Finished

This is the end my internet friend. The end.

Josie won – big shock, I know – and fun was had by all. I guess.

Personally, I was very underwhelmed by the final. Maybe it was due to the lack of tension. Because everyone knew how it was going to go. The only thing I was surprised by was that Dave came second. Maybe I’m alone in my hatred of him. Maybe everyone else in the world is OK with a man who thinks homosexuality is immoral. Maybe the chicken really did come before the egg. It’s a mystery I’ll never truly wrap my head around.

Anyway, Josie came out to big cheers and a psychopathic Australian eyeing her up. He has officially become Mr Creepy but before Josie could go on his wild ride she was thrust somewhere else. Straight back into the house. At first it felt like an obvious decision. Of course you want to spend two weeks in a house with famous folk and ex-housemates you might remember. Sounds like fun! And Josie’s quick answer to the question affirmed that she felt similarly too. Being on a high from her win meant that she would probably agree to shaving her hair off if you made it sound like it would be fun but that’s beside the point.

Full of giggles, smiles and the 20 minutes of freedom she got, Josie waited for the new housemates to come in. And who was to meet her? A whole host of “meh” to be honest. The highlights for me being Brian, Nikki and Nadia. They are the only ones to re-enter who had a big personality. I’m not counting the celebrity Big Brother re-entrants because… well… they’re not real people.

Hello and Goodbye

Josie seemed very overwhelmed the first night but that’s to be expected. She just won £100,000 and was greeting Coolio. It was an odd night. But that feeling wasn’t to go away and I’m going to place full blame on Big Brother for screwing the pooch on this one.

If they wanted to keep Josie around – and considering she won the show by over 77% of the vote, they really needed to keep Josie around – they should have given her a couple of days freedom outside the house. That way she would have been able to come down from the high of winning around friends and family. She could have gotten her head straight. Thus providing her with a bit of conviction for re-entering the house.

By leaving her in there, her victory quickly became a hollow one because she couldn’t celebrate it. Instead she had a bunch of strangers commenting on her life to her face. In her house no less (and lets face it, and that point it was her house). So I can completely understand

Now that she is gone, what do I think of the “Ultimate” portion of the show? LAME. Brian Dowling has been funny. If he didn’t go into the house it would have been a total washout. Boring, boring, boring. But what could we expect? Seasoned pros in this sort of environment know better than to do something stupid and embarrass themselves. Unfortunately that mean there is nothing interesting for us.

Oh well. At least the final series was a bit of fun while it lasted. Crazy Shabbys, posh Bens and horny Josies made it a laugh. It will be missed.

– Aaron Poole
Follow Aaron on Twitter – @AaronFever

Our Last Best Hope

Two months ago, I had never seen an episode of Babylon 5. I had heard of it, and I was a fan of a lot of the comic book writings of the Babylon 5 creator, J. Michael Straczynski but I had no desire whatsoever to watch the show. There wasn’t any hatred of the show or any real reasoning behind the fact that I hadn’t seen it. It was just one of those things that I hadn’t gotten around to in my life. There are plenty of things in this world that I haven’t gotten around to doing yet, and I have to be honest when I say that shortening that list by watching Babylon 5 wasn’t very high on my list of priorities.

But”¦.if I’ve learned nothing else, I’ve learned that I should listen to the advice of my friends. So on the advice of one friend and the insistence of another, I said I’d give Babylon 5 a shot and see if it was a good as they said it would be. Comparisons were made to Joss Whedon and Firefly, so the bar was set pretty high and I went in expecting to be disappointed. I had read Straczynski’s work on Spiderman and Fantastic Four and in particular his amazing, creator owned series Rising Stars so I knew that he was a great writer, but Whedon comparisons still seemed like they might be a bit far fetched.

Once I took the plunge and started watching, I was hooked. Babylon 5 currently consists of one hundred and ten episodes of the hour long TV series, seven ninety-minute TV movies and a short lived spin-off series called Crusade which lasted for 13 episodes (one less than Whedon’s short lived Firefly) and it took me less than fifty days to devour the whole lot.

Even before I watched the first episode, what struck me was the age of the show. Having premiered in 1993, the show is only one year away from being legally old enough to drink alcohol and vote, though obviously not at the same time. But given the state of Irish politics, that could actually happen more often than one may think. The reason that I was looking at the year of production was that in the initial recommendation of the show that I received, I was also given the caveat that the special effects, and in particular the exterior space effects were a bit dodgy by today’s standards. The effects that were used throughout the shows and the movies were revolutionary at the time, and Babylon 5 was the first science fictions show to solely use computer generated imagery for the exterior space scenes. While I will concede that the exterior effects aren’t quite up to the standard of Firefly or any Star Trek series since The Next Generation, the effects are not what the series is about. The main selling point of Babylon 5 has always been the quality of the writing and acting on offer.

The series’ time line ranges from the year 2245 to 2281 and though the majority of the one hundred and ten episodes of Babylon 5 happen within the five years between 2258 and 2262 we get to see glimpses of Straczynski’s universe as far back as one thousand years and as far forward as one million years in to the future. And in a million years’ worth of narrative, there was almost no errors in continuity save for a few who-met-who-and-when inconsistencies in the movie In The Beginning. Straczynski famously spends ten hours of each day writing and he clearly spent a lot of time sketching out the in-universe chronology, framework and character histories. Some of Straczynski’s planning was made apparent through big revelations like the history of Valen. Some of it was always present but never explained or even mentioned on screen, like the mystery of why Walter Keonig’s character never unclenched his left fist. Out of the one hundred and ten episodes in the show’s run, Straczynski wrote ninety two, and holds the record to this day for writing fifty nine consecutive episodes ranging from the second season through to the fifth. The run was broken by an episode written by Neil Gaiman, which is the only episode in Season Five of the show not written by Straczynski.

One of the reasons that I didn’t watch Babylon 5 when it originally started airing on this side of the Atlantic was that I felt that it was too similar, too much of a rip off of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. But in fairness there was also a time when I didn’t listen to Bill Hicks because I thought his material was too similar to Denis Leary’s. You live and learn.

The similarities at first are obvious and plain for anyone to see. The two shows are about space stations that are located near a travel hub and have titles that end with a number Both space stations are home to a myriad of different races, some of which have been at war with one another in the recent past. But there are more subtle similarities than that. In the early days of each show, the story was primarily based on the respective space stations but after a few seasons, both shows introduced a top-of-the-range starship that was initially the only one of its kind but later would serve as the namesake for an entire class of ship. The two shows also heavily featured a storyline involving a war with a mysterious enemy from a different part of space, and in both series it’s arguable that the representative for the two respective enemy races was the main villain for both series. These may still see like fairly obvious comparisons but consider the fate of two characters, both of whom were minor players in their own universes but still managed to rise to prominence. Rom in Deep Space Nine and Vir in Babylon 5 both served much the same purpose and had the same fate. In both cases, Rom and Vir played second fiddle to a decadent master who seemed to embody the classical virtues of their respective societies.

Rom was the subordinate to his brother Quark. Quark ostensibly was the perfect Ferengi, dishonest, greedy, amoral and devious. But underneath all of Quark’s bluster and protestations was a being who knew the difference between right and wrong, whether Quark liked it or not. And most of the time, Quark didn’t like it. In the face of a crumbling society and a leadership that was less than capable, Quark fought to keep alive the traditions that he believed in and fought to keep alive the world that he believed in. No matter how much his home changed or how much his own people changed around him, Quark tried to uphold the principles that he was brought up to believe in. In Quark’s mind, contact with humans didn’t weaken him or corrupt him, it merely provided him with more opportunities for profit. Quark was an old school Ferengi who stood for everything that he felt his society should be.

In Babylon 5, Londo Molari shared a lot of character traits with Quark but ultimately was a much more tragic character. Like Quark, Londo stood for very thing that his world used to represent. Londo was never a child or at least he never had a childhood. He was brought up from a very young age to believe in the ways of his world and never wavered from the duty that the devotion to his world. Where Quark’s ambition always outweighed his ability to succeed, Londo ended up getting exactly what he always desired. Though as he said himself, he had all the power in the world and absolutely no choices. Londo is one of the greatest tragic characters in any form of literature.

