom three. There is no way to accurately predict the voting habits of the American teenager however so I just don’t know how things will really shake out. 

Here’s what else is out there for tonight’s TV viewing.

FOX – 8:00 PM: It’s the AMERICAN IDOL results show where anything literally can happen. Between CASEY nearly collapsing on stage and an appearance by HULK HOGAN its pretty clear that there’s a big bowl of random they just keep making stuff happen from.

SLEUTH – 8:00 PM: The only reason I can imagine why SEMI-PRO is on the SLEUTH network is because of the mystery surrounding why this film was ever made.

NBC – 8:30 PM: A new episode of PERFECT COUPLES is tucked away nice and snug in a night surrounded by repeats on NBC. I bring it up because KYLE BORNHEIMER could read the phone book and make me laugh.

SYFY – 9:00 PM: If you never caught the show TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES but always meant to watch it than you are in luck if you tune in to SYFY tonight. The pilot and subsequent ep air back-to-back. The only bad thing is that newcomers may be confused if they watch TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES which airs prior to the pilot.

FOX – 9:00 PM: BRENNAN has to work with a forensic podiatrist to match up dismembered feet with their bodies on tonight’s BONES. I’ve worked for 30 minutes trying to come up with a joke like something about having two left feet to no avail. I should have just waited for the other shoe to drop (BAM! Came up with one.)

FX – 10:00 PM: ARCHER is on. Do I really need to say more than that?

Prior to the start of the fall TV season one of the shows I was able to pre-screen and write about was NO ORDINARY FAMILY. I had high hopes for the television show because I am, for lack of a better term, a geek who loves me the super powered people.

The first half of the season for NO ORDINARY FAMILY was a super hero tale with family drama undertones. The lives of the STEPHANIE (Julie Benz) and JIM (Michael Chiklis) on the super hero portion of the show while DAPHNE (Kay Panabaker) and JJ (Jimmy Bennett) showed us the difficulties in dealing with a new level of teen angst from having and hiding super abilities. The blend was mildly entertaining for the first few episodes but the “freak of the week” super villain had already been played out to the extreme with SMALLVILLE and BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER so it was sometimes painful to watch the stories unfold when we’ve already seen them done in a superior way.

The latter part of the season started to see the show shift to a full-blown super hero show with a shifted focus and a greater exploration into the forces of evil that were at work behind the scenes. Instead of just STEPHANIE’s boss DR. KING (Stephen Collins) being the master manipulator we were introduced to a still unnamed character played by Lucy Lawless who is more sinister than DR. KING and isn’t very happy with the things that he’s been doing in his city.

The use of Lawless just screamed stunt casting to me but I can’t blame the show runners. Trying to cash in on the geek chic is a smart move since Lawless was previously connected to BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, a show whose core audience might also be potential NO ORDINARY FAMILY fans. Of course Lawless was introduced the same week that they GALACTICA’s Tricia Helfer guest star as well.

Truth be told the tonal shift of the show probably isn’t going to be enough to save it from the ultimate of TV super-villains, the television executive. The show premiered to decent numbers but has sagged ever since. Confidence in the show cold easily be perceived as low when the final order for episodes was cut down to 20 from the standard 22-24.

With last nights season finale we can only hope for the best since this may be the last episode of NO ORDINARY FAMILY ever produced. Just as Julie Benz promised via her Twitter account , “all your questions will be answered… And then you will have more questions!”

By the finale’s end we knew how the POWELL’s were able to have their powers permanently where others were not, we knew who the real big bad was and we were given a possible new direction should the show be picked up for a new season. The possibilities of a renewal, however, aren’t looking very super.

Here’s what else tonight has to offer.

FOX – 8:00 PM: Tonight on AMERICAN IDOL the remaining nine finalists compete to songs in the ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAME. Someone please tell me once again how these theme nights can show you just how good of a future pop star someone will be?

DISC – 9:00 PM: Tonight the MYTHBUSTERS return and they try to do the… uh… impossible… as they tackle the believability of MISSION IMPOSSIBLE MASKS!

TLC – 9:00 PM: Strap on your padding, tape up your hands and get that mouth guard in to prepare for the premiere of EXTREME COUPONING! It’s couponing… to the EXTREME!

FOX – 9:30 PM: REAPER’s BRET HARRISON returns aside CHRISTIAN SLATER in the new FOX comedy BREAKING IN. Fans of SMALLVILLE may be interested to see former LEX LUTHOR MICHAEL ROSENBAUM with one of the silliest faux-hawks ever to grace a head of hair (yes he has HAIR!).

OXYGEN – 10:00 PM: Tonight is the series premiere of TORI & DEAN: sTORIbook WEDDINGS. Now the couple are wedding planners and I’m sure it is going to be completely TORIble.

BRAVO – 11:00 PM: TOP CHEF MASTERS premieres with new show host CURTIS STONE.

It’s been quite a few years and even though I’ve had a lot of time invested in it I’m just not sure that I want to continue my relationship with THE OFFICE.

As many of you have heard by now STEVE CARELL is leaving the hit show to pursue whatever it is that he is going to pursue. In many ways I think knowing this information ahead of time has really gotten in my way of trying to passively watch a show that is meant to be passively watched. I spend my time watching plot details unfold and start over-analyzing what is going on. I start to look for the under-current being set-up for the upcoming departure and I begin paying too much attention. THE OFFICE wasn’t meant to be analyzed. It’s mental chewing gum, not Shakespeare.

First and foremost THE OFFICE is a situation comedy. It isn’t meant to be scholarly, it isn’t going to be intellectual. A good sitcom is meant to distract and entertain and allow me to sit there mindlessly taking in the entertainment. This has been taken away from me as I’ve noticed a change in the dynamic of the show this season. When I watch the show I get the impression that we’re seeing far less of MICHAEL SCOTT and a lot more of the other people in THE OFFICE. This shouldn’t be a big deal however it is something that feels contradictory to the formula I’ve grown accustomed to. I’m used to an absurd MICHAEL SCOTT main plot and an office worker sub-plot playing out. This season I’ve felt that dynamic has been flipped and it really takes me out of the moment.

With CARELL’s departure I’ve also been analyzing the show in too deep a fashion trying to see if the writing had any foreshadowing of the reason behind MICHAEL SCOTT’s departure. I know this is a silly type of thinking since this show isn’t written by the team from LOST or by JOSS WHEDON, but the fact that the guy is leaving means that they would have to come up with the scenario why he was going. There wasn’t anything that was obvious in the early episodes but in my opinion the writing has been on the wall since they re-introduced MICHAEL’s former and now once again burning flame HR specialist HOLLY. I now wouldn’t be surprised in the least if the reason why MICHAEL were to leave was to follow HOLLY wherever she was going. I also really hope that this is the reason why MICHAEL SCOTT leaves THE OFFICE because the romantic in me is always rooting for true love.

About mid-way through this television season I discovered that CARELL’s departure wasn’t going to come at the end of the season but would come near the end. There’s going to be a few awkward week’s of people filling in for the departed office manager. I know I’m going to stick around to at least say good-bye to MICHAEL but the weakness in the last few episodes make me wonder if the magic isn’t already gone from this long running show and after MICHAEL SCOTT is gone we will have seen the man behind the curtain and all of the magic will be gone for us from the all-powerful Oz.

Now that I’ve said my piece on THE OFFICE let’s see what else is on tap for the week ending in my 40th birthday, shall we?

MONDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: Those into THE BACHELOR finally get to see if BRAD actually chooses a girl this time.

NBC – 8:00 PM: Hello ladies. Try to enjoy ISAIAH MUSTAFA tonight on CHUCK as he starts as the super spy your man could smell like.

FX – 8:00 PM: Part of me is a little embarrassed to admit that I really liked the TINA FEY movie BABY MAMA.

TUESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: It’s finally time for sectionals on GLEE and the show ventures into unknown territory as they perform original music. The cynic in me thinks this is an attempt at them not having to pay royalties out the nose for the inevitable soundtrack.

NBC – 8:00 PM: The teams on THE BIGGEST LOSER get merged and they compete to see who can make the lowest calorie meal in 30 minutes. This one screams CURTIS STONE appearance.

ABC – 9:00 PM: It’s the season (series?) finale for V tonight as ANNA tries to trick out her daughter to TYLER. Those space lizards really know about good parenting.

FOX – 9:00 PM: Everyone gets down to writing out their will’s and JIMMY has the difficult choice of bestowing guardianship of hope in his absence on RAISING HOPE.

WEDNESDAY

ABC FAMILY – 7:00 PM: Please, no one tell my daughter that there’s an airing of BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA followed by BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA 2 tonight or I guarantee that’s all I’ll be watching. Really, there’s money involved if you don’t let this one out.

CBS – 8:00 PM: It just feels hollow and empty on SURVIVOR: REDEMPTION ISLAND now that RUSSELL is out of the game.

FOX – 8:00 PM: I know you don’t need this column to tell you that there’s a new AMERICAN IDOL on tonight so instead let me warn you that it’s two hours of listening to half-talents scream sing with a few stars shining in the mix.

ABC – 8:30 PM: I can’t put my finger on what exactly it is that I’ve been enjoying about MR. SUNSHINE but it has at least made me not miss COUGAR TOWN so I guess that’s saying something for it, right?

THURSDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: THE BLACK EYED PEAS continue their “We’re appearing on every show” tour as they perform on tonight’s elimination episode of AMERICAN IDOL.

NBC – 8:00 PM: There’s a baby shower for SHIRLEY tonight on COMMUNITY and I’m sure CHANG won’t do anything to make it uncomfortable. Also the entire NBC lineup tonight is new except for THE OFFICE so now we’ve got that out of the way.

FOX – 9:00 PM: Tonight on BONES there’s a blizzard, a blackout and a viral outbreak. Is the guest star tonight the four horsemen of the apocalypse?

BRAVO – 9:00 PM: KATHY GRIFFIN returns to BRAVO with a new stand-up special 50 & NOT PREGNANT. Catch it now because her stuff is topical so you’ll want to get it while its fresh.

FRIDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: Tonight is the series finale of SUPERNANNY to which I have to say, “This show was still on the air?”

BRAVO – 8:00 PM: Did you miss last night’s airing of KATHY GRIFFIN: 50 & NOT PREGNANT? Here’s a second chance at it.

FOX – 9:00 PM: If you’ve been wondering where exactly this universe’s LINCOLN LEE is than you have to look no further than this week’s FRINGE to find out. I can’t wait to see how they explain that OLIVIA doesn’t recognize him.

SATURDAY

TNT – 8:00 PM: If you haven’t seen the KILL BILL saga then TNT is giving you a chance to see both volumes back-to-back. I’m not sure if this will be a TV edit of it but if so I hope the watered down version is as entertaining as the uncut.

SCIENCE – 10:00 PM: Repeat or not I just can’t get enough of AN IDIOT ABROAD.

BBCA – 9:00 PM: Even though all of this third season has been good, tonight’s episode of BEING HUMAN is by far one of the most compelling. The return of HERRICK was nothing that I expected and what transpires is just engulfing. I don’t think I blinked the entire time.

NBC – 11:30 PM: I’ve tried so very hard to forget this episode of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE hosted by JEFF BRIDGES. Why oh why did they have to bring it back?

SUNDAY

FX – 8:00 PM: Following up an airing of IRON MAN with X-MEN: THE LAST STAND is like following up a thing of beauty with X-MEN: THE LAST STAND.

HBO – 9:00 PM: After five seasons we finally see what the future holds for the HENRICKSON‘s as the BIG LOVE series finale happens tonight.

A&E – 10:30 PM: Let me tell you something Fish, if you’ve been missing your T-BAG fix than you won’t want to miss this week’s episode of BREAKOUT KINGS since the con that’s gone is none other than Theodore Bagwell of PRISON BREAK fame. Now just take a hold of my pocket…

Usually when I sit down to write this column on a Sunday (yes, it is published Monday so heaven forbid I actually do something in advance) I’m sometimes left wondering exactly what to write about it. Thanks to an outstanding episode of SATURDAY NIGHT LIFE this past Saturday night I am thankful to the TV spirits because after watching it from the DVR this Sunday morning I have a column that I’m pretty sure will write itself.

I was looking forward to this past week’s SNL because it was being hosted by Jesse Eisenberg. I admit I was looking forward to Eisenberg himself but I was also looking forward to the fact that an actor was hosting that wouldn’t get in the way of the writers and might bring some positive feedback to the writing process. Eisenberg seems to be the type of actor that comes off as a simple, if not somewhat neurotic, talent that more than likely wouldn’t intimidate the writing staff. The past three installments of the show (Jeff Bridges, Jim Carrey and Gwyneth Paltrow) have been extremely hit or miss (Carrey a complete miss for me and Bridges came off as almost disconnected in a “Why am I doing this?” performance) but I found myself extremely entertained by nearly every skit that Eisenberg was in. The best of the skits, which you probably won’t find on-line thanks to music rights issues, was the DON’T FORGET THE LYRICS skit which literally brought me to my knees with laughter (I was standing in the kitchen making breakfast for the family at the time). I highly suggest anyone who wants a good laugh to find even the poorest of YouTube rips of this skit before NBC forces them to be taken down.

The item that naturally is getting all of the big headlines is the fact that FACEBOOK creator Mark Zuckerberg, who EISENBERG has received an Oscar nod for portraying in THE SOCIAL NETWORK, actually dropped in to the opening monologue. This was not only an outstanding surprise for us the audience but it also broke us out of the typical and almost predictable type opening monologue that we’ve been handed lately. This was a great move for Zuckerberg since it helps to show the public that he isn’t the character portrayed in THE SOCIAL NETWORK and he actually has a sense of humor about the whole thing. Regardless of the motivation it really helped to make the monologue enjoyable. The only thing I wish was that his presence at the close of the show hadn’t been so awkward.

If you didn’t see the opening I’m referring to the good folks over at HULU make it really easy for you to take almost all of the show in (with the exception of that stellar DON’T FORGET THE LYRICS skit).

Now let’s set my Eisenberg adoration aside and get down to the real nitty-gritty of this week’s TV offerings!

MONDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: Tonight’s episode of CHUCK was originally intended as a season ender before NBC came through with a full season pickup. Everything has been building up to this point so if you’re a CHUCK fan I don’t even need to tell you to be watching this tonight.

ABC – 8:00 PM: Tonight on THE BACHELOR they head to Vegas because that’s just the type of place you go to find true love.

CBS – 9:00 PM: CBS continues the SHEEN stalling with a repeat of TWO AND A HALF MEN.

SYFY – 9:00 PM: There was enough in the first two episodes of BEING HUMAN to get me check it out one more week.

TUESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: Another GLEE-peat tonight reminds us just how this show put the HORROR back into ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. Seriously, this was bad.

NBC – 8:00 PM: All of the contestants are reunited on the ranch on tonight’s episode of THE BIGGEST LOSER. No more anonymity and I’m sure game play will come out hardcore.

FX – 8:00 PM: What does it say about the night when I view one of the best options on TV is a cable-edited version of STEP BROTHERS?

LIFETIME – 10:00 PM: Want to know what things are really like in a maternity ward? See the blessed moment and some of the embarrassing ones on ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE.

WEDNESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: Please forgive me for the following admission: I’m really enjoying STEVEN TYLER on AMERICAN IDOL.

FX – 8:00 PM: OK, really, where’s all the new TV? I’m looking at a cable cut of TROPIC THUNDER and thinking it sounds like a good idea tonight.

A&E – 9:00 PM: After seven seasons even DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER resorts to a clip show as they look back at their most memorable catches.

ABC – 9:30 PM: COUGAR TOWN is the only new sitcom in ABC’s comedy Wednesday line up. See what I’m saying?

THURSDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: I really want to recommend tonight’s episode of COMMUNITY because I love the show but I just haven’t been feeling it for the least two episodes. Will tonight pull it out?

ABC – 8:00 PM: Why do I like WIPEOUT? Show titles like HOCKEY PUCKS AND BIEBER FEVER.

FOX – 9:00 PM: Tonight on BONES the body that’s found is dressed as a scarecrow in a cornfield. This simple idea terrified me as a child.

