Howdy Interwebbers. I’m Matt Cohen, and I’m semi- consistent this week.

I hope you all got a chance to check out part one of this column (which can be found here) and are ready to jump right into the thinny and come out on the other side. So if you’ll kindly allow me to skip formalities, let’s get right into part 2 of the DARK TOWER fantasy casting session, this time taking a look at the characters from Roland’s past, featured in the fourth book in the series, THE WIZARD AND THE GLASS”…

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YOUNG ROLAND DESCHAIN = UNKNOWN (or with a time machine, River Phoenix)

I can’t do it. I’m sorry gang, I tried. I really did. But I can’t… Just can’t. I cannot think of a young actor to fill in the “early” shoes of Roland Deschain. Outside of the elder Roland casting, I really think this is one of the more important roles in the books (and thereby and adaptation of them). I am ashamed and sorry to say I have failed you all. But rather fail purposely then fail by mistake (or hubris). If River Phoenix was alive and 18 years old, I’d say lock it down now. But really, this is a great opportunity to find that next star, that next career that COULD be where River’s was undoubtedly heading. General casting, nationwide/worldwide search, kidnapping. Whatever. Young Roland is out there somewhere. Now we just gotta find him.

SUSANNAH DELGADO = AMBER HEARD

The woman who would steal Roland’s heart, and unintentionally set him on his true quest. I think any male fan can cop to being a little bit in love with the tragic Ms. Delgado, so in casting the role you would need, in my opinion, a young lady who possesses both the looks and charm to make so many men fall in love with her. And I, am hardcore in love with Amber Heard. You may have seen her as Seth Rogen’s high school aged girlfriend in PINEAPPLE EXPRESS, but if you want a real indication of her chops, which she does very much possess, check out the soon to be re-released ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE. There is a sadness to her performance in that film that makes me think she’d be able to carry Susanna, and not just looks wise. Also, I want to marry her and make like 14 babies.

CORTLAND “CORT” ANDRUS = TERRY O’QUINN

Roland’s teacher and first “enemy” Cort should be as wise as he is intimidating. Described as a bald man with a scar… Hmmm. I wonder. JOHN, M’FING LOCKE, that’s who. I’ve been a huge fan of Terry O’Quinn for years, going back to his work on MILLENNIUM, but he certainly put his stamp on the world with his portrayal of everyone favorite crazy old man on ABC’S (and J.J’s… hint hint) LOST. Though not the most physically impressive man in the world, one would only need to see a few minutes of John Locke to know that his eyes can at the same time be soul piercingly frightening, and yet as warm and friendly (and wise) as could be. Also, I want to see him kick some mini gunslinger ass, if you will Sai’.

CUTHBERT ALLGOOD = EMILE HIRSCH/ALAIN JOHNS = JAMIE BELL/JAMIE De CURRIE = DOMINIC MONAGHAN

Why these three actors for these three characters, you may be asking yourself. Well, yourself, here’s my answer. I am cheating. To tell truths, Bert, Alain and Jamie get sort of muddled in my memory, making it hard to really differentiate the personalities of the respective young men. I always remember the important stuff, though. Brave, strong, and would die for Roland. For this reason I chose these three young men, who I think are at the top of their games. Though drastically different in style (less so in look), I think casting these guys would create a fantastic onscreen support system for whoever gets ultimately cast as young Roland. A star in each of their own rights, who would lend untold depth and, in terms of box office appeal, tremendous draw to the series – more specifically to the part of the series that may seem “slow” or “boring” when compared to the tales of Roland’s current Ka-Tet.

RHEA OF THE COOS = HELENA BONHAM CARTER

Imagine the most disgusting, decrepit hag of a witch that you’ve seen in movies, and then multiply that by 10. You have Rhea of the Coos. Impossible to age, impossible to resist (for some), Rhea is King’s most stereotypical “baddie” and yet one of his most effective. Basically, you need to cast the witch to end all witches. And I really can’t think of a woman who can play scary as well as Carter can. Yes, she’s played similar roles before, but never anything THIS outwardly dark and evil. For a woman who seems to pride herself on her range and ability to be more then a pretty face, this role would certainly appeal to her sensibilities. As long as she can promise her husband won’t get involved, I say this is damn near perfect casting (If i do say so myself… which I just did).

ROY DEPAPE = BRAD DOURIF

Eldred Jonas’ right hand man and quite arguably the most “unhinged” of the Big Coffin Hunters. Roy, unlike his handsome friend Clay, is all about two things… Following Jonas’s every order, and causing massive amounts of pain along the way. Now, this character can be read as a young man, as I read Clay, but I also think that an older casting choice would add a dynamic to the strange, almost bully-bullied relationship of Roy and Eldred that, though glossed over in the book, would flesh out these men’s respective backstories very nicely. On that trend, I’d go with old faithful, Brad Dourif. One of the creepiest and yet fantastic character actors I can think of. Imagine the role as a cross between his “baddie” work and his gig on DEADWOOD as a lovable country doctor (STAR TREK, what up!). For my money there’s not many who can play “crazy” like Mr. Dourif can.

CLAY REYNOLDS = BEN FOSTER

The ladykiller of the Big Coffin Hunters (mankiller, too… believe me Sai’). Smarter, better looking then Roy, but with ambitions that make him less trustworthy an associate. I’d go with a younger actor, to widen the gap between Roy and Clay even more. This has to be a man who appears smart, friendly, even downright likable – but when one’s back is turned will gladly stick the knife in. Foster, in his burgeoning career, has played a nice range of roles, showing that he can handle drastically different material. The movie to watch for a sample of what I see in this young man is 3:10 TO YUMA, in which he pretty much plays a sociopathic version of Clay.

SHEEMIE RUIZ = UNKNOWN

Sheemie is an extremely difficult casting choice, possibly the toughest in the series. How can you portray a mentally handicapped individual without appearing offensive or “jokey”. It often doesn’t work in films and, personally, an over the top mentally handicapped portrayal immediately takes me out of the film. So a character as important and loved as Sheemie deserves to be shown with the full grace and truth that King intended. I really think the only way to go with this is to do a open casting call for mentally challenged actors. It would also give a young man a chance to perform at a level they most likely never thought possible due to limitations. I think this is the way to do it.

CORAL THORIN = PATRICIA CLARKSON

Ah, the Thorins. There aren’t many families in fiction that I loathe more then these two out of Mejis. And though the Mayor is repugnant to the max, his sister can be said to be the true evil sibling. Manipulative, cunning, heartless, Coral Thorin is very much the Flagg character during the prequel portion of the series, and though this woman doesn’t strike me as anything as warm and genuine in real life, I really can see her “baddy’ing” out.  Anyone unfamiliar with Ms. Clarkson’s work only need see a few films she is in, in particular her performance in THE STATION AGENT. Also, lady can ROCK a southern accent, which in my head is the only way I have ever heard Coral. She may not be as old or ugly as written, but hey, we live in the age of BENJAMIN BUTTON. I think she’ll be fine.

HART THORIN = DENNIS HOPPER

Creepy, old, and perverted.  And he was in SPEED. I jest, but honestly, this to me is a no-brainer. Though he’s fallen into TV commercial territory lately, there are not many actors who just ooze the vibe that Hopper does, and has been doing for years. If I saw this man on the street, I’d cross the other way. A tad campy, but that would work for the visciously over the top Hart, who only want’s to “Get to know” the alluring Ms. Delgado a bit better. Now he wouldn’t need to go to Frank in BLUE VELVET levels, but if handled (read: directed) right, I think ole’ Dennis could legitimize himself yet again.

STEVEN DESCHAIN = JAMES BROLIN

Who could play the father of Roland? How ’bout… the father of the actor who plays Roland? History is full of father-son acting teams, but rarely are we given the chance to see two generations of the same “theater” family work together. How about we seize the opportunity, and at the same time throw some work to a dude who has fallen out of the game as of late, but still very much exudes “Badass movie star” with every ounce of his being? A bit older, a bit grayer then he may have been years ago, but looking now more then ever like a man who really could control a kingdom. I don’t extensively know the senior Brolin’s work, but just looking at a recent picture convinces me that this guy could really bring something, at least physically, to his role.

GABRIELLE DESCHAIN = MARY McDONNELL

Laura M’Fing Roslin yo. While Gabrielle is beautiful, there is an intangible sadness about her, almost as if she already knew the dastardly deeds Marten would coerce her into committing. In casting this role, I would go for someone who can carry that sense of grace and power, and yet an overwhelming sense of despair. Mary McDonnell has been doing it for years, in both forms. Pride/power (BATTLESTAR GALACTICA) and a crazy level of low (DONNIE DARKO). McDonnell would be visually stunning, but also age appropriate and a good match, I feel, for the choices of Brolin and Henricksen as Steven and Marten, respectively. And at the end of the day… It’s Roslin. So say we all. At least I do.

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Tis’ all for this week, my friends and neigbors, but you know what? I’m digging this Tower talk so much, let’s stretch this bad boy out to one more column. Cover ALL the characters (and anyone I forgot) in the saga (or at least as many as I think are “important”). So please, check back next week for the conclusion (I promise this time) of “The Road To Gilead”.

Until then,

“Long Days and Pleasant Nights”…

(Oh, and keep em’ Bagged and Boarded!)

–Matt Cohen is currently dressing his dog Hellmutt up like a billy-bumbler

Twitter, YouTube

Howdy Inter-Webbers, I’m Matt Cohen and I’m gonna pretend that I haven’t been away for a while. Or, I’ll lie about it.

Yeah, the second one.

Let’s try that again…

Howdy Inter-Webbers, I’m Matt Cohen and I’m finally back from the Arctic. It was cold, kinda boring, but surprisingly good bagels.

Let’s skip through all the pleasantries and get to a subject near and dear to my heart – Stephen King’s THE DARK TOWER series. Since around the age of 11 I have been obsessed with these books, the characters, and the worlds they inhabit.  Like every other good Tower geek, I have dreamed about the day when the books would be adapted to a more visual format. Well, in Peter David’s comic series for Marvel, we got just that. A new, fresh blast of life has been pumped into an honored but very (and purposefully so) dead series. I assumed once I finished the final book, that Roland and his Ka-Tet would no longer grace the world in new mediums. Thankfully, I was wrong. Along with the comic book which is now in it’s second series, writer, director, producer and Hollywood “It” guy J.J Abrams has announced the acquiring of the rights to adapt the book to film (or television… only time will tell). With this sudden and, quite frankly, awesome news I thought it would be fun to pretend I had the job of casting the films, bringing my cherished childhood  (and beyond) memories to life.

So, without further ado (or adont), I present my dream cast choices for the DARK TOWER films (or television series… Again, J.J’s all about the vagueness).

Also, if you haven’t read the books, do it… Now. Turn off your computer, go to a bookstore or library, and do it.

SPOILER ZONE BELOW, Thankee Sai.

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ROLAND DESCHAIN = JOSH BROLIN

The main man. The last son of Gilead. The last of the Gunslingers. One of the single most iconic and, quite frankly, fantastic characters in the realm of fiction. This is the big one. Cast this wrong, and the whole project falls apart. Roland has been one of the hottest “characters” that actors like to attach themselves to for years, and I’m sure a war is ensuing right now in the talent agencies of Hollywood. I’ve heard Bale, I’ve heard Jackman, and while they both and many others would LOOK like Roland, I think Josh Brolin would bring the sense of solemn pride and years and years worth of pain that Roland carries with every step of his weary feet. Look at his work in NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN as a sort of model for how Roland’s tone and demeanor should be. Lots of thoughts going on, but you can’t read it in his face. And maybe that’s what it comes down to. That blank, reading your soul type poker face that Brolin can rock so perfectly. Also, I tend to think Roland is closer in age to 50 then 40, so Brolin would work perfectly in that respect, as well. And, on a nitpicking note, though Bale and Wolvie can do a convincing American accent, there’s no substitute for the real thing. Anyone who doesn’t see this should just wait for JONAH HEX which is almost a Roland audition in my mind.

Runner Up: Viggo Mortensen – Would make a fine Roland if not a little to pretty, but I do think our collective memories of Aragorn cloud our judgement a bit.

EDDIE DEAN = JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT

The second member of the Palaver and our first link as readers to our own world, worthless, weak, addicted Eddie – in the course of 6 books – goes from helpless junkie to a hero only rivaled by Roland himself. Eddie is 23, a NYC native, and badly addicted to heroin when we meet him, so casting wise I think I would go for a guy who can play both “junkie” and “heartthrob” to carry the entire arc believably. If you haven’t caught this young man’s work since 3’RD ROCK FROM THE SUN, you may be a bit puzzled right now. If you caught flicks such as the phenomenal BRICK, then you would know that Levitt is obviously one of the finest young actors working today, and could easily pull off the pathos needed for Eddie. And I know we’ve never really seen what Eddie is supposed to look like, but in my mind, this is pretty much it.

Runner Up: Shia Lebouf – I do genuinely see the appeal in Shia and think he will have a long and great career, but this may be a bit too “hard” for his current sensibilities.

ODETTA HOLMES/DETTA WALKER = GINA TORRES

The trickiest bit of casting in my opinion. This actress would have to portray three distinct characters, different ages, and DRASTICALLY divergent personalities. My one exposure to Torres was her work on FIREFLY and SERENITY, but anyone who’s seen her act know that she plays a strong female character, to say the least. You would need to capture the fire of Detta, the wisdom of Odetta,  and the beauty and love of Susannah. I think Ms. Torres is definitely able to meet the challenge. Also, we know for sure that she can handle a weapon.

Runner Up: Zoe Saldana – I haven’t seen STAR TREK yet so my only experience with her is her bit parts in the PIRATES movies, but man, is she gorgeous… Yeah, that’s all I got.

JAKE CHAMBERS = DAEG FAERCH

A cry of “who? rings out across the internet. If anyone saw Rob Zombie’s mediocre HALLOWEEN reboot, they may remember the one entertaining aspect of the film – the kid who played young Michael Myers. I really dig this kid’s look, which is far from your conventional “pretty boy” child actors. Rather, Daeg looks like an actual kid, something I think would tremendously boost our attachment to the tragic and tragically wonderful character of Roland’s “adopted” son, Jake Chambers. Now, we don’t know if this kid quite has the chops, but the look works and he’s age appropriate. I say give him a shot. Also, because I refuse to cast Freddy Highmore in literally every single role meant for a male between the ages of 9 and 15.

Runner Up: Unknown general casting call…

MARTEN/WALTER/RANDALL FLAGG = LANCE HENRIKSEN

The baddie to end all baddies. Stephen King’s version of the devil, or if not the devil himself, certainly his main trickster demon. Randall Flagg, or some derivation of him, has appeared in too many Stephen King books to count. Most notably THE STAND, but certainly at the forefront of the Tower series as well. I mean, it all started when the man in black fled across the desert… so we would need an actor who can give off a sense of pure evil while at the same time a strange charm. Someone who could be ageless and just “reborn” all at once. Basically, a badass mo’fo. And if you know me, theres only one man who that could be – Lance…. Henriksen. Yes, that Lance Henriksen. The man who gave us Bishop, Frank Black, and Ed Harley. One of the coolest, most iconic, but sadly underused and overlooked actors alive today. THIS would be the role to define his career. A chance to channel all that swagger and mystery into a character finally worthy of his talents, rather then whatever sci-fi channel movie of the week he’s done recently. Look at those eyes – shark eyes… doll’s eyes…

Flagg’s eyes.

Runner Up: None needed. This is the role he was born to play.

PERE CALLAHAN = BRENDAN GLEESON

One of the fan’s favorite characters, the priest we knew and loved in SALEM’S LOT returns from apparent death to save and join Roland’s Ka-Tet and to play a bigger role in the sage than anyone could have foreseen. Lovable, noble, trustworthy. A stand up guy. And for as long as I’ve been a fan of the man’s work, I get that exact vibe off of the fantastic Brendan Gleeson. Though he may not look like the traditional image of Callhan, this man’s range is so wide and varied that he’d have no problem stepping into the vamp hunting priest’s shoes. His casting would add an air of “esteem” to the project as well, because it’s only a matter of time that critics and award voters recognize him as one of the greatest actors of his generation.

Runner Up: James Cromwell – Because I like crappy Stephen King TV miniseries. If it wasn’t TOO broke, I guess don’t fix it.

CRIMSON KING = DOUG JONES

The Pale Man. The Fawn. The Angel of Death. Abe Sapien. Silver Surfer. ______ Hobbit Role. The modern king of creature performances. And the Crimson King is about as far from a human as you can get. This, my friends, is what they call a no-brainer (cue PLANET TERROR reference)

Runner Up: Zach Efron – He creeps me out. In the sense that I think he wants to murder me and do terrible things to my soul. A la the Crimson King

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Now, the remainder of the characters, though “secondary”, are extremely important and cherished to Tower fans like myself, and I’ll be back next week for part 2 of this column, with a look at who I would cast to fill out the rest of the DARK TOWER universe. So please, if you enjoyed this little venture, check back next week for the conclusion. All of your friends are doing it… PEER PRESSURE!!!!

And, as always, please give a listen to BAGGED & BOARDED w/ Matt and Jesse and MEWESCAST, exclusively here at QUICK STOP ENTERTAINMENT.

Until next time friends,

“Long days and pleasant nights”

–“MATT COHEN is currently dancing the Commala!”

Twitter= CamelToad (cause everybody’s doing it!)

Howdy Inter-webbers, I’m Matt Cohen, and I dig The Incredible Hulk

In a year (and summer season) that may very well go down as having the best comic book movie slate ever, one film has really grown on me. While Dark Knight is brooding and cinemtacally triumphant, and Iron Man is slick and hip and a great origin story, the movie I find myself re-watching the most (and will most likely continue to do so) is Louis Leterrier’s “clinic on fun”, The Incredible Hulk (Hellboy 2 not included in said math… It’s HB. Gonna trump ALL others in my mind).

I am happy to report that the DVD/Blu-Ray release of the film not only packs in more features than most DVDs in general, but the overall enthusiasm of the filmmakers make the disc one that bumps into my all-time favorite home releases. Some might’ve thought that, due to the film’s “underwhelming” performance box office, we may get that standard “embarrassed-no frills” DVD release, but it couldn’t be less the case. But before I go flapping my jaws, let’s take a look at the disc(s). I will be reviewing the special edition Blu-Ray version, but most if not all features crossover to the standard (But get a Blu-Ray already!!!!).