Neither character though would ever have thought that their subordinates would end up rising to the positions that they did. But that’s only because neither Londo nor Quark knew that Deep Space Nine borrowed pretty liberally from the Babylon 5 series bible and scripts.

It’s difficult thing to write about a subject as expansive as Babylon 5. No matter how much you write, there’s bound to be more unwritten. Even if I wrote of character-trap doors, O’Neill cylinders, Newtonian physics, the numerous Lord Of The Rings references, the numerous 1984 references, the outstanding quality of the guest stars, the speeches that were in the show, and Straczynski’s naming of the show’s two main characters after himself; I’d still be leaving out more than I care to admit.

No matter though how much I write or how much I neglect to write, there’s no way that I could possibly cover the subject of Babylon 5 without mentioning G’Kar. G’Kar is, in my humble opinion one of the finest fictional characters ever created. Often serving as a counterpart to Londo Mollari, G’Kar ran the gamut from arms dealer to loud mouth comic relief Ambassador to resistance leader to leader of his people to prophet and explorer. On his own, G’Kar was a magnificent creation, but his constantly changing relationship with Londo was often the heart of the series. From the beginning, we are told that Londo is destined to die at the hands of G’Kar, so their evolution of rivals/enemies/colleagues/co-conspirators and finally ending up as friends was a joy to watch. Londo’s destiny was indeed fulfilled and we got to see it from a few different perspectives, but it wasn’t what he or we initially thought it to be.

More than any other character on the show, I think that G’Kar became the voice of Straczynski on the show. G’Kar was able to rail against tyranny and speak about the search for meaning in religion, extol the virtue of kindness to your neighbour and deliver one of the best farewell scenes that has ever been committed to celluloid. G’Kar got most of the best lines and best speeches in the show, and Andreas Katsulas who played G’Kar delivered the lines as few could have and brought the character on his odyssey in a truly believable and relatable way. Even if he did look like a snake.

Babylon 5 truly is a novel made for television with sweeping story lines, interweaving character arcs, joy and heartbreak Neil Gaiman, in the introduction to the first trade paperback collection of Straczynski’s Rising Stars stated that Straczynski had done the impossible with Babylon 5. Ironically enough, Gaiman’s Sandman comic book series was then one of the few times that a similarly impossible task had been achieved. And it’s no exaggeration to state that Babylon 5 paved the way for modern day shows like Lost which also have large casts and preplanned story arcs.

Throughout the five year run of Babylon 5, the opening monologue was different each and every year, changing to reflect the status of the story in each year. But one thing remained constant each year, and that was the use of the words “Our last best hope”. I don’t think that it was strictly accurate though, I don’t think that it was our last best hope, I think it was an example of how science fiction should be done, and how a story should be told. I think it’s our best example.

– Simon Fitzgerald

Day 73

Just before I go into the finalists, I want to take a quick moment and look at something that has made me laugh this week. John James.

What’s the matter McFly? Chicken?

I have never seen a grown man piss himself so quickly and so satisfyingly (for me) than John James during the prediction task. He went from thinking he has a hard man after trying to make a girl cry to wanting to break the world record in distance running. He literally had the fright of his life. And you know what? Served him right.

From day one it appeared that John James has a problem with women. Especially women who care about their appearance. Because Rachel was considered attractive by the other housemates and because she expressed an interest in modeling, he took this as an affront to humanity. He took every opportunity to degrade her publicly and even create a few chances out of thin air too. I never liked her myself but his comments were always over the top and vicious.

We saw the same treatment with Corin. She kept out of his business (and lets face it everyone else’s too) but he could not stop himself from picking a fight with her whenever he felt there was an opening. And when he picks a fight with someone he will not let it go. Like a dog with a bone he will repeat himself until he is blue in the face. Hence why we heard his paranoid ranting about everyone being fake and wanting to win.

Well, you flew to the other side of the world to get on this show and you’re claiming you don’t want to win it? Fuck off crab eyes. I’m glad you lost. Now fuck off.

Seriously guys, I can’t tell the difference

On to happier things now with a quick run down on my thoughts of the finalists.

ANDREW

Nice guy but creepy when it comes to girls. I’m putting my money now on him getting charged for some sort of sexual deviancy in about ten years. Saying that though, he has been funny and unlike most has tried to stick up for people he likes (ok, he stuck up for Josie purely because he wants to get his geek on with her).

JJ

zZzZzZzZz. I wonder what he’ll do for the next four days without John James to agree with? He got here via mathematics.

DAVE

Glory. I hate Dave and I’ve made no secret of that. Glory. While people think he is a nice guy, I’ve seen him bitch about everyone with Ben, John James and anyone else who will listen. Glory. For someone supposedly so loving he has a negative thing to say about everyone. Glory. I really hope he goes early on Tuesday. Glory.

MARIO

I said early on in this blog that his mole status was going to do him the world of good in the long term but I’m not so sure I was right about that. He got a little bit moody a few weeks ago and could have gone if the nominations were different. However, he has recently perked back up and has shown the sensitive, quirky side of his that made me warm to him at the start of the show. I like him a lot and hope he comes second.

JOSIE

I know she is going to win. You know she is going to win. She had John James under her thumb and pointed out all his failings this week with a nice bit of gusto. Her main problem is that she is desperate for companionship so much that it really affects her ability to hold a grudge against anyone who is mean to her. It’s probably not a problem for her but watching it I would have liked to see her have a few enemies because she can argue with the best of them. Shame. It will be interesting how her “home advantage” against the new Ultimate Big Brother contestants works come Tuesday.

– Aaron Poole
Follow Aaron on Twitter – @AaronFever

Anticipation

I’ve heard a lot of folk say that this is their favourite time of the year. They like the fact that it’s still pretty warm out, the fact that the leaves are starting to turn a little bit brown, the fact that the nights are a little bit cooler and it’s easier to sleep but it still stays bright to a pretty reasonable hour so the days still feel a little bit longer. But me, I love this time of year for a slightly different reason.

Anyone who’s been paying attention will know that San Diego Comic Con happened in the course of the last few weeks. And no matter how you feel about the ever increasing movie and media presence at this “Comic Con”, you can’t help but deny that the convention is a fantastic source of information and generator of anticipation for the TV shows and movies that will grace our screens later in the year.

Every year, Comic Con seems to mark that start of the overload of information about what we’ll be watching and reading in the year to come. In the last week or so, I’ve been eating up every morsel of information that I can get my greedy little hands on about my favourite shows. And there’s a part of me that loves the run up to the return of the shows more than the actual return itself, because this time of year holds the unspoiled promise of what has yet to come.

Comics are obviously still a huge part of what Comic Con does, but the comic book world already has a pretty well established promotion machine. Comic books are solicited at least two months ahead of their release dates. Other comic related good like statues or the forthcoming “Earth One” graphic novels are announced and hyped months ahead of the time that they’ll be realized onto the retail market for public consumption. I think that a part of the reason for this is that the world of comic books exists on a pretty long timeline as almost all of the regular titles are released on a monthly basis. TV shows live week to week and they tend to live or die on the spin of a dime so announcing too far ahead of time what’s going to be happening isn’t usually possible.

But just like Christmas there comes a time once a year when the American TV Networks pimp their shows for all they are worth, sometimes for even more than they are worth. So in that beautiful area of time in between the “media event” that Comic Con has become and the Season Premieres we get teased, we get small glimpses of what has yet to come, tacit promises are made and we build up hopes that may take twenty episodes to be fulfilled. I’ve seen trailers and read teasers and vainly tried to avoid spoilers for the shows that I love. Normally I try to avoid an overload of spoilers, but the news that we get bombarded with at this time of year tends to be general for the entirety of the next televisual year. In no particular order of chronology or importance, these are the shows that I’ve been looking forward to the most and the news that has me anticipating them all the more.

HOUSE

One of the main pieces of news that we’ve received about the new series of House is something that delights me and deeply saddens me all at the same time. We’ve been told that when House picks after the Season break, House and Cuddy will still be a couple. Think about all the shows you’ve seen where two characters who plainly love each other just can’t seem to find a way to make it happen. We’ve seen it in Star Trek: TNG with Picard and Crusher, we’ve seen it in Smallville with Clark and Lana, we’ve seen it in Firefly with Mal and Inara. Hell, we’ve even seen it with Jessica Fletcher and every gray haired guy within a thousand miles of Cabot Cove. The general wisdom is that romances don’t work for the main characters of a TV show. In fact one of the only times that I can think of a TV couple actually getting together was in the 90’s Superman show “Lois & Clark“. Despite the fact that the main focus was always supposed to be on the relationship between Lois and Clark more than Superman himself, the producers and writers of the show seemed to be unable to cope with the corner that they got painted in to by the fact that Lois and Clark got married in DC Comics’ continuity. Let’s just say that it didn’t end well. And the less we speak about “Myrtle Beach”, the better off we will all be.