FRIDAY

THE CW – 8:00 PM: SMALLVILLE finally returns after it had a week delay at the hand of the most nasty of villains: network executives.

NBC – 8:00 PM: The family tree docuseries WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? returns as we once again get treated to seeing why the famous even have ancestors cooler than we were.

CBS – 9:00 PM: Ever wonder what the top ten of the SUPER BOWL’S GREATEST COMMERCIALS would be if people voted? Tonight you get your answer.

ABC – 10:00 PM: BARBRA “buzz kill” WALTERS comes out with another special tonight titled A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH where she interviews celebrities and their brushes with death. What an uplifting way to end my work week.

SATURDAY

BBC AMERICA – 11:00 AM: TOP GEAR all day. Again I say TOP GEAR all day. That is all.

SCIENCE CHANNEL – 8:00 PM: There is nothing greater than KARL PINKERTON in AN IDIOT ABROAD. If you haven’t seen this than you are in for a treat because it’s three episodes airing back-to-back-to-back.

ABC – 9:00 PM: For a while I was worried that SHREK THE THIRD would be just a lackluster final installment in the SHREK series. Thankfully it wasn’t.

NBC – 11:30 PM: No you aren’t having a flashback to the 90’s, DANA CARVEY is hosting SNL tonight.

SUNDAY

FOX – 6:00 PM E / 3:00 PM P: I can’t wait to watch it all and talk about the greatest moments of SUPER BOWL XLV. You know that I’m talking about the commercials. There has to be at least one stand out one this year, right?

ANIMAL PLANET – 6:00 PM E / 3:00 PM P: Don’t know what to do with your infant during the big game? Use that other TV to put on the PUPPY BOWL. Maybe you can even put it on in a picture-in-picture window.

FOX – 10:30 PM E / 7:30 PM P: It’s the super big post-game GLEE. Yeah, they put GLEE on after the SUPER BOWL. This programming makes just a bit more sense than trying to sell wrestling to the Oprah Network.

Now that I have seen two episodes of the Showtime original series EPISODES I have to say that I can’t wait to see the other five episodes of EPISODES.

The premise of the show is very simple and, even though I’ve never been in the actual television business, I’m sure it is also very real in many ways. The highly persuasive and extremely over-complimentary network president MERC LEPIDUS (John Pankow) approaches SEAN and BEVERLY LINCOLN (Stephen Mangan and Tamsin Greig) right after their show LYMAN’S BOYS has dominated the BAFTA Awards. He has to have their show and he promises they’ll have to do very little work to make the show more accessible to the American audience for lots and lots of money. SEAN is seduced at the idea and he convinces BEVERLY it would be great for their careers.

The very first episode is about establishing the situation that the rest of the season will be playing from. Time is needed to both set up the situation as well as let us get a glimpse of the absurdity that is to come. In a clever way to hook us in to wanting to see this story to completion our first few moments of the episode are spent in the present where we are shown how the experience of trying to adapt LYAMAN’S BOYS for the US has torn SEAN and BEVERLY apart. After these scenes play out we are told “Seven weeks earlier…” and our story cuts to the aforementioned BAFTA awards.

I don’t want to go into how quickly this dream gig that the LINCOLN’s think they have begins to spiral out of control. I really think it would do the show an injustice to try to describe them as they are much better experienced rather than discussed. I do have to note, however, that one bit of subtle comedy that I love is provided by MYRA (Daisy Haggard) who is the Head of Comedy Development for MERC’s network. MYRA has the same awkward scowling smile on her face, one that makes it appear that she is being attacked on the inside by her own sinuses, and it is present in every scene that she is in. Her face was so twisted by this pained look that I almost didn’t recognize Haggard from her appearance in this last season’s THE LODGER episode of DOCTOR WHO (my only exposure to her being this side of the pond).

One of the reasons that EPISODES is getting alot of press is because it is the return of Matt LeBlanc to television since his FRIENDS spin-off JOEY went off the air. LeBlanc plays MATT LEBLANC, a fictional version of himself. In the first episode we only see him for a few moments and by episode’s end we find out how he will be seen further in the show. LEBLANC’s performance in EPISODES for me is quite the highlight since he plays this fictional version of himself with a level of sincerity I wasn’t expecting that he blows up within moments of expressing. With the content of the show this proves a level of humility that LEBLANC must have as some parts of the show are not kind to him. LeBlanc proves however that he’s not Joey, he’s just an actor looking to work which is something he does very well in EPISODES.

As I’ve eluded to before EPISODES only has a seven episode run on SHOWTIME on Sundays at 9:30 PM. Be sure to catch it while you can.

Now let’s see what is available this week for our viewing pleasure.

TUESDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: Tonight on THE BIGGEST LOSER the unknown trainers are revealed even though clever Netizens have already figured out who they are.

THE CW – 8:00 PM: It’s the final few episodes of LIFE UNEXPECTED in a two hour send-off far too soon for this show.

ABC – 8:00 PM: JIM worries he may have to reveal his secret when the police station is taken hostage on NO ORDINARY FAMILY. A DIE HARD style plot already?

NBC – 10:00 PM: SARAH freaks out over the gift-paper sales target DREW has to hit on PARENTHOOD. If she thinks that is bad she’d collapse under GIRL SCOUT COOKIE pressure.

WEDNESDAY

DISCOVERY – 7:00 PM: The MYTHBUSTERS SUPERSIZED SPECIAL is so huge it had to be moved to an hour before prime time!

FOX – 8:00 PM: Yes, it was unavoidable… the beast that is AMERICAN IDOL is back with a cast face lift. J-LO joins RANDY JACKSON, I don’t know who the other new chick is. Oh, sorry, that’s STEVEN TYLER? His face and the GOLDEN GLOBES are all the evidence you need to know plastic surgery is bad, mmmkay?

ABC – 9:00 PM: CLAIRE and PHIL are caught… um… well, the kids try to surprise them with breakfast in bed on tonight’s MODERN FAMILY. ’nuff said?

NBC – 9:00 PM: Tonight on CHASE… oh who am I kidding? No one’s watching this.

THURSDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: More auditions and more of me not giving a $#it on AMERICAN IDOL.

NBC – 8:00 PM: Tonight we get to see SHIRLEY’s ex-husband on COMMUNITY and it turns out it was THEO HUXTABLE! (Malcolm Jamal-Warner guests in case you didn’t get what I did there.)

ABC – 8:00 PM: Tonight’s installment of WIPEOUT is titled DON’T FEAR THE BEAVER. I don’t know what it means but I’m still giggling.

NBC – 9:30 PM: The good: PARKS & RECREATION is back which means a whole new season of RON “F’ing” SWANSON. The bad? 30 ROCK gets bumped to 10:00 PM.

FRIDAY

CBS – 8:00 PM: Tonight contains the last dream that the fictional ALLISON DUBOIS dreams on MEDIUM.

FOX – 9:00 PM: Will FRINGE fly or falter on Friday night? We may find out tonight as CHRISTOPHER LLOYD guests. Maybe if it doesn’t work out he can help them get BACK to the THURSDAY. It’s really not a good thing that this first episode is titled FIREFLY.

SATURDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: Miss the return of CHUCK on Monday night? Nothing better to do? Here you go.

ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: Strangest double feature of the night: MEAN GIRLS followed by ENCHANTED.

ABC – 9:00 PM: Want to know how bad the choices are for viewing tonight? I’m seriously considering the network edited copy of BLADES OF GLORY for viewing.

SUNDAY

NFC and AFC championsips pretty much have the networks throwing in the towel. Here’s what little I could scrape up.

SYFY – 6:30 PM: TOTAL RECALL? Get your ass to Mars!

SHO – 8:00 PM: Want to get caught up on the aforementioned EPISODES? You can see the second episode of EPISODES at 8:00 before the new episode at 9:30.

FOX – 8:30 PM: I just realized that I have yet to watch BOB’S BURGERS. Whooops.

Welcome to another week of TV Or Not TV where I really wanted to like THE CAPE and SNL.

After finally having the opportunity to watch THE CAPE I can see where the creators of the show wanted to go with it, but I think they may have fallen victim to executive involvement. The first hour of the two-hour premiere would be what most would refer to as the origin story. We get to see how the character of VINCE FARADAY evolves into THE CAPE. We get to see where he gets his training and his titular cape. We get to see how he gets teamed up with the blogger ORWELL and we see where his motivation to become a super hero comes from. The problem is this was just too much to cram into the forty-four minutes that the show had. The pilot came off as rushed and in some regards forced, which unfortunately gives it somewhat of an amateurish feel.

There used to be a time when a show that would require the scope that THE CAPE needed in its premiere would be given a full two hours (1.5 hours actual) to flesh out its concept in almost a TV movie fashion. In some cases the pilot for a show would actually be done as a TV movie to see if the audience actually wanted such a show. This is the type of treatment that THE CAPE should have been given because there were too many leaps and bounds around the story that they told for it to feel cohesive and logical. One amazing example of this is the moment that ORWELL and FARADAY team up. THE CAPE has known ORWELL for all of what feels like 5 minutes and she’s giving him an earpiece to be his backup.

Another example is when MAX MALINI is captured by the villain CHESS because of his stealing from the ARK banks. CHESS knows who he is but moving from the first to the second episode MAX is just relaxing at his carnival and apparently CHESS no longer has an interest in his lost money. If CHESS doesn’t pick this thread up again during the third episode he is the dumbest evil genius in TV show history because THE CAPE uses the exact same vanishing trick that MAX did in order to escape CHESS in the pilot episode.

If you were able to stomach the first hour of THE CAPE you were rewarded with a not-quite-as-bad second episode that demonstrates the real promise that the show holds. FARADAY is shown to be cunning, dedicated and most importantly he is flawed because he is new to this whole super-hero thing. We as the audience are also introduced to another sub-set of hired killers whose organization is known as TAROT which opens up the scope of the show for guest villains to be logically dropped in.

The one glaringly obvious weak plot point that continues on from the first to the second episode is SUMMER GLAU’s character ORWELL. We aren’t told at all why ORWELL seems to have all of the expensive toys are high-tech knowledge which is fine, but the character is extremely under-utilized. I’m still convinced that GLAU was added at the last minute to try to give the show more appeal to the male geek demographic the show is trying to pull in, but from what we’ve seen in these first two episodes it just isn’t enough.

HARI CARREY

This past Saturday’s SNL proved to be one of the most painful viewing experiences that I’ve had with the show in some time. I don’t know exactly what happened but I’d be suspicious of the fact that JIM CARREY planted himself in the writer’s room and they were all mesmerized by his BS and he was able to convince them all that he still knew what funny is. If this scenario did occur than I hope that each of the writers and cast members at least had that gut feeling that what they were hearing wasn’t actually funny at all but they were too scared to go up against the former titan that was JIM CARREY.

I knew there was something that wasn’t quite right when the show didn’t come back from the post-monologue faux commercial to a skit. I should have known from this tiny sign that I should just fast-forward to Weekend Update and from there call it a night. Sadly I did not.

The BLACK SWAN skit was bush-league at best since there was nothing done to make CARREY even appear feminine. Every other CARREY skit after that continued to fall flat for me with the exception of the WORST OF SOUL TRAIN sketch. This was the one and only time that CARREY delivered well timed goods and just enough exposure to be funny. I’m convinced that he had absolutely nothing to do with the creation of this skit as well.

I also realize, in writing this, humor is subjective and open to interpretation of the viewer. I’ve seen JIM CARREY be funnier so for me he just wasn’t up to snuff on this episode. If you thought differently feel free to comment and let me know your thoughts because I would love to hear them.

Now let’s move on to the meat and potatoes of this week’s television dining experience, shall we?

MONDAY

NBC – 9:00 PM: If you missed THE CAPE last night and want still want to build your own opinion than you can catch the first two hours again tonight. The NBC site calls it an encore, I call it a re-air.

A&E – 10:00 PM: Tonight’s HOARDERS has to be the most disgusting ever as the show focuses on a man that hoards rats. Yes, I said rats. 2,500 of them. I may not even be able to stomach this one.

TBS – 10:00 PM: MEN OF A CERTAIN AGE comes up with the suckiest road trip ever in the winter season finale as its destination: colonoscopies.

ABC – 10:00 PM: A magic store owner is found dead in Houdini’s Water Torture Tank on tonight’s CASTLE. Too bad for the guy Houdini didn’t have the Ultra-Fluffy Bed of Final Rest trick instead.

TUESDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: Why is it every time an Uncle comes to visit they always have an angle? Tonight on NO ORDINARY FAMILY we get JIM’s brother dropping in for a visit and he figures out a way to use JJ’s genius to win at gambling.

NBC – 8:00 PM: It is doctor feel good night as the contestants on THE BIGGEST LOSER get lectured by the show’s doctor about just how unhealthy they are.

COMEDY CENTRAL – 10:30 PM: If you’re a fan of funny and sports you’ll be sure to enjoy the premiere tonight of the ONION SPORTSDOME.

WEDNESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: The only bad thing about two hours of HUMAN TARGET is that they are blowing through new episodes way too fast.

ABC – 9:00 PM: MITCHELL bumps into a former girlfriend on tonight’s MODERN FAMILY. No, you read that write and no, I didn’t get it wrong.

TLC – 9:00 PM: MY STRANGE ADDICTION brings us a teen that eats detergent. This makes me glad I’ve never had to wash my kid’s mouth out with soap.

ABC – 10:00 PM: The creator of GREY’S ANNATOMY and PRIVATE PRACTICE stretches into unknown territory with a medical drama (big shock) but set in the jungle! This is going to make those laundry room hook-ups a lot more complicated.

THURSDAY

USA – 6:00 AM: Home sick from work (or not working)? How about a ROYAL PAINS six hour marathon?

ABC – 8:00 PM: WIPEOUT contestants have to work their way past the Yule Log and I only wish this was on during the holidays for me to truly enjoy its winter theme.

DISCOVERY – 8:00 PM: If you missed the GREEN HORNET special edition of MYTHBUSTERS than tonight you can enjoy it.

FRIDAY

CBS – 8:00 PM: It’s the penultimate episode of MEDIUM and ALLISON finally gets to meet a psychic stalker (the guy is stalking a psychic, not a stalker who sees the future or anything).

THE CW – 8:00 PM: Tonight’s repeat of SMALLVILLE gives CLARK a glimpse of his red and blue future thanks to BRANIAC 5.

HBO – 9:00 PM: The animated version of a podcast returns for a second season tonight with THE RICKY GERVAIS SHOW. Just consider it a warm up for the GOLDEN GLOBES on Sunday.

VH1 – 9:00 PM: It’s the CRITICS’ CHOICE MOVIE AWARDS and I’m happy to say that even nearing 40 I still don’t completely agree with the critics.

SATURDAY

ABC – 9:00 PM: It’s the MISS AMERICA PAGEANT and we can only hope for another viral-worthy Q&A with the contestants.

SYFY – 9:00 PM: I’m not sure if the name of the SYFY original movie BEHEMOTH is for the title character or how big a piece of crap this will be.

NBC – 11:30 PM: Last week’s SNL may have sucked hard but at least when it comes to scheduling they’ve still got it with the combo of GWYNETH PALTROW and musical guest CEE LO GREEN. I can’t wait for the bleeps during their inevitable duet.

SUNDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: RICKY GERVAIS returns to host THE 68th ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBES tonight and if I watch it is just to see him.

HBO – 9:00 PM: I hope you are all caught up on BIG LOVE because the final season premieres tonight. .

BBC AMERICA – 9:00 PM: THE TUDORS starts its cable syndication tonight on BBC AMERICA so if you always wanted to see it and didn’t have SHOWTIME than now’s your chance.

COMEDY CENTRAL – 10:00 PM: I have no idea if it’s any good but how could I not resist wanting to type DENIS LEARY AND FRIENDS PRESENT DOUCHEBAGS AND DONUTS?

As a new year is upon us and in looking forward to the oncoming winter season of television I have to say there’s not a lot in the new offerings that I’m looking forward to.