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THE FLICK: Though I may be repeating myself a bit here (My original review of the film), this movie is pure, unadulterated fun. Look, it’s not going to win any awards, or change the way people see films, but damn it if Leterrier and Co. didn’t make a balls-to-the-wall blast of a good time. THIS is what super hero films should be, in my not so humble opinion. Yes, Dark Knight is powerful and moving and all that good stuff, but at the end of the day it’s not fun. Fun – a simple concept some seem to overlook these days, especially relating to comic book movies. Everyone wants reality and truth and grit, and I’m in the back row going “What happened to the fun?”. Hulk happened. It sadly seems like we will not get a sequel, but at least this film exists for our repeat viewing pleasure. Look, there are more challenging, deeper films out there, but when it comes to pure pulp entertainment, The Incredible Hulk does and will continue to do it for me.

THE COMMENTARY: I was extremely surprised (and truthfully disappointed) to find that Edward Norton is nowhere on this DVD (more to follow), and the commentary is no exception. So no Norton, no star, no Banner… What do we get? Director extraordinaire Louis Leterrier and Mr. Orange himself, Tim Roth. So, a Frenchman and a Brit doing commentary on one of America’s most beloved fictional characters. And… they nail it! The zest for the process and the respect that both men have for the source material shines through in every sentence of this, a very in depth and passionate look at a film that is “Much more then it needed to be”. Leterrier has got himself a new fan (already was on the Roth tip).

THE EXTRAS:

Alternate Opening: Pretty damn great, if you ask me. Yes, the filmmakers (and most likely the studio) have a point that it tips its hat to a pretty dark direction and would set a dreary mood off the bat, but in terms of being evocative and staying true to the nature of the comic (the more recent years of the comic, as least), it works. Everyone has by now heard of the “Captain America Cameo” but folks, I’ve got a big HDTV and I freeze-framed this sucker 30 times. I see nothing. Maybe a dark blur. (EDITOR’S NOTE: I saw it. So there.) This scene definitely deserves to be seen and enjoyed by all.

The Making of Incredible: Not surprisingly, another nice little feature to round out this great release. Here we have your standard behind the scenes doc… nothing special. What makes it truly worth watching though is (and not surprisingly if you’ve been reading this column) a man who I can see myself becoming a huge fan of in the near future, Mr. Louis Leterrier. Yes, like 99%  of the features, it’s sadly Norton less, and while I would have liked to have seen Edward’s take on the process (and just how involved he really was), it’s a very worthwhile feature for any fans of the film.

Becoming the Hulk: CGI done right. I was one of the folks defending the Hulk’s look in the Ang Lee incarnation. Wow… I want to punch me from 7 or so years ago in the face right now. The “Incredible” Hulk is MILES beyond the previous versions, in terms of both comic book accuracy and straight out bad-assness. This feature takes us into the design process for Big Green and, while nothing groundbreaking, it’s a really insightful look into how they arrived at the Hulk that they did (In particular, seeing all the various concept sketches really made my day). A in-depth look into one of the best CGI characters in film history. Check it.

Becoming the Abomination: Basically the same as above, but featuring Roth and The Abomination. At first I was not a fan of the character’s look in the film, but after some repeat viewings I am fine, if not happy, with it. At first I was upset that it lacked the reptilian look of the comics, but now going back and especially seeing it being developed through the design process I realize that I was wrong and the CGI does manage to evoke (while not emulate) the look of the comic book A-Bomb. Cool little segment that gave me a deeper appreciation for the film’s main “baddie”

Anatomy of a Hulk Out: In my opinion the fight scenes in this film are some of the strongest CGI battles we have seen to date. There is such a fluidity to the movements, a real sense of weight and power that is sadly missing in some (if not most) CGI creations. Sure, the Toronto for New York isn’t that polished, but other then that, a near perfect fight scene, and one which I’ll take any insight I can on.

Deleted Scenes: Sorry kids, no Fury and no Captain. This isn’t that DVD. What does lie here is a collection of deleted/extended scenes that I personally would love to see assembled back into the film as a “director’s cut”. More Norton is always a good thing, but I particularly dug seeing some more Ross/Samson action.

FINAL WORD: A stacked DVD that compliments the “Stacked” film. In the realm of comic book movies, this one has quickly shot to the top of the heap, and though new, better films will undoubtedly come out, I highly doubt The Incredible Hulk will ever get stale or outdated. The film we should’ve gotten years ago (If only we were getting a sequel…. sad panda). A must buy for any comic fan and a should buy for movie fans in general.

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Sadly, tis all for now campers. Look for some very exciting developments in the next few months, and please keep checking out the most “factually inaccurate pod on the web”, Bagged & Boarded, starring yours truly and the mouth from the south, Jesse Rivers (Hosted right here on QuickStopEntertainment.com!!!). But most importantly, and as always (and now podcast appropriate),

“Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

–Matt Cohen is currently Rulking out…. It’s a red hulk thing.

Howdy Interwebbers. I’m Matt Cohen and I dig Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Saw it twice in theaters, bought the soundtrack. Love it. My favorite comedy of ’08 so far (Zack and Miri Halloween night, kiddos). Of the principal cast, the only member I was aware of was Mila Kunis – so not only did I get a hilariously funny movie this year, I got introduced to Kristen Bell, Jason Segal and Russell Brand, all three which I am a big fan of now. But all of that was then, and some time has passed. Just how would this “pinnacle” of comedy (in my opinion) hold up after a few months of distraction/other movies.

I got my hands on the newly released Blu-Ray edition of the film, and am proud to report it holds up. Really well (Well enough that I am super psyched about the Brand/Hill spinoff Get me to the Greek). Just how well does it hold up, you may be asking? Why don’t we take a look at the new DVD release of the film, and we may just find out. Look up… OK, thanks. Now look down. Much better.

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FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL

THE FLICK: What can I say that I haven’t already, in various mediums and rants? I love this damn movie. This, to me, was the true surprise of ’08. I had never (and have never) seen Freaks and Geek or Undeclared, so this was my first real exposure to the wonderful man-squatch that is Jason Segal (I’ve seen gotten into HIMYM, which is my favorite abbreviation on the web). I remember liking the trailer for the film, and being excited to see it, but nothing could prepare me for how hard I would laugh upon first (and second, and third, and fourth) viewings. This DVD promises to be the “Unrated-extended edition”, but in a movie that featured prominent dudity (and from the lead, at that), nothing really feels “unrated” – but, rather, deleted. And that’s fine, because most if not all of the new material is additional lines in established scenes, with only one or two exceptions (featuring a yoga scene with the always great Kristen Wigg) and none of the jokes stray from the rest of the film, so nothing feels tacked on or forced. (My new favorite line in the movie is in the extended scenes… “She made me a baby!!!!!”. ) If you liked the theatrical version, you will enjoy the DVD edition just the same. There is nothing radically different, but for a fan like myself, ANY additional material is wanted and highly appreciated. One of the funnier movies I’ve seen in years and one of the sweeter ones as well. I don’t always subscribe to the Apatow formula, but director Nick Stoller has nailed that combo of silly and serious, making this movie much more than its gross out compatriots. This will become one of THOSE classic comedies, and I for one will get a hell of a lot of use out of this disc.

THE EXTRAS: I’ll break these down by feature, all blurb style and what not-

Deleted And Extended Scenes: Lots of good stuff, much of which makes it into the extended cut. Almost longer then the movie itself.

Line-O-Rama: An Apatow staple that, while not as brilliant as the ones on other discs, still manages to leave you rolling on the floor laughing for a few minutes. Some really funny, messed up stuff.

Gag Reel: Silly and short, but good for a few laughs. Kind of too similar to a line-o-rama to be anything crazy good.

“We’ve Got To Do Something” ““ We get a taste of it in the film, but Brand’s extended video is funnier then we could have ever expected. If there was ever a perfect casting call, it was Russell Brand as Aldous Snow.

“Dracula’s Lament”: Jason Segel’s table read version of the film’s hilarious Dracula song

“A Taste For Love”: A neat little doc on the creation of the puppets used in the film’s finale. A must see for any Muppet/puppet fans.

Raw Footage: Remember that Video Ichat scene in the movie? Well, it didn’t go as easy as it looks. Check out Bill Hader corpsing for 10 straight minutes. Funny stuff.

Red Band Trailer: It’s a trailer! But for real, I don’t remember the red band for some reason. It’s a mini movie!

Puppet Break-Up:  Add puppets and I am there. Segal is my hero. I hope he writes Sweetums into this new Muppet flick. Now I’m just thinking out loud.

Sex-O-Rama: Note to future writers: Always make sure the character you will play winds up sleeping with like 10 gorgeous women. Hollywood is so tough, folks. Basically, a line-o-rama in the bedroom. Great stuff.

Drunk-O-Rama: Another O-Rama… Really? Sex and the City extended makes this bit worth the price of admission alone. “I’m the short haired one”

Russell Brand: Aldous Snow: America, meet the funniest, self proclaimed “Transvestite Scarecrow” to make the jump cross the pond in many a year.

“The Letter U”: I would watch Snow read the phonebook, so any Aldous extras obviously make me a happy bloke. What’s best is this is how Brand probably talks to kids in real life.

Crime Scene: Can you say, Baldwin-O-Rama? I can… It’s not that hard.

Sarah’s New Show: These were kind of dumb, and you can see why they wound up choosing the mildly funny “Animal Instincts” over the non funny other show ideas. Bateman as the angel cracked me up though.

Video Diaries: Your standard video production diary, but graced with the comedic talents of the cast. Not boring for a minute, and not tied down in film minutiae. More good stuff.

THE COMMENTARY: The fun continues.  Director Nick Stroller, Executive Producer Rodney Rothman, Producer Shauna Robertson, Writer/Star Jason Segel And Cast Members Kristen Bell (Kind of), Mila Kunis, Russell Brand, and Jack McBrayer (via satellite) sit in for what is a loose, friendly, and very funny commentary track. Don’t expect any deep insights into the filmmaking process, but a group of people who seem to genuinely dig each other, watching and talking about a very funny little movie. There are so many dynamics to this group as well, from the madcap Segal to the insanely cerebral Brand and right down to the lovable southern gent that is McBrayer (who is the victim of a 2 hour gang-up session on this track… A hilarious one). What one gets from listening to this track is a feeling of how much of a blast this flick was to shoot, and it makes sense when one sees the finished product. Bonus points to anyone who can figure out the identity of the mystery PA (Took me a few minutes). If the movie alone isn’t enough, and you need more time with the assembled gang, this commentary should definitely do the trick.

Overall, one of my new favorite discs (BLU-RAY, baby), which just happens to contain one of my new favorite movies. If you’ve seen the film, I assume you have/will be picking this puppy up at some point. If you haven’t, I can promise you an awesome moviegoing experience (unless you don’t like funny movies, and in that case, I promise you NOTHING!!!)

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Tis all for now, but check back next week for more comic goodness. And while you’re at it, why not give a listen to Quick Stop Entertainment’s newest podcast sensation, BAGGED & BOARDED, with Matt Cohen (I know that guy) and Jesse Rivers (I kinda know him). It’s podtastic. And of course, as always (and now podcast appropriate),

Keep em’ bagged and boarded

–Matt Cohen is currently working for Kaiser Permanente

Howdy Interwebbers. I’m Matt Cohen, and I dig monkeys.

Can’t help it. They’re hysterical. I mean… look at them. Some even wear bowties! So it is in this grand tradition of simian love that I can happily say that not only have our hairy cousins invaded the world of comicdom, but they actually have spawned a fantastic series, and it’s my pick for book of the week.

What can I be referring to, you may ask? Well, let’s get into the week that was, and maybe you’ll just find out. Nosy…

Get ready, steady… go.

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DC

D.C Universe Decisions # 1: Or, Funny books get all political. I at first passed over this book on my way across the rack, but upon second viewing decided to investigate further (Ollie was on the cover and Bill Willingham wrote it. How could i pass that up?). So I had no idea what I was getting in for – and what I got, I liked. Nothing groundbreaking in this series, but the general conceit – “What would happen is Superheroes began throwing their might around the political arena?” -  is executed by writer Willingham (He of Fables fame) and Green Arrow helmer (and Real-Worlder) Judd Winick well enough that I will be checking in to the rest of the series. It’s kind of fun to think which heroes would fall on which side, red or blue (left or right). In fact, Issue 3 is billed as just that – “Superman: Red or Blue”. Sure, it’s kind of annoying when comics get topical, but this series packs enough uniqueness and Green Arrowness to warrant a read.

Titans # 5: Raven, I apologize for calling you “All Gothy now”. Far from an emo teenager, Raven has “finally” ( I mean, it sort of has been a long time coming) emerged as the true daughter of Trigon that always lurked inside. In a really good issue where most of the meat takes place between Raven and Garth (Beast-Boy),  just when it seemed the Titans were finally “together” again (Cyborg learns to walk. Hurrah!), Raven pulls a quick one – albeit unintentionally – and joins her family as the heir to the demonic kingdom, and as the one person destined to destroy the Teen Titans. This will not go over well – especially with the Team leaders, the on again off again Dick and Kori. It’s about to go down folks… demon style. Will the newly reformed Titans survive a threat from one of their own? I can’t wait to find out. Also, green grizzly bears are hilarious, and I want one. My birthday is coming up. Get on that, kids.

Spirit # 21: Though Darwyn Cooke’s is definitely missed, fan-favorites Sergio Aragones and Mark Evanier (Groo, anyone?) have done quite nicely in assuming the creative duties on the exploits of Denny Colt. There are few humans in the world who can equal Cooke’s penciling, in my opinion, but both the art and stories in this current run have been fun, light-hearted, and honestly a nice break from all the Super-Event nonsense I read every week. This issue is no different from the prior, Denny/ladies/bad situation/bumbling Dolan/classic Aragones wit. If you have not checked out this series or are curious about the character due to the impending film, this would be a great jumping off point, Spirit-Wise.

All-Star Superman # 12: The final issue has arrived of Grant Morrison’s Eisner award winning series and I, along with many fans, will have a gaping hole in their comic reading lives. The past year of this series has reminded people of what Superman CAN be and how great a character he really is, if handled properly (and with respect) and not tangled up in continuity nonsense. In this final issue, Clark’s impending death catches up with him, but not before giving the world one final gift. This comic transcends into the near sublime, and Frank Quitely’s art couldn’t be more dreamy or fitting. One of the better comic book series I have ever read, and one that I will miss looking forward to reading more of. A MUST-READ book.

MARVEL

Marvel Apes # 2: Who would’ve thunk it, ay? What a year ago sounded like a joke, and what 6 months ago sounded like trying to capitalize off the “Zombie” craze, turned out to be not only a worth-reading series, but a damn fine one. I am enjoying the hell out of Marvel Apes. Flat out. Who would have ever though Marty – aka  “The Gibbon”, a perennial D-lister – would become not only the star of his own “Blockbuster” series, but a damn fine hero and a really likable character at that. If at the end of this thing we don’t see more of the Gibbon in the MU, I will be surprised and disappointed. Read the book, I won’t spoil it. But it is NOT what you are thinking it is, and the twist that comes in issue 2 is so random, insane, brilliant, hilarious, and oh my f-ing word I can’t believe they did that, that it took me about five minutes to recover. Marvel, I know people give you flack for the “What-If” minis that make so much pretty pretty money, but if they are as half as enjoyable and fun as Zombies and Apes have been, I will buy every single one. With bells on. Bells with the Marvel logo on them.

Amazing Spider-Man # 572: So remember when we all gave up on this title right around the horror show that was “One More Day”? Well, some of us lied. Some of us continued to buy the now weekly series, and trudge through what seemed like a very downhill spiral in quality. Then about three or four issues back, something mind-blowing happened. So “One More Day”, the arc that followed, and the craptacular “Daughter of Kraven” arc came and went, and the series seemed to be stuck in a death-grip of mediocrity. Then we met Anti-Venom. What seemed at first by many to be a stunt move has turned out to be one of the most exciting and bad-ass storylines in comics today. I am 90’s mark, so be it. I love me some Eddie Brock. Venom (the og edition) has and will always be one of my favorite comic characters. When the Scorpion took over the symbiote reigns i lost interest a bit, but still enjoyed most if not all Venom appearances. Meanwhile, poor Eddie has been stuck on the sidelines. Not anymore folks. Eddie Brock is back, and as Anti-Venom, more twisted and intriguing then ever. Throw in a now fully crazy Norman Osborne, a subplot with Harry and the Thunderbolts to boor. Pick up the title now, lest it goes in the direction I think it’s heading and you will be sorry later. Also, last panel of the book? Shockingly good. I applauded. I am back on the web-wagon, and hope others will join me.

Ghost Rider # 27: Who knew this book would get good again? If you haven’t been following the series lately, we found out that Ghost Rider is not working for hell, but rather heaven, and that heaven are the bad guys. Yeah. My brain hurt, too. And that demon of the week story line sucked big time as well. So what could make this seemingly dismal book readable again? Two words, one wonderful meeting of Riders – Danny Ketch. Yup, the sophomore rider is back, and he and Johnny seem destined to be locked in an epic battle for the true mantle of “Spirit of Vengeance” (coming next issue). For a non MAX imprint, the gore and carnage level in this book has been really stepped up, satisfying horror buffs like myself. Ghost Rider is not a superhero, and should not be involved in superheroics. The writers finally seem to understand that as well as the fans do. Throw in a new Caretaker, and you have quite the fun issue of what is re-bounding into a pretty decent series.

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Unfortunately, the sun is going down and it’s time for me to put on my dancing shoes and hit the proverbial town (even though I’m not the violent type.) Tune in till next time for more mind blowing bloggitude.   And while you are out it, give a listen to the newest podcast to sweep the nation, BAGGED & BOARDED, starring yours truly and the world famous philanthropist Jesse Rivers.

As always kiddos – and now podcast appropriate,

“Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

–Matt Cohen is currently all podcasty.

Howdy Inter-Webbers. I’m Matt Cohen and I dig Improv Everywhere.

And I am far from the only one. In the past seven years, Improv Everywhere has quickly established itself as the preeminent group for pranking on a mass scale – and brilliant pranking, at that. When you hear the word “prank”, your mind may go straight to the much bemoaned Kutcher vehicle Punked. Your mind is lying to you. As Improv Everywhere – and in a larger part its founder and number one “agent” (The Improv Everywhere term for a team member), Charlie Todd – has proven, pranks can be so much more then juvenile stunts or embarrassing folks in public. They can be a sophisticated artform that not only is hilarious, but sometimes is damn right sublime.

Charlie not only runs Improv Everywhere (which has now spawned chapters in countries as varied as some European nations and even the strange mystical land known as Canada!) but also teaches Improv at the Upright Citizens Brigade Training Center in New York City and performs in weekly improv shows at the UCB NY.