But with the sixth Season of House which premieres at the end of September, I honestly believe we’ll see a relationship that can work. It won’t work because DC Comics says it has to, or because a focus group says that it should, it’ll work because five years of foundation has been written into this, because it’s what the viewers have wanted since day one, because it’s what the characters have wanted since before day one. But most of all, it’ll work because it has to.

In fact the only thing that I’ve seen about the next season that I don’t like is the fact that I’m already being presented with (sigh) “Huddy”. Mankind has done many amazing things in the past few million years. We’ve invented fire, we’ve conquered flight, and we’ve been to the stars. But for some reason we still cannot resist defining two people in a relationship with one reductive, insulting name. “Huddy” sounds like a sexist marketing device to sell Hummers to women who can’t drive.

Some casting news about the new Season also indicates that Olivia Wilde will be absent for part of the Season due to movie commitments and Jennifer Morrison’s character of Alison Cameron will be returning roughly around mid-season. And without spoiling too much….she won’t be alone.

There’s also a part of me that’s really curious as to whether or not House will be rocking a new cane this Season, and if he does, will it be as instantly identifiable as the flame cane he used in half of Season Three and through all of Season Four.

DEXTER

OK, there’s not one single person in the entire waking world who saw the close of the last Season of Dexter who isn’t frantically anticipating the start of the new Season. What intrigues me the most about the new Season is that it picks up immediately after the events of the most recent episode.

If you’ve seen the last episode of the last Season, you know exactly what events I’m talking about. But what always fascinates me about shows that pick up immediately from the previous Season is the logistical issues involved. Yeah, I’m a nerd, but just humour me on this one.

Dexter has traditionally employed a “three months later” device when going from Season to Season. This allows for the actors to get new hairstyles, get tans etc. without having to explain why the characters suddenly look different. Back in the halcyon days before SDCC, one of the first things that I heard was that Julie Benz would be appearing in the new Season and that her appearance wouldn’t be in a flashback and that it wouldn’t be as a Harry-style ghost. If I’d put any amount of thought in to it, it would have made sense that Julie Benz would be appearing as the same character in the same time frame as before. The only other scenario that I could come up with was that she might be in a video journal with the kids of some description. Hey, nobody ever said that I was a creative genius.

But what I’m most excited and terrified about in the upcoming Season is the inclusion of the fantastically talented Irish singer and actor, Maria Doyle-Kennedy. Anyone who’s ever seen The Commitments knows that Doyle-Kennedy can act rings around most anyone and has a wonderful, natural Dublin accent (yeah I’m biased here). This is the reason that I’m excited, the reason that I’m terrified is that there’s a fierce tendency to use a stereotype when portraying the Irish on TV in America. I still weep when I think of the scenes in Heroes a few years ago that were set in Cork where Peter got involved with some gangsters who were looking for their stolen OiPods.

But keep your fingers crossed that the writers and producers will keep their wits about them and let Maria do what she does best. Also, if she happens to break into a rendition of “Son of a Preacher Man”, I won’t be overly upset either.

STARGATE: UNIVERSE

There was a time when I wasn’t sure if there actually would be a second Season of Stargate: Universe Don’t misunderstand me, I loved the show right from the start, but we live in a world where Firefly can get cancelled, so it’s best not to be overly cocky about the survival of any good science fiction show.

The first piece of news that came out about the new Season is that the Season’s recurring villain is going to be played by Robert Knepper who played T-Bag in Prison Break. The character that he’ll be playing is designed to butt heads with Louis Ferreira’s Colonel Young. Though that’s not to say that things between Young and Robert Carlysle’s Doctor Rush will get smoother any time soon. We learn pretty soon into the new Season that Rush has made a pretty huge discovery relating to control of The Destiny. But Rush keeps the discovery to himself and the eventual revelation brings major conflict between the two characters and leads to a scene that runs to eleven pages. That scene won’t be happening until the seventh episode of Season Two but it’s going to be worth the wait, that much is almost guaranteed.

Before the advent of SDCC this year, there was a half-news item what was released by the producers of Universe revealing that there would be a Universe / Atlantis crossover roughly mid-way through Season Two. There was no indication at that point as to exactly what cast members from Atlantis would be appearing on Universe or even in what capacity. At SDCC, it was announced that the two guest stars would be David Hewlett and Robert Picardo. Hewlett was sort of obvious, seeing as his character is the most loved character from Atlantis and has more in-series knowledge of the technology than anyone else in the world.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

I don’t think that there’s ever been a time when I wasn’t looking forward to the next episode of How I Met your Mother. But this year, the writers and producers basically went out in front of the world’s press and admitted that they screwed up on some things in the last Season. I’ve publicly declared my love for How I Met Your Mother, and it’ll take an awful lot for me to fall out of love with the show, but I will admit that there did seem to be an absence of forward momentum in the area of finding out who the Mother is in the last Season.

The producers have stated that there will be more forward momentum in the new Season, and they’ve also gone out of their way not to confirm or deny the possibility that the Mother will be introduced at some stage and that the show will keep running after the revelation and introduction.

But for my money, the biggest and best announcement about the new Season is that there will be a new future. Not an alternate future, just a look at a different timeframe in Ted’s future. This could potentially be amazing. We might get to see Future Barney, we might get to see Future Robin and if I’m at all correct, we might get to see that Future Barney and Future Robin are a couple. We still don’t know exactly how far in to the future the new scenes are going to be, but I have a feeling that they are going to give us answers to some old questions, answers to questions we didn’t even know that we had. Mostly though, we’ll be entertained and we’ll get to see that it doesn’t matter how you tell a story, and that sometimes different parts of a story need different details.

So what shows are you looking forward to in the upcoming year? What storylines? What guest stars? Let us know!

– Simon Fitzgerald

Day 68

Things have gotten a little predictable in the house. There have been no shock evictions. New people have entered and left without really making an impact (apart from Keeley impacting the floor, obviously). John James and Josie are a steady couple so the “will-they-won’t-they” interest has gone. In essence… I’m bored.

Not that there hasn’t been good bits but most of them have been tasks devised by Big Brother to help with the tedium. It’s all a bit too lovey dovey. I blame Dave for a lot of that. I also blame Dave for everything else in the world that I dislike but maybe I’m taking my hatred of him too far. WHY WON’T YOU PEOPLE EVICT HIM?!

Alas, with only a sliver of hope for some fighting or at the very least a bit of drama, I must turn to one man. Or should I say, one boy. Sammy Pepper…

In many ways, I don’t like the guy. But I have to give him credit for injecting some interest back into the show. With his hyper energy, whiney voice and his inability to use tact in any shape or form he has single handedly taken over Big Brother’s cameras as the only person doing anything.

Now I must be clear. I’m not saying he is a fantastic watch, because he is not, but at least he’s doing SOMETHING. Andrew sits about, Mario does nothing but moan, Dave is too busy laughing at his own jokes, Corin is loving it, John James and Josie are under a duvet, JJ is too busy checking himself out and Steve… is Steve still on the show? So yeah, it’s not so much about Sam being a brilliant watch, it’s just that the others have become so dull.

I think a partial amount of the problem is the average age in the house being so high. Half the house is over 30. You know as well as I do that most people do dumb things in their early 20s and it’s the dumb things that are entertaining to watch. Also the lack of good looking people who are single has reduced the amount of drama when everyone gets a few drinks into them. So when Sammy Pepper (I still think it’s a great name) gets 3 cups of coffee into him and starts running around like Cornholio then at least something is happening.

I felt for the kid when he heard JJ, John James and Dave bitching about him in the showers because it was a typical “olders boys are being mean about me” scenario. I can understand that the guys felt he deserved the bad things being said but I think they forget that they are the grown-ups in the situation and Sam isn’t. Bitching like school girls in the shower doesn’t make you look good.