Last year ABC made the decision to cut the show Flash Forward and instead continue on with the equally ratings challenged V. The programming choice was a shock to some, myself included, but I’m sure the network had some sound reasons for making their decision. It was disappointing for me since Flash Forward had actually upped its game in its final episodes with a new focus that made everything really come together. V never really had enough to hold my attention especially when you factor in the three episode premiere followed by a long break from the fall until the spring.

Tuesday marks the return of V and fans of the show are being given a mixed blessing. The show is finally back after fans have had to endure a very long wait, however the show will also only be back for 10 out of the original 13 episodes. ABC cut their order for this second season which could mean the network has very little confidence in the returning show. The creators of the show have been hoping fans will be willing to wait after the news that JANE BADLER, who played DIANA in the original 80’s version, would be coming to this new series playing a character also named DIANA. This DIANA, it turns out, is the mother of MORENA BACCARIN’s V leader ANNA. For me this isn’t enough to justify the wait but it is good enough to get me to tune in at least once when the second season premiere’s this Tuesday at 9, immediately after a new episode of NO ORDINARY FAMILY.

TO CAPE OR NOT TO CAPE?

I have to admit that during the NBC announcement of their new schedule one of the shows I was most hesitant about was THE CAPE. It seemed hokey, silly, and a show that was too ambitious for a network that is struggling in the ratings the way that NBC is.

After paying closer attention in my quest for a preview of the show I find that there is more to the show that grabs my curiosity. The main character, VINCE FARADAY (DAVID LYONS) is framed for murder and is presumed dead. In the accident where he is believed to have died he is taken in by the “Carnival of Crime” and after they hear his story they train him so that he can fight on and give him an ancient CAPE that is a weapon. He uses this training and CAPE to assume the persona of THE CAPE, the same comic crime fighter that he and his son read together.

Without seeing a single frame of the show the things that I can tell you that I like about the concept are:

• VINCE FARADAY is BRUCE WAYNE without the money, so he’s kind of like a broke-ass BATMAN.
• He is trained by a group of criminal circus performers lead by MAX MALINI who is played by the brilliant KEITH DAVID.
• There isn’t one villain to focus against, there’s a cast of them.

When you factor all of the above elements together you’ve got the potential for a story that is going to be the closest we’ve had so far to the comic version of BATMAN. A masked vigilante with no super powers who only has his well trained skills and gadgets to aid him? Sounds real close.

The only item that gives me some concern is the fact that they cast SUMMER GLAU as ORWELL, a blogger, who teams up with THE CAPE. The casting just screams them trying to cash in on the geek cred that GLAU brings with her former stints on both FIREFLY and SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES. The fact that NO ORDINARY FAMILY has done well on ABC though shows that geek audiences are still hungry for some comic-inspired television so I’m going to give THE CAPE a chance.

TO EACH THEIR OWN (network)

The last item to discuss today was my sitting down to preview the New Year’s Day offerings of the Oprah Winfrey Network. I had absolutely no interest in watching this network at all and only did it for the purposes of writing about it. This shows that I’m in no way the network’s intended demographic, and my opinions on what I saw pretty much agree with that assessment.

All of the programming that I witnessed was of the typical cable network variety. I was mildly entertained by the show KIDNAPPED BY THE KIDS but was shocked that it was chosen as the show immediately following the preview show used to launch the network. Wouldn’t the network have been better served by SEASON 25: OPRAH BEHIND THE SCENES? This is an audience looking for OPRAH, isn’t it?

Regardless of the programming choice KIDNAPPED BY THE KIDS is a reality show that for the preview installment featured a workaholic parent being taken away from work and technology to spend quality time with the family while they express their frustrations at parental neglect. Basically the show is another WIFE SWAP / SUPER NANNY style show. Being a parent it is a good reminder to do what is important (like not ignoring your child to write this week’s column) but as a show to view in the long term it would quickly fall off my DVR must-list.

After the initial show I tried to take in OPRAH PRESENTS MASTER CLASS but really it felt like an auto-biographical version of VH1’s BEHIND THE MUSIC. JAY-Z communicated about himself well but I just had no interest in watching.

ENOUGH ALREADY! WITH PETER WALSH is another reality show that seemed to try to marry the current obsession we are having with those that hoard without being so depressing. Showing people a way to de-clutter and get organized is great but I used to get that from CLEAN SWEEP. Do I really need it re-tread here?

That was all I was able to watch before throwing in the towel. This channel isn’t for me. I’m not really sure who it is for but hey, OPRAH’s got the money so who is going to argue with her?

Now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way let’s take a look at what the new winter schedule is offering our post-holiday viewing world.

MONDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: So there’s this guy named BRAD WOMACK who I guess didn’t do so well the first time he was on THE BACHELOR. Now he’s getting a second chance and I will still be blissfully unaware of what happens next.

CBS – 8:00 PM: HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER is one of the only noteworthy offerings on tonight.

ABC FAMILY – 9:00 PM: The final season of GREEK starts tonight and it’s been a long time coming. Yes, I like GREEK so sue me.

IFC – 11:00 PM: One of the best original show’s HBO ever had was THE LARRY SANDERS SHOW. Tonight it starts re-airing on IFC in quite a fitting time slot for the subject matter.

TUESDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: Although the two-hour length sometimes feels just as hefty as some of the contestants in the beginning I’m still going to sit through the new season of THE BIGGEST LOSER as it starts tonight. This show is perfect motivation if you set “lose a little weight” as your resolution for the new year.

ABC – 8:00 PM: I’ve been waiting a while now to find out how the POWELL‘s deal with DAPHNE‘s memory being erased on NO ORDINARY FAMILY. Tonight the show is back and we finally get to find out.

FOX – 8:00 PM: Sorry GLEE-k’s, tonight you’re stuck with another GLEE-pete.

CBS – 8:00 PM: If you’ve missed PAULA ABDUL‘s confusing comments during judging then you may want to tune in to LIVE TO DANCE as yet another reality show around dancing premieres.

ABC – 9:00 PM: The Visitors return tonight as we see just how good (or not) this shortened season of V is.

TNT – 10:00 PM: It’s a new season of SOUTHLAND tonight and I’m betting right about now NBC wishes they hadn’t dropped this show.

WEDNESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: Two hours of HUMAN TARGET is a pretty good way to spend your Wednesday.

ABC – 9:00 PM: JAMES MARSDEN guests tonight as the good looking neighbor to CAM and MITCHELL on tonight’s MODERN FAMILY. JAMI GERTZ blasts in from the past as well.

CBS – 9:00 PM: How can it be that these are THE PEOPLE’S CHOICE AWARDS when no one even asked me? I’m people too damnit!

THURSDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: It’s a winter installment of WIPEOUT! I can’t wait to see snow covered BIG BALLS!

NBC – 8:00 PM: If you did not see the original airing of the COOPERATIVE CALLIGRAPHY episode of COMMUNITY than I command you to watch this tonight and as a special treat be sure to look to the lower left of the screen when TROY says he wants to lick a puppy to see the pen get stolen.

MTV – 10:00 PM: Another reminder of the downfall of civilization occurs as the premiere of the next season of THE JERSEY SHORE hits the airwaves.

TLC – 10:00 PM: It’s the premiere of the final season of ACE OF CAKES. I hope we don’t find out that in the end that DUFF in the “other” bakery was dead the whole time. (worst LOST joke ever)

FRIDAY

CARTOON NETWORK – 8:30 PM: Tonight STAR WARS:THE CLONE WARS kicks off a three episode story that involves the brother of DARTH MAUL. OK, I’m actually interested.

CBS – 8:00 PM: Tonight’s airing of MEDIUM is the next to next to last ever.

FX – 8:00 PM: Roll out THE HAPPENING and the thing your network won’t have happening is ratings.

SYFY – 10:00 PM: It’s the third season premiere of MERLIN tonight and MORGANA is ready to get all kinds of wicked on the good wizard.

SATURDAY

COOKING – 4:00 PM E: If you aren’t familiar with the HUNGRY GIRL line of books and other stuff than you probably won’t be interested in her new cooking show.

DISCOVERY – 7:00 PM: It’s ripe with repeats but who can say no to a MYTHBUSTERS mini-marathon. It’s slim pickings tonight so why not?

ABC – 8:00 PM: Miss the premieres of WIPEOUT and THE BACHELOR? If you did and didn’t want to have the change the channel than you could sit and watch them both. Like I said before, slim pickings.

BBC AMERICA – 8:00 PM: If you missed last Saturday’s fourth series premiere of PRIMEVAL you can watch it followed immediately by the next episode at 9.

NBC – 11:30 PM: It’s just a few months shy of it being 15 years since JIM CARREY was on SNL. It could be interesting to see him yuck it up sketch comedy style like he did all those years ago on IN LIVING COLOR.

SUNDAY

SYFY – 11:00 AM: The network that changed it’s name to not be so SciFi is bringing us a STAR TREK movie marathon today.

A&E – 4:00 PM: Slick back your mullet and hunker down low for a DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER marathon. Drinking game rules are located here.

FOX – 8:30 PM: A new animated show tries to break into the Animation Domination block on Sunday nights with the premiere of BOB’S BURGERS. The animation looks cheap, it’s not done by anyone named Groening or Macfarlane so I’m sure it’s going to be great.

NBC – 9:00 PM: It’s the two hour premiere of THE CAPE so we can see if its worth all the commercials NBC has been putting up during the holiday season. If you miss it though it’s on again tomorrow at the exact same time in its regular time slot.

Well another season of DEXTER has now come and gone. Although I’ve read mixed reviews about this season I have to say that I was really entertained by it. I’m also going to not hold anything back in talking about it so if you haven’t seen it yet and plan to then be forewarned that there be spoilers abound in these waters.

This season of DEXTER had the very large shoes of last season to try and fill. JOHN LITHGOW had a stellar performance as the TRINITY killer in an amazing story line that shocked, amazed, and hit us with a punch in the gutt on its way out the door with the unexpected murder in the final moments.

When viewing the season’s overall story arc I think the writers did a pretty good job of delivering us a season that wasn’t too over-the-top while still being a fufilling viewing experience. They started the season off slow, with DEXTER dealing with the fallout after RITA’s death. It isn’t until the middle of the second episode where we start to see some of the old DEXTER return. He also doesn’t fufill the cravings of his “dark passenger” until the end of the third episode, giving us as viewers enough time of mourning over the loss of RITA before moving on to the DEXTER that we all know and love.

The first few episodes of the season are the only ones that I have a complaint about because the pace and stories of the supporting characters in the show seemed drawn out. Yes some elements of the stories were necessary to allow for other characters to be introduced like the great PETER WELLER. These characters for the DEXTER fan, however, are a mixed bag since they help move the story along but even though they are his co-workers they are also his adversaries. I never want to get too involved in their stories because, as the second season taught us, they can become expendable.

The direction the show took with the introduction of LUMEN and the situation surrounding the BARREL GIRLS was a new type of terror that we haven’t really had to face. I understand why it was necessary but the simple shocking reality is that this type of thing may go on in our world which made it slightly difficult to endure. After you get over that shock it is very easy to see why the story had to unfold the way it did. In the third season it was very difficult to stomach JIMMY SMITS character committing the types of attrocities that DEXTER does because he didn’t live by “the Code” so he was just a psychopath. We can handle what DEXTER does because he acts out what the id feels when we learn what these people do. Unless it is to ensure his survival DEXTER doesn’t just kill someone that makes his life difficult. JORDAN CHASE and his BARREL GIRLS group gave this season two important things: something for DEXTER to focus on that involved protecting future innocent lives being taken away just like RITA and allowing someone to go down such a dark path we didn’t mind if they commited the same type of vigilante killings that DEXTER does.

In the season finale there was a season ripe with tension but for me it was also wrought with metaphor. DEXTER’s sister DEBORAH comes across the camp and the very room where DEXTER and LUMEN have dispatched the last person reponsible for her horrific ordeal. In this moment the pair are hidden by a murky sheet of plastic that divides the room. DEB can see that they are there but can’t see them completely. This moment also reflects, for me, the same way that DEB must view DEXTER. Other police officers in the Miami Metro Homicide division have been suspicious of DEXTER yet DEB never questions. She sees her brother every day but she must have a similar murky filter between her and her brother that belays any suspicions she must have. This has to be the case since at least two other detectives have had suspicions about DEXTER (speaking of which, don’t any of these cops wonder why their area attracks so many demented murderes? The Ice Truck Killer, The Bay Harbor Butcher, The Trinity Killer, Barrel Girl Killers… that’s a lot for one city isn’t it?).

The writers did a pretty good job as well of wrapping up this season in a manner that allows them a clean slate for the recently green lit sixth season. LUMEN is leaving in a non-fatal manner, one that given her story was a foregone conclusion for me the moment she and DEXTER were working together. DEXTER is still a father but has the perfect nanny and RITA’s children can conveniently be around during visits and then dispatched conveniently back to their grandparents home. After DEXTER clears QUINN of the crime that DEXTER knows he didn’t commit QUINN admits to owing DEXTER which will hopefully avoid any future suspicions of DEXTER’s “other” activities. DEXTER is once again free to just be DEXTER.

Now that I’ve said my piece on DEXTER let’s move on to the crime that is this week’s available viewing options.

MONDAY

CBS – 8:00 PM: Have you noticed yet that the only show on CBS I recommend on Monday’s is HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER? ’nuff said.

NBC – 8:00 PM: I don’t know why I can’t stop watching THE SING-OFF since it’s the exact same show as last year. There’s one group of older people,
several mediocre groups and then there’s the entertaining college kids (ON THE ROCKS) and the smaller but completely amazing ensemble that were the clear winners from day one (COMMITTED). Ah well, it’s not like anything else is really on.

ABC – 9:00 PM: From the “We don’t give a crap file” I humbly submit to you MARIAH CAREY: MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU. Let me guess, she’s got a holiday album out this year?

TUESDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: I love the PEANUTS specials (Who can forget the touching story told in IT’S FLASH BEAGLE, CHARLIE BROWN) but I don’t think I’ve ever seen I WANT A DOG FOR CHRISTMAS, CHARLIE BROWN!

FOX – 8:00 PM: It’s a pop-star tribute GLEE-peat double header tonight with the MADONNA and BRITNEY SPEARS episodes. I’d make a joke about this but I think the show writers already did by making them.’

NBC – 9:00 PM: It’s the live season finale of THE BIGGEST LOSER where I’m rooting for PATRICK to win. This show is such a great motivator and reminder to ea… oh look, Christmas fudge!

WEDNESDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: OK, if you actually watched THE SING-OFF along with me then be sure to remember there’s another episode on tonight.

USA – 8:00 PM: Oh, look! ELF is on USA tonight. There’s something you don’t see happen very often.

COMEDY CENTRAL – 8:00 PM: If you missed the first ever FUTURAMA HOLIDAY SPECTACULAR then here is another chance to catch it.

DISCOVERY – 9:00 PM: In tonight’s all new MYTHBUSTERS special it’s a special GREEN HORNET edition where SETH ROGEN drops in to help bust some myth’s. Which myth are they attacking, “You’re not off ’till you cough?”

THURSDAY

ABC FAMILY – 6:00 PM: On a night full of repeats ABC FAMILY gives us the gift of PIXAR with FINDING NEMO followed by THE INCREDIBLES.

FX – 10:00 PM: It’s the IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA holiday special! Need I say more?

TBS – 10:00 PM: If it weren’t for the fact that the “Man Your Man Could Smell Like” himself, ISAIAH MUSTAFA, is hosting I’d think sitting around watching the FUNNIEST COMMERCIALS OF THE YEAR was silly. Even sillier? If you DVR this you’re going to be skipping over the commercials to get to the commercials.

FRIDAY

CBS – 8:00 PM: CBS is offering up a large helping of holiday cheer with YES, VIRGINIA followed by FROSTY THE SNOWMAN and FROSTY RETURNS.

USA – 9:00 PM: Oh, look! ELF is on USA tonight. There’s something you don’t see happen very often.

ABC – 9:00 PM: In this PRIMETIME special WHAT WOULD YOU DO? the network uses hidden cameras to see how people react when tey think no one is watching. Does putting the PRIMETIME name on it class it up enough so that we don’t know it’s a classed up version of SCARE TACTICS?