Before we get into the good stuff, here is a selection of some of my favorite Improv Everywhere pranks. If you haven’t caught these before, sit back and enjoy. If you are already familiar with the stellar work of Improv Everywhere, you know what’s up. (Added note: some videos feature an interviewer/straight man. That is Mr. Charlie Todd)

My all-time fave is the U2 prank, “Better then the Real Thing”, which is mentioned in the interview. Definitely give it a click.

In Charlie’s own words, here is how Improv Everywhere got its start.

“In August of 2001, I went out to a West Village bar with my college buddies Brandon Arnold and Jon Karpinos. On a whim we decided to pull a prank where I would pose as musician Ben Folds. Three hours later, ‘Ben Folds’ was drinking on the house surrounded by women and his ‘two big fans’ were thrown out of the bar for ‘stealing Ben Folds’ wallet’. I had always been a prankster, but this experience enlightened me as to how far a prank could be taken. As an actor new to the city, I discovered I could create my own theatre rather than waiting around for someone to give me stage time. I got tired of telling the story to friends, so I typed it up and put it on the web. Improv Everywhere was born.”

I recently caught up with Charlie while he was doing some top secret work over in Russia (I told you this thing is global). After a few minutes of pleasantries and catch ups, we got down to the nitty. And here is said nitty. Enjoy.

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MATT COHEN: What were your comedy influences growing up?

CHARLIE TODD: Saturday Night Live was a big deal for me growing up. Starting at the age of about 10, I used to tape it every Saturday night (it was on past my bedtime) and watch it as soon as I woke up on Sunday morning. I discovered the show during the awesome late 80’s cast and fell in love. I was a big Seinfeld and Simpsons fan in high school, like pretty much every dude in America was.

MC: When was the first time you realized you were “funny”?

TODD:I was never a class clown but more of a straight-A student who did so well he could fly under the radar and get away with mischief every now and then. So I wasn’t the guy cracking jokes in class in 2nd grade, but I was subtly subverting authority behind the teacher’s back every chance I could. I guess that’s when I realized I was funny.

MC: Do you remember the first time you heard of/saw improv?

TODD: I went to see the University of South Carolina’s short form troupe, the We’re Not Your Mother Players. They used to play on Friday nights in my hometown. My older cousin took me and I was floored.

MC: How did you get started performing?

TODD: I had a “speech” class in middle school that was really just a drama class with a funny name. Maybe because it sounded more substantial to parents? The teacher exposed us to improv games and exercises, and I just loved it. I had performed in school plays in elementary school, but everyone had to. It was in this class that I realized how much I enjoyed it.

MC: When did you first get involved with the Upright Citizens Brigade, and what was your initial experience?

TODD: I had heard great things about the UCB from friends who had visited NYC before, so I checked out a show as soon as I moved here in 2001. I saw a Harold Night show with Respecto Montalbon and couldn’t believe how funny it was. As I walked home to the train that night I literally made a decision right then and there that comedy, specifically UCB-style comedy, was what I wanted to focus my entire life around.

MC: What, if any, are your views on longform vs. shortform?

TODD: I did short form in high school and college and had tons of fun. But once you get exposed to long form, you don’t want to go back. The freedom that long form gives you is just too much fun. Also, I’m not great at puns, rhymes, and one-liners, which many short form games are based on.

MC: You have taught improv to countless students at the Upright Citizens Brigade training center in New York City. In your experience, can “funny” be learned, and does one need to be funny to succeed at improv?

TODD: I think at UCB we give people the tools to do their best possible work. Certain people have a natural ability, where every thing out of their mouth is funny. I don’t. UCB taught me how to get laughs by being myself, playing real, and reacting to my scene partner. So yeah, I think we do teach people how to do successful and funny improv scenes. Often it’s the people who think they are funny that have the hardest time in class.

MC: Do you think there is such a thing as “going too far” in comedy? Any boundaries you won’t cross?

TODD: I don’t really think anything is off limits as long as it’s done in a smart way. I’m personally not offended by anything. Should someone make a joke about Bernie Mac the day after he died? Probably not, but if it was done in a smart, intelligent way and not just for shock value, then I see no problem with it.

MC: When did you realize that you wanted to perform/be involved with comedy for a career? What made you take the risk? And if you had not done so, what would you be doing today?

TODD: I moved to NYC to be an actor after college, so that was the first risk I took, and I guess it’s a pretty big one coming from the south. It was after seeing that first show at the UCB Theatre that I realized I specifically wanted to try to make a career for myself in comedy. I worked my ass off at shitty temp jobs and took classes at UCB as much as I possibly could. I made a decision to quit temping and really work on comedy full time in 2005, and that was probably the best decision I made. If I hadn’t done that, I guess I’d still be an unhappy temp.

MC: What is your proudest accomplishment with Improv Everywhere?

TODD: That’s tough to say. There are certain pranks I’m very proud of pulling off successfully. I’d say our U2 prank was a real high point, as was the Look Up More prank in the department store windows. Both of those were incredibly satisfying to pull off. I guess I’m most proud of the fact that it’s still around. That after 7 years we’re still doing what we love to do and providing an outlet for people to have fun.

MC: Improv Everywhere, with its growth in both size and notoriety, has run into some issues with legal matters and arrests regarding some of the pieces (most famously the No-Pants Subway Ride). Has this changed the way you approach performances, or put any creative restrictions on you at all?

TODD: We’ve been pretty lucky with the police. We did have a couple of run-ins, but it’s been two and half years since we’ve had any trouble. I always take the law into consideration when planning a mission, but I usually don’t worry too much about store policies or park regulations. Those rules are meant to be broken (so long as it’s in good fun and in a way that’s not disruptive or law-breaking).

MC: With an already tremendous presence and success on the internet, are there any plans to take Improv Everywhere to a different medium, possibly making it more accessible to “mainstream” viewers?

TODD: Yes. I’m writing a book right now with fellow agent Alex Scordelis. It’s being published by Harper Entertainment and should be released next spring. We’re super excited about it. The book is a behind-the-scenes account of our most popular pranks along with tips for how the reader can try their own.

MC: What is your ultimate goal, comedy wise?

TODD: My goal with comedy is to keep creating new things that make people laugh, and find a way to support myself while doing it. I’ve been pretty lucky so far, but there are so many unknowns in the entertainment industry – you always have to keep plugging away.

MC: Do you have any advice to someone trying to break into the comedy scene, whether it be as a performer or a writer?

TODD: Yup. Either move to New York or LA, and take a class at UCB. It’s the best decision I ever made.

MC: Anything you are currently working on we should know about?

TODD: Our big annual Mp3 Experiment project is happening in a few weeks. Details are on our site – this year we’ve found a sponsor that will let us tour it to 3 new cities – Chicago, San Francisco, and Toronto. It’s always a blast, and I’m really looking forward to taking it to new cities.

MC: And just so I don’t insult half my reading demographic, who is your favorite superhero… and why?

TODD: My favorite superhero is Banana Man, from the old Nickelodeon cartoons. I remember thinking he was not only badass, but also hilarious. Otherwise I’m not much of a superhero fan – I tend to nerd out with Picard and Sisko.

“Various Shirtless dudes agree, Improv Everywhere rocks.”

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If you haven’t already, check out Improv Everywhere to see what all the fuss is about. I think you will like what you find. And remember, the site is updated often so keep stopping back in for the newest Charlie Todd brand mayhem.

Sadly, tis all for this week but you know the deal… I’ll be back (in my best Arnie voice at that). Until that happy day friends, as always…

“Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

Matt Cohen is currently having a no-pants dinner… 2k8?

Howdy Inter-Webbers. I’m Matt Cohen, and I dig British comedies.

We don’t get the chance to see many here in the states, so when one rolls around I always seize the opportunity and give it a watch. 7 times out of ten, it’s something forgettable. But on that occasion I find a British Comedy I connect with, I embrace it full force. Right now, kids, Is one of those times. Son of Rambow rocks. Hardcore.

Shocking confession: I have never seen ANY of the Rambo films. I know… I’m a commie. Regardless, without having seen Sly in jungle action, I can still happily report that I am now a fan of the man’s son. And no, I don’t mean the dude from Daylight – I am referring to the wonderful and wonderfully quirky little British film Son of Rambow. Now I, like many others, unfortunately didn’t get a chance to see this movie in theaters, but thankfully we live in the age of DVD (I wish I could say Blu-Ray… Maybe next year) and ALL films can be given their chance to be seen by an audience. Many times, the films go unseen in theaters for good reason, but in the case of the movie I saw, it’s almost criminal more of us didn’t get to experience Rambow on a big screen.

So without further ado, let’s get into it troops.

The Good

The Kids: Suffice it to say, in a movie that is primarily a “children’s film” – and in which most of the main characters are, in fact, young kids – casting is possibly the most important aspect of the whole process. So much depends on the A) Believability and B) Likability of the child actors, something which has backfired on many a movie starring juvenile actors. Whoever was in charge of casting this flick obviously did their homework. The two lead roles of William and Lee Carter carry the film, and in a much larger part the performances of the young and very talented Bill Milner and Will Poulter, respectively. Both these kids not only become their characters, but they do a great job of furthering the tone and pace of the film, much through the – dare I say – brilliant line readings they deliver. Will is so damn weird, and cute, and heart wrenchingly sad, whereas Lee Carter is Dennis the Menace with a cocky accent and a taste of psychosis, and every move these two actors make help to sell those traits even more. I loved the opening scene of this film, but I think the moment I realized I was watching something sublime was when Will licks the Cat-Piggy Bank… for no reason whatsoever. At the end of the day, who doesn’t love a kid who keeps pine cones in his locker?  Some argue that child actors are just being kids on screen, but I disagree and think that there is a definite process and method to these performers, some better than others, and rarely as good as seen in this film. These are pretty damn nuanced roles, and I couldn’t help but stay impressed the entire film with Will and Lee, or rather Bill and Will. Freddy Highmore, move over, because both of these kids have a bright future ahead of them.

Supporting Cast: Though this is a very small film, in scope and story, that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for pretty great supporting performances, both on the adult and kid side of things. Jessica Hynes (Or Daisy from Spaced) plays Will’s tightly wound, ultra conservative and constantly on the brink of breakdown religious mother (What a sentence), and she does it in top form. It isn’t really a comedic role at all, and having only seen Jessica on Spaced (And for a few scenes of Shaun of the Dead) I had no idea she had the dramatic chops as well. She really plays this woman close the edge of sanity, always almost seemingly about to cry. Her third act change is organic due to the depth and weight Hynes brings to the part. Very good stuff. The other standout, in my humble opinion, is the “Coolest” kid in school, French exchange student and bad boy-rocker Didier, played with a really fun sense of self by Jules Sitruck. From his first on-screen appearance, we know this kid is “different” – but Sitruck never goes the “weird foreigner” route with Didier, rather playing him as a cool and ambivalent visiting rock star. Plus, his performance as “The Wolf” is maybe the funniest thing in a very funny movie. Expect big things (at least over-seas) from this dude very soon.

The Look: In what was billed as a comedy, I was expecting laughs, but could not believe how gorgeous and inventive the look of this film is. A lush palette that utilizes the natural beauty and greenery of the English countryside coupled with a whimsical production design that instantly reminds one of a Wes Anderson film (A high compliment in my book). That is not to say this is just a “straight” piece, either. One scene, definitely in my favorites, is a black and white nightmare/cartoon/dream sequence that involved tin can scarecrows and flying dogs, and needs to be seen to be believed. Kudos to director Garth Jennings and DP Jess Hall of really doing some remarkable work here. In fact, Jennings doesn’t deserve enough credit for his work on this movie. I am now a huge fan of the man and eagerly await his next work.

The Score: Shades of Pee-Wee can never be bad. This Scores kicks all kinds of “rear”. Heavy organ/circus-like vibes throughout and a rollicking tempo that keeps the movie flowing at a wonderful pace. Joby Talbot is channeling straight Elfman here, and it works so well for this movie. Though set in a real world, there are hints of fantasy and “un-reality” throughout, and the score goes hand in hand with what we see and feel onscreen. The perfect accompaniment to a damn near perfect movie.

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The Bad

*Crickets* I told you, I REALLY like this movie.

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Overall: One of the most fun, charming, and genuine films I have seen in a long while. This movie instantly gets bumped into my “Favorites” and that is due in a large part to two tremendous performances by two very small people. If you haven’t seen it, or weren’t planning to, I definitely recommend at least a rental. In a world of big budget action flicks and horror remakes, Son of Rambow stands out against the crowd. I wish, wish, wish this was a true story. I am ridiculous.

Sadly campers, that’s all for this week. But stay tuned for some very exciting (I can hardly breathe) content I’ll be bringing to you in the next month or so. Special Guests, Best of Lists, Interviews, and a much needed “State of the Union” address by yours truly. It’ll be real. And till then, as always,

“Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

–Matt Cohen is currently on his way to buy the Rambo box set.

Howdy Inter-Webbers. I’m Matt Cohen, and I dig Ben Stiller movies.

And I don’t (neccesarrily) mean movies starring Ben Stiller. I mean, sure, he’s usually quite funny in anything he’s in, but the level of greatness between, say, Zoolander and Night at the Museum is too great to be measurable. Yes, Stiller is always funny, but every so often, when he gets something to say about it, the man shines. Look at the now four films he has directed, each one a classic in their own right – Reality Bites, Cable Guy, Zoolander, and now his most triumphant effort to date, Tropic Thunder.

So, as you can guess, I like the movie… a lot. I fully expected to enjoy it, but even I couldn’t fathom just how hysterical this movie would be. And what is it, you may be asking, that makes this movie so damn funny? Well, strap in, sit down, and get ready for another Matt Cohen style review, because this baby’s about to get Tropical, yo!

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TROPIC THUNDER

THE GOOD: Almost everything. With the exception of the uber-brilliant Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Tropic Thunder is the funniest movie of the year. Not only does it pack on the gut-laughs, but there is a real movie in here, too, one with character arcs and set pieces and quite an ingenious script. Many make mention of how “Inside” the film is, but I really think it is accessible enough, so much so that someone in the midwest with no connection to the entertainment industry whatsoever (besides TMZ, of course) would not only get the film, but really enjoy it. Let’s break this sucka down, shall we?

The Cast

Ben Stiller: The ringleader of this band of merry men. Stiller in recent years has caught some flack from the “comedy-nerds” for choices, film wise. Many think he has sold out with family friendly fare and lending his voice to animated felines. Who was it that said, “Im not selling out; I’m buying in!”? Stiller seems to be a smart guy, and surely knows what he is doing with his own career. He’s the marquee funny-man now, and that’s fine. He is always likable. However, every once in a while, we get a glimpse of the Stiller we first fell for, the young, bright-eyed lunatic from the Ben Stiller Show. Tropic Thunder, and the role of Tug Speedman, is – fortunately – one of those times. Stiller, though out-shined by RDJ and Black, turns in a great performance, second only to the brilliant (and un-toppable) Derek Zoolander. It’s easy to overlook Stiller amid the zanyness going on, but without him, and the job he turns in, the film would A) Not Exist, and B) Not have that directorial charm that Stiller always exhibits. And that is Stiller’s biggest gift to the film – the directing. Many reviewers have noted that Stiller is a bit out of place as a falling action star (and eerily cut), but not so much as to be jarring to the viewer, in my not so humble opinion. After all, it is his film, and the Tugg character is the star and meatiest role, so I don’t fault him for taking the part. Stiller is as likable an funny in this film as any other, and though he has surrounded himself with IMMENSE talents, he still manages to make the viewer smile and laugh with every line delivered. Solid work from one of the more solid workhorses in comedy.

RDJ: I have been a fan of this man for years, but in the past 12 months he has quickly skyrocketed to the top of my list for Favorite All-Time Actors. Downey is on the biggest career roll of a lifetime, and it couldn’t happen to a more deserving man. I mean, hell, HE IS IRON MAN! It doesn’t get much bigger then that… or so I thought. RDJ’S Kirk Lazarus is not only one of the single most brilliant comedic performances OF ALL TIME, but its a mind-blowingly complex one to boot. Downey says it best himself in the film – “I’m the dude pretending to be a dude dressed up like another dude.” And we thought Adaptation was meta. When you first heard he would be donning black face, I’m sure you knew the potential for laughs, but OH MY, this thing goes further then I – or I think most people – would have thought it capable. Lazarus is at once so racist and yet so blissfully unaware, that all uncomfort goes immediately out the window and one can’t help but sit in awe and stare at not only of the most complete character performances in recent memory, but one of the most soul-shatteringly funny ones, as well. What makes the role all the more perfect is the fact that Lazarus is a pretty close mirror of the RDJ of the early to late 90’s. When an actor – and a serious one, at that – can find the sense of humor and guts to lampoon themselves, the potential for greatness gets upped twofold. Lazarus doesn’t MAKE the movie, but it wouldn’t be half the film it is without him, or the insane brilliance of RDJ.

Jack Black: My favorite Jables performance since School of Rock, and quite possibly the most “character” driven work he has done to date. Though Portnoy may be over the top and pretty ridiculous, there are moments of real pathos in there, especially the scene in which he volunteers to be tied to a tree. Jack can always seem to channel a boundless amount of energy on screen, but I think his real crowning achievement here is relaying a sense of anger – something we rarely, if ever, have seen from the Panda man. Without spoiling a major plot line, Black’s character in this film is not the happy go lucky funny man the trailers make him out to be. In fact, he may be the only genuinely “tragic” character in the flick, one that kinda bummed me out at certain moments (in an effective way). Maybe the first time he hasn’t really played himself in a film. Great character, great performance, and some amazing line delivery. Jables holds his own with the big boys.

Ensemble: There is almost TOO much great supporting work done here to go into each into detail. Needless to say, everyone in this film is at the top of their game in the laughs department. Standouts are as follows…. New favorite Danny McBride who gives us another variation on the same wacky theme with his work here as the films pyrotechnics expert. Knocked Up‘s Jay Baruchel plays the “Squadron’s” rookie actor, the only member of the ensemble who is grounded in reality, and is very much the straight man. To his credit, he comes across extremely likable. Other greats are Nick Nolte, Matthew McConaughey, the always funny Bill Hader, and relative newcomer Brandon T. Davis as Alpa Chino, a part that needs to be seen to be believed. By now I’m sure you have heard about Tom Cruise’s involvement in the film – And it is too brilliant to spoil at all. See it… Career-redeeming work here folks.

