Just how long does it take you to say “no”?  

Try it.  Go on, no one’s looking.

There.  Not too hard, was it?  Well, pat yourself on the back, my friend.  For some people, say… our prospective investors, that two-letter word took over TWO MONTHS to say.  Consider yourself blessed.  You have done in one second what took a team of very wealthy men an entire summer!  Remember that next time you’re on the couch, watching reruns of The Simpsons and questioning your self-worth.  Just say, “hey, I can do in one second what took a team of wealthy lawyers an entire summer.”  Then continue eating Cheetos off your chest, knowing you are truly great.

Yes, indeed, our film has been derailed… two months shy of our start date.  On Thursday we found out that our investors, who had seemingly been so enthusiastic about our film, backed out.  This is after several months of positive banter about the project.  Solidifying contracts.  Perusing budgets.  Last minute clarifications.  Appeasement.  All for a big, fat “NO”.

WE SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING.  No.  We saw this coming, and yet we did nothing.  It was as if we locked our keys in the car and KNEW we were locking our keys in the car AS we shut the door.  Like, “Oh, wow.  I’m locking my keys in the car and AW, DAMMIT!  Why did I DO THAT!!”

Why DID we do that?  Well, we had our options.  We could A). Work very hard to ensure that several pockets of investors are deciding simultaneously on yet another very sound business venture, or B) put all our eggs in one basket.  Needless to say, the choice was obvious.  I mean, who doesn’t like a basket of eggs?!

ON THE PLUS SIDE?
This is not the first film to lose its funding in the final hour, and it won’t be the last.  Hopefully, it’s the last for US, though.  And if there is something positive to come from this (and there isn’t, mind you), it’s that we have our answer.  True, it’s not the one we were hoping for, but it IS an answer.  We know where we stand at last. And now, beginning this very day, we can start rebuilding.  Learning from our egregious mistakes.  Finding yet another avenue for this film. 

I’ve got to be honest, I have not been enjoying this process.  Not lately.  The reason? I put the worth of my film (and ashamedly, a little of my own self-worth) into some businessmens’ hands. Not the most comforting place to be.

I went back to Ohio this weekend for my grandma’s 90th birthday party. I got to see all the people I love most in the world. My brother and sisters. Mom and dad. Cousins, nieces, nephews…. All of them there to celebrate a woman who lived through The Great Depression, World War II, and The Cabbage Patch Doll hysteria of ’83. Not exactly an easy life. But let’s be honest, I think my investor woes stack up pretty good against that Great Depression crap, right? RIGHT?!

If I were in the midst of curing cancer, or AIDS, (heck, even gonorrhea) this might be worth the stress. But what is this?! It’s a movie. Is it going to change the entire world? Not likely (though I’ve got a good feeling about parts of Central Asia).

So why have I let this get to me so much? This tiny little word “no”?!

In the end, if I’m not finding value in making this movie, even in (gulp) the rejections, what’s the point? What if, instead of five more months, it takes five more YEARS to get this film made? Am I going to be miserable all five years? As much as admire that kind of committed depression, I think I’d rather start enjoying myself again.

“Sometimes it is better to travel than to arrive.”
-Robert M. Piesig
“Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance”

 

-Sam Jaeger

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