CBS – 9:30 PM: Tonight special I GET THAT A LOT as they look back at some of the highlights (I use the term loosely) from past shows and some unseen footage. Come watch again as nobody believes that it isn’t PARIS HILTON pumping their gas.

SATURDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: Need a way to distract the kids for three hours? ABC rolls out another airing of I WANT A DOG FOR CHRISTMAS, CHARLIE BROWN! followed by MADAGASCAR.

NBC – 8:00 PM: The Peacock offers up a retread as well as they re-run the Christmas party episode of THE OFFICE.

HALLMARK – 8:00 PM: BATTLE OF THE BULBS sure feels a lot like DECK THE HALLS when DANIEL STERN and MATT FREWER get ugly trying to one up each other’s holiday decorations.

NBC – 11:30 PM: I still haven’t watched last week’s episode of SNL with PAUL RUDD but this week is a no-miss as THE DUDE himself JEFF BRIDGES hosts the weekly train wreck.

SUNDAY

ABC – 7:00 PM: ABC puts forth no programming effort whatsoever with the airing of THE SANTA CLAUSE 2 and THE SANTA CLAUSE 3: THE ESCAPE CLAUSE.

CBS – 8:00 PM: It’s the season finale for SURIVOR: NICARAGUA and I’ve not watched a single moment of the show.

FOX – 9:00 PM: FAMILY GUY‘s retelling of THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK airs tonight to serve as a warm up to all the people that will no doubt be watching…

ADULT SWIM – 11:30 PM: I completely missed the mark in neglecting to mention the amazing VENTURE BROTHERS season finale so I am making it a point to mention the ROBOT CHICKEN: STAR WARS EPISODE III special. Nothing says Happy Holidays like stop-motion Star Wars comedy.

This week’s column is just all about the listings. With the Thanksgiving holiday I haven’t had a chance to do much in my viewing other than getting all caught up on FRINGE. Even though I have some thoughts and theories there isn’t really enough to write up a full article on. Here’s the Cliff Notes:

1. The alternate universe has been a great story telling mechanism since the middle of last season and it has been a complete and utter mind-bending winner for me this season as well.
2. The stakes are too high that they’ve laid out. Only one of these two universes can survive? This makes me think that weeks from now PETER is going to be stepping into this mystery machine because he’s going to believe doing so will be a valid alternative option.
3. Given everything that they were shown prior to the last episode I already thought it was pretty clear that WALTERNATE was trying to engineer  a situation where PETER is inadvertently doing what WALTERNATE wants him to do even though he’s on the other side. The last episode pretty much locked this in for us. I just can’t understand how these supposedly smart characters can’t see what I even thought was obvious before the story confirmed it.
4. I really can’t buy that no one could really tell that FAUXLIVIA isn’t their real OLIVIA since they all really knew her.
5. It boggles my mind to think where they are going to go from here.
6. Now that FRINGE is being moved to FRIDAY does this mean that FOX just wants to show to go quietly into that good night?

Now that I got that out of my system let’s look at the viewing choices for the next seven days.

MONDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: I’m really hoping that the return of LINDA HAMILTON this week on CHUCK marks the return to story telling that I actually give a crap about.

ABC – 8:00 PM: I don’t even know why I’m mentioning SKATING WITH THE STARS since I won’t be watching a single moment of it.

LOGO – 8:00 PM: Normally I wouldn’t mention a syndicated show but the BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER episode titled THE BODY was probably one of the best episodes of the show that ever aired.

AMC – 8:00 PM: I still think one of the very overlooked newer holiday classics is the BILL MURRAY film SCROOGED so much so that I wonder why it isn’t part of my home video library. It will be on AMC for the next four nights so try and catch it if you never have.

ABC FAMILY – 9:00 PM: When I originally saw the title of THE DOG WHO SAVED CHRISTMAS VACATION I was hoping for a mash-up of the CHEVY CHASE classic but instead you get PARIS HILTON voicing a dog.

TUESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: The group on GLEE finally heads to sectionals. I’m sure the numbers they perform won’t be nearly as flashy or as choreographed as the numbers they put on for just themselves in their school auditorium.

NBC – 8:00 PM: Behold the festivities around the illumination of plant life with the 78th ANNUAL CHRISTMAS IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER.

CBS – 8:00 PM: It’s just not the holiday season until they air RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER.

ABC – 8:00 PM: The Alphabet offers up a green and mean double header with THE GRINCH WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS followed by SHREK THE HALLS.

NBC – 9:00 PM: Tonight the contestants on THE BIGGEST LOSER have to overcome their biggest challenge yet, being moved an hour later to 9 PM.

FX – 10:00 PM: It’s the season finale for SONS OF ANARCHY.

CBS – 10:00 PM: I didn’t think they could possibly make the VICTORIA’S SECRET FASHION SHOW but then they go and get KATY PERRY to perform.

WEDNESDAY

ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: I have to admit that there are some parts of me that actually enjoy the live-action film DR. SEUSS’ HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS. It is a bit alarming though to see the GRINCH talking like FIRE MARSHALL BILL a whole lot.

AMC – 8:00 PM: SCROOGED is still an option tonight is all I’m saying.

USA – 10:00 PM: Tonight’s episode of PSYCH is also a TWIN PEAKS tribute.

THURSDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: Fond childhood memories of watching SANTA CLAUS IS COMIN’ TO TOWN are now replaced by the sad realization that kids today have no idea who any of the people doing the voices for this special even are.

NBC – 8:00 PM: I’m not sure if the time continuity is accurate here but it doesn’t matter because tonight TROY turns 21 on COMMUNITY so let the drinking jokes begin!

FOX – 9:00 PM: After two weeks we finally get to find out what PETER does after the phone call he received two weeks ago on FRINGE.

NBC – 9:00 PM: MICHAEL, for whatever reason, decides he must stop the global power that is China on tonight’s episode of THE OFFICE.

DIY – 9:00 PM: How was I unaware of THE VANILLA ICE PROJECT? Home renovation and aged rap music for the win!

FRIDAY

THE CW – 8:00 PM: Somehow CLARK gets bounded to an alternate universe where he was raised by the LUTHORS instead of the KENTS on tonight’s episode of SMALLVILLE. Wait, is this a FRINGE cross-over?

CBS – 8:00 PM: After tonight there are only 3 more episodes of MEDIUM ever.

ABC FAMILY – 8:30 PM: Will this finally be the year that I watch THE POLAR EXPRESS?

SATURDAY

LOGO – 6:00 PM: It was very shocking for fans when the WB some how lost BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER and even more shocking for fans when the fifth season ended with the title character dieing. If you want to relive it you can watch a mini-marathon today.

MTV – 8:00 PM: ADAM SANDLER has really accomplished a lot but EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS is definitely not a jewel in his crown.

G4 – 8:00 PM: Do you know how little there is on tonight? I’m recommending SUPER HIGH ME on G4, that’s how little there is on tonight.

SUNDAY

ABC FAMILY – 7:00 AM: Want a real lazy Sunday? How about an all day HARRY POTTER movie marathon from THE SORCERER’S STONE up through ORDER OF THE PHOENIX?

DISC – 4:00 PM: OK, maybe you actually did something with the better part of your day and now you want a lazy Sunday evening? How about a MYTHBUSTERS marathon that includes the  Top 25 Moments starting at 7?

USA – 6:00 PM: Don’t look now, it’s another airing of ELF.

AMC – 10:00 PM: There is not greater sadness then the recognition that tonight is the first season finale of THE WALKING DEAD and we will probably have to wait until next October for more.

A&E – 10:00 PM: I’m sorry, I was wrong. there is no greater sadness than knowing there is now a reality show being shot around THE HASSELHOFFS.

In case you hadn’t heard, a new late night talk show had premiered last week. I’m here to tell you that I liked it.

The morning after the first episode of CONAN had aired I had read a lot of reviews that seemed to all say the same thing: New show, same stuff. I’m not exactly sure why so many critics would sit there and think that upon his return CONAN would do something to shake up the late night talk show landscape. Granted the show LOPEZ TONIGHT which gracefully stepped aside to let CONAN in does already with its departure from the use of the curtain and desk and replacing it with its auditorium performance feel. JIMMY KIMMEL tried to break the LATE NIGHT mold by not doing a standing monologue, abandoning the tie for an open collar with visible t-shirt and he discovered that it just doesn’t work. There’s an old saying: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

We are all very aware of the fact that the departure of CONAN from NBC’s THE TONIGHT SHOW was awkward, uncomfortable and I’m thinking it’s a safe bet to say it was also a major blow to CONAN’s ego. He was playing the game, he was doing the dance, and he was still being chucked out to accommodate the guy that the network had previously thought they were willing to let go in order to keep CONAN. After something like this happens you really have only three choices: re-invent yourself and do something new, fade into obscurity, or find a place to do what you were doing and do it well. Thankfully TBS was willing to let CONAN do the latter. On his first show I thought he did everything just the way he should since leaving NBC and becoming a Twitter and Internet phenomenon: He let the audience adore him, he poked fun at his previously employer, he jabbed a little at his new employer to show the kids he is still hip and cool (that is what kid’s say, right?) and then he brought the talk. Yes you could tell he was frenetic and he was nervous, but after everything that he has been through I think that the show (and the remainder of the week’s shows that followed) were exactly what CONAN needed to do. It was part safety net, part ego, and after the ratings came out it was also part revenge.

I know that after the entire week played out you may say that the ratings weren’t great when compared to THE TONIGHT SHOW or THE LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN. If, however, you factor in the fact that CONAN isn’t on one of the four major networks his numbers being over one million are actually pretty stellar. Last week he did very well compared to THE DAILY SHOW and THE COLBERT REPORT and he’s doing it all while being able to show the world that you don’t have to be on a major network to get the job done. I only hope that the ratings stay consistent into this second week as the short attention span of the world may let its fickle mind drift to something else. I’d also like to apologize to JIMMY KIMMEL since I feel that with last week’s viewings of CONAN I kind of cheated on him a little. It’s not you JIMMY, it’s me. I’ve only got so many hours of TV I can watch. I’m sorry.

THE WALKING DEAD: TELL IT TO THE FROGS (read at your own risk, mild spoilers below)

Since I last wrote about THE WALKING DEAD I did something I didn’t expect to do. The pilot episode of the show was so good that I just had to get caught up on the entire comic series that inspired the show. It wasn’t my original intent since there were 78 issues to date, but after reading the first 12 I had no choice but to press on. Reading through them all was the upside of having at least two hours a day where I sit on a commuter train.

I bring up this literarry marathon that I put myself on becuase last night’s episode of THE WALKING DEAD titled TELL IT TO THE FROGS payed homage to the source material once again while still maintaining its originality. In this third installment we see RICK GRIMES finally reunited with his wife LORI and son CARL, both of whom had believed RICK to be dead. The scene played out wonderfully both few panels of a comic book and all of the actors involved really made me feel the impact of this moment.

There are many times when reading THE WALKING DEAD you will find that RICK GRIMES gets himself out of the frying pan and is more than willing to drop himself into the fire. Last week’s episode, GUTS, had the small group of survivors that RICK accidentally forced into being trapped in ATLANTA had to leave behind MICHAEL ROOKER’s character of MERLE DIXON. Not even 24 hours after reuniting with his family RICK wants to go back to attempt to rescue MERLE from his dire situation while also wanting to go back for the big bag of guns and ammunition that he left behind after being de-horsed in teh show’s pilot. RICK’s willingness to endanger himself and the travelling back to ATLANTA for guns both are lifted right out of the comic, but the addition of MERLE being stuck on a roof made the reason for going back into the precarious situation they had just left make a bit more sense for me. The attempt to save someone from dying in an extremely inhumane way is a bit more compelling and makes the going back for the guns feel more like it’s just the icing on the cake.

Another item that really troubled me in last week’s episode GUTS was the way that the relationship between SHANE and LORI was depicted. It wasn’t the intimacy that was shown so much as what seemed like the willingness for LORI to already be moving on after such short a time. Tonight, however, we discover that her reason for doing so were because SHANE flat out told her that RICK was dead. The implications of what has transpired since he told her this and the subtext of the motivation behind why he told her this lead the writers to represent a realistic rage that LORI unleashed upon SHANE near the end of the episode. In that short two minutes my ill feelings towards LORI’s actions last week were completely dispelled and I’m anxious once again to see the character more on the show.

COMMUNITY: Cooperative Calligraphy (or why I love this show so damn much)

The NBC sitcom COMMUNITY has never apologized for being  pop-culture self-aware and in the most recent episode, COOPERATIVE CALLIGRAPHY, the show clearly compensates for the bigger budget episodes by producing a “bottle episode” where the entire thing is shot in one location to save costs. Before this episode I was never even aware of the term bottle episode so I appreciate them educating me, however this isn’t why I’m so appreciative of this show.

What transpired during this episode was good character development, an interesting exploration into the study groups dynamic, but it was also subtle genius. In the episode ANNIE discovers that her purple pen has gone missing. Everyone in the group becomes a suspect. By the episode’s end we find out who took the pen. It’s a clever reveal when it happens, something that in an ordinary episode of television we would see, laugh and take the answer we were given. COMMUNITY however doesn’t want us to just accept their answer like a spoon-fed child. In this most recent episode, just as TROY makes the disturbing statement at the sight of a puppy, “Ahhhh… I want to lick it” you can actually see the pen being taken by the guilty party. It is subtle, it is fast, but considering who took the pen it is just amazing and brilliant (and you can see it here. For the record this is also something I would not have been aware of if it weren’t for the fine people of the Internet showing me that this happened.

A similar example of the writers subtle genius is in the episode “The Psychology of Letting Go” and it is something once again I would have been completely unaware of if not for the fine people of the Internet. ABED has an entire story line in the episode but it is played out in the background. If you are watching what goes on in the foreground, much the same way I was, you miss ABED befriending a pregnant girl and even helping her deliver the child. Don’t believe me? See it here.

As you can see from these two simple examples the show’s creative team is really putting out some top notch stuff. If you haven’t watched COMMUNITY before I implore you to jump on in and bask in its wonder.

Now that we’ve gotten that bit out of the way let’s see what this week holds for our viewing (dis)pleasure.

MONDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: CHUCK is back tonight and he’s INTERSECT-less and goes through extreme counseling to try to get it back. Although I’m a big CHUCK fan I have to admit that this plot twist is a bit contrived as is the ham handed way they will be resolving with what was seen near the end of the last episode.

CBS – 8:00 PM: There’s only one thing better than knowing it’s a new episode of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER tonight is knowing that BARNEY finds a tape of the children’s show featuring the beginning of ROBIN SPARKLES.

FOX – 8:00 PM: Smallpox seems to rock the HOUSE tonight but we all know that it’s just going to be something else. At least we get to see them use those cool hazmat suits.

CBS – 9:00 PM: No I’m not really recommending an episode of TWO AND A HALF MEN but I’d actually watch it if they had CHARLIE SHEEN‘s character do even half of the things he did in real life.

TUESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: First she was on the CMA’s and now QWYNETH PALTROW fill’s in when MR. SCHUSTER gets on tonight’s GLEE. At this point we just need to know when her CD drops, right?

ABC – 8:00 PM: Isn’t it a bit soon for JIM to be trying to take on a mobster on NO ORDINARY FAMILY? I thought you had to have a set arch-nemesis before you could go after the mob.

FOX – 9:30 PM: I guess it doesn’t speak well to RUNNING WILDE fans that its slot is filled with a repeat of RAISING HOPE.

TBS – 10:00 PM: So the director of VAN WILDER is one of the creators of GLORY DAZE about a group of college friends trying to get into an anything goes fraternity back in 1986. Ah, a historical period piece! CONAN must be excited about the lead in.

WEDNESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: Tonight marks the return of HUMAN TARGET and there’s lots of buzz over CHUCK alumn MATT MILLER taking over as show runner. Having seen the premiere episode I like the new feel of the show and new cast members.