The Plotting: Writers Ben Stiller, Etan Cohen, and Justin Theroux have done really amazing work here. First off, the opening scene sets such a reality (or false reality) that when the comedy does hit, or trickles in, it’s almost unexpected. We buy this world, the character’s places in it, and this is all due to the tremendous job the writers have done in not making this the parody that it so easily could have been. This is a REAL movie with REAL moments in it, despite the tons of hilarious laughs that occur throughout the entire film. Even the logic, which many times in comedies gets overlooked for chuckles, is foolproof here, with each “acting” moment feeding directly into the baddies appropriate response. This isn’t forced conflict or exposition heavy writing, it’s as organic as can be, and it completely reinforcing of not only the concept but the atmosphere Stiller sets as a director. A+ work all around. Can’t wait to see what insanity these boys cook up next.

The Action: Again, a testament to Stiller’s work, and the DP John Toll’s as well – this silly little comedy feels and looks exactly like the huge budget war epic it’s supposed to portray. Specifically, the line of brutality this film meets, crosses over, and never looks back at. There are moments in this film so gory, so gruesome, and blaringly realistic that shock is an understatement for how the viewer responds. My jaw dropped on multiple occasions, both due to the comedy and onscreen violence, both usually intermingled. This is not a spoof or a parody, my friends – this is a war/action flick that just happens to be one of the funniest movies in recent memory. Awesome stuff.

THE NOT SO GOOD: Honestly, besides a few jokes failing here and there and one outlandish moment involving a TIVO, the movie is pretty damn flawless – and by that, I don’t mean a perfect film, rather it is exactly what it needs to be… Near two hours of solid laughs.

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THE BOTTOM LINE: See it, buy it on DVD,and memorize all the lines, cause we have a bonafide classic-in-the-making on our hands here, kids.

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So you see, friends and neighbors – War isn’t always hell. Sometimes it’s really funny. Tune it in next week when I check out what the end of August has to offer us funny book wise. I can promise smiles… and baked goods.

Also, if you feel up to it, take a gander at my new personal blog TALES OF ADVENTURE, for the capital of ADHD on the web (and updated about 20 times daily). I promise… stuff. And, as always,

“Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

–Matt Cohen is currently a single lotus blossom swimming in a sea of tranquility.

Howdy Inter-Webbers. I’m Matt Cohen, and I dig consistency (hah!).

With that in mind, “Comics & Comics” has taken a bit of an “op-ed” feel to it this summer, and though I have been enjoying writing those pieces (as I hope you enjoy reading then), I dont want to neglect what is one of the focuses of this column – To tell you which comics to spend your hard-earned (or ill-gotten… I don’t know how you roll) funny-bucks on.

And hence, the weekly standout guide is back… And what a week to stand out in! So strap on your reading moccasins and don your funny book fez’s (cause I know that’s how the kids read comics these days) and prepare for the week that is/was and forever will be (Spooky, I know)…

Hit it.

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MARVEL

Punisher Max #50: Goodbye Garth… It was an amazing run while is lasted. With this week’s release of Punisher Max # 50, we also mark the exit of the series writer (and one of the better comic book writers of the last few decades), Garth Ennis. How can one issue sum up years of fantastic writing and the best characterization of Frank Castle ever, in my opinion? With the same style, biting wit, and mind-numbingly awesome action as the rest of his seminal work. Anyone who has read Preacher knows Garth can bring the gloom and doom, but what I really think will be the lasting testament of his run on Punisher is Garth’s ability to ground and humanize Frank, who is basically a single-minded killing machine. We know Frank. We understand him. We don’t necessarily sympathize or root for him, but he is a real person – something which strikes pretty different when compared to the classic Punisher War Journal books and the concept of Frank as death incarnate. This issue goes further into Frank’s history than we’ve been in a while, and is a fitting and appropriate finish to one of the better runs in comic book history. I may be dropping this book next month, but I will always remember the good times. (Tear, tear)

Astonishing X-Men V.3 #26: With the exit of Joss Whedon as writer, many fans wondered if their favorite X-series would drop off quality wise, with the change to new helmer Warren Ellis. After reading the first issue in the arc, I can say that though it isn’t quite the book it was when Whedon was writing, Astonishing X-Men is still a great read, and probably the best X-book around today. This arc finds the team knee deep in a new conflict, as Xavier’s kids are facing off against an unknown foe, someone who is genetically engineering mutant/mutant hunters. Scott and team head out to Chaparanga, the spaceship graveyard, to see if they can’t locate the source of all their current problems. What they find there will take the combined forces of all the X-Men (including re-recruit and current queen of Wakanda, Storm) to defeat. Nothing groundbreaking, but a solid enough introduction to Ellis’s arc, and one that doesn’t make the reader suffer from Whedon-less drop off (too badly). Not quite the magic Whedon was weaving but still a very readable, entertaining book and one that will continue to stand out as the best X-Comic currently offered.

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DC

Final Crisis Revelations #1: Wow. I have no idea where this mini came from, or why we even need to it, but #1 is one of the more dark, adult, and frankly shocking comics I have read from any of the mainstream companies in a long time, and one of the better ones. Starting with an attempted rape by everyone’s least favorite villain, Dr. Light, Crisis Revelations takes the DC event to the more primal of levels. How does the embodiment of death deal with the Libra, the new baddie on the team? Crispus Allen, the current human shell for the Spectre, is faced with that very question. With a supporting B-line starring the new Question, Renee Montoya, and with some truly disturbing imagery and content, this is now the mini I most look forward to continuing. I’m not sure if this lies in current continuity or not, but if it does then all I can say is Dr. Light has definitely met a deserving reward for his actions as of late. This is as hardcore as a main label DC book will get, and I for one am definitely along for the ride. (One nitpick/spoiler alert…. avert your eyes. Ahem, NO WAY Dr. Light ever gets Starfire, Raven, AND Donna Troy incapacitated and trembling in fear. Just won’t happen. But a great plot device none the less.)

Batman #679: Part four of RIP is a bit confusing, but still a very fun and pretty insane book. I’m gonna be honest and admit it’s a bit tough to follow, but I find myself enjoying the individual moments more then the whole, which in this case isn’t necessarily a bad thing. With stunning artwork from Tony Daniel, Morrison’s Bat run has not hit a lull yet – It continues to be one of the stronger super series Also, how could you not buy a book that features Bat-Mite? It’s Bat-Mite!!! He’s tiny!!! C’mon!!! I am intrigued by the concept of a Batman with no trace of Bruce Wayne, and Morrison delivers a character that is both psychologically menacing and yet manages to keep true to the man in the cowl we all know and love. I don’t know if Bruce Wayne is really losing his mind, but I’ll take it if it means we get more books like this – more crazy, violent, dark as hell Batman books. Really great arc, and the finale promises to not disappoint either. Check-check-check it out.

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INDIE

Hellboy: The Crooked Man #2: Or, “Albinos Unleashed”. Mignola and guest artist Richard Corben are back with the second part of the newest Hellboy mini, and things are getting pretty damn crazy. Set in the backwoods of American Appalachia, this series finds big red on the hunt for the mythical Melungeon Witches (For history buffs, Mulungeon is a real sub “race” of Appalachians, with such famous Melungeons as Elvis Presely and Ava Garner) , with some help from a local who may have more involvement in the deaths occuring than first let on. I really like the vibe of this book, and though it’s darker fare, it’s told in a very light hearted way. I enjoy these random Hellboy tales almost as much as I enjoy it when we get a book in continuity, and Richard Corben’s art is a great compliment to the very folk-taley story that he and Migonla have hatched for everybody’s favorite beer drinker from hell. I would definitely recommend this to any fan of Hellboy – though if you are a HB fan, you probably already A) Own the issue and B) Love it.

Everybody’s Dead # 5: The final issue of Brian Lynch and penciler Dave Crossland’s Frat House Zombie epic has arrived and I can happily say that it kicks all kinds of reanimated ass. This has been one of my favorite minis from any company in a long time, and the finale brings just as many belly laughs and badass zombie busting moments as the four issues that proceeded it. We all know Brian Lynch can bring the funny, but what he also manages to do this time around is create a character that I personally will add to my geek lexicon of heroes; Of course, I refer to Westerberg. Imagine a pot smoking Egon mixed with a cynical college student and you’ve got my favorite character in the series, and one I will definitely miss not reading the ongoing exploits of (IDW… Ongoing?). This series really does feel like a film (and if you know the book’s history you may understand why) and this last issue is that sort of cinematic “grand finale” that we see time and time again in theaters, taking the book out on a rock and roll high and leaving the reader wanting a lot more. And I do want a lot more. If there is any justice in the world, this will not be the last time we get to see the boys of Phi Beta Eta taking names and getting their collective “hang on”. If you missed the first issues, definitely pick up the trade when it is released. One of the more unique and memorable series I have read in a long while. Also – gun bong. Oscar… Worthy (or, at the very least, Eisner).

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Wasn’t that fun? Well, forget you… I enjoyed myself. Check back next week for a review of the new comedy blockbuster Tropic Thunder starring Derrick Zoolander, Jables, and Tony Stark (odd casting choices). Be forewarned, though… It might get messy. MESSY GOOD! So keep it here, kids, and while you are around, check out the other great Quick Stop brand content that the site has to offer. And, as always,

“Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

–Matt Cohen is currently watching 12 hours of olympic coverage a day. His response… “I could do that”

Howdy Inter-Webbers. I’m Matt Cohen, and I dig pot comedies.

Without getting into too much personal information, I am kinda the target audience for these things. I grew up on a steady stream of Cheech and Chong, Dazed and Confused and Half Baked. I consider myself a fairly discerning judge on what makes a successful stoner comedy and, as of late, have been a bit disheartened at the industry’s seeming disinterest in the genre as a whole. Blame it on the conservative tide that sweeps the nation, blame it on fundamental ideals or hell, blame it on moviegoing tastes, but the last decade or so has been pretty light on good old fashioned pot comedies.

That is one of the reasons I was so excited for the release of Pineapple Express, starring Seth Rogen and James Franco – the film many (including myself) thought may be the return to the classic stoner comedies we all know and love. Unfortunately, though it’s funny, it is far from A) The new classic stoner movie, or B) that good a movie in general. Yes, there are intermittent laughs throughout, but the overall movie just comes off as kind of awkward and sloppy, like it’s seven different movies forced into one. James Franco’s pot dealer Saul, however, takes this movie from the realm of “skip it” to the side of giving it a try. You are not going to want your money back, but I certainly can’t see anyone claiming this as the funniest film of the summer. Pineapple Express may be too different for its own good, which coming from me is near shocking to hear. But before I go giving a recommendation, let’s get into some more specific thoughts, shall we kids?

And, as always, I’m lazy, you’re lazy… Bullet List time!

Pineapple Express

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Good Vibes:

James Franco: The funniest and possibly most redeeming factor of the entire film. I’ve never seen Freaks and Geeks, so my only exposure to Franco here-to-fore has been as Harry Osborn in the Spider-Man flicks, and while he hasn’t been horrible, his performance in those had not impressed me in the least. And then I met Saul. Franco’s character in Pineapple Express is easily one of the best on-screen stoners of all time and one of the most complete performances I’ve seen in a while. No, this isn’t high drama, but the amount of dedication and fine-tuned nuance to Saul in the movie is pretty damn astounding. Franco is gone the moment this film starts and Saul exists as a wholly new person. I caught no glimpses of Harry Osborne here, and though my lack of Franco- viewings may be coloring my judgement, Franco COMPLETELY descends into the character here. Saul, for all purposes, is a real person. A real funny one, at that. His reaction times, his facial quirks – this is kind of a tour-de force of a performance, if you ask me, and one that elevates a mildly funny film into something watchable, if only for the work that Franco turns in. People who have seen the film are saying it lacks a likable character, but c’mon… How could you not like a guy that quotes 227 ? And just so I don’t forget, Seth Rogen is Seth Rogen in this film – He’s fine, if not good. But he is definitely overshadowed by the performance of James Franco.

The Look: With all said and done, David Gordon Green (with help from DP Tim Orr) has delivered the best looking Apatow film to date. Pineapple Express is chock full of gorgeous wide shots, something you rarely if ever see in a mainstream comedy. The entire look has a slightly washed out/70’s feel to it, which is definitely abetted by the odd, if not vibrant, color palette of the film. There are a few shots in particular that really made me sit back and take notice (the weed sale/dance off is a beautiful freaking shot), zoning out on the comedy and into the visuals, something which doesn’t necessarily help the overall enjoyment of the film. In fact, many times the shot overshadows the context on the screen, but that is more a fault of the writers (Rogen and Evan Goldberg) than it is the filmmakers.

Danny McBride: Though I have basically been told I MUST be a fan of this man’s work, I am. I find him ridiculously funny. I really enjoyed Foot Fist Way, and there is more of the same quality laughs here in Pineapple Express. His character, Red, starts out so unlikable, and has such a turn of face, that by the last scene of the movie he was my favorite by far. There is such an innocence and simplicity to McBride’s performance, and it’s ’cause of that that Red, though unsavory in some aspects of his personality, is so damn appealing by the finale. The last scene of the film may be my favorite, and that’s because it’s really the first time McBride, Rogen, and Franco get to be flat out funny, with no pretenses of plot or deeper matter. And it’s in that scene that I think McBride certainly steals the conversation and almost the whole movie. It’s sad to say, but I kinda now wish the two leads of this film were Mcbride and Franco. I am a gigantic fan of Rogen, but in this film his Dale is just to boring and flat out dicky to be anyone I would root for or care about. Red, on the other hand, I would want to see in a spin off. McBride is definitely a comedian to look out for, and his work in Pineapple Express further cements that claim.

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Bad Trips:

The Action: Scattershot. Look, I wasn’t expecting director David Gordon Green to shoot a fight scene like John Woo, but the camera placement and editing of the action pieces in Pineapple Express is so basic and barebones that I can’t even remember one that particularly stood out as “Fun”. The gunfights are extremely sloppy – and it may just be me, but actual sound effects on the guns sounded like air pistols. I was all for the concept of genre melding, but when you don’t treat the respective genres with the respect they deserve, you wind up with half a film that just doesn’t fit with the rest. Unfortunately, that is the case with Pineapple Express.

The Violence: If you were to look at my DVD collection, you might be afraid as to the makeup of my mind, but fear not – though I like really dark movies, I’m a fairly happy dude. That being said, I do like violence in movies. Gratuitous, even. And that is why I am so surprised at my utter dismissal of the violent aspects of Pineapple Express. Early viewers said that the “gore” took them out of the film and made them uncomfortable. I don’t feel the same way. Rather, the random violence in the movie frustrated me more then anything else. “Why?” is the question I found myself constantly asking. I like ultra-violent movies, WHEN THEY CALL FOR IT, but Pineapple Express did not need to go anywhere near the levels it did to shock and gross out the viewers. Partially removed, bloody ears do not belong in this movie. If the violence was justified, or even handled with some weight, it would have made a world of difference – rather, you have a character who gets shot seven times and doesn’t flinch. How are we supposed to feel when someone else gets shot? One person is bulletproof and the next dies without a fight? Half the violence is meant to be met with laughter, the other half shock? It doesn’t work. Comedy, though a lighter art form, still needs logic to make it work. And there is no logical reason for 90 percent of the violence in Pineapple Express. Titillation for the sake of titillation. Not cool.

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The End of the Joint: Overall, it has its enjoyable moments, but it is far from the laugh fest it looked to be. There are some great one liners scattered throughout, but the stretches in between may make waiting for the good’uns a tiring task. Its major undoing are its various unfitting tones – the one thing that initially drew me to the film. What could have been unique and “hip” winds up boring and random. A definite DVD purchase, if only for repeat viewings of Franco’s performance, but other then that a pretty forgettable movie.

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So, if Pineapple Express didn’t quite hold up, what is a great pot comedy you may ask? Well, funny you should ask… Take a gander below!

Top 4 Stoner Comedies (Would’ve been 5, but I like… forgot one?)

1. Cheech and Chong’s Up in Smoke: The first, the best, the king. There is a reason that Cheech and Chong are the two most famous stoners of all time, and this film is where most of the world first discovered them. One of the most memorable and quotable comedies of all time. Silly, nonsensical, and whacked out; The gold standard for everything a good pot comedy should be. The undisputed champ for now and eternity. Bow down at the altar of this movie (and leave a doobie before you go.

2. Half Baked: My generation’s Up In Smoke. I’ll be honest, I saw this movie years before I ever saw marijuana, and I loved it anyway. The rare stoner flick that transcends enough to crack up the general “Square” public. This flick is so ingrained in my mind, that when thinking of weed one of the first images to pop in my head has to be the smiling visages of Chappelle, Breur, and crew. Though some say it hasn’t aged so gracefully, I defy them to throw on the DVD and not laugh for 90 minutes straight. This is what every stoner flick should aspire to be. (None can or should dare try to replicate Cheech and Chong. It’s not an option)

3. How High: The “Urban” entry into our list. Method Man and Red Man both have proven themselves as great rappers, but I really think they shine in this, their feature film, and one of my all-time favorite stoner comedies. It’s so damn irreverent and weird, and yet light hearted at the same time. This flick is definitely the least like its brethren, but that works for its favor. I don’t think this movie gets the respect it deserves – and after what must be 100 viewings, I can tell you it certainly holds up. If you haven’t seen it, give it a chance… I’m a big fan.

4. Harold and Kumar go to White Castle: The sneak attack. I remember about 3 minutes into this movie, thinking to myself; “Wait a minute… This is a pure pot comedy!”. Though it is not the most high brow of fare, Harold and Kumar is one of the more bizarre and ridiculous stoner comedies to come out in some time. And… It’s awesome. This, if any film in recent years, is the closest movies have come to the old days of just flat out “High-Jinx”. The cheetah, N-P-H, the weed-love scene – all go down in history in the top pot moments on film. From the opening line to the last scene, the closest we’ve had to a classic stoner flick in many years. The sequel, not so much… but that’s a whole other review.

Stoner-Friendly Runner Ups: Dazed and Confused, Mallrats, Grandma’s Boy, The Big Lebowski, Clueless, ANY ANIME EVER MADE.

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Well, like, dudes.. Umm. That’s it for this week. Like, totally check back next for like my review or whatever on comi—comics… Wait.. Oh yeah, Comic-Con. It’ll be heavy. And, as always,

“Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

–Matt Cohen swears he is currently not researching the next great pot comedy. For real…

Howdy Inter-Webbers. I’m Matt Cohen, and I dig villains.