And yes I said the words “school girl” and “shower” without making a pervy joke. I’m just going to have to live with that.

Couple of quick notes:
– Josie is in the final. Lets face it, she is going to win by a landslide.
– Until I see the guest list for this “House of Champions” Big Brother final, I feel a bit pessimistic about it.
– Seriously John James, you’re a lunatic and I’m tired of your paranoid rantings about every housemate. Get over yourself.
– Could someone punch Dave in the face for me? Please? Can we make that a task?

– Aaron Poole
Follow Aaron on Twitter – @AaronFever

Dexter Morgan: America’s Serial Killing Sweetheart

Since it’s premiere in December 2007, the hit Showtime series Dexter has been immensely popular – and immensely controversial. I have no desire to debate the merits and drawbacks of viewers identifying with or even liking a character who is, in fact, a serial killer – but I feel I must address why Dexter and his Dark Passenger are so captivating to so many.

Many of the greatest characters of all time have been evil, murderous and generally horrific people. Though they may be fascinating, Hannibal Lecter and the Wicked Witch of the West are not the most relatable characters out there, and the same holds true for most villains in popular culture. Dexter however, minus the occasional slicing and dicing of evildoers, is very relatable to anybody who has ever felt less than comfortable in society. We are all guilty of faking certain human interactions at some point or another during our lives, and Dexter’s character takes this to the utmost extreme. He’s a better faker than any of us could hope to be, because he fakes everything.

Fantastic writing is the key ingredient in the fabulous formula which is Dexter. Though the Dexter book series differs immensely from the television series (which is based solely on the first book, Darkly Dreaming Dexter, and the character Dexter himself) they are both fantastic. Since I have managed to keep this article spoiler-free in terms of the television series, I may as well keep the book spoilers out of it as well. Suffice it to say that if you liked the show, you will like the books ( I have just started the fourth novel in the series, and I promise to write a full review of the Dexter series when I am finished). But be warned: the books are a bit more unsettling than the series, in a number of ways.

A big part of Dexter’s charm also comes from Michael C Hall’s immense acting talent, which was obvious from his portrayal of David Fisher in HBO’s Six Feet Under – a faker in his own right, just in a much different context. The talent of the entire cast is not to be taken for granted, either – just look at John Lithgow’s stunning (and award winning) performance as the Trinity killer, or Jennifer Carpenter’s always amusing portrayal of Dexter’s foul mouthed sister Deb.

The next ingredient? Humor. Though upon first glance Dexter will not strike most folks as a comedic show, Dexter’s inner observations are not only quite often very humorous but also very astute. All aspects of the show are extremely well written, but Dexter’s inner observations steal the show in terms of laugh out loud moments as well as biting social commentary.

I have seen many different reactions to Dexter (and no, none of them have resulted in murder, fortunately) but the one that always surprises me is when people say that this show glamorizes or even encourages murder and vigilantism – not just folks giving a shallow read of what they think the show is about, but people who have actually watched the entire series. Yes, we all know Dexter only kills “bad guys” – but not for one second do I feel like this show has ever glamorized killing. If anything, this show illustrates just how difficult it is to successfully get away with it – especially if you look at characters other than Dexter. Dexter is never presented as anything other than an anomaly – because of Harry’s influence. Dexter would be just another killer, no different from one of his victims without the introduction of “Harry’s code” into his life.

The much anticipated 5th season of Dexter begins airing September 26, 2010 on Showcase. (Click here to view the trailer) Until then, check out the Dexter: Early Cuts Webisodes available here.

– Mary Hoffman

Day 52

Well, lots to talk about but let’s start with the obvious:

Ben is gone.

He was a bitch, he was a lover, he was a child, he was a mother, he was a sinner, he was a saint (remind me I owe Meredith Brooks a cheque) but damn it he was good television. I said before that Ben was a people pleaser but more so than anything else he was a self pleaser and I’m not just talking about what he does in the mirror. Ben was lazy at the tasks because to exert effort would mean he cares and he just couldn’t care less. Sweat wasn’t something on his radar because he led a privileged life and didn’t really have to work hard to get anything, so why start now? All he really worried about was whether or not people thought he was a good person because if he was soon positively he could do what he wanted.

Ironically for someone who wanted to be liked by everyone so much Ben got evicted by the public because of his bitchy remarks about the people around him. Ben liked to think that he wasn’t bitchy but honest. The problem with his theory is that it’s only honesty if you say it to the person you’re talking about. When you say it behind their backs, that’s when you are perceived as devious. One particularly bad comment he made this week, which it appears was the last straw, was directed towards Josie. Ben made the very bad judgement of making this comment in the presence on Josie’s reluctant lover John James. Essentially, Ben said “She has been dressing up in more revealing clothes and I don’t think she can get away with that with her figure”. Ouch.

Good bye good sir. I’m sure we’ll see you pop up in the written media somehow. You can’t keep a good dog down, especially when he’s a purebred.

In other news, Dave is a moron

He’s been winding me up more and more as the weeks go by. He thinks he’s hilarious. He thinks he a genius. He thinks a lot of things. He’s wrong all the time. So, here are a few things I would like to say to him to set him straight.

– If you’re doing a task where you have to ignore the distractions in the house, RUNNING UP TO THE DISTRACTIONS AND LOOKING DIRECTLY AT THEM is failing the task.
– Telling Josie she needs to lose weight because she isn’t as skinny as yout wife isn’t a nice thing to say.
– When you’re told to ignore a new housemate in order to pass a task, saying I WONDER IF WE’LL GET A NEW HOUSEMATE IN is neither big nor clever. Shut up.
– You’re a minister? So is it very holy to look up your wife’s skirt on national television? Do you think that’s respectful?
– I don’t care how full your belly is with love, it’s mostly fat so you’ll have to run a hell of a lot faster in the garden to work that shit off.
– Fuck off home now, please.

Walk The Line

Shabby walked.
Caoimhe walked.
Keeley was carried.
John James walked. But walked back in.
Laura walked.

We’ve almost had as many housemates leave as we have had evicted. It’s all getting a little pathetic. I’m all for people removing themselves from bad situations but this year it’s all been whiney, moany, prissy little problems that has everyone leaving.

Shabby couldn’t handle the fact that there was someone in the house she fancied. Caoimhe couldn’t handle the fact that her boyfriend might think she was a bit of a slut. Keeley couldn’t handle the fact that she twisted her ankle (ouch). John James couldn’t handle the fact that he fancied Josie. Laura couldn’t handle the fact that she was still sad after her boyfriend cheated on her (ouch).

Real feelings and body injuries aside, can people not deal with their emotions anymore? It’s been noted that this year the housemates are extremely tactile and cuddly. Hugs are often associated with people needing affirmation and assurance. Are they all so fragile? Is this a magnifying glass on modern society as a whole? It’s hard to tell. Maybe I’m being heartless, but god damn it people, get over it!

– Aaron Poole
Follow Aaron on Twitter – @AaronFever

Day 41

Caoimhe is gone. And good riddance. Never have I hated a countryman so much since Andrew Maxwell let the team down. She was bitchy, boring and devious. The world will turn without her.

Josie’s recent problem with Caoimhe was blown out of proportion and the result of a woman becoming obsessed by her love/like/hate relationship with John James (delete as applicable to the day). And on some levels I do feel that Josie needed to drop it a long time ago. But the problem is, Caoimhe knew she did something stupid by flirting with JJ and rather than tackle the problem head on she weasled away from the responsibility. Her efforts to avoid the situation were so deepset that she even threw up in the bathroom out of sheer embarrassment.

She has left to carry on her crazy love for the infamous “Dave” outside of the house. So good luck to her. Let’s hope we never hear from her again.

And don’t come back

Now that we’ve reached approximately the half way point I thought I’d go through the housemates with a quick update with my thoughts and feelings on them and how they’re doing.

ANDREW
Bless his cotton socks. I wanted to high five him when he told John James to “take it easy on Josie”. One of the few people to actually stop and think “hey psycho, stop”. Nerdy and shy he shouldnt be as entertaining as he is but it helps that he seems to be genuinely growing confidence from the experience. Could go far.

BEN
The posh git has some life in him. I thought he was in trouble from Day 1 and lets be fair he got himself into trouble since Day 1 but he has managed to endear himself not only to the housemates but to the public. He’s still desperate to be loved but his desperation is what made him human and I guess we’ve connected with that a little.

