I have an extra copy of the second season of Boston Legal to give away, but more about that later. [Update, Thursday, 16 November, 2006: the box has been won. Congrats to Canada’s Jeff Winkworth!]

Boston Legal is about reunions. That has become extremely clear by the start of the show’s second season. The first big trial arc of S2 features Heather Locklear as Kelly Nolan, accused of killing her much older husband. Locklear, of course, starred with William Shatner in T. J. Hooker (one of the greatest shows ever put on television). At the end of the season (and it’s a long season, 26 episodes, four more than typical) Jeri Ryan appears, introducing a third Star Trek veteran into a stew that also includes Shatner and Rene Auberjonois, all from different generations of Treks.

This seems to be a conscious strategy because though David Kelley’s BL is ostensibly a legal dramedy, it’s really a “postmodern” show about television itself. Hence all the guests performances by old time TV people, from Betty White to Tom Selleck. At the end of one episode in S2 James Spader’s Alan Shore walks into the traditional episode ending chat on the balcony with Shatner’s Denny Crain and says, “Denny, I’ve hardly seen you the whole episode.”

Boston Legal really began, as most of us recall, at the tail end of The Practice, though few knew that that show was coming to an end. It had begun in 1997, with movie stars Dylan McDermott and Lara Flynn Boyle spicing up the tiny tube with their big screen allure. It was a serious, heart-rending program, but by the end of its seventh season it had worn out its welcome. With season eight, Alan Shore joined the firm and his acerbic wit and ruthless practices rejuvenated … Spader’s career. The show began a must-watch, just for its Spaderisms, but the fact that no one any longer cared about anyone else still left on the series seemed to justify ABC’s decision to finally cancel the show. Fortunately, by the start of the next season, Spader was back as Shore, in this new show, now in its third year.

The sole reason to watch Boston Legal is for Spader and his witticisms. The show’s makers seem to know this. It has had more cast turn then almost any other show in television history. Lake Bell and Julia-Roberts-sound-alike Monica Potter didn’t survive long or at all into the second season, and the exotic Rhona Mitra, the other carry-over from The Practice, vanished soon into S2. Early S2 cast members Ryan Michelle Bathe and Justin Mentell soon vanished, and there was a flurry of additions across the end of S2 and the start of S3, including the great Parker Posey and the great Craig Bierko, who looks to serve as a fine nemesis to Shore.

In its first season, Boston Legal began toning down Shore’s cutting remarks, the best part of the last legs of The Practice. There are even fewer wisecracks in S2. But what is emphasized are Shore’s various closing statements, which are clever, intricate, heartfelt, and in many cases politically daring. One of the best occurs at the end of episode S2E10, called “Legal Deficits.” In it Shore defends his new assistant, who suffers from onerous and punitive credit card debt, a situation that many viewers can related to. The speech is worth quoting in full.

First, credit card company shill Attorney Melvin Palmer (Christopher Rich, of Murphy Brown, another TV connection) leads into the speech by saying, “Given that we [credit card companies] are bigger than Walmart or McDonalds or Microsoft we enjoy some security. And potential lawsuits like this? We have an expression in Texas, Mr Shore. You’re all hat, and no cattle.”

Shore chuckles and begins, “Here’s the thing about me. I am a hoot. But I insist on putting adversary back into the system. And I do it openly and notoriously for all to hear. While a swell guy like you doesn’t want the public to know that of the thousands of industries tracked by the Better Business Bureau the credit card racket is number one in customer complaints. You don’t want them to know that you deliberately target those who won’t be able to pay off their debts. People you call, ‘Revolvers’. People who see ‘zero percent interest’ in big blue print and don’t know that with just one late payment you skyrocket their interest to thirty percent. That if they so much as inquire about leasing a car you raise their rates. You don’t want the public to know that while over seven million families have filed for bankruptcy in the last five years you got Congress to change the bankruptcy code to make it next to impossible for people to discharge credit card debt. You don’t want people to know that the credit card industry is essentially a pack of hyenas crunching on the bones of the poor. Do you? I smell something awful. He leans in to smell Jerry’s body. I think it’s you. Yes, this case has the stench of big tobacco and asbestos all over it. Luckily our firm has nine offices around the US, London and Hong Kong, strategically positioned for massive class action suits. And once the company you represent smells it too they’ll find you’re not nearly smart or powerful enough and they’ll drop you for a firm that employs expertise and intimidation rather than down home hokum and smiley handshakes. And this is my favorite part, when your firm fires your obsequiese ass for losing their client… Oh my God! The stress! Your tan will fade, you’ll gain a few pounds, drink a bit more, scream at the kids, and maybe your wife will finally leave you. For the realtor who sells your house because after all he’ll still be able to afford Christmas in Aruba and next year’s convertible. Hey, fella. Don’t worry about it. It’ll be a hoot.”

Shore, of course, wins the case.

Boston Legal is a show that you watch for the words, rather than the visuals. It’s like radio. All the important stuff is verbal. Julie Bowen is a fine contribution to the War of the Network Blondes, but what we’re really here for is Shore’s dicta. I’ve even grown very attached to the show’s credits lead in, which end with a punch line punctuated by the show’s jaunty theme music. Thus it becomes a doubly annoying tic of the show that they often tilt down to or up from moving hands, as if the only other part of the human body that communicates, besides the voice, is one’s paws.

As mentioned at the top, I have a giveaway set of Boston Legal season two, thanks to Fox Home Video. The first person to write me at dkholmcontests@mac.com gets it. Obviously I won’t be able to answer all respondents, so if you don’t hear from me anywhere from an hour from now to a week, you didn’t get it.

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