Sure, I enjoy the occasional hero now and again, but since an early age I can remember enjoying – if not empathizing – with Comic Book super villains. There is something so infectiously addictive about reading the exploits of men and women (and other creatures… I mean, we are talking comics here, folks) who have zero shame, zero pretenses, and zero morals. When a character is not tethered by worries and fears, when they are a being of pure purpose and driven to that goal, there is some level of primal thinking in all of us that goes, “I wish I could do that.” Not necessarily committing crimes and taking over the world, but rather the attraction to living a free and guiltless life. It seems, well… Fun.

But, shockingly enough, no mainstream comic company has ever dedicated an ongoing series to a supervillain. Sure, there are some exceptions and slight distinctions (Thunderbolts), but for the most part baddies are relegated to supporting appearances and one shots.

Not anymore, they’re not.

With the help of the world famous Jesse Rivers, I have put together a list of books coming out this year (IN OUR IMAGINATIONS… fun ) that showcase the badguy in all of us (and, more specifically, in the Marvel and DC universes)

And so, without futher ado, Jesse and I present you with our slate of upcoming series, all starring those we love to hate… Supervillians!

Reading glasses, kids.

Born on a Monday:

Starring: Solomon Grundy

Premise: How would you feel if you knew you couldn’t die? Happy – nay, thrilled, one might think. One hasn’t met Solomon Grundy, then. Set in the backwoods and marshy bayous of southern Louisiana, BORN ON A MONDAY gives us a closer glance at the man who can’t die. Grundy doesn’t want fame, he doesn’t want money, and he surely doesn’t want power. As a man who can’t die, he simply wants what he can’t have – Peace. Set to the gorgeous and somber pencils of Mike Mignola, this will be a modern fairy tale that leans heavily on the tragic side. You won’t want to miss it.

Artist: Mike Mignola

The Lizard:

Starring: Dr. Curt Conners

Premise: Jeckyl and who? For years, one of the most compelling figures in comicdom has been the heart wrenching tale of Dr. Curt Conners, the man who would be the Lizard. A simple man who fooled with things beyond his understanding and wound up paying the ultimate cost. By day a conflicted and brilliant scientist searching for a cure to his madness – By night, a bloodthirsty monster bent only on carnage and destruction. Told in a sprawling, traveling type tale, The Lizard finds Dr. Conners on the run across the backwoods of America, from the authorities, the superhero community, and worst of all – Himself. Can Curt find a cure before the monster overshadows the man?

Artist: Bernie Wrightson

Hellfire Club:

Starring: Sebastian Shaw, Donald Pierce, Harry Leland, Mystique

Premise: The most powerful, the wealthiest, the most influential private club in the world has seen better days. Sebastian Shaw resides over the remnants of what once the most cunning and threatening force in the mutant universe. His queens are dead or in prison. His rooks decimated. He and three men are all that remain. All the money and social/political ties in the world can’t bring the once glorious club out of its slump. It seems all hope is lost for the storied Hellfire Club. That is, until a new queen comes into town. Black? White? More like blue. That’s right, Mystique is now the leader of Hellfire, and you all know the saying… Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Artist: Jim Lee

Latveria:

Starring: Dr. Doom

Premise: We’ve seen plenty of books about Victor Von Doom, arguably the greatest supervillan in Marvel Comics history. Plenty of them. What we never see are books about the lives Doom affects on a daily basis. A lot of people forget, but besides from being an ego-maniacal supervillian bent on conquering earth, Doom is also the leader of a nation. And that nation is made up of many interesting and diverse characters who both worship and revile their glorious leader. LATVERIA is simply that, a look at the small landlocked European nation from the top to the bottom, from Victor Von Doom himself to the lowliest serf who lives in his mighty shadow. Take a peek behind the iron curtain. You might be very surprised what you find.

Artist: Alex Ross

The Axis:

Starring: Red Skull, M.O.D.O.K, Sin, Crossbones, Arnim Zola, Baron Zemo, Batroc the Leaper

Premise: With the death of Steve Rogers, the members of his rogues gallery faced a dire dilemma. What do the world’s most hell-bent villains do when they have accomplished their one and only goal? Sell their services to the highest bidder, of course. A villainous “Heroes for Hire“, each issue will find the Axis trying to bump of a villain’s caped archenemy (for a hefty fee). Had enough with your respective foe? Just give the Axis a call. And let’s face it… They killed Cap. Does anyone else really stand a chance? (Guest starring everyone’s favorite Frenchie, Batroc the Leaper, as the Axis’s “neutral” contact on the outside world.)

Artist: Jack Kirby

Taskmaster:

Starring: Taskmaster

Premise: The Anti-Booster Gold. Taskmaster, the deformed and devious (and yet freakin’ hilarious) villain, has decided that he is too much man for one time period. With the help of a stolen time travel device (Dr. Ivo really should lock his doors at night) and a laundry list of targets, Task travels through time gathering powers and fighting techniques (and causing all sorts of mayhem) from famous heroes and infamous villains alike. Where is Task headed? Only to some of the most beloved and well known stories in comic book history! When Gwen Stacy got thrown off the bridge, Task was there. When the Beyonder decided it was time to hold a Secret War, Task was there. When Jean Grey bit the dust (both times), Task was there. In fact, Taskmaster is damn near everywhere. The question is… Will you be?

Artist: Joe Madureira

Mad Love:

Starring: Joker and Harley Quinn

Premise: What happens when you mix a sociopathic clown, his longtime girlfriend, a stolen red convertible, and the open road? You’ve got the premise for the delightfully twisted new love story “MAD LOVE“. Joker and Harley Quinn take off from Gotham with only their sick minds to guide them, and there is no telling what these two lovestruck psychos will get into. WIth dazzling artwork by comic great Darwyn Cooke, this book is sure to please even the most jaded fans. Romance has never been so damned complicated.

Artist: Darwyn Cooke

Arkham:

Starring: Vandal Savage, Mr. Zsasz, Weather Wizard, Dr. Light, Calendar Man and Gorilla Grodd

Premise: PRISON BREAK with powers. Five men (and one ape) decide they have had enough of being incarcerated in Gotham’s most notorious “Looney Bin” and hatch a plan to escape. Only problem? Let’s face it – If there was only one problem, they’d be out by now. Join us each issue as we continue the episodic saga of six villains who only want their freedom… or are there other motives behind the breakout? With more twists then a roller coaster, be sure to tune into what will become the gold standard for serial sagas.

Artist: Dave Gibbons

The Wonderfully Woeful Misadventures of Mr. Mind:

Starring: Mr. Mind

Premise: The evilest kids book around! Told in the style of a Dr. Seuss story, each issue follows Mr. Mind on his quest to destroy earth and enslave all humanity. He’s so cute! Marvel as Mr. Mind ravages alien planets. Amaze as he conquers lost civilizations. Drop your jaw as he shops for those tiny spectacles he is so fond of wearing. And remember – “Death, destruction, all at one time – Just come along with Mr. Mind!!!”

Artist: Jeff Smith

Hatter:

Starring: The Mad Hatter

Premise: After years of being viewed as a joke, as a gimmicky c-lister obsessed with hats and frankly out of his mind, Jervis Titch has had a revelation. He is not mad, rather it’s the world that lacks sanity. In a fit of eerie calm, he burns all his hats save one. We all know Jervis has dabbled in mind control on the past, but what happens when one can control one’s own mind? And what if that mind is a jumbled mess of psychosis and paranoia? The Hatter is not so mad anymore… no, he’s the mellowest he could ever be. And he has a mission. To cure the world of its inherent insanity. His method? One murder at a time… A shocking and graphic relaunching that will propel an oft laughed at buffoon into one of the most dangerous and evil villains comic books has ever seen. Be there… If you can stand the madness.

Artist: Matt Cohen

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If only the above were true folks… If only. We’re working on it. Like what we came up with? Hate it? Leave a comment in the message section and be heard from the herd.

Tune in next week for a look at the new film STEPBROTHERS. I promise, there will be fun had.

And as always kids,

“Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

–Matt Cohen is currently wondering why he doesn’t write comics for a living.

–Jesse Rivers is currently wondering why he is billed under Matt Cohen

Howdy Inter-Webbers, I’m Matt Cohen and I dig WATCHMEN.

Oh, do I dig WATCHMEN. Besides Hellboy of course, WATCHMEN is my single favorite comic book of all time. I remember reading it when I was 16 years old and being completely and utterly blown away by its level of reality, and depth and respect for the reader. Alan Moore is arguably the greatest comic book writer of all time, and WATCHMEN is his masterpiece. It single handedly reinvented what comics could be, and how fans perceived them (including lil’ old your’s truly). Since the mid eighties there have been various attempts to adapt the twelve comic books into a feature length film, and all had sadly failed. Comic book films in general were hard sells, and one based on a comic book that was read by very few people and contained no iconic characters? Not a chance. And it stayed that way for many years, until a movie by the name of 300 came out; and with it, its director/wunderkind Zack Snyder. The success of that film, both monetary and critical (shrugs), has led to something amazing and unexpected, even – A genuine big budget studio WATCHMEN film. The most anti-superhero of all superhero books, and probably the toughest sell of all. And geek cups (probably those Taco-Bell/Star Wars ones) runneth over. That news broke over a year ago, and though we’ve gotten slight (and I mean slight) glimpses and glimmers of the production, the first real watershed of goodness broke yesterday… and boy did It break.

So without further ado, let’s take a look at the brand new, first ever WATCHMEN trailer. And I promise I’ll do my best to contain myself.

Let me get this out of the way. I really enjoyed Snyder’s first feature, the DAWN OF THE DEAD remake; but absolutely HATED 300. In my opinion it’s not a movie, rather a 90 minute music video/commercial/screensaver. More style over substance then I’ve ever seen in my entire life (except GERRY – and if you know what I mean, I feel sorry for you). So, in my opinion, Synder was 1-1. Basically tied. He had one more chance to win me over to his side before he lost me forever. And what a chance – an adaptation of one of my all time favorite works of art! This was make or break time (’cause I’m sure he was super concerned about my opinion of him). And with my first reaction to the trailer, I have only one thing to say…

Thank… you… dude.

It looks absolutely PERFECT, in my opinion. Every character nailed (with one exception, which I’ll get into in a bit), the look and feel of the city down to a “T” and the effects and costume design are as impressive as I could have ever hoped. We may have a genuine WATCHMEN flick on our hands here, kiddos. Lets break this boogie down. I’m gonna attempt to give two views here, one of the uber-fan I am, and one of a non-fan – someone not initiated into the world of WATCHMEN. Also, the casting, the direction, all that will present itself in due time. For now, I am reacting purely to the imagery.

NON FAN RESPONSE: It’s a solid trailer, though nothing exceptional. It gives absolutely nothing away of the plot and I have no idea what this movie could possibly be about, save a crazy blue floating guy with superpowers and a bunch of scrubby looking b-listers running around a city I’ve never seen before. It obviously has a fan base, being proclaimed “Based on the most celebrated graphic novel of all time” so I’m sure it’ll be good. That owl guy looks a lot like BATMAN. Wait a minute… I like BATMAN! Speaking of BATMAN isn’t that the SMASHING PUMPKINS song used in BATMAN and ROBIN? That movie was awful… Now I’m conflicted. But 300 was visually crazy so at least you know this movie will look great. I’m so confused right now. A new superhero movie about superheroes I’ve never heard of. My head hurts. The effects look cool though, especially that blue magical dude from ALMOST FAMOUS. And that guy with the ink blot mask seems pretty bad ass. Hmmm. I think I do want to see this movie. Maybe I should buy the book its based on.

*Slams door-enters car-heads to LCS-buys trade-goes home-opens book-blows mind.

SPOILER ZONE: If you haven’t read the WATCHMEN comics yet DO NOT read my reaction to the trailer, as I will be discussing specific moments from the plot of the story/film.

MY RESPONSE: Hold on one moment… Lemme dry the tears. Okay. Better now.

OH MY F’ING GOD THEY MADE A WATCHMEN MOVIE!!! My body broke out in goosebumps the second I saw Osterman/Cruddup on screen. I love how the trailer just starts with that cold opening. No warning, no prologue, just the creation of the world’s most powerful superhero. I’ve seen this trailer about fourty times now so I’d like to go through it clip by clip If I may.

1. Dr. John Osterman becomes Dr. Manhattan: This could have gone so wrong. We’ve all seen cheesy and unrealistic transformation scenes in comic book movies before (I’m not gonna drop names, but you know which ones I mean). It is a strong statement to start the trailer off with what is one of the more technologically complex effects shots from the movie, in a world filled with brilliant cgi and big budget blockbusters. How does this effect match up to others of its ilk? Wow… Wow, wow and more wow. I gotta take my hat of to Snyder, who has appeared to have blended his signature 300 hyper-stylized look with one of more traditional “Superhero” CGI, and the result is something that is so stunningly gorgeous and yet hauntingly sad at the same time. In fact, there are so many images from this trailer that I would love to take stills of and have blown up into posters. This is art, at its highest form (much like the comic book it is based on). We get no awful face melting, no hacknied body shakes, the transformation is instantaneous and carries the emotional weight of a fork lift. What a way to start this trailer off, and further, to start our ride down the road that leads to WATCHMEN. And the slight glance at his watch… Yeah.

2. Archie flying out of the water: A perfect adaptation of Nite-Owl’s vehicle. The size is exact, the coloring just as it should be. I love the feeling of speed this shot conveys. Also, that skyline is unbelievable. Archie fits right into this world. Nothign too flashy, nothing too sleek, but it does the job it’s meant to do. Kinda like Nite-Owl 2 (Dan) himself.

3. Silk Spectre crashes down: Booom! And with that millions of fanboys drooled the world over. It couldn’t get better then that, could it? See number 9

4. Nite-Owl 2 in Action: I’ve heard some fans criticize the costume design for Dan in this film, but I think it is exactly how it should look. Semi-Home made, not worn in years, and anything but boisterous or loud. Yes, it rings a little Batmannish, but if you know the history of the book then that makes sense as well. I dig it. The textures, the color… Very good.

5. Bye-Bye Comedian: A glimpse at the moment that (in a way) starts it all. Good job of the editor to keep the uninitiated confused. The sequencing makes it look like Nite- Owl from the previous shot is the one to kick Blake through the window. This film is a mystery. Let’s try our hardest to keep newbies from having the ending spoiled for them. Imagine how amazing it would be to see the final reveal in theaters, fresh and unaware? I get chills…

6. Ozymandias Revealed: In my opinion, the weakest translation from book to screen. I’ve seen MATCH POINT and know that Matthew Goode has some chops, but that costume screams BATMAN AND ROBIN (Trailer song coincidence anyone?). I just imagined Veidt to look sleeker, more refined, less cartoony. We’ll see. of course. in the finished product, but as of now that is the only design flaw to this film, in my opinion. Dig old Nixon in the background though. It’s the little things folks.

7. Manhattan Phases: The good doctor goes all sub-particle and it looks real, if that doesn’t sound ridiculous enough. I love how it’s a seamless transition from form to floating matter. Again, that style that Synder has cultivated fits amazingly well into the world of superpowers and super feats. Not only does it not distract, but it takes this to a whole other level, one closer to an art film then a pumped up comic book movie.

8. Say hi to Rorschach (and a face full of flame): The moment of truth. Undeniably the most popular character from WATCHMEN and one of the most beloved heroes in all of comic books. And… we have what might be one of the greatest on-screen characters of all time. YES!!!! THAT IS RORSCHACH! Everything down to the last minute detail. The mask is downright breathtaking. For a fan who never thought this movie would come out to see Rorschach in living, breathing full color is a dream of a lifetime and a moment I will never forget. Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, thanks to everyone who made this movie a reality. Even if it sucks (like that could happen), just to acknowledge something a small group of dedicated people love and to do it such honor is a really amazing thing.

9. Silk Spectre, come on down..: I think I am in love. With Malin Ackerman, with the designers of the film – hell, right now, with planet Earth. I have never been more intimidated – and yet turned on at the same time – by a woman in my life. This IS the only woman who could steal Dr. M’s heart away. Another beloved character seemingly transported straight out of the four color funny book pages and landed onto our respective screens. Respective drool covered screens, that is.

10. Dr. Manhattan X 3: Our first real glimpse at what has become of John Osterman. What many people are calling the most difficult aspect of the translation and, in response to the trailer, the most succesfull. Simply put, that is Billy Cruddup’s face on Dr. Manhattans body. There is NO other design choice for this character. The look we see in this movie is the look Gibbons created for the book, and it is the only look that works. And oh, how it works. This is the image and the character that will draw non-fans into the film. And fans… well, I think you can guess how we feel.

11.Nite-Owl Swoops: Did Snyder just out Batman Batman? That single shot evokes so much emotion, memory, and nostalgia in me that it has became my favorite of the trailer (and the screencap, the background on my computer). Such grace and silent power Dan carries. I love the running citizens in the background. Love how all-business Nite-Owl is. Fanboy gold, through and through…

12. Funeral for a friend?: Not much to say other than tonally it seems to be in the right place. Not overly sad (due to the man Blake was), but mournful – more for the death of an idea then the death of a man.

13. The Comedian and Dr. Manhattan go to Vietnam: Again, Synder wows me with the visuals. Not only is Comedian perfect looking, the color palette of the scenes really go far to paint a picture of this idealized, almost romanticized version of the end of Vietnam that creator Alan Moore crafted. The shot that follows – a few scenes of Dr. Manhattan vaporizing the Viet-Cong gentlemen – is too awesome to put down in words. The look on Dr M’ face – not really contentment, not really purpose… Hell, I don’t want to try and describe it. I just want to see it on a big screen (IMAX big… You listening WB and LEGENDARY?).

14. The Crowd turns angry: One of the more powerful images from the book translated into an extremely powerful image on screen. I love the attention to detail that has been paid on dressing the extras. These people are STRAIGHT out of the comic. Also, it’s reassuring to know that the plot seems to have remained entirely intact on the adaptation.

15. Dr. Manhattan Pops in: Yeah… He can do that. And he is in a prison. Us fans know what that means. The best (fan favorite) sequence in the film is about to begin. Damn teases.

16. Let’s get it on: Laurie and John share an intimate moment. And we, as the viewer, get to see a shot that is so damn beautiful, it should be hung up on the wall in a fine art museam. It’s visuals like this that will make this film so much more then just another “Cape” movie and take in into the realm of “Higher” art

17/18. Blake + Rorschact + Veidt throw their collective weight around: One of my major complaints with 300 was that I was bored with the fighting style/action scenes. Synder, thankfully, has done away with that “Gold Hue” that made me nauseous but kept the intense and artfully choreographed action that first gave him a name in this town. Yes, it appears that this movie will have its fair share of slo-mo, but that is forgivable in a world where we are meant to feel every blow as if it strikes our own body. The viewer SHOULD feel beat up after leaving this film, physically and emotionally. As long as Synder doesn’t rely too heavily on his old tricks, I think we are in store for some truly remarkable action pieces.