CORIN
Roll up, roll up and get your living Corin doll complete with four whole phrases! Just pull the string and hear “Oh my god”, “Loving it”, “Buzzing” and “Can’t believe it”. That’s all. Nothing else. Corin doll also comes with removable eyebrows.

DAVID
Another one who really bugged me at first but who I’ve warmed to over time. He has a similar opinion to myself about a lot of the housemates in regard to their revelry in negativity (also known as being bitchy the whole time). The only problem is, he still thinks gay marriage is immoral, I thought this would come back to bite him but obviously no-one gives a shit. It’s been while since he was up for eviction so we’ll see how he gets on.

JOHN JAMES
Dumb as a pile of rocks. His budding romance with Josie has kept me fascinated and frustrated for weeks. However, I’m tired of his anger. He’ll shout at everyone who gives him an opportunity and is obsessed with who is “real” and who isnt. He won’t let anything go and it’s exhausting. Plus, any real man would have kissed Josie by now. Seriously, grow a pair, you little girl.

JOSIE
Hello me old mucker. She has kind of lost her marbles with this John James stuff. It doesn’t help that she sucks her thumb constantly. For a woman of her age she has not handled any of this stuff like a grown up. Hasn’t really gotten many nomination votes and I can see her making it to the final. She’s my favourite to win the show but all could fall apart depending on how she reacts to the stress of her “relationship” over the next few weeks.

KEELEY
Came into the house with loads of swagger and claimed she would rule the roost. Nothing. Not a jot of that. But she has been a firm voice and a competitive spirit so she has a good place within all the kids who run about. Has a weird flirt thing going on with Steve but I would hazard that this is because she’s trying to move herself up the social ladder within the house. A go getter. Lets see if she gets it.

RACHEL
She fancies Ben… I just… I just can’t get past this.

STEVEN
Will make it to the final by default and I have a little bit of a problem with that. Ben pointed out early on that nobody will nominate him for fear of being seen as a bastard by the public. The thing is, he’s not entertainment. Yeah, he has 8 kids and he misses them but thats it. So if he wins this purely out of sympathy I’ll be pissed. That being said, his fawning over Keeley is freaking me out. Maybe something interesting will result of it.

– Aaron Poole
Follow Aaron on Twitter – @AaronFever

Day 34

Never has a love so pure been so frustrating to watch.

John James and Josie have had a weird relationship from the beginning. It’s been kind of like watching a brother and sister relationship grow. Except that the older sister wouldn’t mind a shag from the younger brother and the younger brother doesn’t understand the tingly feeling he gets around his big sis. Like I said, it’s been a weird relationship.

I mentioned in my opening Big Brother blog entry on this site that on first inspection Josie would probably get labeled the house “frumpy one” but I was, happily, wrong. I’ve liked Josie’s personality from the off, she seems fun. I only worried about how she would be viewed because the other housemates were skinny model types. I like to think of it as a vindication of the male species that all the blokes took a shine to Josie. In fact the only person to fancy any of the other girls was… another girl, Shabby.

John James was the leader for Josie’s affection but a close second was Nathan. Oh yeah, Nathan is gone. Oh well.

“Do you fink I’m flurtin’ wi’ you or summit?”

It’s been evident for a while that Josie and John James have like-liked each other. There has been mutterings back and forth with other housemates about it. Josie even refers to JJ as her husband and it’s one of the only names anyone is allowed to call him without a strop being thrown.

What has been harder to judge was when they were going to talk openly about how they feel or even, god forbid, make a move.

Thinking back, I would have said that they haven’t even admitted to themselves their feelings for each other until last night’s show. It seemed to genuinely be the first time either of them spoke about how much the other means to them. But it was like pulling teeth.

I was on the edge of my seat screaming at them to be grown-ups and talk honestly to eachother. Instead there was just some retarding mumblings and shouts. Neither of them acting around each other the way they were acting apart. Neither of them saying to each other what they were saying apart.

I likened the situation to being at school and two friends wanted to date but they were two young and shy to admit this fact to the other. Resulting in one or both picking a fight because of their frustration.

The distance between us

I know I made fun of Shabby having the hormonal tantrums of a teenager but once again we’re seeing teenage traits in these grown-up housemates. They’re mad about each other but they’re going about it like kids. IT MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM!

But, alls well that ends well. In a cringe-tastic scene, where Big Brother had to basically hold their hands and say “do you like her?”, “…yeah”. “Do you like him?”, “…yeah”. “Then shut the fuck up and snog already”.

And when they were cuddling and making up the coup de grace of the childlike behavior for me was John James’ expression when he tried to tell Josie how much he liked her. Rather than actually say the words “you know I’m mad about you” he just gave a “you know” and a dumb expression.

And then Josie went back to sucking her thumb.

ARGH! Why do they do this to me?

Just like me they long to be close to you

– Aaron Poole
Follow Aaron on Twitter – @AaronFever

Day 28

Sunshine is gone… Nobody cares. I could pretend that it’s worth talking about but I’m just glad the show has lost some dead weight. But low, what’s this? We’ve also lost Shabby? Now there is something to talk about.

In what was quite possibly the most drawn out exit in the history of the show Scabby Katchagoogoo finally took her ball and left. It was as dramatic as you would have expected from the “independent” actress but there were a few points that surprised me.

It seemed that while Shabby had enough, so had the other housemates. Ife spotted another bitchy remark that the dark twins Shabby and Caoimhe made towards her and it appeared to have come at a moment that really hurt her. Essentially, you get the impression that Ife had been acting reserved during her time inside the house and started to let go with an act of freedom (basically, she danced about a bit). When she caught the two putting that act down with the words “cringe” Ife acted out. And fair play to her, I say. She caught them being bitches and the two were unprepared for her outburst. Now they’re on the ropes.

What I think was the knock out blow was when Nathan, who also has been pretty quiet up to now, told Shabby to fuck off when she butted her nose into a conversation between him and Josie. You can see the anger in Nathan as it seemed he finally got his frustration out. And you know what? She shrunk, instantly. Shabby has been a “larger than life” character stampeding around the house with anger and ignorance. Nathan is probably the first person to tell her in no uncertain terms to shut the fuck up. It worked too! Brilliant.

The Sound Of Silence

I found it fascinating that up until this point, Shabby and Caoimhe were inseparable. Solid as a rock. But for some reason Caoimhe became very distant on this last day together. Whether she was separating herself because she was tired of the connection with the house’s most hated person, she thought Shabby was turning her into someone she didn’t want to be or if she needed some time apart just to sort herself out… who knows. It quite possibly could have been nothing but a coincidence but it makes me wonder about Caoimhe and her motivations. I don’t necessarily like my conclusions but we’ll see how that pans out.

So now that the witch is gone, who will step up and fill the void? Well John James is up for eviction, but if he stays I think he’ll became a dominant force again. He genuinely seems to be growing as a person as the weeks go by and I swear to god if he doesn’t kiss Josie before he leaves I’ll go nuts.

Nathan, after ascerting his dominance over Shabby, will become a controversial figure. He’s not a guy who holds his tongue easily and when he speaks it’s with a certain level of venom. He could change things up.

Corin seems to be getting more and more attention. Her “loving mum” figure in the house is starting to be tested along with her patience. As people start to turn to her for friendship she seems to be rejecting most of them. This could make her isolated in this world that heavily relies on group interaction.

A Kiss Goodbye

I’m not sure. This is a real game changer. Shabby took up so much of the show’s attention and dialogue that people are really going to reshuffle themselves in their group dynamics now that the space is there. This should be fascinating.

– Aaron Poole
Follow Aaron on Twitter – @AaronFever

Day 22

Dear Shabby… where do I begin?

First let me say that I feel for you. You’re in love and you don’t know how to handle it. You came to the Big Brother house in order to garner the attention you so desperately need to validate your life. What you weren’t expecting was to find the sexual man-jaw of Caoimhe. You can’t be blamed. It’s not your fault. The way you’ve reacted to this however…

Ok, so I’ve said from the get-go that I dislike Shabby, but I have to admit she has made this year enjoyable to watch because of her mental shenanigans. I spoke last time out about her teenage hormones and it’s nice when she goes ahead and backs me up by throwing the biggest tantrum I’ve ever seen from a woman in her mid-twenties.