CBS – 8:00 PM: One of the tribes comes back to camp to discover it’s been consumed by fire on tonight’s SURVIVOR: NICARAGUA. Someone didn’t listen to SMOKEY THE BEAR when they were a kid.

DISCOVERY – 9:00 PM: Tonight the MYTHBUSTER are driving backwards at top speeds. I have no idea what the myth they are busting is but I can’t wait to see this one.

ABC – 10:00 PM: Who could believe it’s already been a quarter of a century of sexy! 25 YEARS OF SEXY: PEOPLE MAGAZINE’S SEXIEST MAN ALIVE! tries to get us to relive it all with host KIM KARDASHIAN. I still don’t get how there can be a new sexiest man alive every year since they don’t kill off the old ones. They should make it more like LOGAN’S RUN and only the strongest of them all renews.

TBS – 11:00 PM: CONAN has RUSSEL BRAND and KID ROCK performs. Now THAT is a backstage I wouldn’t mind crashing.

THURSDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: Someone tell that little round headed kid that A CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING is a week too early.

NBC – 9:00 PM: Tonight’s THE OFFICE has a lot going on at once. DWIGHT puts together a hay festival in the parking lot, MICHAEL apparently has forgotten that RYAN was arrested over fraud as he tries to convince others to invest in RYAN‘s Internet company and some type of technicality stops JIM from being able to earn commission. I’m tuning in for the hay festival myself.

TBS – 11:00 PM: Tonight CONAN has JESSE EISENBERG. Hopefully he’ll mention how people tell him they loved him in SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD and the comedy circle will be complete (see MICHAEL CERA’s appearance last week on CONAN if you don’t get this).

FRIDAY

THE CW – 8:00 PM: To take the heat off of his team OLIVER registers for the VIGILANTE SUPER HERO ACT. Since he already admitted he is a vigilante I don’t know how this would actually take any heat off of anyone.

TRUTV – 8:00 PM: Want a triple-header of crazy? Take in CONSPIRACY THEORY WITH JESSE VENTURA.

TLC – 10:00 PM: HOMEMADE MILLIONAIRE lets female home inventors present their ideas to KELLY RIPPA and a panel of judges hoping to win a deal with HSN. I wonder how long until I see the MAC & COOL on there.

SATURDAY

TNT – 8:00 PM: Want some fun? Watch WHAT WOMEN WANT but play those phone message recordings of MEL GIBSON‘s to replace his dialogue.

TBS – 10:00 PM: Aw heck, why not watch TALLADEGA NIGHTS: THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY but play those phone message recordings of MEL GIBSON‘s as well. It’s better than most of the other options on TV tonight.

NBC – 11:30 PM: Last time ANNE HATHAWAY was on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE she killed so I’d highly recommend taking this one in as well.

SUNDAY

USA – 7:00 PM: It must be the holiday season because USA Network has started there annual over-playing of ELF.

ABC – 8:00 PM: I’m not exactly sure what the 2010 AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS are but look at all the acts they have lined up: Kid Rock, Christina Aguilera, Bon Jovi, Pink, Usher, Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Ne-Yo; Diddy-Dirty Money, and Rihanna. For some reason they also think it’s a big deal that they’ll have New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys on stage together. That WOULD be really exciting if it were still the 90’s.

E! – 9:00 PM: Tonight on THE E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY they turn their attention to former AMERICAN IDOL CONTESTANT ADAM LAMBERT. Didn’t this show used to be all about tragic careers? Oh wait, it still is. They’re just getting ahead of the curve on this one.

SHO – 9:00 PM: I haven’t written a lot about DEXTER this season because I tend to be in catch up mode on it but I love the direction they’ve taken after the powerhouse of a season they had last year. I’m sure tonight will be another great installment of the show.

If you’ve been a long time reader of this column (if so, my condolences) than you know that I’ve had a mixed relationship with the show SMALLVILLE. There have been times in the past I’ve loved SMALLVILLE and there have been times in the past where I’ve detested it. It has been a very uneven show that has strayed far away from its original concept in the fight to stay viable.

For those of you that may be completely unaware of what SMALLVILLE is still the premise is really simple: It’s a revised version of the life that CLARK KENT lives leading up to becoming SUPERMAN. The show started as a hybrid version of THE X-FILES and ROSWELL with a monster-of-the-week theme while the young CLARK learned about his powers and abilities. As the years have passed the monster-of-the-week theme stuck but the developing Supes story also merged with MELROSE PLACE along the way as characters slept with other characters and Kryptonian story lines furthered to muddy the waters of comprehension.

With SMALLVILLE entering its tenth and final season I wasn’t sure if I was going to stick with it, which is pretty much what I’ve done each year for at least the past five seasons. Thankfully I’ve been pleasantly surprised by what the creative team behind the show has done with the stories thus far and with the direction that the show is headed. They know that this is the final season and they seem to be guiding us into the final transitional chapter of CLARK KENT finally putting on those tights and becoming the protector of mankind.

A few seasons back the show did what I considered the unthinkable in the offing of SUPERMAN’s greatest foe, the corrupt and powerful LEX LUTHOR. The move was one the show had to do since Michael Rosenbaum decided it was time he move on from the role. In this final season it would seem that they’ve come up with a way to remedy this in a way that I find acceptable both creatively and conceptually.

The most important part of this final lap that SMALLVILLE is taking is the solidification of the relationship between LOIS and CLARK. In the past the relationship wasn’t one that I was able to buy between the two actors but this season the chemistry between TOM WELLING and ERICA DURANCE is more palpable. I can finally believe them as a couple and I’m ready to see them move towards the closing of this story.

My only gripe right now is the VIGILANTE REGISTRATION ACT story line that they also are playing out. I suppose the MARVEL COMICS CIVIL WAR is still too fresh in my mind to have this topic retread but I’m not sure if the comic reading uber-geek is really the core audience of this show any more and I may be speaking in the minority. It’s also been a few episodes since we’ve had to deal with DARKSEID but I’m sure he’ll be cropping up some time in December just in time for a winter break cliffhanger.

Enough about SMALLVILLE though, let’s get to the nitty gritty.

MONDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: Quick note to NBC, if you want to get out of last place running DECISION POINTS: A Conversation with George W. Bush opposite… well… anything on the schedule… won’t help you. Another bad decision may also come back to haunt you later tonight at 11.

CBS – 9:30 PM: Tonight on MIKE & MOLLY it turns out MIKE‘s snoring may be an issue. Oh yeah, there nothing more of a knee slapper than sleep apnea.

TBS – 11:00 PM: Seriously, is there anything else on tonight that is more noteworthy than the premiere of CONAN? TBS is going to have their highest late night ratings tonight. This isn’t a prediction, it’s a fact. The real question: how long will the ratings wave last? Yes I’m petty and yes I hope the ratings stay high just long enough for the execs at NBC to REALLY regret their decision.

TUESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: SAM and FINN find an unconventional way of controlling their urges on GLEE. Does it have anything to do with guys bursting out into song spontaneously or singing show tunes? That’s a mood killer for me any day.

NBC – 8:00 PM: Instead of just yelling at the contestants on THE BIGGEST LOSER to work them to death in the gym BOB and JILLIAN also confront them on issues they can’t overcome. I’m sure that’s just what you want when you’re muscles have turned to jelly and your coated in sweat.

ABC – 8:00 PM: It’s always hard when the in-laws drop in, but imagine if you’re NO ORDINARY FAMILY and you have to hide your powers. Even worse, imagine you can read minds and your grandma is in the room checking out your grandpa. Eeeewwww!

WEDNESDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: I’ve never watched the CMAs before but tonight on THE 44th ANNUAL CMA AWARDS we’ll get to see GWYNETH PALTROW make her live country music debut. Anyone who’s seen DUETS has to be as excited as I am for this (I’m not).

NBC – 8:00 PM: At press time I’ve yet to watch a single episode of UNDERCOVERS. According to the ratings I’m not alone.

FOX – 8:00 PM: Tonight on HELL’S KITCHEN it’s the men v… oh, who cares. I’ve never watched a single frame of this show either. It’s just filler at this point isn’t it?

THURSDAY

HBO – 9:00 PM: JAMES GANDOLFINI interviews men of the service and their families to examine the lingering effects of battle in the gripping documentary WARTORN: 1861-2010.

NBC – 9:00 PM: ERIN and GABE host a viewing part of GLEE on THE OFFICE and I’m at a total loss that a competing network show gets this kind of coverage. Oh those whackey OFFICE writers!

USA – 10:00 PM: It’s the mid-season return of BURN NOTICE and MICHAEL WESTON still continues his quest to find the people who burned him. Shouldn’t he just find a good therapist at this point and let it go? He’s got a pretty decent ‘protector for hire’ business going on, why not just be happy doing that? Oh yeah, then there’d be no angst to the show.

FRIDAY

THE CW – 8:00 PM: TERI HATCHER returns to a super-themed show tonight on SMALLVILLE as she shows up as LOIS LANE‘s mom only thirteen years after she herself played the character. That’s gotta not feel too good for the ego.

CBS – 8:00 PM: Weird stuff happens on MEDIUM, same as it ever does. I only mention it because the network cut the show’s order down to 13 episodes so this may be one of the final five episodes of MEDIUM ever.

FOX – 9:00 PM: JACK and LIZ try to get away to a romantic Bed & Breakfast and I’m sure DAN won’t do anything to ruin it on tonight’s episode of THE GOOD GUYS.

SATURDAY

BBC AMERICA – 6:00 AM EST: An all day marathon of the last season of DOCTOR WHO is kicked off with the final TENNANT installment THE END OF TIME. You’ve only got to endure two hours to get to MATT SMITH, and it’s well worth it. Since this season was also available on home video November 9th I’m sure you’ll see plenty of commercials to buy it as well during the run today.

NBC – 8:00 PM: The series finale of OUTLAW airs proving once again that Saturday night is where cancelled shows go to die.

HBO – 10:00 PM: TRACY MORGAN: BLACK AND BLUE tries to continue the time honored tradition of a hilarious Saturday night HBO comedy special. Yes, I said tries.

SUNDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: CARRIE UNDERWOOD, LEANN RIMES and KEITH URBAN help the EXTREME MAKEOVER: HOME EDITION team rebuild a school. Yes, HOME EDITION rebuilds a  SCHOOL. I guess they’ll be brushing up on reading comprehension while they are there.

TLC – 9:00 PM: Because we just haven’t gotten enough of her the good folks at TLC decided we really needed to see SARAH PALIN’S ALASKA. I’m sure it is majestic, beautiful and filled with at least 10 minutes of political crazy talk.

PBS – 9:00 PM: In a way it is sort of fitting that the woman who did the most notorious SARAH PALIN impersonation is honored and it airs opposite her TLC premiere with tonight’s counter-programming of TINA FEY: THE MARK TWAIN PRIZE. Talk about going rogue!

Welcome back to another edition of TV Or Not TV where the only thing I really want to talk about is THE WALKING DEAD.

I’m sure that there are plenty of you out there right now that are sick and tired of hearing about THE WALKING DEAD. Your friends, loved ones, social media acquaintances and the like have been going on and on about it and you are just so sick of hearing about it you might be relieved that it has finally aired thinking this will quell the hype. After seeing the premiere last night I’m sorry to tell you that you will probably get not respite from THE WALKING DEAD until the last episode of the season airs.

Let me tell you in advance of my review that I did not read the comic at all. I know nothing of the story, had no idea what was going to happen last night, and I was completely glued to my television from the moment that RICK GRIMES steps out of his police cruiser until the mesmerizing final frames of the overhead shot at the episodes end. Every single moment captured my attention and I was very pleased to learn that THE WALKING DEAD is not a show about zombies.

I’m sure some of you, just as I was last night, would be surprised to learn that at the heart of THE WALKING DEAD we actually have is a story about the human condition and how it copes with surviving in the most dire situations. Yes, there are zombies walking around and yes they crave flesh for food, but they are merely an element of the environment and don’t drive the story. They are the desert that must be crossed, the snow storm that must be survived or the ocean in which our characters need to stay afloat. I will admit that there is a bit more gore than you would find in one of those other types of survival stories, but it isn’t done in a horrific way. The gore almost exists to accentuate a point or to set the dire tone of what this world has become.

One of the most engaging parts of the story that is told is near the beginning when Sheriff’s Deputy RICK GRIMES (ANDREW LINCOLN) awakes from a coma in a hospital. He is confused, he is weak, and he has no idea what awaits him outside of his hospital room. Even though we as the viewer are privy to the fact that the dead are walking the Earth for a few fleeting moments we all get to share this horrific discovery just as RICK GRIMES does. We do not know what has happened to the world and we discover it right alongside of RICK as he witnesses things unimaginable. The entire sequence had me questioning what I myself would do in the situation, while at the same time I was having flashbacks to STU REDMAN escaping the CDC in STEPHEN KING’S THE STAND, one of my favorite KING novels (I guess I have a taste for the apocalyptic).

Within the first seven minutes of this first episode we get to see just how desperate times have become. As a father the encounter that occurs in the opening was very shocking for me to see, however it too accentuated the macabre choices one has to make in this post-zombie apocalyptic world. RICK clearly is a compassionate man and it is reflected in the choices he makes throughout the episode, but in this very first exchange if you watch closely at the final moments that actor ANDREW LINCOLN’s face is in frame you can see a hint of the realization that his character comes to in the actions he has to take.

It’s no surprise that THE WALKING DEAD has a very cinematic feel to it considering the driving force behind the first episode was FRANK DARABONT. DARABONT’s work on THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION and THE GREEN MILE prove that he knows how to adapt a story and bring it to life. I’ve been told he’s done a wonderful job of staying true to his source material with THE WALKING DEAD even when needing to change things to bring the comic to the small screen. The visuals that are done in this series almost are as much a character as any of the actors we see on screen. If you want any confirmation, wait for that final overhead shot that I mentioned as the screen fades to black on this first episode. It is a thing of near-beauty as you watch the action that plays out before your eyes in a wonderful blend of chaos and choreography.

I can’t wait for more of this amazing show and if the subsequent episodes are even half as good as this pilot this show will prove once again that AMC is building more and more to an original programming power house.

One of the shows that I was most looking forward to seeing this fall after hearing about it was NO ORDINARY FAMILY on ABC. If you’re a regular reader of this column this probably isn’t a surprise at all since the shows I like lean towards a geekier flavor and NO ORDINARY FAMILY certainly fits the bill.

Before viewing the first episode of NO ORDINARY FAMILY I understood the premise of the show since it is one very familiar to most comic book readers. A family survives a plain crash in Brazil and not long after they start to experience super-human powers. The premise at first sounds very formulaic and I for one was left wondering where they could go with this? What new ground could they cover? Is the ordinary people with extraordinary abilities story ready to be taken in again after so many were burned so badly by the recently departed HEROES?

After seeing the pilot I was extremely happy both with the way that the premise is being handled as well as the possibilities of the future of the show. These are not perfect people that have their lives improved by their new abilities. This is the typical family caught up in the modern age and all of the dysfunction that goes with it. JIM POWELL (MICHAEL CHIKLIS) is the dad who considers himself a failed artist that is now reduced to doing sketches of suspects who is trying desperately to keep his family together. STEPHANIE POWELL (JULIE BENZ) is the mom who is an over-achieving medical researcher who is losing the connection to her husband and family the more she is excelling at work. DAPHNE POWELL (KAY PANABAKER) is the typical teenage daughter and J.J. POWELL (JIMMY BENNETT) is the son who’s most critical issue appears to be poor academic performance. This show is not a case of THE BRADY BUNCH GET SUPER. In today’s society they are the snapshot of an ordinary family.

The pilot for the show sets all of the above up pretty well for us in a very quick manner. The important beats are hit and we are rushed quickly to the vacation, the plane crash, and back home so the main part of our story can be told. It goes without saying, I think, that the discovery of the super abilities is the funnest part of the pilot (at least for the sci-fi lovin’ types like myself). Many a comic reader have dreamed of the moment where they would first discover super-human strength or speed and the show deliveries on these moments in ways I’m sure most of us have pictured them. The show also addresses the confusion or frustration such discoveries might also cause. One of my personal favorite moments is after STEPHANIE has revealed to a co-worker her abilities and as they test them the co-worker asks the same real world questions the audience might be asking as well.