19. Nite-Owl screams: A taste of the darkness to come. People think DARK KNIGHT is a tonally bleak movie. Heheheheheheheehehehe. Right….

20. Crowd gives Comedian what for: A powerful, evocative image directly from the books. I love that Snyder and the producers of this film haven’t shied away from the political and non-traditional nature of the source material. Most superhero films present us with a world in which the heros aren’t questioned. This movie will strongly bring up the point “Do we need Superheroes” – and at a tumultuous time in our own society, the question (or deeper metaphor) couldn’t be more perfect.

21. Rorschach busts a pose: Folks, if any single image has excited me more then this one in the past few years, I don’t know what it could be. The moving ink blots? BRILLIANT! The voice… Haley couldn’t have been a better choice.

22.The Moony shot: There it is folks. The future of the human race in all its glory. And impressive is an understatement. What a way to go out. If non fans were confused already, this shot will take their minds over the edge. With this image, I and a countless horde are left waiting and wanting more. Perfect cap to a perfect trailer.

OVERALL REACTION- There is now not a single film I am looking forward to as much as this one. What an incredible trailer/gift for the longtime fan. Sweet, succinct, jaw droppingly badass (I can’t get that song out of my head). Honestly, the best possible trailer I could have hoped for. No need to throw away plot or exposition. Tease em’… and leave ’em wanting more. And I do… A lot more. WATCHMEN countdown officially starts now, folks. I, for one, cannot wait.

So, if you haven’t, read the book. If you have… yeah, I’m that psyched as well.

Check back next week, friends, for more fun in the proverbial sun. And, as always,

“Keep’em bagged and boarded”

–Matt Cohen is currently watching the WATCHMEN trailer again… and again.

Howdy Inter-Webbers, I’m Matt Cohen, and I dig sketch comedy (have we done this one yet?).

Let me clarify… I dig GOOD sketch comedy. There is possibly nothing as unfunny as a filmed comedy sketch that goes wrong. When jokes miss in a feature length film, it doesn’t really matter too much because if one doesn’t work, there is a good chance the next one will. With sketches, it’s a whole different, deadlier ball game. When all of your comedy boils down to one concept, and that one concept doesn’t hit, disaster is a light way of describing what occurs. I have seen some downright awful sketches in my day (most, unfortunately, on network television) and it has made me a bit of a snob when it comes to sketch comedy that I like. Because the truly funny troupes are so hard to find, when I do discover a group I enjoy, I tend to obsess a bit, as I do with most “fringe” things I get into. I can’t help it. There are few things in the world that impress me as much as a quality, successful comedy sketch. Over the years I’ve seen probably thousands of sketches – most crap, some good, and some on a whole different plane all together. This week, I take a look at the sketches I consider to be “The Best of All Time”. Now, that’s not saying the following pieces are the funniest sketches ever – they just happen to be some of my favorite. School’s ’bout to start, kids… Hope you brought me an apple (covered in caramel and Reeses Pieces).

IN NO RANKING ORDER (Choosing a favorite out of these would be like choosing my favorite finger, and though me and my right thumb are tight as hell, I like to think all of my fingers are worth their weight in gold… or at least pleather.)

Oh, and to be safe, these sketches may not be suitable for work… Unless you work somewhere cool

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Pre Taped Call in Show

Premise: Ken Doral (David Cross) is the host of a pre-taped call in show. Confused yet? Each week on the program, Ken takes calls that deal with the next week’s subjects. Still confused? It appears everyone is – except Ken.

The Audition

Premise: Denny Whitkin (Cross) is attending an open casting call for a role in a television show. He forgot to bring a chair. Can he borrow yours?

Mr. Hilter

Premise: A small bed and breakfast has some new guests arrive for a stay. They may or may not be formal Nazi war criminals.

Confuse-A-Cat

Premise: What to do with a bored cat? Let Confuse-a-Cat do the hard work for you!

Will Arnett Sex Tape

Premise: Aziz and Paul are two down on their luck paparazzi who come up with an idea to snag the hottest photos and get into the hottest locations. Three magic words… Olsen. Twin. Masks.

Clell Tickle: Indie Marketing Guru

Premise: Clell Tickle (Aziz) is the world’s foremost Indie music publicity master. Why, you may ask? Simple… Clell doesn’t take no for an answer..

What Really Happened To Abe Lincoln

Premise: The place? Ford Theatre. The time? 18 something something (cmon!). The players? Abe Lincoln and John Wilkes Booth. Find out what really happened on that fateful day.

Sic Sempur Tyrranus

Premise: Or is this what really happened?

Scottish Hotel

Premise: Ray McCooney (David Walliams) is the proprietor of a small bed and breakfast in Scotland. Some customers have some questions regarding their meal, and Ray has some answers. Have you ever heard?…

Only Gay in the Village

Premise: Daffyd Thomsan (Matt Lucas) is the only gay in his small Welsh village… Or so he likes to maintain.

Hello Dave!

Premise: Reece Shearsmith is Papa Lazarou, some sort of clown/minstrel/traveling salesman/horrific monster. Papa’s wife needs to use the restroom. The only question is, will Dave be home to answer the door?

Jedd Hunter’s Commercial

Premise: Pamela Dove (Shearsmith) is an aspiring actress. What she is aspiring to is anyone’s guess. Jedd Hunter (Steve Pemberton), famed commercial director, gives Pam her first audition.

Ass Pennies

Premise: Matt Walsh and Ian Roberts discuss ways to avoid being intimidated at work. It involves pennies and ass.

Fortune Cookies

Premise: The UCB four eat at a Chinese restaurant, and when the fortune cookies are brought out, Ian Robert’s lucky numbers won’t be the only thing revealed.

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That’s the list. Love it? Hate it? Love me? (Not likely) Hate me? (More likely) Leave a comment, and while you’re at it, leave a link to your own favorite comedy sketches. I’m sure I left out some of your personal bests (I did it on purpose, out of spite), so be a nice neighbor and share with the class.

Wasn’t that fun, kids? I had a blast – so much fun, in fact, that I think I need a week to recover. So check back on the get back. And, as always,

“Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

Matt Cohen is currently wondering if it rains down in Africa.

Howdy Inter-Webbers. I’m Matt Cohen, and I dig Hellboy.

Anyone who remotely knows me knows that. I wear my love for all things Hellboy proudly on my sleeve (of my homemade BPRD shirt, no less). Big Red is my single favorite fictional character of all time, and his comic book is my favorite work of fiction. From the moment I first laid eyes on Hellboy on a T-shirt in Dogma I was in geek love. And, funnily enough, at some point the heavens conspired and my favorite filmmaker in the world, Guillermo Del Toro (or GDT, as he shall henceforth be referred to) decided to adapt my favorite comic book to screen. Rarely do things work out that perfect. The first Hellboy movie was a lot of fun but it left me wishing it were more, wishing it was an unfettered GDT film rather then what seemed like a tightly controlled studio movie. I was left wanting more comic book content and the visual flair that GDT was known for. I was left wanting a sequel. Well, on Saturday night I had the privilege of a lifetime to attend the world premiere of Hellboy II: The Golden Army and I can happily and proudly tell you that it has been done. The perfect Hellboy film has been made, and at the same time, one of the best comic to film adaptations I have seen in my entire life. Hellboy II is, to say it lightly, awesome. It makes up for everything the first film lacked, and more. GDT has managed to merge his big studio action flicks with his small personal Spanish language films, and the result is a giant roller-coaster of a summer good time mixed with the nuances and sensibilities of a small art film. Ron Perlman returns as the only man on the planet who can possibly do HB justice. And once again, he gives the performance of a life time. To make a long story short, this is as fun a time in the movie theatre that I’ve had in my life.

This is one of my favorite films of this year (or any other), and I truly feel that anyone who ever has called themselves a “Movie Fan” should experience this film in theaters for themselves. With that in mind, I want to avoid spoilers entirely if possible. Yes, there will be some hints of the movie discussed in here, but more theme and overall reaction then specific moments. And, as always, to save you the time and eye strain of reading another novel of a review, I’ve broken my feelings down into points, like so…

HERE TO PROTECT (PROS):

PLOT: While far from groundbreaking, the story of HB II works tremendously and GDT has honestly crafted a pretty timeless tale here, regardless of whether you’re a fan of the big red ape or not. If you have yet to watch it I would definitely recommend checking out the animated prologue released a week or so ago, and found here. What GDT (and Hellboy’s dad and Filmic co-scripter Mike Mignola) have cooked up is a tale that not only fits perfectly into the HB universe but also manages to quite skillfully echo some of our own modern “real world” concerns. GDT doesnt go as far as to make this an “eco-agenda” movie, but there is definitely a theme of “Man’s destruction of the planet” which makes the Elves and their leader, Nuada’s (Luke Goss) , motivations all the more genuine and sincere.

Imagine that humans aren’t the original inhabitants of this planet, but rather a passing fad. Now imagine the first citizens of the Earth, the ones relegated to shadows and living underground, forced out of their rightful homes by this interloper of a species (man). With that in mind, Nuada’s goals never seem evil for a moment, making him a much more complex and quite tragic baddie than the previous film offered in Rasputin, or most “Superhero” films offer in general. Nuada is not a bad guy. He is loyal to his people (to a fault). The viewer never once hates Nuada or the Elven forces, which makes Hellboy’s inevitable conflict (Monsters or Man ; Where does he belong?) all the more genuine seeming. Further then that, I found myself sort of agreeing with the “Baddies” by the end of the film rather then rooting against them. One gets the feeling, watching this film, that GDT sides with the monsters (and that he would make an amazing Frankenstein film) and at the end of the day, that is sort of what Hellboy II is all about. The monsters we can see versus the monsters inside of us.

There are some other more character based “spoilers” that I’d rather not go into, but let’s just say that the Elves aren’t the only conflict in Hellboy‘s life. He’s got a girlfriend now (Liz Sherman/Selma Blair) and we all know how that goes… Right? (just ruined my chances of ever dating a female reader, didn’t I?). Mix in a new Elven love interest for Abe Sapien and the introduction of the german ghost man Johann, and you’ve got yourself one of the better ensemble/team movies I can think of. GDT didn’t reinvent the wheel, he just made it spin a lot faster and better.

ACTING: Let’s break this down again, shall we?

Ron Perlman (Hellboy): The only man who could do this part justice. Physically menacing and yet somehow so damn vulnerable, innocent, and likable at the same time. Whatever the first movie’s failings were, Perlman was perfect in it; much as he is in this film. I can’t imagine anyone else playing Hellboy, and the fact that Perlman is nearing 60 just makes the performance that more astounding and one for the ages. One of the greatest film characters ever realized, due in a huge part to this man. Ron Perlman is Hellboy, and I would pay to watch him do his laundry as this character, let alone beat the crap out of monsters. One of the most inspired and brilliant casting decisions of all time. I bow down…

“Who said they don’t like Comics & Comics?”

Selma Blair (Liz Sherman): Leagues better then she was in the first film, it seems that Selma Blair has finally found her voice in this crazy universe, and shines in the sequel (and smolders… I know. I’m hilarious). Sporting a new haircut but that same old Liz attitude, Selma turns in a really good performance, having to handle some chunks of dialogue that in the hands of a lesser actor may have come of cheesy and stilted. She is a great compliment to Perlman’s Hellboy and I look forward to seeing the happy couple together again in the third HB film.

Doug Jones (Abe Sapien): A minor buzz was created when it was announced that Doug Jones, that man responsible for the physical performance of Abe Sapien in Hellboy (And the SIlver Surfer, The Fawn in Pans Labyrinth, etc) would also be assuming the voice role of Abe in HB II, replacing David Hyde Pierce from the first film. And as a testament to Doug, the change over is barely noticeable if noticeable if all. In all honesty, I prefer Jone’s performance to that of Pierce. Jones brings a sense of calm and innocence that Pierce missed out on entirely. Doug Jones is one of my favorite actors in the world, and to finally hear him speak in a role made my day. In many ways this is Abe’s movie, and that is due in a large part to the wonderful performance of Doug Jones.

Luke Goss (Prince Nuada): Goss does a very capable job here, building on his first real feature role in Blade II. Nuada is not campy or stereotypically evil for one frame of film, and Goss goes out of his way to portray that. Many “unpolished” actors may have taken this role into the realm of overacting, but Goss maintains a sublety and grace that really befits the noble but disgraced character he plays. A good job by a young actor who I look forward to seeing in more films. Oh, and the dude is AWESOME at action scenes. Nuada gets some of the more impressive physical feats that I’ve seen in a long time on film.

“Is there something on my hand? You guys…? You guys…?”

Jeffrey Tambor (Tom Manning): I love The Larry Sanders Show, I love Arrested Development, and I love the comedic stylings of Mr. Jeffrey Tambor. Where extremely funny people can get relegated to cheesy laughs and one liners in some action films, Tambor is allowed to introduce his own hilarious sense of humor into the character, and it works. Really well. Like, much better than the character ever was in the comic book medium. The comic relief in a film that needs relief from nothing, so he’s pretty much just icing on the cake. Hey now!

ACTION: Anyone who’s seen the massively underrated Blade II knows that GDT can shoot action. Blade II‘s fight scenes blew me away those many years ago, and I am happy to say that a few years of “Art” films haven’t spoiled GDT’S eye for all things awesome. THE ACTION IS FANTASTIC! From the hordes of “Tooth Fairies” that can be seen attacking in the now online trailer, to the more traditional Hellboy “Smash’em up” monster fights, to graceful and almost dance like sword fighting, Hellboy II has some of the most exciting and visually compelling action sequences I have seen in film. Period. GDT manages to channel everyone from John Woo to Woo Ping to the classic Universal Monster movies to John Carpenter, and more. This movie is an action buff’s wet dream. Stunningly gorgeous visuals mixed with envigorating and gravity defying action that not for one moment seems “CGI’d” out like some other big summer films. (I saw the trailer for the new Mummy film today. Yeah. It’s like that). Whether HB is knocking a fool with his fist or plugging away with his hilariously badass arsenal, this film doesn’t let down for a second (unless it calls for it). It’s rare that one man can make films that are both heartfelt and deep, and yet gigantic balls to the wall action at the same time, and Hellboy II further cements GDT as one of the best filmmakers in the world (and my personal favorite).

CREATURES: Before the film ran, GDT addressed the audience, and to paraphrase (sloppily at that) “People are right when they say that I make two different types of film in an alternating sequence – One small, Spanish language film and then one big budget studio action flick. Hellboy II is the first film that belongs in both of those worlds. The creatures and characters in this movie belong in the same universe as the little girl and fawn in Pan’s Labyrinth, and the babies in The Devils Backbone“. The man couldn’t have been more correct. Not only are the creatures in this new movie just as odd and wonderful as the ones in GDT’S previous work, to call them some of the best onscreen creatures of all time would not be overstating it. Simply put, GDT knows monsters, and the monsters in Hellboy II are the craziest, most imaginative, most visually stunning characters I have seen on screen since my childhood. I am immediately reminded of three films, A New Hope, Ghostbusters and Gremlins 2; my three childhood favorites. I think of the characters and practical makeup effects in those films and I weigh them against HB II, I am extremely hard pressed to declare a “winner”. Yes, I just compared Hellboy II to Star Wars, Ghostbusters and Gremlins. If I was a child when HB II came out, it may have been my favorite movie in the world. If you read any reviews before the film gets released, I can almost promise you the critic will make mention of the “Troll Market” scene, possibly comparing it to the Mos Eisley Cantina scene in the O.G Star Wars – and not only will they not be wrong, they will be closer to the mark then many of us will realize. Give this film some time to settle, and I definitely think it will deserve its place among the best “Monster” films of all time. Amazing work by the man, Rick Baker, their digital effects team, and anyone else who helped bring this world I love so much to life to life.

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COMEDY: The first film had some laughs, but the sequel is downright hilarious. GDT has managed to make Hellboy and his universe funnier and warmer then Mignola ever did (though this movie does reek of Mike, in a good way). Johann in particular gets a lot of the really big chuckles, but the entire film is very funny. I couldn’t help smiling throughout, and that is due in a large part to this whimsical and light-but-dark tone that GDT has perfected in HB II. Perlman is no slouch in the laughs department, either, and Red is yet again one of the funnier more deadpan characters to grace movie screens this year. Unlike the first movie, however, the laughs are not kept to HB and Manning. Liz, Abe and particularly the new recruit, Johann, all have their moments to shine. SEMI SPOILER ALERT: There is a scene in this movie, so hilarious, so amazing, so perfect that I haven’t seen one review fully reveal it yet. And, I am not going to be that guy. Suffice it to say, A floor, lots of beer, Hellboy, Abe, and Barry Manilow. You should see the smile on my face right now…

SPECIAL AWARD: Seth McFarlane – Yes. I was wrong, yet again. I was one of the numerous people on the web who read the announcement that Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane would be voicing Johann, and I, like many others immediately, called shenanigans. I am embarrassed to admit that I doubted GDT for even one moment. I let my dislike of Family Guy cloud my faith in my favorite filmmaker. And boy oh boy, am I glad GDT’s a lot smarter then me. SETH McFARLANE NAILS IT!!! He is incredible in this movie – hilarious, authentic, creepy and yet vulnerable at the same time. His performance as the B.P.R.D’s Teutonic ectoplasmic man is one of the best voice over jobs I have ever heard in my life, and made me appreciate the character more then I ever thought I would. He not only fits in the film universe, he compliments it amazingly well, gaining many of the biggest laughs and “badass” moments of the film. Johann is a welcome member to the cinema team, and one of my favorite comic to film translations to date. A tremendous performance that just earned Seth McFarlane a new fan. Truly Awesome.

“A government hired crime fighter or walking bong… You decide”

SENT TO DESTROY (CONS):

Young Hellboy’s makeup: Not great. Not even good. But not horrible. You can see what GDT and Baker were going for here, and though it is a noble attempt, the look just doesn’t work well. The skin is way too red and the hair just looks goofy…

Not one other flaw I can think of: Yeah, kids… It’s like that!

So, basically, see this movie, folks. Many many times. You won’t regret it. I’m gonna go as far as to say this is one of my all time favorite films. I really hope the world loves it as much as I do.