The day started with Ife begging for tobacco in the diary room. Big Brother cleverly told her that they would give her two pouches of tobacco for a list of personal items from the housemates. One of which was Shabby’s “lucky” hat.

Ife gathered the housemates and laid out the decent proposal. Everyone was reasonable about it, even the non-smokers which is fair play because I know I would have held them to ransom. Shabby… well she had a different reaction…

The great irony is that Shabby was previously complaining (and continued to afterwards) about how all the housemates, except her, are selfish and only looking out for themselves. Shabby would not give up her hat (at least not without a fight… with herself) for something that not only she would get but her fellow housemates too.

The term “I am nothing without this hat” is something you don’t hear everyday. But the days that you do are always good.

What helped to exacerbate things was Shabby’s one true love, Caoimhe, had no sympathy for her and was telling Shabby to essentially “get over it”. Well, that’s not something that Shabby does well and advising her to do this might result in…

There is nothing sadder than a sad lesbian rich kid.

–

I’ll be away at my brother’s wedding this weekend so I won’t be able to talk about the eviction until Monday. Hopefully Shabby doesn’t stab anyone in the middle of the night between now and then.

– Aaron Poole
Follow Aaron on Twitter – @AaronFever

Day 14

Govan got kicked out on Friday night with 72% of the vote. A real landslide and one I wasn’t expecting at all. This blindness to the hatred towards him may be due to the point that I don’t watch any of the peripheral shows.

I don’t watch Big Mouth and I don’t watch Little Brother. Partly because I like making my own mind up about the housemates so I don’t like hearing what a Hollyoaks actor thinks about them and partly because they keep giving out information of what will be on the next show. I know the idea of spoilers on a reality TV show is a strange one, but they manage to do it anyway.

It’s possible that if I had watched these sister shows to Big Brother I might have seen this coming but I’m still shocked that it wasn’t Dave or Ben going. Especially Dave after he aired his opinions that gay marriage is immoral. Maybe it was naive of me to think that this and his all round boringness was enough to oust him but either way I was wrong. The same with Ben, he has been pinned as the bad guy a few times in the week leading up to the eviction but it seems (and I’m glad) that the public managed to see through that. Shabby and Govan were on a mission to deflect anger towards Ben and it’s only fair that their efforts failed, and backfired in the case of Govan.

I was as shocked as you, Ben

It was hard not to feel some sympathy towards Govan though as he panicked about the outside world’s treatment of himself and his family now that it was pretty obvious that he is gay. It can be easy to forget that despite often thinking that the world is a more tolerant and understanding place that there is still a large amount of homophobia out in the world. Saying that, it was stupid of Govan to only realize this problem two weeks into being on Big Brother. You’d think he would have understood this months ago or at the very least gave it a thought. I guess it’s that kind of lack of forethought that got Govan evicted in the first place.

He constantly ratted people out and I guess that winds people up more than a schemer. It’s like prison rules. You can do anything except snitch!

–

Not much has happened since Govan’s eviction but I did feel sorry for Sunshine which is a miracle in itself. The food got taken away during the week due to Shabby’s constant meddling and discussion of nominations. But, on eviction day the housemates got given some pizzas. Considering Sunshine is a vegan they gave her two small vegan pizzas and a packet of crisps. You’d swear by the housemates’ reaction she was given a four course meal.

It was all pretty pathetic and spiraled down fast. The long and short of it was they moaned at her because she didn’t give her crisps to everyone else despite the fact that she shared her pizza with the housemates. I thought this was selfish on their parts and not Sunshine’s but I’ve been told by my girlfriend that I’m in the minority on that one. It seems I have found a soulmate in the food stakes. It’s mine and you can’t have it!

Bonkers

– Aaron Poole
Follow Aaron on Twitter – @AaronFever

Day 14

The nominations this week are Dave, Govan, Shabby and Ben. At the time of writing this that could change as the housemates will do a task to avoid eviction so I won’t get into the voting too much.

There is only one thing on my mind today: Crazy lesbian love.

From day 1 I’ve had a problem with Shabby. This was initially based on her upper-class squatter, “independent actress” (you were in Casualty love, that’s not independent), suspenders and hat wearing nonsense. She tries too hard to be “wacky” and it drives me up the wall. It’s false and it’s pretentious which in turn is exactly how I feel about her.

However, what I didn’t expect to see from her was all her teenage hormones flow out in a mess on national television. You see Shabby is in love with her best friend, her best friend has a boyfriend. It’s super kinky lesbian/straight girl forbidden love. And she can’t stand it anymore.

Love me, love me, say that you’ll love me

Now it would be mean of me to point out that Caoimhe looks like a white Grace Jones. That her manlike features and large breasts are the perfect storm for lesbian attention grabbing. That Caoimhe is a clit-teaser leading her friend on purely for the attention and the fact that she is a whore for anything that moves. It would be mean of me to say such things so I won’t. But it doesn’t mean I’m not thinking it.

I don’t really feel bad for Shabby in this scenario either. I’ve noted here before that I feel she’s a raving lunatic but I didn’t realise why before. She has either regressed or always was about 6 years younger than her age. Wild mood swings, constantly horny. I can sympathize with having these symptoms (I’m self aware) but she’s crossing over into creepy territory.

On more than one occasion now Shabby has cornered Caoimhe alone and confessed her feelings. The first time she did this was pretty funny considering how Ife set the whole thing up but if Shabby was a grown up about it in the first place it never would have become such a big deal. Since then she hasn’t shut up expressing her undying love.

The Tree of Temptation (brilliant) gave Shabby a task to stick with Ben and be super nice to him for a day. The prize: a romantic meal with a fellow housemate. It was no surprise that Shabby was going to choose Caoimhe for this but it was highly inappropriate considering A) Caoimhe has a serious boyfriend and B) She’s a friend you’ve just admitted to fancying. It’s just got the words awkward written all over it. And it was.

Would you like some of my fish taco?

But what I thought was hilarious about it all was afterward Shabby couldn’t contain the secret of her task and risked a nasty punishment by confessing her mission to Caoimhe. What was the point in doing it? Shabby needed to tell Caoimhe what she did for her because Shabby thought it was an amazing gesture of love.

Pathetic.

Will this affect her chances of eviction? Probably not. I’m sure the public are probably lapping up all the unrequited love. It’s soap opera stuff. But I personally think that it’s getting a bit weird now. It’s almost as bad as Mario and Ben

Almost.

I’ll be back when someone has been kicked out.

– Aaron Poole
Follow Aaron on Twitter – @AaronFever

Day 10

Davina opened my eyes to something last night during the eviction show. The first evicted housemates in all 11 seasons of Big Brother UK have been women. I’m not necessarily shocked by this but I am intrigued. What’s the root cause of this?

Rachael was the first to go last night. Despite the fact the crowd was chanting “Get Sunshine out” (which she heard and will no doubt result in a mental breakdown over the next few days) Rachael was an unsurprising evictee if you thought about it.

The first night as people were being chosen for the show Big Brother showed the housemates’ VTs to the crowd. Rachael, who referred to herself more than once as being the best looking person she knows, had the pleasure of the crowd turning on her after just 30 seconds. It was a beautiful thing to behold as a girl on the high of being chosen for the show is quickly torn back down live in front of millions watching. It’s part of what fascinates me about Big Brother and it’s part of what’s wrong with Big Brother too.

Why does everyone hate me?

I was going to try and dissect the “women out” phenomena by trying to find a connecting link between all of the first evictees. But the problem is, there really isn’t one. Other than the XX chromosome connection. So what is the real connection?

As Davina rightly pointed out during the post eviction interview, the larger portion of Big Brother voters are female. Now I could draw conclusions from this alone and resort to old theories about how women hate women and women hate beautiful women even more but I feel like it’s too obvious an answer, although I’m not ruling it out.

I think we also have to look at why women are always nominated by the housemates over men in the early stages. The public can’t vote these women out unless they’re up for eviction in the first place. The house was split evenly with seven men and seven women, so why were 3 girls on the chopping block? If we take the stereotype that women hate beautiful women, then why did Rachael not get nominated by any women in the house? She only became available for eviction when David replaced himself with her.

There has been a theory over the years that men are intimidated by intellectual women. I think we can all agree that this theory is not applicable here. Did David replace himself with her because she walked around in her knickers a lot and his predilection for christian values meant he had a problem with her?