The possibilities for the future of the show are also shown to us in JIM’s exploration of his new abilities. His job is an obvious plot convenience since he works for the police department and helps make a natural progression in the direction of a possible crime-fighting super-hero. His best friend GEORGE ST. CLOUD (ROMANY MALCO from WEEDS) helps to push JIM in this direction and by episodes end establishes himself pretty well as the potential sidekick. The discovery of a villain that also has super abilities finishes off the foundation of the shows potential, at least in the crime fighting direction.

The part of the show that I think will prove to be more entertaining is more of the real life conflict that may come from having these super-abilities. High school is complicated enough but DAPHNE’s new ability could further isolate her from the people around her. J.J.’s ability is certain to raise some eyebrows that will cause headaches for his parents both in dealing with him and as the school system itself feels the possible repercussions.

Since I already raised a semi-comparison early on I can certainly say that the beginning of NO ORDINARY FAMILY is far less mysterious and frustrating than the original pilot of HEROES. This show makes me want to watch to see what might not happen next and not because I feel I have to in order to understand what is going on. The show also feels more accessible than NBC’s upcoming THE CAPE which, from the trailer, looks more like a show you might see in Saturday syndication rather than network prime time. NO ORDINARY FAMILY is a family friendly show that I’d definitely recommend you all take in when it premieres Tuesday, September 28th.

With all of that said let’s move on to what viewing options are(n’t) recommended for this week.

MONDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: I only mention this special installment of MINUTE TO WIN IT because the contestants are former MISS USA and UNIVERSE winners who are playing for charity. At this point NBC’s ratings might be considered the charity.

ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: I only mention THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER because everyone forgets AMY’s birthday, which was the plot of SIXTEEN CANDLES and MOLLY RINGWALD plays AMY’s mom on this show. That is all.

LIFETIME – 9:00 PM: I only mention BOND OF SILENCE because GREG GRUNBERG is once again playing a police office and this time he has no special mind-reading abilities like he did on the aforementioned HEROES.

MTV – 10:00 PM: It’s the season finale of THE HARD TIMES OF RJ BERGER but don’t worry folks, he’s been renewed for another season.

TUESDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: I only mention WIPEOUT tonight because it’s not every day you get to write, “Are the Wipeout Weenies going to replace the Big Balls tonight?”

FOX – 8:00 PM: Tonight’s GLEE-peat is SECTIONALS, which was originally supposed to serve as the first season finale before the the show blew up. It served that purpose very well and I’m probably going to watch it again out of respect.

SYFY – 9:00 PM: The WAREHOUSE 13 agents try to have a relaxing weekend but wouldn’t you know it, one of those pesky artifacts get in the way. This is almost as surprising as well GILLIGAN and the castaways almost get off the island and something keeps them stuck there at the last minute.

WEDNESDAY

CBS – 8:00 PM: Tonight on BIG BROTHER the veto competition is held and this is one of the ones where the House Guests must suffer to win. Tune in with me and enjoy their pain.

E! – 8:00 PM: I still haven’t seen the cable edited version of KNOCKED UP yet. Probably not going to tonight as well.

ABC – 9:00 PM: It’s another painfully barren night of programming so I’m recommending a repeat of MODERN FAMILY simply because even at its worst it’s better than most (and this episode is great).

BET 9:00 PM: Grab your only friend, Abba Zabba, and watch HALF BAKED when it’s on cable for free.

THURSDAY

USA – 6:00 AM: If you love BURN NOTICE and don’t have to work today then you are in luck. An all day marathon kicks off with the last few shows of last season at 6 AM with the current season starting at 10:00 AM. All of this leads up to the season finale at 9:00 PM.

NBC – 8:00 PM: Tonight’s episode of COMMUNITY is one of the shining examples of why this was one of my new favorite shows of last season.

CBS – 8:00 PM: Fans of BIG BROTHER will revel in tonight’s double eviction as they play out an entire week of the show’s eviction process in one night. The best part is that the House Guests have no idea that it’s coming.

DISNEY – 9:00 PM: Did I say something about super-hero families? How about gathering up the family for tonight’s airing of THE INCREDIBLES?

FRIDAY

SYFY – 9:00 PM: Other then tonight’s episode of EUREKA tonight’s schedule is a house of horrors. Don’t believe me? Let me demonstrate.

FUSE – 8:00 PM: The painful and horrific GLITTER staring Mariah Carey.

AMC – 8:00 PM: STEVEN SEAGAL’s scarily acted OUT FOR JUSTICE.

TNT – 8:00 PM: The bloody train-wreck that is the ADAM SANDLER’s remake of THE LONGEST YARD.

USA – 8:30 PM: The horribly unfunny WELCOME HOME ROSCOE JENKINS.

FX – 10:00 PM: The terrifyingly bad MY SUPER EX-GIRLFRIEND.

At this point I’m writing off Friday folks.

SATURDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: If you can stomach it for two hours NBC promises that tonight all will be revealed in what is sure to be the series finale of PERSONS UNKNOWN.

BBCA – 9:00 PM: ANNIE helps a psychic speak to the dead in tonight’s episode of BEING HUMAN.

SUNDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: Schedule dominance is probably a shoe in tonight for NBC with the 62ND PRIME TIME EMMY AWARDS.

ANIMAL PLANET – 9:00 PM: Speaking of award shows, remember when THE COVE won the Oscar and they cut away because one of the producers held up a sign? Well, you can watch the award winning documentary tonight.

CBS – 8:00 PM: The Eviction Nomination ceremony on tonight’s BIG BROTHER won’t stand a chance against the EMMY’s I’m sure.

ABC – 8:00 PM: The Alphabet Network is really hoping you’d rather watch DANIEL CRAIG as JAMES BOND in CASINO ROYALE instead of that silly award show.

After last year’s season finale of WEEDS I was both concerned and excited for the return of the show for another season. With the sheer force of a cricket mallet it would have been near criminal for the show not to return but where it goes could be a crime as well.

When WEEDS first came out the show was interesting and compelling. Seeing widowed NANCY BOTWIN trying to deal with the recent loss of her husband and turning to the sale of marijuana to make ends meet was a fascinating dynamic. Seeing this struggling now single mother with two young boys and trying to appear to have a normal life in the face of the difficulties of being a small time drug dealer played out really well and kept you coming back week after week. This all came to a head, however, in the end of the third season when the suburban community went up in flames and the show changed forever.

When you look at the show as a whole the hardest part to deal with, for me, is the way that NANCY has chosen to live her life and repeatedly makes the wrong decisions. In many ways, as a viewer and a parent, it is frustrating to see her constantly jeopardize the lives of her family and friends. I suppose, however, that NANCY keeps making these bad decisions because she’s always been able to get herself out of trouble and hasn’t really suffered any serious consequences yet, even though last season certainly provided the strongest examples of near sever consequences. Maybe when the show reaches its conclusion we’ll see the consequences play out completely.

In the sixth season opener we get the tying up of the stories that were put into play in the season finale as it picks up right from there. We get to see ALANIS MORISSETTE at least one more time and we also see the BOTWIN’s band together after parting ways. When I viewed the first episode I actually hadn’t seen the season six trailer available at the official SHOWTIME website but it didn’t take seeing the trailer to tell that they were once again trying to set the series up for another change. I don’t know if this is because the show’s creative team feel the Ren Mar/Mexico story line has played out or not but I’m more than happy for another change. Whatever the change is, however, they had better get DOUG and DEAN back in to the mix as well since these characters help provide a lot of comic relief that can be needed in NANCY’s world where the story can get pretty dark at any moment.

If you have SHOWTIME than you’ll be able to enjoy the season premiere of WEEDS at 10:00 PM on Monday, August 16th.

I have to admit that right now TV is so bleak I’m only willing to put the effort into telling you one thing each day that might be worth watching (or definitely avoiding). I may make an exception or two but here’s what I’ve got folks.

MONDAY

SHO – 10:00 PM: In case you didn’t notice above I think WEEDS is still worth the watch.

TUESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: I looked and I looked. Seriously, it’s a crap night of television. Two hours of GLEE repeats really are the best I can find to offer until WAREHOUSE 13 comes on SYFY later.

WEDNESDAY

CBS – 8:00 PM: OK, only people that actually watch BIG BROTHER will care about tonight because a certain annoying girl from Vegas gets back in the House and we’ll probably see it tonight.

FOOD – 8:00 PM: OK, having never been to one of those LA food trucks I might consider watching tonight’s THE GREAT FOOD TRUCK RACE.

THURSDAY

FOOD – 8:00 PM: Who’s birght idea was it to give one of those TV animal experts a cooking show? I don’t know how EXTREME CUISINE WITH JEFF CORWIN couldn’t be kind of creepy or gross since he’s usually telling us why the animals are cool instead of delicious.

FRIDAY

SYFY – 9:00 PM: There were only two real choices for viewing tonight and since I couldn’t stand the constantly shirtless Mathew MacConaughey in FOOL’S GOLD on TBS I have to go with my current Friday Night favorite: EUREKA.

IFC – 10:00 PM: If you’ve been waiting for something new from THE KIDS IN THE HALL then tonight is your night as their new miniseries THE KIDS IN THE HALL:DEATH COMES TO TOWN premieres.

SATURDAY

SYFY – 9:00 PM: LAKE PLACID 3 airs tonight. I wasn’t even aware there was a LAKE PLACID 2. With it being on SYFY though we just know it has to be a quality film.

BBC AMERICA – 9:00 PM: Having already seen the entire second season of BEING HUMAN I have to tell you now that if you haven’t watched the show get your hands on the first season and get caught up some how. The final episode of this season is a humdinger.

SUNDAY

DISC – 9:00 PM: That’s it, I’m throwing in the towel. After I watch BIG BROTHER on CBS at 8:00 PM I’ll be watching a MYTHBUSTERS repeat until TRUE BLOOD is on. Man TV sucks right now!

If there are those of yout hat have been waiting for a time where I sit down to write this column and finally stop talking about DOCTOR WHO than I’ve got some really good news for you: next week will finally be that column. This week, however, I’m still bubbling over having re-lived THE BIG BANG and just dying to speak about it in full now that it has finally aired in here in the US of A.

Unlike season finale’s of the past this whacky bit of timey-whimey goodness did something that I wasn’t expecting at all in becoming a fairy tale by the episode’s end. It kicked off rather fast paced from the moment that young AMELIA gets up from praying to Santa and doesn’t really stop until we finally learn how the DOCTOR plans on un-doing the event that caused all of reality to cease to exist.

The structure of the episode was executed in a near perfect fashion by ensuring that it provided payoff to it’s core audience first. After the initial set up where we learn that the Earth is still there and the sky has no stars the timey-whimey bit kicks in with secret messages left for AMELIA POND that lead to the big reveal that inside the PANDORICA is none other than her older self. Then we see RORY cradling the recently killed AMY for a few ticks before the DOCTOR pops in, wielding a broom in one hand and a fez on his head, giving RORY his sonic screwdriver to free him from the PANDORICA. See? Time travel goodness handed off in a bit of mind-bending sci-fi for the audience to revel in. This bit is very important because what happens next is nothing but pure romance.

There were two moments last week where I wrote that the performance of ARTHUR DARVILL as RORY really endeared me to the character. The first is when the now self-aware Nestene duplicate RORY decides not to join the DOCTOR in his jump to the future to stay behind and guard the Pandorica to ensure AMY will be kept safe. He does so knowing that any damage to himself will be permanent, he will never sleep the whole time and he’s got 2000 years to act as her protector. The impact of this is then revealed as AMY watches the museum description of the iconic soldier that guarded the Pandorica through the ages, the ultimate act of love. This moment is only overshadowed by the reunion of the two minutes later when it’s revealed RORY is now a guard at the museum housing the Pandorica. Both of these moments are greater than any the actor was asked to do before on the show and he did so with believable emotion and dedication.

The near perfect structure once again turns back when we finally see the other side of all the time jumping bits from the beginning from the other perspective. This amusing bit plays out very well but comes with it a very heavy hand when after all is said and done the DOCTOR from 12 minutes in the future comes back to deliver a message to himself prior to appearing to die. On they go to disover the sun for this Earth is actually the burning and exploding TARDIS, that also has RIVER SONG trapped in a safety time loop. The DOCTOR pops in to save her and after she, with AMY’s help, destroys the fez we see how the DOCTOR becomes injured before popping back in time 12 minutes. Solid sci-fi, right?

After ALEX KINGSTON as RIVER SONG faces down a DALEK (and fanboys around the world squee in delight) we begin to move into the hands down two best performances that MATT SMITH has given all season. The first is as he’s seated in the PANDORICA, preparing to fly it into the exploding TARDIS to save all of reality (again). This wounded and weary DOCTOR asks to speak to AMY prior to take off and MATT SMITH, for such a young actor, taps into something ancient and wise beyond his years. He suddenly transforms himself into a grandfather like character in tone and he really sells it.

After his plan to save reality works we see the DOCTOR going backwards on his own time line as his existence is being undone. He quickly discovers that AMY, having grown up by one of these cracks, has the ability to hear him but not see him. This leads to that moment I wrote wondering about weeks ago from FLESH AND STONE where he is once again in his jacket when he should be jacket-less and he tells AMY the importance of remembering what he told her when she was seven. The very next scene leads us to what it was he told her, which is a wonderful tale of a man who seems to be accepting his fate and he speaks of himself and the life he’s lived to a sleeping AMELIA POND before he walks into the crack and saves everything (again).

The moment the DOCTOR started going back on his timeline the story quietly transitioned to that fairy tale I was talking about. The wonderful speaches lead to AMY waking up to a world where
her entire family and life was restored in ways we hadn’t even know it was fractured by the crack’s in time/space. As we see her wedding day events transpire and we slowly discover that the DOCTOR wasn’t being reflective at all on his life but he was in fact planting himself into AMY’s mind to try to bring himself back. “Nothing’s ever forgotten, not really,” the DOCTOR had said before and once remembered it can be brought back. The DOCTOR chose his words carefully so that the TARDIS becomes the “something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blew” for AMY and her memory and belief in the DOCTOR, much like the clapping for Tinkerbell, brings him back. This revelation could have potentially been one of the hokier scenes of the show however KAREN GILLAN as AMY delivers her lines with such conviction and emotion that belief, for me, gets completely suspended and a near eye-watering moment occurs.

As I also wrote about last week there were hints of what is to come next season. RIVER tells the DOCTOR that very soon he will know who she is and she’s sorry because that’s when everything changes. That’s a pretty good indicator that she’ll be back next season. The DOCTOR himself even mentions how the SILENCE or whatever it was that took control of the TARDIS is still out there. Could this be what next year’s arc story will be (and will we find out why the voice that said “SILENCE WILL FALL” sounded so much like DAVROS)? All really good questions that we won’d find out for another nine or 10 month’s I’m sure but we do at least have a Christmas special to look forward too!

Now that we’ve gotten down to my final WHAT on WHO let’s find out what what I’ll say to watch this week, shall we?

MONDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: A bunch of guys clearly don’t know the man code as they talk all about how they were rejected on THE BACHELORETTE: THE MEN TELL ALL.

NBC – 9:00 PM: With less finalists on tonight’s LAST COMIC STANDING maybe the laugh-to-minute ratio will be back on track tonight.

HBO – 9:00 PM: Considering how much I was destroyed by what I saw in THE BLIND SIDE the harsh reality depicted in the documentary HOMELESS: MOTEL KIDS OF ORANGE COUNTY.

ABC – 10:00 PM: What, two hours of whining dudes not enough for you? Go behind the scenes of all the BACHELOR/ETTE stuff in tonight’s 20/20 SPECIAL: BEHIND THE ROSE.

TUESDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: Having seen not a single frame yet I have to wonder how much of BREAKTHROUGH WITH TONY ROBBINS will be life changing and how much will ask me to buy his life changing program (again).