Anyhoo friends, check back next week for more fun in the proverbial sun. You won’t regret that, either. I’ll be here, you’ll be here. It’ll be nice. And, as always…

“Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

Matt Cohen is currently typing with the right hand of doom.

Howdy Inter-Webbers, I’m Matt Cohen and I dig seeing movies in theaters.

I was fortunate enough to grow up about a half a mile from one of the best and oldest theatres on Long Island, a grand affair with one screen and a balcony. From the age of 4 until it closed when I was 16, I spent every possible free moment seeing movies in that beast (a glorious beast) of a place. And from that, I think I developed a real affinity for viewing films with audiences, in the dark, on larger then life screens. Of course, some genres translate better to the big screen – horror/action/scifi/fantasy type deals – but all movies can be enhanced by seeing them as they were meant to be seen, and comedies are no exception to this rule. So, I thought i’d share my summer comedy movie going experience with you guys. You’re good people. Read on.

Ghosts of X-Mas Past:

Forgetting Sarah Marshall: The top comedy of the summer so far. I love this movie. It’s got such a surprising heart to it that I can’t help but smile like a kid when I think about it. In an age of gross out humor and sophomore hijinks, FSM stands out as a smart, extremely hilarious comedy that actually means well. Now, I’m the last person to usually enjoy romantic comedies, and though this film doesn’t follow the traditional rom-com route it still very much is a piece of that genre. And, for the first time since Love Actually, I actually enjoyed a movie that imposed (not in a constrictive way) heart on the viewer, something I usually cringe from, but in FSM it’s organic and realistic and honestly makes you feel kinda good about life. Awesome film by the cat poised to take over Hollywood, Jason Segal, who is also the man responsible for the next cinematic adventure of my beloved Muppets. And I really couldn’t think of a person out there who I would rather see get the job.

You Don’t Mess with the Zohan: The surprise of the summer. Don’t get me wrong; I’m a big Sandler fan. His last two or three films though have been down right awful in my opinion (Especially Click. wtf?) and it has made me more hesitant to see a Sand-man movie. I’m glad I didn’t hesitate with this one. Zohan is, in my opinion, his funniest film since Big Daddy (a long time ago) and one of the nuttier, funnier comedies I’ve seen in a while. The plot and characters are so damn ridiculous that you are sort of forced to just go with it, and the rewards are great. It’s so random and weird and akward and wrong – basically all the things that classic Sandler stood for – and it’s a definite return to top shape. I may have identified with the whole Jewish thing a bit more then some audiences, but even if you haven’t met a Jew in your life (some of you are from the Midwest, after all) I really think you’ll have a great time with the movie. Oh, by the way, best John Turturo role since The Big Lebowski.

Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay: I love the first film but I I like the second. I don’t know exactly what it was about the sequel that didn’t do it for me. Most of the elements had returned. John Cho and Kal Pen are funny dudes, and Neil Patrick Harris is now a comedy Icon. The movie was almost exactly similar in plot and structure as well. And that may be what went wrong with the film – Too much of the same. Sequels should heighten – even comedies – and I felt like I was watching Harold and Kumar 1.2 as opposed to Harold and Kumar 2.

Get Smart: The most “meh” flick I’ve seen in a while. Not good, not bad, but so middle of the road it’s painful. Surprisingly adept direction of the action scenes from director Peter Segal, though, which I guess is a nice surprise, but not really in a movie I wanted to laugh at. All in all, about three laughs in two hours. That’s not a great ratio, friends. Carrell is Carell, so it’s not without some redemptive qualities, though.

Ghosts of X-Mas Future:

Pineapple Express: The film I am most excited about this summer (besides Dark Knight and Hellboy II“¦ C’mon, it’s me). Finally, FINALLY, someone had the brilliant idea to combine to of my personal loves – stoner comedies and shoot’em up action flicks. From the second I first saw the trailer I was absolutely sold. Rogen is as gold as it gets in my books, and James Franco, though not someone I usually pay much mind to, appears to have turned in one of the stoner performances of the ages. Add in an amazing supporting cast – with the likes of Craig Robinson, Danny Mcbride and Gary Cole – and throw in indie superstar director (and quite an accomplished filmmaker, in my opinion) David Gordon Green, and you’ve got one of the most intriguing films to come out in a very long time. I’m there.

Tropic Thunder: The movie that snuck up on me. Somehow, even with my obsessive daily combing of the web, I missed the announcement that this film existed. In fact, the first time I heard of it was the first time I saw the trailer, something that rarely, if ever, happens to me. I hope to remedy this situation as soon as possible. This movie looks like a blast. Very infrequently has someone managed to assemble such a great comedic cast as the filmmakers behind Tropic Thunder. Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Tony Stark himself, Robert Downey Jr. star in a film chock full of big cameos (Thomas Cruise anyone ?) By now you’ve all seen the trailers, and I’m sure I don’t need to tell you this movie will be hilarious. The red band was especially funny (Red Band: My favorite new trend in filmmaking) and the Downey character looks to be an instant classic. Soon kiddos, soon…

The Stepbrothers: The wild card. I am an unashamed fan of Will Ferrell and everything he touches. The man is a genius, and Anchorman and Talladega Nights are to modern audiences what Duck Soup and Day at the Races was to our great-grandparents. I stand by that statement whole-heartedly, as I think they are two of the best comedies of all time. So I’m sold on Ferrell for life. But even I can admit that sometimes he misses a bit more then he hits, as seen in the pretty “just okay” Semi-Pro. So there’s that factor – Will coming off a sub par film. John C. Reily, another man I’m a huge fan of, is in a similar situation, where he is coming off Walk Hard, which really didn’t do anything for me. So in a way, Stepbrothers could set the tone for the next year or two in these gentlemen’s careers. And, from all early indications and the trailer, the fold has been returned to (I butchered that, didn’t I?). I personally think this may wind up being the funniest film of the summer. I guess time will tell.

So kids, that’s it for now. I’m going on sabbatical for a few days. I deserve it. But fear not – same Matt place, same Matt channel, next week yo. Check, check, check, check it out”¦ And, as always,

“Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

Matt Cohen is currently living underwater. It’s wet.

Howdy Inter-Webbers. I’m Matt Cohen, and I dig the summer.

You just can’t beat the combination of warm sunny days and crisp, colorful comics. Something about the natural light that’s all around lends itself to enjoying funny books. It’s bliss. And, on some rare, lucky occasions, us few and dedicated get to see our childhood heroes put up on the bigscreen in larger then life glory. The Summer Movie was built for Comic Book adaptations. And this summer seems to be the most Comic Booky in years, if not ever. We’ve already seen the kickassness that is IRON MAN, and DARK KNIGHT promises to wow geeks the world over when it gets released next month. Somewhere in all the hype for the previously mentioned films, another comic book movie got forgotten by the masses, or so it seemed. Luckily, according to the first weekend box office, only the opposite could be the case, and it’s well deserved. I am here to tell you that THE INCREDIBLE HULK is pretty damn good. Nearly great.

Hulk, Hulk, Hulk… What are we gonna do with you? I was too young to watch the TV show, and the Ang Lee version – while entertaining – left me wanting a lot more. I compare that film to superhero ballet. Beautiful and masterful, but boring as all hell. With the new reboot, directed by TRANSPORTER 1 + 2 helmer Louis Leterrier and starring (and supposedly mostly written by) Tyler Durden himself (Spoiler) Edward Norton, I – along with countless other Hulk Comic fans – were given one more chance for one of our favorite four color characters to be done justice on the big screen.

Was the wait worth it?

I defiitely think so.

Though THE INCREDIBLE HULK is far from a perfect film, it is evertything it needed to be to make it an extremely enjoyable summer film. So there’s that factor. But forget the masses. Forget the uninitiated. Will a comic book fan like the new Hulk movie?

Yes, yes and a whole lot more yes.

By this time there are countless Hulk reviews on countless websites, so to avoid redundancy and try to keep this bad boy fresh, I’m going to get right to the nitty gritty. How the film played for me. I’ll break it down into pros and cons, to further avoid another long winded synopsis/review that you don’t want to read, and I don’t want to write.

HULK LIKE!!! (pros)

Comic Book Content: More so then possibly any comic book film that has been released in this fun filled decade of ours, THE INCREDIBLE HULK is jam packed with content and references lifted directly out of the comics. It is almost hard to keep a tally of the geek-ster eggs (I’m witty), they fly by so fast and often. It’s one thing for a big summer blockbuster to pander to the masses, but for one to pander to Comic Book fans – That is freaking fantastic. From shout outs to obscure characters yet to play their part in the MU, to glimpses of players just now finding their role, this film does not skimp on the cameos. Of course, by now everyone knows about Tony Stark’s appearance in the film, but to me, the more impressive and quite frankly badass cameos belonged to Doc Samson and Sam Sterns, two characters who will (hopefully) morph from what we’ve seen in this film, to the respective hero and villain we all know and love. The entire film practically seeps comic book style, from the Kirbyesque sonar canons to the fun and often cheesy (and yet somehow still effective) dialogue. Simply put, fans of the comic will not be let down one bit. All the characters remain true to their roots and I applaud Marvel Studious on yet again making a comic book film for comic book fans.

The Acting: First it was Robert Downey, Jr. and crew in Iron Man. Now, Edward Norton leads another ensemble of extremely talented actors in what is a shining example of how good a comic book movie can be. No need for overacting and schtick. Everyone here plays it real, unless the character calls for some other trait or eccentricity. The viewer doesn’t feel like they are watching a film in a genre that has traditionally been style over substance to the max. Hulk, along with Iron Man and Nolan’s Batman series, has definitely reversed the “Comic-Acting” trend in a big way. Norton and Roth in particular really shine here, bringing a sense of depth and emotion to their respective characters that viewers would probably not expect in typical “Light” summer fare. Norton gives a unique performance as Banner, not necessarily drawing on Bixby and Bana, rather by playing it fairly simple and “real” he paints a Bruce that rings truer to the comic version then any I have seen so far. He manages to bring a quiet intensity to the role, one I felt was badly missing in the other film and television attempts. Roth is Roth. What can you say about the man? I mean, it’s freaking Mr. Orange! Roth, as usual, is one of the most nuanced and compelling screen actors around, and never does he let Blonsky become a parody or a caricature. Though he is menacing and f’d up to the nines, we understand this man, his motivations, his desires. The chance for cheesiness was high in that role, and Mr. Roth couldn’t have done a better job of avoiding it. Rounding out the cast are Liv Tyler and William Hurt, two actors who are very hit or miss in my opinion. Thankfully, both hit this time, bringing life and scope to what can be considered very two dimensional characters. Commendable job on both fronts. And I would be lying if I said Tim Blake Nelson is not one of my favorite actors in the world, and though his performance as Dr. Sam Sterns was a “Tad” campy, it fit right in with the character (If you know who the character is about to become… hint…hint…. google it.) and got me extremely pumped for any and all future appearances.

The Hulk: He looks fake!!! He looks CGI!!! HE’S A 10 FOOT TALL GREEN MONSTER-MAN!!! General casting was not going to solve that one. I am under the opinion that they absolutely NAILED the Hulk this time around. Forget the haters. Of course he has to be CGI – a realistic practical affect would be impossible. So when all is said and done, one can only judge the work by what was put on screen, and what was put on screen in pretty much the EXACT Hulk we know and love from the comics. Though the changes were subtle and slight from the past film they did wonders to improve the look and overall feel of Big Green. He’s not as bulky now, less Frankenstein then in the Ang Lee version. Not as neon green, which as ridiculous as it sounds really helped me to buy the reality of the universe, at least more then I did in the previous film. Besides the physical changes there are personality ones as well. This Hulk is smarter, a better fighter (through better use of defense) and yet at the same time much more animalistic then previously seen. This Hulk is pure rage and aggression, but coupled with a quick and resourceful mind. The ultimate destruction machine. One scene in particular nailed it for me. SPOILER ZONE. Hulk and Betty are holed up in a cave during a thunderstorm. A crash of lightning booms out of nowhere, and Hulk is not only startled, HE IS PISSED. He runs out of the cave, picks up a giant boulder, hurls it at the sky, pounds his chest and screams. HULK IS MAD AT THE SKY!!! And even better then that, Hulk tries to fight it! That is the Hulk I know and love. The Hulk that runs on pure anger and aggression. No more contemplative dune jumping Hulk, finally, after years of waiting, The Hulk is here and he’s as badass as we’ve ever seen him.

HULK SMASH!!! (cons)

Abomination: Not so much the character as the visualization. Not great bordering on craptacular. I don’t know why this trend continues but I really have a problem when they make “Monsters” look like they are about to explode. Mr. Hyde in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen suffered from the same issue. They don’t look cool and creepy, they look bloated and as if they will fall apart at the first touch. I know that they wanted to make Hulk look “Good” in comparison but I really think the design team made a mistake with the look of Abomination in this film. And here is a simple solution they could have used… The comic book version. Why did they not go with the reptilian, scaled Abomination we are used to? I think he would have worked fine on screen, a hell of a lot better then Mr. Melting Corpse Boy that we got. Yes, the size and power were there but the look was all off. My one major complaint with the film.

SUMMARY: All in all, a great extremely fun film that will not dissapoint comic fans and “Normals” alike. If this and IRON MAN are any indication of the future of Marvel Studios, not only am I on board but I am one of the biggest supporters. All I can say is, BRING ON THE AVENGERS… Wait, what? Another seven years!!! Oh… Never mind then… REMIND ME ABOUT THE AVENGERS IN FIVE YEARS!!!

That’s all she and or he wrote for now. Tune in next week for another gripping and nail eating installment. Until then,

“Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

Matt Cohen is currently very current

Howdy Inter-Webbers. I’m Matt Cohen, and I dig THE WACKNESS.

Ah, the summer of 94. I was a precocious ten years old, living in suburban Long Island and making that all too important transition from elementary school to middle school. In a lot of ways, that is the summer I became a teen. I got my first CD (Dr. Dre’s THE CHRONIC), had my first dalliance with the opposite sex; It was a formative time for me. Of course, if a film were to be made about my “coming of age” it would be at around seventeen or so, but that would be in 2001 and that was like seven years ago; too soon for nostalgia. And though 1994 was a big year for me, I cannot tell my story set against its backdrop. Luckily, writer director Jonathan Levine can. Levine graduated high school in that fateful summer and fortunately for us, he has decided to tell his tale (or a lot of it) in a fresh, smart and extremely funny new film, THE WACKNESS.

Set in the three summer months of 1994, in the hot and familiar (to myself) streets in New York City, THE WACKNESS is the story of 16 year old Luke Shapiro (TV’s Josh Peck), a pot dealer and social misfit who strives to be popular and get the girl but winds up spending most of his time with a drug addicted psychologist played by Oscar winner Sir. Ben Kingsley. Though Lucas isn’t necessarily picked on, he is far from popular in school, most kids only associating with him due to his profession. Aptly put by the teen himself “I’m the most popular unpopular kid in school”. Couple all this popularity induced insecurity with a raging unfulfilled sex drive and a family life quickly collapsing around him, and you’ve got one pretty messed up kid. I say messed up not in the sense that anything is wrong with him, rather like most teens, Luke’s life is a seemingly random series of catastrophes and set backs, all of which he thinks he is helpless to avoid. His one friend, the madcap and clinically depressed Dr. Squires is almost In the same boat as Luke. Squire’s in a loveless and often tumultuous marriage, he is depressed and unsatisfied at work and he trades therapy sessions with sixteen year olds for marijuana. Class act. To make things even worse, the city they love and call their own is quickly morphing into a homogenized theme park of a town, thanks to Mayor Rudolph Guliani. Luke graduates high school unceremoniously and the summer seems to be shaping up to be just as miserable as all the others. Add in the fact that Luke’s parents fight all the time (and for good reason, Luke’s father loses his job and the family is in danger of being evicted). Stephanie, the girl he likes, who happens to be Dr. Squire’s stepdaughter (played excellently by relative newcomer Olivia Thirlby) is either unaware or unresponsive to Luke’s desires – rather, she seems to like Luke as a friend. Life couldn’t be worse for young Luke Shapiro.

And then one day, his various worlds seem to collide. With most of the school class out of the country on a trip (to which Luke was not invited), Stephanie and Luke spend a chance day together, selling pot in the parks of the Upper West Side. Sparks fly, obviously on Luke’s part and surprisingly on Stephanie’s, and Luke – for the first time in a long time – has a reason for life. As this affair is blossoming, Luke and Dr. Squires attempt to reinvigorate each other’s lives in other, more spiritual (yeah right) pursuits. What follows is one of the truest and funniest coming of age films I have seen in a long time.

“I’m pretty sure thats not ices in there…”

I don’t want to spoil things, as this is a film I feel people should really go out of their way to try and see. So as to not go into much more plot, I like to break my feelings about the film into a list style type deal. Y’all with me? All right, then let’s roll out.

THE PLOT: This movie may not affect everyone as it did me, or ring as true to people’s lives and memories as it did mine, but one can’t help feel a twang of happiness, regardless of age or background, at the pure saturation of the year 1994 in this film. The movie breathes that summer. The music, the sights around NYC, the language; this film is in many ways a time capsule of 1994, a seminal time in my own life and a generation of fellow film fans. Though the actual story is nothing groundbreaking, it is so real that it is hard to not be instantly drawn into it. Anyone will relate with a moment in this film, if not many of them. In its own way, this is a film to remind people of who they were, where they’ve come from and what they’ve learnt along the way. Yes, it runs a tad too long at 110 minutes and yes, some of the dialogue will not be accessible to those not familiar with the time period (I, on the other hand used to really talk like this) and yes, it does have the now infamous Ben Kingsley/Mary Kate Olsen make out session, but I really think THE WACKNESS is a standout piece, and one of the most realistic and funny independent films I have seen in a while.

THE VISUALS: This movie is gorgeous”¦ And I don’t say that lightly. Cinematographer Petra Korner has created a palate for her first feature film that is both gritty and luscious at the same time. The streets of New York City are represented in their full, real life splendor. Nothing is cleaned up here for our sake. This is New York as seen through the haze of memories gone – things are a bit distorted, sometimes washed out, always dreamlike and always true to the city that I love. With a flair for the creative and sometimes shocking, Petra manages to remind the viewer of Darren Arronosfky’s masterpiece REQUIEM FOR A DREAM, and that is one of the highest honors I can bestow upon someone.