Too cheeky for you?

The only thing I can really take from it is that whatever it is that causes this coincidence of female evictions, it’s probably what has driven John James insane for the last week. His moods and reactions to Rachael have been so extreme that it has to be a primal instinct within him to hate her. And maybe that primal reaction is within much of the public.

Am I reading too much into this? After all Rachael only got 37% of the vote so she’s obviously not a runaway loser but she was one of three women available for eviction so maybe the public was spoiled for choice.

It does however point towards a worrying trend that the 3 loudest and most opinionated women in the house were the ones in trouble this week. Is there something we’re not admitting to ourselves?

– Aaron Poole
Follow Aaron on Twitter – @AaronFever

Day 8

Bye bye Rachael, Rachael good bye. Brilliant. I’m bloody chuffed with Dave. Ok she is not gone yet, but I have a good feeling about it. Hold on, I’m getting ahead of myself here. Let me go back a bit.

So here was me expecting to tell you all my thoughts on this week’s nominations. Sunshine (unsuprising), Dave (also not very surprising) and Shabby (I hate her with the power of a thousand suns but I thought she was settling in well in the house so I was shocked by that one). But when Big Brother anounced the nomination results the housemates weren’t given long to think about it before being rushed into a task to save themselves from eviction.

The nominated three had to dress up in mouse outfits and grab some cheese over spinning wheels in the fastest time. I could explain the task better but what they were doing was not as important as the result of what they did.

Dave did the task the fastest and won. He was told he was saved from nomination but had to choose another housemate to replace him on the chopping block.

Having to make this decision in front of them all was fascinating to watch. You could really see him think and panic about who to pick. An awkward situation which wasn’t made any easier by the likes of Shabby telling him to pick someone he doesn’t like and saying “I know exactly who I would pick”. Harsh.

He eventually went with Rachael. An understandable decision as he did nominate her and she’s an absolute cow. She instantly bursts into tears and makes a real scene of it. Govan storms off like a child. Nathan was one of the few people who had a brain and said “well, he had to pick someone”. While I got a good giggle out of it, it was a terrible situation to be in and guilt tripping David was going to get you anywhere.

Still. I’m happy.

Looks like this mouse will stay in the house

As per usual, nominations effect people in different ways. Sunshine seems to have just taken the news and gotten on with it. She’s been almost likeable since being told. I did say almost. But Shabby, well, she’s losing her mind.

In what seemed to be a very normal conversation, Ben was talking to Shabby about how he could never tell if her reactions to things were her being genuine or just being a bit dramatic for the fun of it. He seemed to say it in a friendly way and mentioned because she was an actress this can be a common trait.

Well, you’d swear he just called her a pig fucker. She flipped the lid and seemed like she was going to resort to punching him. While this act could have won her the whole show she instead resorted to being a stroppy teenager and telling him to go away.

Fair enough, she got insulted by the comment, although I don’t really see how, but she made such a production of it that Shabby confirmed his sentiment. I hope someday she’ll see the irony in her statement that (paraphrasing) “acting is just my job it doesn’t have anything to do with my personality”.

What disgusted me most though was that she made Ben beg for forgiveness. And she still acted like he was the scum of the earth after hours of his grovelling.

Psycho killer: Qu’est que c’est

I realise I do a lot of bitching during this blog, however one person who really impressed me this week is John James. He doesn’t have book smarts but he seems to have people smarts.

While the man’s brain consists mostly of candyfloss he has managed to figure out a few people and their motivations.

I won’t go into his little fight with Rachael because I feel he let himself down a bit there but he managed to point out a lot of truths during the rest of the day.

He successfully pointed out that Ben put up with Shabby’s tantrum because he is desperate to be liked by everyone in the house. He also correctfully called Rachael out on being the snarky arogant monster that she really is too. He even had the self knowledge that the only reason Rachael fancied him was because he wasn’t talking to her. The man is a regular Freud, but you know, without all the mother sex.

Man of the people / Man of the stupid people

Although the mother/sex thing might not be completely out of the window. Josie, (a very homely, down to earth, motherly type figure) seems to be winning the battle for his affections. He has regularly flirted with her and seems to have no problems admitting openly that he likes her.

The most unlikely of romance? Maybe not, he seems to be a bit of useless man around the house. Remember the pizzas? So Josie might be the type of girl that can look after him. I’m probably being unfair and it’s something purer than that.

Probably not.

– Aaron Poole
Follow Aaron on Twitter – @AaronFever

Day 4

They’re only in the house a couple of days and already the bitching has begun.

For those who think that only the first season of Big Brother was a “social experiment” and the rest isn’t, you’re doing it wrong. I always find the interaction of people in group scenarios extremely fascinating on a psychological level and this year the battle lines are getting drawn pretty early.

I mentioned in my first report that Govan was likely to create a partnership with somebody in order to gain a little power in the house. Early indicators seems that it will be Beyonce/Rachael. Which is not a bad choice for him, she seems eager to bitch about everyone in there and likes to throw her weight around a little bit.

It all started when the housemates made their first shopping list. Sunshine was trying to stress that food should be bought with the little money that they had (crazy concept, I know) and the Rachael-Govan monster had a little rant about it behind her back in the kitchen. They claim it wasn’t fair that, as a vegan, Sunshine got her own food. To a certain extent I agree with that as her veganism is a choice and not a health requirement but all she was asking for was food, not a new dress or something. I have no issue with Rachael and Govan being a little bit annoyed by it but they were talking about it as if they deserved a medal for not making it an argument.

This carried on to when Rachael found out that they didn’t buy any tokens to use with hair dryers and straighteners. The hair dresser nearly shit herself over the idea that she might have to tie her hair up for a few days.

To go from acting high and mighty about “buying for the group” during the shopping list while looking down her nose at Sunshine for asking for something personal to then moaning to everyone that they should have spent money on her hair is a pretty big drop in standards in a short period of time. Rachael is painting herself as a selfish prima-donna and I don’t think she even realises it.

<

Yeah, keep quiet, you might last longer.

The housemates won their shopping budget with the first house task. They were suspended 40 metres in the air as they sat around a dinner table. One housemate needed to stay in the house and scared-of-her-own-shadow Sunshine asked to stay grounded because she is “medically” unable to stand heights. Right. Anyway, after their sky lunch Sunshine had to draw newspaper quotes in a Pictionary sort of game. For every quote they guessed right, they would get more money for their shopping budget.

I have to give her some credit, Sunshine did a decent job with some awkward phrases. One was “squatter” and I know I would have gone a much ruder route than she did, so fair play.

One thing that made me roll my eyes though was John James during this task. He is literally as dumb as a bag of bricks. You can sometimes see the brass cogs turning in his head as he tries to spell his own name. Keep an eye on him as the days go by because he’s really going to make a show of himself. He kept asking if one phrase had anything to do with Australia. I don’t know why other than it’s probably one of 18 words he knows.

Does it have anything to do with me?

Poor old Mario. I have to admit, I’m starting to fall in love with this guy. First night there, while talking to Caoimhe he was asked if he liked anyone in the house. He said plastic man Ben was nice. Caoimhe then makes a pretty rude gesture for someone you know less than 24 hours and asked Ben if he was gay. He said no. Instant rejection for poor Mario. Some nice pay back arrived for Caoimhe when Ben claimed he thought she was gay. Sorry dear, but that haircut is doing you no favours so you’ll have to accept that one.

Mario has been sneaking about as the mole fantastically. He has lied through his teeth about the whole ordeal but not once has he come across as a sneak or deceiver. Everyone is buying it hook line and sinker because of his doe eyes and softy exterior. All the while he has been planting evidence of a different mole and throwing food into the pool. He’s the perfect pick for this, even if he was picked out of a hat.

I said before that this task is possibly going to make him a show winner and I still stand by it. He is getting plenty of screen time at a stage that we’re still getting to know the housemates and he gets to have some good stuff with The Tree. For anyone who saw the Celebrity Big Brother season last Christmas will tell you, The Tree is a fantastically funny inanimate object.

Here’s hoping he passes this task and sticks around because it would be a terrible shame to lose him.