DISC – 9:00 PM: While still coping with the loss of CAPTAIN PHIL the DEADLIEST CATCH crew has to deal with a stormy and difficult Bergin Sea in tonight’s season finale.

FOX – 9:00 PM: CHEF GORDON RAMSAY continues his televised take-over with tonight’s premiere of his new show MASTER CHEF.

A&E – 10:00 PM: Hoping for some FAMILY JEWELS magic A&E follows the family of former TWISTED SISTER front man DEE SNIDER in GROWING UP TWISTED. Will we like it or are we not going to take it?

DISC – 10:00 PM: There’s reality TV and then there’s REALITY TV when it comes to THE COLONY. It’s dirty, gritty, and there’s no creature comforts at all. I love it.

WEDNESDAY

THE CW – 9:00 PM: The CW premieres their make-over/dating help show titled PLAIN JANE.

ANIMAL PLANET – 9:00 PM: You know there really is a building hoarding problem in America when a show like ANIMAL HOARDERS is even possible. Tonight’s episode features a husband finally putting his foot down with his wife’s 87 dogs. Yeah, 87.

THURSDAY

ABC – 11:00 AM: I don’t watch THE VIEW but I’d love to tune in today to see ELISABETH HASSELBECK getting violently ill when PRESIDENT OBAMA is life in the studio.

CBS – 8:00 PM: Will it be KATHY or ANDREW making the walk of shame out of the BIG BROTHER house tonight? Hopefully, after this, we’re one exit away from them trying to put someone previously booted back in the house.

MTV – 10:00 PM: That sound you are hearing are the embarrassed groans of millions of NEW JERSEY natives as by tonight’s return of JERSEY SHORE.

FRIDAY

TLC – 8:00 PM: A three episode mini-marathon of SAY YES TO THE DRESS leads up to the 9:30 premiere of the newest annex SAY YES TO THE DRESS:ATLANTA.

ABC – 8:00 PM: Seems WIFE SWAP is really scraping the bottom of the barrel as one wife is dedicated to helping her son’s hip-hop career where as the other is a neglectful step-mom that would rather hunt the elusive Swamp Ape in Florida. Yes, you read that right.

SATURDAY

ABC FAMILY – 12:30 PM: First there’s all three BACK TO THE FUTURE movies and they’re followed up by GREASE and GREASE 2? Oh man, if the channel didn’t have commercials I’d have no reason to move.

USA – 1:00 PM: OK, so DOC BROWN isn’t up your alley? How about all three PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN movies?

FX – 2:00 PM: WOW! This Saturday is MARATHON-TASTIC! How about five hours of the FOX summer show THE GOOD GUYS?

NBC – 8:00 PM: This week’s winner of the “I stopped giving a crap” award goes to PERSONS UNKNOWN.

SYFY – 9:00 PM: This week’s most obvious rip-off of an INDIANA JONES movie award goes to JACK HUNTER: THE LOST TREASURE OF UGARIT.

SUNDAY

FOX – 7:00 PM: I enjoyed the pilot but the swiftness that FOX ushered TYLER LABINE‘s show SONS OF TUCSON off the air made me miss most of the rest of the run. Tonight they limply air the series finale.

AMC – 8:00 PM: I’ve heard so much about RUBICON that I have to tune in even if I don’t want to.

CBS – 8:00 PM: It’s that time of the week again where we find out who the new HoH puts up on the chopping block on BIG BROTHER. Hopefully it will be RACHEL because I just can’t stand people that yell talk at the camera.

AMC – 10:00 PM: With the new agency landing a big client it’s time for a party on MAD MEN.

To say that I’m looking forward to this Saturday is probably an extreme understatement. The family has absolutely nothing on the calendar, I’m going to get all my chores caught up on Friday and I plan on firmly planting myself in front of the TV on SATURDAY because there’s a DOCTOR WHO marathon all day on BBC AMERICA that kicks off at 9 AM E / 6 AM P.

Usually saying that there is a DOCTOR WHO marathon on BBC AMERICA isn’t a very special commentary since they do happen from time to time. This Saturday however they are re-airing the entire run of the most recent series of DOCTOR WHO that will culminate with the season finale titled THE BIG BANG. US audiences will finally find out how the PANDORICA will be re-opened, how all of existence will be restored and how a fez is just as cool as a bow tie. THE BIG BANG is filled with all kinds of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey goodness that draws you in from the get go with a big reveal right before the opening credits that dropped my jaw.

Before I get too much into THE BIG BANG I’d be remiss not to mention the incredible gem that this entire series of DOCTOR WHO has been. I know that prior to it’s debut there was some trepidation about the casting of MATT SMITH as THE DOCTOR. I think most people would agree that this was dispelled within the first 10 minutes of the season’s opening episode THE ELEVENTH HOUR. SMITH brings a natural energy and quirkiness to the role that fans are able to gobble up almost every moment that he’s on screen. He’s able to do all this but also still provide a grounded and in some cases contained performance, bringing out the natural cockiness that we’ve come to expect from THE DOCTOR without being over-the-top.

In all fairness I admit I’m not just a hopeless devotee that’s been watching this season through rose colored glasses. I freely admit that I was somewhat under-impressed with episodes like VICTORY OF THE DALEKS, THE VAMPIRES OF VENICE and the two-parter THE HUNGRY EARTH / COLD BLOOD, but even in not being some of the better episodes of the season they were better than, say, anything that HEROES did in it’s last three seasons. Those four episodes only suffer from not being as strong in quality for me as the other episodes this season. THE BEAST BELOW let us get a better idea about who our new DOCTOR is, gave us more insight into our new companion and told a good tale. The WEEPING ANGELS two-part episode was everything you would expect from those creepy stone creatures as well as brining us back the mysterious RIVER SONG (who has had some of the best scenes in her first appearances both in TIME OF ANGELS and THE PANDORICA OPENS). VINCENT AND THE DOCTOR didn’t have the strongest alien story but it did have a very emotionally powerful tale to tell in the last fifteen minutes spent with VINCENT VAN GOGH. I still have to say that THE LODGER is one of my favorite episodes of the season since it was an excellent light-hearted tale where we get to see THE DOCTOR trying to deal with living a normal human life while still being THE DOCTOR. It’s humor was the perfect pallet cleanser right before the two-part season finale. Which brings us back to…

THE BIG BANG, which can be seen at 9 PM E / 6 PM P, was probably the finest hour of this season and it’s the season finale I’ve been wanting to see for a while. The cliffhanger from the preceding episode isn’t almost immediately dismissed and as the rest of the episode unveils what we see is still germane to the story we’ve been watching from the episode before. Every single member of the cast turns in a great performance and one of the standouts has to be ARTHUR DORVILL as RORY. He transitions from a character that I was willing to put up with into a character that I can’t wait to see more of. KAREN GILLAN’s AMY POND does an excellent job as well in this episode as she, early on, brings some of THE DOCTOR’s quirky delivery into her own. MATT SMITH, of course, knocks it out of the park.

There’s not really much more I can say without getting spoiler-ish so I should probably contain myself out of respect to my fellow US watchers who may not have been as ambitious as I was to already see THE BIG BANG. I will warn you to brace yourself for a surprising and wonderfully emotional performance by MATT SMITH near the end of the episode. I was also very pleased to see a part of this season clearly carrying on into the next season as THE DOCTOR himself names a mystery that is still unsolved.

There you have it folks. There’s very little else on television that I really care about this week so my one big recommendation for the week is to either introduce yourself, or say hello again, to THE DOCTOR and watch the DOCTOR WHO marathon on BBC AMERICA.

Oh, did I mention that BEING HUMAN’s second season also premieres right after? It’s a win-win for sure.

With the summer days completely underway I have to admit that writing a column about all the television out there that I am not actually watching is a bit of a stretch. Rather than put out a disingenuous column I’d rather write this week about the things that I actually have been watching (or plan to). I hope you don’t mind bearing with me during this interlude before the return of my regular prattle and daily TV bread down.

Big Brother’s Back
Every year I have a guilty pleasure during the summer season and it is CBS’s BIG BROTHER. It isn’t because the TV show is creative and done well, it isn’t for the blatant attempts that they do to make the players on the show (known as HOUSE GUESTS) visually appealing, and it isn’t for the diversity they also decide to plunk into the house to drum up friction. I simply love watching the show to see the way that regular social graces and group dynamics break down so quickly.

If you aren’t aware of the concept of BIG BROTHER in its US incarnation the idea is very simple: a sound stage is turned into a house, complete with an outdoor backyard, where there are over 50 cameras and microphones following around a group of contestants as they try to make it through SURVIVOR like internal voting eliminations while also competing for the things we take for granted every day: hot water, food, etc. Throughout all of this the House is not allowed any contact with the outside world. For 75 days this micro-community is all there is for these people and usually this means that they all go a little nuts.

The producers of the show also know exactly what to do in order to create artificial drama or on-camera romance in order to fill time with the three weekly airings of the show: the provide plenty of alcohol to the HOUSE GUESTS. This helps lubricate arguments, conflict and romance. It helps increase paranoia, bad choices and helps the HOUSE GUESTS to blunder things up.

This early on, with the show just starting, it’s very always very hard for me to get into the show because with 13 people living in a house at the same time it is hard for me to get all of these people straight. Each year they’ve tried to do something in the very beginning to help avoid this problem (at least for me) by introducing an early twist or idea. One season it was that the house was stocked with people and their ex-boyfriend/girlfriends. Another season they had twins playing secretly as one person (trading places in the special confessional/interview area known as THE DIARY ROOM), and another season they had people secretly playing as partners (each thinking they were the only ones). One of the better gimicss was the use of AMERICA’S PLAYER, a person that was playing to win but also had to do the things that we, the home viewer, voted for them to do. They would have to vote how we wanted them to vote, do stunts we told them to do which brought a new level of interactivity to the viewing experience.

Seeing as how this is the 12th season of BIG BROTHER, however, I think the idea well is running a little dry because they’ve flat out lifted a concept straight out of another reality show by putting THE MOLE into the house, only BIG BROTHER calls this person THE SABOTEUR. The SABOTEUR has one goal in the show: undermine the other players and get to the half-way point without being discovered for a clean $50,000. Considering BIG BROTHER only has two winners and second place gets you the same amount as the SABOTEUR will win it’s a pretty solid plan considering the odds of winning are only two in 13.

In an early smart move the show hasn’t revealed to us, the audience, who this SABOTEUR is. In an early dumb move they are going to reveal the person during this Thursday’s live eviction show. I say this is a dumb move because I enjoy not knowing who the SABOTEUR is and would rather enjoy their undermining antics while trying to determine who they are. This puts me in the same frame of mind as the HOUSE GUESTS and allows me to experience a bit of what they are going through first hand. Instead we’ll just be seeing them play out their antics much in the same way we already have from watching AMERICA’S PLAYER do their dirty work.

If you are interested in watching BIG BROTHER you can catch it on CBS weekly on Sunday, Wednesday and Thursday at 8 PM.

Are you PSYCH’d
Summer always brings plenty of original programming on the USA NETWORK and July is no exception with the premiere of PSYCH this Wednesday, July 14 @ 10/9c. PSYCH is one of those shows that I enjoy watching every season solely for the performances of JAMES RODAY and DULE HILL. Their characters are entertainingly written, well performed and the actors portray an excellent chemistry. The one thing that is disappointing for me when it comes to PSYCH, however, is how far the show has really stretched away from its original concept.

The original PILOT of PSYCH had JAMES RODAY’s SHAWN SPENCER having an incredibly well crafted and honed sense of perception who picked up on finer details that others would overlook that was matched with a very good deductive reasoning (if you saw the recent SHERLOCK HOLMES movie you know exactly what I’m talking about). The first few episodes of the first season were able to carry this concept but near the end of that initial run it began to erode. Now there are very few things that I feel like SHAWN observes that anyone else could pick up on, very few deductions made that anyone else couldn’t also come to. Considering I keep watching you can tell that this change hasn’t pushed me away.

… and finally, EUREKA (and others)
Even though the baffling name change happened the majority of the programming on SYFY really hasn’t. This past week on the network we saw the premieres of WAREHOUSE 13, EUREKA and the new show HAVEN. Of the three my favorite has to be EUREKA. The show is just silly science fiction fun set in the fictional town of Eureka, OR where a secretly funded brain trust of scientists push the boundaries of what we know in the name of progress.

The show, now in it’s fourth season, has had an interesting evolution and it’s once again played with time travel. At the end of the first season, a glimpse into the future five years from where the show started, had SHERIFF JOHN CARTER had to travel back in time to the present in order to undo someone else’s meddling. In doing so he undid the very future we saw, something that I’ve been wondering if they would ever come back to. This season opener didn’t exactly take us back there but instead displaced many characters back to the 1940’s. In getting back, just as they always do, they inadvertently brought back one of the town founders, played by BATTLESTAR GALACTICA’s JAMES CALLIS (BALTAR) and now things are different. I’m hoping the changes won’t be permanent and will instead just be a plot line that plays across a few episodes. Seeing as how JAMES CALLIS is a brilliant actor I’m hoping he’ll be the one thing that they are able to keep around for a while.

That’s it for this column. Come back next week and I’m sure I’ll have a mouthful of other things to say as well as some of the listings all of you (hopefully) enjoy.

Welcome to another edition of TV or Not TV where I feel like summer is now actually here.

In general I have nothing against the Summer Solstice. It serves a purpose, it’s there for a reason, but it never really feels to me like the start of summer. Yes the temperature is warmer, the daylight sticks around longer, but it takes the American tradition and holiday of the 4th of July to really make me get in the mood. Family is together, the nation is on break, and there is the time honored tradition of TV marathon’s being put on because the network’s know that no one will really be watching.

Some network’s this 4th of July are getting creative and others just can’t get unstuck from their rut. SPIKE is once again rolling out the all STAR WARS marathon starting with PHANTOM MENACE and playing all the way through RETURN OF THE JEDI starting at 9 AM. I suppose I can’t blame them since they probably payed a pretty penny for the airing rights. It would still be nice, however, to see the network for “men” put on something other than the tragic train wreck that are the prequels before putting on what an entire generation knows as the true START WARS trilogy.

FX steps up to the marathon plate with a super hero themed bonanza. At 8 AM they roll out BATMAN BEGINS, followed by FANTASTIC FOUR, FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER, X-MEN: THE LAST STAND and SPIDER-MAN 3. It’s too bad that out of all of those movies the only one really worth watching is BATMAN BEGINS. They are rolling out a pretty nice theme but the implementation is lackluster at best.

BBC AMERICA kicks off an 8 hour STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION marathon at 9:00 AM E/ 6:00 AM P (check your local listing to be sure). ST:TNG being on BBC AMERICA is one of those things that’s kind of confused me but 8 hours of Next Gen is definitely better than anything else mentioned. Be sure to check out the fifth of the eight hours as it features the omnipotent Q sending Picard and crew into a ROBIN HOOD adventure if for no other reason than seeing WORF as a Merry Man.

DISCOVERY CHANNEL is rolling out 15 straight hours of DEADLIEST CATCH starting at 11:00 AM.

At 2:00 PM TBS kicks into sophmoric hijinx overdrive with THE RINGER followed by SCHOOL OF ROCK, ANCHORMAN: THE LEGEND OF RON BURGANDY and STARSKY & HUTCH. This isn’t exactly an Oscar nominated line up but considering the greater population might be watching inebriated I can understand the programming logic.

Hands down my favorite marathon of the day, however, has to go to the ENCORE channel. An all JAWS marathon kicks off at 12:30 PM starting with the original and it’s three completely inadequate sequels. Of all the marathons this one makes the most sense to me if for no other reason than the exscuse to air the original JAWS. When JAWS came out it was the start of the big summer blockbuster release. It was the first film to have used the “wide release” concept, it was the first to use targeted TV ad campaigns, and it marked the beginning of the summer movie release tradition. Most importantly, however, JAWS took the concept of the summer beach vacation, turned it on its ear and made it something terrifying. Whether it’s suspense was made creatively, budgetarily, or because the damned mechanical shark wouldn’t work doesn’t really matter because the final film works. As a boy it made me afraid of the water and as a grown man it makes me want to tune in and watch a classic I haven’t watched in at least 20 years (and I still can’t believe there are things that I haven’t seen again in 20 years).