THE ACTING: Possibly the strongest suit this film has going for it. In particular, Josh Peck turns in a true star making performance in the lead role of Luke. For those unfamiliar, Peck can be seen as the costar of the wildly popular children’s television show JOSH AND DRAKE and a few years back stole the show in the fantastic indie film MEAN CREEK. In his first starring role, there was a real chance for a young actor to get lost amongst the high concepts of the piece and the more veteran cast, but Peck not only doesn’t falter, he is a breathe of fresh air. Not for one moment in the film did I feel like he was acting, rather Luke exists for the two hours he is on film. This is a real kid, or rather, we know a real kid very much like Luke. He is both a characterization and a accurate portrayal of a teenager lost to angst, and Josh Peck does an amazing job of keeping that element apparent and also prominent in every scene he inhabits. Truly a wonderful and memorable performance and what looks to be the start of a very promising career.

Sir Kingsley is no slouch either as he paints a zany and compelling Dr. Squires for the audience. Yes, sometimes he can veer a bit into the lunacy scale, but for the character he is playing it seems to fit, if not add to the overall performance. It’s a high compliment to the man that I hardly recognized him in the film, and once the movie gets rolling I almost forgot that it was an actor playing the role – instead, it felt like Dr. Squires had agreed to play himself. It is definitely an unconventional character, and due to that Sir Ben’s portrayal may irk some viewers, or come off as a caricature, but this isn’t the “real” world as we know it – It’s Levine’s memories seen through the idealistic future of time. Things don’t have to be 100 percent “True” to make this universe exude reality.

Olivia Thribly – who most of you will know as Juno’s best friend in, wait for it, JUNO -  plays Stephanie, the goal (and occasional destroyer) of Luke’s affections, and she does a surprisingly mature and adept job of the role. I say surprising, not because I doubt her talent, rather at such a young age I am always surprised and impressed when an actor or actress can bring such a sense of depth and realism to a role. I know girls like Stephanie. You know girls like Stephanie. It is a great credit to Thirbly that one doesn’t wind up despising her character, but instead empathize and almost appreciate her instead, due in the most part to a combination of Thirlby’s grounded and eerily real life performance, and her obvious beauty and charm. She plays a very functional role in the growth of Luke, and her almost preternatural understanding of that is what makes the character intriguing and somehow tragic, rather then mean.

The rest of the cast is fleshed out with what is for the most part strong and mainly unknown (or at least unfamiliar) character actors. The few notable exceptions are Mary Kate Olsen playing a Phish tour dropout, Famke Janssen as Dr. Squire’s distant and troubled trophy wife and Method Man as Luke’s pot supplier, each of who turn in a solid if not unremarkable performance. Actually, Method Man was better then that, though only given a few scenes, I really enjoyed his whole Rasta character and thought it was nice to see him playing a role rather then himself, as he usually does.

THE MUSIC: Other then the acting, this is what THE WACKNESS has going for it. Rap may not be everyone’s cup of tea, and if you are an adamant anti-rap person, the following statement will not apply to you, but this film has one of the best soundtracks in recent years. It may be because I bought my first CD in 94, or that my first exposure to music was the very artists and songs featured in the film. Or, it could be that this is just really great hip-hop at its truest root. I like to think it’s a combination of all three. 94 was a golden age for rap music, and all the heavy hitters of that summer are represented on the soundtrack, everyone from Tribe Called Quest and Wu-Tang to Nas and most prominently Biggie (who at this point had not even released his debut album READY TO DIE and was being circulated around the city on mix tapes). If you are 20 years old and above, this music should ring familiar to you even if you weren’t a fan of it originally. Levine, again, does a remarkable job of capturing a particular moment in time, and the music and feeling that went along with it.

Overall. THE WACKNESS is a fresh, compelling and very real film that manages to faithfully capture an important time in my life, and for that reason alone I give it the highest praise. The fact that it is a well-executed and extremely well acted piece only adds to its lasting appeal. Check it out when it comes to a theater near you”¦.

And be all about the dopeness.

Sadly, our time is through friends and neighbors. Check back next week where we kick this puppy back into Comic Book mode with a look at Wednesday’s standout releases. Keep em’ fresh, keep em’ funky, and as always,

“Keep em’ bagged and boarded”.

Matt Cohen is fresher then fresh, yo.

Howdy Interwebbers. I’m Matt Cohen and I dig Iron Man again.

Growing up, comic books were a huge part of my life. From a very early age I can remember being obsessed with comics, particularly (let’s be honest”¦ exclusively) Marvel. And even that was a shortlist of books. Pretty much, my childhood consisted solely of Wolverine, Venom, Ghost Rider and Punisher. That was it. Spider-Man made fleeting appearances, as did Hulk, but for the most part I had stuck to those four characters. What can I say; I was a brooding little kid. So yes, I was emo before emo was emo. My comic book reading consisted of dark and dangerous characters, all anti-heroes, and all pretty much insane. That is what my comic world was made up of. Except that is, for one man.

Tony Stark.

I don’t know what it was about the character that first drew me in, but Iron Man was the only “Straight-forward” hero book I read, and I loved it. The suits, the baddies, the attitude; I was hooked the moment I discovered old Shell-Head. Iron Man was never popular with my group of friends, most of them sticking to X titles only (This was the early nineties, after all) and for the life of me I can’t remember what first got me reading Iron Man. I know that my mom of all people was a fan of the character when she was a kid, so that may have steered me a bit, or possibly she bought me unsolicited Iron books that I read without choosing.

Regardless, I was an Iron Man fan: And a big one. I remember doodling designs for new suits in my schoolbooks, meticulously bagging and boarding Iron Man comics. It was a big part of my childhood. And then, at about age 12, I stopped reading comic books. Full out. One day I put them down and didn’t pick them up again for about five years. I don’t know if it was me attempting to “grow up”, or if newer hobbies took precedent in my mind, but I had stopped reading and collecting comic books completely. The characters I once knew and loved pretty much fell off of my radar. Sure, I’d read the occasional book when it was around me, but I stopped going out of my way to follow the stories that I had once obsessed over so much. I was suddenly more interested in hanging out with friends and getting into typical teenage “trouble” then I was reading the ongoing adventures of caped superheroes (What had happened to me?).

Jump to a few years later, some mellowing out time, and a now seventeen year old me. I was in my senior year of High School on suburban Long Island. My “fan” tastes had shifted from all things comic and “geek” related to all things in the comedy genre. Long story short, I saw the Hellboy T-shirt in Dogma, went out and bought a Hellboy comic and things sort of just developed from there. Within about three months I was reading 30 plus titles a week, ranging from indies to Super books. I began revisiting childhood favorites that had long lapsed from my memory. And yet one thing had changed. In those years in between my comic reading, one of my favorite characters had strayed to the dark side. And not necessarily to the side of evil – rather to becoming someone I had zero interest in reading about. That man, friends and neighbors, was Tony Stark.

I don’t know what it was that had changed so much about the character to immediately make me dislike him upon my return to the comic fold, but I can guess at some reasons. The smugness that I loved so much when I was young seemed to be gone. This new Tony, and by association, Iron Man, was pretty boring and conventional. Apparently, when Tony battled his demons and shed his vices, he also shed all character traits that I once found endearing. His quirky “Playboy” behavior that once drew me to the book was now gone without a trace. In the fast paced world of X books and mature Crisis titles, Iron Man was now veering into Captain America territory, a once great character that unfortunately had become stale over the decades (or decade, in my case). And with as many books as I read its hard to avoid a characters as prominent as Tony, especially in the company wide events which I rarely ever miss. In recent years, the Tony I had once idolized had now very much become the “Enemy” in my eyes (Due in a large part to his role in the Super-Hero Registration act, seen in the series Civil War).

My newly found dislike of Tony bled into all parts of my comic reading behavior. I stopped buying all Iron Man titles full stop. I cringed whenever I would see the character in another title. Tony had gone from being one of my favorites to my absolute least favorite characters in comic books. And that upset me, having to betray my childhood memories, but I really did not like the character anymore. That is, until, some genius somewhere decided to make an Iron Man film. With that simple act, my interest in all things Iron Man was quickly reignited. It wasn’t a blind “faith” sort of situation either. The teaser trailer for the film was so great in my opinion, that it really made me do some heavy thinking about my history with the character. It reminded me “Hey, you used to really enjoy Iron Man, and look, an Iron Man movie that looks pretty damn good!” Something about that forty odd second trailer not only made me excited for the Iron Man film, but it lead me to do some thinking about what the character really meant to me. This was a few months before the film’s release, so I had some time to really take a look at where the character has come from and where he is now. And I realized something.

I still liked Iron Man.

Yes, the character had become somewhat of an “a-hole” in recent years, but should that cancel out all the years of entertainment he’d provided for me before? I started seeing Tony different in the comics I read each week, really trying to understand his motivations as opposed to instantly disliking him. I reread the Civil War series and the books leading up to it to try and take a fresh view on Tony actions and more so, reactions to the events that unfurled. I found myself empathizing with Tony, feeling genuine remorse and pity as to what he’s unfortunately been forced to become. I no longer had him on the top of the Enemy list in the M-U, rather I saw him as a misguided but well-intentioned man that had fallen from grace. Then the movie came out, and as I stated in a previous column, completely reignited my passion for all things Iron.

Robert Downey Jr. is the walking manifestation of silver age Tony Stark, and just seeing that brash, fun and funny powerhouse again brought an ear to ear smile to my face. It also made me realize that when a character in comic books changes over the years it is a positive, avoiding the curse of stagnation. And though I found Iron Man boring until recently, It wasn’t due to the writing – rather, it was, but not because the writing was boring. The character became too straight-laced and “goody goody” for my liking, and until recently I think THAT was the aspect of the books that I shied away from. I am glad to once again be excited for all things Tony Stark related. The film franchise promises to be a great one. In the comic universe, Tony is edging closer and closer to the man we all knew and loved not so long ago. I will definitely be picking up the next Iron Man series and will most likely enjoy it whole-heartedly. It is a great time to be an Iron Man fan, and I am happy to be back on Shell-Heads bandwagon.

Tis all for now kiddos, but check back next week for some DVD reviews including the hilarious TV Funhouse Complete Series. It’ll be fun. You know it will.

And, as always,”Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

–Matt Cohen forgot to write something for his sign-off.

Howdy Interwebbers. I’m Matt Cohen, and I now apparently dig The Kids in the Hall.

I was too young to really appreciate what they were doing when the show first aired in the early nineties. I remember watching it, but also remember being extremely creeped out by most of the characters and sketches. It was just too much for a seven-year-old to handle. Over the ensuing years, I would occasionally catch reruns of the show on Comedy Central, and though I would laugh, I think a lot of that childhood “creepiness” still lingered in my mind. I still didn’t give it a fair chance. And yet, I was a huge fan of all the Kids individually, following their solo careers and really enjoying them.

And then I just kind of forgot all about Kids in The Hall. I would see the DVD in stores but always pass it by with a quick glance. It just wasn’t on my radar.

That all changed on Friday night. Long story short, I bought a ticket on a whim last week to attend the Kids in the Hall reunion tour stopover in Los Angeles. After work, I headed home, ate a quick burger (gotta love In-N-Out) and jumped in my car to head downtown to the famous Orpheum theater. This was my first trip to Downtown LA and thankfully my navigation system didn’t fail me. I parked in a lot (and was a dollar short… but the guy let me slide. Shout out to Julio.) and sat in my car for a few minutes. I looked around at the others attending the show. It looked more like an audience for a Phish concert then a sketch comedy show. Mostly folks in their late thirties, bearded (the men, ya mooks), plain looking, and reeking of marijuana. In fact, the parking lot looked like there was a fog machine behind every other car. This threw me for a loop. Keep in mind, I did no prior watching of the series before the show, so I really had no idea what to expect from both the actual comedy and the crowd.

What had I gotten myself into?

What bizarre and crazy sights was I about to witness?

To put it simply – Bizarre and crazy sights… Freaking HILARIOUS ones.

I took my seat in what is a beautiful and overwhelmingly awesome Orpheum Theater. A still of Kids in the Hall comedy CDs illuminated the screen on stage. The audience quickly filled into their seats, and at 8:10 P.M on the dot, a clip rolled. If you folks haven’t already seen it online, here it is. As the boys run out of screen on the clip, and the all too familiar theme song plays, they ran onto the stage, Kevin McDonald in a pair of “tighty whities” with an apple placed firmly in mouth. The place went absolutely wild, myself included. Here I was, not fully a “fan” of the troupe, standing on my feet and cheering loudly for their return. The crowd’s energy was infectious. I actually WAS psyched for this show now. I realized that I did like these guys, a lot in fact. The compounded bits and pieces I had seen over the years must have subconsciously gelled into an affinity for the show and its players. The first sketch soon started and the night was off.

I don’t want to go into each individual scene, because there were many, and frankly I don’t remember each one. The night kind of blurred into a haze of hysterics. In the following two hours, I saw characters old and new, some one’s I knew and liked, others, I forgot I knew and some flat out brand spanking new ones. The crew (as always, Dave Foley, Mark McKinney, Bruce McCulloch, Kevin McDonald and Scott Thompson) performed to the height of their ability, which in their cases is pretty damn high. Whether playing a normal average guy, or a sexed up Chicken Lady, the commitment of the performers never lacked – particularly Bruce McCulloch, who appeared to be having the time of his life on stage. Another interesting dynamic to the group is that there is no clear cut “leader”. In fact, I often found myself gauging the audience as to who their favorite kid was and, to tell the truth, each member got almost an equal amount of acclaim and applause (except for maybe Kevin, but that’s because he is everyone’s favorite awkward man-child and needs no further acclaim). Yes, some of the new sketches were a little bit lazy, but that is really not unique in the world of sketch comedy. Few troupes have been flawless (with the exception of perhaps Monty Python and Mr. Show, in my opinion) and the sketches that lacked had plenty of that Kids in the Hall brand irreverent and bizarre humor to keep the laughs flowing. Each member of the group also got a solo scene, which was nice, each differing vastly from their cohorts, my favorite being a narrative by Mark McKinney that caught me way off guard.

The format of the show was also something pretty great. Each sketch was preceded with a still photo and a sample of a high-energy song to keep the momentum rolling. There was hardly any downtime between bits, which also helped to give the show a sharp and concise feel to it. At a running time of about two hours, I for one never felt bored for a moment, and was quite sad when the show ended. And confused”¦ Before the show there was really only one character I remembered from the TV run, The “I’m crushing your head” man. And yet, he was suspiciously absent during the show. That was, until the encore started. And it was well worth the wait. If the Kids are making a stopover anywhere near you, I definitely would suggest checking them out. I can promise you a night which like you’ve never experienced before.

Well, tis all for now, happy campers. Till next morrow -and, as always,”Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

–Matt Cohen is currently crushing your head.

Howdy inter-webbers. I’m Matt Cohen and I dig good comic books. I take pride in the fact that I don’t write negative reviews. And that is certainly not to say I enjoy every book I read. In fact, its usually quite the contrary. I just feel with all the “bitching” and moaning on the net about comics, I would create a little haven where we discuss what we LIKE rather then what we hate.

I’m about to betray your trust.

Every so often, something happens in comics that is too big for me to overlook. This week was one of those times. So this week I will be presenting you with a short dissertation entitled, “Countdown to that?”.

Exciting… I know.

Let’s do it to it Kinders… “COUNTDOWN TO THAT?”

So, honestly, what the hell? Fifty two issues later, what the freaking hell? Countdown will, in my opinion, go down as one of the biggest failures in comic history. I am almost more upset with myself for buying every issue and possible tie-in book than I am with the folks who are responsible for the comic… Almost. What started off as the followup to 52, a mediocre series in its own right, quickly became a beast all its own. The weekly title that you “had” to buy, and yet hated yourself for buying. And this is not to say it started off horrible – in fact, I really enjoyed the first fifteen or so issues of the title. Trickster and Piper were a perfect duo, and when their sideplot was in the swing of things it was one of my favorite things to read every week. Really clever and kinda touching sometimes. These two were truly an odd couple for the ages (Yes, Please).

With minor pluses aside, the series plodded on each week, getting more random and confusing as the run continued. In the beginning, this was a pretty simple book to follow, with about five main characters and one central plot. The turning point for the worse, in my opinion, was the introduction of Karate Kid and his fellow legion members. Yes, I know the book had its hand in the pockets of all things cosmic, what with Darkseid being the main antagonist and all the side stories that took place in space, but the whole Karate Kid/Omac Disease angle seemed extremely tacked on and it completely changed the make-up and structure of the book for the worse. From this point on the book was unable to recover the modest success it had in the beginning, or any of the success that its greater, bigger brother 52 achieved.

Jimmy Olsen Must Die, eh? At this point, I say go for it. Again, Jimmy suffers from what I’d like to call the Countdown Curse – starting strong and ending bizarrely, confusingly and, quite frankly, terribly. I was okay with Jimmy’s newfound powers; I even liked the way in which they manifested themselves (near death instances only). Ah, but the powers that be couldn’t leave a good thing alone. Jimmy had to be “The One” and, why not?, lets give him a bug-alien girlfriend. I understand Jimmy Olsen has gone pretty much unused for the last fifty or so years, but to bump him up to center stage like this seemed tacked on and cheap. And it wasn’t like the fans were clamoring for a newer, hipper Jimmy. I think DC tried to apply the Jason Todd/Bucky model to good old Jimmy Olsen, trying to use a fairly underused character, but unfortunately for them (and us), they failed pretty big. The last ten or so issues were awful. Flat out awful. Anti-climatic, confusing (as per usual) and the farthest thing from epic as possible. I’m not even sure what really happened in them. And, to tell you the truth, I’m not sure I really care.

I hate that I hate Countdown so much. I really do. Paul Dini, besides being the creator of one of my favorite cartoons, also writes my current favorite monthly comic, Detective. So I know that he’s got the goods. I don’t know what went wrong in the creative offices of DC or where the blame lies. Or maybe I’m just overreacting and forgetting that comics, sometimes, are pretty crappy. All I know is this – I bought Countdown on blind faith. Trinity, DC’s next weekly offering, I will not be so trusting of.

So, If you haven’t already, check out my friend and fellow columnist Brett Deacon’s summer movie blog for a great review on a film I got a chance to see the other day, Iron Man. As to not steal the thunder from Brett, I’ll just say a few words, and those words are – Awesome! Robert Downey, Jr. IS Tony Stark. The CGI is top-notch. It is as true to the comic as an adaptation can be. Favreu knocked this one WAY out of the park. I recommend everyone go see this film when it comes out. I doubt you’ll be disappointed. The most exciting Comic Book/Film franchise today.

Well campers, tis all for now. Check back here next week. I’ll be around. Waiting… and hiding.

–Matt Cohen is currently playing GTA 4. Not comic related, but great nonetheless