Mario, man of the people/man of the mole people

Quick round up of my other thoughts:

1) Stop talking about cameramen. They’re there to film you, its not a big conspiracy, it’s the fucking show. We don’t care.
2) I still hope Shabby dies somehow.
3) They need to stop imitating Josie’s voice, it’s kind of cruel. And an ear ache.
4) Where did Ife go? You’d forget she was in there.

I’ll be back with more nattering during the week.

– Aaron Poole
Follow Aaron on Twitter – @AaronFever

Day 1

Here we go again.

Big Brother UK has reached it’s 11th and final series. For those not in the UK and Ireland, you may not realise the kind of juggernaut this has been on television for the last decade. It has defined a long trend in broadcasting changes, been front page news on innumerable occasions, caused international incidents, raised nobodies to celebrities and tore them back down again. Like it or loathe it (and the people have been picking sides with conviction since day one) you can’t get away from it. At it’s best, it’s a tool for social education and at worst its trash television made to shatter dreams. For the next 13 weeks it’s going to dominate a lot of the press and airwaves.

I bloody love it. And I feel it’s final bow needs to be talked about.

The UK set up is very different from the American one for many reasons but two key reasons in particular:

1) Housemates are forbidden from discussing nominations.
This is important because the US version is very tactical and seems to be more about “alliances” than friendships or having a good time.

2) The housemates (minimum of two) who have received the most nominations for eviction will be voted out by the public.
Now here is where the game really changes because not only are the housemates being watched by the public but they’re also being judged by them. Harshly, too. The pantomime of eviction nights are a cruel thing but part of the beauty of the show. These fame hungry lunatics are driven so demented by whether or not they are being received favourably by the outside world that they start to lose grip of their actions inside the house and things start to get nutty from there.

Add to this the belief that they’re all going to be stars once they leave the house (which in reality is a really slim chance as very few previous housemates are doing anything more than their old jobs or sitting on their arses) and you get a mindset that is more of a ticking time bomb of delusion rather than one of rational thought.

Last night the new housemates entered. The style in which they brought them in changed from previous years. A group of 81 hapless hopefuls were assembled and 13 were chosen on the night. They didn’t really mention why they did this clearly but it was an obvious ploy to stop their housemates being leaked to the press before the night itself.

The 14th housemate was then chosen at random out of a tombola and given a special task for the first week. As seen in previous seasons the housemates have often theorized that a mole would be planted in the house to confuse them, well this year BB decided to be pretty blatant about it and made the poor man dress in a mole outfit, wear a sign saying “I am a mole” and made him sleep in a mole hutch. His task is to not be fingered as a mole. They weren’t joking when they called it his impossible mission.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself here. It was launch night so I’m going to give you my first impressions of our cast and save the house antics for another day.

Here’s my run down. Be aware, I’m going to be blunt.

Ben

Nob nob nobby nob nob. Extremely posh but in denial about it. Probably isn’t even in denial but he knows that the public who watch this show won’t like his upbringing (we’re a bitter bunch) so is trying to claim he is a man of the people. He has worked behind the scenes on a few reality shows so I’m surprised they let him on. Won’t last very long. He’ll most likely walk out after somebody gets aggressive with him. It’s a shame because he’ll probably be fascinating to watch considering he’ll be the only one in there with table manners.

Caoimhe

Bollocks, I was hoping there wouldn’t be an Irish entry this year. Made all the worse by the fact that she’s a southside Dublin girl (ask an Irish man about “D4 girls” and stand back). She seems instantly dislikeable but my girlfriend thought she was pretty. I don’t agree with my girlfriend on this though. The only plus to having her around is she’ll probably snog the first guy who shows her interest and her name is hilariously confusing to the Brits. One snag, she pronounces her own name wrong. She says its “kee-vah” but in reality its “Quee-veh”. Lame.

Corin

“OhmygodlikeJordanismyhero”. Blech. Slapped up like a glamour model and all the class of one too. What was fun though is that as soon as she said she wanted to be like Katie Price the crowd instantly started to “boo” her. She claimed defiantly that she didn’t care what people think but unfortunately my dear they control you on a show like this so you better care. They’ll probably love her by the end though as the British public get retarded over a “tart-with-a-heart” character.

Dave

As soon as I saw the monk outfit I knew I didn’t like him. Used to be an alcohol and drug abuser until he claims he felt the joy of god and has been getting “high” with the help of the lord ever since. Apparently has big holy raves on a regular basis. This seems to be just a way for him to try and promote his little church of godoholics so good luck to him. He could be comedy but his laugh seems forced and he’ll most likely turn out to be boring once he stops trying so hard.

Govan

Token queen of the house. He might get crushed in the first few weeks if he’s not careful. Seems like he could be a nice bloke though. He’ll need to get a “bestie” soon as it seems he loves a good gossip and that will go begging if he doesn’t create a harem around himself. His “bff” pick will be crucial to how far he’ll go in the house.

Ife

Pronounced “Iffy” and sure to give the tabloid writers a heart attack with joy for all the possibilities they can have with her in headlines. She could turn into a wreck the head though as her introduction hinted at a need to be singer. The fame hunger can make people seem desperate and sad sometimes so hopefully she can keep that in check and not wind everyone up with constant attention seeking tactics. “Look at me singing!” “sign me up to a contract!”.

John James

Asshole. I’m calling it now. Loves himself and doesn’t care about anything else. He has already claimed he won’t clean up and that ALWAYS ends badly on this show. Will probably try and get off with 2 or 3 girls in the house after a few drinks and will no doubt get himself into endless trouble. I actually just want to punch his pouting face. ARGH!

Josie

My tip to win it (yes it’s only the first night but you can usually call these things early). “Bubbly” country bumpkin and fattest girl in the house. She’s a shoe in. I would like to clarify that she’s not remotely fat but she seems to be the only person who isn’t a stick insect in the house so unfortunately she’s landed with that role this year. She’ll get lots of love for this fact alone from the largely gay/female public. They love the ones who are “just like us” so if she can act a bit dim and be nice to everyone she can’t lose this.

Mario

Poor sod got landed with the mole task. Seems to be doing his job well though so far. I felt very sympathetic towards him as he seemed like a deer in headlights upon getting the news. This might be the sort of exposure he needed to do well in the competition though because he may have been a background player without this attention. He has no “wacky” angle to play up otherwise. Likeable fellow though.

Nathan

Mancunian geeeeeeeeezer. Could rub people up the wrong way if he stays as “in your face” as he seemed at first. Another “joe soap” who could go far as long as he doesn’t rock the boat but I get the impression he could start a few arguments and might get a bit aggressive after the booze starts to flow. And yes, I’m being completely judgemental and stereotyping the guy. But it’s the first night.

BeyonSORRY I mean Rachael

I’m gonna call her Beyonce for the rest of the show and I don’t care. Was happy to tell people she was a hairstylist on the night but seemed a bit embarrassed to talk about her work as a Beyonce impersonator. Prettiest in the house and she’ll fight to keep that title. Already seems to be getting derision from the females watching as our host Davina couldn’t stop making catty remarks about her. She could be the attention of the house for several reasons so I think we’re going to be talking about her for some time to come.

Shabby

I hate her. For several primal reasons but mostly because she’s trying too hard. “LOOK AT ME, I’M CRA-RAAAAAAY-ZAY”. Ridiculous toff who squats in houses because she’s so arty. Honestly, there is bile building up in me just thinking about her. If we were in medieval times she’d probably run half the country. I would have put her head on a stick or died trying.

Steve

Probably the bookies favourite and for good reason. Amputee from fighting for his country with 8 kids, you try and vote the guy off without looking like a heartless scumbag! Has an easy ride to the final unless he fucks it up by being a bully to someone. I felt a little uncomfortable though during his entrance. This year BB has a “carnival” sort of theme and when a guy with no legs is standing there, waving to a crowd, it was all too literal of a “freak show” to me. It was an awkward decision.

Sunshine

Her real name is Yvette but she’s another toff (this year is full of upper/middle class kids) who thinks she is a free spirit. She thinks this mostly because she has had a free ride in life. These sort of folks invariably get voted off by the public at a first chance. We may not have the money in our family like you do “Sunshine” but we have phone credit and that means you’re fucked, darling.

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So there you have it. My opening thoughts on our players for this final game. I’ll be back after Friday night’s show. Stay tuned!

– Aaron Poole
Follow Aaron on Twitter – @AaronFever