So there you have it folks, a gathering of television that is and isn’t worth watching if you decide to stay in for the big summer holiday. Let’s now take a look at everything else that leads up to it.

MONDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: It’s the first round of the semifinals on LAST COMIC STANDING. I’ve actually chuckled in the first few hours of the show so I’ll be tuning in.

FOX – 9:00 PM: Tonight’s episode of THE GOOD GUYS features Dan being determined to solve a crime with the $3.52 he has in his pocket instead of using department resources. He must not be driving since that would hardly cover over a gallon of gas these days.

A&E – 9:00 PM: It’s an all new season of INTERVENTION and tonight features the touching story of a mother and son who both have drinking problems. It’s nice when kids still stay involved in their parent’s lives, isn’t it?

TUESDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: World Cup Fever takes over WIPEOUT as people now have to face falling on and dodging the Big Soccer Balls. Here’s hoping they also have to endure the Vuvuzela Tunnel of Doom.

NBC – 8:00 PM: If you haven’t been watching LOSING IT WITH JILLIAN MICHAELS you might want to give it a go to see the positive effects she actually has on these people’s lives. You could also be like me and mock the clearly staged ending sequences that close each episode.

BRAVO – 10:00 PM: Tonight on KATHY GRIFFIN: MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST we see KATHY take on the snow covered majesty of ALASKA after booking a gig up there. If seeing KATHY with LEVI JOHNSTON isn’t enough how about the suspsense of her going up to SARAH PALIN‘s front door?

NBC – 10:00 PM: The results of Monday’s semi-finals are played out on an episode of LAST COMIC STANDING I almost wasn’t aware of. Great scheduling NBC!

FX – 10:00 PM: RESCUE ME returns! ‘Nuff said.

WEDNESDAY

ANIMAL PLANET – 7:00 PM: Speaking of marathons you may not want to watch the four hour mini-marathon of MONSTERS INSIDE ME. It may put you off of Sunday’s BBQ.

IFC – 8:00 PM: HEATHERS was more than just a movie to the people I went through my teens with, it was an obsession.

HBO – 8:00 PM: If you’ve been busy for the past three weekends and want to watch all three episodes so far of TRUE BLOOD‘s new season then tonight is your night.

NBC – 8:00 PM: Two more hours of AMERICA’S GOT TALENT? Does NBC have any other shows on right now? For three nights now it’s been the same crap over and over!

COMEDY CENTRAL – 9:00 PM: Miss the premiere of the new season of FUTURAMA? Set your DVR to get half-caught up tonight before tomorrow’s all new episodes.

THURSDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: Tonight’s GLEE-peat is the episode marking the first guest-starring stint of Broadway darling KRISTIN CHENOWETH.

AMC – 8:00 PM: Get lost in a cinema period where men were men with three JOHN WAYNE classics back to back: HONDO, RIO BRAVO and THE WAR WAGON.

ABC – 8:00 PM: Get lost in the tranwreck of human dignity where men aren’t men in another episode this week of WIPEOUT.

COMEDY CENTRAL – 9:30 PM: Want to get caught up on the other half of the FUTURAMA premiere you missed last week? This one will lead you into the other two new episodes tonight at 10 and 10:30.

FRIDAY

USA – 6:00 AM: Turns out USA NETWORK is kicking off the marathon party right with 22 hours straight of ROYAL PAINS.

CNBC – 8:00 PM: The excess of the greed driven 80’s is personified in the incredible film WALL STREET. It almost makes me weep that a sequel is being made.

TBS – 9:00 PM: I’ve never seen the network television version of HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE. I might have to see it tonight just to laugh… and how bad the edit probably is.

SATURDAY

BBC AMERICA – 8:00 PM: Part of me was angry that BBC AMERICA wasn’t airing a new episode of DOCTOR WHO tonight but the fact that they are airing THE TIME OF ANGELS and FLESH AND STONE back-to-back almost makes up for it.

HALLMARK – 8:00 PM: The title says it all folks: DOLLY CELEBRATES 25 YEARS OF DOLLYWOOD. It’s OK, a few other people are actually celebrating with her too.

SUNDAY

All that stuff up above wasn’t enough huh? OK….

PBS – 8:00 PM: Kick off your night of televised 4th relexation with the A CAPITOL FOURTH concert hosted by JIMMY SMITS.

NBC – 9:00 PM: Keep the holiday going with THE MACY’S 4th of JULY FIREWORKS SPECTACTULAR from New York.

CBS – 10:00 PM: Wrap it all up with THE BOSTON POPS FIREWORKS SPECTACULAR hosted by CRAIG FERGUSON.

QUICK NOTE: I’m going to be talking about DOCTOR WHO again this week, and I’m going to be talking about episodes that haven’t aired in the US yet. If you don’t want to be spoiled just skip ahead to where you see the word MONDAY, ok?

In keeping my heart as pure as possible and my conscience as clean as I can I have to admit that when I first sat down this week to write what I affectionately refer to as the “upper portion” of this week’s column I was going to attempt a weak handed turn at talking about TRUE BLOOD. I know that many others in the same category of writing are doing just that and if I had an ounce of sense in my head I’d still muddle through the half-hearted and hack-like exercise in writing but truth be told I just don’t want to. TRUE BLOOD was good in its first season, it was great in its second season and it’s either going to be amazing in its third season or it is going to flounder. There are others much better at writing about television that can tell you all about it so let’s all just know that I had no interest in really saying anything about it other than what you find in this paragraph.

This week the direction my passion is leading my words is to talk mainly about the upcoming season finale for the 11th DOCTOR’s first series of DOCTOR WHO. Just like any good TIME LORD (or fan of a TIME LORD) I experience a bit of time shifting in my weekly watching of the show. If I were a person that lived in the UK I’d be two week’s away from this fifth series’ 13th episode. To say, at this point, that I’m very excited about this is a gross understatement. In the next two weeks we are going to find out what the PANDORICA is, we’re going to find out how that bit of shrapnel turned up in the crack in COLD BLOOD and we may find out if the DOCTOR had his coat back in FLESH AND STONE because of a production error or something greater (more on that last bit later).

I’m not the type of person to stick their head in the sand and say that there haven’t been some hiccups in this fifth series of DOCTOR WHO but thankfully there have been more good moments than bad. THE VICTORY OF THE DALEKS and THE VAMPIRES OF VENICE are probably the only two episodes out of the 11 that have aired so far that I have had much fault with at all. Their stories didn’t hold me, there was something that just didn’t feel right while watching them and for one reason or another I was just put off by them. That still leaves nine episodes so far that have aired that I’ve enjoyed and watched repeatedly after their original air dates. That’s a pretty decent track record. This coming week on BBC AMERICA they will be airing “VINCENT AND THE DOCTOR” which, though polarizing for fans of the show, I thoroughly loved. It accomplished a loving tribute to VINCENT VAN GOGH both in context and cinematography. What some found cheesy I found refreshing and touching and even at the risk of you hating it I would say that I recommend it.

Throughout this season there have been seeds planted and growing towards this finale. PRISONER ZERO told us, “The Pandorica will open. Silence will fall” in THE ELEVENTH HOUR and since then the same crack that allowed for his escape has been following the DOCTOR (or has it actually been following the TARDIS?). In FLESH AND STONE we learned that it undoes the time of any that it consumes, erasing them from existence. We’ve gotten hints that its effect has reached across the galaxy and we’ve even seen first hand what happens to someone when they are taken by the crack in COLD BLOOD when the very existence of RORY was undone. We also know that RIVER SONG will be present when the PANDORICA opens because she told us so in FLESH AND STONE. The last real nugget we received was from COLD BLOOD when we found out that a piece of shrapnel from the explosion that causes the crack was a piece of the TARDIS.

With all of these clues laid out for us the real question that I have that I’m sure we will have answered in two weeks is just how important is AMY POND to the resolution of this PANDORICA/SILENCE FALLING situation? She, as a seven year old, was the person that introduced us to this time consuming crack. Ever since she came aboard the TARDIS we’ve been seeing the crack following either her, the DOCTOR or the TARDIS itself. The date the DOCTOR was able to ascertain the explosion that caused the crack to happen was the day of AMY’s wedding. AMY doesn’t remember the DALEK invasion in THE STOLEN EARTH. Every way you look at it things all seem to point back, one way or another, to AMY. Then there’s the matter of the DOCTOR’s coat.

Back in the episode FLESH AND STONE there was a strange thing that happened that I knew was strange but I didn’t know why. I can’t pretend to be smart enough to have put my finger on it myself but thankfully the fine fellows of the DOCTOR WHO-centric podcast RADIO FREE SKARO made me realize why it was strange without going in to great detail. The strange thing that I’m talking about is the moment that the DOCTOR has to leave AMY behind in the atmosphere-generating woods. In this scene we see the DOCTOR in shirt and bow-tie but without his coat because it was left in the grasping hands of a WEEPING ANGEL. Immediately after he leaves her he’s back again, but this time he’s behaving different. He seems less angry and more nurturing towards AMY. He delivers a cryptic message to her about her having to start trusting him and then they have the following exchange:

AMY: “Doctor, the crack in my wall. How can it be here?”
DOCTOR: “I don’t know yet but I’m working it out”¦Remember what I told you when you were seven?”
AMY: “What did you tell me?”
DOCTOR: “No. That’s not the point. You have to remember.”

And then the DOCTOR is gone again. The next time we see him he’s again without his coat. I have to admit that the Uber-geek within me really wants this moment to not be an accident or a continuity error on the part of the production staff. I’m really hoping that somehow this moment was planned, it was shot specifically this way and it will some how be called back to in the next two episodes. This call back, of course, will force a call back to something said in the very first episode by the DOCTOR when AMY was seven. This something is so important that the DOCTOR actually goes back into his own timeline to deliver this message to AMY, an idea they reminded us was possible in the episode THE LODGER when AMY is taken back in time by the DOCTOR to leave a note for him after he was stranded. The prospect of all of this is so very exciting but truth be told sometimes a coat is just a coat, a mistake is just a mistake, and it all may be much ado about nothing.

Of course part of me feels quite foolish talking about the season finale when here in the US it won’t actually air until JULY 24th thanks to BBC AMERICA not wanting to waste any new programming for the 4th of July weekend. This means that those of us in North America won’t be seeing THE LODGER, THE PANDORICA OPENS or THE BIG BANG until the latter part of JULY. Thank goodness for time shifting.

Well now that I’ve droned on long and hard about DOCTOR WHO let’s finally turn our attention to the regular programming you can actually watch now. I tell you now that this week was really hard to find things in so take my advice now and take up a hobby or something. It’s getting bleak.

MONDAY

BBC AMERICA – 8:00 AM: How about a mini TORCHWOOD marathon? The last six episodes of the first season are shown back to back. If you called in sick to work today these should entertain you enough to ignore your cocktail flu.

FOX – 9:00 PM: Last week’s episode of THE GOOD GUYS was almost as good for me as the series pilot. I encourage you to watch if for no other reason for those creepy moments where COLIN HANKS channels the same mannerisms his dad displayed on television 30 years ago.

NBC – 10:00 PM: PERSONS UNKNOWN was just creepy enough to make me tune back in this week. If they an keep the addictive creep-factor up I’ll come back again. According to the ratings though the title might need to be changed to SHOW UNKNOWN.

ABC – 10:00 PM: There is no greater sport than having the vapid and pretty be exposed for just that on TRUE BEAUTY. They may be looking for the person that is beautiful both inside and out but let’s face facts folks, with this group they’re just trying to find the the lesser of all these evils.

TUESDAY

TNT – 7:00 PM: I really think  that the show BONES came into it’s own in the second season around the same time the four episodes being mini-marathon’d tonight originally aired. If you are a fan of the show it’s a great way to relive the season.

NBC – 8:00 PM: OK, first LOSING IT WITH JILLIAN was on at 10 and they told us it would be on at 8. Then they changed their minds and aired it at 10. Now they’ve moved it back to 8. They realize we won’t lose any weight trying to follow the show on their schedule, right?

FOOD NETWORK – 9:00 PM: Apparently the stakes are higher when the cake gets smaller because the cake challenges are now being outdone by CUPCAKE WARS. Is this like the late night wars but sweeter?

BRAVO – 9 PM: KATHY GRIFFIN: MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST returns with acting lessons from LIZA MINNELLI. Ratings in WeHo are going to go through the roof!

WEDNESDAY

BBC AMERICA – 8:00 AM: It’s another RTD mini-marathon with the first part of the third series of DOCTOR WHO.  Is this programming appealing to the unemployed or what?

TV LAND – 10:00 PM: Just when you thought the sitcom stylings of THREE’S COMPANY were long since forgotten along comes HOT IN CLEVELAND. VALERIE BERTINELLI, JANE LEEVES and WENDIE MALICK have an emergency lay over in CLEVELAND and find out that the men there are cougar lovers. BETTY WHITE tries to save the show but this thing almost comes off like it’s trying to parody itself.

THURSDAY

SYFY – 7:00 PM: The TV movie didn’t quite capture the magic of the original story but I still enjoyed STEPHEN KING’S THE LANGOLIERS.

FOX – 8:00 PM: I know that if you already bought the first part of the first season of GLEE on DVD already you’ve worn it out watching the ACAFELLAS perform but those of us that haven’t can tune in tonight to enjoy it all over again.

TBS – 8:00 PM: There was very solid evidence that they never should have made THE LOVE GURU. That evidence? Folks, I give you AUSTIN POWERS IN GOLDMEMBER.

AMC – 8:00 PM: There are movies from my youth that I shouldnt’ have seen and didn’t appreciate until I was older. CADDYSHACK is one of those movies.

FRIDAY

SYFY – 8:00 AM: Looks like the fomer SCIFI network is taking programming tips from BBC AMERICA. They’re showing 7 hours straight of fourth series episodes of DOCTOR WHO.

FOX – 8:00 PM: Remember that show PAST LIFE that nobody watched? Tonight’s the last episode ever. I’m sure nobody is glad to know.

ABC – 8:00 PM: If you have a tween in your house I’m sorry that you’ll have to endure MILEY CYRUS IN LONDON: LIVE AT THE O2 tonight.

SATURDAY

BBC AMERICA – 8:00 PM: If you missed THE HUNGRY EARTH you can watch it tonight before the second half of the story (which I spoiled elements of above) titled COLD BLOOD immediately after at nine.

TBS – 8:00 PM: It is with much shame in my heart that I admit that I wouldn’t mind at all watching BLADES OF GLORY and ROAD TRIP back to back.

DISNEY – 9:00 PM: If you haven’t seen THE INCREDIBLES than I’m going to have to remind you that it is one of the best super hero movies to have been made in the past decade. If you have the DISNEY channel and haven’t watched it yet than do so now. You’ve been put on notice.

SUNDAY

SYFY – 7:00 PM: SYFY tries to update the classic hero THE PHANTOM. I give them props for trying but his revamped costume looks like an attack dog trainer’s protective gear with a bad eye visor thrown on to it.

TLC – 8:00 PM: The fact that TLC is rolling out NATALEE HALLOWAY: LOST IN PARADISE UPDATED right now kind of makes my skin crawl.

ABC – 9:00 PM: VIRGINIA MADSEN stars as the mom of a small-town crime family that’s forced to go straight when dad gets locked up in SCOUNDRELS. Um… OK there’s not much else on so I’ll try it.

TNT – 9 :00 PM: LEVERAGE is back for a third season with NATE behind bars. Yeah, that can’t last long or this is going to be the shortest season ever.

HBO – 9:00 PM: OK, I’ll also mention TRUE BLOOD here in the column as well because it’s on. At press time I still haven’t even watched the season premiere so I can’t say a damned thing about this episode except to say that there’s vampires in the show. Big revelation, I know.

ABC – 10:00 PM: I’ve seen lots of commercials for THE GATES but I have no idea what the heck it’s about. I think it’s a community filled with monsters that are trying to go straight which makes it a much stranger version of SCOUNDRELS.